How to overcome post abortion effect?

[infojunkie]

sharepoint,

i think it's high time u n ur parent(s) pay a surprise visit to meet with his parents to talk things out - take ur stand and get this settled once and for all.

 

[scope_guy]

Sharepoint,

STAY AWAY FROM THIS FORUM!

You don't know what the fvck you risk... LOL~

 

[confusenism]

sharepoint.

stay away from this bf of yours he an arsehole seriously.

bring ur parents down to his house and settle once and for all. state your point to them. u're keeping no matter wad. and if he refuse to accept now. den he will have to refused forever. den make him sign an agreement to waive all rights to the child should be reject now.

wad an irresponsible person.

i was in the same state as u last year. however its me who wanted to keep the child but she somewad manage to convince me that its aint the right time for marriage and kids. im not saying im great but the sense of responsibility is there he should reflect! i have seen a fair share of arseholes like this. some would come n claim parental rights after a few years so u should protect urself n the child should u wanna keep and he refuse now.

 

[miloice]

Junkie, what is there to settle with the bf family? It is clear that he wants nothing to do with the baby.
To stop the harrassment and get the child rights settled. OK, make sense but not for pressurising for marriage decision

 

[sharepoint]

Hi, junkie

You mean we should go for broke? I thought my bf attitude and acceptance is much more important than his family? Even his family agreed and accept, if my bf don’t want the baby, what can the family do? Yes, may be his family can force him to accept it and manage to get us married but will such marriage last? He will feel resentment against me and the child. I have ever thought about it and my mom did suggest but I don’t want, I don’t want to put my mom in such position and I really feel cheapen myself on doing this.

Hi, confused crossroads

You mean to cut off all future correspondence and interaction between him and the child? I don’t know…I thought that even he is unwilling but at l should try to maintain certain relationship with him not for myself but for the child…he is afterall the child father…he may able to claim parental rights in the future but I guess the judge will look into the effort and what has his done for the kids when giving judgement…

Hi scope

What do you mean?

 

[miloice]

SharePoint, both you and your unborn child are not chess pieces of your bf to nicely fit to his perfect plan. With or without your pregnancy, his masterplan might not be successful at all. After everything, he is still so concerned over his personal goals and plans. I'm not going call him names or anything. But you know clearly where you stand in his heart?

No doubt, there are strong emotions. But, to him, it will always be his prized chess piece that he will name his queen. He will do everything to squeeze you to continue fitting his ideals. This man doesn't consider your feelings. His emotions is one-way. He is concerned with his priorities than yours.

Maybe he would grow up in yrs to come. But, currently, this man doesn't has what it takes.

 

[infojunkie]

sharepoint,

forget abt marriage... ur bf is losing it (sigh)

dun u know u scared the shit out of him and he's at his wits' end? why dun u just help him end his agony as well as yours?

 

[matka]

Be strong, sharepoint.

This doesn't concern his family if he doesn't want them involved. Especially if he's above 21.

 

[simpleman]

sharepoint,

After many difficult moments, you have made a decision to keep the baby.. and stick to it.

I thought you are not responding to his calls and sms.. and then you commit the mistake of meeting him and telling him too many things.

Your focus now should be just to give birth to the baby. ALL other things can wait. Your father - let him be first.. Your BF, don't have to communicate with him now.

So, please. Stop letting other people affect you. Be focus. With the support of your mother, be ready to be a mother. The rest can wait.

If your bf really loves you, he will still be yours after your birth. Otherwise you would have known what kind of person he is. Marrying you now is not proving his love for you.

 

[infojunkie]

this is exactly what he wants - sweep everything under the carpet and DUN get his family involved

 

[ariel84]

Sharepoint, your BF is a selfish boy. All he cares about to this point, is that a baby is not in his plans. If it's not, why is he so irresponsible to have premarital sex? All he's saying is for you to get rid of it as though nothing happened, and for him to move on with life as it is.

I think you should really ignore whatever he says from now on. To me, a guy who cannot consider the pain and anguish of woman he claims to love - is not worth it at all. Don't EVEN consider marriage with someone like this.

The most important thing now is YOU and the baby. It's a good idea if you take a break now and perhaps, go somewhere with your mom to think about what to do. In this whole incident, it seems that your mom is the best person who stood by you. Please continue to talk to her and don't keep things to yourself.

Sharepoint, if you've decided to keep the baby, then go for it. With the support of your mom, it's possible to have a happy family for the child. It's your body, it's your choice. Don't let anyone pressurize you to abort if your heart is against it.

 

[gluttonish]

I agree with what sm said. Focus on your decision, other things can wait. Time will prove everything.

 

[matka]

For his family, it is up to him to tell them himself - whether he is man enough to do so is another matter.

It is not Sharepoint's job. Unless she becomes their daughter-in-law.

He can choose to be involved, or choose to stay away.

I don't think anything is getting swept under the carpet. The reality is there. But bringing his family in without any proper reason will make the situation convoluted. In this instance, I agree wholeheartedly with SM and Milo's last few posts.

 

[gluttonish]

Although, for once, I agree partly with what scope said (erm.. LOL~??), go seek professional help ASAP, speak to a certified counsellor. They will help you to untangle the thoughts in your mind. You have too much on your mind right now.

 

[miloice]

shaming the bf in front of his family isn't at the interest of sharepoint at all.

 

[infojunkie]

the young man is doing everything he can to keep his "good boy" image intact... getting the family involved is useful man...

 

[matka]

I disagree... not in this way. It will only make her appear to be vindictive.

 

[infojunkie]

it's not abt shaming the bf lah... ok sharepoint, just ignore me

 

[miloice]

Junkie, I don't think so. Sharepoint is already under so much harassment for her bf. And you want to advise her to make things messier. This should not even be her priority now.

What if his family force him to marry her. And it becomes a better mess involving 2 families. From what she is experiencing, she is probably having no more fantasy for this man. Having the families forcing them to marry would be disastrous! Not to mention, we duno why he might do in revenge.

And do spare some thought for SharePoint. Afterall, this man was someone she really loved and cared for. Do you think she would feel any better getting his family involved? That is really bad advise frankly.

 

[flyingstar]

Sharepoint, i think you are considering too many factors and getting confused over your decision.

You have the support of your mom, and i think it is wonderful that she wants you to keep the baby. That is enough. Please don't bother about your bf or your dad at this moment.

Your mother is doing her best to help you and protect you. Learn from her. You are going to be a mother yourself and you must learn to protect your child, just like how your mom is doing to you.

No one is forcing you to make any choice...the decision has been made once your mom came into the picture.

Your dad has never asked you to abort your baby right? By not asking you abort your baby is a positive response.

Ignore your bf please. He does not care how an abortion will affect you physically and mentally, and remember...if you do as he wants, there is NO GUARANTEE he will treat you any better.

Take good care!

 

[amulet]

he is trying the bribe her with marriage..

marriage can be desolved after ur abortion.. so what if he marries u? it doesn't means he is going love you or he will never divorce you..

he is at his wits end and he will use anything to bribe u into abortion..

for your own good, stay away from him.. meeting him or trying to let him being involved only creates unnecessary stress upon yourself..

no matter how u try or what you try, he doesn't wans to be a part of the baby's life.. to him, you are just trying to force him into this.. face it..

 

[tulipzz]

sharepoint,
Your boyfriend is obviously trying to trick you into aborting the baby with his proposal.

By revealing his true colours when he grabbed you till you hurt and screaming at you incessantly over keeping the baby, he must have realised his folly by behaving so stupidly, so his next ploy comes in the form of a proposal. He knew that that you cannot be dealt with in the harsh manner, so he's enticing you with the soft approach.

Like what you'd asked, if he's willing to marry you, why can't he accept the baby? Obviously, he doesn't have plans to marry you, he just wants the baby out of the way. He probably worries that this baby may come back to 'haunt' him in the future after he dumps you.

Sharepoint, think about yourself, not your boyfriend, your parents. Think about yourself. Do you really want this baby? Will you give the baby your best? Will you love or hate the baby? You are the only one who has the right to decide. Not your boyfriend. He's not the one who's going to go thro an abortion, or delivery, or nine months of pregnancy. He doesn't have a right or say in whether the baby to stay, especially when he wants the baby out of the way out of his selfish desire.

 

[confusenism]

sharepoint.... wake up...

its obvious he doesnt want to have anything to do with the baby.. in rgds to wad i mention abt the agreement to protect urself. i mean since he doesnt want to be responsible now why does he have the right to u or the baby in the future?

its to prevent the hassle of lawsuits and such

 

[confusenism]

and also sharepoint it doesnt mean that u abort and get back together with him ensure ur happiness. he can be that cruel to demand an abortion. u wont know this animal u're with will give u happiness.

 

[shannat]

joey, dont trust him. he is just lying.
after u aborted, he can still back out from this marriage. he doesnt even love u at all, cant u see??? if he loves u, all these wouldnt hv happened and even if he hv to give up ALL his plans, he will still do it, bcos he loves u n the child. he is very very very selfish. n dont mind me, he is despicable.

u've seen his true colours alr, pls dont pin any more hope on him. yes, your child needs a father, but this father is not the one for your kid.
his immaturity, selfishness makes him nth suitable to be a dad! cut off ALL ties from him n stop letting him mess up your thinking n life.

dont let him scare u, cos HE DOESNT HV ANY RIGHT TO DECIDE WHETHER U KEEP THE BABY OR NOT. u r the one pregger with the baby, NOT him, what rights does he hv? u can even get maintenance from him even if the baby's BC doesnt hv his name on it!
but of cos to be 100% safe, dont get any maintenance from him lah.

 

[nichie]

Hi, joey

The way I see it is that may be your bf still love you or he will not be calling you everyday during the period when he is under the impression that you have aborted the baby. If he is not serious or just fooling ard with you, he will had move on to other 'target' after getting what he want, why still sticking ard you and coming up with a 'plot' to trick you to abort? He will not be bothered if he don't love you. Probably he is still studying and may be of his family, he just cannot accept being a father now..so probably he still love you..a flirt will not wait 3 yrs to get what he want..if yes..then he is a very lousy one..this is from my experience. However,loving you is one thing and I agreed with others that he is very selfish and irresponsible and that is the flaw of his character, probably you need to be careful on this point.

Joey, your concerns and worries are valid, please do not bet yours and the baby's future on something you cannot control or predict when other option present you with a guaranteed outcome. That's all I am going to say, take care, you know how to contact me if you need to.

 

[scope_guy]

Sharepoint,

Just stay away from these... HELPers. Stay away from this forum, alright.

You are pregnant... calculating... you'd enter a phase of great challenging time... I don't want you to get too depressed during pregnancy. Just stay away from these... helpful people... for your own sake.

I told you to stay away from your boy boy... Why can't you just wait till you have delivered?

And now... you must be prepared for something else. LOL~

But I am more worried about you... Pregnancy depression is no joke. It can kill. It's like a death drug. Now he knows you are keeping the baby... LOL~

That's all I can do for you, Sharepoint... Unless I have to see you physically. BTW... can you take it when your Dad and your boy boy fought in front of you? LOL~ Or can you take it when his family comes and your Dad gets worked up and... ...

Will you marry because of the baby? LOL~

Professionally speaking, you are now (if you are telling the truth) a life-and-death case. Don't underestimate depression during pregnancy... Stay away from these... people here. If needs be, PM me for a date. I mean... should thing get totally dramatic.

Just stay away from this forum. Period.

 

[kittenpie]

Outcast,

What love? if what he has for her is called love, then his love is PERVERTED & WARPED.

life is complicated as it is, why defend someone who is obviously so hurtful and wrong?

first of all, he tricked a poor innocent girl to give her first time to him. after that, he pressures her non-stop to abort? and offers to marry her ON CONDITION that she does what he wants? what does he think he is, a coveted trophy and a precious prize that a girl should only be over the moon to get married to?

grip her arms till it hurt?

stop propagating this nonsense that what he has for poor Sharepoint can be qualified to be called love.

 

[gluttonish]

This thread is becoming so dangerous. So many virtual strangers offering 'private sessions'.

Sharepoint, I would strongly suggest you don't contact any of them privately, if you really need help, go look for professional counsellors.

Hweebs suggested http://www.helpfsc.org.sg/, there are others available if you google for it.

 

[miloice]

I agree with Outcast that the bf definitely has feelings for SharePoint. But, so what? For sure, we will have feelings for more than one person in life. Do we end up marrying every single one?

SharePoint is clearly getting to see the worst of him right now. No more fantasies. This is the real him in crunch time. There is nothing for him to accept or not accept. She is pregnant and she wants to want the baby. Where does he come into the picture? He doesn't. He is harassing her only because he cannot let go but at the same time unable to provide her what she needs.

So, I agree with Outcast. He is just a lousy selfish guy that doesn't have what it takes.

 

[miloice]

Gluttonish,

sharepoint has more sanity than to contact a joker that persistently insulted her family and beliefs and ridiculed her. And now, suddenly so worried for her. She doesn't need more stress than she is already having.

 

[kittenpie]

i think he is still sticking around because he is scared silly about the possibility of the baby being born. he will stick around just to ensure that it gets aborted.

perhaps he is still hanging around because as soon as the baby is gone, he can go back to b*nking her again, since they have already done it anyway. maybe other targets not so easy to find as of now, or not obtainable immediately.

he 'waited' three years? he started out being a 'good Christian boy'. the sort of bright and innocent boy you see attending church with his parents every sunday. as the years go by, the curiosity got the better of him, so he devised the plot to get Sharepoint.

how has any of this got to do with love?

it is a story of deceit and weakness. nothing to do with love. i have seen enough in my 30 years of age to be able to distinguish what is true love and what is essentially no better than teenagers exploiting one another for moments of pleasure

 

[miloice]

I think its pointless to go on and on about this selfish boy. Not what SharePoint is needing at this moment. Leave him out of the picture completely.

 

[amulet]

http://www.sanctuaryhouse.com.sg/

on top of what Hweebs suggested, this can help u too if u need any counselling service or help..

 

[scope_guy]

LOL~

Yawnz.

 

[clipperjunk]

the only person needing to make this decision is you...your bf has no interest in the baby and has made that very clear, if you want to keep it, then forget about him. he is selfish but so are you if you insist on wanting him to acknowledge the child just because you don't want the baby to be fatherless, he will resent you more even if he doesn't marry you.

you've got to undertake this decision on your own and then deal with the consequences. if you keep the baby, then you will have to repair the relationship with your parents and forget about the bf if he remains adamant and cut off all ties with him and raise the child fatherless. don't ever use the child as a leverage in the future.

 

[sharepoint]

Hi, all

Have a long chat with my mom and bf yesterday night…

I was watching the tv programme ‘明星志工队‘ with my mom and it was a very touching show. I don’t know anyone has watched it but it’s about bunch of kids from a poor rural mountainous area of china on how their struggle with their study, life and family. To me, they are so poor materially but they are so rich in love, the love for their family. A gal spoke about no matter how many new clothes she got for CNY will not make her happier than to reunion with her father because her father was not back due to higher wages during CNY. One talked about giving up his U study in a better U faraway to stay near his grandparents because he is worried about their health. I was visibly quite emotional as I was tearing, my mom saw it and she just hold my hands in hers. I wish she never do it because it remind me of my plight and family…i started crying…my mom was surprised and asked me what happens. I apologized to her for disappointing her and not living up to her expectation…I also confide in her about my feeling and worries about dad’s reaction….she told me she is disappointed initially but told me its ok, everyone make mistake and more importantly is not to repeat it in the future…as for expectation…she told me her expectation for me is very simple…as long as I am safe, healthy and happy…she is happy and told me not to worry too much…she still love me and proud of me…she told me the time when she accompany me to the clinic and saw the baby on the screen…she has mixed feeling….she then realized that her daughter has grown up and is not that little gal anymore…she told me she love the baby and is excited about his arrival albeit not under the situation she expected…but nevertheless…it’s a new life…as for my dad…she told me not to worry…he still love me and she told me a scene she saw while I am away…she saw my dad holding and looking at the scan picture of the baby while she accidentally passed by her room…she has left it on the table…she didn’t disturb him…although she don’t know what is going through his mind but tell me to be patient with my dad.

I then told her about my meeting with my bf and his proposal and may be she was not very happy and asked me where did I find this type of guy and what type of proposal is that…she thought that I already made my mind to keep the baby and why am I still entertaining such proposal from him….like others here…she told me that I must be very firm and focus on my decision….i must show to my dad I am very determined about my decision and a responsible person…I should not waiver under pressure…she told me to stop seeing my bf in future since he don’t want anything to do with the baby and ask my bf to talk to her in future if he has anything…she told me not to worry about how others think…we cannot control but as long as we stay together as a family…giving each other support…we will go through fine…you know…I was so relief and felt assured after this chat with my mom…only now I realized how important and precious are family’s love and bond…

After our chat, I gave a call to my bf. I told him my decision and my discussion with my mom…he was of course very angry and started to raise his voice…I waited till he calm down and thanks him for the fond memories that he brought to me for the past 3 years and told him that if he ever truly love me during this 3 years, I hope he respect my decision and I assured him that there are no any ill intention on my part to keep the baby. I told him I have made a mistake and it should not be paid by the baby’s life, I would have to correct it and take up the consequences. I told him I understand his reluctance to accept under his current situation and if he don’t want to have any part in the baby’s life, I would understand, however, our relationship will have to end here since we have different perspective in life now…I told him I felt sad that things come to this stage but I think its best for both parties. I told him we need to move on with life and not stuck in this situation for ever. I assured him that I will not mentioned anything about the baby to his family and I would also try to hide it from some of our common friends if possible for sometime so others will not make that connection. I told him fate brought us together and no body know about the future…we may or may not meet again but I wish him well….hi, people…i don’t know…may be the last few meetings…both of us are just trying to get what we want for ourselves and demanding something from the person…start accusing each other for the situation…yes…someone said I am being equally selfish if I insist him to get involve in someway if he don’t want any…matka also wrote about talking earnestly about how I feel and not always use ‘you are these and that’ which is confrontational…and may be also the chat I have with my mom…it clears out my thoughts…I thanks all for that…I tried to put myself in his shoe…..i don’t know whether it works on him but he paused for a while…and finally said ‘ do we have to end like that?’…I told him yes and is best for both of us and family….and I thank him for his understanding….after we put down our phone….I received an sms from him ‘ I am sorry and please take care, I have not intention to hurt you.’….ok….may be he got my message….

Thank you all….its an amazing journey for me for the past month and I guess I have found back my direction in life for now….and I indeed learned a lot from your advices and experiences and I am truly grateful to all…no matter how difficult and long is the journey…I believe with my family support and you guys….I am not alone…..thank you.

Joey

 

[ariebeth]

Joey

From your first post til now, you have matured tremendously and I am very happy that your mum is being such a pillar of strength, support and unconditional love for you. I only hope that all the girls out there who are in your shoes would have a support system like yours.

I believe that things with your dad will be okay. Just give him time... don't rush him.

As for things with your EX-bf, I think you handled it really well.

You have a long and arduous journey ahead of you, but you are surely not going through it alone. It is sometimes depressing to read about all the unhappy endings in this forum and with your situation, I've been following this thread since the very beginning, silently cheering you on. If possible, I would love it if you could give us updates now and then on how you are doing.

 

[flyingstar]

Hey Joey

I'm truly happy for you. And I'm glad you have your mom who is supportive of you 100% all the way.

Although things with your ex-bf has ended. But this is just the beginning. I'm sure you will be a great mom in future too!

 

[hweebs]

all the best joey, and take care!

 

[ariel84]

Joey, you are a very brave lady! And you have a wonderful, wonderful mom. And I believe your dad will come around too and support you. And don't forget God, He will never leave or forsake you.

I wish you and your lovely baby all the best!

 

[amulet]

congrats!

you have a very very loving and noble mom..

 

[thommy]

all the best. u will grow up stronger from this experience.

 

[gluttonish]

I was tearing when I was reading your post, was touched by your mum's love, and your perserverence. I'm sure your baby will be very proud to have a mummy like you.

I also felt very touched when I read the part about your dad looking the scan picture of your baby. I'm sure he will be a very doting and proud grandfather when your little bundle of joy arrive.

 

[ariebeth]

Glutton: My eyes were watering like a baby's too when I was reading it... luckily nobody walked past my cubicle *sniff*

 

[scope_guy]

还没过å±é™©æœŸï¼Œæœ‰ä»€ä¹ˆå¥½é«˜å…´çš„？呵呵~
这女å­è¿˜æ˜¯æ‡µæ‡µæ‡‚懂……

 

[miloice]

SharePoint,
stay positive and prepare yourself in the best possible way for your pregnancy and child birth.

It is going to be tough, very tough. But you have already toughen your mind. Keep at that. I wish you strength and happiness. Take care.

 

[shannat]

joey, im so glad for u.

you hv such a loving n supportive mum! your dad, im sure he cares for u very much too.
be brave n be strong ok?
nth is impossible if we work hard for it.

世上无难事，åªæ€•æœ‰å¿ƒäºº!
jia you!

 

[nichie]

Hi, Joey

I see you have made up your mind, I can only wish you well and all the best.

You have a very loving mom....

 

[renerene]

Hi Joey, glad to know that your dad has started to slowly reconcile with the fact. I think being an Asian, he doesn't feel comfortable embracing it openly so soon.

Don't worry about your child being fatherless. Let your child know that everybody has a father but unfortunately, his father is not the right man for you and him (the baby) at the right time. You will know that Mr. Right has come, when he loves you and your child unconditionally like your mom does now. Nothing is impossible. Have faith.

I hope you are inspired by your mom's love to be a great mother like her to your child. All the best. Hope you will post your baby's scan pic someday, I'm sure we will all be happy for you.