Singaporebrides | Weddings 101
April 2021
10 Common Wedding Planning Stresses You’ll Encounter
We’ve identified some common wedding planning stresses you may encounter and what you can do to counter them.
Your wedding planning journey is going to be an exciting one, but it is also going to be one of the most stressful periods of your life. Regardless of the size of your celebration, planning a wedding is going to be incredibly stressful, especially if you are doing it by yourself.
To help you identify and tackle wedding planning stress, we’ve listed out 10 most common wedding planning stresses that you may find yourself facing and suggestions on what you can do to handle them.
1. Wedding Finances
Yeonhee and Pei Qian’s Elegant Destination Wedding at Andaz Singapore by John15 Photography
For most couples, wedding finances is a major source of stress. It’ll be your first time paying so much for an event, and when you tally the numbers and realise how much it would cost to hold a wedding, it can easily result in sticker shock and stress you out.
Now, we’re not going to tell you that there is a way to make the stress over your wedding finances go away. However, you can make it more manageable by being as honest as you can to yourself and your fiancé about how much you are willing and can spend on the wedding without going into debt. It’ll be best to go into details during your honest discussion and be clear on how much you want to spend on each aspect of your wedding. Once you have done that, stick to it and resist the temptation to spend more than you have decided to.
If you really can’t help spending more on one aspect of the wedding, then you’ll have to spend less on another area to make up for the extra expenditure to avoid going over budget. You should discuss with your fiancé on what both of you can or cannot compromise on, so you can better make a decision on where to cut down on if you were to overspend on another area.
You should also be upfront with your vendors about your budget and what you want for your wedding, so that they can tell you if it is do-able or recommend you alternatives that fit within your budget.
2. The Ever-changing COVID-19 safe management measures
Jane and Rob’s Intimate COVID-19 Wedding at The White Rabbit by Hong Ray Photography
The emergence of the COVID-19 pandemic last year has changed the way we live and celebrate our milestones. The uncertainty of when the COVID-19 pandemic would get better or go away has resulted in many wedding postponements and cancellations in 2020, and stressed many couples who were planning to wed this and last year out.
To cope with the stress of changing plans whenever there is a change in the regulations pertaining to weddings, you should try to keep an open mind and be as flexible as you can. If you are unable to invite as many people as you would like, then make do with an intimate list of family and friends, and have your other guests tune in virtually to your wedding via a live stream video. Or, if the venue you wanted isn’t allowed to host a wedding, then pick another venue with a similar vibe that is allowed to open for weddings instead. Since the situation remains fluid, there is no point for you to feel stressed over what you cannot have or change; instead, focus on what you have and can do.
3. The Guest List
Hui Kin and Andie’s Paper-Floral Wedding at Andaz The Glasshouse by Joy De Vi
Every married couple who has gone through the wedding planning process will tell you that your guest list will remain a constant source of stress from the beginning of your planning right until the very day you say ‘I do’. After news of your wedding has spread in your family and circle of friends, you’ll encounter people telling you who you should invite or who they want to invite to your wedding, and where they should be seated. And even after you have finally finalised your guest list, you might have guests who are not able to make it at the last minute or worse, guests who simply don’t turn up on the day itself.
The best way to deal with it is to come to terms that your guest list will stress you out from time to time. Then, sit down with your fiancé and discuss how you’ll be handling the issues that might come along with deciding your guest list. Family dynamics might make rejecting suggestions on who to invite to the wedding from your parents or parents-in-law difficult, so make sure that you and your fiancé are on the same page on how your answer to them, and back each other up.
Your family and friends may give their suggestions, but it is ultimately up to you to decide on who you want to invite and the number of guests, since it is your wedding. If you decide not to include their suggestions, be sure to sit them down and explain why you cannot accede to their request and ask for their understanding. While your family and friends may have their expectations for your wedding, they will understand where you are coming from if you take the time to talk to them.
4. The Wedding Dress
Calista and Christopher’s Beautiful Wedding at Tirtha Uluwatu Bali by Iluminen
Every bride has an image of what her dream wedding gown would look like and how she would look in it on her wedding day. So, the stress is real when she is unable to find the gown of her dreams or when she isn’t happy with how she looks in it. Conversely, not knowing what dress you’d like for your big day is also a cause for stress.
You’d feel less stressed out if you acknowledge that you might not be able to find the exact dress you have in your head or look the way you imagine yourself to. Whether that dress is out of your budget or doesn’t exist, instead of trying to find it, you can search for a dress in a similar silhouette, colour or style that would offer you the same look and vibe to the one you have dreamed of wearing. Or, perhaps you’ve tried your dream gown on, but it doesn’t flatter your body type. Instead of insisting on wearing it and hoping that you’ll look good in it on your wedding day, why not go for a silhouette or colour that flatters you? That way, you don’t have to worry about whether you’ll look good on your big day or not.
If you’re worried about keeping in shape after you’ve picked your dress, stay fit and in shape through exercise and eating healthy. You can try some home-based exercises or take up yoga classes for some stretching and meditation to help with the stress of wedding planning.
5. Finding a venue
Trixie and Steve’s Ethereal Wedding at Sofitel Singapore Sentosa Resort and Spa by Andri Tei Photography
Next to finding the perfect wedding gown for your big day, searching for the venue to say ‘I do’ is probably one of the most important things to a bride. The search for the perfect venue to wed the love of your life is not an easy one with many beautiful wedding venues available out there, but with a few steps, you can easily avoid the stress of trying to decide on a venue for your wedding.
First, decide on a budget with your fiancé. Then, determine what kind of wedding you’d like to have. Do you prefer an indoor celebration or an outdoor one? Do you want to wed at a venue in the heart of the city or somewhere quieter? Once you have an answer to these questions, you can proceed to shortlist the venues that matches what you want.
To help you further narrow your choices down, you can visit the shortlisted venues and speak to their wedding coordinators to find out more about the space you’re interested in and their wedding offerings to help you make a decision.
6. Decision Fatigue
Jen and Zheng Wei’s Classic and Romantic Wedding at InterContinental Singapore by Kent Wong Photography
As you might already know, wedding shopping involves picking from an endless sea of choices which may result in decision fatigue and stress. To combat decision fatigue and the stress of choosing from so many options, use your budget and wedding theme to guide you in your selections. With these in hand, you should be able to narrow down your options significantly, and once you have met up with the shortlisted vendors, you’ll be better able to reach a decision.
7. Family Drama or Unhappy Family
Lalu and Chris’ Bright and Colourful Sapa-Inspired Backyard Wedding by Alvelyn Alko
Even though it is your wedding, you won’t be the only one with expectations for your big day. Your parents or parents-in-law will likely have their own vision of your wedding and might expect you to fulfill it. When your vision and theirs don’t match up, planning the wedding can get a little difficult and tensed, resulting in a stressful situation between you and your family. If you go with what they want, you are not going to be happy, but if you go with what you want, you risk upsetting them. So, what do you do?
First, know that you cannot please everyone, even if you accede to their request, so don’t plan your wedding thinking that you have to make everyone happy. Talk to your fiancé and make sure that both of you are on the same page regarding this matter before you sit your family down to reject their proposal. If you have to dish out a rejection, make sure you speak to them in person and explain why you have to reject what they want and go with your choice instead. Now, if you decide to compromise and accede to their wishes, you should only do it if you are willing and more than happy to, or you might end up regretting and being miserable on our wedding day.
8.Your Expectations might not match up to reality
Janice and Gerald’s Magical Harry Potter Wedding in Orchidville by Click! Photography
Speaking of expectations, when your expectation of how your wedding planning would be like falls short in reality, it may become a source of stress for you. You often hear about people talking about their positive experiences of wedding planning, like the excitement of wedding dress or ring shopping, or how much love they’ve received from family and friends, that when you encounter a less than positive experience in your wedding planning journey, you start to wonder if there is something wrong.
The truth is, nearly every wedding turns out differently from what the couple had imagined it to be, so you are not alone. It is common to have more quarrels than you usually would with your fiancé during the process, and that is completely normal and not a sign that something is wrong with your relationship. So, don’t stress yourself over the fact that your wedding planning journey is not what you expected it to be.
9. Deciding on your bridal party
Calista and Christopher’s Big and Gorgeous Wedding at Raffles Hotel Jakarta by Iluminen
It is understandable for brides to want all of their besties to be in their bridal party, but whether all of them are up to the task of being a bridesmaid is another matter. Your bridesmaids will be expected to help out whenever you need them to and be responsible for some very important duties during the planning and wedding day itself, so you’ll want to choose friends whom you know will rise to the occasion when you need them to.
Don’t be afraid of offending or upsetting some of your friends if you do not choose them as your bridesmaids. Explain to them why you didn’t choose them to be in your bridal party and seek their understanding. Assure them that your decision to omit them from your bridal party has nothing to do with your friendship with them.
10. Not getting help from your fiancé or bridesmaids
Paige and Wilson’s Quirky and Intimate Solemnisation at the Night Safari Singapore by Leslie Photography
Wedding planning and coordinating is a huge task for one person and you need all the help you can get, especially from the people who are most directly involved – your fiancé and bridesmaids. If your fiancé is not involved in the planning, sit him down and have a talk with him to find out why he isn’t helping out as he should. Perhaps he doesn’t know how he can help you or what you need help with.
Instead of asking him to help out more, give him specific tasks to complete so he knows exactly what he needs to do and when. You should also let him in on your plans so that he is more aware of what is going on and can lend a hand wherever you need help in.
Your bride tribe should also be a source of help to you during your planning process, which is why it is important to choose friends whom you know are up for the responsibilities of a bridesmaid. If any one of them isn’t pulling her weight, you can either choose to speak to them personally, or you can let your maid of honour handle the situation. If there is still no improvement, as drastic as this option may be, you may want to consider taking her out and swop in a friend who is more willing and ready to help out.
Credits: Feature image from Kristine and Sean’s Intimate White Wedding at Botanico at The Garage by Arture Photography
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