I gave up on our 3 mths of marriage


New Member
I’m now in process of preparing for annulment of my 3month old marriage. 4 years ago when we were in BGR r/ship, we were in our late 20s then. Now I’ starting to regret that I shld not had got into marriage at all. I had been suffering fm mental distress from MIL since. I find her a control freak and its getting over my neck. I thought things would change after we got married, but sad to say, she still can’t let go and it’s affecting my married life. I finally decided that 4yrs dating + 3 months married life is long enuff to draw a conclusion to this problem which just cant be resolved, except ending from our r/ship. It may sound a harsh decision but I think I’ve walked to the end of the road already and here’s my story, its long but I’ll try to summarize:

During our dating :
His mum would constantly call my then-bf to track him down and calls him EVERY nite at abt 8pm to hurry him to go home, although fully aware that we are outside dating or knowing that we just left the house at 6pm. Her usual questions were (1) Where r u? (2) Why not home yet/why go out? (3) What time coming back? What pissed me was her never-say-die attitude of persistence to ruin our date. E.g

Mom: where r u?
He : outside (obviously)
Mom: where u go?
He : orchard
Mom : orchard where?
He : Shaw hse
Mom : go there for what?
He : watch movie
Mom : what movie u watch (ask if she knows abt the screenings/ knows English)
He : movie lor
Mom: that movie v nice meh? Why watch?

Amongst other excuses, he usually would lie to her that we’re already on the way home even though we’re still in middle of our meal or bluff that he’s OT-ing at office. If he’s not home by 10pm, she calls again, bombard him all the questions why not home yet. It gives me the impression that she doesn't like us to go dating. Her calls will follow at the usual +/- 8pm and 10pm to hurry him to go home. I felt stressed up by her tracking and upset with then-bf who had to resort to telling lies to pacify her, as if it's a sin for couple to go dating. My limit was hit on one occasion: it was a Saturday noon and we were shopping at the mall. The mum called with the usual interrogation. He told a lie that he was at office working, during their conversation, a fellow shopper a lady was talking in the background and he told the mum ‘oh it was pantry lady’ .. I was already upset that he had to tell white lies to the mum when we go dating but I didn't expect he had to resort to lie abt the background sound…I don't know where to bury myself to hide and cry. Our dating was constantly interrupted with the mum’s persistence to pressure him to go home and as if I brought him to commit crime outside.

When we were planning for marriage :
Years back, his mum made an arrangement where when my hb turned 21, the parents sold the family flat and forced him to take over the new flat under his sole name and use his CPF to finance. The intention: to ensure that he is stuck and can’t buy another flat, no CPF left too. The MIL induced hb to be in that agreement to take ownership of the family flat and my hb was back then too naive. He thot of helping the family save the resale levy in good faith, thinking that in future, shld he needs to move out, his parents would be cooperative and take back ownership of the flat. He has an elder sis who was married but stays few blks away.

As much as I was against the idea of staying with MIL (I cant tolerate her desire to control pple), I told him that I will ‘try’ and live with his folks since I know hell will break if he wants to move out cos she threatened to commit suicide and ran away from home in protest when he told her abt his intention to move out (despite we proposed to move to another nearby block also cannot!). The mum confronted me and told me that she has to stay with the son bcos she is a very traditional woman and claims herself as a very easy-going person, assures will not poke nose into our affairs once the son is married cos she will deemed him as ‘adult with own life’. I took her affirmation and bet on it.

I was also disappointed that in order to forbid hb fm moving out, she actually told him these which I cant believe would ever come out from a mother who claims to be very traditional in thinking:

a) Its ok to remain single, now is modern society, says there are pple out there who are happily single. If getting married = move out, then don’t get married.
b) Can wait in future then get married, now only 30 years old, still can wait. Nowadays very common to see couple in 40s but child is young, its alright, no hurry for family planning bcos of age catching up
c) If I do not wish to stay together, she will introduce other nice gals to hb. Ask him to breakup with me!

Despite hearing such hurtful comments behind my back, I swallowed my misery, holding on the faith that we can ride thru difficulties as long as we stay united. We didn't want to waste our youth battling with her, after 2 years+ of time wasted in attempting to persuade and ends up defeated and depressed of not able to subdue unreasonable arguments.

Then, comes the selfish sister’s pattern which I cant tolerate as well. She is always very dependent on my hb to help her, even if its her own family matters (she and BIL + mid can NEVER handle her 2 kids for some reason). She always gets away by saying she busy with kids, cant cope and get MIL to command hb to help her do things. Etc, she hosts BBQ party for her children bb shower but we end up being the labourer, helping her carry tables, ice boxes, cook the food, cleanup while she jus care for her kids, didn't help, BIL oso. Etc she wants to save $ and ask my hb to go IT fair to help her buy a laptop, hb had to abandon our dinner date and go squeeze in the crowd and take public transport home carrying the bulky box. Etc she will ask hb to chauffer her and family to places if hb happen to be at home. MIL will always use seniority status to command hb to help the sis, giving excuse since they live nearby, must help each other. When did they (SIL/BIL) ever helped hb? There had been many instances they jus siam and refuse to offer help.

Anyway hb told the mum that we are planning for wedding and wld like to renovate the nuptial room. I was disappointed that despite giving in to something I never desired and sacrificing so much, his family was v uncooperative. Despite the fact that upon marriage, my name wld be added to the flat (me and hubby legal owner and sole financing the flat), she doesn't let go of the Master bed room which the parents were then occupying, to be use as our nuptial room. Nvm this, she also dun allow me to neither renovate any part of the house nor replace the wardrobe of our nuptial room saying its waste of $ (she didn't offer to give red-packet to renovate house to ‘welcome’ me and wants to restrict me using our own $ to renovate our own room! And hey, we’re the legal owners and using our $ to finance the hse). I swallowed these for hubby’s sake. I was most shattered inside when my hb rejected me on my proposal of decorating the house to my liking (not renovation). He says since the sis family always come over for dinner, we cant hv small decorations around the house cos its potentially harm to the sister’s kids if they swallow. I was tearing apart inside, asked why I (owner and paying the loan) hv to be responsible for the sister’s children safety issue? As guests, shouldn't they respect the owner and not touch my things in the first place?

Hb told the mum that we would like to use the ‘sister’s bedroom’ as nuptial room since its bigger and asked for clearance of her stuff. Although she’s married for few yrs, all her things were left intact that room e.g magazines dated 2000 and rusty stationary, faded clothes etc, plus her bulky items which she can’t contain in her own hse. Basically, she is using it as a ‘second store room’. There was an agreement to clear the room and hubby gave them 2 months timeline. By end of the tenor, I was upset that it was not cleared at all. Reason : the sis is very busy with her 2 kids, no time to pack. (although she comes over dinner 2 times a week and hv a maid, it cannot be done). Nvm her laziness, my impression of her changed drastically when my hb offered to help her pack nicely into boxes/bags but she refuse to carry home, excuse saying cannot carry cos of kids. (the BIL always goes back empty handed, didn't want to take their stuff). Then last resort, hb personally delivered the bags to her home and instead, got a scolding upside down fm the sis ‘my house is already so packed, u still bring things over’. I found her totally unreasonable for following reasons:

d) brother getting married but didn't want to lay a finger to clear her own things to facilitate our wedding plans
e) she didn't pay a cent while she was staying in the flat which was NOT the ‘family flat’ since the parents didn't finance for and are not owners, how can she continue to occupy ‘her bedroom’ not to mention she’ve been married and moved out for 3-4 yrs!
f) MIL didn't allow us to throw any of the sister’s trash saying that’s no respect

I didn't understand why MIL insist that we hv to stay with her but yet due to her strong favourtism towards the sister, she took sides instead of helping us expedite the preparation of nuptial room. I explained to hubby that they are too difficult and I cant waste my time waiting for them to wake up from complacency. Last resort, we bought a condo (since he cant use his name to buy a flat). MIL bear a grudge eversince, that we ‘defied’ her despite she told us that she wants to stay with us we still bought another house eventually. She made life difficult for hubby and I stopped going over his place for some time. She says she already willing to take hardship to cook for us etc make dinner, we are so stubborn and didn't want to stay with her.

On/the week after our Wedding :
During tea ceremony, she pinned a red flower on my head. Those who are aware of Chinese customs would know abt the folklore that MILs will put a flower on DIL’s head and press DIL’s head when doing so, DIL will be ‘scared’ of MIL and listen to MIL. (MIL can suppress DIL). I was totally embarrassed under witness of frens n relatives but I held my head firmly, didn't allow her to press down while she pinned the flower. On the way returning to my hse for another tea ceremony, I told hubby abt it and that I’m upset cos nowadays nobody practices this kinda MEAN custom except her. I swallowed it down for his sake again.

After our wedding, we took leave to enjoy our newly wed lives, going for spa, movie etc since we our new house is not ready yet and wanted couple time. MIL complaint to hb that I intentionally not want to stay home and secretly told my hb NOT to listen to his wife. She also asked hb to lie to me that if I asked abt the red flower incident, jus tell me its for auspicious sake and she pressed my head ‘by accident’ cos she was long-sighted and couldn't see clearly w/o her specs during tea, so had to press firmly to ensure the flower didn't drop, no hidden meanings. I was tearing apart inside that MIL told my hb CANNOT listen to wife, anything must tell/ask her.

MIL also forbid me to stay over at my maiden’s house, she even called my mum to confront my mum, scolding ‘how did u teach yr daughter? How can she go maiden house stay over during early stage after wedding’? My mum swallowed this bombard for my sake. MIL had forgotten hb’s sis (her own daughter) had also stayed over maiden house for a period of time after her own wedding during the time SIL was awaiting for her new house ready. I was angry that MIL can heart-pain for her own daughter and understand her daughter being home-sick but cannot allow other pple’s daughter (me) to go back maiden’s house!

More agony to come…
I shall write points instead of lengthy paragraphs to summarize my agony after my wedding.
g) MIL didn't allow hb to lock our bedroom when we were out
h) MILS secretly entered our bedroom and check my wardrobe. How I know : I folded a piece of paper and stuck between he door, but always find it on the floor when we return. She commented that I shld bring more clothes over, currently so little, not enough.
i) I was sent to A&E on night and discharged, reached my maiden home past midnight. MIL didn't allow hb to stayover to care for me, saying ‘daughters are married out, its improper for son to stay at maiden side’. So my hb took midnight cab, traveled 30km and came next morning. I was left alone sick, abandoned, as if no hubby, all cos of the dowager’s rule!
j) I was hospitalized 2 weeks later and upon discharge, I wanted to go back my mother’s house to recuperate but nasty MIL also didn't allow hb to stay my place to take care of me. As much as my parents didn't consent such unreasonable demands, they also kept quiet instead of arguing with her, on account of not wanting to further strain the r/ship
k) After our new condo was ready (TOP), we went out on weekends to shop for lighting and furniture, MIL will grumble and ask why we always go out, why must spend so much time shop for the stuff, ask hb to anyhow buy will do.

The ultimatum came when I finally decided that I cant it anymore. My PIL and SIL family went for holiday trip and returned on a 5am flight. SIL demanded hb to go airport fetch them. I felt it was unreasonable cos they could easily hail a cab since its nearby (fare is only <$15 incl surcharges). Hb says its MIL idea and he is fetching his parents, not sister family. But I know, given SIL and BIL character of imposing on others for own benefit / convenience, they will sure say give them a lift as well since they stay nearby and my hb end up helping them carry their luggage as well (cos they are forever busy with kids). They didn't consider that hb is always married and got own family, everything also want him to ‘help’. I feel its ok if hb goes airport fetch own parents, but why must the SIL keep ‘making use’ of hb’s obliging nature? Its obviously too squeezy for all of them (4 plump adults + 2 kids + luggages) to go into the saloon car.

Moving on, I cant imagine carrying on my married life to be of such:
l) MIL’s constant sarcastic comments and persistent tracking our exact whereabouts and reason for going out. There is no personal space / privacy of our couple-life. Imagine she’s not physically with us but know exactly where we are n what we doing there.
m) SIL’s selfish nature to always impose on hb to command him to run her own personal / family errands instead of turning to her own hubby. MIL will always use her dowager senior status to help SIL cos MIL favours SIL.
n) HB is ever-obliging towards the SIL even when its overboard and inability to even rebut MIL when she is totally unreasonable. He allows them to continue to behave in such undesirable manner.
o) I cant ‘share’ a hb who is supposed to put spouse as priority who is always at the command of MIL and SIL. I cant ‘share’ a hb who is always obliged to help SIL family matters, at expense of my own family’s inconvenience.

I’ve decided to quit from this marriage bcos things had not changed. Hb says 3mths is too soon to call it quits, but how many more 3mths must I wait for them to change? I think I hv to call for Annulment and get myself relased from these years of agony, unhappiness, disappointment and distress. I just want to break free cos my heart had died when I witness and experience the empty promised hb made to me. I felt ‘cheated’ in agreeing to marry him, in good faith that he will act according to his assurance to me that that things will change after our married status. Since I cant change hb, MIL or SIL, I hv to let go and move on……

I’ve moved back to my mum’s place and told him I needed a week of break. He didn't call nor attempt to win me back. I think my decision is correct.


New Member
seems to be a recurring theme in some of the other threads as well - how some ladies go into the marriage, EXPECTING things to CHANGE for the better .. no one will change for you .. it's either you accept it or you don't.


New Member
wow, what a drama,
actually really happening in real life as well.

I am curious what is the background for the MIL behaviour ? Is it cos she is widowed and raised the children all by her own by working very hard through the years, thus usually this kindda mum will tend to act as a control freak to the child. The HB is also quite poor thing to be constantly stuck in between. The fact that he can tolerate till now also show that he hold great respect to his mum

sigh,,......thats the sad part of life when marriage can no longer only contain the love of only between 2 parties


New Member
I'm not expecting anyone - hb, MIL or SIL to change. All i expect is my hb's protection against all the unreasonable / undesirable demands from MIL. I expect hb NOT to forsake me and act according to his assurance to me prior to marriage.

I know he can never talk any sense into the unreasonable MIL, so i expect him to defy her commands when she gets overboard i.e. to inssist of staying over my place to take care of me after i discharge fm hospital, instead of going home to pacify the nagging mother who is jealous for whatever reason?

Is this too much to ask for from a wife to her hubby?

I guess i was just cheated


Active Member

Not to say you but you should know your hb's character.. is he the kind that will defy his mother. In the dating stage, he allows his mother to track him constantly.. and put up with all the nonsense. all the warning signs are there..

But still, I think it is not too late to get out of this marriage.. your hb won't change for you.


New Member
MIL and FIL still around, they operate a business together and hv each other's company everyday. SIL family comes over for dinner at least 2 times a week. SIL stays 3min walk fm MIL.

Going thru harship to bring up their children is no a valid reason to be controlling freak. Whose parents didnt go thry hardship? My parents didnt raise me up by their shaking leg.

I can understand MUL desire to want to stay close to her children, but she is denying my parents and my rights to stay close to my own parents. This is too much! Bcos i ever compromised that hb, me and PIL all stay together (as what MIL wanted) but i want to move to nearby my own parents. MIL disagree! But her own daughter (SIL) can move beside her flat.


New Member
I think enough is enough and what you can tolerate or do has a limit. The rest is up to your hb to fend and do, or for others to act upon.

I believe you would already have a decision in mind... it's your life and will be your call on how you want to handle it, don't bother about what others say.


New Member
u are not cheated...
Your hb has been like this since dating...
you are hoping that he will change but he didn't.

everyone is really taking him for granted but he didn't realise too...
at least do stand up for his wife when she's sick etc but he did not...

since he did not even contact you this one week, can see that he is stuck between the decision of his family or you... dun expect him to give up his family... u wouldn't wan too...


New Member

To stand up against unreasonable behaviour, the crux is to be firm. Your hubby somehow allowed such stuffs accumulatively, and i believe this would carry on for many years to come.

Don't feel cheated, cos you know that you've tried ur best.... just that, your hubby couldn't handle both ends since the very beginning, which probably he needs to learn - rather than yielding to promises all the time.

I think you are far happier now....


New Member

true that i already known MIL's character and hb's inability to defy her. I can only blame myself for loving him so much to allow myself to put my trust in him that he will protect me, as what a husband ought to do.

I hv awaken fm my dream and so that's why i am planning for Annulment to resume my single status and move on. Anyway i still hv suitors. so i think i might be better off to get single again and meet someone new.


New Member
i think hb doesnt love me enuff to defy against his mum for our sake. he rather desert me alone at my maiden house in sickness.... now that i recall... the wedding vows which was thrown out of the window on the 2nd week of our marriage. "..in sickness and in health..." its all bullshit and he indeeed abandoned me to satisfy the controlling mother.

I am defeated in this r/ship and is convinced.


Active Member
"true that i already known MIL's character and hb's inability to defy her. I can only blame myself for loving him so much to allow myself to put my trust in him that he will protect me, as what a husband ought to do.

I hv awaken fm my dream and so that's why i am planning for Annulment to resume my single status and move on. Anyway i still hv suitors. so i think i might be better off to get single again and meet someone new."

Then just do what you have set your mind to do.


New Member

Dont feel cheated. He is still what he is. If you really love him, you should accept. Try to talk to him again. Ask him straight forward: If he still want this marriage, Of course you have to give him time to think about it..
The way i see, it is not likely that you can stay with your PIL, since the situation dont seemed advantage to you.

I still feel that marriage is between you and him. If you let go this marriage, just because of the PIL &amp; SIL, does that show that your marriage is not strong enough.

Do you know that once you have annul this marriage, there will be a crack. It just like when you have broke a vase, no matter it is glued back, the crack is always there. You will never can amend it. By that time, you might feel regrate. Must consider twice..
I am defeated in this r/ship and is convinced

dun say that. u still have plenty of time to seek your own happiness. Dun ever feel defeated by your soon-to-be ex mil. I agree not very easy for your hubby to be sandwiched btw u and his controlling freak mother, you have a choice whether to stay on &amp; suffer or walk away from your marriage.


New Member
wow, having read the long long story, I'm also facing a similar situation, but not that serious...

but I guess there's a limit of tolerance one can take...but really, sometimes we get too blinded by love for our other half to actually see the situation in its clarity.

anyway, i think if a pending annulment cannot make your in-laws or husband change the way they do things, then nothing ever will. taking a breather from your marriage now can help you see the situation better, but I think you already know what you have to do.


Active Member
"If you really love him, you should accept."

>> Can't agree with the above. We have to love and be fair to ourselves too.


New Member
i can swollow all the nasty scarcastic stuff that MIL makes. I just cannot come into term of MIL constantly using EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL to get things her way and force hb to listen to her commands, be it reasonable or not.

Like i mention, she will threaten to commit suicide. How will any child take the risk? Shld accident happen to her unintentional threats, he will be guilty for life. Since it works well, MIL use same tatic else will scold in extremely HARSH manner beyond normal person's tolerance.

I feel trapped to hv such 'family members'where there is no democracy or personal rights

Basically, she is just like a dowager / tyrant of the family, even FIL scared of her. Hb tells me that everyone gives into her bcos anyone who does not obey her, she will become havoc and hell will break in the house. For the sake of peace, everyone give into her, not knowing that they are nurturing a bad habit.


New Member
">> Can't agree with the above. We have to love and be fair to ourselves too."

The words you mentioned is a selfish love. This shows that you love yourself more than others.

A relationship/marriage need both hands to clap. Only 1 hand, it will never be forever lasting.


New Member

Whatever we given to you, is only for advise. The decision is still up to you. You have to measure which is most important in your life. Do not make harsh decision, or you may regrate for life..


New Member
As much as i tried to salvage this r/ship by swallowing all the remarks and keep silent abt it infron of MIL. I've also talked to hb and told him my feelings and mental stress i'm going thru. He says he understands but cant ignore his family.

I feel he takes things too hard. E.g does rejecting SIL to help her run her personal errands is a big deal? Its not as if she is single woman, she has a hubby herself, why come bother abt my hubby? I told my hb, that if he sprain his back when he helps SIL carry the heavy things, its me who suffer cos i am the wife who hv to care for him. SIL is smart to order hb around (with the backing of MIL) bcos she knows how to protect her own hubby. I am disappointed my hb doesnt see in this manner and refuse to admit his sis is selfish. Is this how siblings shld 'care' for each other? or is it 'making use' and taking advantage?


New Member
Koikoi, i do understand what you meant..
It will be most perfect that everyone can able to communicate to each other. Every family will have indvidual problem "jia jia you ban na nian de jing"

But I still feel give up a marriage because of PIL, it seemed like "ke xi". Especially, i believe Nolem and her hubby should have alot of happy moments.


New Member
I think MIL wil only wake up her idea when her family members abandon her, then she will realise that she cannot behave in such tyrant manner. But sad to say, she is too 'lucky' to have overly obedient children and henpacked FIL.

is it a blessing?
Hmmm nolem, did your MIL lose her own child years ago??? Was that why it resulted in her being a so called tryant or bully towards your hubby? SOmetimes u need to dig deeper. there must be somewhere that caused your mil n sil to act like that towards your hubby. U know the situation the best rather than us, the outsiders here.


New Member
The happiest moments were when we go overseas holiday where MIl calls only once a day or fortnight. Its the only time we can hv total peace.

Even hb comments that sometimes he wished to work overseas to get away. But the mum will never allow. Imagine, MIL could dictate hb's career path!


New Member
nope, her family is intact. that is why i find it amazing as well. FIL is with her, her daughter stays next block and she can see grandchildren anytime.

Her behv was overboard that i ever questioned my hb whether he had criminal record etc that made the MIL such a 'control freak'. I guess its not protective towards her children, its jus her character, deisre to be in power. My hb agrees.


New Member
i have a gf with a similar story.. horrible MIL and SIL and my gf almost call off the wedding.. she was ready to forgo a lot a lot of things and i think she was so adamant to break off with him that her bf realise it's time he stand up for himself and all the nonsense that his mother and sister created to salvage his own happiness. In the end, he did proof that to her and they got married eventually...

You really have no more love for your hubby?? May be you should take a breather. Seperate for a while, dun even meet and talk to him to show him that you mean what you're saying (annul the wedding). See if he really cares and do anything abt it. If he still does not stand for himself, well, this man is gone case..Do what you need to do then...


New Member
hi nolem, think becuz ur hb is the only son. And sway sway ur MIL is the traditonal type. All along in her precious son life, the most important woman is her. But after he met u, now his son life revolves with another woman(which is u), ur MIL becomes jealous.

And sad to say, we muz gauge wat is right and wat is wrong even if it is our parents. Saying no doesnt mean not filial to them anymore. Juz that when after married, he should also stand by u rather than juz listen to the mum. He should know when to support u.

And regarding u sick that part and he still listens to his mum and gone back home, i feel for u.

If married to a guy whom cant protect u, seriously i think wats the difference of being single?

juz my tots..


New Member
i am jus puzzled, on one hand MIL claims to love hb too much that she cannot let him stay away fm her. but the other hand, plays extreme favourtism towards SIL.

MIL mentioned to me 'daughters are married OUT, so sons are solely responsible tor parents' She hinted to me that me (daughter) is married out, so cannot happy happy go maiden home. (when my SIL done so many times and she hv no issue).

I feel MIL concept of having children is not too correct. She is a tru blue person who believe/practice in the saying '3yang 2er 2fang 4lao'.

We felt that MIL she doesnt care abt other's feelings or emotonal needs. Hb commented that his mum feels that as long as she cooks for family and taken care of household (her area of respinsilibity) she hv done her part as mother. In turn, she expects her son to listen to her since she gives him life... u know, that kind of old pple thinking.......
wow, then encourage your hubby to seek his career overseas so that u can follow him n he happy together.. is this a happy ending for u.. just imagine the scenerious hee hee..

If not then what shall u do? i guess u still very much love your hubby up till now.


New Member
your MIL might dictate but your husband follows so who's fault is it anyways? please do not mistake this for filial piety. thing is, he is his own person and can decide whether to follow blindly or not ..

and very often, it's quite convenient to label the MILs as troublemakers when it's really their children or the people around them who have allowed them to have their own way the whole time ..

you say you don't expect anyone to change .. but your expect your hubby to stand up for you .. thing is, if he can't stand up to his mother during your BGR, what makes you think he will stand up for you now?

now that you have made your decision, stick to it .. don't change your mind 3 months down the road.


Active Member
"The words you mentioned is a selfish love. This shows that you love yourself more than others."
>> Did I say that you have to love yourself MORE than you love your spouse/partner? No, I didn't say that. I said that you have to love and be fair to yourself at the same time. If you keep sacrificing your own happiness for the sake of keeping others happy, you will feel burnout in no time and cannot continue in the relationship. Nolem's case is a good example. Her health is even compromised.

"A relationship/marriage need both hands to clap. Only 1 hand, it will never be forever lasting."
>> You have said it right. According to what Nolem has said, the sacrifices are one-way. Is this not clapping with one hand only?


New Member
blur > i think difficult to think about oversea job... the MIL already has problem with moving out or going out, not to mention to leave the country. That would be much tougher...

Just wondering if she would say "quit the job, i can find new job for you" or "quit your job if they send you oversea, i can support you"...


New Member
i also told my hb, there is difference between filial and 2yu 4xiao.

I feel the things i hope hb can go against his mum are not trival matters cos its causing a lot of mental and emo stress to me. i cant Zzz well, concentrate at work, make careless mistakes etc and health deterorated.

My doc who assessed my health condition the time when i fainted and when i got all the IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) cramps told me that my case is stress-related since i'm in pink of health in all other aspects.

My work is almost stress-free. so i think its this r/ship that is causing me over powering levels of stress which i cant handle.
Similar problem here, except that we have a hdb flat under our name which makes annulling difficult as it would be a loss if we sold it back to hdb. And because my wife is the only daughter, I feel guilty if I am to annul the marriage.


New Member
i am not sure if MIL is really unreasonable beyong normal person's tolerance, or its problem with myself that i jus too petty?


Active Member
"i am not sure if MIL is really unreasonable beyong normal person's tolerance, or its problem with myself that i jus too petty?"
>> So now you are not so sure about annulment?


New Member
your husband is sandwiched between u and his mum, if u r in his shoes its difficult to choose as well

but really its a pity to let the relationship go when both of u loves each other, not easy to find some1 whom u love and who loves u .. so do think twice if there is any way that the relationship can be salvage

but really i feel for u that your husband was not around when u r sick its too much ..dun be too sad gal
we cannot choose our parents but we can choose our parent in law hehe so it will be too silly if we choose to stick with this pair of PIL when they r darn lousy
very tiring too esp if u donot have your husbands support


New Member
Nolem, i think u have already tolerate all that u can.. so nw, u have to think do u still love ur hubby? Is the love still strong enuff to make u go tru all over again? I mean wats enuff is enuff.. sometimes marriage is hard becuz marriage does not only revolves around 2 ppl but 2 family. If the family is causing the problem, and ur hubby juz allow them to, its kind of hard to go on.

Or u can talk to ur hubby this one last time again to discuss wat u cannot tolerate anymore. If ur hubby still wans u and will try to fight for u, maybe u can still try to continue this marriage. But if ur hubby kept quiet, like u mentioned u already packed ur stuffs and went home and he still didnt call or look for u. Its like... u should know wat i mean.. If u think u cant handle this anymore, then no point keep on tryin and making urself so stressed up till health detoriates thats very serious already... u know?

If he cant think for u, then u have to think for urself already..
then no no no, i cannot imagine such a scene.
it is the wife(nolem) who is the one suffering from all this and i can predict nolem might be heading for a nervous breakdown sooner or later.

And Doll has a point too. Nolem has to be fair to herself.


New Member
well, alot is base on individual and the upbringing.

In all my relationship, my bf parents never involve nor interfere in how we dated etc, leave everything to us.

For my own parent, is the same as well. My parent never interfere in how their children dated.

Guess m quite lucky

nolem, u seem rather upset now, i would suggest u take a longer cool off period to really decide if you wanna make any decision.
just dun wanna you to regret later.


New Member
Nolem when u r out of house that gives your MIL even more space to poison your husband mind
who knows his mind is overflowing with poison now


New Member
thus if u talk to him do try to talk to him in a calm manner taking into consideration of wat your MIL might have said to him for these past days


New Member
ya disagreed on that too
there r limitations anything above threshold should be flagged out and discarded if its not possible to correct .. treasure yourself


Active Member
Ur hb will b e 1 hu will b in e losin end if he lose u.

I cant believe tt after u holdin back so much, he can still didn't call nor attempt to win u back?

No offence, you sure u still wants him?
Well, he may love you.. but perhaps he love himself even more that he cant b a MAN to stand up for someone he loves?

Now u sacrifice only. When times to come lei? What if u gt a chilf of ur own? Ur hb (father of e child) gonna let his mother (dowager) tc of the baby? Or wanna in charge of hw u tc of ur baby? She is too much of a control freak.

You certainly don deserve this.


New Member
Although I don't advocate divorce (divorce statistics already high enough in SG) but in your case, I feel you have made the correct decision. Your MIL is a control freak and your hubby is too weak to stand up for you, hence he keeps getting pushed around and led by others by his nose. And the very fact that he did not even bother to call or find you during the one week you moved out only serves to remind you of the fact that his mum, and not you, is the one he cares most about.

You will be happier w/o him. All the best and don't look back.