How to overcome post abortion effect?
- Thread starter sharepoint
- Start date
I think that people who think negatively of Sharepoint's father doesn't understand what her father is going through, especially when you are not a father of a daughter who's pregnant out of wedlock yourself.
Her father has every right to be angry with her. When I was in her situation, I'd wished my father beat me or scold me so that I would feel better for the shameless thing I had done. I had brought shame upon the family and I totally deserved a good beating from my father. I'm sure Sharepoint understands what I am talking about.
Being a conservative man, it is very hard for him to reconcile himself with a daughter who has betrayed him. He could even be wondering what he has done to deserve this. He probably hadn't impregnate another woman out of wedlock, so why is this happening to him?
He just needs some time to come round with this cruel fact: that his daughter is pregnant without a marriage. My father became more mellow only after my delivery.
Cut the father some slack lah!
Her father has every right to be angry with her. When I was in her situation, I'd wished my father beat me or scold me so that I would feel better for the shameless thing I had done. I had brought shame upon the family and I totally deserved a good beating from my father. I'm sure Sharepoint understands what I am talking about.
Being a conservative man, it is very hard for him to reconcile himself with a daughter who has betrayed him. He could even be wondering what he has done to deserve this. He probably hadn't impregnate another woman out of wedlock, so why is this happening to him?
He just needs some time to come round with this cruel fact: that his daughter is pregnant without a marriage. My father became more mellow only after my delivery.
Cut the father some slack lah!
Ya, cut the father some slack.. this I can agree.
Anyway the father is not here to listen.
But I do find it amazing that "daughters" are so understanding of their "stubborn" father..
Almost everyone is asking to give the father time.. how long must be given? Or as everyone has said, it is perfectly "understandable" that the father should be angry and black-face and not talk to the daughter for as long as he wishes? this is just amazing to me.
What age are we living in? And even in tulipzz case, she wanted a good beating from her father? As if beating her will help? And shame? What shame are we talking about. What so shameless about bringing a child to this world - even if it is out of wedlock?
Anyway the father is not here to listen.
But I do find it amazing that "daughters" are so understanding of their "stubborn" father..
Almost everyone is asking to give the father time.. how long must be given? Or as everyone has said, it is perfectly "understandable" that the father should be angry and black-face and not talk to the daughter for as long as he wishes? this is just amazing to me.
What age are we living in? And even in tulipzz case, she wanted a good beating from her father? As if beating her will help? And shame? What shame are we talking about. What so shameless about bringing a child to this world - even if it is out of wedlock?
apparently some people have never been to starbucks. out there there are people so rich they only ever drink at hotel cafes.
what do people who think they are Messiahs wear and drive? do they dress like mortal people or there are special clothings for people with supernormal intelligence? beats me ...
what do people who think they are Messiahs wear and drive? do they dress like mortal people or there are special clothings for people with supernormal intelligence? beats me ...
It takes time for her dad to get over it. Some people, like Milo said, can handle it better. Some just can't. So Sharepoint can only let her dad be and hope that he eventually gets used to the idea that she'll be a mom and him, a granddad.
In terms of 'time' - nobody knows. She can't force him how to feel either. But everyone is encouraging her to be patient, and concentrate on her pregnancy.
In Tulipzz' case, her dad came around only after grandchild was born.
I thought 'avatar' is quite a nice name. Think 'troll' would be more apt. ladida
In terms of 'time' - nobody knows. She can't force him how to feel either. But everyone is encouraging her to be patient, and concentrate on her pregnancy.
In Tulipzz' case, her dad came around only after grandchild was born.
I thought 'avatar' is quite a nice name. Think 'troll' would be more apt. ladida
sharepoint, don't feel bad. it's ok to reveal your dad's feelings in here... naturally, people would ask abt your parents' reactions towards this. as far as i am concerned, he expressed in his own manner because he is only human... all the talk abt "fake" this "fake" that is freaking crap.
don't think too much. he will be there for you eventually.
don't think too much. he will be there for you eventually.
sm,
I'm not sure how open-minded your family is, but I guess like the way I can't understand the open-mindedness of some people, like you, you won't be able to understand the extent of conservativeness of our fathers.
When I said they are conservative, I really mean conservative. They cannot accept their daughters having sex with someone before they are married, probably because they themselves didn't do such a thing when they were younger. So they cannot imagine their daughters having pre-marital sex.
It's not fair to say that they are wrong not to accept their daughter's behaviour. The fact is, they are right, that pre-marital sex is wrong. I don't have anything against you but it makes me wonder what kind of a father you make to your daughter. That said, I don't mean to attack you personally. Perhaps you're really very open-minded, but that doesn't make our fathers wrong.
Bringing a child to this world is not a shame, but doesn't the world label them 'bastards' or 'illegitimate'? These words still exist in dictionaries and they do mean 'children born out of wedlock'. For our conservative fathers, it is shameful that their daughters had sex with men before they were married. Altho they do know that such things happen around the world every day, they cannot accept their daughters doing it.
I hope it clears your doubt on why our fathers are so 'strange'.
I'm not sure how open-minded your family is, but I guess like the way I can't understand the open-mindedness of some people, like you, you won't be able to understand the extent of conservativeness of our fathers.
When I said they are conservative, I really mean conservative. They cannot accept their daughters having sex with someone before they are married, probably because they themselves didn't do such a thing when they were younger. So they cannot imagine their daughters having pre-marital sex.
It's not fair to say that they are wrong not to accept their daughter's behaviour. The fact is, they are right, that pre-marital sex is wrong. I don't have anything against you but it makes me wonder what kind of a father you make to your daughter. That said, I don't mean to attack you personally. Perhaps you're really very open-minded, but that doesn't make our fathers wrong.
Bringing a child to this world is not a shame, but doesn't the world label them 'bastards' or 'illegitimate'? These words still exist in dictionaries and they do mean 'children born out of wedlock'. For our conservative fathers, it is shameful that their daughters had sex with men before they were married. Altho they do know that such things happen around the world every day, they cannot accept their daughters doing it.
I hope it clears your doubt on why our fathers are so 'strange'.
if compare to $0.90 kopi, Starbucks' coffee is more like "high-class" coffee - about or almost the same price as the coffee at some hotels' cafe... but im seriously addicted to their frappucino. can't do without it for few days, that kind..
moreover, can also correspond with customers and conclude deals using the wireless internet. it's like my second office.
i think scope sits in for the free water.
moreover, can also correspond with customers and conclude deals using the wireless internet. it's like my second office.
i think scope sits in for the free water.
tulipzz,
Of course I know what conservative is. As to come to pre-marital sex, yes I can fully understand. And it is not a question of judging right or wrong. Or even in this case, let's just I agree it is wrong. And like the father said it is wrong... but so what. It has been done. The baby is coming.. So it is already wrong, and what good the father to behave in manner as not supporting the daughter?
So, how does not accepting the daughter help things? In the end, he still has to accept.. It is only making things more difficult that it is.
Of course I know what conservative is. As to come to pre-marital sex, yes I can fully understand. And it is not a question of judging right or wrong. Or even in this case, let's just I agree it is wrong. And like the father said it is wrong... but so what. It has been done. The baby is coming.. So it is already wrong, and what good the father to behave in manner as not supporting the daughter?
So, how does not accepting the daughter help things? In the end, he still has to accept.. It is only making things more difficult that it is.
sm,
The father has every right not to accept what Sharepoint does. It's not a neccessity for him to accept, 'in the end'. He might accept the fact in the end, or he might not. Either way, he has the right. He has the right to make things difficult for Sharepoint because this is the consequences Sharepoint has to accept, and being such a mature girl, I believe she will accept the consequences that comes with her decision.
I believe that like my father, eventually, the father will come round, just that it's not fair to compel the father to accept when he's still in a state of shock and denial.
The father has every right not to accept what Sharepoint does. It's not a neccessity for him to accept, 'in the end'. He might accept the fact in the end, or he might not. Either way, he has the right. He has the right to make things difficult for Sharepoint because this is the consequences Sharepoint has to accept, and being such a mature girl, I believe she will accept the consequences that comes with her decision.
I believe that like my father, eventually, the father will come round, just that it's not fair to compel the father to accept when he's still in a state of shock and denial.
tulipzz, actually not really true la, its not abt conservative.
for my dad, though he n my mum r each other's first, but they did had pre marital sex b4 they officially got married. they r considered quite a modern set of parents (as to many others ive met) but still, its still something every parent will mind.
i mean, even us, now, we will still mind right? cos though i m a single mum, i do not wish my girl to be one nor engage in pre marital sex either.
for my dad, though he n my mum r each other's first, but they did had pre marital sex b4 they officially got married. they r considered quite a modern set of parents (as to many others ive met) but still, its still something every parent will mind.
i mean, even us, now, we will still mind right? cos though i m a single mum, i do not wish my girl to be one nor engage in pre marital sex either.
actually, why is the father kept being involved huh? i think he somehow alr accepted it in his heart, just that, perhaps due to his pride n "face", he dont wanna go all out n accept it with open arms, but thru small things, he will show his concern over her.
like though my dad didnt talk to me much due to his "anger", but when i had cravings for certain food, he also will tabao back for me, even it is out of the way.
dads show their love n concern in a very different way from mothers, no matter what happens, parents r parents, they still love u no matter what.
they wil always forgive u n accept your mistakes.
joey, perhaps, your dad is blaming himself for what has happened. he might be thinking, if he was stricter to u, if he had restricted u from hving a bf etc, u know? he might be unable to forgive himself thus, he doesnt wanna "talk" yet.
make the first move to talk to him, when u go for your first scan, show it to him, or ask your mum to show him.. when u r starting to shop for baby's stuff, ask for his opinion, n he will slowly open up to u.
like though my dad didnt talk to me much due to his "anger", but when i had cravings for certain food, he also will tabao back for me, even it is out of the way.
dads show their love n concern in a very different way from mothers, no matter what happens, parents r parents, they still love u no matter what.
they wil always forgive u n accept your mistakes.
joey, perhaps, your dad is blaming himself for what has happened. he might be thinking, if he was stricter to u, if he had restricted u from hving a bf etc, u know? he might be unable to forgive himself thus, he doesnt wanna "talk" yet.
make the first move to talk to him, when u go for your first scan, show it to him, or ask your mum to show him.. when u r starting to shop for baby's stuff, ask for his opinion, n he will slowly open up to u.
Fine. I don't visit Starbucks but once, and it was a treat by someone. Mostly it's like Coffee Club or Coffee Bean (what name), and a fine cup of coffee with the fresh air at country clubs, or lobby at 4 stair hotels.
Basically, we have an entire warehouse of different types of coffee beans... So...
But no... I don't sit in for free water...
...But free newspapers. I still believe it's only the honorable frugal way of life to read newspapers for FREE from bookshops, department stalls and so on.
I am going to start retail sales of coffee and tea powder soon. ^.6 So if you meet me on the streets, just say Hi. LOL~ I am doing so to raise money for movie making as well...
Nice thing I am a good guy, you'd get only the most fresh powder from Scope Guy... tuned to your fvck taste for a royal tea break. LOL~
Basically, we have an entire warehouse of different types of coffee beans... So...
But no... I don't sit in for free water...
...But free newspapers. I still believe it's only the honorable frugal way of life to read newspapers for FREE from bookshops, department stalls and so on.
I am going to start retail sales of coffee and tea powder soon. ^.6 So if you meet me on the streets, just say Hi. LOL~ I am doing so to raise money for movie making as well...
Nice thing I am a good guy, you'd get only the most fresh powder from Scope Guy... tuned to your fvck taste for a royal tea break. LOL~
By the way, no one has the right to make things hard for a pregnant woman.
Whenever I could on MRT, I don't think I'd have the right to tell the pregnant woman to stand and I sit...
LOL~
Just to illustrate. Yes. You fvcking angry, you freakingly facial but... that's your daughter, and if that's your faith... prove it.
You people want to talk about rights... Go and torture your daughter first then come here talk cock.
Sharepoint needs a crush course with the tears now... Because in months to come, she'd be really hard with the big tummy and it won't help if we are so nice to her now... She has to quickly grow up.
Whenever I could on MRT, I don't think I'd have the right to tell the pregnant woman to stand and I sit...
LOL~
Just to illustrate. Yes. You fvcking angry, you freakingly facial but... that's your daughter, and if that's your faith... prove it.
You people want to talk about rights... Go and torture your daughter first then come here talk cock.
Sharepoint needs a crush course with the tears now... Because in months to come, she'd be really hard with the big tummy and it won't help if we are so nice to her now... She has to quickly grow up.
tulipzz,
what rights are you talking about. Of course everyone has their rights. Yes, the father has a right not to accept.. so be it. But how does not help things? The baby is coming.. Don't accept so what? Hard on the daughter. Hard on himself. He can continue to give black face.. for all the world - he is the one that is not happy and he bloody make sure his daughter is not happy? Yes, TS deserved it.. are you saying that?
We all make mistake. yes, a young girl made a mistake.. got pregnant.. and now she is brave enough to bring up the baby. Isn't that something as a parent we should support - however unhappy we may be with the situation.
I don't really understand the psyche of the father. It is like the many chinese films we have seen such fathers - angry for his whole life just because he deemed that the daughters had shamed him. I don't identify with such a thinking at all.
And mind you, I bet that her father is not very much older than me.. I have a 19 years old daughter...
what rights are you talking about. Of course everyone has their rights. Yes, the father has a right not to accept.. so be it. But how does not help things? The baby is coming.. Don't accept so what? Hard on the daughter. Hard on himself. He can continue to give black face.. for all the world - he is the one that is not happy and he bloody make sure his daughter is not happy? Yes, TS deserved it.. are you saying that?
We all make mistake. yes, a young girl made a mistake.. got pregnant.. and now she is brave enough to bring up the baby. Isn't that something as a parent we should support - however unhappy we may be with the situation.
I don't really understand the psyche of the father. It is like the many chinese films we have seen such fathers - angry for his whole life just because he deemed that the daughters had shamed him. I don't identify with such a thinking at all.
And mind you, I bet that her father is not very much older than me.. I have a 19 years old daughter...
Hi, Joey
I have been following your thread and felt compel to write this post.
When coming to decide whether to end a life especially baby, people get vey emotional and no people in the right mind will encourage you to go for abortion because people either look at the religious or humanity pov. People can encourage and persuade you to keep the baby but if things don’t turn out the way you wanted or positively, they are not going to take the responsibilities and you are, you are the one who will be stuck with this problem for the rest of your life. There are some single mom here talking about how lovely and happy their kids are now and find someone that love and accept their past and kids but when their kids grow older, they will face with the reality of they being the illegitimate kids and worst a bastard. I felt that there are a lot of positive view of keeping the baby and being a single mom and I felt I need to present the dark side of being a single mom and being an illegitimate kids, life is usually cruel and there will be no fairy tales ending, but of course, there will be exception in every things.
I am one such kid and my life is definitely not what I read in this thread which is full of love and acceptance. Sometime, I truly wish my mom has taken the courage to abort me then to save me from all these suffering, I would have been very grateful to her and will bear no grudges or hatred to her. When people said don’t abort but have they or the mother ever ask the baby whether that is his wish too, of course, baby cannot answer and the adult take for granted and presumption that it is for the good of the baby but its truly so?
From when I am little, I already aware that I am different from others. I still remember during my primary school, one day, one of my classmate that live on the same block of flat told me that his mother said that I am a bastard and I don’t have a father. I didn’t know what is bastard mean then but I know is a vulgar word used to scold people and I really want to tell him that I have a father but I don’t know how to tell him because my mom never told me about him. I felt so sad and I started to cry. My teacher saw it and asked me what happened but I refuse to tell her because I felt so ashame of myself then. When I went home, I told my mom what happened in school and asked her what is a bastard but my mom didn’t say anything but she told me I need to be strong and protect myself from such people. My mom is always busy with work and I stay with my grandparents, whenever there is any activities in school that involve parents/family, I am always the lonely one and began to hate myself, my mom and my life. I will get into fight in school with whoever teases me and my mom was called to the school. She is very upset and scolded me. I still remember during one of the heated moment, she shout at me that she should have aborted me then. It hurt me deeply because I felt I am an unwanted child and I became worst. People started to say bad things about me and my mom that I am behaving this way because I don’t have a father and I don’t have ‘家教’. My friends became fewer and fewer…When I am in secondary school, I have bf, get pregnant and went for abortion…I tell myself I am not going to be so stupid like my mom to become a single mom, the baby will only suffer like me. I didn’t felt anything about abortion and you should not too. Don’t believe those crap about going to hell and it’s a life, no, why should we care about heaven or hell, who can prove it that they exist, what we should care about is the reality and life now, not some flimsy afterlife consequences. Its definitely not a life, the baby will be grateful to you for not bringing him to this world to suffer, not under such situation and conditions. Don’t let your baby hate you in the future.
About getting someone that can accept you and your kid, it easier said than done. My mom used to have a bf for a year but broke off with her due to his family’s pressure and rejection. He love my mom and is willing to accept my mom and me but ultimately, we are living in a real world, there will be choices have to make, its either us or his family, may be some will said his not worthy for mom or its not true love but I can see that he truly love my mom but the choice is between his parents and us, in life, a lot of time, you cannot have the best of both world, that is the reality. My mom is very sad and it hurt me to see my mom cry and I know I am the problem, why, why, why, I wish I am not born but no one care to spare a thought for me then. As a single mom, you cannot expect to have the type of relationship normal single woman would have and you would have to compromise your ‘standard’ of your partner, its never the same and you are on a different playing field, again, if there is a choice and everything equal (and it will never be equal), a normal and sane guy will go for the single woman, it is the most logical and align with normal human behavior. Please do not have the fancy or unrealistic idea of find a good guy (including his family) that will accept you and your baby whole heartedly, yes, there will be as everything will have exception but the odds are against you. Be realistic, although people said that we are in the 21st century but we are basically still a conservative society, people still have a negative impression or view of single mom or illegitimate kid which is why you seldom see people proudly declare that they are single mom or their kid are illegitimate, everything is hush hush or like some here said by hiding the fact by telling people that the father is not free or working.
You are quite pretty and still very young, you deserve a better future and please don’t let this decision to ruin your life forever, why become a single mom when you have the opportunity to be your usual self again, please think for the baby future, its still not too late to abort.
I wish I have the opportunity to tell my mom all these when she is in your situation 23 yrs ago.
I have been following your thread and felt compel to write this post.
When coming to decide whether to end a life especially baby, people get vey emotional and no people in the right mind will encourage you to go for abortion because people either look at the religious or humanity pov. People can encourage and persuade you to keep the baby but if things don’t turn out the way you wanted or positively, they are not going to take the responsibilities and you are, you are the one who will be stuck with this problem for the rest of your life. There are some single mom here talking about how lovely and happy their kids are now and find someone that love and accept their past and kids but when their kids grow older, they will face with the reality of they being the illegitimate kids and worst a bastard. I felt that there are a lot of positive view of keeping the baby and being a single mom and I felt I need to present the dark side of being a single mom and being an illegitimate kids, life is usually cruel and there will be no fairy tales ending, but of course, there will be exception in every things.
I am one such kid and my life is definitely not what I read in this thread which is full of love and acceptance. Sometime, I truly wish my mom has taken the courage to abort me then to save me from all these suffering, I would have been very grateful to her and will bear no grudges or hatred to her. When people said don’t abort but have they or the mother ever ask the baby whether that is his wish too, of course, baby cannot answer and the adult take for granted and presumption that it is for the good of the baby but its truly so?
From when I am little, I already aware that I am different from others. I still remember during my primary school, one day, one of my classmate that live on the same block of flat told me that his mother said that I am a bastard and I don’t have a father. I didn’t know what is bastard mean then but I know is a vulgar word used to scold people and I really want to tell him that I have a father but I don’t know how to tell him because my mom never told me about him. I felt so sad and I started to cry. My teacher saw it and asked me what happened but I refuse to tell her because I felt so ashame of myself then. When I went home, I told my mom what happened in school and asked her what is a bastard but my mom didn’t say anything but she told me I need to be strong and protect myself from such people. My mom is always busy with work and I stay with my grandparents, whenever there is any activities in school that involve parents/family, I am always the lonely one and began to hate myself, my mom and my life. I will get into fight in school with whoever teases me and my mom was called to the school. She is very upset and scolded me. I still remember during one of the heated moment, she shout at me that she should have aborted me then. It hurt me deeply because I felt I am an unwanted child and I became worst. People started to say bad things about me and my mom that I am behaving this way because I don’t have a father and I don’t have ‘家教’. My friends became fewer and fewer…When I am in secondary school, I have bf, get pregnant and went for abortion…I tell myself I am not going to be so stupid like my mom to become a single mom, the baby will only suffer like me. I didn’t felt anything about abortion and you should not too. Don’t believe those crap about going to hell and it’s a life, no, why should we care about heaven or hell, who can prove it that they exist, what we should care about is the reality and life now, not some flimsy afterlife consequences. Its definitely not a life, the baby will be grateful to you for not bringing him to this world to suffer, not under such situation and conditions. Don’t let your baby hate you in the future.
About getting someone that can accept you and your kid, it easier said than done. My mom used to have a bf for a year but broke off with her due to his family’s pressure and rejection. He love my mom and is willing to accept my mom and me but ultimately, we are living in a real world, there will be choices have to make, its either us or his family, may be some will said his not worthy for mom or its not true love but I can see that he truly love my mom but the choice is between his parents and us, in life, a lot of time, you cannot have the best of both world, that is the reality. My mom is very sad and it hurt me to see my mom cry and I know I am the problem, why, why, why, I wish I am not born but no one care to spare a thought for me then. As a single mom, you cannot expect to have the type of relationship normal single woman would have and you would have to compromise your ‘standard’ of your partner, its never the same and you are on a different playing field, again, if there is a choice and everything equal (and it will never be equal), a normal and sane guy will go for the single woman, it is the most logical and align with normal human behavior. Please do not have the fancy or unrealistic idea of find a good guy (including his family) that will accept you and your baby whole heartedly, yes, there will be as everything will have exception but the odds are against you. Be realistic, although people said that we are in the 21st century but we are basically still a conservative society, people still have a negative impression or view of single mom or illegitimate kid which is why you seldom see people proudly declare that they are single mom or their kid are illegitimate, everything is hush hush or like some here said by hiding the fact by telling people that the father is not free or working.
You are quite pretty and still very young, you deserve a better future and please don’t let this decision to ruin your life forever, why become a single mom when you have the opportunity to be your usual self again, please think for the baby future, its still not too late to abort.
I wish I have the opportunity to tell my mom all these when she is in your situation 23 yrs ago.
sry to say, but i think just bcos u had a bad childhood due to your mum, doesnt mean every other child out there would.
i think u need counselling.
n i can assure u, 20 yrs later, my daughter wont be typing all these that u hv said, but will be telling everyone, how glad she is tt her mum had brought her to this world.
there r always 2 sides on a coin, just depend on how u see it n how hard u work for it.
n honestly (really), i feel sad for u n what u hv been thru. and also, u hv somehow reminded or highlighted to me, that i shld work even harder to not let my girl ever hv to go thru any single bit tt u had gone thru.
i think u need counselling.
n i can assure u, 20 yrs later, my daughter wont be typing all these that u hv said, but will be telling everyone, how glad she is tt her mum had brought her to this world.
there r always 2 sides on a coin, just depend on how u see it n how hard u work for it.
n honestly (really), i feel sad for u n what u hv been thru. and also, u hv somehow reminded or highlighted to me, that i shld work even harder to not let my girl ever hv to go thru any single bit tt u had gone thru.
miloice
Well-Known Member
I don't think anyone is forcing ideas on SharePoint. It was a decision that she made and with the support of her own mother. Everyone (almost maybe except the avatar) here are offering help and sharing personal experiences. Nothing so wrong about that.
For sure, it is her that is going the face the consequences not anyone else. This holds true regardless her decision is to keep or abortion. Both has its consequences and complications as well. So, that point is plain stupid as if she would be facing consequences of her decision only if she keep the baby. Look at the reasons why she is struggling so much on the decision.
Some people can just abort and move on. Others would find it hard to get over. So, look at the individual context. Not try to apply your own personal context to others.
For sure, it is her that is going the face the consequences not anyone else. This holds true regardless her decision is to keep or abortion. Both has its consequences and complications as well. So, that point is plain stupid as if she would be facing consequences of her decision only if she keep the baby. Look at the reasons why she is struggling so much on the decision.
Some people can just abort and move on. Others would find it hard to get over. So, look at the individual context. Not try to apply your own personal context to others.
clipperjunk
New Member
i think nichie was just making her own experience as a fatherless child heard, just as the many almost perfect stories that have been shared here, mainly through the eyes of third parties...it would be good for anyone who is in this predicament to know that there are varied consequences to making every decision. i see it as a good balance of experiences and sharepoint has to work out the various scenarios in her life....
Outcast,
Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Indeed, many of us would not have anticipated the possible feelings and experiences of our fatherless kids. I really appreciate you sharing your story here becos it highlights to me the plight of my own child.
And I agree, like what you said, that single mothers are on a different playing field altogether when you're out there dating. Any sane and normal man would be looking for single woman (without kids) as partners. That's why single mothers have to be mentally prepared that they might be single for the rest of their lives, for the sake of their kid.
I guess I have to agree that we never thought if the baby wants to live on. Most of us would assume that all babies want a chance at life.
To avoid having experiences like what you've gone thro, I actually let my kid play with her father when she was young, until I felt that it wasn't healthy for her - she started thinking that fathers are people who drop by only on Xmas or CNY to buy toys or new clothes for her. And she constantly felt disturbed and was visibly withdrawn for a week or two after every of his visit. But it did tell her this is what her father looks like and she has a father (no matter how great a bastard he is).
From the moment I conceived her, I told myself I must not give birth to her in hatred, but in love. I would love her for the person she is. I made a promise to myself never to say "I should never give birth to you". I vowed to give her more than the love a pair of parents could give the first time I set my eyes on her.
But it was also becos of her that I was compelled to upgrade myself. Previously, I was contented with an 'A' level cert and the miserable jobs and pay that came with it. But after she came, it dawned upon me that I had another human being to be responsible for and I could not afford to float from one job to another anymore! When opportunities came, I rode on them and went for futher studies. Now my pay is 3.5 times my 'A' level pay. If I didn't have her, where would I be now? Still working as a receptionist or little secretary in some ulu place? Ultimately, her life becomes mine, and she molds me into a different person as well.
It's difficult to be a parent, and more so a single mother. It's difficult to tell anyone that you're a single mother, even to friends. I thought I had a close friend but she had a lower opinion of me when I told her about my single motherhood.
Once again, I appreciate your sharing and find it a really valuable and useful insight to my child's world.
Thanks for sharing your perspective.
Indeed, many of us would not have anticipated the possible feelings and experiences of our fatherless kids. I really appreciate you sharing your story here becos it highlights to me the plight of my own child.
And I agree, like what you said, that single mothers are on a different playing field altogether when you're out there dating. Any sane and normal man would be looking for single woman (without kids) as partners. That's why single mothers have to be mentally prepared that they might be single for the rest of their lives, for the sake of their kid.
I guess I have to agree that we never thought if the baby wants to live on. Most of us would assume that all babies want a chance at life.
To avoid having experiences like what you've gone thro, I actually let my kid play with her father when she was young, until I felt that it wasn't healthy for her - she started thinking that fathers are people who drop by only on Xmas or CNY to buy toys or new clothes for her. And she constantly felt disturbed and was visibly withdrawn for a week or two after every of his visit. But it did tell her this is what her father looks like and she has a father (no matter how great a bastard he is).
From the moment I conceived her, I told myself I must not give birth to her in hatred, but in love. I would love her for the person she is. I made a promise to myself never to say "I should never give birth to you". I vowed to give her more than the love a pair of parents could give the first time I set my eyes on her.
But it was also becos of her that I was compelled to upgrade myself. Previously, I was contented with an 'A' level cert and the miserable jobs and pay that came with it. But after she came, it dawned upon me that I had another human being to be responsible for and I could not afford to float from one job to another anymore! When opportunities came, I rode on them and went for futher studies. Now my pay is 3.5 times my 'A' level pay. If I didn't have her, where would I be now? Still working as a receptionist or little secretary in some ulu place? Ultimately, her life becomes mine, and she molds me into a different person as well.
It's difficult to be a parent, and more so a single mother. It's difficult to tell anyone that you're a single mother, even to friends. I thought I had a close friend but she had a lower opinion of me when I told her about my single motherhood.
Once again, I appreciate your sharing and find it a really valuable and useful insight to my child's world.
Hi shanna and Tuplizz
We should not under estimate a child ability to discern nuance differences that an action, gesture or tone projected. A lot of times, a sentence or tones might sound harmless or normal to others but to a child, it means different things due to their circumstances. I notices from young the different attitude or tones exhibited by my grandparents towards me as compared to their other grandchildren. The way they show their care and happiness whenever they see them is different. Although I stayed with them but we are never close, some how, I always felt that my grandparents don’t like me and they kind of no choice but to take care of me. They seldom brought me out or to play downstairs with other kids, when I pester them to bring me down, they will either said they are not free or give me a black face. As a small kid, I cannot understand their behavior, they said they are not free but they not busy at home either, only when I older that I understand why they don’t want to bring me down. They are afraid of people asking who I am and they felt ashamed of me and my mom. Being a girl made it worst. Whenever, I asked for ice cream or sweets, they will not buy for me but they will willingly but for other grandchildren when they knew they are coming. From young, I have learned to fence for myself and not to expect others to give me anything including love. When the other kids are here, they will play among themselves and I will always sit in a corner watching them. Although some will asked me to play with them but my growing up environment have cast an inferior mindset in me that I would rather suffer myself alone than to play with them because I cannot really relate to them. Those things that they were talking eg movies, holidays, toys etc were sometime alien to me or never heard of, I felt like an outcast and only later in life that I realized I have mature faster than them due to my circumstances. My childhood has a very great impact on my character and attitude towards life, I felt inferior to others but I don’t know how to handle it, thus, sometime I used my fist to prove that I am stronger than them. Due to these, I have walked longer road than others and I still cannot forget till now the suffering and despise that I went through; childhood to me is a total nightmare. I still cry whenever I think of it.
Not matter how bastard the man to you, to the kid, he is her father, her beloved and closet man in this world. I don’t know what my dad had done to my mom until now, she still refuse to talk about him. If I asked her too many time, she will get angry and cry, now, I have learned not to ask inorder to make my mom sad and I just hope that one day she will tell me who is my father. He might already have a family or don’t acknowledge us but I want to know, at least, it’s true that I have a father.
I hope joey really consider hard and again of her decision to keep the baby especially under her situation eg her dad is against it, how about her relatives and friends, we are not living alone in this world, your kid will come in contact with others and the kid might get hurt from others unintentional words or actions, the soul of an illegitimate kid is very fragile and can hurt easily because they don’t understand why and this will have a far stretch influence on his future character. From her picture, she looks so young and she is only 22, she has a whole life ahead of her, does she want to be a single for the rest of her life like my mom? It is a very hard life, believe me, I see how my mom suffer.
Hi, Joey
I have PM you and left a message on your twitter, please reconsider your decision, for you, the child and your family.
We should not under estimate a child ability to discern nuance differences that an action, gesture or tone projected. A lot of times, a sentence or tones might sound harmless or normal to others but to a child, it means different things due to their circumstances. I notices from young the different attitude or tones exhibited by my grandparents towards me as compared to their other grandchildren. The way they show their care and happiness whenever they see them is different. Although I stayed with them but we are never close, some how, I always felt that my grandparents don’t like me and they kind of no choice but to take care of me. They seldom brought me out or to play downstairs with other kids, when I pester them to bring me down, they will either said they are not free or give me a black face. As a small kid, I cannot understand their behavior, they said they are not free but they not busy at home either, only when I older that I understand why they don’t want to bring me down. They are afraid of people asking who I am and they felt ashamed of me and my mom. Being a girl made it worst. Whenever, I asked for ice cream or sweets, they will not buy for me but they will willingly but for other grandchildren when they knew they are coming. From young, I have learned to fence for myself and not to expect others to give me anything including love. When the other kids are here, they will play among themselves and I will always sit in a corner watching them. Although some will asked me to play with them but my growing up environment have cast an inferior mindset in me that I would rather suffer myself alone than to play with them because I cannot really relate to them. Those things that they were talking eg movies, holidays, toys etc were sometime alien to me or never heard of, I felt like an outcast and only later in life that I realized I have mature faster than them due to my circumstances. My childhood has a very great impact on my character and attitude towards life, I felt inferior to others but I don’t know how to handle it, thus, sometime I used my fist to prove that I am stronger than them. Due to these, I have walked longer road than others and I still cannot forget till now the suffering and despise that I went through; childhood to me is a total nightmare. I still cry whenever I think of it.
Not matter how bastard the man to you, to the kid, he is her father, her beloved and closet man in this world. I don’t know what my dad had done to my mom until now, she still refuse to talk about him. If I asked her too many time, she will get angry and cry, now, I have learned not to ask inorder to make my mom sad and I just hope that one day she will tell me who is my father. He might already have a family or don’t acknowledge us but I want to know, at least, it’s true that I have a father.
I hope joey really consider hard and again of her decision to keep the baby especially under her situation eg her dad is against it, how about her relatives and friends, we are not living alone in this world, your kid will come in contact with others and the kid might get hurt from others unintentional words or actions, the soul of an illegitimate kid is very fragile and can hurt easily because they don’t understand why and this will have a far stretch influence on his future character. From her picture, she looks so young and she is only 22, she has a whole life ahead of her, does she want to be a single for the rest of her life like my mom? It is a very hard life, believe me, I see how my mom suffer.
Hi, Joey
I have PM you and left a message on your twitter, please reconsider your decision, for you, the child and your family.
miloice
Well-Known Member
Outcast, I'm not belittling the experience and pain you went through in your life. Without doubt, its difficult, very very difficult. But, everyone have a different and unique life and experience. Whether one chooses to be affected negatively or positively is largely in the hands of the individual.
Your life is ahead of you. It hasn't been written, do you choose to let your past experience haunt you? So much that you are convinced that everyone single parent childhood would be exactly like yours? When you think about your difficult past, does it make you appreciate your life more? Or do you still dwell in your past misery?
Your life is ahead of you. It hasn't been written, do you choose to let your past experience haunt you? So much that you are convinced that everyone single parent childhood would be exactly like yours? When you think about your difficult past, does it make you appreciate your life more? Or do you still dwell in your past misery?
Outcast,
i can understand your childhood. my cousin is an unwed mum too and when my grandmother sees those greatgrandchildren her disdain is palpable. even though they live in the same block, they never visit because they know that they are not welcomed.
but dont let it get to you, though. you are as good as anyone except that you had a more difficult childhood. let it be your source of strength, not weakness
i can understand your childhood. my cousin is an unwed mum too and when my grandmother sees those greatgrandchildren her disdain is palpable. even though they live in the same block, they never visit because they know that they are not welcomed.
but dont let it get to you, though. you are as good as anyone except that you had a more difficult childhood. let it be your source of strength, not weakness
Hi, Milo
I was actually following the thread in silence but felt compelled to write my post because everyone is presenting a false picture to joey. The picture painted is too prefect and beautiful that you will only find it in fairy tales. I have read your other posts and found that you are a responsible contributor but no one seem want to present the true live situation of an illegitimate kid and single mom to her, I guess some single mom also concurr what I have written.
Joey need to understand the real situation and not push into a false situation and make the wrong decision. It is not only her future we are talking about but also the child and her family.
I was actually following the thread in silence but felt compelled to write my post because everyone is presenting a false picture to joey. The picture painted is too prefect and beautiful that you will only find it in fairy tales. I have read your other posts and found that you are a responsible contributor but no one seem want to present the true live situation of an illegitimate kid and single mom to her, I guess some single mom also concurr what I have written.
Joey need to understand the real situation and not push into a false situation and make the wrong decision. It is not only her future we are talking about but also the child and her family.
miloice
Well-Known Member
hi Outcast,
I understand and respect your reasons for your post. My concerns are actually more for you. It seems that you are still very much affected by your childhood experiences. As what May have said, don't let it affect your self-esteem. You are definitely no lesser than anyone else. None of us can choose our parents and family. We can choose to appreciate or resent them. For me, its definitely a privilege and fate to have my parents. They are in no way perfect. We experienced all the drama, violence and stormy fights from young. For sure, as children, we would be affect badly by these trama. But, we have all grown up. Fully able to take care of ourselves and our folks now. Why let it continue to haunt you?
What is more important than just painting the picture in all the various angles, is for SharePoint to be equipped with what is needed to get through her difficulties in her life. There are no perfect solutions for her. No one but her and her unborn child is going face the consequences of her decision now.
From what she has shared, she has been in a pretty 'clean & perfect' upbringing. And we see how that upbringing affecting her. Fearing her parents disappointments etc. And being in all the 'goodness', the entire experience is a huge dent to the world she has been so familiar with. Everything is going to change no matter how she handles it. Life experience cannot be unlearnt. This is the reality she has to live with for the rest of her life.
I understand and respect your reasons for your post. My concerns are actually more for you. It seems that you are still very much affected by your childhood experiences. As what May have said, don't let it affect your self-esteem. You are definitely no lesser than anyone else. None of us can choose our parents and family. We can choose to appreciate or resent them. For me, its definitely a privilege and fate to have my parents. They are in no way perfect. We experienced all the drama, violence and stormy fights from young. For sure, as children, we would be affect badly by these trama. But, we have all grown up. Fully able to take care of ourselves and our folks now. Why let it continue to haunt you?
What is more important than just painting the picture in all the various angles, is for SharePoint to be equipped with what is needed to get through her difficulties in her life. There are no perfect solutions for her. No one but her and her unborn child is going face the consequences of her decision now.
From what she has shared, she has been in a pretty 'clean & perfect' upbringing. And we see how that upbringing affecting her. Fearing her parents disappointments etc. And being in all the 'goodness', the entire experience is a huge dent to the world she has been so familiar with. Everything is going to change no matter how she handles it. Life experience cannot be unlearnt. This is the reality she has to live with for the rest of her life.
sorry to say but no, my girl, isnt treated unfairly in anyway at all. my parents n siblings love her, n even my bf's mum, dote her to bits.
no one is using any tinted glasses to look upon us. well, not of any i know of that is.
my relatives treat her like any other kid in the family. perhaps u might not like what i say but, just bcos u had a bad childhood, doesnt mean everyone would.
perhaps i m lucky that my family n relatives r not so conservative n accept us for who we r n not just bcos im single or my girl is (in your lang) illegimate. IMO, tt's family, they dont use tinted glasses to look upon each other.
u may had a bad childhood, but not every one will end up like u.
sorry to say, im not presenting a false picture to joey, n my life isnt the too perfect n beautiful fairytale that dont exist.
it is true that i hv an amazing daughter, and a family who loves n protects us well, and a bf who accepts n loves me n my daughter as his own.
last but not least, i apologise if this might upset u but just bcos your mum could not give u the happiness n childhood u deserved, do not mean that joey n me n the other single mums out there arent not capable of doing so.
and uhhh, one thing is, for frens who know im single, dun really care. for those who dont know im a single mum, they wont know my girl is the child of one, cos she does hv a daddy n we're getting married soon enough. so, im very sure when she starts sch n stuff, no kids will go arnd mouthing her as a illegimate kid cos no one will think tt way.
i do hope u stop injecting negativity into joey's mind n let her understand n know there is hope if she has faith.
no one is using any tinted glasses to look upon us. well, not of any i know of that is.
my relatives treat her like any other kid in the family. perhaps u might not like what i say but, just bcos u had a bad childhood, doesnt mean everyone would.
perhaps i m lucky that my family n relatives r not so conservative n accept us for who we r n not just bcos im single or my girl is (in your lang) illegimate. IMO, tt's family, they dont use tinted glasses to look upon each other.
u may had a bad childhood, but not every one will end up like u.
sorry to say, im not presenting a false picture to joey, n my life isnt the too perfect n beautiful fairytale that dont exist.
it is true that i hv an amazing daughter, and a family who loves n protects us well, and a bf who accepts n loves me n my daughter as his own.
last but not least, i apologise if this might upset u but just bcos your mum could not give u the happiness n childhood u deserved, do not mean that joey n me n the other single mums out there arent not capable of doing so.
and uhhh, one thing is, for frens who know im single, dun really care. for those who dont know im a single mum, they wont know my girl is the child of one, cos she does hv a daddy n we're getting married soon enough. so, im very sure when she starts sch n stuff, no kids will go arnd mouthing her as a illegimate kid cos no one will think tt way.
i do hope u stop injecting negativity into joey's mind n let her understand n know there is hope if she has faith.
miloice
Well-Known Member
No one can anticipate exactly what will be the outcome for SharePoint. For sure, there will be a variety of opinions.
All are pretty probable outcomes. And she might likely encounter things none here have anticipated. Why are we trying so hard to predict for her the outcome? We simply cannot. What is in her control is how positively or negatively she take the issues that is going to come. Bear in mind, all the references and personal usecases you are sharing are all real life situations. None are from any fairytale story book. So, there is really no need to discredit one another.
SharePoint needs to learn to accept and realize there is no perfect plan in life to follow. When shit happens, we learn how to deal with it. You can do it positively or be miserable and sorrowful for your own plight.
All are pretty probable outcomes. And she might likely encounter things none here have anticipated. Why are we trying so hard to predict for her the outcome? We simply cannot. What is in her control is how positively or negatively she take the issues that is going to come. Bear in mind, all the references and personal usecases you are sharing are all real life situations. None are from any fairytale story book. So, there is really no need to discredit one another.
SharePoint needs to learn to accept and realize there is no perfect plan in life to follow. When shit happens, we learn how to deal with it. You can do it positively or be miserable and sorrowful for your own plight.
agree with Shanna
and maybe Outcast have not met others whom are also from a single parent family and grew up happily and normal like any others?
I do know a few and they appreciate their moms alot as they knows it's hard on their moms..
we are not painting a rosy picture to joey.. this is what we are going through and it is the truth..
my best friend's mom was a single mother too.. she raised him single-handedly with the support of her family member.. she wen from being a cashier at SOGO 20 years ago to having her own Auditing Firm now.. Married a supportive hubby more than 10 years ago too..
No one says it's going to be an easy path, but it's not an impossible route too.. pls don't let your bitter past keeps haunting your future..
and maybe Outcast have not met others whom are also from a single parent family and grew up happily and normal like any others?
I do know a few and they appreciate their moms alot as they knows it's hard on their moms..
we are not painting a rosy picture to joey.. this is what we are going through and it is the truth..
my best friend's mom was a single mother too.. she raised him single-handedly with the support of her family member.. she wen from being a cashier at SOGO 20 years ago to having her own Auditing Firm now.. Married a supportive hubby more than 10 years ago too..
No one says it's going to be an easy path, but it's not an impossible route too.. pls don't let your bitter past keeps haunting your future..
hi guys,
just to share. There is actually this support group for single parents and their kids, at HELP FSC. This family service centre focuses their work mainly on single parenthood and support, so they have forums, group activities, discussions, workshops etc. There is also this rainbows program for kids, where issues of having only 1 parent (or divorced parents) are discussed. As a support group, these kids and adults help one another with their single parenthood, so it's quite affirming and stuff. So if you need to, can go and find out more la
They are at AMK, and this is their website
http://www.helpfsc.org.sg/
Hope this helps!
just to share. There is actually this support group for single parents and their kids, at HELP FSC. This family service centre focuses their work mainly on single parenthood and support, so they have forums, group activities, discussions, workshops etc. There is also this rainbows program for kids, where issues of having only 1 parent (or divorced parents) are discussed. As a support group, these kids and adults help one another with their single parenthood, so it's quite affirming and stuff. So if you need to, can go and find out more la
They are at AMK, and this is their website
http://www.helpfsc.org.sg/
Hope this helps!
Hi, Shanna and Rem
I have no intention to offence anyone and truely wish you and your child well. I am not trying to inject any negative thoughts into joey but she has mentioned these issues before and I think it is only right that we present her the full picture. I just don't want her child or her to go through what I and my mom has gone through before, I have only the good intention and nothing evil. In life, there ia always a particular decision that we made that will effect the course of our life and I think hers is now. Doesn't she deserve more rounded information and make an informed decision?
I have no intention to offence anyone and truely wish you and your child well. I am not trying to inject any negative thoughts into joey but she has mentioned these issues before and I think it is only right that we present her the full picture. I just don't want her child or her to go through what I and my mom has gone through before, I have only the good intention and nothing evil. In life, there ia always a particular decision that we made that will effect the course of our life and I think hers is now. Doesn't she deserve more rounded information and make an informed decision?
We can only share our experiences.. and we can't put TS through our experiences. There is no right or wrong.
However, I am more of an optimist.. nothing is impossible and it is always possible to let go (even for an abused single child with not much love) and find happiness.
But of course we can't deny the effects on the environment on the growing children. All the more, we must be positive and lead them to happiness instead of staying in the vicious cycle.
However, I am more of an optimist.. nothing is impossible and it is always possible to let go (even for an abused single child with not much love) and find happiness.
But of course we can't deny the effects on the environment on the growing children. All the more, we must be positive and lead them to happiness instead of staying in the vicious cycle.
sharepoint
Member
Hi, all
Thanks, Outcast, I have received your message and I am grateful to all for sharing your advice and experiences.
Yes, the psychological effect on the child as an illegitimate child and my future as a single mom are some on the concerns that I have, of course, no one will know their future, it can be bad and it can be good (like Shanna and Rem), we are making our decision based on our bet and belief that things will turn out fine, if not, I guess that is our fate. Yes, the discrimination that my family and me that might go through is another concern, not so much for me but my parents, I really don’t want them to go through this humiliation just because of my problem, can I be so selfish? In my mind, I would like to have a heart-to-heart talk with my dad, sooner or later, I would really like to seek his forgiveness and his thoughts on all these, things cannot go on like that, I hate the atmosphere in the house now. Do you all think it is a good idea? Alone or with my mom? I need to hear from him personally how he views the whole incident and his opinion on my decision, I guess I cannot act like ostrich and rely on my mom forever. I want to rebuild my relationship with him asap. If the indication from him is positive, even it’s very subtle, I will have more confident in my choice of keeping the baby and will give me a peace of mind. I don’t want to be like Milo to reconcile with his dad only after 10 years and to forgive only after his death. No, I don’t want my dad to hate me for 10 years and I don’t want to live in the same house with him under such condition, it’s a torture for me and for my child, what type of family are we giving to the child? I don’t want my child to know that he is not welcome in the family once he is born. I am not a strong gal, I love my family and I only wish my parents will be happy for the rest of their life….I don’t want them to have any regret in life….definitely not because of me….I know there are no perfect solution…
My bf…he is another headache for me…I know people have been telling me to ignore him for now but he is calling everyday and I know sooner or later I will have to tell him the truth. We met last Sunday and he was really mad after I told him the fact….he kept shouting at me whether I am crazy or mad, how can I dare to do this behind his back, do I know what I am doing, why I am doing this to him, am I trying to use the baby to threaten him to marry me, am I trying to shame him….he kept going on and on…at one time…he grab my arms so tightly that I was in pain….I was afraid he might hit me under his anger….I was shocked and sad…who is this guy that I have know for 3 years…he didn’t even give me a chance to talk and explain…after he calm down…he told me that I definitely cannot keep the baby and demanded me to abort it….i told him I am not using the baby to threaten him or marry me…even he don’t want to acknowledge him its ok with me although I still hope at least he acknowledge the child to let the child know he is not a fatherless child. No, he don’t even want to grant such a small wish and told me I cannot make the decision whether to keep the baby by myself….he has the right too…and he don’t want the baby…I told him my family already know this fact….but he said he don’t care….I cannot keep the baby means cannot keep…..I asked….so what I want to keep…is he going to kill me...he just keep quiet…after some time…I asked…does this means the end of our relationship….from now and forever….he said no but I have to abort the baby…whatever l told him…he just don’t want to listen and accept unless I do what he want….I went home disappointed because I thought after one month for him to calm down and the impression that I have abort the baby and knowing how it hurts me will make him ponder over his actions or attitude….but no…he never change and getting worst…
At night, I was surprised to receive his call telling me that he is outside my condo and wanted to see me. I went down and he apologised for his behaviour earlier. He told me he love me and he proposed that he will marry me as in going for ROM now if I agree to abort the baby….he told me this is to prove his love to me and his commitment to our relationship incase I still have any doubt about him…I asked if he is willing to marry me why he cant accept the baby….he said having a baby now is not in his plan and told me we can have many babies in the future if we want….why the hurry…I told him my mom might not agreed to it…..he told me if I am agreeable to the proposal my mom will have no problem…I told him to talk to my mom together but he don’t want, not until I agree to his proposal…I told him I don’t know…I cannot give him an answer now…..he agreed to let me have a week time to consider and talk to my mom…is he sincere about it?
You know…I begin to get sick of my life…everyone want me to make a choice…and no matter which choice I make…I am damn…again…I need to clean up the shxt…I know its my fault….but…I felt so tired from my work and this whole event….I just want to get it over asap.
Thanks, Outcast, I have received your message and I am grateful to all for sharing your advice and experiences.
Yes, the psychological effect on the child as an illegitimate child and my future as a single mom are some on the concerns that I have, of course, no one will know their future, it can be bad and it can be good (like Shanna and Rem), we are making our decision based on our bet and belief that things will turn out fine, if not, I guess that is our fate. Yes, the discrimination that my family and me that might go through is another concern, not so much for me but my parents, I really don’t want them to go through this humiliation just because of my problem, can I be so selfish? In my mind, I would like to have a heart-to-heart talk with my dad, sooner or later, I would really like to seek his forgiveness and his thoughts on all these, things cannot go on like that, I hate the atmosphere in the house now. Do you all think it is a good idea? Alone or with my mom? I need to hear from him personally how he views the whole incident and his opinion on my decision, I guess I cannot act like ostrich and rely on my mom forever. I want to rebuild my relationship with him asap. If the indication from him is positive, even it’s very subtle, I will have more confident in my choice of keeping the baby and will give me a peace of mind. I don’t want to be like Milo to reconcile with his dad only after 10 years and to forgive only after his death. No, I don’t want my dad to hate me for 10 years and I don’t want to live in the same house with him under such condition, it’s a torture for me and for my child, what type of family are we giving to the child? I don’t want my child to know that he is not welcome in the family once he is born. I am not a strong gal, I love my family and I only wish my parents will be happy for the rest of their life….I don’t want them to have any regret in life….definitely not because of me….I know there are no perfect solution…
My bf…he is another headache for me…I know people have been telling me to ignore him for now but he is calling everyday and I know sooner or later I will have to tell him the truth. We met last Sunday and he was really mad after I told him the fact….he kept shouting at me whether I am crazy or mad, how can I dare to do this behind his back, do I know what I am doing, why I am doing this to him, am I trying to use the baby to threaten him to marry me, am I trying to shame him….he kept going on and on…at one time…he grab my arms so tightly that I was in pain….I was afraid he might hit me under his anger….I was shocked and sad…who is this guy that I have know for 3 years…he didn’t even give me a chance to talk and explain…after he calm down…he told me that I definitely cannot keep the baby and demanded me to abort it….i told him I am not using the baby to threaten him or marry me…even he don’t want to acknowledge him its ok with me although I still hope at least he acknowledge the child to let the child know he is not a fatherless child. No, he don’t even want to grant such a small wish and told me I cannot make the decision whether to keep the baby by myself….he has the right too…and he don’t want the baby…I told him my family already know this fact….but he said he don’t care….I cannot keep the baby means cannot keep…..I asked….so what I want to keep…is he going to kill me...he just keep quiet…after some time…I asked…does this means the end of our relationship….from now and forever….he said no but I have to abort the baby…whatever l told him…he just don’t want to listen and accept unless I do what he want….I went home disappointed because I thought after one month for him to calm down and the impression that I have abort the baby and knowing how it hurts me will make him ponder over his actions or attitude….but no…he never change and getting worst…
At night, I was surprised to receive his call telling me that he is outside my condo and wanted to see me. I went down and he apologised for his behaviour earlier. He told me he love me and he proposed that he will marry me as in going for ROM now if I agree to abort the baby….he told me this is to prove his love to me and his commitment to our relationship incase I still have any doubt about him…I asked if he is willing to marry me why he cant accept the baby….he said having a baby now is not in his plan and told me we can have many babies in the future if we want….why the hurry…I told him my mom might not agreed to it…..he told me if I am agreeable to the proposal my mom will have no problem…I told him to talk to my mom together but he don’t want, not until I agree to his proposal…I told him I don’t know…I cannot give him an answer now…..he agreed to let me have a week time to consider and talk to my mom…is he sincere about it?
You know…I begin to get sick of my life…everyone want me to make a choice…and no matter which choice I make…I am damn…again…I need to clean up the shxt…I know its my fault….but…I felt so tired from my work and this whole event….I just want to get it over asap.
So... you never listen... and you really never prepared yourself as I told you.
LOL~
Low IQ people... ...
But I am beginning to be worried... You cannot have such low moral from now on.
Sharepoint, time for you to seek help. Get a counsellor asap. Stop coming to this forum... These smart-alec assholes can 'kill'.
I told you already, before you deliver NEVER tell your fake christian boy boy...
You know what will happen next, Sharepoint?
Stay away from this forum! Stay away!!!
LOL~
Low IQ people... ...
But I am beginning to be worried... You cannot have such low moral from now on.
Sharepoint, time for you to seek help. Get a counsellor asap. Stop coming to this forum... These smart-alec assholes can 'kill'.
I told you already, before you deliver NEVER tell your fake christian boy boy...
You know what will happen next, Sharepoint?
Stay away from this forum! Stay away!!!
miloice
Well-Known Member
Sharepoint, take the break that u need so badly. go on leave to sort out your thoughts and refresh yourself. I would strongly discourage your idea of confronting your dad directly. Rebuilding the relationship isn't overnight. Start with showing your concerns for him in small ways and expect to be ignored. He is probably not going to show u any appreciation but this doesn't mean he is really unfeeling. Until a time when u can sense him softening. Take that right moment to talk to him.
About your bf, I would suggest to leave him out of the picture. Make your decision not for anyone else. Not your dad... Not your bf. It's your life. U will face the conseqences more than anyone else. You r not selfish, if u were, you would have just gotten rid of it without issues. It's just that there is no perfect solutions for. Either way, you and your family is going to be affected one way of another.
No one can rush your decision... Only your unborn can as he is continuing to grow in you. Soon, that decision to abort will no longer available eventually. That is where you emphasis should be. To really decide on what u want and dun waiver anymore after that or u will be in no condition to cope with what's ahead for you.
About your bf, I would suggest to leave him out of the picture. Make your decision not for anyone else. Not your dad... Not your bf. It's your life. U will face the conseqences more than anyone else. You r not selfish, if u were, you would have just gotten rid of it without issues. It's just that there is no perfect solutions for. Either way, you and your family is going to be affected one way of another.
No one can rush your decision... Only your unborn can as he is continuing to grow in you. Soon, that decision to abort will no longer available eventually. That is where you emphasis should be. To really decide on what u want and dun waiver anymore after that or u will be in no condition to cope with what's ahead for you.
sharepoint
Member
Hi, Milo
I am not confronting him but to seek his forgiveness and may be he would like to open up to me and we can have a good chat...yes..I dont know how to handle this situation...but if I dont make the first move...willl his hatred grow deeper...I only wish to let him know that I care about him and his feeling....am how sorry am I that things turn out this way...I am not even hoping that our relationship will return to normal but at least I can see it improving...you have your problem with your parents and I guess you understand the feeling of home then..a home is not a home anymore...ever since this event..I always felt relax when I have to travel abroad for work and away from home...i dread the day that i need to go home...back to reality...the usual home sweet home is gone forever...i know i still have my mom and bro...but it is not the same anymore...you understand?
My bf...can I really leave him out of this...he is calling me everyday before he know the truth..and now worst...calling every now and then to ask me my decision...I can sense he is getting very frustrated when he knew i have yet to discuss with my mom...i was hoping that even he dont agree to it but at least we can maintain certain relationship so that the child will get to know his father in future...everyone is seem to be connected and i have to juggle it carefully..now he is giving me this choice again..kind of like one problem after another...yes..i am tired...thank you
I am not confronting him but to seek his forgiveness and may be he would like to open up to me and we can have a good chat...yes..I dont know how to handle this situation...but if I dont make the first move...willl his hatred grow deeper...I only wish to let him know that I care about him and his feeling....am how sorry am I that things turn out this way...I am not even hoping that our relationship will return to normal but at least I can see it improving...you have your problem with your parents and I guess you understand the feeling of home then..a home is not a home anymore...ever since this event..I always felt relax when I have to travel abroad for work and away from home...i dread the day that i need to go home...back to reality...the usual home sweet home is gone forever...i know i still have my mom and bro...but it is not the same anymore...you understand?
My bf...can I really leave him out of this...he is calling me everyday before he know the truth..and now worst...calling every now and then to ask me my decision...I can sense he is getting very frustrated when he knew i have yet to discuss with my mom...i was hoping that even he dont agree to it but at least we can maintain certain relationship so that the child will get to know his father in future...everyone is seem to be connected and i have to juggle it carefully..now he is giving me this choice again..kind of like one problem after another...yes..i am tired...thank you
miloice
Well-Known Member
Sharepoint... It will as good as a confrontation to speak to someone when they are not in the right state of mind to be receptive to you. You will probably be stung and him unable to appreciate your good intentions. It's as good as preventing him from going back to his cave. You need to create that opportunity and right moment. Soften his heart. Dun be impatient. Yes, u need to speak to him. Prepare him for it.