I gave up on our 3 mths of marriage

[nolem]

bride to be : i think pink clouds is referring to the 'mentality' and not physical movement.

pink clouds, correct me if i am wrong, u are trying to highlight that after marriage, a man should place priority of his actions in consideration of his wife bcos <a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh>. That after marriage his next-of-kin beceoms his wife instead of parents, therefore, spouse have to be place as priority.

i got some reference from the internet on this verse:

<First phrase: When a man and a woman get married, they are to form a separate family unit. The man is to leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife. A new family is to be formed that is distinct from either of the families the two came from. By the way, the man is not told to join to his wife's family but to join his wife. I do not think this verse teaches against ever having living arrangements in the same house. This is much more common in some cultures than in others. Many times, it is a financial necessity. However, some form of separation must be made and a separate place to live is probably the best arrangement. When the in-laws are too much a part of the new marriage, they often weaken the new family and the new relationship that is to form. >

 

[crystal_cloud]

dear nolem,
the quoted statement is not from me...im only highlighting it from a forumer's reply in your thread..in earlier posts..think from first page.

i find it makes sense..as even though i am not a christian and hence not know of such teachings, i heard from some ladies too..on same concept.that MILs may have been jealous of witnessing their son form a family out of their nucleus...hence they feel insecure and wana control everyting just like how she used to, on her son and her husband..and now, her DIL.

such old thinkings and practices should be taught and corrected..many often, we see courses and talks like "how to get along with future in laws in marriage life" y did we not see "how to get along and undertsnad future DIL/ SIL to minimize family problems" ?

i guess like the take-2-hands-to-clap theory, future in laws too have to play a significant role in making things work.

all humans makes mistake (nolem, not saying u ar wrong, juz an example) and it's only kind deed if in laws can acknowledge and move on..no harp on past issues and hate that DIL or whoever forever..i notice, not all but most of those MILs will harp on DIL issues and will already have a judgemental view on her..dun like means dun like...no matter how hard the DIL tries..when such situation occurs, i feel, one should learn to accept..and not keep asking "why she dun like me?"
its the same theory as "why you dun like to eat lady's finger? why u prefer lettuce?" etc..
there is no why

so stop asking whys and focus on more productive whys..like "why do i become so pissed on this issue? why can i not calm myself down?"

nolem, most of us feel for you...although wat u have written is still a one sided story here, but i believe somehow, if you can write such a lengthy paragraph, then im sure, most of it is true..

i know how u might be feeling:
angry, sad sometimes, revengeful, sorry for hubby, and yet self pity..its so much mixture of emotions that u feel u lost yourself..
give yourself some encouragement that someday, light will trough and the truth will always surpress all obstacles.

 

[powder]

Oh, did i tell u guys that yday when i went to the zoo, i saw them forcing camels thru the eyes of needles?

 

[nolem]

pink clouds : sorry for misunderstood.

i could feel MIL grudge against me eversince the day hb told her we wanted to move out. Like i've mentioned, initially, i didnt rule out the idea of staying together, i've ever tried to accept this arrangement but my only condition is that we all with PILs move to another flat, but MIL doesnt allow.

The reason why i suggested to move to another place bcos since we will be staying with PIL, i wld like to move to closer to my own parents where currently we're at 2 ends of the island. Secondly, SIL family comes over v frequently for MIL to babysit and hv dinners and i am not used ot it bcos its v noisy (2 kids) and they occupy the tv and SIL treates the house like MIL's etc, I feel no sense of belonging towards a house which is mine in name and financing only, but everyone treats as if it were PIL's, jus bcos they're the seniors.

MIL's reason for rejecting my proposal: She says daughters are married out, shld not bother abt staying near maiden house. She wants to continue to stay at present flat cos is VERY close priximity (3min walk) to SIL house, she says like that easier to 'take care' of each other. Lastly, she says she will not be able to adapt to another house cos it wil be 'different' (i knew she meant new mistress = she cant rule).

Anyway, the last straw come when SIL refused to clear her old belongings from our planned-to-be nuptial room.

MIL expects me to stay in their existing house, be automatically adapted to their 'family culture' (which include MIL being the head of family and everyone obeys her ). Its like i am the outsider who is supposed to blend into her life which in the first place, she is a difficult person to get along with. even SIL and hb commented that in this world only they and their father can 'get along' with MIL, not even their relatives/cousins etc...

i just find her too demanding and unreasonable. Only she as a mother needs to stay with her children, my own mum doesnt need anyone to care for. Only her daughter can stay near to maiden house, other pple's daughter (me) cannot. Only
her daughter needs own mother's care and '4zhao 4ying' other pple's daughter (me) dun need.

i told hb i can compromise on anything for as long as we dun stay together, i dun mind even staying in a rented flat, even if its rented bedroom, or a unit in the same block or same floor. As long as not under one roof, i am willing to compromise. But for MIL, she can only accept staying under one roof in her house, no other ways

 

[crystal_cloud]

we all heard your sorrows, but probably she is those very traditional lady..thats y, she still practice this kinda biased doings.

dun bear too much hatred liao...it harms your well being..it takes alot of strength and efforts to hate someone...let her be someone to hate u and not u hate her.

hope ur husband can really stand up for you..and please both sides..anyway at least now u have a condo ya...things are 'almost' solved with 1 closed eye..if she wana call, let her call lo..

 

[nolem]

i worry she will bring her things and demand to stay with us. Else she might sell their flat and claim that she no place to stay and force to move in. Now that we're almost done with our reno, she tells hb to rent it and buy a flat near her place. I am paranoid what she'll come out with. Cos she is capable of anything.

its really a nightmare.

 

[nolem]

traditional not meaning she can behave like tyrant rt?

i see some older folks also v traditional in their thoughts, but are nice to pple and their family.

 

[grace011280]

So wat is ur decision now? u decided wat to do?

 

[zolyn]

Nolem,

Have you make up your mind to let go this marriage?

You must be clear that your hubby is not listen to his mother now, but that doesnt mean he will not listen to her in future. If he change, and he listen to his mother, then how.
By that time, you regrate, it already late. You must as well let go now.

 

[smileyclara]

Let's simplified the whole picture, the fact is you and your MIL cant stay under one roof. But 1)you do not mind staying near her pl or 2)visit her, say three times a wk when you are staying far away. She sold her house and move in is a No No, fullstop.

Your hubby should be very clear of this. You mean he do not even dare to stay firm on this option 1) or 2)? then can forget about this man.

Im sorry to be frank, but seeing you worrying abt this matter for so long...the fact is : if your hubby does not make a compromise between you and your MIL but instead keep wanting you to give in to whatever shit your MIL is giving, there will be no other way out. And you will have to continue to face what you are facing now.

i do not want to see you facing depression in time to come. Give your hubby a dateline, say a month from now, to let your MIL know that both of you will be staying at your own pl, you will visit her three times a wk. If she do not like the idea, see if your hubby can just leave it to her to accept ....

 

[nolem]

sunny, i dun even feel like seeing her after i move out. 3 times a week is too much furthermore, we will not be staying closeby. 2 yrs ago when we wanted to buy a resale flat near her place, we had intention to go back for frequent dinners, but not now when we stay far apart and we dun drive. Its a impractical idea to go back for dinners so often, wasting time on travelling and money on cab fare. I rather stay at home do housework or spend quality time with my pets. Ya, i rther stay home play with my pets whom is my only source of comfort, than to make myself unhappy seeing her.


Its fine if hb goes back visit her, i told him i will not stop him, but dun force me to go when i dun wish to.. After so much unhappiness with her, i jus wished she can be vanished fm my life, if possible. Its not me to behave superficial and fake smiles when i see her. Even when we had dinner over the same table, i jus bend my head down and focus on finishing my food, i only talk to hb. Anyway, she also didnt strike any conversation with me, and i wun talk to her cos i believe u understand how i feel towards her and how could i put all these aside and even talk to her?? but i'm sure behind my back, she tells pple i am rude and treats her transparent.

The person whom cause the most distress in my life and almost ruined my marriage. I cant forgive her now... but maybe after some time, i might dislike her lesser if she stops all her nonsense. I am not sure how many years it'll take for her disdeeds to be erased off my mind. But if she continues to create trouble, i think i have to resort to cutting ties with her etc, only visit her on CNY, nothing more.

 

[nolem]

Gracie/Zolyn:
i've decided to give my hb one LAST chance and my decision was made after he told me that he will no longer be threatened by MIL after we move out, since they dun meet everyday. After i saw his enthusiasm in packing his things and bringing them over our new place, hurrying the contractors... i think this proves a bit of effort.

But i still hv to assess the situation again after we move in bcos i am very sure MIL will not let us off so easily and i'm waiting to see how hb deals with her. I've told him, whether to salvage our marriage is in his hands. Whether he wants to pacify the unreasonable mother or his suffering wife..

 

[sheezh]

nolem,

I'm sorry that you have had a difficult time with you MIL.. but on the other hand, you are also no different from your MIL from using emotional blackmail on your husband. It's either her or me.

What's to say that you are not the unreasonable one and his mother the suffering one.

 

[nolem]

sheezh: its an unfair statement. I didnt threaten to die or whatsoever like my MIL does. I'm jus giving him the choice. I've laid the cards onthe table that i will not continue our marriage if it meant constant and persistant interferrance from MIL. I didnt even force or pressure him into making me as his choice.

How had MIL suffered? From a DIL who didnt rebut her even once given her mean attitude? The only thing MIL suffered would be being angered by her son who wants to move out. But is it a valid claim in the first place?

 

[crystal_cloud]

i tink my r/s and plans for wedding in aug will be cancelled due to mil also.

 

[powder]

tat's quite amazing... i'm wondering what u guys did all these while before u decided to get married... dun u mingle and meet each side of the family?

 

[soontobe]

MIL-DIL relationship changes overtime, especially when each takes a different role as the BGR/marriage evolves; gf vs bf's mum, dil vs mil, mother-to-be vs grandmum-to-be.

And strangely, even during the gf vs bf's mum stage, the relationship can be extremely good coz still no formal relationship mah...but the moment, that gf identity is going to be converted to a dil status, the MIL-to-be starts to panic and commands a different treatment...And worse, with the baby coming along, the grandmum-to-be starts to worry whether she will be losing control over her son now...

That's what happen to my gf...I asked her the same thing, how was your relationship with your MIL before marriage. She said it was good....It only changed after she got married and pregnant. MIL started to tell tales behind her back and kept comparing her to fren's DILs.

Situation worsened with the arrival of the 1st son...MIL even told her that she can divorce her son and get out of the house if she didn't like her..

So, my gf gave her hubby 2 options; to pack and go with her, or a divorce.

It took a while before the hubby finally packed and stayed with the wife and baby. Luckily, he was clear-headed, and knew all the nonsenses that his mum was doing. And recently, they have just welcomed the 2nd addition to the family!

I am very glad for my gf.....after going thru 2-3 years of shit with her MIL, she was very decisive in fighting for her happiness and family...

 

[flyingstar]

pink_cloud, aiyo, i just posted in another thread regarding your marriage preps...how come cancelled? do PM me if you need to vent okie?

agree wholeheartedly that mil-dil relationship is very dynamic. sometimes it's the realisation that this is the girl the son will be listening to more, and some mothers cannot accept it will start trying to poison everyone...

i guess menopause really have a huge part to play...blame it on the hormones...

 

[smileyclara]

okay, nolem, got your updated. Im glad that your hubby is starting to show his effort after so many things had happened.

Actually i feel v sorry for you to have such a mean MIL. i hope your hubby will be persistant and please give him your support

regarding what your MIL will do in the next step, you can only anticipate and get prepared....

Take care.

 

[nolem]

sunny,
thanks... i hope i can soon close this thread with a happy ending instead of updating on more MIL nonsense.

 

[nolem]

pink clouds : sorry to hear that, let me read yr thread when i hv time. Hope u stay strong!

 

[powder]

flyingstar,

"sometimes it's the realisation that this is the girl the son will be listening to more, and some mothers cannot accept it will start trying to poison everyone..."

hmm..........

better to pick a guy who doesn't listen to either one.

 

[nolem]

i once read somewhere that the most elilgible bachelor is an orphan. Now i totally agree to some extend

 

[powder]

tat's if u're visualizing an orphan who is pretty stable and holding his fort financially...

 

[nolem]

powder: ya manz... but i guess w/o a terrible mean MIL, this would supercede other aspects... at last for me after my horrible encounter.

 

[powder]

nolem,

well there's always 2 choices... solve the problem, or leave the problem.

unfortunately, most pple simply wish the problem dun exist or ignore the problem and leave it for later...

your hb, unfortunately just ignored the problem of an overbearing mum lor... this kind of things must stop early else until 32 our mums will prob still be mothering us... it's in their nature, the longer we let them, the harder for them to wean off... particularly since they're from the older generation... well...

solve the problem to the best of our ability...

 

[smileyclara]

i tell myself next time when my son grow up, i will never want to be such a mean MIL to his wife...it will only make her, my son and myself miserable....

 

[nolem]

sometimes i worry i will have a son next time, keep telling myself daughter better

 

[powder]

i dun mind either, will kick both out anyway... haha, of cos if my little girl is sweet and wanna stay with daddy... then no choice lor... but later end up i stick to her and she finds me overpowering...

but will be fun to interrogate all her bfrens and be like robert de niro in 'meet the fockers'

 

[nolem]

powder, its more acceptable if its the parents of the girl whom does interrogation, its more normal right?

Imagine, my parents were cool abt my dating and never interferred into whether where we go, what time come home. It gets over the neck when its the man's side who does all these.

 

[joey04]

Pink Cloud ==> i tink my r/s and plans for wedding in aug will be cancelled due to mil also.

Guess you are v stress in the wedding preparation now, with MIL problem and HB not helping, hope you will calm down and find strength through God! Jia U! =)

 

[crystal_cloud]

yes indeedd im very stress.
actually he did help out in preparations.
he did guest list and contacted banquet manager to ask for schedule and corkage charges.

he has been more enthu about preparations.

but we are both stress in them, and with his mom.

in fact,i just cried in office uncontrollably today.

 

[joey04]

Are you stress over the dinner with your FPIL tmr? I think now you are a bit out of control, probably because you are too stressed out. Actually i feel that things aren't as bad as it seems, trust me. At least your hubby is now more enthu in the preparation. You must be strong if you have faith in him and the marriage okie. Take care! =)

 

[crystal_cloud]

i have faith in him and i know he loves me.
but humans are humans..sometimes he has also blurted out some words like he is very torn apart between this 2 women..which is us.

evryone gets married happily..not like us..

 

[powder]

ya more fun to interrogate guys mah... girls i dun know, hmm... wonder wat i can ask... not as fun lor... making a guy afraid of daddy is like a handed-down tradition... lucky me, i got a daughter!

 

[princess_cabbage]

Hi Nolem,

Glad to hear that you're back w ur hubby. As i agree w so many of them that it's not worth it to give up ur marriage coz of a unreasonable person. And, leaving the marriage would actually mean you're running away from your prob, not dealing with it.

However, like some others have said, a marriage doesnt consist of the couple but both families as well. There're many more years to go in this marriage before your MIL would pass on. There'll be many occasions where you'll see her again. Are you certain that you want things to remain this way? I'm sure things will surface again if you have kids next time. Maybe she'll say you arent respecting her if you dun bring her grandchildren back???

No one can truly understands the frustrations, pain &amp; agony which you have gone through. However, you must rem, w/o them, you wld not have met your hubby. They're the one who brought him up. No doubt that you'll be the one who wld spent the rest his life with him, they're still the one who are closet to him. Well, blood is thicker than water.

Continuance complaints will probably bring even more damage to your marriage as he might turn to comfort in other women in future?

I agree with one of the members who actually suggested to speak to your MIL. Guess most of us out here knows of some pretty unreasonable mothers who always feel that DILs will snatch their sons away from them. Your MIL is most probably the overboard kind. Why not the both of you bring her out to a dinner, and improves the relationship with her rather than dwelling on the past events?

Like you mention bout her complaing bout u goin back to you maiden's home but yet her own daughter is doing the same thing. That's pretty common, I believe. My MIL told me, "Dont bother too much bout you maiden's home, this is your family now! You shld care bout this instead!" Indeed it's kinda sore to hear this but well, like you said, she's the traditional type, so just dun bother lah...

Do try to get her involved in the things that both of you do otherwise things wont improve. Chat w her more, if you cant treat her like your family, at least treat her as a "hi-bye" friend? Chat w her and let her feel that she's impt. Old folks her age still wanna feel that they're useful and can take care of the family, since she's been the care-taker for so many years.

Either of you gotta take the first step to turn things for the betta. There's still a long way to go. Since you're the "wan bei" here, and she's the elder, go up to her, apologise for "any mistakes" which you may have caused &amp; tell her tat although both of you started out w a bad note, you hope to improve the relationship w her. You wish to make things better, and dun wish to see ur hubby, her precious son, be the ohe who suffer bet the both of u. Of course, discuss this w ur hubby before acting &amp; make sure ur hubby goes w u. If this still doesnt improve the situation, then I rest my case.

Do something before calling anything quit. Dont give up unless you know that youve tried your best and have done whatever you can in any situation to make things better. Or else, you would regret and wonder in future on the "what could I have done then?"

Take care and be brave. Since you've called her your MIL, im sure deep down you still hope tat all of you could be a happy family someday. As the saying goes, "bear w the thunder &amp; rain n you'll get to see the rainbow at the end"

 

[nolem]

cabbage, thanks for advise.

"However, you must rem, w/o them, you wld not have met your hubby. They're the one who brought him up." >> This is what MIL keep repeating and her tool to backup her threats. She keeps reminding pple she gives life to her son and she is had done the most effort. Havent our own parents also ave us life and brought us up thru much harship? I dun see my own parents/relatives said such over n over. Like what my father says <if> MIL seems to claim credit her being the one and only mother who gives life to the son and brings him up!


"Why not the both of you bring her out to a dinner" >> MIL is those type will condemn outside food. Even when she went holiday 2 weeks back, she cooked! I ever bought some fruits and chinese dessert to her place when i was dating, she also jus condamn that outside food ALL not good. Yeah, only hers is the best on earth. After few incidents i never buy anything back, since she feels i am causing her harm to eat outside food.

"Do try to get her involved in the things that both of you do " >> Dun need, she will initiate to get herself involved, first step is to call hb to ask abt our couple-activities then start to interrogate, then splash cold water. She will give her advise and puts us down like we are silly to go out waste our time, as if we are some dumb 5 yr olds. Will u be happy to allow yr MIL to track yr evey activity? My frens says MIL is like a ghost who is not around but spirit lingers.

"Chat w her more, if you cant treat her like your family," >> After so many countless unpleasant incidents, i think i could NEVER ever do this. Would any family member instigate a couple to breakup? I dont even wish to see her, let alone chat with her, i can if i am superficial person, but i jus cant make myself so towards her. It reminds me of her cunning face and the scene of the red flower comes flashing.

"go up to her, apologise for "any mistakes"" >>> No way, i dun think i had done anything wrong in the first place. Also, MIL will feel even more proud and thinks as if she was right and i am wrong. If really have to find something which i done 'wrong' it wld be going back maiden house w/o her permission, but is this valid? Other than this it would be getting upset when she enters my bedroom w/o my knowledge or not putting a fake front to act happy whenever i see her. Oh maybe cursing her behind her back, i guess this is the only one.

"bear w the thunder &amp; rain n you'll get to see the rainbow at the end"">>> My rainbow will come only the day i see her is not around....


Just an hour ago, i overheard her speaking to hb. Apparently their cold war had 'ended'. Why? She not happy we decided to sleep over at new hse on Saturday and was complaining to hb and questioning why we moving into new house next weekend? Says hb shld not make decision w/o consulting her, tells him AGAIN, cannot everything listen to wife!!!!!! Excuse me, its our joint-couple decision. I could not accept a MIL who over and over tells hb not to listen to wife. I tld hb, then go listen to the aunty who sells vege at market, cos i cause harm to u.

I am v upset now. cant write further....................

 

[smileyclara]

Nolem, dont bothered about her, she is gone case liao, dont even dream that she will change. Let her said whatever she want, dont take it to heart.

Most importantly is your hubby, he should know what is happening and what he is doing now. He should stay v firm with the joint couple decision, and that will be good enough.

p.s: but i still have a slimest hope that your MIL will get tired of all this nagging one day...and focus on other thing

 

[cuclainne]

nolem, i think that your husband is doing his best in the situation right now .. i feel that you should give him due credit for that instead of taking it out on him when you're uphappy with the MIL for something she has done .. don't confuse the two of them for being one individual ..

right now he's stuck between his mother and his wife .. he's going to move out so that the two of you can work on the marriage but at the same time, his mother is still his mother .. she might call him to rant and he might just be listening to what she has to say .. doesn't mean that he is going to act on it ..

how will you work on the marriage if you are constantly upset, over every single thing? a relationship needs space to breathe, to grow .. i'm just thinking that if you don't stop and take stock of your emotions and behaviour now, eventually your husband will also have enough of you .. cos to him, it may feel like he's doing his best but it's never going to be good enough for you.

 

[zolyn]

Nolem,

From the beginning till now, i believed you have already make up your mind.
From the thread you wrote, you are 80% will not give up this marriage. Therefore your problem is solved.

Great...

 

[miloice]

is the problem really solved? The MIL is going to be around still and she is getting so upset each time.

If she decides to remain in the marriage despite the MIL, she should be aware that its part of the bargain. i.e. part of the consequence of her choice. So, she need to learn to manage those emotions. Or else, she will burst someday with all the emotions built up.

 

[nolem]

What i want to do is to move out asap. We're planning to move this fri and i told hb that i dun wish to come back to this 'land of sorrows' It really feels good to pack all my things and counting down to the day i can take everything that is mine and leave without turning back.
I think for time being i will not even want to accompany hb go MIL hse for dinners etc after we move out, perhaps for 2-3 months at least? I hope he will not force me to.


I told hb we need time to settle down and there are still lots to do and buy to fill up an empty house plus cleaning, housework etc. Its not logical to out aside our household chores to waste time travel all the way to MIL place to eat with her + see her black face.

I'm thinking, if MIL comes confront me again, maybe i shld just also tell her all those undesirable things that she had done so far which had made me upset with her. But given her tyrant character i think she will feel she is the senior/mother and have all the rights in this wrold to do whatever she deem is correct. All these bad memories are building and accumulating each time we encounter with her, there are times i even dreamt of a confrontation with her and all those trapped feelings i had were released.


And thanks to those who had given me valuable food-for-thought quotes. E.g "Forgiveness takes time, u can't expect someone to forgive if the harm is constant, forgiveness is possible is the harm is discontinued"... This, i always tell hb and remind him on this quote, and not to expect too much from me to even put on a false front to MIL, smile and chat with her?? I told hb, its like ...how can u beat someone up then later buy that person a cup of coffee etc and tells that person what is past is past, to move on to be buddies again but then continue to beat him in future.

 

[fairyprincess]

I think the most pitiful person here is nolem's hubby- stuck between wife and mother...

If he is not mentally strong- he will break down first...

 

[blueberrytea]

"how can u beat someone up then later buy that person a cup of coffee etc and tells that person what is past is past, to move on to be buddies again but then continue to beat him in future."

Super agree!!!


"I think the most pitiful person here is nolem's hubby- stuck between wife and mother...

If he is not mentally strong- he will break down first..."

Then he better wake up fro mhis sleepy mode and START BEING STRONG.
If not, how to grow up?

 

[nolem]

i feel hb has to start to abandon his "guity-conscious" for not obeying MIL in everything she says, else he can get a life.

 

[crystal_cloud]

nolem..
try to let go of pre-forcasting things..

somethings are beyond our control..

im sure your hubby will..

to be positive,, at least your hubby is sort of filial..when your hubby is filial, it means he will treat the wife as good.

take 1 step at a time

recently, my fren noted me that i have cultivated a pessimistic pt of view..due to my many setbacks with my future mil..and indeed, it has sort of stained my r.s with my love one.

my fren has encouraged me to read a book "how to stop worrying and start living" by dale carnegie, it taught me (so far) how to worry for an objective..and not to worry for no outcome

you have been strong..i believ u will

*pat pat nolem*

 

[icesugar]

Hi Nolem,

How's things so far?

Hope all is goin well for u both now...

 

[nolem]

pink cloud : thanks for encouragement. U are somewhat right that a filial son will treat wife good. But not necessary makes a good husband. Jus like the saying, its not easy to be the woman behind mr-nice-guy. If u had watched the recently ended Channel 8 9pm drama - Housewives Holiday, the hubby of Alice is over filial, in the end, caused a lot of distress to the wife.

I came across a recommendation to watch this movie called 'Fireproof yr marriage' and a book called 'Love Dare'. These are self-help for enhancing marriages. I will watch the DVD then go get the book later cos its not in stores yet.

My MIL pop-by our new place to bring vegetarian food to hb last weekend on her way to temple to pray. Then she tells me, now that we've moved out, have to go her place stay over on weekends. I was pissed and jus ignored her totally. Does any newly wed couple with their own house goes back PIL hse stay over on weekends? None of my frens or cousins did. If we really stayed over her place, she saga will continue,her interrogations and controlling us when we go out. I jus keep fingers crossed that hb had learnt his lesson and will not give into MIL's demands.

 

[sella]

I salute your patience...

But if it were me, I will just force my hubby to move out (u already did).. and maybe visit her every week (VISIT not stay over). If hubby wants to stay over, let him be lor. then I go home.. That will show how i dislike staying over at other ppl's house other than mine.

It is sad though that i know there are a lot of marriage ended because of the family and not because of our own spouse. So.. persevere.. and all the best..

 

[hipohipi]

Nolem, I know and understand how your feeling towards your mil; but i guess after she finnaly gave in and let both of you move out, then would it much better for your husband sake to soften abit?
Visiting once a week wont do any harm, try first, if turned out after 2-3times she still does the same, then you can visit her less often. If you dont try, soon or later your hubby feeling towards you also would change, i'm not saying he wont love you anymore, but he'll feel how come the person that he's marrying in to doesnt have a good heart.

My ex collegue also had a problem with his mil, control freak, even her husband finacial oso hv 2 know, in fact 3 of 4 of husband account are either under mil name or join name with her, inclunding fixed deposit. She treat her nice in front of her husband but then like evil when he's not around. when she lost her baby on first pregnancy because of high level of stress, so after heard from doctor and all, once my fren pregnant again, they moved out, since the day bb born, the mil attitude worst, keep critized, so stupid one, doesnt look like husband, etc2 until my fren heart ache and refuse to go visit mil anymore; she so stuborn, and refuse to soften, even started to scold husband if he go and visit his parents; until 5 yrs later mil die, then husband v sad n quilty towards his mum, then started to vent anger to wife how come doesnt want to be more understand, how come make him treat his own mum so bad, bla bla, they're divorce already now, and their kids started to develop some dissapointment towards my fren because of that issue, many ppl tell the story to them lar-so they know-and sometimes when there is family function, CNY, or just gathering to pray for ancestor and all, they used to say "mummy no need to come lar, mummy hate grandma anyway"