Sharepoint, i was in the same situation as you before.. i was 25 and he was still studying and i noe i can't hurt my parents and my family. What your boyfren told you as not to humanized the fetus is not that he is unhuman or uncaring, this is bcos to him, you are more impt and he bonded with you longer than the fetus. So to my boyfren in my case he oso told me the same thing..
I made the decision not to keep it as I selfishly decided that i can't raise it with all the love and material needs it required at that moment.I didn't want my family to go through this 'pain'. I wanted to save 'face' hence i aborted. i thought about lessening the gulit by giving up for adoption then leads to my question of where to hide for the 9mths?? then in the end the same conclusion if i dun hide then might as well let my family noes then might as well marry y need to give it up..
I did not go about researching like wat doLL and Rem did.. too gulity to research.. even till now i really dun wan to know...
I just pray that it is better for the baby to be in heaven then here... So is really your decision.. my bf was with me the day i went to the clinic and i think he was tooo suffering outside while i'm inside.. i guess he don't have it easier too..
Rem, it's good that you have shared your story, so that women who are inspired could take a leaf out of your book. I applaud you for taking the path less travelled but there will be people whom when landed in the same situation, will choose a different path.
HWZ, especially EDMW is not a place to be taken seriously. out of 100% they posted, only 10% can be noted, the remaining 90% can be filtered away. everyone is just there to talk cock sing song. it's just the culture there.
I am here only because of the relevance of my research. But thank God I am here... LOL~ I no need popularity, and... I ain't fit in with bengs and lianz and those money-crazy IT jokers there... I am too decent for them, ie. LOL~
Nobody believes in true love nowadays... This forum has become some sort of personal entertainment. We won't be on the same frequencies with those HWZ folks.
Look at that POPULAR blogger at STOMP, happy happy fvcked and pregnant twice... I am actually pretty conservative. Those gangsters will only mock and do psychopathical-laugh-talk-to-themselves...
May, it's not dreamy... there is such a guy, there must be such a girl. And there is such a beautiful romance story possible and waiting if I don't stop searching.
Don't try to be sarcastic, May. You know I am too decent for "Hey, got chio bus bo~" or "Waliao, that **** like fvck-able, how to do her?" or "KNN, I see that chio and her friend everyday, you got photo bo?".
Waliaoz... Come on. I type their 'way of thinking' I also laughing typing. LOL~ I'd have patronised discos and pubs if I want to be associated with those bengs and lianz... ...
I can't tahan lowly civilised people. Althought it's still sex, it's still 'chio bus', but I expect some class, some decency... Some seriousness in handling women (from a man's position);not some smart-alec "How to fish this type of chio bus?", "How to get one-night-stand?"...
"Any horny free-lance..."
What fvck are all those???
Sorry to those from HWZ here... Grow up. And yeah, I feel pitiful for that POPULAR blogger also that local fvcking media made news of her. So terrible... bad influence, and which guys decent enough will want such 'chicks'?
sharepoint, why u did not talk to ur mom? my cousin also got pregnant at 16 years old, yet she has the courage to keep the baby and told her mom, her mom supported her and loves the baby so much....(although in her case she married her bf eventually), but her husband left her after 2 years and during that time her mom fed her and her baby (until now). .now the baby is now 10 years old and they live happily...although at the end my cousin divorced her husband bcoz of many problems, but my cousin really loves her child and vice versa......
I admired her for keeping the child
I still believe that if ur going to abort u are doing something really2 bad!!! it's a big big sin!! you're a murderer! why u dont hv the courage to talk to ur parents???? even if they angry they will not let u down i beleive!!! my advice is , try to talk to ur parents and see what they said.....!! They will b able to help u! DOnt regret it in the future!
I don't usually go to any place when one corner of it is poor taste.
One cannot pretend to be classic, and those 'humor' over there is just... LOL~ I don't know why people find them humorous.
I talked to a German embassy chap years ago, he was humorous, and nothing about chio bus or vulgarities and those crazy tasteless thinking or what resembling Singlish funny slangs. But locals find such humorous... as low class as those 'humor' found in Jack Neo's movies.
Jack Neo himself is poor taste, anyway.
But locals suck after such poor taste... It's really ridiculous a phenomenon to me. LOL~
regardless the decision to abort or keep...the support of family and closed one is very important - especially the period after your abortion. I hope you don't go down this path but the decision is yours to make.
You have already a bad dream and probably fee guilty. honestly, to have a baby at your age is tough but not impossible. Why don't you break the news to your family. Maybe they will blow up and sorts but after a while, they will still stand by you. Blood is thicker than water.
Both of you still young and running away from responsibility is what your bf is doing. Perhaps he feels scared as well. But then, if he is not willing to grow up and face the reality of his folly, there is nothing you can do. its not rape and the reality is that, he can just shrug his shoulders and f**k off.
Whichever decision you choose or make, have your friends and family support - very important. It will help you tremendously over the immediate period after the ops (if you choose the abort), or during your pregnancy or childbirth.
Don't for one minute fear the sterotype or stigma - we are in the 21 century. People are getting used to single parent. Personally i think single-parent are tougher and deserve more recognition but sadly the society is not doing enough for the moment. But slowly and surely we are coming to it...chins up.
I am sorry for not replying or responding promptly as I was busy with works and not feeling very well today, I felt like vomiting sometime, I guess is the morning sickness but I thought not all pregnant women will get it. It is kind of embarrassing especially having lunch with colleagues and I tried to avoid eating in now to avoid such thing happening in front of my mom. I get such reflexes even seeing some of my favorite foods that my mom cooked, so I tried working late or window shopping to avoid going home early.
Seriously, although I have read from newspaper that there are more than ten thousands cases of abortion every year and occasionally read articles about single mother (especially have problem with getting houses) but in real life, among my friends and relatives, I have met none, of course, some might have aborted before but hided it from others. I didnâ€™t realize that people nowadays are so open to such stuffs and are quite common in this forum. Rem, I admire your courage and determination to become a single mother and now have a cute little gal. I wish I am as strong as you, I am just a student munching my exam last year and to think I might be a mother of a child now, it is a tremendous change of role and responsibilities for me, for me, I cannot overcome the barrier, how am I going to cope with life? I was brought up in a traditional Chinese Christian family, from young, my parents are very strict with me, they sent me to a gals school and always remind me that my job is to study hard and not to be distracted by other things especially BGRâ€¦.so â€¦I donâ€™t have to do anything beside studyâ€¦other things else re handle either by my mom or the maid. I have not had a bf throughout my secondary school although some boys that I met through other functions did called but nothing really happens due to my parents. I tried my best to be what my parents want me to beâ€¦a gal with intelligence, knowledge and virtueâ€¦I know they frown on gals that have pre-marital sex or worst pregnant and abortionâ€¦â€¦.my dad ever comments on one of his colleagueâ€™s daughter being pregnant and become a single momâ€¦.i know he really despise on such people/actionâ€¦no offence to others but that is just he is brought upâ€¦.he did directly or indirectly hinted that he will disown anyone who did that in his family thenâ€¦..i remembered that. Now I am those gals that they despised, I felt so shameful and I know I will break their hearts if I told themâ€¦â€¦and worstâ€¦..i might lose my family. Parentâ€™s dignities, familyâ€™s honor and love, and the baby, which is more important?
I went to JC and met my bf, he is my senior, he is 23 and still in U. I agreed to be his gf because I found him to be a sincere and decent guy who is not like others that just want to have fun and flirt around type. Of course he is also fun loving and outgoing and more importantly, he is also from a Christian family. He too is from a boy school. We only get serious when I went to U and him to NS. Although I am not sure whether my parents knew that I have a bf but I guess they are more relax now that I am in U. We never engaged in sex during our courtship because I believe in leaving it to my wedding night (very old fashion thinking, rite?) and he never insist when I stop him. That, I respect him. That night, itâ€™s his birthday and he suggested celebrating in his hostel since he is also preparing for an activity tomorrow. I kind of hesitated because I knew he has a roommate but he told me that his roommate has went back to MY for the weekend. So I went to meet him. I brought the cake and he has prepared some beers. I seldom drink beer and not good at it but not to spoil his mood, I drank with him. May be is the alcohol and we kind of lost ourselves, the rest is history. I bleed and he was kind of nervous and surprise, said: â€˜You are bleeding?!â€™ Well, I was kind of angry, why is he so surprise, does he always thought that I have it before? I asked him is it his first tooâ€¦..he said yes. My sixth sense told me that he is telling the truth and from the way he did it. Do I regret doing it? If not for the baby, no, because I truly love him but may be alittle that I did not hold it till the wedding night.
Someone mentioned true love, what is actually true love? I believe true love is standing by your loved one in time of needs and blazing a trail together through obstacles in life, itâ€™s only through this process that we can see the true character of a person and the strength of a relationship. Disappointedly, I think ours have failed the test miserably, not only him, me too. We just thinking of getting rid of the fetus and pretend that nothing had happened before. But can I really pretend that nothing has happened? No, I know life will never be the same for me again, the guilt will be forever with me. I did not choose to abort to stay with him, most probably our relationship will not survive this abortion, I will always remember the time when I needed him most but he failed to step forward. He is not really a bad guy, everyone has his flaws, I was hoping that he will step into my shoe and feel for me for a change. Yes, I have a choice but may be my love for the baby is not strong enough for me to sacrifice everything including my family and future to be with him, I know I am selfish and so much for a motherâ€™s love, I hate myself. He SMSed me yesterday again to say he love me and wanted to be with meâ€¦.but he still cannot accept the baby. I never replied him as I agreed with some of the forumers that what good will come out if he is forced to accept the baby, probably he will hate the baby forever and put a strain on our relationship. True love will find a way? It since like mine is leading me to no way or I never have it before to speak withâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦
I did not have that dream againâ€¦â€¦is it I am in peace with myself after making my decision or the baby has given up hope and left this lousy mother foreverâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦
I have made an appointment next week and I will be seeing my baby on ultrasound for the first and the last time.
Sharepoint, love means different things at different phases of our lives. When younger, its about the explosive passion and sparks. As one move on, it becomes a much more 2 ways relationship. The line between comfort, love and bond merges. In fact, this is the kind of love that would stablize and mature with the couple. Its no longer the romeo and juliet stuffs anymore. These are only the initial sparks we are bound to get with anyone we are attracted to.
For me, the love is something unique and wonderful between the couple. It is something cherished and protected. This comes with constant commitments and renewed inspirations. This is the reason why the relationship can be sustained through adversities. Because, its something so wonderful and valuable to the couple.
Silly woman... Pretty cunning boyfriend you got there. LOL~
You cannot tell a man if he is a flirt or decent 'like that'. LOL~ So what he's a Christian. Jack Neo is also a Catholic (somemore!) and he is a Major in NS (heard so)!
Woman's sixth sense is like me throwing a dart to pick stocks.
You... should try to get disowned, you know that? You are Christian doesn't mean God will disown you for having a baby like that. Men come from all walks of fvck... If your father does love you truly, you shalt be forgiven.
It's not a shame. It's just about imperfection, and no one is perfect. You made some mistakes here and there... you rejected guys who could be better and took a jerk. He's a Christian, and he broke his own fvck code... that shows.
If you believe in Christianity, if you think you sinned, you'd sin more by abortion... If you already have prepared to sin and abort... then everything about religious and family issues is just an excuse for your own folly, your indecisiveness, your selfishness and your desire to just take the short cut and hopefully things will be back to normal.
Let me tell you this, Joey...
If you had sex like that, you'd likely to be having sex again... and you'd be pregnant again. Then how? You belong to those brainless women who just want to run away when things go wrong.
How are you to face my good old friend, Mr God, if you choose to believe that louya fake-Christian boyfriend of yours love you more than your silly and judgemental father? If your father will disown you, your fake-christian boyfriend will abort you.
Use your fvcking brain... God gives you this baby to smack your father awake. LOL~
No offence. Mortals...
Your hormones are changing, you won't make a rational decision now. I am sad for the baby... You definitely can have it, yet you are giving up. And there is government giving taxpayers' money for your sexual experience as well...
Your fake-christian boyfriend is not a bad guy... he's just a jerk. LOL~ Did his God tell him to fvck you so that you can send your baby to hell... and if you don't, he'd leave you? LOL~
Is this Christianity? LOL~ Sorry, I am not trying to be religious here. I find you damn silly.
Nobody believes in true love anymore... but that's the one key to open the gates to heaven.
Trust me, if you are so silly and you don't understand true love... You are wasting your time going to face God. LOL~
Don't have sex without true love. This guy's 'true love' is no more than his puny future... just like those crazy women's true love is no more than the other women... LOL~
If u had a child and your child was pregnant would you rather your child go thru that abortion alone? No matter how upset it parents are initially wont they be more hurt not to know? Unless you are not close to them and face is that impt. Being Christian I'm sure they will forgive and give you the support you need.
As for your bf... Together in a room over night giving you alcohol when he knows you can't drink. Sounds part of a plan. But it's ok mistakes happen(ed). Don't let religion be cotton wool over your eyes. See things for what they really are.
You got pregnant but that is already history. Now you have to decide what to do with the baby. Regardless of the guilt you may feel but if you are not ready for the baby - emotionally, physically and financially, you are not ready.
And if your family is not supportive of you - even knowing that you are pregnant is going to scare them.. they are probably not supportive of you keeping the baby...
It is a tough choice.
If you are my daughter, I would leave it to you to decide.. If you keep the baby, I will help to support it. If you want to abort, I will be there as well.
The easier way out is to abort it. It is of course not a decision that anyone can tell you. I have seen and known many girls having abortion in their late teens or early 20s.. and they ended up marrying and having babies later in their lives and are happy with it.
Of course I have also seen (much less) girls who gave birth and be a single mother. Normally these will at least have a supportive family.. if not parents at least friends and/or sisters.
There is another option to give birth and then give up for adoption... but it is not going to be easy if your family is against it. These many months of pregnancy will be hell.... and after giving birth, it will be painful to give it away.
Looking at your background and the family you have - especially your father.. it is best that you abort the baby. I don't normally want to give such advice but at least after the abortion you can start all over again.
But please, from now onwards.. have protected sex at all times.. don't be silly and take the risk unless you really want to be pregnant.
if u have decided to abort the foetus, please go to some psychological help for closure...something to help you let go peacefully and wholeheartedly. Some people will abort the baby, but keep holding on to the thought of the baby inside, causing them to feel extreme guilt and possibly a breakdown in the future.
Life isn't about perfection. Take care. You need all the rest to recover. Its very important to have a full recovery if you would like to be a mother in future. Don't let complications affect your future.
sharepoint, i feel for you. your family is conservative Christian and attach stigma to single mums. you have it harder than families who do not hold onto such strong religious beliefs.
when we are young, because of lack of exposure, we end up doing stupid things. when i was your age, i ended up marrying the wrong guy (not shotgun, just too naive).
if only i had a very wise mentor who can step in to guide me to something better. for you, if only you had positive role model to inform you the ways of a virile young man, so that you would not have been exploited. he slaughtered you like a lamb, and you could still say, "Do I regret doing it? If not for the baby, no, because I truly love him but may be alittle that I did not hold it till the wedding night."
it shows that even after what happened you still have that naivete in you, are you self-aware?
if only parents are less shy about the birds-&-the-bees issue, are address it to their children. if only your strict and stern dad has addressed this issue gently, clearly and patiently, so that you will be mentally prepared for unforeseen temptations. then we will have less cases like this. if only.
sharepoint, i didnt really read your past posts, but just to share, im a single mum myself. well, i was young n stupid n of cos made tt silly mistake(of unprotected sex).
i had my girl 3 yrs ago when i was 20 (preg at 19). to cut short, well, my ex wanted this child, but he didnt work hard for us or anything. after my girl was born, he wasn't really interested in her. just more into his silly games n tv n slping. DUH.
i thank god (no, im not christian or whatsoever) that i made the decision not to marry him though he n his mum keep trying to persuade me to. my parents, wanted me to go for abortion, but stil i insisted not to.
i know i wanted this baby. and i will do what it takes to keep her.
nvr once in my life, i regretted having this child. she brought laughter n endless joy, not only to me, but to the ppl arnd me. even my elder sister, who "hated" me thruout my pregnancy n even after my girl was born now love her so much.
many ppl asked, hv i ever pictured my future w/o my girl? would i hv let a better life? i can tell u, no, i hv nvr pictured or thought abt it b4. but bcos of her, i grew up n become wiser n see things further.
becos of her,i suddenly hv a goal in my life. i know why i was working hard, n i know why i shld work hard. b4 that, i wondered, why the hell m i in this world?
yeah there r many ppl who r bias-ed against single mums, that's something which has to change. there is nth wrong in being a single mum, most of the times, its the guys who doesnt want the kid. its nth to be proud of, but nth to be ashamed of.
pls rmb that, your child isnt the mistake. the mistake is the action u n your bf did. which is, unprotected sex. if u dont wanna hv a child, well, use a bleddy condom, but it isnt 100% safe either, so the most n only efficient way is to not hv sex.
i read this article once, n it hit me hardly with this sentence: WHO R U TO DECIDE WHETHER YOUR CHILD LIVES OR DIE? yes, u r the one being preg with your child, but who gives u the right to end your child's life? well, it isnt your life. be fair to the little life in u.
abortion is not the only option, there is still, ADOPTION.
do u know by the 5th week the baby will hv a heartbeat alr? n by the 6th week, limbs n internal organs alr starting to form in a quick speed? YES, your baby isnt just a bunch of cells, its ALIVE and kicking (in a couple more mths, literally.)
abortion= murder, enough said.
and no,u will be haunted by this fact that u killed your own flesh n blood. i known of a girl (my friend's friend) who aborted, end up depression n almost killed herself. another one, she couldnt hv kids ANYMORE after she aborted her first baby n she can only live in regrets.
abortion can also lead to complications to your health if it wasnt done properly.
what abt your bf? can u n him just pretend that NTH has happened? well, he can get away with it w/o any guilt or anything, but can u? he can just merely said: u r the one who did the abortion, not me and then walk out of your life totally.
u truly love him, does he truly love u? it is his own flesh n blood n he cannot accept it? he just wanna hv his cake n eat it. n trust me, it will happen again, n then u will go thru the same shit u r gg thru again (yes,i hv seen cases like tt) n end up he will just tell u, BYE.
"Do I regret doing it? If not for the baby, no, because I truly love him but may be alittle that I did not hold it till the wedding night."
honestly, after reading this, i m pretty pissed by u, cos all u think of is your "oh-so-love-u" bf. oh please, WAKE UP, if he really cares, this wouldnt hv happened. from my gauge, he shld be arnd 25-26 at least?? he is immature even at this age n u wont hv a future with such an assh*le.
seriously, think abt your life,u r taking a risk yourself too, by abortion. having a kid wont ruin your future alrights? im a living example.
btw, apologies IF i sounded harsh, but im just stating the facts. JMHO.
everyone's life changes.. you think i'm all ready to be a mother when that happened to me? I too was just a student who had just drop out of my diploma course one year before i became pregnant.. I was still a teenager who enjoyed my life, my CCA, my friends and hobbies without any responsibilities slung on my back..
it is normal that you don't feel any love for your baby right now.. frankly speaking, i didn't feel any love for my baby when i was pregnant.. even the moment she is out, it's more like 'Hi~ So, you looks like this?' There was not much love or so to speak.. Even when I have to leave my ex whom i loved so much when he made me choose between him and the child whom i doesn't even feels like she exist.. I chose her solely based on RESPONSIBILITY and sense of justice towards her.. my love for her only grows after she is in my arms and right now she is the world to me..
'Parentâ€™s dignities, familyâ€™s honor and love, and the baby, which is more important?'
instead of comparing those to just baby, why not write it this way? 'Parentâ€™s dignities, familyâ€™s honor and love, VS another HUMAN LIFE, which is more important?'
have you heard of the term Honor Killing? this is what happens frequently in places like Arab where they kill their daughters who did something 'shameful' to maintain their family's honor.. it is clearly atrocious as anyone can see.. and sadly to say, if u decide to kill your baby(who didn't even do anything) to maintain your family's honor, it does sounds like Honor Killing to me.. and trust me, this is nothing honorable in God's eyes.. and you are not doing anyone a favor..
God sent you this angel with His own reasons.. Why do you judge his decision?
Sharepoint, I'm a mother of triplets. When i first knew that i was expecting triplets, i was so scared and cried. My gynae gave me the option to abort one of my baby as the risks of having triplets are high. After thinking long and hard about it, i decided to keep all of my babies.
It was a very stressful period for my family and myself, what with taking care of them and to worrying about the family finances (i was retrenched). luckily it all worked out and now i have 3 beautiful babies. What i'm trying to say is do what you deem fit for yourself. I could not bear the thought that if i abort one baby, i will keep thinking about her, especially on their birthday, knowing that i willingly killed one of my baby.
I see you trying to persuade sharepoint to keep the baby, and using life and guilt to get her to do so. Will you be responsible for her and her child if she decides to keep her child? Will you be paying the expenses or support the child?
sharepoint, I was once in yr shoes. And to be exact, 11 years ago when I am only 21. My ex do not want the baby, kept bugging me to abort it because he feels that we are not ready, nor financially stable, too young, no career etc. In the end, I chose to keep her. Was so afraid that my parents (who is evn against our relationship) will flew in rage/ threw me out of their house. Surprisingly, when I broke the news to them, not only they didnt, and yet even took care of me and love me like before., if not even more. They were disappointed with me, I can see. But my dad, especially was against the idea of abortion, cos he says- my health is more important than anything else. No matter what happen, their love for me will never change.
In the end, I married my ex. Total was 9 years of marriage, with 2 kids. Was divorced 2 years back because we had alot of problems and things don't work out for us. Their custody are granted to me. Being a single mum wasn't easy, but never once had I regretted my choice 11 years ago. Never mind about the divorce, the single parenting woes etc. I still find everything worthwhile.
And, if you were to ask me, will i make the same choice if I could turn back time. My answer is a
YES(But maybe not the shotgun marriage part lah). I don't look back and regret for giving birth to my elder child. She is my strength, my motivation and my life. And yup, my parents love her very very much, it's like their little gem. I don't even get such "royal" treatment as their daughter. I told my gal everything, how I chose not to abort her and how much she meant to me. She is my world, my life.
In fact, because of her, I grew up be a a more matured and responsible person, with goals and motivation in my life. I am definately not such a person previously. Was a poly drop-out twice for 2 different courses. After giving birth to her, I am finally awaken. For her sake, I took up another poly course and grad with a diploma which I should be getting much earlier. After that, went on to do my degree and graduated. Now I am considering Masters.
All these was done with one objective in my life-I want the best for my kids. Never mind if I am slower than my peers. Nothing is ever going to take away my dreams, except for myself.
And for all these, I am thankful for the choice i've made more than a decade ago. My gal is very close to me, and she is my best friend. We can basically share everything together and go out like sisters. So Sharepoint, think positive. Being a young mummy is not the worse idea.
Remember this " Choosing to abort yr unborn is your DECISION, not a CHOICE". Ultimately, it is still up to yourself to decide. But, whatever the decision is, do not look back and regret.
Sharepoint, you need to think & decide whether you want this baby or not. Don't be affected by what your father reaction might be. Take a quiet time and ask yourself, do you really want this baby?
Whatever your father commented about his friend's daughter may not be the same reaction he's going to give you. People change their mind every time depending on the situation they are in. Your father might be disappointed, angry, sad, etc. But what's more scary than taking baby's live?
You remind me of the japanese drama about 14 year old mother. She decided to keep her baby; her father beat her, the society gave her hard time at the beginning. It's predictable. It's gonna be tough. But remember this if your life. Don't let others take away your rights from keeping your baby alive (if you really want this baby).
But even if you decide to let go the baby, you should not go thru this alone. I feel you should talk to somebody in your family that able to help you. Whatever you decide, pray to Jesus for guidance, He's a forgiving and loving father.
Yah she decided long ago. As seen from the title. And I don't think she will change her mind cause she "has no choice". Let her feel better by calling it a ball of cells. just like a tumor it can be excised. Maybe pple who have had abortions can encourage her?
Abort or don't abort, Sharepoint will surely face some condemnation from people around her. In fact, it has already started in this thread...
Sharepoint: Please do share this burden with someone close to you and you're comfortable with. Don't go through this time alone.
If you've really decided to abort, you must take care of your health because a woman's body is very weak after abortion or miscarraige. Do find out from the docs and internet how to recover from this. Do take care!