cherrycakes
New Member
hi all.
i dont even know who i married any more. and we have 1 daughter and i dont know what to do
when we were dating i found i had some infections and had to go see a doctor. they were all sex-related. i confronted him and he said it was all from his "past"
by then we had been together for some time, so i thought i should accept him since that was all in the past, and i should move on, So i got engaged and then married. 1.5 later we got pregnant and during pregnancy i found out about all this - by accident cos i saw his phone to look at some of our medical checkup emails (it was really an accidental finding) - because he had A LONG LIST of what he had done and where he had gone, including dates, names of different people for ONS and flings and FWBs etc.. it is a very long list. turns out he also cheated while with me. He went with all his friends for "stag nights" overseas where they called girls over. so there were at least 4-5 trips until we got engaged then he claimed he stopped. so all this was when i was in and out of doctor's office for so many problems and yet he did not even tell me or quietly get checked each time he had a "trip". he also invited 3 FWBs to our wedding (basically because they are his friends and he's slept with them. i didnt even know who these people were on the guest list, i just thought former colleagues.
by then i was already pregnant, and he begged me so i went through the pregnancy and decided to give him a chance - he went for counselling etc.
nearly 2 years later, i find out that he has still been hiding truths here and there -- needed to ask 10 times before he finally gives the truth
1) even after 2 years of counselling, he never really self-reflected. he kept photos and videos of all his "conquests" and his ex girlfriends etc and would masturbate to them even when we were married. i found out only because for counselling we had to look through all his "content" for full transparency
2) when we met, he was still sleeping around with several other girls and told his buddies i was not as "hot" as all his other exes and that he would sleep around for a bit before he made us official.
now when all the truth is out, he's still going for counselling but he tells me he will truly reform, i mean i think i've given way too many chances already, i think this is doomed for failure from now on.
we sleep in separate rooms and every other day i feel like it's time to move on
he hasnt been very hands on either...
what to do ?
i know this is all "In the past"
but the issue here is after i found out and gave a chance, why did he take those chances for granted and continue to lie and not make an effort?
i cant see him in the same way again, i dont think i can bring myself to even care for him at all.
but our daughter - i mean i wont even know how to explain to anyone why any of this has happened. and i dont want to become a depressed mother, how will my daughter grow up ?
advice and thoughts ? what would you do? i honestly dont know
i dont even know who i married any more. and we have 1 daughter and i dont know what to do
when we were dating i found i had some infections and had to go see a doctor. they were all sex-related. i confronted him and he said it was all from his "past"
by then we had been together for some time, so i thought i should accept him since that was all in the past, and i should move on, So i got engaged and then married. 1.5 later we got pregnant and during pregnancy i found out about all this - by accident cos i saw his phone to look at some of our medical checkup emails (it was really an accidental finding) - because he had A LONG LIST of what he had done and where he had gone, including dates, names of different people for ONS and flings and FWBs etc.. it is a very long list. turns out he also cheated while with me. He went with all his friends for "stag nights" overseas where they called girls over. so there were at least 4-5 trips until we got engaged then he claimed he stopped. so all this was when i was in and out of doctor's office for so many problems and yet he did not even tell me or quietly get checked each time he had a "trip". he also invited 3 FWBs to our wedding (basically because they are his friends and he's slept with them. i didnt even know who these people were on the guest list, i just thought former colleagues.
by then i was already pregnant, and he begged me so i went through the pregnancy and decided to give him a chance - he went for counselling etc.
nearly 2 years later, i find out that he has still been hiding truths here and there -- needed to ask 10 times before he finally gives the truth
1) even after 2 years of counselling, he never really self-reflected. he kept photos and videos of all his "conquests" and his ex girlfriends etc and would masturbate to them even when we were married. i found out only because for counselling we had to look through all his "content" for full transparency
2) when we met, he was still sleeping around with several other girls and told his buddies i was not as "hot" as all his other exes and that he would sleep around for a bit before he made us official.
now when all the truth is out, he's still going for counselling but he tells me he will truly reform, i mean i think i've given way too many chances already, i think this is doomed for failure from now on.
we sleep in separate rooms and every other day i feel like it's time to move on
he hasnt been very hands on either...
what to do ?
i know this is all "In the past"
but the issue here is after i found out and gave a chance, why did he take those chances for granted and continue to lie and not make an effort?
i cant see him in the same way again, i dont think i can bring myself to even care for him at all.
but our daughter - i mean i wont even know how to explain to anyone why any of this has happened. and i dont want to become a depressed mother, how will my daughter grow up ?
advice and thoughts ? what would you do? i honestly dont know
