In love with A married man ...
- Thread starter enxuan
- Start date
I am giving back to him for what he is giving back to me.
Jenny, not to pick bones with you. But some of what you wrote that Milo highlighted are not directed solely on Powder only.
You used the word "they". But I am cool about it. Even if you lump us together when for a fact we are not together. We just happen to have the same view points in this specific instance. I didn't need to defend that we are not together and would not even want to discuss about this.
The point is that your posts are not merely giving back to him (powder) when we got it as well. So, don't to wriggle out. Just admit that you made a mistake by lumping us together.
As for powder, I have no comments. He will speak for himself.
Jenny, not to pick bones with you. But some of what you wrote that Milo highlighted are not directed solely on Powder only.
You used the word "they". But I am cool about it. Even if you lump us together when for a fact we are not together. We just happen to have the same view points in this specific instance. I didn't need to defend that we are not together and would not even want to discuss about this.
The point is that your posts are not merely giving back to him (powder) when we got it as well. So, don't to wriggle out. Just admit that you made a mistake by lumping us together.
As for powder, I have no comments. He will speak for himself.
Jenny,
Not whether more sensible or not. I don't care if you lump us.. you are not the first or last.. But if you want to lump then treat it consistently.. and don't say we gang up to bully.
If you don't lump us together then we can engage one or one and not used they, we.
Not whether more sensible or not. I don't care if you lump us.. you are not the first or last.. But if you want to lump then treat it consistently.. and don't say we gang up to bully.
If you don't lump us together then we can engage one or one and not used they, we.
blueprincess
New Member
Hi Milo I knw Powder means well bt i juz can't stand his sarcasm. I knw wat he is getting at bt his sarcastic tone really puts me off.
Bt there is a silver lining here. At least Powder has given me a chance on how to handle sarcastic pple. I knw everyone is diff n will respect pple no matter how diff our opinions r. N i knw i cant control others. Will always rem this...
Hi Powder i knw u mean well other wise u wld nt hav taken time to write so much to advice me bt as u knw i m v direct so that is why i said i din like d way u said some things. Nothing personal. Juz voicing it out. Powder u knw my English nt as gd as urs....so can expln wat u mean by ur job is done w me? Do u mean tt u hav achieved ur goal of wanting me to speak up for myself, etc? I made d remark on consdescending cuz u mentioned d word first mah...Yup i hav arranged a grp activity w frens frm my werkpl tiz weekend. Gd starting pt yah...
Hi SM...i knw i hav a long way to go n hav to catchup...
Bt there is a silver lining here. At least Powder has given me a chance on how to handle sarcastic pple. I knw everyone is diff n will respect pple no matter how diff our opinions r. N i knw i cant control others. Will always rem this...
Hi Powder i knw u mean well other wise u wld nt hav taken time to write so much to advice me bt as u knw i m v direct so that is why i said i din like d way u said some things. Nothing personal. Juz voicing it out. Powder u knw my English nt as gd as urs....so can expln wat u mean by ur job is done w me? Do u mean tt u hav achieved ur goal of wanting me to speak up for myself, etc? I made d remark on consdescending cuz u mentioned d word first mah...Yup i hav arranged a grp activity w frens frm my werkpl tiz weekend. Gd starting pt yah...
Hi SM...i knw i hav a long way to go n hav to catchup...
miloice
Well-Known Member
Hi Jenny, I can't stop you.
However, I disagree with the mentality of an eye for an eye. It makes the whole world blind. I would always encourage to minimize the personal differences and focus on the context and discussion. We are all emotional, so for sure, we will have some reactions & differences. But, let's be aware of it and keep it in check instead of magnifying it.
Also, I don't agree that powder is less sensible. He is just not adopting the softer and diplomatic approach with you. I have voiced out my opinion to him before. He replied with his reasons and respected that. None of us can control the tone of another. I just attempt to bring people back to talking terms.
Graciousness begins with us and not wait for others. If you believe in it, then practice that more.
However, I disagree with the mentality of an eye for an eye. It makes the whole world blind. I would always encourage to minimize the personal differences and focus on the context and discussion. We are all emotional, so for sure, we will have some reactions & differences. But, let's be aware of it and keep it in check instead of magnifying it.
Also, I don't agree that powder is less sensible. He is just not adopting the softer and diplomatic approach with you. I have voiced out my opinion to him before. He replied with his reasons and respected that. None of us can control the tone of another. I just attempt to bring people back to talking terms.
Graciousness begins with us and not wait for others. If you believe in it, then practice that more.
blueprincess
New Member
Hi Jenny i agree w Milo. D mentality of an eye for an eye shld b frowned upon. For me in treat pple w politeness n respect even tho they may nt do d same w me. Bt it does not mean i treat them in a friendly manner. It juz means i choose to nt stoop to d same level as them n do to them wat they did to me. I dun agree tt when pple treat u badly then u return them d same treatment. Cuz tis makes u no different frm them.
bp,
Well at least I think tat powder harsh wordings have u stand up for urself....which is a good thing.
SM,
Yes, although most woman like to put the blame on TOW, but I guess deep down they do know their hb is at fault de...but cannot face it or admit it lah....likewise, it took me sometime to face it and admit tat all the 3 of us hv fault but my hb hv a bigger fault le...
Well at least I think tat powder harsh wordings have u stand up for urself....which is a good thing.
SM,
Yes, although most woman like to put the blame on TOW, but I guess deep down they do know their hb is at fault de...but cannot face it or admit it lah....likewise, it took me sometime to face it and admit tat all the 3 of us hv fault but my hb hv a bigger fault le...
Milo/blueprincess
Just feel that his tone always put people down, when they are already at their lowest. Why push people to a corner and also why make fun of people? Also his "I know all" attitude. Bp, you geniunely believe his deciphering of your lot?
Ok, in future I will just ignore whatever he says.
Just feel that his tone always put people down, when they are already at their lowest. Why push people to a corner and also why make fun of people? Also his "I know all" attitude. Bp, you geniunely believe his deciphering of your lot?
Ok, in future I will just ignore whatever he says.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Yes and no. Largely reliant on the audience as well. There are also those that appreciated and benefit from the harshness as well to drive down the message.
Diana, yes, mostly the husband have a major responsibility. But with the over domineering career women, sometimes, its cos the wife as well.
Diana, yes, mostly the husband have a major responsibility. But with the over domineering career women, sometimes, its cos the wife as well.
erm, jenny is not in my league, i dun really bother pple who is fren-fren when u agree, and then whack u when u disagree. and this coming from a person who says there's no right or wrong...
jenny is the perfect picture of inconsistency, biase, prejudice and everything that a person without intergrity and credibility should possess.
sad part is she is willing to lose credibility over an article she doesn't write, but endorse. these are the type of pple who will be made use off - to fight a war and made a scapegoat.
now she is trying the buddy buddy again and then trying to do those childish ostracizing of me...
seriously u think it Works????? my goodness.
u said "Just feel that his tone always put people down, when they are already at their lowest. Why push people to a corner and also why make fun of people?"
- erm, i 'always'? u 'feel'?
jenny is the perfect picture of inconsistency, biase, prejudice and everything that a person without intergrity and credibility should possess.
sad part is she is willing to lose credibility over an article she doesn't write, but endorse. these are the type of pple who will be made use off - to fight a war and made a scapegoat.
now she is trying the buddy buddy again and then trying to do those childish ostracizing of me...
seriously u think it Works????? my goodness.
u said "Just feel that his tone always put people down, when they are already at their lowest. Why push people to a corner and also why make fun of people?"
- erm, i 'always'? u 'feel'?
blueprincess
New Member
Jenny now tt i am calmer i do nt believe in his dicphering of my lot cuz firstly, d lot is so general n there d so many ways of interpreting it. 2ndly d interpretation dun make sense (sorry Powder) wholly. I looked at d intepretation again afew days ago n only took in d parts tt made sense when put in perspective of d situation i m facing.
blueprincess
New Member
Wat i meant is tt Powder's interpretation did nt make sense at all n wholly. I looked at d original interpretation frm d pink paper n self interpreted n accepted only those part tt made sense when looking frm d perspective of my situation in real life.
miloice
Well-Known Member
"d lot is so general n there d so many ways of interpreting it"
this is the reason why is it so 'accurate' with many followers pledging its faith in it. Even a discussion in a forum can have multiple interpretations. On the whole, we need to be as consistent as possible. Still, it can be completely opened to various interpretations. So, we should be open to be challenged on our points.
My advise, always reread especially when its getting heated. REREAD more carefully. The purpose is not about being politically correct, rather, its an attempt to really understand what others are saying and reacting to.
this is the reason why is it so 'accurate' with many followers pledging its faith in it. Even a discussion in a forum can have multiple interpretations. On the whole, we need to be as consistent as possible. Still, it can be completely opened to various interpretations. So, we should be open to be challenged on our points.
My advise, always reread especially when its getting heated. REREAD more carefully. The purpose is not about being politically correct, rather, its an attempt to really understand what others are saying and reacting to.
bp, (to your post at 4:28 pm)
i dun need to explain myself, sometimes it defeats the very purpose of my posts. u have to take it whichever way u want, i'm not here to win love and frenship.
Life is a very beautiful thing... i come in here, i see pple waste their time over meaningless and petty issues. some are so transfixed on certain values which ultimately Waste their time and life Away... yet they hold on to it refusing to let go.
i'm an optimizer... i only interested in helping pple to optimize their time and save some extra time to live this beautiful life.
that's something i do out of passion. i have gone thru a large part of my young adulthood thru turbulent times and i believe those lessons and MINDSET is something worth sharing to help the next generation cut down on wasted time and life, so i share. that's all there is to it.
i won't take time out with niceties just to win frens i dun really need.
u decide when u wanna start living yours... u're halfway thru it like me.
i dun need to explain myself, sometimes it defeats the very purpose of my posts. u have to take it whichever way u want, i'm not here to win love and frenship.
Life is a very beautiful thing... i come in here, i see pple waste their time over meaningless and petty issues. some are so transfixed on certain values which ultimately Waste their time and life Away... yet they hold on to it refusing to let go.
i'm an optimizer... i only interested in helping pple to optimize their time and save some extra time to live this beautiful life.
that's something i do out of passion. i have gone thru a large part of my young adulthood thru turbulent times and i believe those lessons and MINDSET is something worth sharing to help the next generation cut down on wasted time and life, so i share. that's all there is to it.
i won't take time out with niceties just to win frens i dun really need.
u decide when u wanna start living yours... u're halfway thru it like me.
blueprincess
New Member
Hi Milo n Powder both of posts hav really made me think hard n made an impacy on me
So for tis i m grateful for both of ur help tho i still cant stand Powder's sarcasm. Yup it is only as gd as d interpreter. Bt anyway i m no longer troubled by d lots n in a few days inwld probably forget them totally.
Powder i m starting to live life NOW. Why dun u become life coach or counsellor one day? I think u'll b a v gd one. Bt dun toture ur customers w sarcasm hor unless they r toughies or hard core
So for tis i m grateful for both of ur help tho i still cant stand Powder's sarcasm. Yup it is only as gd as d interpreter. Bt anyway i m no longer troubled by d lots n in a few days inwld probably forget them totally.
Powder i m starting to live life NOW. Why dun u become life coach or counsellor one day? I think u'll b a v gd one. Bt dun toture ur customers w sarcasm hor unless they r toughies or hard core
miloice
Well-Known Member
Apart from Powder's numerous comments and advises, when I was in extreme grieve over my dad's passing. I didn't bear to even bear to talk about it nor post anything. Even my good friends few knew. It was then, I received a pm from powder asking if I'm alright.
I don't know what gave him that intuition. His simple msg was at the right moment for me and I really appreciated that.
I don't know what gave him that intuition. His simple msg was at the right moment for me and I really appreciated that.
I didnt really read the whole lot of reply here... but manage to catch some...
Jus a few words from the heart...
I know my husband daughter does not choose to be born in this type of situation. And i see how much she wants my attention n love before.. before i hate her, i see her innocent & playfulness as what i wanted in a daughter of my own. She was so cute & like a daughter to me when i yet to even had my son. She sleeps in my arms & i chased after her when she runs playfully... i remember its at paragon... She called me "Mummy" for the first time tat day...
When i feed my hubby(then bf) fries, my hubby says" Argh.." and opens his mouth wide playfully, his daughter would copy cat... And then, she was only 2 plus, so small n her actions r so cute...
But, all these are covered by my hatred slowly... yes, It may be caused by my MIL, his ex wife, SIL...etc. The adults r to blame but not her.. i know. But, im not a computer where i can computerise my feelings.
Im only a woman, a woman who is poor in managing her feelings n being lost in her own sense.
Currently, i can only say my hatred for her does not dissolve...i dont know the future. But, for now... not only for her own good, but also mine, i rather we do not meet. I dont want to appear on the newspaper that i have hurt / harm her in anyway n i have to be seperated from my son. She is safe away from me, for i dunno when i may snap.
Even my son, when i quarrel with my hubby, i did hurt him unwillingly. Furthermore, my own son whom i had difficulty giving birth to. What alone her?
So for now, my hubby and i already got our own flat & happily married. We do not have any quarrel except for things related to his family and his temper . I jus hope this will be the solution for us to live safely n happily, all of us.
Frankly, to hold on to hatred is very tiring. Cos u need to scheme on how to gain the upper hand. But im really tired, soo long already. Jus like this old thread. All i want to do is not to have anything to do with her, not to see/ touch/say/curse/meet... anything. i want nothing to do with her. So, all people here. pls dun advise me to love her or treat her as my daughter. Cos frankly, i dun have this magnificent heart. i dun have this strength / courage to love her. I rather devote my time to my son. Furthermore, im currently expecting my #2. I believe my children are still my priority above anyone .
But for my own children sake, i will do my best as a mother to not let them walk my path. I choose to teach them love n not hate. But, really... i dunno how to cross this path. No mothers want thier own child to suffer / have bad attitude / bad perception of life. But, i m gg to jus see how it goes. Hoipefully, one day, i will let go of my hatred. Maybe oneday, her mother will be able to bring her back forever.
But, for now... i have already cut all ties with in laws recently due to dispute n hatred for indeed, noone but his daughter. However, due to cutting of the ties... things turn out better as i no longer need to pretend / hide my feelings. My hubby is happier with our happier relationship and hes glad im crying lesser n lesser.
Nights n Nights... so many nights i prayed for benovelence in my heart for the benefit of my own health n my childs karma. But, i have to admit... i still dont like her. i still cant accept her if she is gg to stay with me.
I know many of u are gg to bust me with ur curse n anger n disagreement. But, i really dun feel like lying to escape... though this is only a virtual world. but i know how my heart feel n i really feel better by saying the truth.
I dun like to wish her anything. or see her well. But, jus this moment, for this very second... i wish she can have her mother love n have proper descipline in future , soon. Hope Helen can have her motherly love for her own child n bring her back n love her since im not capable to do so. So this little girl can have a better future but i cant help her. Cos i really dun have this goodness in me.
Good night.
Jus a few words from the heart...
I know my husband daughter does not choose to be born in this type of situation. And i see how much she wants my attention n love before.. before i hate her, i see her innocent & playfulness as what i wanted in a daughter of my own. She was so cute & like a daughter to me when i yet to even had my son. She sleeps in my arms & i chased after her when she runs playfully... i remember its at paragon... She called me "Mummy" for the first time tat day...
When i feed my hubby(then bf) fries, my hubby says" Argh.." and opens his mouth wide playfully, his daughter would copy cat... And then, she was only 2 plus, so small n her actions r so cute...
But, all these are covered by my hatred slowly... yes, It may be caused by my MIL, his ex wife, SIL...etc. The adults r to blame but not her.. i know. But, im not a computer where i can computerise my feelings.
Im only a woman, a woman who is poor in managing her feelings n being lost in her own sense.
Currently, i can only say my hatred for her does not dissolve...i dont know the future. But, for now... not only for her own good, but also mine, i rather we do not meet. I dont want to appear on the newspaper that i have hurt / harm her in anyway n i have to be seperated from my son. She is safe away from me, for i dunno when i may snap.
Even my son, when i quarrel with my hubby, i did hurt him unwillingly. Furthermore, my own son whom i had difficulty giving birth to. What alone her?
So for now, my hubby and i already got our own flat & happily married. We do not have any quarrel except for things related to his family and his temper . I jus hope this will be the solution for us to live safely n happily, all of us.
Frankly, to hold on to hatred is very tiring. Cos u need to scheme on how to gain the upper hand. But im really tired, soo long already. Jus like this old thread. All i want to do is not to have anything to do with her, not to see/ touch/say/curse/meet... anything. i want nothing to do with her. So, all people here. pls dun advise me to love her or treat her as my daughter. Cos frankly, i dun have this magnificent heart. i dun have this strength / courage to love her. I rather devote my time to my son. Furthermore, im currently expecting my #2. I believe my children are still my priority above anyone .
But for my own children sake, i will do my best as a mother to not let them walk my path. I choose to teach them love n not hate. But, really... i dunno how to cross this path. No mothers want thier own child to suffer / have bad attitude / bad perception of life. But, i m gg to jus see how it goes. Hoipefully, one day, i will let go of my hatred. Maybe oneday, her mother will be able to bring her back forever.
But, for now... i have already cut all ties with in laws recently due to dispute n hatred for indeed, noone but his daughter. However, due to cutting of the ties... things turn out better as i no longer need to pretend / hide my feelings. My hubby is happier with our happier relationship and hes glad im crying lesser n lesser.
Nights n Nights... so many nights i prayed for benovelence in my heart for the benefit of my own health n my childs karma. But, i have to admit... i still dont like her. i still cant accept her if she is gg to stay with me.
I know many of u are gg to bust me with ur curse n anger n disagreement. But, i really dun feel like lying to escape... though this is only a virtual world. but i know how my heart feel n i really feel better by saying the truth.
I dun like to wish her anything. or see her well. But, jus this moment, for this very second... i wish she can have her mother love n have proper descipline in future , soon. Hope Helen can have her motherly love for her own child n bring her back n love her since im not capable to do so. So this little girl can have a better future but i cant help her. Cos i really dun have this goodness in me.
Good night.
infojunkie
Active Member
"Furthermore, im currently expecting my #2"
at least u found a way to make urself useful to society...
good.
or is it?
dun u hv other things to do?
Zzz.
at least u found a way to make urself useful to society...
good.
or is it?
dun u hv other things to do?
Zzz.
infojunkie
Active Member
oh no, ur imagination is running wild again...
better not say anymore, else u will go berserk and further mess up those ard u... as if living life with u is not bad enuf
am glad the little girl is out of ur sight though... a blessing in disguise
seriously go see a shrink lah, u need a new drug.
better not say anymore, else u will go berserk and further mess up those ard u... as if living life with u is not bad enuf
am glad the little girl is out of ur sight though... a blessing in disguise
seriously go see a shrink lah, u need a new drug.
blueprincess
New Member
Enxuan, if u knw tt to hav hatred is tiring then why do u still wanna hate? Tis dun sound logical at all n sounds totally disbelievable. Do u knw wat u r saying?
N i dun understand why u hav to hate d little gal. If i ever marry a guy who alr has kids i will surely love his kids. His blood flows in them n they r an extension of him. So if u hate her then logically it means u hate ur hubby too since they 'came' frm him.
To me, children r innocent n as an adult u r to protect n love them no matter who their parents are. So if u say u hate d gal then it means u r no different frm a cruel n heartless person.
Enxuan, i believe in Karma. Hurt d gal n God will punish u. U hav a choice to choose between good n evil n i hope u will choose well.
N i dun understand why u hav to hate d little gal. If i ever marry a guy who alr has kids i will surely love his kids. His blood flows in them n they r an extension of him. So if u hate her then logically it means u hate ur hubby too since they 'came' frm him.
To me, children r innocent n as an adult u r to protect n love them no matter who their parents are. So if u say u hate d gal then it means u r no different frm a cruel n heartless person.
Enxuan, i believe in Karma. Hurt d gal n God will punish u. U hav a choice to choose between good n evil n i hope u will choose well.
BP, I won't hurt her not bcos I love her. But bcos I love my children n she is definately not worth for me to do things that will probably make life sad for my children. She has her own karma n already bad life due to the "credits" created from her mum. I dun need to interfere as I'm wastng my energy on her or rather I shd devote these time to my children.
Yes, u said d child is d extension of my husband. And as a matter of fact , Not to forget, she is also d extension of my husband ex wife!
Treating e girl good is equal to treating the ex wife good. She can happily Live her second marriage life without her daughter financial burden, extra attention which she need to sacrifice from her current 2nd daughter, she can avoid quarrels with her husband regarding the past n their marriage will have no shadow of the past! By treating her daughter good, she can have a peace of mind n happily do nothing for her n enjoy bring the daughter out on weekend occasionally to gain credits.
Then I will be a fool or rather be a person who sacrifice my children bonding n time from me n Hubby for Helen (ex wife) to enjoy time w her husband ?
She choose to give birth to her, she shall be responsble for her own child. I am not oblige to do anything for the girl but I must say I am also not suppose to hurt / harm her. My Hubby choose his life with me knowing my feelings n hatred before our marriage. Thus, either he shd not married me or he shd respect my feelings. I can tell him I dun like what he do. But he shd make a decision for himself. I frequently bring my son out while he's sleepin the day away. If he care for her, he shd do something. If he care for her, he shd return her to the mother if he is not able to take care of her. Otherwise, put his daughter up for adoption. So she can have a new loving family who can treat her well. And not jus to possess her custody, he vies to keep her Away from his ex wife n put the girl live with his mum n not doing anything.
I dun need to love her. Her life is not my resposibility. I choose my husband n accept his past. Accepting is acknowleadge it but does not mean the future n present have to live with it. I accept the fact he has a daughter but not means I have to accept her in my life. I accept she is from his previous marriage.
I dun hate her now. But I also won't accept her. I won't harm her. But I won't treat her with love either. Means I will she don't exist in my life.
Yes, u said d child is d extension of my husband. And as a matter of fact , Not to forget, she is also d extension of my husband ex wife!
Treating e girl good is equal to treating the ex wife good. She can happily Live her second marriage life without her daughter financial burden, extra attention which she need to sacrifice from her current 2nd daughter, she can avoid quarrels with her husband regarding the past n their marriage will have no shadow of the past! By treating her daughter good, she can have a peace of mind n happily do nothing for her n enjoy bring the daughter out on weekend occasionally to gain credits.
Then I will be a fool or rather be a person who sacrifice my children bonding n time from me n Hubby for Helen (ex wife) to enjoy time w her husband ?
She choose to give birth to her, she shall be responsble for her own child. I am not oblige to do anything for the girl but I must say I am also not suppose to hurt / harm her. My Hubby choose his life with me knowing my feelings n hatred before our marriage. Thus, either he shd not married me or he shd respect my feelings. I can tell him I dun like what he do. But he shd make a decision for himself. I frequently bring my son out while he's sleepin the day away. If he care for her, he shd do something. If he care for her, he shd return her to the mother if he is not able to take care of her. Otherwise, put his daughter up for adoption. So she can have a new loving family who can treat her well. And not jus to possess her custody, he vies to keep her Away from his ex wife n put the girl live with his mum n not doing anything.
I dun need to love her. Her life is not my resposibility. I choose my husband n accept his past. Accepting is acknowleadge it but does not mean the future n present have to live with it. I accept the fact he has a daughter but not means I have to accept her in my life. I accept she is from his previous marriage.
I dun hate her now. But I also won't accept her. I won't harm her. But I won't treat her with love either. Means I will she don't exist in my life.
susanna_low
New Member
blue, nw u can see tt ur own mum is not tt bad afterall.
U see tt little gal, a child who can't get love from her parents. I see my own gal and my heart feels for the little gal.
She is being treated like a tool of revenge by an entangled couple.
I don't blame en xuan for this but the parents of the child for neglecting her.
U see tt little gal, a child who can't get love from her parents. I see my own gal and my heart feels for the little gal.
She is being treated like a tool of revenge by an entangled couple.
I don't blame en xuan for this but the parents of the child for neglecting her.
blueprincess
New Member
Ting Yi, my mum often tells me tt she hates me, n she says i hav my father's bad blood, etc. Tat is why i feel so much for tis little gal. I m afraid she'll grow up to b like me - nt being able to trust pple n yearn for love every min of my life. Ting Yi my dad abandoned us when i waz young n my mom says she hates me n she ignores me when i m feeling down n hurt. I dun get love frm my parents too. Tt is why i wan a hubby so badly so tt i hav a man who will love n protect me forever.
susanna_low
New Member
Blue, at least ur mum does not desert you and provides for you. Afterall you do grow up to be a young fine lady, filial and well-educated.
U see the little gal's mother? What type of mother will desert her own child?
I've seen children who live with their grandparents when both parents remarried and have their own families. They are really like out of place with either families.
Erm..hope u wont mind, juz to kpo abit. Is it your expection too high during ur uni days thus unable to find a suitable one?
U see the little gal's mother? What type of mother will desert her own child?
I've seen children who live with their grandparents when both parents remarried and have their own families. They are really like out of place with either families.
Erm..hope u wont mind, juz to kpo abit. Is it your expection too high during ur uni days thus unable to find a suitable one?
bp, have fun and patience. i'm just waiting for jenny to offer her views n advice.
i believe somewhere in the future will be a 3rd party. it's hard to really live with someone with so much negativity as your wife, thus when u meet a bubbly refreshing girl... it might be a nice novelty or a happier reality.
believe the husband will do his thing in a few more years... i would like to say i hope not, but there's always a but.
i believe somewhere in the future will be a 3rd party. it's hard to really live with someone with so much negativity as your wife, thus when u meet a bubbly refreshing girl... it might be a nice novelty or a happier reality.
believe the husband will do his thing in a few more years... i would like to say i hope not, but there's always a but.
blueprincess
New Member
Hi Powder, haha, I am having fun right now! U know what, I had election duty on Sat and I made some new friends! amazing, cos it was only a one day thing and we did not know each other before that. this gives me hope that I can make even more friends in the future, even if the event is a one day kind of event. =)
Hi Susanna, yes I agree. The little gal's mother is horrible. I believe in karma. she will get her retribution. Haha, no worries I can share. my mum did not allow me to mix w guys and she told me that all guys are bad. that made me v scared of guys and I din dare go near them. till today I feel v shy and awkward when too many guys talk to me. and my social skills were v bad so I could not even hold a decent social conversation back in uni. It was just study for me and nothing else.
Hi Susanna, yes I agree. The little gal's mother is horrible. I believe in karma. she will get her retribution. Haha, no worries I can share. my mum did not allow me to mix w guys and she told me that all guys are bad. that made me v scared of guys and I din dare go near them. till today I feel v shy and awkward when too many guys talk to me. and my social skills were v bad so I could not even hold a decent social conversation back in uni. It was just study for me and nothing else.
En Xuan
So much has been said in this long long thread and you can feel the general consensus of the majority. You may not feel obliged to care for the little girl, but what type of father is your husband if he is also dumping her? If her own mother is already dumping her to spend time with her new family, and her father is also dumping her to spend time with his new family with you, then who is caring for the girl? Just dump her to homes?
"She choose to give birth to her, she shall be responsble for her own child. " Her mum can't give birth to her on her own, your husband also plays a part.
powder
Don't need to wait for my views and advice. You think so highly of yourself in rendering advice, see if you can transform En Xuan around to what you think fit.
It's a waste of time even talking to uncultured unrefined people like you, powder.
So much has been said in this long long thread and you can feel the general consensus of the majority. You may not feel obliged to care for the little girl, but what type of father is your husband if he is also dumping her? If her own mother is already dumping her to spend time with her new family, and her father is also dumping her to spend time with his new family with you, then who is caring for the girl? Just dump her to homes?
"She choose to give birth to her, she shall be responsble for her own child. " Her mum can't give birth to her on her own, your husband also plays a part.
powder
Don't need to wait for my views and advice. You think so highly of yourself in rendering advice, see if you can transform En Xuan around to what you think fit.
It's a waste of time even talking to uncultured unrefined people like you, powder.
Jenny, yes. My Hubby does have to contribute his part for this girl creation. However, my Hubby did ask her to abort before as he wasn't young then n couldn't afford to have the little girl. But then, though financial is a problem to them, my Hubby family hElped him pull thru n supported them . My Hubby decided to get married if Helen is true n serious abt relationship. He decided to overcme all problems thru think n thin will be easier as their love was true. But alas, who knows . Second day of wedding, Helen start her clubing days and hanging out late with guys . Even to the extend of lying she go to work but end up in different guys house. After she give birth, she also continue her whore life. She left the baby to her in law when she goes out with them. Hubby is working and most of the time have to rush home to tend to baby. Frequently, due to Helen's change of heart, she will tell her MIL she wants to leave with another man already. Then she will take everything n leave her baby. Hubby have work half way n rushed home!
Their marriage is on d rocks but thinking gettn their own Hse might turn things ard. Who knows Helen says he cannot step ino the house n Hubby has to pay fr it. Hubby didn't agree so they didn't get the Hse. ( thankfully, they didn't! Else Hubby n I can't get grant now) when she adament on the divorce, my Hubby did forgive her n beg her on his knees to return for the bb sake. She dun wan. Then, they were merely married for one yr? What I can say is this woman is nt true at all! And thou my Hubby didn't admit this fact, I can tell he's really upset n know d obvious. Their marriage break down my Hubby is definately not totally a saint either. I believe his hot temper n gambling habits contribute to it.
But I'm getting married to him for a yr already, we r sweet n lovely to each other despite our occasional quarrels. And I'm happily expecting my #2 though financial will b tight. Cos I believe in a marriage, being virture, loyal, faithful will keep the love strong. To be understanding and give in occasionally will add on the love n makes each other happier everyday life. Knowing u have a understanding n loving spouse is one to look forward when returning home. My Hubby told me , if he were to meet me earlier, would the tramatic life with helen wouldn't exist? And he would have a happy family n marriage till now? I told him highly NO... Cos I didn't learn to appreciate love till my ex wakes me up with the truth of mans thoughts n how I tortured him with my stubborness , willful ways, selfishness, immature doing... My ex even classified me as "一å“，二闹，三上åŠï¼‚woman. He said he cannot stand my ways n we parted. I went thru alot n change my ways of love n withstanding relationship problems. I told my Hubby, probably losing his first marriage does makes him more experience in handling marriage problems n makes him treasure me more.
Therefore, i told him the tribuls n our path of life is fated to be like this. So probably our marriage will last due to ur first marriage fail. And he agreed.
My husband is already deeply tramtise by his previous marriage, I do treasure him. But lookin at his daughter does bring us many sad n unhappy remembrance. He will b reminded of his ex wife sleeping ard n how he went on his knees n his ex wife still go. I will be reminded of how his ex wife treat me n goes ard smearing me n saying bad things abt my marriage!
All I can say , to fail one person is better than making me, my Hubby, my 2 children unhappy n risk divorce n cause my extra 2 children parentless. Bcos of our initial frequent quarrels abt his girl, he went to the divorce stage n lawfirm many times. Luckily he manage to salvage our relationship thou neglecting his girl. But my Hubby parents doted her too much n neglected my son too! Shd I say my son has not sEen them since his full mth. Definately , problems revolove ard. U gain some, u Lose some. Bcos of her , I lose my in law family. But I salvage my marriage.
I not asking for anything anymore. I'm happy with my current life. My Hubby n I hugged each other to sleep despite my preggy stomach. Hubby will hug n kiss me n bb before n after work. During work, Hubby will call to see if bb is behaving well n I m feeling well enough to take care of bb due to my pregnancy. He will ask if I eat anything due to my nausea. And if I wan to eat anything after he knock off will buy for me. Night time help me carry bb when bb crying while I making milk...etc.
Nothing matters to me now except treasure my marriage n family. I also not gg to harm her as I have my own family to take care n dun wan my children suffer retribution. If it's her fate, it's her fate. Maybe God makes me love her in future, it's a bonus for us. If her mother have a conscience , she will take her back... It will be a family reunion for her.
Their marriage is on d rocks but thinking gettn their own Hse might turn things ard. Who knows Helen says he cannot step ino the house n Hubby has to pay fr it. Hubby didn't agree so they didn't get the Hse. ( thankfully, they didn't! Else Hubby n I can't get grant now) when she adament on the divorce, my Hubby did forgive her n beg her on his knees to return for the bb sake. She dun wan. Then, they were merely married for one yr? What I can say is this woman is nt true at all! And thou my Hubby didn't admit this fact, I can tell he's really upset n know d obvious. Their marriage break down my Hubby is definately not totally a saint either. I believe his hot temper n gambling habits contribute to it.
But I'm getting married to him for a yr already, we r sweet n lovely to each other despite our occasional quarrels. And I'm happily expecting my #2 though financial will b tight. Cos I believe in a marriage, being virture, loyal, faithful will keep the love strong. To be understanding and give in occasionally will add on the love n makes each other happier everyday life. Knowing u have a understanding n loving spouse is one to look forward when returning home. My Hubby told me , if he were to meet me earlier, would the tramatic life with helen wouldn't exist? And he would have a happy family n marriage till now? I told him highly NO... Cos I didn't learn to appreciate love till my ex wakes me up with the truth of mans thoughts n how I tortured him with my stubborness , willful ways, selfishness, immature doing... My ex even classified me as "一å“，二闹，三上åŠï¼‚woman. He said he cannot stand my ways n we parted. I went thru alot n change my ways of love n withstanding relationship problems. I told my Hubby, probably losing his first marriage does makes him more experience in handling marriage problems n makes him treasure me more.
Therefore, i told him the tribuls n our path of life is fated to be like this. So probably our marriage will last due to ur first marriage fail. And he agreed.
My husband is already deeply tramtise by his previous marriage, I do treasure him. But lookin at his daughter does bring us many sad n unhappy remembrance. He will b reminded of his ex wife sleeping ard n how he went on his knees n his ex wife still go. I will be reminded of how his ex wife treat me n goes ard smearing me n saying bad things abt my marriage!
All I can say , to fail one person is better than making me, my Hubby, my 2 children unhappy n risk divorce n cause my extra 2 children parentless. Bcos of our initial frequent quarrels abt his girl, he went to the divorce stage n lawfirm many times. Luckily he manage to salvage our relationship thou neglecting his girl. But my Hubby parents doted her too much n neglected my son too! Shd I say my son has not sEen them since his full mth. Definately , problems revolove ard. U gain some, u Lose some. Bcos of her , I lose my in law family. But I salvage my marriage.
I not asking for anything anymore. I'm happy with my current life. My Hubby n I hugged each other to sleep despite my preggy stomach. Hubby will hug n kiss me n bb before n after work. During work, Hubby will call to see if bb is behaving well n I m feeling well enough to take care of bb due to my pregnancy. He will ask if I eat anything due to my nausea. And if I wan to eat anything after he knock off will buy for me. Night time help me carry bb when bb crying while I making milk...etc.
Nothing matters to me now except treasure my marriage n family. I also not gg to harm her as I have my own family to take care n dun wan my children suffer retribution. If it's her fate, it's her fate. Maybe God makes me love her in future, it's a bonus for us. If her mother have a conscience , she will take her back... It will be a family reunion for her.
En Xuan
You are not at ease with yourself and what is happening now. If you are really at ease, you do not need to make long long explanation here. You owe no explanation to us. You may owe no explanation to the girl, but no matter what happen, the girl did not ask to be borne to your husband and ex-wife. It involves a little human being which for no matter what reasons, she should not be abandoned and sacrificed so that both her parents can look for their own happiness without her. If you and your husband can learn from past experiences to treasure each others now, you too can learn to accept a little girl who is part of your husband. Even if you don't, there is really no excuse that your husband abandon her, no matter what fault his ex-wife has or whatever happened that this little girl was borne. Just wish to stress, she did not asked to be borne to this type of family.
Anyway, we are outsiders. There is only so much we can say.
Take care.
You are not at ease with yourself and what is happening now. If you are really at ease, you do not need to make long long explanation here. You owe no explanation to us. You may owe no explanation to the girl, but no matter what happen, the girl did not ask to be borne to your husband and ex-wife. It involves a little human being which for no matter what reasons, she should not be abandoned and sacrificed so that both her parents can look for their own happiness without her. If you and your husband can learn from past experiences to treasure each others now, you too can learn to accept a little girl who is part of your husband. Even if you don't, there is really no excuse that your husband abandon her, no matter what fault his ex-wife has or whatever happened that this little girl was borne. Just wish to stress, she did not asked to be borne to this type of family.
Anyway, we are outsiders. There is only so much we can say.
Take care.
miloice
Well-Known Member
The assumption that not quarreling means everything is good is fine could be too simplistic. Often, when one give up trying, they don't fight, they juz agree and comply to get the moment of silence.
My reservist buddy is just having such a marriage. Most of our gatherings, its his gf that accompanies him. We can see how comfortable and at ease he is. During CNY, he came down with his wife, we saw another man. A yes man, politically correct and sensitive over everything he said. Not sure how aware his wife is about his affair or about the truth about his compliancy and obedient behavior in front of her.
My reservist buddy is just having such a marriage. Most of our gatherings, its his gf that accompanies him. We can see how comfortable and at ease he is. During CNY, he came down with his wife, we saw another man. A yes man, politically correct and sensitive over everything he said. Not sure how aware his wife is about his affair or about the truth about his compliancy and obedient behavior in front of her.
No quarrelling doesn't mean no talking.
"I not asking for anything anymore. I'm happy with my current life. My Hubby n I hugged each other to sleep despite my preggy stomach. Hubby will hug n kiss me n bb before n after work. During work, Hubby will call to see if bb is behaving well n I m feeling well enough to take care of bb due to my pregnancy. He will ask if I eat anything due to my nausea. And if I wan to eat anything after he knock off will buy for me. Night time help me carry bb when bb crying while I making milk...etc. "
I didn't say we didn't talk... In fact, I stated we communicate better. I'm contented n happy being w my Hubby.
No regrets
"I not asking for anything anymore. I'm happy with my current life. My Hubby n I hugged each other to sleep despite my preggy stomach. Hubby will hug n kiss me n bb before n after work. During work, Hubby will call to see if bb is behaving well n I m feeling well enough to take care of bb due to my pregnancy. He will ask if I eat anything due to my nausea. And if I wan to eat anything after he knock off will buy for me. Night time help me carry bb when bb crying while I making milk...etc. "
I didn't say we didn't talk... In fact, I stated we communicate better. I'm contented n happy being w my Hubby.
No regrets
blueprincess
New Member
Hi Milo n Miyako i m also doing d same w my mum. No choice. Last nite n tis morning i got hell frm her again.
miloice
Well-Known Member
I didn't say anything about not talking. Rather, the assumption that as long as there are no fights, everything is fine.
Its normal to have disagreements, no one think completely alike. Many couples will escalate these to quarrels, some are able to deal with it before escalating into fights. Don't see quarrels and disagreement negatively. Rather, look at how it is affecting the relationship and how both are managing it. It is through understanding our differences that the relationship grow stronger.
One thing that I agree with you Enxuan, our past can make us stronger. Often, we need to go through all the crap to appreciate and become who we are today. This is the very reason why we shouldn't hold on to resentments about one's past. To say you accept his past but at the same time forbid your partner from being a father to his child is contradicting.
You can define personal spaces to avoid conflicts and interactions, but not stop him from being responsible or caring towards his child. Likewise for his parents. Don't you find it unreasonable to be jealous over their affection towards their grandchild? If you make such comparisons, you will forever find things that you feel unjust. Our perception is such, we focus on what's important to us and trivialize things that aren't so to us. We have a different scale, don't expect anyone else to comply to your scale balance.
Its normal to have disagreements, no one think completely alike. Many couples will escalate these to quarrels, some are able to deal with it before escalating into fights. Don't see quarrels and disagreement negatively. Rather, look at how it is affecting the relationship and how both are managing it. It is through understanding our differences that the relationship grow stronger.
One thing that I agree with you Enxuan, our past can make us stronger. Often, we need to go through all the crap to appreciate and become who we are today. This is the very reason why we shouldn't hold on to resentments about one's past. To say you accept his past but at the same time forbid your partner from being a father to his child is contradicting.
You can define personal spaces to avoid conflicts and interactions, but not stop him from being responsible or caring towards his child. Likewise for his parents. Don't you find it unreasonable to be jealous over their affection towards their grandchild? If you make such comparisons, you will forever find things that you feel unjust. Our perception is such, we focus on what's important to us and trivialize things that aren't so to us. We have a different scale, don't expect anyone else to comply to your scale balance.
Enxuan,
I think u hate ur in laws is becoz u find that they sayang the gal so much despite that her mum is a whore (in ur context) and u fail to understand why they choose to sayang a gal born by such a woman then ur son who is born by u who is faithful to ur hb.
But, u hv to understand that they have been caring for her since she was born and she is their first grandchild, somemore, one who lost her mother love from day one she is born, so of coz they will even sayang her more as to them she is pitiful. Furthermore, the bond they have build with her is for years le...
Also, did u gif ur in laws chances to shower ur son with love? Did u let them spend time with him? Did u allow them to take care of him while u go and do ur own stuff? If u hv omit them from their roles of playing a grandparent to ur son, then u should not complain or compare le...coz with no chance and time for them to bond with ur precious son how to pei yang gan qing?
Btw,why and how can u be so sure tat helen is having a good time and do not fight wif her current hb over her past? We outsider can only see the happy front a couple put up but what happen behind the close door who can be sure?
Ur hb is no decent man to began with too. If he nv sleep with Helen and inpregant her, will they have the little gal and then get married? What kind of person Helen is, I believe ur hb know jolly well but still choose to marry her so who is to blame for such outcome? Also, u r no decent gal too before u meet ur hb. U too sleep around behind ur bf back. And ur hb when he just meet u for nt long also can agreed to bed u so, both of u or shld say maybe the four of u (including Helen and her current hb) are no decent people, so why now a kettle calling a pot black?
Nevertheless, what is the past is the past. If u all can accept the past things tat each other do and get married this is good enough le.
the only concern here is the little gal. Well, the only good things is tat u know urself well and leave her at ur in laws house so tat u will not do anything to harm her. So at least, she still hv a pair of grandparents to care and love her despite tat she will nv have the love from her own parents.
but I do hope that one day u will break free from ur own chain of hatred. Only then, u can truly be a happy person.
I think u hate ur in laws is becoz u find that they sayang the gal so much despite that her mum is a whore (in ur context) and u fail to understand why they choose to sayang a gal born by such a woman then ur son who is born by u who is faithful to ur hb.
But, u hv to understand that they have been caring for her since she was born and she is their first grandchild, somemore, one who lost her mother love from day one she is born, so of coz they will even sayang her more as to them she is pitiful. Furthermore, the bond they have build with her is for years le...
Also, did u gif ur in laws chances to shower ur son with love? Did u let them spend time with him? Did u allow them to take care of him while u go and do ur own stuff? If u hv omit them from their roles of playing a grandparent to ur son, then u should not complain or compare le...coz with no chance and time for them to bond with ur precious son how to pei yang gan qing?
Btw,why and how can u be so sure tat helen is having a good time and do not fight wif her current hb over her past? We outsider can only see the happy front a couple put up but what happen behind the close door who can be sure?
Ur hb is no decent man to began with too. If he nv sleep with Helen and inpregant her, will they have the little gal and then get married? What kind of person Helen is, I believe ur hb know jolly well but still choose to marry her so who is to blame for such outcome? Also, u r no decent gal too before u meet ur hb. U too sleep around behind ur bf back. And ur hb when he just meet u for nt long also can agreed to bed u so, both of u or shld say maybe the four of u (including Helen and her current hb) are no decent people, so why now a kettle calling a pot black?
Nevertheless, what is the past is the past. If u all can accept the past things tat each other do and get married this is good enough le.
the only concern here is the little gal. Well, the only good things is tat u know urself well and leave her at ur in laws house so tat u will not do anything to harm her. So at least, she still hv a pair of grandparents to care and love her despite tat she will nv have the love from her own parents.
but I do hope that one day u will break free from ur own chain of hatred. Only then, u can truly be a happy person.
blueprincess
New Member
to continue from what Diana said, u can only break free from ur own chain of hatred if u can start loving the gal.
