Devastated....Failed Marriage


Blur, I think I am exactly like you in terms of anger and being over suspicious on such things. Time to really let it go in terms of giving him the space first. Remembered my cornered cat story? Do you really want to corner your hb? By cornering him will only make him runaway and get yourself more hurt so stop the drilling now.

For going out, we really have to put status aside. Never have the mentality that man should do the first move. Man and woman...it is fair. If he distance yourself, if you really want to savage the marriage, by letting him distaning himself would it make it better? Yes, you worry rejections or maybe try to go over hold his hand and you may worry he reject you. But, remember this, this are all your assumptions. Are you going to regret not trying when the day it really fails?

To savage a marriage aside from giving some space, it also has to be gradual but not totally shut off. Take baby steps. Remember...

YOU CAN DO IT!
 
Also point to note, man have egos, man have pride and man have dignity...In short, MCP.

The more you push, the more cornered he is. Man are creatures that cannot express themselves until regret and dire situations, they turnaround. Some man become to expressive that ends up like stalker and too pushy in the end. There must be a balance. If this situation ever arise, this is heart over mind... So wait till all is calm. Emotional conversation cannot conclude anything.

Now is the time to give each other space. Be the gracious one to open your heart and forgive him. Let him and yourself have space to think and not a time to compete who is right and wrong... We are matured adults and not teenage years.
 
To brighten up those that are in pain...JOKE OF THE DAY!!!

I'm at the gym in Orchard the other day and I hear this from an older man, not in the best physical condition, who asked the trainer:

"I want to impress that beautiful girl over there. Which machine should I use?"
The trainer replied: "Use the ATM machine outside the gym."
happy.gif
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Giving space is a 2 edged thing. At the same time, its something needed in any relationship and conflict. Because, when there is no contact, the other party is left to guess. Sometimes, imagination can really be destructive.

I would suggest to at least communicate and agree on the time out to set the right expectation over it. People tend to treat withdrawal as an negative intention to spite or punish the partner. So, its important for both to be on the same page and understand its about rediscovering oneself rather than a cold war. It is an important assurance for the relationship.
 
dear Clovery, just learn to open your eye big big before stepping into a serious rs.
think with the mind logically and make sound decisions rather than with your heart.

the world has always been open, is just that ppl enjoying themselves out there will never admit to their sexual adventures openly.
inner demons are just like an idea or a thought.
An idea is like a virus, resilient, highly contagious.
The smallest seed of an idea can grow.
It can grow to define or destroy you.
 
Milo, on that point I have to agree. Set some expectation first. At least you do the first step to initiate this so that if it fails, you don't blame yourself for it. And, never assume during this period what the other person thinks or do, just let it go and keep an open mind. For the better or for worst.

Clovery, we are testimont to bad r/s and marriages...All parties are at fault. Never have the mentality that the other party must do everything...takes both to clap. Love can be wonderful and happy but can also be cruel.

Arsenal, agreed.
 

_bb

New Member
to give each party space to breathe indeed is 2-edges sword.

i seen and witnessed couple of my frens who gave their partners' freedom and spaces to breathe. What do they got in e end? E partner left with somebody else.

sad.gif
 

_bb

New Member
tornguy: how have u been? hope u are feeling better.

ya i know Blur is stuck becuz of her kid thus i find her very brave. Tt's y mother is noble
happy.gif


nowadays having affairs and divorcing rates are so high.. made me having phobia of settling down...
 

simpleman

Active Member
Kids should not matter. Don't stay in a marriage for the kids.. or years later you may blame the kids for keeping it in your marriage.

We can always be wonderful parents even when divorced..
 

jn1234

New Member
Torn Guy
I can't offer you much advice but it is best you don't dwell too much and too long. Let her go, since her heart is obviously not with you.

如果她在乎你,她就ä¸ä¼šè®©ä½ ä¼¤å¿ƒéš¾è¿‡ã€‚
既然她让你伤心难过,你åˆä½•å¿…在乎她,为她多惆怅?
 

_bb

New Member
jenny, wad u said is true.. but den matters of heart.. very hard to say especially we are not the involved parties.. so for us to say is easy though.. tsk
happy.gif
 

susanna_low

New Member
and yeah, i like him since sam-soon days, he belongs to the rare breed of young korean actors who can actually act and handle emmotion ranges from tender to violent passion... another one that comes to mind is Jo In-sung.

Junkie, i go n check out Jo-in-sung, dunno si siang :p
The subtitle states "Nightclub", nvr noe it's his name *lolz*, this show is really cute, u rem the scene in the hotspring with his cousin.
When his cousin found out, he acted sissy and shyly ran into the room, so funny!
Now his style is so diff from sam-soon, tt time more beng and this show more trendy. He really dress well!

Torn, why are u still emo-ing @ hme? Tnite's ladies nite...shoo shoo...
 

infojunkie

Active Member
honestly, with the dubbed ver u can only enjoy 85% of the jokes... the 15% lost in translation liao :p

as for sam-sikki, sam-soon's so lian u see, that's why he gotta look abit beng to match her mah... i beg u like him more than daniel henney rite
happy.gif
 

infojunkie

Active Member
u can catch jo in-sung in "巴厘岛的日å­â€œ... oso starring ha ji-won (å‰ç½—ç³)... 1st rate producton and acting... if u're into human psychology, u will find it interesting... one of my faves
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susanna_low

New Member
i beg u like him more than daniel henney rite :)
Definitely especially when he wiped his hair dry wearing a bathrobe and also in all black attire through Daniel looks so good or even better..

However, it seems tt he lose weight with sunken cheeks, he's chubbier in the past.

Okie thanks, will check it out *-*
 

infojunkie

Active Member
"it seems tt he lose weight with sunken cheeks, he's chubbier in the past"

rite, trim down alot to play kim joo won. 刻薄龟毛的人一般都是瘦å­
happy.gif
 
jaycomposer, yes. I never want to experience this ever....E V E R again! Time will tell what a person I will be and what god plans for me. I have to tell myself everyday (sorry to repeat it again and again but just have to preach to myself), "To Err Is Human, To Forgive...Divine, To Let Go, You Are Almost Perfect".

I force myself day to day to keep calm. I am slowly managing my emotions though at times it still goes down south. I am human afterall, man and woman aside, ego aside, pride aside and dignity aside. Time to take baby steps and let the fundermentals cure the wounds if you get what I am saying.

You have done well, everyone manage situation differently. So long as they don't hurt themselves or go into a destructive mode, think properly and don't regret. Always remember what done is done, pointless to keep thinking over spilled milk.

Now, how you want to look at life? The cup is half empty or half full. We, being broken hearted is looking at the perspective of half empty. Make the right choices and slowly, you see that you cup is half full and waiting to be filled up again. That said, same goes to my heart... Still sad, but that's how it is meant to be.

P/s: No worries, you can always post here.
 
I officially lost 2kilos... I'm lean person so losing 2kilos equates to a lot! Lol. Bones now...

Training time...aiming for a Full Marathon. Got to pace myself and schedule myself amidst the busy work... :|

Oh, lost touch with Theatre acts and stand up Comedy (local). Anyone has any idea where I can find this? Singapore Repertory Theatre? Nothing much coming up. Anyone into this do let me know updates, keen to go for a good laugh. Thanks.
 

ssssh

New Member
hmm... torn guy...u should watch this upcoming movie - Johnny English Reborn. hope that u can have a good laugh watching tat.

Yessshh.....sign up for SCM 2011 full marathon. hahaha...

Really admire your courage to face the reality . Keep yourself busy ...really busy....ya...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
jaycomposer, don't feel guilty. From your description, he is very much responsible the his current plight. He isn't a young boy. The least he should be doing is to show some effort to help himself. You don't owe him anything to need to provide him with accommodation.
 
Clovery, Yep... Maybe watching next week.

I need to start my routine and my training first. I started my jog this week. Twice a week and do some good laps followed by alternate days. Tough but just got to be discipline, go back, change to running attire, time my laps and pace myself.

Too many obligations may derail my training schedule like work, then dog to take care etc. But will not find excuse anymore!
happy.gif
 

susanna_low

New Member
I just have a 5hours workout ydae, feel so goooood..
find something meaningful to do will be good rather than to "hu si ruan xiang", think this, think that @ home..


rite, trim down alot to play kim joo won. 刻薄龟毛的人一般都是瘦å­


I nvr noe tt n tot what happened to him..heehee..
 

ssssh

New Member
ting yi... 5hrs workout? what u do? hahahaha
not tired mah?

Torn guy, keep on running...tat my new hobby lately...:p
 
BIG SIGH FOR THE DAY...PERIOD.

Oh, manage to get some...some proper sleep last night. Finally got my heart to pump regularly. Played some light music to sleep. It helps, slightly. Placebo effect... Lol.

Ting, 5 hours is torture.... You go for what training?
 
Oh my... Saturday early flight to Japan for business back. Touch and go. I am going to be shagged cause Sunday or Monday fly back. Weekend business, that's the first. Lol.

I have decided to get some counseling prior to the trip maybe tomorrow. It's time I get proper help. Get some more advise. Will keep all updated.

BB, what happen to you?
 
Ok guys. I making the first step to seek some help first for myself to get some advise too. My first counseling session is today. Must take the courage irregardless I am a guy or not. First step to proper healing and straighten myself first.

Cheers.
 

_bb

New Member
ariel: hmmm to me even if u r that super busy, oso can reply de becuz how long can a msg take? e worst 1min...

maybe lao fu lao qi le.. tt's y he see no urgency to respond? *pouts*
 

ariel84

New Member
BB, also depends on nature of his job. What is he working as? If like my hubby who drives around a lot, sometimes he takes a few hours to reply me.

Also depends on the context of the sms/call. If it's urgent I'm sure he'll reply soon, right?
happy.gif
 

_bb

New Member
ariel: nahh i know my man is a notti boy. shld b still 'dou qi' with me. plus this time round i nv go 'hong' him tt's y he lydat! LOL!
 
Today, my counseling was enlightening. For a guy, took me a lot of courage to go for one and ask for help and finally I did.

In a nutshell, do things so long it makes sense... Not for the other party, just think for yourself... Does this make any sense?

Mentally drained... Post tomorrow. Thanks.
 



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