How to overcome post abortion effect?

I came across this forum when surfing the net.

I am 22 and I think I am pregnant. I cannot keep the baby and let anyone know about it for sure. My boyfriend is still studying and don’t want the baby too. I learnt while surfing for abortion information that baby can feel even it is a few months old, true? Of course this information might be a propaganda from those anti-abortionist, baby can’t possibly feel anything when they are a bunch of cells. What I am afraid is the psychological effect of post abortion. Can anyone share their experience? Any ways or method to overcome or lessen the intensity of this effect in the fastest way?


New Member
Hi Sharepoint,

Dont think? you need to go for check up 1st to confirm that you are pregnant or not rather than thinking too much..
sorry, may be I should put it more clearly. I tested it with those pregnant testing kits from guidiance, 2 lines appear which means pregnant as indicated on the box, should be accurate rite? My period did not come this month too. So do I still need to see a doctor?


Well-Known Member
Sharepoint, there was a documentation called the silent scream. Do watch it.

Nothing in life is perfect. Its not about making perfect choices. You weigh the odds and risk and bear with the consequence that comes with it. Take care!

And yes, you should still see a doc. It could also be a false positive. Key lesson to learn, when you are not ready, take the needed precautions. You only have one body, u screw it up, u live with it. Regret also no point.


Active Member
Before the gynae performs the abortion, he/she will test you to be positive first for pregnancy. I think the gynae may even do an ultrasound on you and depending on how big the foetus is, it may show up as a sac.

For emotional support, if you can't turn to any friends, how about calling a crisis helpline?
Yes, Milo, I understand there is no point regretting and I need to live with the consequences….that….I perfectly understood. I know I screwed up my life and I am now trying to go back where it started.

Do I need to see a gynae or a normal family doctor will do?

I don’t think talking to a helpline will help…..I cannot keep the baby…there is only one way for me……..I just want to know the psychological effect of abortion and how people deal with it………


Well-Known Member
I suggest to see a normal GP 1st to confirm the pregnancy. But the gynae probably have the complete equipment for all the required tests?

Maybe ladies could comment??


New Member
you can't generalize how people feel post abortion. some guilt over it while others were just glad to get rid of the 'condition'.

since you know you can't keep the baby, just do so and not explore the supposed psychological effects, so you'll weep once in a while over a reflective moment but at least you'll be where you want...


New Member
cannot keep as in not allowed to let anyone know u are pregnant, or that there is no allowance of the child to be born? If have to abort, the best way to protect your ego is what clipper suggested: don't think about it. Don't even think about your foetus having a life. Just take it that you are removing a lump of flesh.

If the child cannot have people responsible for it (as in can be born), how about giving birth and giving it for adoption?


New Member
Hi Sharepoint,

U can call up KK to book an appointment for abortion.

They will make an arrangement for u to go for ultra sound + counselling by the senior nurse.

A gynae will be assign to u and perform the operation.
Thanks all for your advise and comments.

It has been 2 weeks since I last found out that I am pregnant and I felt that there are changes going in my body that is affecting my mood and my emotion. I was very determine to get rid of it when I first found out but I am not so as firm now…..alot is going through my mind…….i don’t know why but I keep telling myself to do it asap or I might not have the courage to do it if I wait longer….it is really torturing……..

I have ever thought of keeping the baby but it is not a decision that I can made alone…I need my bf support and stand by me…but sad to say…he is not willing to. Today, when met, the first thing he asked was when I am going to get rid of the baby……when he saw there is no response from me, he is a bit agitated and want me to make a decision fast….i was very angry then….I felt so frustrated…I felt that he is so uncaring, never asked me how I felt about this whole thing………I burst out and tell him that I will do it tomorrow but he has to accompany me…but he said he don’t wish to as he felt ‘paisei’ and what if someone he know saw him… can he said that!....I left immediately….

Yes, Milo is right, I should have taken precaution to protect myself. We never think of doing it initially but thing kind of get out of hand…when I tried to stop but he told me not to worry and he will not ejaculate in me…plus it is my ‘safe’ period…..I relented. He did what he said but I still don’t understand how can I get pregnant….he is surprise too when I told him. He is certainly worried when knew about it as he came from a conservative family but of course the main reason he gave is that he don’t have the ability to get married and support a family now since he is still studying and both of us is too young to be tied down by baby and responsibilities of a parent….I kind of agreed then as I felt I am still young and there are still so many things in life to pursue…….

Sorry for being so long winded………….

Good nite.


Well-Known Member
Withdrawal technique is a poor form of contraception because there is pre cum that leaks. It contains sperms as well. It's really nothing surprising abt that. Think carefully on how you are going to handle it. It's your life, baby, mistake. You write your own future. The baby doesn't need a perfect environment. It only need your perfect love and commitment. Can u do that? And do u want to? It's hard. But we need to make tough decisions.
Once u r done deciding... Dun look back. Pick up the pieces where u were and move on to the next chapter. This is a painful chapter that u will never forget but u need to move on regardless.

If u believe in God. it's time to pray and ask for his wisedom. U need ever support possible. Take care!


New Member
Baby will feel the pain or not, it's all still a big mystery. What I can assure here, the guilt stays forever. I myself, is a murderess 3 times over. Just becos I was too soft-hearted towards my boyfriend. WRONG! I should have taken better care of myself, but I did not. And I thought by getting rid of them, the trouble would be over.

Every year, I'm constantly reminded of them... How old they would be.... Will we be teasing each other now? Playing loads of games together? I am now a mother of 2 boys... no girls yet. And I will think back on, whether one of them should be a girl....

It's for sure your boyfriend will want you to go for abortion, for it doesn't affect him at all! 'Sorry to guys here, but it's true. With the number of friends whom had also gone through abortion under pressure from their boyfriend.' Only to lose the guy after.

I will recommend that you be honest with your mum. And allow her to share her point of view with you. By hiding it from her, and hurting your body this way, you are hurting your mum much much more. I know it, cos I accidently spilled out that I went for abortion before... My mother shed tears... But silently brew more tonic for me.

I have an article, from Chleo magazine. Mum is 36 yrs old. Daughter is 21 yrs old. THus.... you can guess how old did the mum gave birth to the daughter. She was also dumped by her man. But she made it through, for her daughter. Be strong willed.... and trust you can make it through. It's a life you both had created. Don't take it away so easily?????

Leecoco has a point.. Besides i heard that not all the gynea at the private clinics will do the abortions and will direct u to the private hospital or KKH for the abortion due to their beliefs in not taking the little lives away. (i recalled reading that piece of informations from mummies in sg mummy.)

Do give KKH a call and make appointment if u decide to abort your baby but try not to delay till the unborn foetus is 3mths.

Wish u all the best and do pray for peace for your mind. Take care too!


Sharepoint, you are still young @ 22yo. If you really decide not to keep the baby, please make decision asap before the fetus growing bigger by each day. You definitely need the support of your close frds and your boyfrd.

After the abortion, advise you to have at least 1 wk of rest, no moving/going out unnecessarily. Buy some tonics to boost up your health.

I do not encourage abortion, but eventually the decision is yours to keep or abort. My wife have miscarriage and abortion experience before, that's why I understand and felt her ordeal.

Take care.


New Member
Abortion can be a really traumatic experience. Imagine killing a life before its even born into this world..somemore your own flesh and blood.

Next time if you two cannot stand the urge, please remember to use rubber.


Active Member
I don't understand why crisis helpline is not helpful when you haven't even called it. I was thinking you could call the helpline after your abortion if you need to talk to someone.

If I am not wrong, the foetus under 12weeks can be sucked out. Beyond 12weeks it has to be scrapped out using tools, and there will be risk of scarring to the womb, etc. So, if you decide on abortion you should see a gynae very soon because it's not like you want an abortion today it can be done then and there. You still need to wait for a schedule and that can mean whether you fall within the 12weeks or beyond.


New Member
doLL> d/c is required from 8week onwards.. not just after 12weeks..

Sharepoint> your fetus is not just a bunch of cells.. from 5weeks onwards, it's heart is beating, the nervous system is developing..

Take heart that keeping the baby is a decision that is fully in YOUR hands.. you do not need to rely on the decision of ur BF..

it's clear that he is an uncaring boy who just wans to push all the shame(if any) and pain(definitely) to you alone..

but if you decide to go for abortion, do note that it's ur own will own action own decision..
I can endure the physical pain of abortion but I am not sure about the psychological effect that comes after it. I have read people regretting and felt guilty for as long as they live…………. Hi, Chili Queen….I cant imagine how you have survive and get over with it for 3 times…..but I guess you are a tough lady and your own ways of overcoming your emotion……..same for your wife, Rofthelper.

It is precisely the reason I don’t want to tell my mum because I don’t want to hurt her and bring shame to her and family………..I have a brother and I am the only daughter……the hurt will be too great for them to take it……they are always proud of me infront of their relatives and friends….how are they going to face them if they knew about it especially infront of their church friends? Being pregnant before marriage is already a big mistake and I cannot afford to make another by hurting them….being a single mother……I might not have a home to return to….there are a lot of uncertainty…

Yes, I am not very happy with bf response so far….we have been together for 3 years……his actions have disappointed me….I felt he should act more like a man and at least accompany me to the clinic even he want an abortion….the operation is on me not him!.......Chili Queen….I really hope he is not the type of guy you have mentioned…………although we never discuss marriage in detail before but at least it is our intention after few more years…..

I have regretted what I have done ….and felt selfish and guilty thinking of going for abortion……I think I will not get peace of mind no matter how hard I pray….


New Member
Sharepoint> 2 wrongs doesn't make one right.. Being pregnant before marriage is not the real mistake, the real mistake here is premarital sex (if we are talking from religious view).. but going for abortion is an even bigger mistake(in God's eyes) as compared to getting pregnant out of wedlock..

If you do decide to keep the child, your prayers would be heard.. like it did for me.. my ex was worst than your bf and i prayed hard.. I prayed for the strength for me and my child to walk on alone in God's grace.. and He gave me and my child so much strength in our heart and body since Day1.. Trust in Him and He will put all things in place for your faith in He.. Since it's Him who sent the child to you..

jus sharing here.. =)


New Member
doLL> yeah.. 2 kind of methods are used before 12 weeks.. D/C is a similar method to suction.. scraping of the womb is still involved in both methods

Suction Aspiration:
This is the most common method of abortion during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy. General or local anaesthesia is given to the mother and her cervix is quickly dilated. A suction curette (hollow tube with a knife-edged tip) is inserted into the womb. This instrument is then connected to a vacuum machine by a transparent tube. The vacuum suction, 29 times more powerful than a household vacuum cleaner, tears the fetus and placenta into small pieces which are sucked through the tube into a bottle and discarded.

Dilation and Curettage (D&amp;C)
This method is similar to the suction method with the added insertion of a hook shaped knife (curette) which cuts the baby into pieces. The pieces are scraped out through the cervix and discarded


New Member
And to think that my husband and I could not have children. We are already in our 40s and have given up all hopes of ever having our own children. Sigh!


New Member

i think we/u should not discuss this further until u have made a decision. Keep or abort...if u decide to abort, what we have wrote here just helps to make you feel more guilty and psychologically damaged after u abort. Decide, and we will give you more information.


Active Member
Faith, cannot like this say mah. It's different for every couple, every person. TS cannot keep the baby based on the pain or emptiness that childless couples feel.

Childlessness is a totally different story. You could look at alternatives like adoption or be close to your siblings' children.


New Member
the reason why you've read so many regret stories is simply because those are the stories that sell and no one in their right mind would admit they were happy to abort. in your case, you seem unable to shake off this guilt trip so perhaps you ought to consider otherwise...


New Member
hi Sharepoint. i have no practical advice for you as i have no similar experience.

at the risk of being lambasted by fellow forummers out there, as someone who has some belief in alternative healing, i offer a suggestion from which there is no harm trying. pls note that there is ABSOLUTELY NO medical basis for this act.

set aside a private moment in a space where you are alone. speak to the foetus using your mind and willpower. tell the foetus about your present problem that makes it effectively impossible for you to keep it. ask the foetus, when it is time to abort it, to leave your body peacefully. and when the right time comes, you and it can have each other again.

this is based on anecdoctal stories i have read from women who have unwanted pregnancy. some of them reported having spontaneous miscarriages after doing so.

in the meantime, as the forummers have suggested, seek medical attention and advice immediately. do NOT hesitate.

i do not want to rub salt into your wound right now. but this incident serves as a lesson for you and all ladies out on how careless and unprotected sex can leave serious adverse physical consequences, be it an unwanted pregnancy or a sexually transmitted disease. i want to call out to all women out there - pls stand up for your rights. have NO fear when you are protecting your body and exercising your freedom of choice.always insist on a condom when it can serve as a contraceptive device or a prevention against STD.


New Member
May Ong,

Got some time so come back read, and discover your way of will power...

Just a joke...

Why not concentrate your will power, tell your toe about your present situation, and let me chew it off from you... ... LOL~


Hey~ Biology is not voodoo! LOL~

May, thanks for the joke.
It’s late but I am unable to sleep….i felt so helpless and lonely now……I felt like my life is going to change for ever due to my folly moment…..

I have been unable to sleep well these few days and I was waked up from a nightmare last night crying … the dream….i saw a little boy crying very pitifully sitting alone in an empty room……I felt like I am outside of the room looking through the window……I wanted to save the boy but I cannot find any door to go in and all the windows are locked…..i found myself running round and round desperately to find a door to go in……then…suddenly the crying stop and when I look inside the boy is gone……don’t know why…but I felt very sad and started to cry……that’s when I woke up to find myself with tears……. I don’t know why I have such strange dreams but may be is the stress I have since I know that I am pregnant. However, this dream did help me to clear up some thoughts and blocks in me and decided to talk to my bf about the possibility of keeping the baby because we have been talking about getting rid of the baby but never once discuss about the possibility of keeping it. I don’t know whether I am making the right decision because I don’t think I am ready to be someone mother now. There are also the problems of telling both parents about our matter but I believe with his support, I will able to face the pressure and uncertainty. I know he is not quite agreeable to keep the baby but I pray to god that he will change his mind.

We met and he apologized for his previous insensitive behavior and promise me that he will accompany me to the hospital for the operation. However, when I told him the idea of keeping the baby, he was very shocked and asked me why. I told him that I cant bear to go for abortion as I will not able to forgive myself and I will feel guilty for a long time. I told him that the baby is innocent and he/she should not pay with his life for our moment of folly………. He look frustrated with my idea and told me that we are still young and should not be tied down by a baby at this age, we should be working and enjoying hard…….we are still young and we can have babies anytime in future…..we have nothing and how are we going to support a baby……moreover, his parents will definitely kill him if they know of such thing. I told him that at least he should try to discuss this with his parents and they might not react in the way he thought so. He stop me from saying further and told me that he will never allow anything to disrupt his current lifestyle, not even the baby, he told me that if I insist to have it then I will be on my own and want nothing to do with the baby. I was so hurt and angry, is he asking me to choose between him and the baby?.....he want nothing to with me if I choose the baby..? how can he said something so hurting……I started to cry……he softened alittle when saw me crying, he said sorry to me and told me that he love me……not that he don’t like the baby but just that he is not ready……he told me to quickly make an appointment with the hospital and let him know the date……he said we should not humanized the fetus..its only fetus and not a baby……we should not think too much about it……

At this point, I know I am unable to persuade him and told him that if he truly love me, he should give me strength and support me on my decision and will never allow me to do something that will hurt and make me regret for the rest of my life… you really will leave us if I decided to keep the baby………he paused for a while……I am very nervous then, i really pray hard that he will give a positive answer……..but sad to say….the only words from him is….I am sorry……yes…he is sorry….that’s all he can say….i felt very sad for myself then…..i left without saying anything but in my heart….i was hopping that he will call me back and told me that he didn’t meant to say that….but…no he didn’t……I don’t know how I get back home…..all I know is that I am crying while driving because I felt so lonely and sad…..

What choice do I have now?.......i am afraid I have none……i don’t think I am strong enough to be a single parent….what will happens to my life if I become one….what about my parents… people will look at me and my parents……how will people look at the child….will he be discriminated….will he grow up to be a normal child…..will he hate me for bring him to this world…..what will be my future……I don’t know……there are lots of what if……..tonight…while lying on my bed…..i told my baby that I am very sorry…….i told him that I tried my best and I do not have the courage to walk down the unknown path together with him…..i felt sad and sorry for not able to be his mother and hope that he will come back to me to be my baby when I am ready to have him next time…………….i told him that although we are together for only a short while but it was one of the most magical time of my life……a new life in my body….i love him…and I hope he will found love and care in god’s arm…..please forgive me, baby.


Active Member
i'm not going to make u feel gd...

cos it's never gd to take away a LIFE!

but i guess u'll hv to let it go...

learn ur lesson. be a RESPONSIBLE person!

and dump that lousy bf of yours...


New Member
Hi Sharepoint,

If he loves you, he would love you with or without the baby. I think he is unsure and gan cheong, so he probably wants to hide the matter... and there is a big chance he'd get rid of you when he has enough sex from you or when he graduated... and can meet other women.

You can talk to his parents, if they are nice people... the baby can be saved; if your boyfriend loves you truly, he'd marry you anyway. If you both ain't in love... why fvck in the first place?

But... be very careful to marry ONLY because of the baby. You can be a happy single mother still, after the initial frustration and anger and disappointment... And there is like baby bonus to buffer you for a while. It should handle you and your baby till he is close to one year old. And combined with the money you wanted to waste on the abortion... It'd feed him till 1.6 years old.

You do not need courage... You are not hopeless yet.

He won't be discriminated lah~ LOL~

Look... if your boyfriend ditches you because you deliver the baby, just as well. With the baby, if you then meet a man who truly loves you, he'd love the baby as well. And don't worry, there will be such a man if you are decent enough.

Marry young or old is not an issue... The issue is whether you truly love out of true love, silly girl... ... When I was in college, I met someone, if she and I got together, we'd be married in our early 20s... ...

Straighten your thought. If you seriously want the baby... keep it. Don't be afraid he'd leave you. Chances are... if you abort, he'd later abort you all the same.

Love... learn this lesson, and know what true love is all about.

It's your choice, not his. This is your body, this is your baby... So... ...


New Member

I doubt your baby will be back to be your baby again cause based on my friends experiences, they usually don't end up marrying the jerks who told them to go abortion.
How old is he and he's afraid of his parents? Such men who told the gf to go abortion will usually abort their gfs eventually.
And this abortion thing is gonna affect your relationship with him. Someday he might gt sick of you kept mentioning about the abortion.

It's pretty common to be a single mom these days and nothing wrong with "fatherless" on the birth certificate, Our entire family are proud of my cousin who is "fatherless".
U will never regret giving birth to a lovely child but will definately regret aborting one. be strong, have the courage to talk to your parents if u decide to keep.
Alot of peeps shotguns in the 80s and its already 2010 now, there's nothing to be ashame of.

read your post, make me think that your boyfriend is indeed selfish only think of himself and his own lifestyle, etc blah blah, anyway i dun think u two will end up being married after the abortion part.

I dunno abt others but my sister did not end up together with her previous beau after her abortion last time. so is my husband too. He was too selfish too when his previous gf went thru abortions. Did he end up marrying his previous gf?, the answer is NO!.

So the decision is yours alone, not your bf even though he did play a part in fathering your child.


New Member

just sharing, I have yet to face anyone who discriminates my child.. She is just as happy and contented as any other child from dual-parents family.

Neither do me nor my parents face any shame or discrimination.

If you gets over the mental barrier that it's shameful to be a single-parent, then no one can find a way to make u feel shameful. there is NOTHING shameful to being a single mom. like leecoco said, it is 2010 already.

as for what will be your future, it lies on ur hands. some single mom wasted their and their child's future away coz they refuse to work on it and keep believing that they have no future, and their immaturity.

some build up their life and future, and through that, their child benefit greatly. look at Ginny Phang.. she is a certified doula and founder of the Fourth Trimester. she achieved all these despite her being a single mom to her only son.

as for your bf, it's clear that he doesn't loves u truly.. u guys will still breakup eventually. he is just using his parents as an excuse. he is selfish and love himself more than loving you.. that is clear. dump him, with or without the abortion.


New Member
Just a clarification...

There is no need to jump on whether the boyfriend truly loves her or not. If it's just a bad situation and he's feeling panick... it has nothing to do with love or no love.

But if he really loves you, after the initial shock, with or without the baby, you'd be together. It's really your decision on your baby. And you are really like too irrational for a sound decision.

After all... even for some married guys, when they first confront the prospect of pregnancy, some may panick as well... not to say a young inexperienced fvcker... ...

I was only addressing to your point about him leaving if you don't abort... I just want to say that this is not even a point. Remember the basis of any relationship is love, not other women, other things, and not the baby...

Yes, you face difficulties in thinking about the prospect of having tha baby so young... so would he. But still, we are not you people... So you must understand that we can only generally offer our opinions.

Love will find a way, my dear.


Active Member
i think being a single mom is just too big a responsibility for a 22 yr old kid to bear... provided she has enuff guts to convince her parents to help her. but, frankly, can u blame them if they say 'no'?

well, doing the 'rite' thing at the wrong time is not going to make it rite.

for lessening of guilt, why not give birth to the baby and put it up for adoption?


New Member
i don't think 22 yrs old is a kid.. she is already an adult. we are not talking about a 15 yrs old teenager here..

i faced this when i was 19 yrs old and i manage to make it through without taking a cent from my parents..


Active Member
obviously she is not as strong as u

what wks for u might not wk for her.


New Member
I agree with junkie...22 is usually not an age to be a mother, unless u are from 30years ago. I can actually understand where your bfren is coming from...look at the many forumers here who had got married because of the baby, when neither the man nor woman is ready or matured for marriage. Wrong time, and wrong reasons, and in the end everyone suffers and is unhappy. I will really suggest adoption: you will not feel guilty about killing a life, the child gets best care and support from people who are ready and yearning for a child, you get to keep your connection to your child (if you can arrange it), and you can spend time doing things you want to do. Win-win


Active Member
Rem, since your parents couldn't take care of themselves guess they couldn't take care of you and your baby. So your "i manage to make it through without taking a cent from my parents" was more circumstantial than choice, I guess.


Active Member
At 22 I don't think age is relevant. Why is 22 not an age to be a mother? But that is not saying I agree she should be a mother but the argument using age is pretty lame.

She is ready for the baby. Being a single mother is not easy for sure - she will need support of parents if the bf is not supporting..

First question she should ask is whether she has the necessary support? If she don't have the support and she is not strong enough then she really has little choice:

a) Gives birth and gives up for adoption
b) Abortion

No easy choice here but that is reality. Each has different aspect to look at..


New Member
folks shouldn't mistake what they went through as a universal remedy for others in the same situation...just as many single mothers succeeded in raising unplanned kids, there are also many who failed miserably.....


New Member

i would say half of each.. it's our circumstance that help us make our choices..

my family is those mid-low income ones.. my father have not been responsible for the family since i can remember.. it was my mum who raise me and my brother single-handedly..

it's in me and my bro to try to lessen her burden as soon as we can, in ways which we can..

of coz, if i can bear to place that burden of my child on her by letting her 'feed' my child on my behalf, she can make it by slogging like a cow outside..

my mum did suggest to me that i be a SAHM to my child and she will bring the bread home..

but still it is indeed my own responsibilities towards my own child.. so, no.. i chose to feed my child myself and still maintain a sum of monthly allowance to her..