"Guo Da Li (过大礼)" ??
- Thread starter trihok
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tyingknot2007
New Member
hi JGal,
I think in modern days, it is gal who keeps sdj. cos during olden times, when gal marries guy, everything gal has belongs to guy and his parents. So in thoery, sdj belongs to guy's parents..These days, Ithink it depends on whether the gal is being seen as "sold" away by her parents (ie. many tables or huge pinjing retained by bride's parents).
During tea ceremony, gal will usually be given jewelry from relatives, includng mother and MIL... I think it's a nice gesture to wear the jewelry on the spot. If possible, just wear everything loh.... Usually, gal will be expected to wear the jewelry the guy's parents/relatives give her during her tea ceremony at the guy's parents' home... when she returns to her own home, so that she can show her parents the "gifts".
I think in modern days, it is gal who keeps sdj. cos during olden times, when gal marries guy, everything gal has belongs to guy and his parents. So in thoery, sdj belongs to guy's parents..These days, Ithink it depends on whether the gal is being seen as "sold" away by her parents (ie. many tables or huge pinjing retained by bride's parents).
During tea ceremony, gal will usually be given jewelry from relatives, includng mother and MIL... I think it's a nice gesture to wear the jewelry on the spot. If possible, just wear everything loh.... Usually, gal will be expected to wear the jewelry the guy's parents/relatives give her during her tea ceremony at the guy's parents' home... when she returns to her own home, so that she can show her parents the "gifts".
orh .. i think i forgot the mention clearly.
During Guo Da li, i got 4dj frm my in-laws, then show to my parents, and drowy frm my parents. I brought all the gold to my in-law's place for save keep. So when can i get it back? Do i take if with me on my way back to my new home during A/D ? also.. i have all these gold.. so i am suppose to wear them on the wedding day? if that's the case, i shld get my gold back frm my in-law now.. so i can wear at my parent's place during the A/D .. ???!!???
My parent's bring me 2 set of 4dj.. and grandparents/aunties also bought me some gold as (tian jin- add to drowy) and not for tea ceremony.
hmm... shld i give some gold to my in-law ?
During Guo Da li, i got 4dj frm my in-laws, then show to my parents, and drowy frm my parents. I brought all the gold to my in-law's place for save keep. So when can i get it back? Do i take if with me on my way back to my new home during A/D ? also.. i have all these gold.. so i am suppose to wear them on the wedding day? if that's the case, i shld get my gold back frm my in-law now.. so i can wear at my parent's place during the A/D .. ???!!???
My parent's bring me 2 set of 4dj.. and grandparents/aunties also bought me some gold as (tian jin- add to drowy) and not for tea ceremony.
hmm... shld i give some gold to my in-law ?
hi JGal,
I think we are in the same situation. My ILs have asked me to bring back the SDJ which they give me during GDL, together with the Hui Li, so that they can "show" to their relatives during tea ceremony. My ILs will probably help me wear on the SDJ during the tea ceremony. If they don't, but leave the SDJ lying there, I will wear the SDJ they buy for me to go back to my parents' home.
I'll be leaving my parents' home wearing some of the jewerly that they buy for me. At IL's place, will change clothes and put on SDJ ILs buy for me. During wedding dinner, I will be wearing my parents' jewelry with every change of gown.
I think we are in the same situation. My ILs have asked me to bring back the SDJ which they give me during GDL, together with the Hui Li, so that they can "show" to their relatives during tea ceremony. My ILs will probably help me wear on the SDJ during the tea ceremony. If they don't, but leave the SDJ lying there, I will wear the SDJ they buy for me to go back to my parents' home.
I'll be leaving my parents' home wearing some of the jewerly that they buy for me. At IL's place, will change clothes and put on SDJ ILs buy for me. During wedding dinner, I will be wearing my parents' jewelry with every change of gown.
Oh, I think it's not necessary to give gold to IL unless it is in line with their custom or your custom. I brought my ILs shopping for shoes already and have bought towals for all the aunts/uncles/and my husband's siblings/siblings-in-law in line with my custom. I'm hokkien.
pineappletart
New Member
Hi cactus,
Is the giving of towels to husband's relatives a hokkien-specific custom or just a general one which applies to all dialect groups?
Is the giving of towels to husband's relatives a hokkien-specific custom or just a general one which applies to all dialect groups?
Hi pineappletart,
I'm told as a hokkien I need to give towels to ILs, husband's grandparents, siblings/siblings-inlaws, but my parents asked me to also give to my husband's aunts and uncles. This is an additional thing.
I'm not sure if other dialect groups have the same practice. cos I think teochew and hokkien may be quite similar.
I'm told as a hokkien I need to give towels to ILs, husband's grandparents, siblings/siblings-inlaws, but my parents asked me to also give to my husband's aunts and uncles. This is an additional thing.
I'm not sure if other dialect groups have the same practice. cos I think teochew and hokkien may be quite similar.
Me hokkien.
This one is hinted by my grandmother. She ask me to tell my hubby to give to her mother ( my great grandma) So i give both side to be fair.. just a symbol of respect. anyway, during the wedding, the more you do.. the better.. esp to your own folks..
I still can remember how overjoy my 100 yr-old great grandma was that day when i pass her the angpao during the cake delivering. She and my granduncles were very happy that my hubby is a respectful person.. in return, they bought me extra jewelry which is far more than the angbao given.
This one is hinted by my grandmother. She ask me to tell my hubby to give to her mother ( my great grandma) So i give both side to be fair.. just a symbol of respect. anyway, during the wedding, the more you do.. the better.. esp to your own folks..
I still can remember how overjoy my 100 yr-old great grandma was that day when i pass her the angpao during the cake delivering. She and my granduncles were very happy that my hubby is a respectful person.. in return, they bought me extra jewelry which is far more than the angbao given.
kovankitty
New Member
How about things such as basin, mug, toothbrush, spittoon etc toiletries? Are they necessary regardless of dialects?
Found it kinda 'weird' and 'funny' to have them as part of GDL. Also wondering what they symbolise?
Found it kinda 'weird' and 'funny' to have them as part of GDL. Also wondering what they symbolise?
kitlovestar
New Member
Hi,
Would like to find out can guo da li be held like 1.5 months before the actual wedding day? From what i know, it is usually held 2 weeks before...but then FH's mom would be overseas then...so he asking if we can have it much earlier to settle it...
Anyone knows?
Would like to find out can guo da li be held like 1.5 months before the actual wedding day? From what i know, it is usually held 2 weeks before...but then FH's mom would be overseas then...so he asking if we can have it much earlier to settle it...
Anyone knows?
hi galsparkle,
I left it to my ILs to choose a day. They went to a master for auspicious dates.. we picked the one most convenient for everyone. Mine is about 2 weeks before AD. I think it's usually about 2 weeks before cos traditionally, the bride's parents will pass out the cakes together with the invitation cards to relatives... the cakes will be given during GDL. But no hard and fast rules I think. As long as the date is a good one and convenient for all.
I left it to my ILs to choose a day. They went to a master for auspicious dates.. we picked the one most convenient for everyone. Mine is about 2 weeks before AD. I think it's usually about 2 weeks before cos traditionally, the bride's parents will pass out the cakes together with the invitation cards to relatives... the cakes will be given during GDL. But no hard and fast rules I think. As long as the date is a good one and convenient for all.
Hi sUgArBaBe,
You could still go to Chinatown to buy the GDL stuff. My hubby and I went there with my mom about 2 weeks ago, and we were a lil shocked to learn that Chinatown market was under reno (we should have guessed when we turned into the carpark) .. but anyway if you walk along the block next to Chinatown market, there are a few shops selling the wedding stuff. But they aren't that cheap to be honest. My mom found another shop in Bedok selling wedding stuff and cheaper too!!
Galsparkle, my GDL date is even earlier than yours! Cuz our wedding will be on the 5th day of the 8th lunar month, my mom didn't want the GDL to be held during the 7th mth. So my MIL got us a date at the end of the July. So our relatives will get the cakes and cards about 1.5 mths before the wedding!!
You could still go to Chinatown to buy the GDL stuff. My hubby and I went there with my mom about 2 weeks ago, and we were a lil shocked to learn that Chinatown market was under reno (we should have guessed when we turned into the carpark) .. but anyway if you walk along the block next to Chinatown market, there are a few shops selling the wedding stuff. But they aren't that cheap to be honest. My mom found another shop in Bedok selling wedding stuff and cheaper too!!
Galsparkle, my GDL date is even earlier than yours! Cuz our wedding will be on the 5th day of the 8th lunar month, my mom didn't want the GDL to be held during the 7th mth. So my MIL got us a date at the end of the July. So our relatives will get the cakes and cards about 1.5 mths before the wedding!!
Hi Everyone!
Advice needed...I am totally at a loss what to do for GDL. My GDL will be on the 18th Nov but I am not sure what to do at all!
My parents just said they want 12 cakes and 12 cans of pig trotters.
My FILs seem to care naught...just said there should be mandarin oranges as well and girl side to provide tea set and bed sheets.
I've bought the tea set and bedsheets and they are at my HTB's place at the moment...do I bring them back to my parents place for the GDL?
Thanks in advance!
No advices from parents...haiz...and we know nothing about traditional stuffs...I am getting really annoyed with their nonchalence...
Advice needed...I am totally at a loss what to do for GDL. My GDL will be on the 18th Nov but I am not sure what to do at all!
My parents just said they want 12 cakes and 12 cans of pig trotters.
My FILs seem to care naught...just said there should be mandarin oranges as well and girl side to provide tea set and bed sheets.
I've bought the tea set and bedsheets and they are at my HTB's place at the moment...do I bring them back to my parents place for the GDL?
Thanks in advance!
No advices from parents...haiz...and we know nothing about traditional stuffs...I am getting really annoyed with their nonchalence...
hi Jue
your GDL day is the same as mine.
you may refer to the attached file, and hope it helps. I got it from someone too.<center><table border=1><tr><td>
Wedding Checklist_GDL,An chuang, AD
wedding materials.xls (33.8 k)</td></tr></table></center>
your GDL day is the same as mine.
you may refer to the attached file, and hope it helps. I got it from someone too.<center><table border=1><tr><td>
wedding materials.xls (33.8 k)</td></tr></table></center>
hi jun
you need not follow exactly wat the list states. the items can be flexible depending the needs/ religon/custom of both families.
for example, Christians may not need ruler and lamps because these are consider as supertitious things.
things like Spittoon may not be require by some modern families because it is not a practical item, kind of waste money..who really needs it in Singapore?
you need not follow exactly wat the list states. the items can be flexible depending the needs/ religon/custom of both families.
for example, Christians may not need ruler and lamps because these are consider as supertitious things.
things like Spittoon may not be require by some modern families because it is not a practical item, kind of waste money..who really needs it in Singapore?
Hi Jun
d bedsheets & tea set is part of d drowry. For my case we placed d bedsheets etc at my parents' plc, den on d day of GDL, we moved d drowy to our love nest.
dun know whether it is d "right" way, think it depends on individual, moreover, for our case, we didnt follow/get many other stuff like what Cynthia mentioned the Spittoon, comb, pyjamas, Long Feng candle etc.
d bedsheets & tea set is part of d drowry. For my case we placed d bedsheets etc at my parents' plc, den on d day of GDL, we moved d drowy to our love nest.
dun know whether it is d "right" way, think it depends on individual, moreover, for our case, we didnt follow/get many other stuff like what Cynthia mentioned the Spittoon, comb, pyjamas, Long Feng candle etc.
hehee....oh yeap sewing machine.
my mama had a sewing machine from my beloved grandma as her dowry. used to joke with my mama, dat i would like to hav dat sewing machine as part of my drowry. even though, i dun really know how to use it.. haha...
In d end, my mama didnt gave me d sewing machine, she said d sewing machine's time is up, & dun want to give me things which is "spoiled"
my mama had a sewing machine from my beloved grandma as her dowry. used to joke with my mama, dat i would like to hav dat sewing machine as part of my drowry. even though, i dun really know how to use it.. haha...
In d end, my mama didnt gave me d sewing machine, she said d sewing machine's time is up, & dun want to give me things which is "spoiled"
<center><table border=1><tr><td>
an chuang, guo da li, AD
wedding materials.xls (33.8 k)</td></tr></table></center>
dear all, sorry havent been in here for a while. for those who needs the list, here it is...
wedding materials.xls (33.8 k)</td></tr></table></center>
dear all, sorry havent been in here for a while. for those who needs the list, here it is...
Hi Cynthia! What a coincidence!!! and Thank you very much for the list!
Thank you, ice!
Really appreciated both of your help and advice! I really envy those daughters who have their moms to fuss over their wedding with. Haiz...but my mom's working hours is very eccentric and I have long learnt to understand that if I need anything, I will have to find my own ways and means.
She is currently working very hard to save money for my dowry.
I will move the bedsheets and tea-set over to my parents place then!
Thank you all once again!
Thank you, ice!
Really appreciated both of your help and advice! I really envy those daughters who have their moms to fuss over their wedding with. Haiz...but my mom's working hours is very eccentric and I have long learnt to understand that if I need anything, I will have to find my own ways and means.
She is currently working very hard to save money for my dowry.
I will move the bedsheets and tea-set over to my parents place then! Thank you all once again!
Hi All,
I have not a single clue about GDL thing. Does it mean like on the GDL day, the groom will bring a "mei po" over to the bride's hse, the both side will exchange all the GDL items? Coz I am teochew and my bf is hainese. DOnt know wat to follow. Is there a custom whereby my mother have to buy a gold ring for my FH?
I have not a single clue about GDL thing. Does it mean like on the GDL day, the groom will bring a "mei po" over to the bride's hse, the both side will exchange all the GDL items? Coz I am teochew and my bf is hainese. DOnt know wat to follow. Is there a custom whereby my mother have to buy a gold ring for my FH?
love_is_all_around
New Member
Cynthia hi, do you mind share with me the procedure for the actual day of yours?
Me very blur as nobody to share as friend mostly hokkien while I am the same as you hakka and husband to be hokkien.
Me very blur as nobody to share as friend mostly hokkien while I am the same as you hakka and husband to be hokkien.
Hi gals..
during the day of GDL, who will be the ones who bring the GDL stuffs to bride's hse? hubby is one if them? anyone else?
And bride's side also have to prepare tings for groom so we just pass it to the ppl representing the groom's side to take back or gal side have to send represetatives too?
Does groom have to give any angbao during GDL beside dowry? Need to give angbao to bride's side grandparents, parents, siblings?
thank you.. me a super blur bride.
during the day of GDL, who will be the ones who bring the GDL stuffs to bride's hse? hubby is one if them? anyone else?
And bride's side also have to prepare tings for groom so we just pass it to the ppl representing the groom's side to take back or gal side have to send represetatives too?
Does groom have to give any angbao during GDL beside dowry? Need to give angbao to bride's side grandparents, parents, siblings?
thank you.. me a super blur bride.
hi pearl,
mine is a wedding lunch so not sure if your is lunch also. otherwise i can forward you my friend's procedure that is dinner.
hi rosewhite
on GDL, there are many things groom need to bring so he will need his brothers help to carry.
the bride's side will pass the necessary things to the groom. gal no need send representive to grooms side.
groom need to give AP to helpers.
as for AP to bride's grandparents, siblings = very subjective. but most people give a small token (heng heng).
mine is a wedding lunch so not sure if your is lunch also. otherwise i can forward you my friend's procedure that is dinner.
hi rosewhite
on GDL, there are many things groom need to bring so he will need his brothers help to carry.
the bride's side will pass the necessary things to the groom. gal no need send representive to grooms side.
groom need to give AP to helpers.
as for AP to bride's grandparents, siblings = very subjective. but most people give a small token (heng heng).
Hi rosewhite,
my husband not coming for GDL if he has to work. But his sister and brother in law, a male cousin and dad's sister is the "matchmaker".
My parents will be returning some GDL stuff and pass to my IL's representatives the things my parents bought for him and me and for my ILs.
No representatives from my parents will return to my IL's home.
my husband not coming for GDL if he has to work. But his sister and brother in law, a male cousin and dad's sister is the "matchmaker".
My parents will be returning some GDL stuff and pass to my IL's representatives the things my parents bought for him and me and for my ILs.
No representatives from my parents will return to my IL's home.
Hi Cynthia & cactus, thx for sharing.
what if certain customery stuffs that are replaced by angabos? Is it bride's side take certain amt then rtn back...same theory like the dowry? or have to accept the angbao then give another seperate angbao back?
Does bride's side have to give angbao to the representatives from the groom's side during GDL?
Btw..is the process like the groom's side will put the things on the tables when rch bride's side then they will wait to get things rtn then leave already? Or they will sit down for chating like visiting?
hee..me suaku
what if certain customery stuffs that are replaced by angabos? Is it bride's side take certain amt then rtn back...same theory like the dowry? or have to accept the angbao then give another seperate angbao back?
Does bride's side have to give angbao to the representatives from the groom's side during GDL?
Btw..is the process like the groom's side will put the things on the tables when rch bride's side then they will wait to get things rtn then leave already? Or they will sit down for chating like visiting?
hee..me suaku
Hi rosewhite,
if replaced by APs, then take some, return some. but I dun know if it is the same AP paper though.
My parents will be giving APs to groom's representatives.
I don't know what the process will be like...cos mine only in sept.
If it is like what happened before my engagement, then my parents will offer them some drinks and food.
if replaced by APs, then take some, return some. but I dun know if it is the same AP paper though.
My parents will be giving APs to groom's representatives.
I don't know what the process will be like...cos mine only in sept.
guo da li can be view differently. some just leave after exchanging things but basic courtesy is just to chit chat a bit before leaving, and some will have a lunch/dinner together.
for me, i will have a lunch reception where i invite all my friends and parents friends over as I wun invite them during my AD.
for those AP is used to replace the Guo Da Li items. such as..bride's side suppose to make a pants for the groom but this will replace by AP. so this AP need not "take some and return some" by groom side.
some AP like drowry/pin jin will have to "take some, return some".
for me, i will have a lunch reception where i invite all my friends and parents friends over as I wun invite them during my AD.
for those AP is used to replace the Guo Da Li items. such as..bride's side suppose to make a pants for the groom but this will replace by AP. so this AP need not "take some and return some" by groom side.
some AP like drowry/pin jin will have to "take some, return some".
