In love with A married man ...

powder

Active Member
i hope those who had Sided this lady unnecessarily, with their 1-2 liners... realise their folly.

and realise they have such poor judge of character...

nothing much to say in this... i wish i coud somehow adopt the little girl and give her a good home, but i guess that would be taking on a large portion of the world...

life is such, u can't protect some children from lousy parents... u can only help them after all the damage has been made. If only some pple used condoms...
 


simpleman

Active Member
As much as she is totally twisted and a loser - and I really pity her because she got a husband who is a bigger loser than herself.

If a man can allow his daughter to be cursed and treated as such... well, I don't think he is capable of love..
 

mum_of_2_girls

New Member
Hi SM,

Her hubby is not a loser. He is working in the government sector.

It is not easy to enter a government sector. After years in the private sector, I applied and was interviewed but was not selected.

I am willing to take a pay cut and work longer hours, I am more than qualified for the job because of the passion.

My hubby thinks I'm crazy to apply for the job.

Looks like I'm fated to earn lots of money for just 2.5 days of work a week in the private sector.

Can anyone enlighten me why was I rejected?

A passion to serve. Is it not enough a reason????

From Clueless applicant, Albee
 

freezer

New Member
the posts by EnXuan are extremely disturbing!

EnXuan, please! The little girl is NOT the cause of everything! YOU, YOUR Husband, the ex wife are the CAUSE of all the unhappiness! BE careful where you vent your anger and hatred.

I can't believe you are cursing the little girl to die? to disappear?? how could you harbour such evil thoughts?

Please wake up! what goes around comes around! Remember, RETRIBUTION may not befalls on YOU, but your most beloved SON!

good grief, she is only what.... 4 years old???
 

serene_yam

New Member
I don't think we will die just because someone cursed us until so badly. I'm rather amused by the emotions that EnXuan has. She curses almost daily? Every moment of her life? She harbours evil thoughts every sec towards the young child? This sounds funny, but I think that her emotions will result in her appearance being worn down. How would she be able to smile sweetly and sincerely to her hubby? How would she be able to laugh wholeheartedly with her young son? How would she be able to fully enjoy every moment of her life, without a fleeting sec of negative and evil thought towards the world that has the young little girl in it? Our facial features can be shaped over the time...by the kind of thoughts we harbour in our heart and mind. Maybe I'm wrong, but I do see some people's facial features turning uglier...because they use up plenty of energy to be angry, upset, disturb and curse....
 

autumntime

New Member
En Xuan,

You have not truly loved up till this point in time. Do you know what it means to love another person other than yourself? You may think that you love your husband but the fact is, you don't. I doubt even the love you have for your son.

Love is never selfish. It is unconditional and even sacrificial at times. When you truly love, you WANT to give of yourself, you can't stop giving even if it means you may not receive it back in the exact same measure. Genuine love enlarges your heart and increases your capacity to love, forgive, accept & contain another effortlessly; it does not maimed your ability to feel for another... unless you never had love in your heart in the first place.

Until you learn to love or understand what it really means to love, you will continue to find obstacles in your marriage. Today, the unfortunate little girl is the hinderance in your marriage. After you're rid of her, what next?

The world is always a better place to live in with more love, not less. Likewise, your marriage. If you were to let go of the hatred & unforgiveness in your heart and love unconditionally instead, you will be a delightful wife and mother to be around. Instead of getting in the way of your relationship with your husband, your step-child can become the bond that holds you both tightly together. Go figure.

Children are pure and innocent. Their behaviour are often a reflection of their environment. Forget who the mother of your step-child is, just focus on loving her as an individual. Think from her tiny perspective for once. She didn't ask to share her father with another child and she didn't ask for a new mommy who hates her so much. All these are too complex for a young developing mind to understand. There are many questions and feelings that she cannot articulate to you adults but what can she do? Consider her struggles. She's too young to know what to do. But you can lead her in the right path as an adult. You can give her love i.e. if you are willing. You have that choice. You can teach her to love your son and also teach your son to love her.... But of course, you may prefer to teach them hatred from a young age so that they grow up not experiencing what love really is. Yes, destroy their ability to love & feel for another if you like. The choice is yours.

En Xuan, you can darken your world and continue to cage yourself (and your son & husband) up... or you can let the light in and release yourself from that bitter cage. It's all in your mind. You need to put your emotions aside and make the right decision that will change your life.

Choices, choices... we live the consequences of our choices - good or bad.
 

lovingyou

New Member
I can't believe such words come out from a MOTHER. Are u seriously capable of love? Pls look at yourself in the mirror and ask urself how will you feel if your son is being cursed in the same way? Please bear in mind that we always reap what we sow.
 

panicky

New Member
En Xuan,
I can understand your anger and hatred for the little girl IF she were your husband's illegitimate daughter from an affair. But this is entirely not the case. The girl was born even before you got to know your husband. In fact, it is you who came between father & daughter.. .

Why not love the girl as your own, and show your husband that you are better than his ex-wife who abandoned him and his daughter?? Your husband may listen to you for now, but this may be the very reason he chooses to leave you in the future. Please think rationally. In spite of your vengeful and seemingly cruel nature, I wish you the best and hope that this is your happy ending.
 

simpleman

Active Member
I can't believe there are people advising en xuan to love the little girl..

Not over her dead body. If she don't hate and curse her - it is already a good deed.
 

enxuan

New Member
Serene Yam, i agree with u... i know a person will look better without hatred. not to mention feel better... being much "lighter in the soul". However, i really cant let go. i choose to hang on to this anger and hatred, even to the extend of being tired out and worn out. So that my enemy does not benifit a single thing from me. Why must i be the fool when the Helen (exwife) tell me that she is not in a hurry to get divorce? why i am a fool to believe im pregnant n need the divorce asap? why am i a fool to believe her words that she is only plump when i suspected she is far much more pregnant in her 5 th month when i am only just pregnant? why am i a fool to being trick into paying for her to file divorce to my husband when she is expecting a illigitimate child with her affair? why am i fool to pay for her daughter's expenses and buy clothes for her? why am i a fool to buy n feed someone's child n have to early go marketing to choose the fresh fish from wet market for someone daughter who lied n cheat me? why do i have to always hear what she said and i cant vent my anger?

i choose to stop being a fool and let them benefit me... i rather take those money and feed the cats outside my house... i rather give this money to charitites and help people who doesnt treat me as a fool. Cats will meow in satifaction of a full stomach and children will have a meal at least for the day...

All of u said i have not know what is love... or maybe u should rephrase it, i choose not to love.

To be able to hate so deeply, one must have loved deeply too... dont u know that? A stranger will will never be able to bring out such strong feelings in a person.

My hubby? i dont love him? Maybe u are right... not anymore? Cos i know to love him,i will open out my heart for his daughter unknowingly and the hatred be gone. bcos when u love a person, u will accept n love everything of his. But, i dont want. i swear n want her to live in a life without as much as i can do to her. i want to take away everything of her. i want to see her down n go away n never see her again. since i can even sacrifice the love of this marriage , just to get whati want.... i know im strong. i have to be strong.

in this world, not love survives. only the strong stands and weak falls. My son? Of cos, i cant stop people cursing him... i as a mother, when he's in the womb... i already teach him to curse. I tell him, if he were to miscarriage due to my anger or mishap... use his soul to bring the girl down as well to accompany him. Every night, i talk to the unborn baby souls with grief...those around me... to understand how thier mother feel... and bring me the end of my vengence. take her down with them. Those who read this may think im crazy... but, im a happy and normal , perfect thinking mother for my son and everyone... except a demon n devil who wants her life and soul when the thought of her comes. So , best... she is out of my life n i will be back to a very happy person.

To Matka, "If the little girl has any psychological problems now or in the future, it is because of the irresponsible actions of your husband, her mother, and YOU. " You said this...

do u think i care? best if she has, i will be more happier! anything that turns out negative or bad for her, i will applaud...u should ask her mother who is reading this to stand up m bring her daughter away! and not hide behind a screen n tell me she didnt want her daughter as she could afford her... when months later, she n her affair planning for their own kid! Her mother doesnt care, her father cant care for her... why should i n what do i benefit? lolx...
ask his ex wife to take care of her current husband child with another woman. if she can do it, i will! and to add on, with the woman continuing being a bitch n slut thruout the time when she is struggling to accept this child that is not her own.

To autumn , "If you were to let go of the hatred & unforgiveness in your heart and love unconditionally instead, you will be a delightful wife and mother to be around. Instead of getting in the way of your relationship with your husband, your step-child can become the bond that holds you both tightly together. Go figure. "

i agree with what u said... but only in drama serials n those with happy ending. not all life r like that . n not all children r like that. esp what her mother is, her daughter turn out nothing better. cos i seen it all. so small n yet already so bitchy n sluty. like to touch guys n know how to change her tone n smile to differently to different people. so, y shd i take the risk n feed someone who i dun even know is a lamb in wolf's skin or a real cinderella? what if in future she teach my son to turn against me? what if she teach my son bad things n he land up in prison ? no... i wont take the chance....

i rather eliminate the roots of the doubts than perish in her hands in future without knowing how i die even... to compare n believe she will hate me than like me in future even without me hating her first is much more likely... all children who r from broken families are like this... isnt it helen? Dont u hate ur step siblings as well? not to mention ur own mother who chain n made u kneel infront of the washing machine for the whole day ? Lock up in the kitchen?? Probably u have seduced ur own father that makes ur mom so mad! hahaha.... thats what im afraid u will teach ur daughter to do... haha!!

i heard ur mother sleeps around with an uncle when she is still married with ur dad n have a sibling that doesnt look like ur dad at all... thats y u have followed her footstep... ur daughter might follow ur footstep too... thats y i dun even want her to come near me n corrupt my family.

my family may not be perfect nor the happiest. but i assure u, its better than urs n will be better without ur sickening daughter. pls bring her away n may all ur dirty blood stay as one united family.
 

powder

Active Member
this is what happens when u spend too much time watching serials and other pple's make-believe lives, instead of iving your own...
 

matka

Member
I feel sorry for your soul.

In the meantime, please call 6389 2222. You really need all the help you can get.
 

autumntime

New Member
En Xuan,

Your hatred is very deep. This is your decision. It's all in your mind. Unless you change your mind, you will use every ounce of your life & energy to hate them until it ultimately destroys only yourself.

Happy endings do not only happen in drama serials. Let me share my close friend's story with you...

She found out about her 1st husband's womanising ways after marriage but by then, they have 2 very young children. He went on to have a young girlfriend so they divorced. My friend is a rather attractive lady and she has done nothing to deserve such but she wisely chose to move on in life with her 2 kids and without any hatred towards her ex-husband or his girlfriend.

After her divorce, she met her 2nd husband (a very good man who had never been married before). Her 2nd husband not only loved my friend dearly but loved her 2 kids as if they are his own. I observed in our meetings together that he was a much better father to the kids than the 1st husband was. He was very fatherly and willingly share my friend's parenting reponsibility. Because of his love for them, the kids share a very close bond with him and they happily accepted that they have 2 fathers. Their blood father visits them once in a while which is greatly encouraged by my friend. She holds no grudges against him and they are still on talking terms, mainly for the children's sakes. She even allowed the ex-husband to bring the kids out with the young girlfriend of his. The girlfriend was very nice to the kids too and she took care of them well when they went out. The kids shared what they did on outings to my friend.

I believe my friend has "created" a very healthy environment for her children despite her unsuccessful 1st marriage. She has every right/ cause to hate her 1st husband and his girlfriend but she didn't. It was a good decision that she has made that led to a happy ending for her. Maybe because of her maturity and big heart, she attracted such a good (2nd) husband. As her close friend, I really feel very happy for her and her children. She has been married to her 2nd husband for some time now and each time I meet up with her, I can see her radiating from joy, contentment and happiness.

From her I learn that we may not be able to control negative things from happening in our life sometimes... but it's really how we choose to make the best out of the situation, that sets us apart from the losers in life. Eventually, it all boils down to YOUR decision, YOUR choice.

Before you put every blame on your husband's ex-wife and his daughter, have you considered whether you are blameless? Have you not contributed to the mess and hatred? You don't have to take responsibility for their actions or words but you can start by taking responsibility for yours.

All the best, have a nice life.
 

simpleman

Active Member
autumn,

Wasting time and bandwidth here sharing.. her mind is shut.

Your friend story.. ok interesting. But it is wrong to assume that "she has right/cause to hate her 1st husband and his girlfriend".

NO. Everyone can hate anyone.. We don't need any reason for that. Not hating anyone is also our perogative and it just happen to be good for us not hating others.

As to your friend is an attractive lady and done nothing to deserve to be dumped... you mean an ugly lady deserve to be dumped? No. Deserved or not it is not important. When a relationship ends, it will end. It is not a matter of whether we deserve it or not.. it is regardless of our looks or the amount of money we have. If it happens, we just accept it and move on.

But I think your friend is admirable.. and that is why she is now happy.
 

autumntime

New Member
SM, if I choose to counter argue, no one even has the right to hate at all, whatever the reason may be. How do you justify hatred? Similarly, how do you justify love? I can go on & on but sorry my eye lids are too heavy now for that kind of philosophical argument.

To put it simply, there are many out there who believe in "stoning" the unfaithful or see the spouse of the unfaithful one as the poor victim. You cannot deny that this is the majority mindset. Notice I didn't say all. Normal human reaction is to hate/ dislike people who hurt us or let us down. There are unusual ones, even in history. Jesus is one. But my post was not targetted at the unusual ones. En Xuan is very "vocal" about her hatred and the good thing is that she's not hypocritical. She openly acknowledges it. How many on earth go around in their daily lives secretly harbouring bitterness, resentment, hatred while plotting evil schemes, revenge under their sleeves & smiles?

Obviously, you know deep down that I didn't mean that ugly women deserved to be treated badly. Quite the contrary. I'm actually using my friend's example to point out indirectly to many women (& men) out there that when their husbands/ wives cheat on them, the last thing they should do is rush out for a make-over. The make-over is really more for themselves. Psychologically. Although there really is no harm to look better. Even the most attractive & beautiful woman can get cheated on! There are many not so good looking men & women out there who have good marriages and never experienced such betrayal. Why? Obviously, good looks don't guarantee a marriage. Yet, I've counselled many women who think that their husbands wouldn't stray if they had been more attractive. If the spouse does stray, it speaks more about the cheating spouse than the cheated one. My friend understood this as I observed in her "new" choice of a husband.

Wasting bandwidth or not, who's to judge or say? En Xuan may not be the only person reading this. Even if my sharing benefits just one silent reader, it is well worth my time & effort.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Normal reaction to have resentments... to hold on to the resentments is beyond instinctive reactions alone. It calls for individual effort and insistence to hold on to the grudge and hate... to dwell in self misery and victimization. Yes, many do that, very natural BUT it doesn't help make it any easier for themselves. That's also a fact.
 

nichie

Member
Jesus is also an example?...He is God lei…can we compare Him with us?...of course we have a higher expectation from Him but even He is not perfect lei….He also have rage and anger….come judgement day….those non-believer will be condemned to hell…is this not some kind of hatred and anger? I think its common for human to have hatred against someone we loved dearly once but who had betrayed us. While Autumn Time’s friend is admirable but I wonder how many people can achieve such mental state of even befriending the woman who has cause the breakage of the marriage….its definitely minority…the hurt and anger from betrayal is difficult to heal…it will take a long time…may be not as much hatred as En Xuan but definitely not as friendly and cordial as the above example….from the woman perspective…most will maintain contact with the ex for the kid and nothing more…of course…it will be good if most of us are like Autumn Time’s friend but it will be a tall order…as much as I don’t agree with EnXuan cursing the little gal but I find it acceptable that if she don’t accept or like the gal…her parents are still around and it basically the responsibilities of the gal’s parents to take care of her…if Enxuan do accept the gal…its due to her kindness and magnanimous but not obligation.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Jesus was human for his 33 years on earth. He needed to eat, drink, breathe air, sleep, work and pray. He had to resist temptation just like a human does.

If you read the Bible, you will find that God has rage and can be angry too. It is not a human emotion only. Is this an imperfection too of God? Well, have a thought or go ask your church mates.
 

simpleman

Active Member
autumn,

You got me wrong. I wrote: "Everyone can hate anyone". Yes, we CAN HATE.. but how does it help us? We can find many reasons to hate other people but no matter what other people did to us, will the act of hating help matters? No. It won't. It will just consume us. It is all negative emotions.

How do I justify hatred? No I don't want to justify. There is no need to justify. Why would anyone justify something that is emotionally damaging for us?

Justify Love. Similarly we don't have to justify. But love makes us feel good. But when love no longer makes us feel good, we should let go rather than turn it to hate.

This is not philosophy but simple things that are within are control to make us happy.

OK. Your sharing is good. I take back my words regarding bandwidth - that is more directed at her because it is waste of time and bandwidth to talk to her when her mind is shut.

The only thing about your sharing is wrong choice of analogy - highlighting that she is attractive and not deserving to be dumped. The world don't work this way. Yes, being attractive has its advantages and get us ahead in things.. but everyone is equal.. beautiful or ugly - we may still get dump.. so your point is really moot.
 

simpleman

Active Member
nichie,

"her parents are still around and it basically the responsibilities of the gal’s parents to take care of her…if Enxuan do accept the gal…its due to her kindness and magnanimous but not obligation."

I don't quite agree. If you choose to be with someone who has children - you have to learn to accept it. Accept it means you treat them with respect just like your spouse would treat his/her children.

Yes, you don't have to love that kid in a special way but it is not true that the kid still has parent and it is not your responsibility.

If you marry a man with children - his children automatically becomes your step-children - if you can't treat them decently then don't get involve.

It is an obligation to treat your step-child decently not kindness.

But I don't 100% blame En Xuan. She is just part of it. Her HB is more to blame.

If I am the hb, I would never marry someone who cannot treat my children decently. Sorry hor, wife or girlfriend we can change but our children will always be our children - forever (almost, some people can disown their children).

Similarly, if I marry a divorcee with children I would treat her children as if they are mine. If I can't do that, I won't marry her because it is not fair to her and to her children.
 

nichie

Member
"learn to accept it" - sm, I think the key word here is LEARN..so we try to learn to love and accept but if we cant, are we at fault? I understand the difficulty of taking care of a child if the child's parent is determine to cause trouble and dilute your effort by instilling negative influence into the child's mind....a child is best care and handled by his or her own parents...

If you marry a man with children - his children automatically becomes your step-children - I dont think there is a law stipulating the power or responsibilities of a step mother and the law dont even recognised step mother...a step mother is just like any woman to the gal, she has no right over that gal..the rights are vested in her parents that is still alive....a step mother does not even have more right than a guidiance....marying a man with kids does not automatically make you the parent of the kids with equal rights to their own parents and it also does not relegate the responsibilities of the real parents towards the child....

I think loving a divorced man with kids does not equate also loving his children...both do not have to come together, they are 2 different things all together...its good if we can but definitely not a zero sum game....
 

simpleman

Active Member
nichie, Step-children may not be legal obligation but they are moral obligation.

"I think loving a divorced man with kids does not equate also loving his children...both do not have to come together, they are 2 different things all together...its good if we can but definitely not a zero sum game...."


YOu can think in this way. That you can think you can divorce the issues of the love of the adult from the children. Nothing wrong with this thinking. But mostly it may not be the case for the man. If someone wants to marry another with children - it is a major consideration - and cannot be divorced cleanly.

Some people may be able to. For me it is an impossibility. If the woman I am dating cannot accept my children - there is no point to waste time. If she thinks there is no need to treat my children and love them like her own - then it is a no-brainer that I will dump her any minute.
 

simpleman

Active Member
nichie,

"learn to accept it" - sm, I think the key word here is LEARN..so we try to learn to love and accept but if we cant, are we at fault?


Yes, I have used learn. Learning to love someone is all that difficult? Unless you are not willing to. Why can't? It is just mental. If you are not prepared to accept that you need to learn to love step-children - then simply don't get involved with someone with children.

As when couples got married.. they also marry the family - the in-laws family will be your own. Children are the same - they are part of "your" family - you can't divorce them.
 

nichie

Member
Or can we see from another angle...divorced man with kids should not get involved in another relatiosnhip if his new partner to handle/take care of his kids from the previous marriage..is it fair to the new woman we might ask...he should have settle the issue first before jumping into another relationship...its a new relationship and start, we should start with a clean slate....no doubt the woman know before hand he has kids but I feel that a responsible man should not insist/prerequisit his new woman to accept or take care of the kids from previous marriage...no doubt some man jump into a new relationship right after or even before divorce are out to find a new mother or nanny for their kids especially they have the custody of the kids....I dont know, may be I have not in similar position but I find relationship is a complex process and loving a person required a considerable effort and time and to love your man and at the sametime loving and taking care of his kids is a very exhausting thing to do...just imagine...has to build up relationship with so many parties suddenly...For the record, when I said not taking care them doesnt means hate, ill treat or cursing but still ok for the man to want to take care of the kids with his ex and going out with the kids....just maintain a distant but cordial relationship...
 

cuclainne

New Member
but in this instance, the father is not even allowed to have any contact with the child .. how is he to take responsibility then?
 

nichie

Member
sorry....should be "...should not get involved in another relatiosnhip if he needs/intend his new partner....."
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"divorced man with kids should not get involved in another relatiosnhip if his new partner to handle/take care of his kids from the previous marriage..is it fair to the new woman we might ask...he should have settle the issue first before jumping into another relationship"

As long as both parties are honest abt their situation, there is no unfairness to talk about. Just as when we decide to marry our partners, we also need to understand their priorities. We don't pull them away from their existing roles or expect them to 'settle them' before the marriage. We continue to be parents to kids, siblings of our bros & sis, and children for our folks. These doesn't change.
 

simpleman

Active Member

"Or can we see from another angle...divorced man with kids should not get involved in another relatiosnhip if his new partner to handle/take care of his kids from the previous marriage..is it fair to the new woman we might ask...he should have settle the issue first before jumping into another relationship."


Sorry but I cannot see it from that angle at all. Unreasonable expectation. It is not about being unfair to the new woman if she is fully aware of what she is getting into. There are many imperfections in our lives - we just need to manage it.

So if every woman thinks like you - it means divorce men with kids will have to dump their children first before going into a new relationship? How else to settle the issue?

I think Milo has explained it well.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Everyone of us has baggage, single or not. If you want only a clean sheet of paper, you will have to be in love with a child, but that makes you a paedophile!
 

nichie

Member
You got me wrong…I didn’t say it’s a pre-requisite to dump their kids before starting a new relationship…I am saying a divorced man with kids cannot expect/insist the new partner to take care of his kids like staying together and taking care of their daily physical and emotional needs or worst to replace their own mother – just because she love him…having said that the new partner is perfectly alright for the man to fulfil his father role and going out together with the kids….the new partner still maintain a friendly and cordial relationship with his kids – I guess the key is that the new partner should have a choice and the right to decide whether she want to accept the responsibilities of taking care of the kids as part of her family or taking the role of their mother/guardian even she know before hand the fact. Of course we must treat the kids with kindness and respect but we cannot think negatively of her or put the blame on her if she refuses to take care of them….its 2 different subjects altogether…we can like to play and show kindness to a kid but it doesn’t mean we like to take care of them in long term…..if she has make that decision, the man should respect it and make alternate solution for the kids eg taking care by his ex….if not, the man should not even jump into the relationship.
 

nichie

Member
aiya...of course I know the perfect ending will be for the woman to love the man and his kids...and treat them as her own...but our world is not perfect lei...human relationship is complex....if there is no chemistry between them..is it wise to put them together?...will there be a flaw in her love if she love the man but not his kids??
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
At the very least, she should not and cannot forbid her husband to love his own child from the previous marriage. Moral and legal duties aside, if you have to live with somebody under the same roof for a long time, wouldn't your days be easier if you do not hate him or her? It's common sense, not rocket science or anything saintly.
 

simpleman

Active Member
nichie,

I know where you are coming from. However, for me, I would never accept any woman who would not treat my children as hers. This is my expectation..

Of course the woman can also choose not to have a relationship with a divorced man with baggage of children. But if she thinks she can have the man and yet not to have anything to do with the children - I don't think she loves the man enough.

As much as I expect my new partner to accept my children and love them as their own - I would accept and love the children of my new partner (if she has any) - treating them like my children. Yes, it won't be easy but I believe goodness will beget goodness. If we treat our step-children nice - they will reciprocate.

I always believe when marrying someone - you have to embrace all the baggage - be it children or parents - they come together as a package.
 

ajumma

New Member
En Xuan,

How will your husband feels if he knows your real thoughts and hatred towards his daughter? Is that how we treat the people we love? By wishing that their loved ones were dead?

Don't you feel so miserable? Last year until this year, spending your energy hating a young girl who doesn't know better?

From all the things you post, I think that you don't know how to be contented with what you have. You keep wishing for something more.

When he was with his wife, you wish that you would be with you. When he was spending more time with you, you wish that he would marry you. Now you are married to him, you wish his daughter would disappear.

A word of advice, I think normal women who were third parties will feel so lucky that the man divorced and married them. Most married men don't divorce their wives.

But you're not happy at all. You don't feel lucky. I think you sound ungrateful even though now you got the man you want. You're just complaining and complaining and complaining.

Have you ever been happy before in your life? Things don't have to be perfect for you to be happy.
 

rofthelper

Member
Oh gosh... didn't know that there are so many twists and cans of worms being opened.

En Xuan, let's hope you can just leave the little girl alone, since your wish is her absence.

Can feel that you have already attained hatred out of love. So please be kind to yourself, love your son and hubby and yourself.

Be fair to the three of you.
 

henges

New Member
å› ä¸ºçˆ±ï¼Œæ‰€ä»¥æ¨ I agree.
En Xuan just falls into this extremist trap we are most capable of.

Take for example a scenario of guitarist wanting to tune his guitar. If he tunes it too loose, he plays no music. If he tunes too tight, the strings snap upon the first strum. How do we make MUSIC? It's only when you tune the strings just right.

EnXuan, you have tuned your strings too taut.
 

catnel

New Member
En Xuan, things were spiralling downwards from the moment you fell in love with J. It is through your love for him that you're now happily married but I have to caution you to tread very carefully because history can repeat itself.

Be kind.
 

paperboat

New Member
En Xuan,

His ex-wife has already given u her husband, what more do u want? Now, u are torturing their kid mentally? Please be kind, the kid has nothing to do with all these saga of yours.
 

jn1234

New Member
En Xuan
Is it worthwhile to do so much just to keep a man? Is this man worth it? If he can stray to be with you, how sure are you he will not stray again? If he can listen to you to treat his ex-wife and kid the ways you dictated, how sure you are it will not happen to you when he has another affair?

If a man can listen to current wife to stop loving his own child, can he qualify to be a good father, even to your son? How will your son see him when he grows up? How good a model are you to your son - stop at all means no matter what to get what you want, ie get the man from his ex-wife? Then after getting the man still not contended, want to tear any links of him with his own kid.

血浓于水, his blood is flowing in his daughter's body. Any good father will rather want his own kid than his new wife, especially if the wife is so mean and vicious.
 

jn1234

New Member
You think your son is the best person in the whole wide world and you do whatever needed to shield him from his "evil" half-sister. How sure are you that your son will grow up to be a fine person when he is under guidance of such a mean and ä¸æ‹©æ‰‹æ®µmother?

人之出,性本善。There is no one borne evil. If you think your husband's daughter is evil, I think you should re-assess your husband again. What happen to his daughter is the result of her upbringing, the most influential persons are the parents. So the poor little girl's bad behaviour are partly a result of the environment and abnormal parental relationship. You can't deny your husband does play a part.

Even if his daughter is wayward, all the more your husband should not abandon her. Instead should love her more since she lost a complete family and guide her towards a better person. If he listens to you and abandon his own daughter, I wonder how good this man is. Is it worth your so much effort?

So, er, I can see what type of person your son might grow up too, with the environment provided by you and your husband. Your husband might not stand your doing one day and history repeats once more. Do you want him to treat you and your son the way you want him to treat his ex-wife and daughter?

Be kind to people. And people will be kind to you. You got the man you want, what's more do you want? Learn to be kind to the poor little girl especially.

Lastly ask yourself. You won the battle from the ex-wife. You got your beloved man. But are you happy? If you think you are happy, then you will not need to write all these things in this forum.

Take care!
 

powder

Active Member
i disagree, this may be old, but it's a true classic... like an old beetle or ferrari... needs to be remembered from time to time...

u can't really find such pple anymore... to be stupid, evil, blackhearted, ignorant, scheming and everything negative that u think u can't possibly find within 1person.... it's all in her.

a few more posts and she'll be Vintage. in an evil sort of way...
 

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