I have been following your thread and felt compel to write this post.
When coming to decide whether to end a life especially baby, people get vey emotional and no people in the right mind will encourage you to go for abortion because people either look at the religious or humanity pov. People can encourage and persuade you to keep the baby but if things donâ€™t turn out the way you wanted or positively, they are not going to take the responsibilities and you are, you are the one who will be stuck with this problem for the rest of your life. There are some single mom here talking about how lovely and happy their kids are now and find someone that love and accept their past and kids but when their kids grow older, they will face with the reality of they being the illegitimate kids and worst a bastard. I felt that there are a lot of positive view of keeping the baby and being a single mom and I felt I need to present the dark side of being a single mom and being an illegitimate kids, life is usually cruel and there will be no fairy tales ending, but of course, there will be exception in every things.
I am one such kid and my life is definitely not what I read in this thread which is full of love and acceptance. Sometime, I truly wish my mom has taken the courage to abort me then to save me from all these suffering, I would have been very grateful to her and will bear no grudges or hatred to her. When people said donâ€™t abort but have they or the mother ever ask the baby whether that is his wish too, of course, baby cannot answer and the adult take for granted and presumption that it is for the good of the baby but its truly so?
From when I am little, I already aware that I am different from others. I still remember during my primary school, one day, one of my classmate that live on the same block of flat told me that his mother said that I am a bastard and I donâ€™t have a father. I didnâ€™t know what is bastard mean then but I know is a vulgar word used to scold people and I really want to tell him that I have a father but I donâ€™t know how to tell him because my mom never told me about him. I felt so sad and I started to cry. My teacher saw it and asked me what happened but I refuse to tell her because I felt so ashame of myself then. When I went home, I told my mom what happened in school and asked her what is a bastard but my mom didnâ€™t say anything but she told me I need to be strong and protect myself from such people. My mom is always busy with work and I stay with my grandparents, whenever there is any activities in school that involve parents/family, I am always the lonely one and began to hate myself, my mom and my life. I will get into fight in school with whoever teases me and my mom was called to the school. She is very upset and scolded me. I still remember during one of the heated moment, she shout at me that she should have aborted me then. It hurt me deeply because I felt I am an unwanted child and I became worst. People started to say bad things about me and my mom that I am behaving this way because I donâ€™t have a father and I donâ€™t have â€˜å®¶æ•™â€™. My friends became fewer and fewerâ€¦When I am in secondary school, I have bf, get pregnant and went for abortionâ€¦I tell myself I am not going to be so stupid like my mom to become a single mom, the baby will only suffer like me. I didnâ€™t felt anything about abortion and you should not too. Donâ€™t believe those crap about going to hell and itâ€™s a life, no, why should we care about heaven or hell, who can prove it that they exist, what we should care about is the reality and life now, not some flimsy afterlife consequences. Its definitely not a life, the baby will be grateful to you for not bringing him to this world to suffer, not under such situation and conditions. Donâ€™t let your baby hate you in the future.
About getting someone that can accept you and your kid, it easier said than done. My mom used to have a bf for a year but broke off with her due to his familyâ€™s pressure and rejection. He love my mom and is willing to accept my mom and me but ultimately, we are living in a real world, there will be choices have to make, its either us or his family, may be some will said his not worthy for mom or its not true love but I can see that he truly love my mom but the choice is between his parents and us, in life, a lot of time, you cannot have the best of both world, that is the reality. My mom is very sad and it hurt me to see my mom cry and I know I am the problem, why, why, why, I wish I am not born but no one care to spare a thought for me then. As a single mom, you cannot expect to have the type of relationship normal single woman would have and you would have to compromise your â€˜standardâ€™ of your partner, its never the same and you are on a different playing field, again, if there is a choice and everything equal (and it will never be equal), a normal and sane guy will go for the single woman, it is the most logical and align with normal human behavior. Please do not have the fancy or unrealistic idea of find a good guy (including his family) that will accept you and your baby whole heartedly, yes, there will be as everything will have exception but the odds are against you. Be realistic, although people said that we are in the 21st century but we are basically still a conservative society, people still have a negative impression or view of single mom or illegitimate kid which is why you seldom see people proudly declare that they are single mom or their kid are illegitimate, everything is hush hush or like some here said by hiding the fact by telling people that the father is not free or working.
You are quite pretty and still very young, you deserve a better future and please donâ€™t let this decision to ruin your life forever, why become a single mom when you have the opportunity to be your usual self again, please think for the baby future, its still not too late to abort.
I wish I have the opportunity to tell my mom all these when she is in your situation 23 yrs ago.