"Guo Da Li (过大礼)" ??

[rosewhite]

Hi gals thanks for the advices. Suddenly thought of one thing.. for the dowry right.. usually how are the notes given? It is kinda difficult to put so many small notes into the red packet.. then if put big notes then difficult for bride's side to take or return the amt they want right? So is it going to be a mixure? Like abit messy?

During GDL.. is it okay to have groom to come with his siblings? Like brother or sister?

 

[monkie]

rosewhite,
assume they give u $1000, they can just slip a $1000 note.
then u return $500 doesn't mean the $500 note must be the same note as the groom give u.

 

[jgal]

actually, you shld not worry abt notes...
Normally, PJ or AP will end with 8. e.g. PJ for example is $3888 ,2888 or 1888 etc..($1000x ?, $500 x1,$100 x3 ,$50 x 1 , $2x4)
You shld be able to return $888 or 888 , 288 ,188 back easily. So it's okay.

for AP, same thing lor.. 88 ( $50x1 , $10 x3 , $2x4) .. so you can return 28 ($10x2+ $2x4), 18

BTW, hmm..For us , cantonese/hokkien, we give pants/pants AP with the return pig during the AD..

It to be place in the middle, taking the place of the "cut" away part.

 

[rosewhite]

Hi cynthia & JGal,

Thank you for sharing.

I am very afraid of doing the wrong step cos it is the first time my family having wedding.. alot of things very blur & messy

Then GDL.. my hubby can come with his siblings or must be anunties? Bride's side have to give angbao to the represtatives right?

By the way, as for the angbao for grandaprents & siblings.. usually what is the amt? Especially father, how much to give.. cos mum having the nappy angbao?

thanks

 

[monkie]

hi rose white
no worries of doing wrong step..because no matter how much homework we do, sure got mistkaes here and there.
since you are the first to get married, so no one really knows what is right or wrong. so you can set a benchmark for people to follow in future.

ur hubby can come with anyone. of cos, if the things are heavy, the its better to get his brothers for help. like if your parents request for roasted pigs, cans of trotter etc..

bride's side have to give AP to grooms representatives.

as for how much to give, really have to depend on yourself, like budget... no1.. really borther about the amt, its the heart that counts. if he/she is so mindful of the figure, the person wun borther to help out in the first place.

nappy $, range from $188 or even more...just a small token will do...

 

[ppiggypig]

hihi
wat is nappy $??

 

[monkie]

nappy $ is to show appreciation to our mother who used to wash our nappies when we was a baby.

 

[cactus_79]

some dialect groups give trotters!

 

[hapimint]

my mum wants trotters and also nappy $ but well, we shall give a small token... hehe

 

[ppiggypig]

nappy and ping jing not the same?

 

[skittles]

Hi Piggypig,

No, bride price and nappy money are not the same thing. I didn't know about this too, until I read about this on the forum here. I didn't know if nappy money was widely practised here as my mom didn't ask for it. My mother-in-law asked my hubby to give my mom an additional AP as nappy money too. So yeahh my mom was indeed happy when she received the nappy AP from my husband at the GDL!

Typically, the bride's mother will not ask for nappy money ; it should be given out of the groom's initiative. This is to show the appreciation from the groom and his family towards the bride's mother for raising the bride. The nappy AP amount will be lower than the bride price, as it is merely a token. The bride price usually runs in thousands.

 

[ppiggypig]

OIC!!! thanks skittles for sharing

mind remind my hubby liao

 

[rosewhite]

Hi Cynthia,

Thank you for the advice..

Now think of it.. the grooms like have to give many angbaos (those for auspicious sake). If give to bride's family members on GDL, does he have to give angbaos to them again on AD?

Hi piggypig,
In the past i have also never heard of nappy angbaos.. my friends who got married did not have this as well.. i only got to know thru this forum.

 

[monkie]

hi rosewhite
on AD, he need not to give to bride's family UNLESS during tea ceremony where he need to give AP to the bride's yonger generations when tea serve to the couple.

 

[rosewhite]

Hi cynthia..

thank you..

 

[monkie]

no problem....

 

[elias29]

Hi, heard that that's a shop selling GDL items near the temp market in Chinatown. Anyone has any idea where is this shop? Thanks..

 

[icyger82]

Hi,

anyone can email the details to me?
[email protected]

 

[pel]

Hi Janet,

Can you send me the list to [email protected]? Thanks.

 

[tom_yam_goong]

Hi Janet,

Can sent the list to me also too? I have the email [email protected]

I finded this wedsite got some infos that I can used. Mayeb no enough infors, so I wanted to have the list for me to preparattion for weding

http://www.tianlufengshui.com/chinese-customary-marriages-part1.htm

 

[kovankitty]

Hi,

Does anyone know if the bride needs to be present during the Guo Da Li when the groom brings the gifts over?

Will the presence of the bride's parents/elders be sufficient?

 

[pinpong]

Hi Kovankitty

Heard from my mama, it is not a must lah, depend on individual. My mama wasn't present when my papa & his party brought over d stuff for GDL.

My cousin wasnt ard during d GDL too

For my case, i was present.

 

[danshir]

eh.. wat if my dad is a vegetarian and he don't want the pig trotters or those meats. Wat can i use to substitue?

 

[jacrudo]

use longan can if its okie. cos my parents both vegetarian and they use longan cans to replace meats

 

[gayletan81]

just to rant abit abt my GDL...

right from the beginning i asked my grandma what she wanted (my mum is not fussy, have or dun have nvmind)...then she say "anything anything, ask you father". i ask my father, he also say anything. so i left it up to my hubby's parents to deal w it. whatever they want to give just give. doesnt bother me.

so at dinner one day, grandma started asking abt the GDL. so i listed some of the stuff they giving, orange, liqour, cake, pig trotter etc. i mention that now adays ppl give can pig trotters. anyway is for 'yi-si' only mah.

then next day, got call from my step-mum (dad's new wife) saying that better to give real pig trotter. my grandma felt can ones is cheapskate! wah lau! how much is a pig trotter! ok..so whatever, i told my in-laws that my side want real one. they very kindly obliged. somehow thru some discussion my side realised that the real pig trotter is raw one (didnt occur to me b4)..my father thought is gonna be like stewed 'te-kah'. the one u buy from food stall! when i told him, he say, how come like that? why not cooked one? (aiyo..how i know who invent this tradition!)then he decided don't want real one liao. so i told my in-laws...too late..order liao!...hahah...i can't imagine the look on my dads face when a whole RAW pig's leg is presented to him!!!hahah!

i feel so pai-seh kept bugging in-laws w this pig leg thing...one minute want, one minute dont want. obviously ppl give can pig trotters cos its much more convenient! not because they wanna save money on a pig's leg!

anyway, my GDL is this sat, so im waiting to see what my dad does with the whole pig leg!!

 

[rasa]

hey gayle.

Actually i remember seeing before raw pig's leg that is being used for GDL. I think it's either one of my cousins or friends.

The pig's leg will come on a red metal plate - kinda like the Chinese wash basin. Got knows wat they do with it.

So how many pieces of pig legs were delivered?

Ai yeah, basically all the rites & traditions of GDL are so long ago, my MIL & my own parents couldn't even explain to me why certain things had to be done or given.

I told them before the GDL & the wedding, I will do watever you guys want, but you must tell me in advance (not last minute) and also explain the reason behind it. Coz if I want to keep the tradition next time when I have kids, I need to know why certain things are done, maybe certain things can skip or certain things can do in a different way.

Their expressions when I told them I want to hear the reason, you would have tot I've told the old folks that I want to wear all black on my wedding day. They kept going ("got no reason one lah, just do..."). Sorry, no reason I cannot accept.

I think at one point my MIL was probably thinking why this daughter in law so troublesome... cannot just follow orders.

 

[gayletan81]

hi rasa,

finally its over, things went pretty ok. i told my hubby to bring both canned ones n the real pig leg just in case. it was quite funny, the pig leg came in a red basket tray, wrapped in plastic w a red 'xi' pasted on it. it was just one leg.

this whole thing is so stupid. i understand u wanting to know the reasons behind the stuff u doing. dun wanna blindly do just for the sake of doing.

i ended up buying all the baby bath tub/ spittoon/ sewing kit/ etc etc...i dont even know what im going to do with it when im done. but at least my MIL told me in advance n even went w me to buy. not last minute.

i really dont mind doing all this stuff, just as long as u tell me before hand n make things clear! no last minute stuff pls!

in the end my mum took the leg home to cook. i just had some for dinner...yummy

 

[rasa]

gayle, good for you!

I totally agree with you on the baby bath tub/spitton thing... it will just take up precious space, I dun even have enuff space for my handbags, but cannot throw away these things some more.

I was asking my MIL, what I was supposed to do with the baby tub etc. She told me "oh you can save it for when u have kids."

Err... my sis-in-law who has kids now never bathed e kids in this kinda of Chinese bathtub thingy, and my MIL also never told her to bath e kids when they were babies in the bathtub.... you've got to be kidding me, man.

I think some of the traditions are just one big con job by the shops.... if it really is so important, how come no one knows why we need it?

Did you go throught the "my parents want e.g. 13 cans of pig trotters, but HTB will bring 18 cans, so the parents can 'return' him 6 cans"? When I first heard abt the giving & 'returning', I commented immediately, "why dun u just bring enuff, no need so troublesome to bring back & forth?" Again, kena by the old folks.

 

[gayletan81]

haha...that was exactly the same thing my MIL told me when i said i dunno what to do with the stuff after the wedding. she say can use it for our baby next time! i was like har? the spittoon too? let the baby pee/poo inside?? aiyo..but in the end i just got the stuff to avoid any misunderstanding

my parents didnt request for anything, just let my ILs give whatever n we return half of everything they gave. (except the stupid raw pig leg..we kept the whole thing)at first my ILs thought must return part of the pig leg too...i ask which part she say she think is the foot part! i was like har? so we must cut off the feet n return to you?? i thought 'OK...but that is so strange'...in the end no need to return any of the real leg. Phew!

oh ya..n they gave 2 bottles liqour n we give back 2 bottles orange squash. n the ang bao, my mum took abt 1/3 n give back the rest. hehe...got one more funny thing...they give 12 oranges in the red basket, n we must take out the 12 n give 12 oranges of our own! hah! n all the stuff must paste 'xi' sticker(given by my MIL), by the time my hubby came w the stuff i was still struggling to paste finish our 12 oranges. (dunno why but v difficult to peel off the sticker)

ya the 'returning' part is quite silly too...my dad lives in the west, my ILs live in the east. me n hubby somewhere in the middle. my hubby had to drive to his parents house early in the morning to collect the stuff, drive all the way to my dad house to give, n they wanted him to drive back to the east to 'return' the stuff and come back to the west where we were going to have lunch! lucky he protest, in the end compromise, n my hubby brought the return stuff to his sister's place nearby to put first then meet us for lunch. n after lunch, his parents had to go pick up the stuff from his sister's place then bring them home!OMG i really dun understand why can't just put in car n bring along for lunch then bring home at the end.

as the wedding draws nearer n nearer, i realise our wedding is more for our parents than it is for us.

im just lucky my ILs r nice n not the nasty type, if not things can get difficult cos my dad is kinda hard to please. isn't it strange, usually is the mother that has issues, but here is my dad.

....aiya...but then again, my dad also helped us out alot eg. lend us his car for bridal car, paid a big chunk of our new place etc. Oh well...what to do. sometimes we have to go with the flow n just do stuff to please others even though we find it ridiculous.

 

[rasa]

Hey, I also. I even told my husband before we get married that we should have my dad & his mom fight it out in a locked room, whoever survives get to tell us what to do.

But maybe it's becoz both my dad and his mom are Cantonese....although my husband & I dated for 8 yrs before tying the knot, I only saw all the funny 'pattern' of my MIL during the wedding planning.

I think of my wedding as challenging my people management skills to the max.

 

[ppiggypig]

you babes are so lucky to have MIL who are so anxiously preparing stuff for your GDL!!!

 

[rasa]

piggypig

Harlow.... you got read carefully or not? You think the MIL prepare stuff for our GDL? Not all brides are so lucky.

It's more of a top-down mgmt.... I say, you (aka bride) do. What I don't understand is that how come so many MILs just tell the brides, but not the groom. Afterall, 2 ppl are getting married.... tell your son lah! You gave birth to him, why u cannot tell him to do things.

I think they scared that their son will tell them directly, "No, I don't want to do." But the daughter-in-law different.... she wun say "No".

 

[monkie]

to some MIL, DIL is just an outsider...
also, they want to be in their upper hand to control their DIL because they feel so insecure in their heart. they afraid their son will not listen to them anymore.

 

[pinpong]

Hi Cynthia

Yeah... personally i see it as MIL want to test test water, & hav an upper hand.

Got a taste of dat medicine during our preparation. ; )

 

[ppiggypig]

oh well, at least they (aka MIL) tell u (aka bride) what to do lor!!

mine stop their act after giving us our GDL date!! And me hv to run around preparing stuff for their son to bring to my mom..piangz!!!

 

[pinpong]

Oh piggypig

Actually HB & me handling most of d wedding preparation ourselves. except for my side (bride's side) got my mama, aunties & cousin to help & advise.

Actually come to think of it, i shuld be quiet rest & relax, if not, for having to help to handle d groom's side preparation, but not openly one, as dun want to invit gossip/ more mis-comm.

 

[monkie]

i will be having my GDL in 1 months time...hmmm...we going to a shop at jurong west to buy our stuffs.

 

[ppiggypig]

ya ice, my side (bride side) also got my mama and aunties who are so anxious about the whole affair. they are organising a party at my house on our GDL..

sigh..i also quietly prepare everything for my hubby's side, dun want my parents to know and get upset!!

 

[beegeok]

hey Cynthia,

Where is the Jurong West shop?
Block? unit? Name?

 

[baby_jo]

Hi Mrs C,

The address is as follows:
Cheok Keuw Bridal Co
Blk 506 Jurong West St 52 #01-180
Tel # 6566 0311.

Look for Clara. She is more knowledgeable.

 

[beegeok]

Thank you!

 

[pinpong]

Hi piggypig

hehee.. yeah it is during dis time dat feel so loved by my mama, papa, aunties, uncles & my darling bro.

yeah... had to keep remind HB to get dis stuff
ready get dat stuff ready. come to think of it, like his digital reminder..hehe

Hi Cynthia
Congrats to ur forthcoming GDL hehee...

 

[rasa]

Hey, piggypig

Since your MIL seems like she doesn't care, why dun you just also don't care? That way, since she never told you wat she wants, so you dun need to prepare anything for her.

As for what your HTB needs to prepare for your parents, just tell the HTB "Go buy items ABC, XYZ, you can get at this shop." Tell him, it's important to your family to go get this, can give him advice and directions on where to buy. But DON'T go on his behalf. When you bring all the things back, nobody will know you are the one who bought all the items, paid for it etc and no one will care that your HTB didn't do anything.

Must delegate...... HTB also getting married, right? So of coz he must do some work.

 

[monkie]

hi ice
thanks ...
hi piggypig...
we brides can plan. then after that we share with our HTB. they should at least give their views and certain things must help us to do it. cannot just sit there are watch...

 

[rosewhite]

Hi girls

,

going to get some stuffs for GDL.. anywhere in the east that sells those traditional items? If Chinatown, where is the shop?

Btw way, is it necessary for hubby to give angbaos to bride's family members when he come to bride's hse to give GDL items? There are so many aunties from both side families trying to share their opinions or teaching us what to do but unfortunately, share different views, some says just give to grandparents will do, but some says must give whoever at home like grandparents, parents, siblings also. Some even say dont need at all. Me hear already very confuse.. tried asking my parents & they say, up to hubby..?? They say they dont know all these stuffs..What is the common practice now?

Btw, my parents dont want the pork & want an angbao for that instead, is that considered as nappy angbao already or nappy angbao is another angbao?

AS for nappy angbao, do we need to write anthing on the angbao for nappy angbao? Is that suppose to give as a form to bride's family or is that specially meant to be given for mother only?

 

[mavis_spy]

Hi all,
What is the differences between GDL & "Ti Qing"?

i'm so envy to all of you . cos my MIL & mum dunno anything abt GDL stuffs. Have to ask my grandma but she only advise me parts by parts and she keep saying my HTB need to "Ti Qinq" first then do the GDL stuffs.... I'm confuse lor

Dunno wat is right and wrong... you know la.. old ppl sometime have no patient to explain this traditional customary stuffz. Best part, my MIL ask me to check with my grandma...even my HTB ask me to take control of everything cos he not free till next yr Jan'08 and my wedding in Mar'08......

Headache now... thinking to cancel everything or dun do the GDL things... jus fetch me from my mum's place, tea session and wedding dinner liao...like tat save alot of trouble asking and research...

But i manage to get the GDL listing from my frens for Hokkien brides.

I'll be grateful if my MIL knows everything and help me out....

 

[cactus_79]

Hi rosewhite,

In my case, we just left it to my ILs to decide who/whether or not to give APs to my relatives when hb comes to pick me up.

Nappy money is only for bride's mother.

 

[cactus_79]

Hi Mavis,
Ti Qing is when your parents themselves, or your parents through a married relative or married good friend (match maker) to tell your parents that your htb wants to marry you and that your FIls agree to it. Usually during Ti Qing, parents will more or less decide when the marriage will take place and the different customary requirements of both sides.

 

[rasa]

rosewhite,

Chinatown, there's a shop on the same level of the famous Hong Lim food centre - at level 2 of the Hong Lim food centre, walk over the 'bridge' to the building that has the DBS bank at ground floor. There's this shop with all the GDL and even the written stuff on what to do. But of coz still will have ppl who want to contribute their opinion on how you should do ABC and watnot.

I suggest, u and ur HTB privately agree on all those 'small stuff' that no one knows abt. Aka only give grandparents, dun give at all, or give a certain amt of money only etc. You hear too many ppl, also confusing.

Just let your parents know that since no one can agree on this, you have tot abt it and want to still respect tradition but on limited budget, so u can only give certain ppl or only certain amt.

I think they will think it's ok.

 

[rosewhite]

Hi cactus
Thank you so for sharing.

Hi IHM,
Thanks for giving me the location of the GDL stalls. It is very true that hearing all the aunties suggestions will make things very confusing, all of them trying to be helpful by telling us what to do but then, all have their own opinions.. my mil no experience in this & dont know what to do so told us to ask her sisters (my hubby's aunties). But in the end, hear already more headache. Well, guess the best way is to ask you gals here, at least know what is the common practice.

By the way, do we need to write anything on the nappy angbao?

thanks