Glad we can finally talk.
I didn't say staying in loveless marriage is good for kids. I did stress head should rule over heart in one of my posts above :
"If love is so over-empowering that heart rules over head, why can some estranged couples choose the path of divorce? Do you mean that all divorced couples don't love each other? May not be so. Some really choose the path of divorce cos' they are rational. When you know there is really no other way out, so the most rational thing to do in estranged marriage is to divorce. No point dragging and make more people suffer. I believe SM is the same too. No one marry for the intention to divorce eventually. Most married for love. But when there are circumstances that result in the couple no longer able to be together, it is more rational to choose the divorce path. Eg when the wife loves her husband, but her husband does not love her anymore. Should the wife continue to wallow in sorrows because she is still deeply in love with her husband, or should she let go? "
So her husband's daughter is really the innocent victim, a victim not of her own choice, so why should she be condemned by En Xuan and her own father? Since they have chosen the path to be together, En Xuan should accept the fact that this path comes with this baggage and not condemn the baggage. It is really pitiful that a little girl should be let to struggle on her own by the person who brought her to this world and should have protected her. Whether En Xuan is obliged to play her role as the girl's mother is up to individual's choice, but at least she should not separate her father from her. I am not faulting En Xuan or her husband or her husband's ex-wife and I as an outsider, am also in no position to fault any of them. We are not them, we only hear from what En Xuan said in this forum, we will never understand what are all the problems between them. But at least we all agree she should be kind to the daughter. It is what she has chosen (even unwillingly) when she chooses to be with a married man.
Our responsibilities as parents to our children will never never end. Blood is thicker than any other things. The intention of my post is not to condemn any party but for people (whether involved in affairs or not) to look beyond love and ponder the possible consequences of entangling in love outside marriage, especially the impact on the kid. Read the article from the perspective of the impact on the kid in the article - some may really end up so extreme case. Am I even agreeing with the author that I am condemning the 3rd party? See things in more perspective, not only from the surface. But hor, I got attacked for condemning the 3rd party. Oh gosh!
If you have unknowingly fall in love with a married person, after you get to know it, is it better to re-assess whether to continue with the relationship. To err is human's nature, but it is your choice if you continue to err and you are solely responsible for it. In En Xuan's case, even when the ex-wife has already the intention to end the marriage, but En Xuan really can't seem to be able to handle the additional baggage. She refuses to accept the responsible of her choice, ie the daughter. Who knows, maybe if the wife keeps in contact with the husband (she would have to, unless she does not want to see her daughter at all), then what's next? Maybe En Xuan will become suspicious of them getting together again. Is she even mature enough to handle? Thru'out the whole saga, so many things happening, has she grown up with more maturity to handle things in a more matured way, or continue to insist on her way?
I am a staunch believer of "towards a gracious society". So I really can't stand sarcastic words and profanity in choice of words. Treat people the way you want them to treat you. If your spouse or kids have problems and seek your advice, surely you don't starting cursing and throwing sarcastic remarks at them, right? Thus I do not really concur the choice of words by some forummers.