I gave up on our 3 mths of marriage


New Member
Hi nolem, glad to know that both you and ur hb are working towards a new family life
I agree with one of the podders mentioned earlier on, give ur hb some moments of peace (don't keep nagging him with his mum's faults) for now, coz he's also taking steps to assert himself. That's great for him, though others may not think so, but considering the fact that he has been under his mum's control for close to 30 yrs. As his wife, support his steps taken okie?
U love him much to want to help him out of his misery too, but he needs baby steps at times and encouragement too. I'm sure that ur hb appreciates u alot, but just that the opponent is his mum, so of coz he can't badmouth too much about his own mum either.

As for the part about the mil complaining ur hb losing weight, haha....maybe next time u heard that, u can try saying to ur hb, 'Hey dear, u see, how effective ur "workout" has become! U follow the routine to reduce weight and that has indeed worked for u, better than Marie F....' see how ur mil reacts.....remember, when u say such things, always says it as if it's something light and funny.....



New Member
hi nolem,

cant help but to pen down a few words of wisdon:

1) Remember, do not talk TOO much abt your MIL in front of your husband. Currently indeed he is aware of how his own mother is treating you. but sooner or later...it's gona be a REPEATED complaint/grumble.

So, a smart wife should just say LESS but yet indirectly hint him how his own mother is treating you. As woman, we do not COMPLAIN too much...sooner or later, he will just find it a nuisance, including yourself.

2) just SMILE...i know its hard. But that is the BEST way to counter every single evil remarks she make. in other words, 1 ear in, 1 ear out. Since now not living together then even best. If ever she complain to anyone, people will remember your facial expression tat you always SMILE...haha

Take care & all the best! Gona be challenging years ahead but it's a good test on both yourself & your hubby.


New Member
Hi there Nolem

I know it's been years since you wrote on this thread, but by any chance if you happen to stumble across this reply, it might help your understanding of your MIL.

Your MIL sounds a lot like my mother. For years, I was also very confused why she behaves/thinks certain ways. Our home was always at constant war. My father is also similar to your FIL as in he just gives in most of the times. She, like your MIL, is also an extreme control freak (though she doesn't call that often), master twister and manipulator of words and situation (her version of "the truth" is ultimately correct), emotional blackmail, extreme rages, etc. When she raged, it doesn't matter if we were in public areas, she screamed and shouted (it did not start this way however, as she was so concerned about her "face"), but it somehow progressed that way. She also threatened to suicide/killing etc. The puzzling thing is that she can behave normally, or even exemplary in front of other people. It's just in front of the closest family (i.e. us) that she behaves this way. We, the children, are the ones who suffer most.

A few years ago, I came across this article about Borderline Personality Disorder. I then read books and sites about it and it shone so much light into my mother's behavior. Bought this book from Kinokuniya on Orchard (http://www.amazon.com/Essential-Fam...=1-4&keywords=borderline+personality+disorder) - I cried when I read it. As in finally, I found out the "what". The "why" and "how" is yet to be answered though.

Ultimately, it is a Disorder. And our "normal" attempts to understand why or how she thinks will ultimately fail. I'd suggest you and HB read some literature about the disorder, perhaps it would shine some light to your understanding as well. There's also a yahoo thread about children of BPD mothers - this might also help to know strategies and ways that other people has dealt with their mother/MIL BPDs.

All the best.


New Member
Wow... u must have love this guy so much to endure so much... I feel for you and I think you should what u feel is happy. After all happiness is most important. . The MIL is mad... ask her go Woodbridge check up ...


Active Member
Why are people still commenting on this 5 year old tread?
And Vintage13, for your information it has already been 5 years and most probably TS has already married another guy with a different MIL. So your advice doesn't really help her.
I'm finding it do funny.