In love with A married man ...

[jn1234]

Hi didn't notice it is an old post, just saw a few forummers post comment. Not digging old post, but En Xuan's story serves a good example to those married person involved in affairs and third parties to someone's marriage. Those involved in affairs as well as third parties, ask yourself, are you happy? Are you happy to be underground forever, or even if the adulterous pairs got married, ask yourself seriously are you happy?

There maybe some who will be happy. But for those like En Xuan who is never contented and also does not seem to be able to handle relationship with married man, better steer clear of married man.

Saw this story about a family wrecked by 3rd party, not sure it is real or not, the author has the following sharing in the end which I think is quite meaningful warning those unfaithful to marriage and to third parties of someone's marriage.

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http://www.12sharing.com/note/?p=2631


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这篇文章是让更多人明白 æˆä¸ºåˆ«äººå©šå§»æ„Ÿæƒ…çš„ 第三者
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ä¸ç®¡ ä½ è·Ÿä»– 是真心相爱 或者 相è§æ¨æ™šï¼Œ
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[simpleman]

I dont in such crap as other people wrecking our lives. If our lives are destroyed it is because we allowed. 3rd parties so what?

If we endeavor to live our lives to the fullest, nothing can hurt us. Definitely not others. Only we can wreck our own lives.

 

[jn1234]

sm
I am quite curious why you and a few others always think what other people share are crap. So only your belief are not crap? Forums are for sharing and discussion, there are no right or wrong answers to all issues. You don't believe doesn't mean everyone in this forum cannot believe. And surely you don't deny some of the statements made are not crap, right? Anyway, I am just sharing. Not intending to engage in meaningless non-stop tiring argument of who is right and who is wrong.

The above sharing is not only for third parties, but also for those married people involved in affairs to ponder whether is it worth it to be in affairs.

No matter it is to the strayed party or 3rd party, getting involved in affairs outside marriage 所造æˆçš„伤害ã€ç ´åå¹¸ç¦ å’Œ 怀æ¨..
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Also the last 2 paragraphs are v true
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心çµçš„伤害是 无法磨ç­çš„

You can choose your spouse or your mistress, but the kids cannot choose their parents. En Xuan's case is a good example, aren't her husband's daughter the most innocent party dragged into this saga? And how about her son? She instills in him the idea of ruthlessness in getting what you want. Is the envoirnment she provides her son to grow up in wholesome? That mum is forever scheming to get something she wants?

Only we can wreck our own lives, but don't be a party contributing to wrecking others' lives. If a woman who loves a married man so much and tries to get so close to him to the extent of incurring the suspicions of the wife, even if the man does not have the intention to wreck his marriage and life, but then, the woman does contribute to some unhappiness in their marriage. So why be such woman? You won't know the amount of damage this woman may have caused, even if the man stays firm to the wife, but some wives may just be very suspicious.

Same goes for man who involved with married women.

 

[miloice]

Here we go again. Why not just list 10 commandments and stone anyone that failed to comply? This is the kind of 'advise' many are insisting on.

 

[simpleman]

jenny,

I hope you can broaden your understanding..

I don't believe in pushing the blame onto 3rd parties wrecking our lives. Yes, it is possible that they may impact but why do you think women will throw themselves at the feet of married men? So before blaming the 3rd parties (which all aggrieved wives are very good at), the first person to blame is the hb.

The gist of your sharing is directed at 3rd party women. That is why I said it is crap because it is lopsided. The man in question is more important and not highlighted? We can't control other women coming to our hb however mighty our grounds may be... but the wife can only influence the hb - the focus should be on the hb.

If you said that children are innocent.. surely the father would know this fact? But why is the hb still screwing around.. and here we have sharing to discourage 3rd parties from wrecking our lives. Why blame other women from hurting the children when the biggest culprit is the wayward hb?

If the article is more balanced - I would not have termed it crap. It is crap because it considers only 1 view - that 3rd party are family wreckers.

Since when did I say whatever I say is not crap. If you think it is crap - point it out. I am willing to listen. I have stated my reasons why the article you shared is crap - it is because it is just one-dimensional view - nothing about the greatest culprit of all - the man in between - instead focusing on the 3rd party woman. An even more balanced view would be that the wife is culpable as well - not all the time, but surely in some cases, she will be a contributing factor.

You said not to engage in tiring non-stop argument about right or wrong? Wasn't your article moralizing about the role of the 3rd party? Yes, she is wrong to wreck other's family and cause pain and hurt to the wife and children. And you assign all the blame to her - that is what the article is trying to tell us.

I don't judge what is right and wrong here. I am merely pointing to the one-dimensional view as crap.

 

[simpleman]

My philosophy of life.

When something happens, first look within... then to the people close to you and then to the environment.

When you want to make things happen. Same, look within yourself first. If we continue to look for blame from other people or circumstances - yes, we can possibly assign the blame but it does nothing to help us.

To be better we need to take action. If we don't want our lives wrecked, we have to work on it. We can't be screaming at 3rd parties asking them to stay away from our spouses.

Other people may not agree with this philosophy of life. But it has served me well. I determine my own life - whether to be happy or not. I don't depend on other people to give me happiness much less to wreck my lives.

If you are dependent on other people to give you happiness - you will have a tough life for many years to come.

 

[simpleman]

Jenny,

I am not against you sharing.. but what is the purpose of your sharing? To warn 3rd parties? Will they listen to you? Or because you were a victim yourself - you feel good with a little 3rd party bashing? I don't know.

Psychologically, you have to get over your own predicament first. Whatever you have suffered, it is over and done with. Get on a life.. There is no point in identifying with similar situation - yes, we may feel a sense of 'goodness' that we have been harshly dealt with and we may think that 3rd parties are "evil people" wrecking our lives - it is understandable - but don't out-live that. Step out of that. Forgive them. Lead your own life free from the shackles of yesteryears.

 

[powder]

it's due to a lack of exposure to be honest... some of these pple, they read an article which they find is 'nice' or 'true' to their narrow views - they share.

not for a moment do they actually think from all angles, nor consider the consequences.

i think it would be a Real good experience, if one day... some of theses forummer would have woman-A approach her and tell her that she (woman-A) is the 1st Wife of the husband. ie "your husband was married to me 5yrs before he married u)...

then all of a sudden, the wife - becomes The 3rd Party. then she can go read her article.

for so many years, i have been telling some of these ladies to look at their husbands... but the amazing thing is their husband seems to be pretty exonerated whilst they go hunting the other woman.

having met ladies who have been Conned into becoming 3rd parties... (the husband markets himself as a single bachelor etc)... i think some views can be so freakin one-sided.

fact is that Jenny, u lack exposure, and u lack the ability to see that some stories run deeper than u would like. the bad pple are not always the bad pple, the victims are not always the victims, and some bad pple always pretend to be good pple. i think we've all seen enough serials to know some stories run really really deep.

dun just happily endorse articles u read simply becos u saw on the internet and u think there's credibility. But if u decide to put articles in here... be prepared to have pple Dispute it.

i have no idea why pple have to accept your article simply becos it is an article. i think some of us have earned the right to write our own articles... and if pple question, i'm sure we're there to explain...

u can't just expect everyone to accept what u say, especially when u're not even the person saying it. even for religion - i dun just believe becos of my religion... i believe becos i had to be convinced.

 

[jn1234]

Not 3rd party bashing, that's from the author's perspective, not my perspective. Did I go 3rd party bashing or rant in any other my posts in this forum? Did I not get over my own predicament and solicit pity from forummers? Read carefully, I did mention in my post "I think is quite meaningful warning those unfaithful to marriage and to third parties of someone's marriage. " ie including for the unfaithful spouse to ponder the possible consequences of affair, more to use moral of this for all involved in affairs to ponder whether is it worth it to be involved in affairs. Really, is it worth is - is what the purpose of my post. Don't be too narrow and look only one-sided only from the perspective of the author. I am not sharing on whoever is wrong part, but more on the destruction that affairs have to marriage, life and kids.

I noticed you are v worked up every time such similar topic is discussed. Understand you are divorced. Are you defending for yourself?

 

[powder]

end of the day, nobody here wants u to be sad or aggrieved, or in a more crude term - nobody wants to see u get fcuked, and your life screwed.

your life n future is in your hands.

 

[powder]

Jenny,

"I noticed you are v worked up every time such similar topic is discussed. Understand you are divorced. Are you defending for yourself?"

- u have such poor judgment with regards to sm.

 

[jn1234]

I am sharing only, did I say I expect anyone to accept whatever I say? No one is always right or wrong, and on the same topic, different people have different opinion. Who is to say who is more right and who is more wrong?

Anyway, you can ignore the article if you are so so against it. Anyway, you want to claim you are full full of exposure and experience, I am not stopping you (albeit who can say he/she has experienced everything in life?) I don't even bother if you want to insist you are right, I am wrong. I take things easy, I do not like quarrelling with people or go around blaming others, you want to win, let you win. I am just sharing in this forum, not go around looking for quarrel. Boy, this forum is really quarrelsome.

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[jn1234]

sm, powder, milo, I noticed 3 of you almost dominate this forum and go round bashing whoever is not in agreement with you. Forum is for different people to share different opinion and experiences. If you go around bashing people, if drives away some forummers who are less quarrelsome and find it so tiring to debate with you, so would rather let you win. Does it defeat the purpose of the forum? The forum will only be left with the voices of a few domineering ones.

powder, I am curious, in your many posts, you hint that you earn a lot. So you should be very senior and busy in a company. Why then are you so free visit this forum almost everyday and be bothered with all the nitty-gritty auntie agonies stories which repeat and repeat in many people? Just to bash people?

 

[powder]

for someone who talks abt nobody being right or wrong, u seem very engrossed with the very concept of it. so maybe it's time u looked at yourself... becos u are obviously very bothered by it.

for someone who endorses and feels an article has lessons to teach, u are unable to expand on it, nor discuss the merits... but simply make simplistic references to it, down to accepting or not. what's wrong with disputing it? is this not abt discussions? that's the problems with digging articles u Didn't write and u're not even able to expand the scope to cover WHy u believe in it, but merely go very auntie on pple who dun agree with it.

u expect pple to accept your views with simplistic arguments like nobody is right or wrong, and then trying to make it personal with no relevance whatsoever...

"I take things easy, I do not like quarrelling with people or go around blaming others, you want to win, let you win. I am just sharing in this forum, not go around looking for quarrel. Boy, this forum is really quarrelsome."
- this sounds more like u, actually. it takes 2 to form a quarrel... considering u're on the other side, i fail to see how u can pretend like it's pple who wanna quarrel with u, whilst u're the Zen-goddess keeping cool.

nobody is quarreling with u in any case, pple just dun agree with the article u posted and state why they dun agree. surprised that u dun like to quarrel and yet u taking an issue with this. surprised that u talk abt sharing in a forum and yet u take an issue with pple sharing the other angles to your article.

seems u have issues with disagreements, yet do not take the trouble to wisen yourself, nor see why.

 

[simpleman]

"I noticed you are v worked up every time such similar topic is discussed. Understand you are divorced. Are you defending for yourself?"

Not only such topics but topics when people are screwing themselves and taking the blame to someone else without looking at themselves.

Ha ha.. As to my marital status. I am pretty open. Yes, I am divorced. In fact I am in similar situation as you but I NEVER see myself as a victim. NEVER. Not even in the beginning. Definitely not now or ever.

Marriage is one of the most beautiful event that one can go through. Even though I am divorced now, I firmly believe that I will go through the same thing and married the same woman that I had been married to, if given the chance. Even though my marriage cannot last forever, I don't regret. I don't have a single bitter feeling about my failed marriage.

Even as I am divorced, I am still grateful to my ex-wife for giving me three wonderful children - which I think is one of the greatest achievement of my life.

I am defending myself? Care to elaborate? Well, I am willing to take all the blame in the world for all I care. But does it matter?

 

[jn1234]

ok, you all win.

 

[simpleman]

Jenny,

you don't like to debate what is "right or wrong" and yet you just posted the article.. It is not implying that 3rd party is 'wrong'?

Can't you see it is just a one-dimensional view?

And when I disagree, I stated the reasons. Is this quarrelsome? And NO. By your definition of quarrelsome, I have quareled with Milo and Powder very fiercely as well. But No. We were just discussing about various view points and we did it very often (in the past) - nowadays much less topic to debate.

And if you want to go along the that no one is always right or wrong.. then what is the point of the article you are sharing.

Oops.. I better not post anymore.. have to go make some money.. ha ha

 

[jn1234]

Happy?

 

[powder]

weird, it seems u are Very Very into this right or wrong, win or lose thing... i have no idea what prize there is actually... but nothing here worth winning.

my consolation is to see pple move on... when u post things like these, u are dragging pple into looking at 3rd parties, instead of focusing on how to move on and better their lives... i dun agree with that, so i believe in this forum, i can share why i dun believe.

u're the one taking it sooooo personally. u're even desperate enough to lump sm, milo and me together... when we are very different and have different experiences in life. just becos we agree on some topics does not mean anything... do u also see the times we've argued? No Rite? cos your mind is such - u are set in certain views - u will find everything to support your view.

it is much easier for u to believe 3 of us are bad pple, or that we are ganging up... than to face your own weaknesses.

 

[powder]

as for "powder, I am curious, in your many posts, you hint that you earn a lot. So you should be very senior and busy in a company. Why then are you so free visit this forum almost everyday and be bothered with all the nitty-gritty auntie agonies stories which repeat and repeat in many people? Just to bash people?"

- u just insulted alot of forummers who bother to take time off to share solutions thru their experience. u also insulted alot of pple who have problems, calling their problems "nitty-gritty auntie agonies stories"

whatever works for u i guess. i think u're the only one who doesn't notice how biased u are. u are constantly contradicting yourself, u dun even know what is right or wrong.... yet u wanna advise pple.

i take time off to be here from time to time becos in my absence, the quality of advice and mentality - would be like Yours. (ie if noone else points out the article being lopsided like what sm did)

sadly, u are in absolutely no position to advise, nor help, nor actually do anything useful for anyone. u share stories that are not yours, endorse articles u can't explain, defend yourself without a proper defence except a "u win" or by making me look like i'm bad.

your type of arguments, even my 5yr-old daughter can't accept.

look at how u conclude things... "you hint that you earn a lot. So you should be very senior and busy in a company."
- what even makes u think that pple who earn alot, have to be senior and in a company??? your mind is so constrained with your biases and pre-conceived notions that u are blind to reality.

your judgment is so bad, yet u expect pple to subscribe to your judgment in that article.

 

[jn1234]

Sigh, 被我说中了，start bashing people again.

I am not even saying I am advising people or expecting people to accept everything I said.

Ok, I am wrong, my judgement is bad, so you all please come to the forum everyday to advise people ok? 有点此地无银三百两。

Pathetic people. Why you just want to win everything?

 

[powder]

your last post reflects what is impt to u.

 

[simpleman]

Who is more pathetic. You do think too highly of yourselves that we relish in bashing you. You really think we are so free?

People don't agree means bashing. People don't agree means quarreling.

This is a open forum. Can't you accept dissenting viewpoints without baseless accusations?

Who wants to win. Only person talking about win and lose is you.

You posted an article. I disagree with the content of that article and I stated my reasons. If you don't agree with what I said then state the reasons instead of just making senseless statements about winning and losing.

 

[miloice]

Its clear who is so worked out. Be honest with yourself. Bashing PEOPLE? I suggest to reread what was written. How calm are you really?

ok, you all win.

Happy?

Pathetic people. Why you just want to win everything?

Everyone has eyes to see. From the very 1st post sm mentioned abt digging out old post, u were already on the defensive mode. Let's discuss not argue. Big diff there. Its not to win, its to exchange. There will be disagreements. How was it handled? It reflects on the each and every individual. You, me, sm and any other user in this forum. Think about that. I encourage you to reread again and be really honest with yourself. Why is it so that others are able to continue exchanging in the discussion. Can you? Is this how you disagree with others?

The very people that keep mentioning about winning are those that are so bothered with it. Its a discussion, nothing really to win.

 

[clark]

The '3 musketeers' are back !

Fat Milo, Stupid man and Impotent.

 

[powder]

your intelligence is baffling...

i never actually left, i'm here more than u, and u declare it like a freakin host.

but it's a good sign though... u have a penchant for 'supporting equally lame pple' and incite them.

 

[miloice]

Name callings from the forum regular troll that pops up every now and then like a terrorist to disrupt. Was there even any point brought forward?

 

[september]

No time to go thru all the posts....but this is so drama! Anyway, I disagree on how the TS gng to treat the innocent young gal, coz it is nv her fault!

O...hi people!

 

[blueprincess]

the idea of being in love w a married man somehow disgusts me. how could anyone think of such a stupid thing?

I feel sorry for the the poor little gal and feel scared for her well being. To TS, I believe in karma and retribution. If you do anything bad, u think no one knows. But God knows. You already committed something sinful - falling for a married man. Harm the child and you are committing a double sin.

 

[powder]

yes, u will be going out with a single bachelor... after 3yrs and thinking u'll marry him... he tells u he has been married all along.

that's reality for u.

 

[september]

blueprincess, actually such things is common, but just that it is not acceptable in most people eyes.....dun forget that we do not fall in love with someone with condition set out lor....it usually just happen....

powder, u r still the same lor...

 

[miloice]

well, similarly, for a straight guy, the idea of men gay sex will probably disgust most of us. But, love is love. Emotions don't stick to rules. We have conscience, morals and values to guide us individually, not us leading others and judging them. In the same way, our conscience and moral guide us, shouldn't advises be focused in encouraging them to be honest and real with themselves? If a person has no conscience and morals to begin, there isn't much anyone could really advise. These people are probably beyond help and are not open to any to begin with.

No one needs to live by what others wants and expect of them. Pointing fingers at them and telling how much disgust we have over their affairs probably doesn't help a single bit.

Regardless its an affair or not, people in love tend to be clouded by their emotions. Just ask yourself, if in such shoes, how would one be waken from their dreams? Is it by people telling them how to live lives in approval of the public? Or pointing out the harsh reality and responsibility, probable outcome of their actions. In any case, if we show no interest to understand the context nor display any empathy, the advise will almost surely fall to deaf ears. It will be just empty noises telling the world what we think of others.

This is the very reason why many have pointed out repeatedly, its really pointless to go to talk endlessly of our personal emotions / disgust etc of another person's relationship. Ok, we are disgusted, so what? There is no relevance. It wouldn't at all help, and for sure, they wouldn't listen as well.

 

[jn1234]

Rationale people with mind to think will be able to get out of it. If unfortunately you are such a relationship with married people, it is your own thinking and conscience to lead you to decide whether you want to stay in the relationship. That's the purpose of my posting above. Is it worth it to continue with married people?

Just some unrationale unthinking people can't figure out.

blueprincess, you say such word as "disgust", you will open yourself to a lot of attack by those 3 regulars. You see you were being "suan" by one already. I have experienced that in another post. They can post their opinion even profanity but they start fiercely attacking others when others post something they dislike. See their attacking posts above, which I choose to ignore 3 of them from now on.

 

[miloice]

"blueprincess, you say such word as "disgust", you will open yourself to a lot of attack by those 3 regulars."

Not to worry, bp is much more open to discussions. when there are disagreements, its about the points, not the person. Attack this attack that. It reflects the inability to separate personal emotions with the discussions. There is only one user right now in this thread that doesn't stop this attack mode.

If you noticed, I didn't comment about your initial posts but your subsequent responses that was completely personal. Please refrain from grouping, each individual spoke on their own views. What profanity have you seen me used on you? None. The plot is lost when you got so personal and took any disagreement as a personal attack. SM's comments that it was crap got you all worked up. Fair enough, but after sm's clarifications on why he disagreed with the post. Nothing seemed to be able to bring you back from that attack mode.

Please quote how have I attacked you. You might not have realized, you wrote much more than me. This is only my 3rd reply for you. You just conveniently grouped me as part of the pack.

 

[powder]

hi Diana,

yeah, been awhile i guess... as u can see, not much difference.

 

[blueprincess]

@Powder: I won't. I will prove you wrong. Pls do not insult my intelligence by implying such stuff. I know you are saying this based on your impression on my posts but I do not think your statement is fair to me.

@Diana: one has to be careful and not fall for a married man. if one realises that one's bf is married, the only wise thing is to step away. For me, I have my morals....I can't accept a married man as my bf. simple as that.

@Milo: can you accept IF your wife sleep with another man no matter how much you love her? Same here. I can't accept if my bf cheats on me or if he is already married. It is against what I can accept. So, although love is about emotions, love is also about what one can accept.

@Jenny: I agree with you. If my bf is a married man, then I know he is not an honest man. I will not want to live the rest of my life loving a man who cheats. I do not want to suffer. So, logically I will not choose a man who cheats. Just like I won't, eg, put myself at financial risk by buying a condo when I can't afford it, I will not put my happiness at risk by being with a married man, or even by being w a guy who cheats. Thus I agree that rationale pple w rationale minds can get out of it. It is all about conscience.

Milo is right that I am open to discussions. but when it gets personal like what Powder is doing, then I don't think that is right. Pls lah, Powder, wat right do you have to say that my reality will be that scenario that you have painted out? You do not even know me in real life.

Now it makes me wonder if your interpretation regarding my Kuan Yin divine lot no. 24 is something for me to really think about or you were juz being pure sarcastic.

 

[powder]

sheesh, that's just so sad...

u can't tell if i was wishing that for u... or if i was telling u a direct scenario which i am just throwing u into, so that u get a feel of wat's it like being an Unknowing 3rd party. just add the words "IMAGINE THAT.... " to the front of my post to know the tone of my post.

i'm gonna give u 1 chance to understand... when i said "that's reality for u.", i dun mean YOU YOU.

it's like when i tell my brother "that's mum for u", or i tell my colleagues "that's the MD for u", or when i tell my frens "that's Gov for u"....

as for my interpretation on guanyin, i leave it to u. end of the day she won't speak directly to u... so u decide who's interpretation works for u.

u need exposure.

 

[powder]

as for jenny,

your life will determine how right u are... since u're so engrossed with it. it is that simple... lying on your bed dying after decades of living... u will know the answers. the lies u have lived, the denials...

the very things u have accused me of - are the things u are very much guilty of.

 

[blueprincess]

Haha. Powder do u mean tt Guan Yin is using u to speak to me or tt she is speaking directly to u? What makes u so sure tt she wun speak to me directly? Unless u can show me pls dun talk like u r so absolutely sure.

Well in realitu there r many kinds of pple n tt includes both honest guys n cheats. So u can't say tt reality is such.

 

[miloice]

hi bp, from each past relationship problems, I have searched and reflect within first. If you really think about it, such questions serve very little meaning.

We can spend many hours and days imagining how it would be like. But frankly, when it happens, it happens. I will just have to take it from there. How many people have spoke about their personal morals and how impossible it would be for them to get into affairs? Often, when they finally fall, they cannot even face nor accept themselves. How many have you always been right about your future. Each time we fell in love, it felt that the one and we put in all we have expecting it to be like how we wanted it. How many times did it really happened that way? So, being so sure of ourselves over such things is really pointless. Its completely situational. The context changes.

More so, this isn't a thread about ourselves and all the what ifs permutations about us. It is about people that have fallen in love with someone already married. Do we attempt to see in their shoes ? Do we see their context or do we only see ourselves all of the time ?

 

[miloice]

Anyway, to bring relevance back to the TS story.

En Xuan wasn't really having an affair with her bf. 1stly, she was unaware. After he revealed to her about his marital status and that his wife already left for another man months before they even met. All clearly written in her very 1st post.

So, I don't see the link when Jenny said :
"but En Xuan's story serves a good example to those married person involved in affairs and third parties to someone's marriage. Those involved in affairs as well as third parties, ask yourself, are you happy? Are you happy to be underground forever, or even if the adulterous pairs got married, ask yourself seriously are you happy?"

Why underground, what adulterous pairs? It isn't even relevant. But, Jenny is just too eager to cut and paste all over in several threads. Good example of not reading.

 

[ariel84]

Blueprincess, it may disgust you now but never say never. Not saying that you will fall for a married man, but in life, there are many things that happened out of our control.

I've at least two friends who vehemently stated they will never fall for married guys but in the end, they did. Not that they went out looking for one, it just happened. I don't judge them but i feel for them, it's a really tough road because at the end of the day, they got nothing.

Never say never. I was so sure i will never fall for a guy who has a different religion from me (i was supposedly staunch) but now i'm married to one. I am so self-righteous i told people i didn't understand why they would marry someone of a diff faith and i silently shook my head at them. And guess who holds the blackest pot today...

 

[babystorm]

When I was younger (not that I'm not young now haha), I thought that falling in love with a married man and being the third party are unacceptable and maybe like what bp said, disgusting. I had a strong sense of self-righteous.

Until I saw it happened to others and subsequently on myself. Slowly I realised that life is not 1 + 1 = 2 and never say never to anything. We are only humans and sometimes the heart overrules the head.

I'm glad that I was given some good advices in this forum because instead of criticising me, they were able to empathise with me. One person actually asked me to go ahead and be the third party. I still remember what he said. No matter what others advised, sometimes you have to bang the wall to know the pain. Logically, my head tells me to go away. Emotionally, I could not pull away. It was a long struggle within myself. I think it helps that the man did not initiate anything. At that time, it's enough to topple me.

I'm sure everyone has a sense of self-righteous, morals and set of values in them. What I was exposed to and gone through has made me not to judge others so quickly. Nobody is born to want to do the 'wrong' thing. In a nutshell, there must be a story behind them. Look deeper and listen with your heart.

Having said so much, I still feel that the child is innocent. But I'm very sure TS feels miserable too. Nobody can feel at peace when you have so much hatred inside you.

 

[blueprincess]

Hi Ariel,
Will u ever do something immoral or against ur principles n values? I m sure u will not, n nt even in d most emotional or d most tempting of situations. Esp if u r a good gal ingrained w good values. Same here. Ariel. I can never hold d hand of a man who has lied to me abt his marital status n who cheats on his wife by committing adultery. Such a man has fallen in my eyes n i can never love such a man again. If he can cheat on his wife, he can also cheat on me. I m nt stupid. N i can never b d other woman, or b some woman having such shady relationship. All these r outside my value system n i m a woman who respects herself n loves herself enuff nt to bring shame to herself by indulging in such acts.

U can choose to love someone or to stop loving someone, Ariel. While it may not b within ur control to choose who to love, it is definetely within ur control to choose whether to continue to love tat person n commit a life time to him OR to stop loving a person who does not deserve ur love anymore b'cos he hid his marital status frm u.

Ariel, if u hav a bf n one day he tells u he is married, wld u continue d r/s and go against ur conscience? Wld u continue d r/s n suffer knwing tt he has a wife whom he goes back to? Wld u continue ur r/s knowing tt u r nt d only gal in his heart?

I think d answer is clear. U will not continue right?

Ariel, it is ok to end up marrying someone of a different faith when u were initially sure u will nt do tt. Tis is perfectly fine n we r nt talking abt morals or sins here

BUT, d issue on d married man Is different. Here we r talking abt our moral values, shame (or d lack of it), principles, etc.

Ariel juz like i wun go n steal, backstab or do evil to pple, i wun fall for a married man too. If i ever find out my bf is married i will end d r/s there and then. I will do tt no matter how much i love him. Cos i m a decent woman. If a woman can't do tt then her moral values r questionable.

And i m smart as well. No way i m gg to suffer being in a r/s w a married man. Does nt make sense at all. All d pain, tears n fears tt come w it, i m nt gg to go thru all these. I do not wan to waste my time w a married man as nothing good will come out of it.

 

[blueprincess]

Milo, i m nt trying to judge Enxuan, but a decent gal wun hav allowed herself to get entangled like tt. If I were her i wld hav stepped aside n pray for d family to reunite. If she were good n decent d poor child wld nt be suffering right now.

I really feel for tis child. My heart goes out to her.

Milo, married men r untouchable.

 

[blueprincess]

Hi Miyako, can u sleep at night knowing tt u hav been d 3rd party? Can u raise u head uo knowing tt u broke up a family? N if children were involved, can u live knowing tt u crushed their world?

I do not knw ur story n u may say tt d r/s betwn ur bf n his ex wife were alr in tatters even b4 u n him got together. Bt if u were not there, this family cld hav a chance to get back tog. But u destroyed all hope n chances n possibilities of ur bf n ex wife reuniting. Ur presence made a difference.

TS created all these hatred on her own. Cos she chose tiz man when she cld hav juz walked away n chose other single men. She only has herself to blame. D child is totally innocent.

 

[miloice]

bp, I disagree. As mentioned, Enxuan wasn't aware of his martial status. By the time, he reveal it to her, he assured her that his wife has already moved on with another man even before her presence.

We all know separation before divorce takes 3 yrs normally. What decency are you talking about? Maybe you can clarify. Enxuan's problem isn't about affairs. Rather, is her inability to manage a relationship with a man with baggage and responsibility that conflicts with her own personal interests. She would have issues with relationship not just married / divorce men with children. She is likely to have problems with in-laws, his family and friends as well. She has a strong selfish need to possess and dominate her man in all aspects.

 

[powder]

blue,

think u should actually date and have a relationship first before u make further comments.

your ideals and values are untested, untried and have not gone thru any tribulations. they have not been put to real tests and thus the Real u has not been shaped as yet.

this may be harsh, but i believe u might be on the way to replicating the same person u do not want to.

many have come forward to say not to speak too soon, but this they mean speaking before actually being thrown into difficult situations...

by your current self, i dun think much is gonna improve, and i strongly believe there will come a day u realise how badly u have screwed your life, holding on to ideals that sounds right to a kid, but a mature adult might know that some reasons run deeper...

wish u all the best, but i think he first thing u'll realise is that Your ideals can repulse those around u, as much as u feel repulsed.

 

[blueprincess]

Hi Milo, Enxuan's then bf had yet to sign d divorce papers at tt time right? Wldn't he technically still b considered married? Do correct me if wrong. Agree abt her inability....

Hi Powder i dun c ur logic n i dun think ur comments r fair. I think it us ridiculous to link two seperate issues tog - my views on being w a married man n my present issues abt wanting to improve my life.

I stand by my values n principles.

 

[miloice]

hi bp, technically... consider this scenario.
Spouse abandoned family and disappeared. Does it mean the wife will be left hanging with married status and undecent to be emotionally attached or to move on? My point is... we need to look at the context. En Xuan was already emotionally very attached in the relationship before she even knew of his marital status. It isn't the case that his wife was still clinging on. She moved on. To be fair, its completely understandable that one would be confused and hard to let go. Why should she let go simply because papers are not signed? Its not logical at all. The idea of praying that they would make up is unreal. Realize that people do make mistakes. Its pointless to continue a mistake, once they have decided to move on, is there any need to look back and pray to savage what is clearly not right to begin with??

Technically... that's sad that we rigid our lives with rules rather than applying our principles and value dynamically depending on the context. Our principles are generically similar. It is the application that really differs.

Remember one thing.... what keep the marriage going isn't the paper nor the legal responsibilities & accountability. It is the relationship itself, the family bonding that binds the marriage together. That's where we need to focus our energy on. Not disapproving others than we have no control over.

Cheers.