How to overcome post abortion effect?

[shannat]

hweebs: no i wont. im just stating facts for her to know what r the outcome. bcos, it is not impossible to raise a child singlehandedly.
bcos in many ppl (or rather, girls) mind, it is very difficult n very hard to do it, but in fact it isnt as difficult.

if she wants to abort, i would not condemn her whatsoever, afterall, it is her choice. but, afterall, it is a life here we r talking abt. bcos ive come across many girls (which some i do not know of personally) who regrets the choice of abortion thus, im sharing my "story" with her, to give her a clearer( if not better) picture of what her life might turn out to be, if she decides to keep the baby. so even if i do not let her know the "bad" (or GUILTY) points in this decision, does it mean she will not feel guilty at all?
bcos, i've been thru this "lost n confused n super freaked out" stage, thats why i feel that somehow, i can share this experience with her.

n with her parents help n support, this child will grow n live a happy life.

sharepoint: my dad also objected to my girl when i was preg. he even brought me to make an appt for abortion. we were very close b4 that, n then we didnt talk much thruout my preggers. but after the last 2 mths, he slowly changed n cared more,n after my girl was born, everything went back to how it was. he now loves my girl to bits. i hope your decision, wasnt bcos of what your father said, bcos, afterall u r his child, n that is his grandchild. it is only when ppl r in the situation itself, then they will understand how it feels, n also, their reaction might be different from what u think it might be.
i really hope u can take abit more time to really reconsider this decision. a child is a blessing, not a burden. JMHO.

 

[miloice]

Actually... those that question on what right she has to take the life of her baby. No one wants a life to be taken away. The dispute on whether it should be consider human is even more grey. To me, its a life. Still, we don't go round deciding or condemning others.

If you talk about right... it is really subjective. It is fully within her power to decide on what to do. Its her life her options her consequences. She and she alone will be facing all the consequences. Not you or any of us. Get that right. Life isn't about making the best and right decisions all of the time. Often, there isn't such a best solution.

 

[simpleman]

shanna,

For sure can bring up a child singlehandedly. No one is disputing that.. And for sure, people can be happy being a single mother..

But it DOES NOT mean, abortion will make her lead a miserable life thereafter.

The debate on when a feotus is a life has been argued for many many years. When is a lump of cells a life? We should let a personal conviction be the deciding factor - and within the boundaries of the law.

It is LEGAL to abort up till 24 weeks. The decision has to be a personal one as the person carrying the baby has the personal responsibility - to give birth or to abort. You can share all you want but don't add to the guilt factor.

 

[miloice]

sm, actually, i don't think shanna is adding to the guilt factor. Her sharing is pretty positive one assuring that the option for single parenting is feasible. She did no shaming or condemning. Instead, she asked TS to take a bit more time to reconsider. Its a big decision and surely can wait a bit.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Shanna said abortion = murder. This implies that when the woman chooses to abort, she becomes a murderer. Isn't that adding to the guilt factor?

 

[simpleman]

Milo,

Yes, generally positive but

I mainly referred to this:

abortion= murder, enough said.


This is not the ultimate weapon of guilt? Abortion is NEVER murder. Murder is when you deprive another individual of their right to live. A fetus is part of the mother.. abortion is just prevent the the fetus the potential to develop into a human being. Only a human being has a right. A fetus is not a human being and therefore it has no right. The rights of the fetus lie with the mother carrying it until it is at least 24 weeks and the law take away that right to stop the fetus from developing from the mother.

If abortion=murder. Many teenage girls should be in Jail or even put to death for murder. The fact is, they are not put in jail nor convicted for murder. So it is not Murder and don't scare people psychologically by telling them it is murder.

 

[simpleman]

milo,

You also do a little of selective reading?

ha ha

 

[miloice]

Sorry, I wasn't specific enough. I'm referring to her last post on July 01, 2010 - 10:07 am.

 

[sundownprince]

Milo it's not selective reading. It's inferring. From the title she already stated her decision other wise it would have been to keep or to abort?

 

[sgbabydoll]

Actually, people don't need to give birth to a child to become wiser, to have a goal in life or to learn about responsibility. It should not be assumed that the TS would not take home any lesson on her decision to abort. It's not gone case.

 

[miloice]

Jo Ou, you already jumped to that conclusion from the title. If you indeed read everything. You would have realized her mind waivered and wasn't so sure anymore. At some point, she did wanted to explore the idea of keeping the baby. Despite pointing that out to you, you continue to insist on your conclusions. As if you are in the position to decide and judge her. That behavior reflects on yourself as well. Couldn't you infer that about yourself? Or is that somehow applicable for others only?

 

[shannat]

SM: "Murder is when you deprive another individual of their right to live."
so the baby doesnt hv a right to live when it is alr a life itself ma??
the baby has a right to live, just bcos it is not born yet, doesnt mean it doesnt. by law by law by law....yeah legally it is OK to abort b4 24 weeks, but then again,isnt it another way of comforting ppl who aborted.. n like u mention, it is legally, but morally?

perhaps to u, it may seem like im making her feel guilty by aborting, but u cannot deny that it is an actual fact that i am stating isnt it?
im just letting her know the post "feelings" she would feel n let her reconsider her decisions so that she will not regret in life. i speak from experience n also, i known of girls who aborted b4 n they lived thru a very traumatising time after the abortion. n also she asked abt the post effects psychologically, im just informing her.

i also feel that she is not 100% into abortion but bcos certain "obstacles" she is facing (like her parents n perhaps financially) thats why she is "wavering". if she really decided to just abort the baby, why does she need to even post here n ask qns? just get it over n done with lah.
i feel that she is choosing abortion bcos perhaps at this point of time to her, it is the only option bcos she is clueless abt everything n she does not hv frens she can confide in. but perhaps,after hearing my side of the story, she might find there is hope for her to keep this baby?
like everyone else here, im just giving my opinions. JMHO.

 

[sharepoint]

I truly appreciate all the comments and advices given to me through this forum and the emails received, I have no one to turn to and this is one spot that I am able to pour out my inner thoughts and worries without reservation just like my close friends, it has helps me a lot and thanks all for accompanying me through this tough times. Whether it is condemnation or derision, I accepted it because I deserve it. When I started this thread, I am already filled with regret and guilt when I am thinking of aborting the baby, I know it is wrong, both morally and religiously, I was looking for ways to lessen my guilt and make myself feel better. Can I really do that? I am not sure, some can get on with lives as if nothing had happened and some are tormented by the guiltiness for a long time. The wait to the appointment is a torturous process, a part of me wish that it can be done asap so that I can get on with my life but another wish that this day will never come so that I don’t have to go through it. I don’t know how I will react when I see the baby on the monitor and how I will feel when the baby finally leave me, I guess I will only know that when the day come. Ultimately, I am just looking for a quick, easiest and less damaging solution which is beneficial to all parties, just like in my job, a compromise solution, not exactly ideal but acceptable to all.

Last night, my mom came to my room with some herbal tea she brewed and asked me if I am ok because I look wan and sallow these few days, I told her I am alright may be is the work load. She told me to take care of myself and to sleep early, feeling her love and looking at her walking out, I felt so sad and at that moment, I really felt like wanting to hug her tightly and tell her all my worries and problems, to tell her how sorry I am, just like when I am young when I did something wrong, she would always give in and give me a light pat on my back. She is always my shelter and pillar to me. I called out to her, she turned back and looked at me, no, I just cant bring myself to be honest with her because I felt its selfish of me to burdened her with my problem at her age and cause havoc in the house. I just thank her and said I love her. She was abit surprise because it has been sometime since I said that to her……she asked if everything ok with me but I told her I am alright. Will she still love me the same when she learns of what I have done?

My religion…..does anyone believe in miracle? Yes, I pray and seek His guidance, I pray that He will change my bf to accept the baby, I pray that He will give me strength on my decision, I pray He will forgive me and give me peace within……no, sorry, no miracle…….my bf didn’t change……I still fill with guilt with my decision…..i still do not have peace within as I still felt troubled and tormented by my decision………..being the only daughter at home beside confiding to my mom, I used to talk to Him when I am young but may be He has left too after what I have done and going to do…….after all….i am sinned and will go to hell …..may be I am not even a Christian anyway…..attending church only when free (used to attend regularly when young)….asking for His help and forgiveness when needed….its kind of fair weather friends….yes…someone mentioned fake Christian. However, I truly hoped to be forgiven and accepted for my sin and deed.

Single mother….to be honest…It always make me think and asked myself again and again should I go down this path whenever I read those stories posted…its kind of encouraging....but of course…everyone circumstances are different…and depending how far you would like to go in doing this…..yes….the main problem is with my parents and the whole chain of reactions that follow……..what if they still want me to go for the ops after knowing it…..yes they are Christian but I am not sure how they will react under desperate situation…….then its really a lose lose situation…….i felt bad to doubt my parents belief and values but I have lost faith in a lot of things including myself after this incident. It’s a lifelong commitment….the path may be long and lonely……all parties may be worse off…..its really a path of no return basically. Yes, I did spend some quiet time going through the whole thing and honestly asking myself, do I want this baby? Yes, I would like to keep it if possible…yes I know the baby is innocent and yes he has done nothing wrong and yes who am I to decide whether the child lives or die? Yes must be fair to him……I understood perfectly…..that’s why I approached my bf for a solution…..if he is willing, I am ready to accept whatever that come from his or mine family, compromise my goal in life, my aspiration, ambition even if they cannot accept us……no, he is unwilling…….and he want me to choose….take it or leave it…..that is the most hurting part…..I don’t understand….if I can take up the responsibility why cant he……..i have lost faith in love…..what type of crap is this…….if he don’t want then be it………….he has been asking for the date and he want to accompany me there…..but I told him don’t bother…..you don’t want it why bother to come…..I don’t think the baby want it too….its only fair that if my baby is able walk the last journey all by himself to heaven……I will have to pick up the pieces and move on by myself too.

Am I brainless, silly gal and naïve or self aware that I am being cheated or slaughter by my bf? I don’t know, it has been 3 years, if he would like to do it, he has many opportunities but he never…..i don’t want to defend him here, it make me look stupid…..but we have our cherished time…..i know I am contradicting…. Do I regret having it with him? No, if not for the baby, because I am really in love with him then….yes…..i am brainless and silly….but aren’t love like that? I am a “passive’ and ‘lazy’ person when coming to relationship……I find knowing and understand a person is a time consuming thing especially getting into relationship…..thus once I spend time doing it, I will usually stick with it. However, our relationship is like the broken mirror, it will never be the same again even it is stick together again.

Murderer?......i don’t know but I am ending a life…..but he is going to heaven with eternal life.

Every night, I talked to my baby and asked him whether he is the boy I saw in my dream and I want him to come back to my dream so that I can hug and kiss him……it was so real then……but no, never, he never appear again.

God bless all.

Joey

 

[blackcat]

"My religion…..does anyone believe in miracle? Yes, I pray and seek His guidance, I pray that He will change my bf to accept the baby, I pray that He will give me strength on my decision, I pray He will forgive me and give me peace within……no, sorry, no miracle…….my bf didn’t change……I still fill with guilt with my decision…..i still do not have peace within as I still felt troubled and tormented by my decision………..being the only daughter at home beside confiding to my mom, I used to talk to Him when I am young but may be He has left too after what I have done and going to do…….after all….i am sinned and will go to hell …..may be I am not even a Christian anyway…..attending church only when free (used to attend regularly when young)….asking for His help and forgiveness when needed….its kind of fair weather friends….yes…someone mentioned fake Christian. However, I truly hoped to be forgiven and accepted for my sin and deed. "

Hi Sharepoint,

Maybe you should really consider talking to your mom. Yes she may be heartbroken to know this, but her heartbreak is not because you "shame" her or what, but because she loves you so much and hate to see you go through this alone.

If you've prayed about all these but still don't feel the peace, maybe God is trying to tell you something else? I don't know what is the best way to handle this, but as a fellow Christian I can understand the turmoil you are going through - having to grapple with this issue with God and trying to find the best way to handle without "sinning"...

What I want to say is that God doesn't condemn you for what you've done... because you've learnt your lesson and you're truly remoseful. There is nothing that can separate you from the love of God. You are His child and nothing can change that.

And about "you have sinned and go to hell"... if that's the case then every one of us sure go hell because who can say they have no sin?

Sorry, I'm not a very holy or churchgoing Christian too.. just speaking what's on my heart from what I understand about God.

 

[miloice]

Sharepoint, actually, as strict as your parents might be, they love you.

my dad ever comments on one of his colleague’s daughter being pregnant and become a single mom….i know he really despise on such people/action…no offence to others but that is just he is brought up….he did directly or indirectly hinted that he will disown anyone who did that in his family then…..i remembered that.

Its easy to step on the pedestal and give condemnations. But, now its himself going through it. Its not the same. You are his child, it might be hard to swallow but you really need not be a good gal just for your folks. This is the real you. Someone human with emotions, not perfect but still their precious beloved daughter!

Now I am those gals that they despised, I felt so shameful and I know I will break their hearts if I told them

Don't ever think this way. Even if they might be angry, their love for you doesn't disappear. You do not have to do this alone all by yourself. To know you had to go through the abortion all alone because of how much you fear to disappoint them, that would be so painful. Don't underestimate the love of your parents for you. I really encourage you to talk to your mum. Let her know. Nothing hurts them more than letting you suffer like this. All the strict discipline, what is that for? For their expectations of you? Not quite, its simply because they want to protect you. They want you to protect yourself because they love you so.

 

[amulet]

Sharepoint

for one, your mom WILL love you all the same, or treat you even more tenderly if you pour it out to her.. that is what mother's love is all about.. it's agape love.. unconditional..

like many times when my daughter insist on speeding down the damn slope or climbing up the fences and i had warned her a thousandth times not to do that.. i also throw the words that her, 'If you fall down, I am NOT going to pick you up. Don't come crying to me!' Then when she tripped and fall and start crying, do you think a mother would stand there and watch? No.. Any mother will rush over to the child as quickly as she can.. I pick her up, sooth her and comfort her the best I can..

Your mom will do the same for you.. Only if you are willing to tell her..

You have been thinking of all the negatives.. Why don't you try to think more on the positive notes?

What if your parents decide to support your decision? What if your path is not lonely at all as u think? What if nobody gets worst off? What if your child gets a chance to live? What if he gets the chance to smile and calls you Mummy? What if one day he can achieve what he wants to? What if you are strong enough to stand for his living rights? Abortion is a path of no return too.. At least with adoption, you can give the child away when you realise the whole thing is too big to handle.. But abortion, once the child is gone, he is gone..

I still believe in miracle although like you, at 1st i prayed that God will change my ex's mind.. Although God still didn't change my ex's mind in the end.. But the miracle He performed for me, is the strength to withstand the hurt my ex inflicted on me and I stand w/o anymore redundant feeling for this man.. From a man whom I cannot imagine living without, to someone who is just a passerby.. all the redundent love and sadness in me are drained away..

Have you thought of it? That maybe it is in God's plan that your bf should not be a part of you and your child's life in future? That He want you to walk this path and learn so many other things from it? How is Lord going to grant you peace and lift your guilt right now when you are just going to do that very deed which breaks His heart, something that He is trying to tell you 'NO'?

Our Lord has not desert you and will not desert you.. It is YOU who have been walking in the opposite direction from Him.. That is why you cannot hear Him anymore.. *it's like 'hello? knock knock.. opps! wrong channel'*

 

[shannat]

joey, i hope u can stay more positive n not so negative abt your life, cos u might get into depression with all those hormones raging in u right now, with this change in your body.
your parents will still love u no matter what u hv done. bcos, u r their child. u know, besides my dad getting pissed, my mum got into a slight depression n even my aunts were affected by it.. i understand how u feel, i also felt really bad towards my parents bcos they hv high hopes on me, they didnt expect this would happen either.
but still, they love me n also my little girl.
i hope u do not misunderstand that i am condemning u, cos im not. i was in your position once, n trust me, abortion did seemed like the best way out for everyone. but im just tryin my best to let u know, it isnt the only option one can choose.

anyway, after the op, pls do a mini confinement for yourself (2weeks instead of 1 mth) as your body will be very weak, if possible, get tt person to buy u tonics to get your health back on track. thats the least he can do.
and also, i hope u can find peace within yourself after these (maybe u can go back regularly to church) or speak to a counsellor.cos seeing u being so "negative" u might get post abortion syndrome.
i found this website online, n i hope it can help u.
http://afterabortion.com/physical.html

http://www.afterabortion.org/healing/index.htm

god bless.

 

[miloice]

Sharepoint, don't be disappointed in your God. The church and family and beliefs of others isn't God. The history of the faith itself is clouded with so much political agenda that could influence the teaching. I'm always skeptical about what the churches are preaching. Read his words and seek the answers within between you & your creator.

I'm still seeking and I know I shouldn't blame him. Don't take the implementation of the faith by others as the truth. Its only a point of reference at best. Let the truth speak to your heart. When you seek him, don't expect him to respond only in how you want him to. It hardly the case mostly.

 

[scope_guy]

She... and her lover and her father... all fake-christians. LOL~

You don't believe in a God who makes sense only in your imagination... worse, when one is a woman and seldom makes sense.

 

[kittenpie]

Sharepoint,

(1) you have to stop thinking about your boyfriend. you have to stop wondering why he did what he did. you have to direct your brainpower to productive activities, like sourcing a solution right now.

i quote Amulet from one of the posts above

"it is normal that you don't feel any love for your baby right now.. frankly speaking, i didn't feel any love for my baby when i was pregnant.. even the moment she is out, it's more like 'Hi~ So, you looks like this?' There was not much love or so to speak.. "

if even a woman who carried a baby in her body for nine months could feel nothing towards the child(in Amulet's case, at first), how can you expect your bf to feel towards him? being paternal is natural and right. but just because something is natural and right, does not mean that everybody will be this way.

if he doesnt feel paternal towards the child you are carrying, then naturally he is the sort who feels nothing for the girl who gave him their first time. i think the problem is with YOUR EXPECTATIONS, not with his behavior. do you recognise that he has the right to say NO to having the baby? it may be cruel and unkind of him but he has the RIGHT to reject you and the baby now. if after someone reveals his true colours so blatantly and you still cannot accept it, then the problem lies with your stubbornness, not him.

you cannot waste anything on this man, NOT even your thoughts. he exploited your naivete, now you want him to conquer your mind without even trying to? just get over it!


(2) i have to be frank with you that from the fundamental Christian perspective, abortion = murder. i am not advocating anything, i am just stating what fundamental Christians believe in. i infer from your postings that you seem to be a religious person. if your religion is genuinely that important to you, then you have to face what this religion tells you and seriously consider adoption. there are many childless couples who PINE for children, this is a way to bless the world with a new life.


(3) after all that is said, have you (i) gone to seek a professional be it for medical attention or counselling? (ii) be rational about handling this problem, keep an Excel spreadsheet. plot ABORTION in the right, ADOPTION on the left and write down the pros and cons of each. give each pro and con a weighting then compute the score. dont just narrate your problems, visualise them and weigh them. use a scientific approach, which would help you be more objective and less emotional. this would be a tool in your decision making.

 

[hweebs]

sharepoint,

I can sort of understand your dilemma about your parents...on one hand u are very scared and guilty about being pregnant now, that you have shamed them etc., and yet on the other hand u love your parents alot and do not want to burden them with what is happening to you. Like the rest of the forumers have said, despite everything you do, even if u are doing drugs and trafficking people, they will still love you. It is innate. Even if they were to say hurtful things, it is because it is too painful for them. But ultimately, I leave you to decide whether to tell or not yourself at this juncture. If you don't tell now, please try to do so sometime in the future, when it hurts less. The worst thing that can happen is to keep a lifelong secret from the ones you love.

Please stop thinking about your bfren at this point of time...factor him out. Do not judge or decide things about him at this juncture. It will only affect you further...deal with the pregnancy, then after that, him. One thing at a time.

 

[sharepoint]

A lot has happens these few days and felt quite exhausted……………

It all began with a call from the clinic to remind of me of my appointment. It is a Saturday’s morning; I was sleeping in my room when my hp rang. I have left my hp in the living room the night before. I was waken from my sleep by my mom and asked me is there any problem with me. I was abit blur then and said no and asked why. Then she told me that the clinic called to remind me of my appointment and she asked why I am making an appointment with a gynea for. Apparently, my mom has answered the call. I was really shocked and I my mind was a complete blank……..I just kept silence but uncontrollably, my tears started to roll down. My mom sensing something serious has happened, she came over to sit beside and holding my hands….I can sense her hand is trembling and asked me whether am I pregnant….i can never forget her quivering voice and worried expression….at this moment…I just let go of all my sorrow….i hugged her tightly and cried, I told her I am sorry. Although my mom didnt scold me and just hugged me and patted me lightly on my back…..telling me not to worry…to tell her what happened but she let out a deep sigh….a sigh of disappointment with her daughter …that I am heartbroken …I would rather she is angry and scolded me, I saw tears in her eyes. I told her what happened and told her my intention. When she heard that I intended to go for abortion behind their backs…she was obviously not very happy and raised her voice a little and asked me whether I know what I am doing….seeing her getting angry, I tried to explain my intention and the reasons….she asked me whether there is a possibility of talking my bf or his family for a better solution…..I told her no.. I don’t want to force him if he is not willing…..then she asked me what I truly want for myself disregard of other factors…..i told her I felt guilty going for the abortion but not sure about being a single mom…she kept quiet….she told me that she needs to discuss it with my dad but I told her that if her intention is to go for abortion then I prefer not to let my dad know about it….but she said no….abort or not…my dad needs to know….I can’t do this behind his back.

When she was in the room talking to my dad, I can hear raised voices and arguments, banging of furniture and door, I was so scared that dad will burst into my room to scold me and chase me out of the house. Minutes are like hours, I just sat in my bed waiting for the worst to happen. After sometime, my mom walked into my room alone, her despair expression said it all. She told me dad is not agreeable to keep the baby but she said she will try to talk to him again when he cool down. I know my dad is very angry because he refuses to join us for dinner, skip his regular evening swim downstairs, treat me as non-existence, refuses to acknowledge me…..I felt so sad and disheartened…..I told my mom that may be I should go for the abortion since dad is so angry and that’s what he wants. She was visibly angry and asked me do I really want the baby, if yes, I would have to take up the responsibility and face any consequences that come with it. She told me she too is angry and disappointed with my carelessness and actions but she is more so with my intention to go for abortion behind her back. She told me that she has talked to my dad again that night although he didn’t say anything but she told me my dad will accept it eventually, though it may take time. She told me she too was in dilemma on whether to let me keep the baby or not but eventually, she don’t want me to be traumatised by the abortion and it pains her to see me goes through it. She told me that I am an adult now and I will have to learn and grow from this. It’s not easy being a single mother and there will be more challenges ahead, however, she said she will help me as much as possible so that it will not be so painful for me.

I guess all along I have taken my mom’s love for granted and should have more faiths in her, I will be forever grateful for her support and loves shown during this period of time. She didn’t really scolded me for my mistake instead she tried to mitigate between my dad and me although I knew I have hurt her deeply and she is trying not to make me feel worse. She is always the light in the darkness for me, my strength and courage; I really hope that I can do the same for my kid in future. Single mother…..it is unimaginable a few weeks ago for me but I am now going down this ‘valley of darkness’, although I still worried about my future and felt sad about my dad but I am glad that my mom is with me. As for the baby, I hope he grows up thinking that I have made the right decision for him and not regretted it.

Hi, people, I would like to sincerely thanks all your posts and encouragement, without it, I will be more lonely and worst off, in one hand, I am glad that I don’t have to go through it and in the other, I truly felt for those that did. I will always remember whenever I see my kid in future the excruciating mental struggle and sense of guilt that I once went through. Today, although I am tired but I have a sense of tranquillity and peacefulness within…….

Thanks and God Bless.


Joey

 

[miloice]

Joey, you were asking for a miracle when you didn't need one. You have all the support you needed all the time but u just didn't realized it. Take care.

Parenthood is a privilege, to experience and give back that unconditional love to your child. It will be tough but you know you were never alone.

 

[sharepoint]

Yes, Milo

I guess my mom is my miracle.

Thanks for your comments and advice. Appreciate it.

 

[miloice]

What does dear jo ou has to say now? All the condemnation without empathy nor advise. How sure he/she was about Joey then?

 

[renerene]

Joey, glad that you have finally found peace after all the internal struggles you've been through. Your dad refuses to see or talk to you now but he still loves you, like your mom does... He just needs a bit more time to accept the fact. Stay positive and be prepared to be a responsible parent. Show your parents that you have grown up and matured, they will feel proud of you again.

I sincerely hope you find all the strength and support you need during this period. All the best! =)

 

[pandapanda]

Joey, I'm very happy that you finally saw some light at the end of the tunnel... though it'll be a long and difficut road, I'm sure with your parents' support, you will be able to walk through it well with your baby

Be strong!

 

[hweebs]

Joey,

Glad you found your way. All the best! " )

 

[scope_guy]

Hehehe...

 

[daemonkoh]

Thanks god for the phonecall from clinic. Thanks god you were sleeping. So touched by ur mum. U were so lucky.

Take care and enjoy the pregnancy. U are not alone anymore. 'Wei da de ma ma'

 

[cklp]

i work in a O&G setting, seeing top (termination of pregnacy) is very commom to me. whenever i see such cases, i thought to myself 'y this people has their happy time and yet forgot to clean their mouth after that' there was some who is really terrible, come time afte time up to 4-5times. i am glad u made a great decision, to be responsibe for your action. thumb up!

 

[shannat]

joey, im so happy for u n your decision!
dont worry abt your dad, he will eventually soften down, esp when the baby is born. trust me, all parents r like that. my dad was the same, his reaction was like your dad, angry n almost ignored me.. but when the little one was born, he totally hogged her! he came home asap after work n spent all his whole night with her. til today, she is the closest to him (prefers to slp with him than me!)stay positive alrights.

and your mum, she will always be there for u, like how u would be there for your baby.

also i hope u will forgive yourself for that thought of abortion, and nvr think of it anymore. that thought is over and now a new chapter of your life is beginning, stay positive.

if u need any help on pregnancy stuff, let me know, i'll try my best to help. u can find more info and help here.
http://www.mummysg.com/forums/

all the best to u.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Joey, I feel happy that you have made the decision, whatever it is.

 

[young_jes]

Joey, jiayou!

I'm a young mum too, faced similar problems when I was pregnant 6 years ago. I posted in this forum as well, received the same type of mixed reactions, walked down the tough road, and managed to survive and overcome the problems!

A young mum's journey is not easy, but the smile of your child makes it all worthwhile.

Being a young mum doesn't mean your future is totally ruined. You've just started your journey earlier than the rest. =)

 

[sharepoint]

Dear all

Thank you all for your help offered, concern shown, advice and encouragement given………to a stranger like me…....some are keeping me in their prayers… some shared their personal experiences…some are willing to offer their listening ears or time if I needed….some offered to go through my thoughts and find a solution for me, one even offered to accompany me to the clinic so that I am not alone……..yes, someone mentioned miracle happens in different form…..I didn’t realised that I have been surrounded by angels like all of you all this while……actually, I don’t need any miracle…….I know I am not alone when I felt my world has collapsed on me. When I look back in time, I shall remember this wonderful encounter that I once have in my life……

Love
Joey

 

[maple_egreen]

Joey
Glad that you made your decision and are at peace with it. Dont worry about your dad, he wont be angry forever. This ad i watched on youtube touches me alot and its probably very real. A father's love never cease.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkoRDFjBh44

 

[sharepoint]

Dear Maple egreen

Yes....how I wish my dad will hug me the same....I would really like to say sorry to him...though I have never hug him like that before...

 

[clipperjunk]

dads are very easy to deal with when it comes to daughters...trust me, no matter how nasty a thing you've done, papa will melt once the heartfelt apologies and tears comes through, all's good...

 

[scope_guy]

Sharepoint,

Silly woman... so many years liao, you still don't understand your Dad. You think so easy you get disowned? LOL~ If can be disowned so easily, won't tell you go try get disowned already.

Your focus should now be on the boy boy... What your Dad probably wants could be a 'steps to descend'. That is, if you can... ahem... get your boy boy to marry you, he probably could be happier. I get this feeling that your Dad is a 'facial'. LOL~

In any case, your little issue with that boy boy isn't finished. You better pay attention on the right pitfalls than wasting time on your silly Dad...

You keep the baby... what if that boy boy family finds out? LOL~ Exciting saga. I'd be staying tune. LOL~

 

[shannat]

yes joey, what abt that guy??? have u told him your decision to keep the child?

 

[scope_guy]

Shanna,

You like asking silly questions? LOL~

 

[shannat]

oops, did i missed the part?? so many replies, i get quite blur!! sorry! =X

 

[scope_guy]

Shanna,

So cute. A blur queen. LOL~

 

[sharepoint]

My bf?....no, I haven’t tell him my decision to keep the baby….i have no time and mood for that……yes, he has been calling and smsing me but I never take his call…..I was quite pissed by his repeating questions about the abortion date yesterday that I replied his sms by telling him ‘I have already get rid of the baby as you wish…are you happy now? I hate you!’….he only replied ‘I am sorry, please forgive me…will call you again when you have cool down.’ …..I don’t know whether he is sorry/asked for forgiveness because he finally realised he has lost is baby and regretted it or because I am angry…….i have never think about how he or his family will think/react when they find out that I have kept the baby………I have too many things to worry about than this problem…..well….if he felt guilty….then serve him right……anyway…what can he/family do if they know?.......Shanna and other single mom….what is the reaction of your kid’s father when they know you have kept the child? Are they in contact with the kid now? Will you accept him back to your life if they admitted to their mistake?

Marry him to appease my dad? I am not sure that is the right way…….how to get my bf to marry me with the kid since he already said he don’t want the baby……..force him….threaten him….will I be happy in such marriage………I have enough on my plate now……

 

[infojunkie]

dun even think abt marriage! it's like tying 3 kids together to form a family unit...

 

[scope_guy]

Junkie,

For once you said something extraordinary.

Sharepoint,

Just normal as I have expected. Of course, he's so nervous... what if his family finds out, what if he NEEDS to marry you? LOL~ Sorry, I have been so naughty. It's strange, isn't it... Scope seems to know more of your Dad and your bf. LOL~

Actually, you shouldn't tell him now... just SURPRISE him PLUS his family later with the baby! LOL~

OK ok, your bf is a jerk lah~ He never in his mind thought of marrying you, but he probably just want to fvck you again. And you are crazy... you still think he is asking for forgiveness lah, finally realise lah... Hey!

Grow up. You are going to be a mother already... because of your naive self. Serve who right? LOL~ Don't go and tally with other single mothers. You are you, don't be vengeful. You just have to understand, for every great guy out there you'd have 1000 and more badasses...

But still... you are going to deliver HIS baby. LOL~ His family will eventually find out, especially if your Dad is like a 'facial'... Your Mom would have no choice but to contact that boy boy of yours. So you must be mentally prepared... Even if the boy boy agrees to marry you...

Tough luck, my dear. Your Dad could be thinking about how... he'd explain to the world of this sudden addition to his family. What you must do now... is completely grow in one night.

Super challenging, which could be why Mr God makes you meet Scope... his good old friend. LOL~

First of all, he probably planned for having unprotected sex with you. Then, he is planning to pressure you to abort HIS baby. And he obviously doesn't care about you being stuck in your family... but about whether He'd be 'forced' to be the father.

LOL~

Can you wake up, my dear?

I was merely teasing you. I saw many fake Christians... ... LOL~ Your bf is just one of them. He knows very well Christianity probably forbids abortion... you'd go to Hell. Your boy boy wants you to go to Hell, or he'd ditch you...

LOL~

Don't be silly, Joey.

He's not asking you for forgiveness... he's asking you to quickly solve his problem. I am so itching to see your Dad appears before him... LOL~

Anyway, Joey... life is like that lah... Since you want to see this baby, fate has decided. I hope your Dad will learn this lesson, and embrace you as Christ would, and not force you to abort...

Don't need to worry so much. What you really need to do is to plan about single-motherhood. Trust me, if you marry now... You'd become crazy sooner or later. LOL~

Learn to love your child. Love is love... Single mothers could be great as well... just, don't let hatred makes you an extremist. Your love for your child can still bring you to Heaven's gates. LOL~

And if you have a One... Don't worry... He'd love your child as well. Love overcomes everything, including death. LOL~

Be happy, my dear. Don't fight with your Dad, his church will deal with him if your Mom won't. LOL~

 

[shannat]

joey: actually he wanted me to keep the baby. the reason i left him was bcos, after my girl was born, he didnt bother much abt her.. n he was quite useless not to bring in any income for us even he alr ORD. to be honest, i hv to admit, if it wasnt for my girl, we wouldnt hv lasted so long tgt.
he didnt wanna tc of her, feed her, change her, bla bla, so day by day, i grew to "not love" him as much, (or perhaps, there wasnt very much to start with). all my attention was on my girl, n one fine day, we had an arguement, n i kicked him out of my hse, period.
his mother kinda wanna "force" me to marry him n my parents keep saying NO. i myself didnt wanna marry him, cos somehow i know, he wasnt the one for me.
after we "broke up" he kept telling me he has changed, n he will learn to tc of my girl, will get a job bla bla u know, all those pleasant to the ear bullshit. i hv ppl telling me to forgive him n get back tgt with him for my girl. but hell no, i know myself, i can nvr be with him ANYMORE bcos, he will nvr change. its just the way he was brought up n his frens n life.
i lead a different life.
i left him completely n we didnt exactly stay in contact, i only contacted him when needed due to some issues for my girl's stuff.
he tried to ask to see my girl, but i rejected all times. i find there is no point in messing up my little girl's mind n also make him gian to want back my girl. cos she is awesomely adorable, i know, for sure, his mum will try to ask him to gain custody of her of whatever. i duno la, but prevention is better than cure, i dun wanna take any risks.
so far, he knows of his incapability to raise my girl n give her the happiness she has now, so he doesnt come n bother me. more than 2.5 yrs hv passed n he has nvr get to see my girl at all. nvr will infact. i met him less than 1 yr ago(just my luck), n i see, he nvr changed, his style, his pattern... still the same, n i told myself, i made the right choice for me n my girl, or i cant imagine how bad our life will be now!


actually, to me, a mother is a mother. some ppl, they marry for the sake of the child, end up less than 1-2 yrs, divorce. also single mum right? just tt the status is she marry b4.. whats the diff in fact? that u wasted thousands of dollars on a "fake" marriage? duh~

joey, dun marry for the wrong reasons, just for the sake of the baby, is a wrong reason.
for now, i feel that, he is not ready to commit to u n your baby, but in the future, who knows?
whether u want or can forgive him n accept him back into your life, thats your decision. no one can advise u on that. we dont know how u feel towards him n how much he (would) change in the future.
for now, focus on your pregnancy n try to save up a gd amt of money first. cos there would be quite a bit of expenditure for the beginning.
and, stay strong n get your priorities right. your baby is now your priority, not him anymore. like scopeguy mentioned, yes WAKE UP alr. FOCUS!!!!!
being a single mum, its not easy, cos u r covering 2 persons duty. there r many things u need to plan u hv only 10 mths to plan it!!!!

 

[hweebs]

I will still say the same thing: don't think too much about it, and into the future at this point. No point thinking when everything is unpredictable. Just do one thing at a time. The one thing now: your pregnancy.

 

[matka]

Sharepoint, thank you for sharing your experience and I'm glad that you've decided to keep the baby.

Your dad will come through, it just takes time... maybe long, maybe short. You mentioned your parents go to church, then they will definitely know which holds more importance - the sanctity of life vs face. But as long as you have made the right choice, you have nothing to fear.

In matters of your boyfriend, I think he has a right to know. But he cannot force you to abort. If he does not wish to be part of the process, it is his choice.

I applaud you for not considering marriage because you are forced by circumstance. Like you said, you have enough on your plate. If your boyfriend is not ready to take on the responsibility of parenting - and the role as a husband - then you are not obligated to take on the extra responsibility of taking care of another person, especially when he is capable of doing so himself.

Just to share... 10-15 years ago, I knew two girls who got pregnant while still in school. They chose to keep their child. At that point when word got round, yes... people talked and perhaps some people said malicious things. They were popular girls and others just couldn't imagine this happening to them. But their family and true friends rallied around them. They didn't get married immediately. One got married after the child was born, the other got married only when the child was a few years old.

Fast forward a decade later, I see their family pictures on Facebook and they're all doing well. They are fantastic mothers - and just like any parent, worry about their daughters not studying hard enough for their PSLE, take fun family photos, etc.

Today, I have nothing but the utmost respect for them. And I am sure that is what most others think so too... including those who've said nasty things last time.

You will get through this. It may be a rough ride at times, but it is not impossible

 

[amulet]

sharepoint

i am greatly relieved to read your last post..

do concentrate on your pregnancy now.. look for a gynae u think u like best.. let your mom and dad(if he wans) follows you to the gynae so that they can meet their grandchild.. it will help in their healing..

and seek help from ur family to discuss on how u gonna maintain u and ur child in future..

as for letting your bf know, u have to tell him the truth la.. he will still find out sooner or later.. singapore is too small..

my ex was furious to know that he cannot persuade me into abortion.. but by then we are not seeing each others anymore.. so only exchanged smses..

he wanted to write up a contract/agreement for me and my mom to sign, stating that it is solely my decision to keep the child and we are not to ask for a single cent from him coz he knows of my financial responsibilities at home.. he was dead set on that i would not be able to feed this child and scare i will come knocking at his door begging for money..

i rejected him at 1st coz i didn't wan to see his face.. but he kept pestering and i thought that it's good to have an legal document on this but on one condition that he is to add in the term that base on that agreement he have to give up all his paternal rights on my child and he is not to see her or fight for her custody in future..

then he disappear after this thing.. no agreement no contract nothing.. he is just trying to give it a last burst to scare me out of this..

i have an FB and public blog, he knows i kept my girl.. we have some common friends too..

now i'm saving up.. once i have the extra $$, i will construct a legal agreement with a lawyer and let my ex sign it to give up all his paternal rights before me and my bf legally adopt my girl after our wedding..

no, i will never get back with him.. not even over my dead body coz i have seen his true color.. even if i am still single, i will not get back with him.. if he does realise his mistake, the best thing he can do for my daughter is to stay out of our lives forever..

and oh, just to let you know.. if u wan to claim child maintenance from ur bf, u can.. if he deny that baby is his, the court will order a DNA test.. he will have to pay for the child maintenance and DNA test if the child is his.. but note that he will have access to the child in future.. remember to keep all the receipts of everything u spent on this pregnancy and baby..