Devastated....Failed Marriage

Hi all,

I really don’t know where and who to turn to…so share my story, here. I am devastated…

My life went upside down when my I found my wife yesterday at a Hotel with another guy.

I knew my wife since Sec 1, back those days, we were having so called “Puppy Love†which didn’t last. We didn’t even talk to each other till Sec 4 went I left school, never contacted ever since. Roughly 5 years later, we happen to meet near my office. We exchange phone number and later started to go out together for coffee and dates… First time we watch movie was the first time we held hands (lol, I pretend to be scared of some scenes so took the opportunity to hold her hands, yeah….typical, I was shy). Still remember that movie was “Constantin†by Keanu Reeves. Since then roughly about 2 years later, I proposed and we decided to get married. In summary, we knew each other for more than 16 years, been together for 6 years and married for 4 years.

We were happily married in a way, arguments and quarrels are inevitable. I am not a perfect man and came from a broken family (my parents) when I was young but I always go by this principle and told myself and wife, never will I lay hands on a women…never. I am basically a typical guy out there that works, finish work do my best to be home before 7pm to see my wife. I don’t drink, gamble or flirt around. Yes, traditional and sensitive man. Not shy about it. I send her to work every day since she moved office and I try my best to pick her from work. I make it a point to occasionally cook for her and bring her out for dinner because she always say we eat at home too often, especially dinner….maybe too homely person and too tired after work to go out. But yes, I listen and make it a point to put into action, no matter how tired I was.

Nightmare started when she flirted with my best friend almost 1.5 years ago, we nearly had a divorce but I told myself, take a leap of faith. The best part is my best friend’s wife told me about it. Took us almost 1 month to resolve this, but not totally. Guess what, after the incident I went to my best friend and his wife and told them…..I forgave them. I was never like this but never expect I could open my heart to say this. Things started to turn worst when I felt the love from her to me was limited, always depends on her mood etc. Since last year, I felt something was different, something was not right….perhaps invisible feel? Sixth sense perhaps?

Early this year, I ask her, promise me to be faithful and honest. She couldn’t answer me…. This weird feeling inside me started to build up. To date, she hasn’t done much to try to win my trust and at the same time, the fear and loss of trust kept building inside me which resulted in many times asking her where she is or over questioned her….I knew I was at fault, but it really takes 2 hands to clap. 2 weeks later asked her the same question she said: “I promise you, but not sure if I can fulfilâ€. Time pass and my doubts kept building, I knew this was unhealthy but somehow I had nightmares and small indication from her sometimes that shows things are not right… Yes, because of love, I keep pretending nothing happened or I just merely thinking too much. She always said that she will do her best to make things work between us but she always failed to try. Boiling point was reaching. Because she never tried to convince me after so many of such incidents, I became too controlled over certain things, too sensitive and fearful to everything….Yes, I was insecure in short and I am to be blamed too.

2 months ago, I found out that a “Whatsapp†message that looks like a more than normal friend type of content hence I ask her for her phone and pretend I wanted to play games. After checking, I realised she has the same friend with 2 different contacts in the Phone Book. Eg: LilyTan and Lily_Tan (not real name to protect privacy), both saved differently with different numbers. Hence, I decided to take note of the number and told my wife I am going down to buy drinks. Instead, I went to public phone and the first number was a guy who picked up. My hand shivered, fear, disappointment and hurt. Later, I went back and first I gave her a chance to explain herself, she keep mum about it and keep insisting that her friend “Lily Tan†has recently bought another new phone and kept saying it could be her husband. Then further questioning, she said it was a guy friend she met in her previous office. Took almost 2 days before I told her, let’s move on but I need her help because it takes 2 hands to clap. She again said she tried. Me? I took the leap of faith, again…

2 weeks ago, she told me that she has 2 company events this week. First was this Wednesday and the other was Thursday, which was yesterday, a company dinner. Day before yesterday, something in me told me to want to download a “Locator†on her phone hence I did. I know it is wrong but my sixth sense so far has not failed me, no reason, I shouldn’t have done it and I regretted doing it. The worst started yesterday, at about 12:30pm, she went for lunch with her colleagues. She sent me a message claiming she going nearby Mall for some fast food. I told her I want to see a pic of the food she eating (I started by taking a pic of my lunch first so that it doesn’t sound like I am suspicious of her), but she insisted that why I keep asking such things and she say she wanted to just eat her lunch and chat with her colleagues because she claims that she has no time to chat during working hours. I gave in and kept quiet. But when I turn the Locator on, I realised she was heading a different direction and not the nearby Mall. 30mins later, her location stopped at a Hotel in town. In that instant, I told myself and wish that this crap application is screwed up. Well, I couldn’t resist and drove down to that location….

When I reached that location, I called her office…no one picked up. I called her mobile, she said she was at the pantry and can even pretend to talk to her colleague. Then, I said can you answer the office phone and she said could be her land line problem. The whole situation became fishy and I called her office reception straight away, my heart dropped when I heard she took half day. My hands was shivering like mad, I picked up my phone to dial her number and I tried 5 to 6 times and I couldn’t dial the right number because my hands were shivering and shaking so bad, I almost couldn’t contain myself at the hotel lobby. Finally she answered, I questioned her where are you, she insisted she was in the pantry. Then I questioned her and I mentioned I called your office and they say you are on half day leave, she replied and say she went out for client meeting. At this moment, I said I am downstairs, can you come down. She still insist she not in office and can’t come down. Then, I mentioned I am at the hotel lobby, come down now. Took about nearly 5 to 10 minutes before she acknowledge and came down. During that first 5 minutes waiting at the lift, I prayed to god and hope that she won’t appear in the lift when it opens but my heart fell when I saw her.

We then proceeded to the car and the first thing I told her was and I quote in my own words: “In a marriage, no matter how much you hate the other party or lost the love, just walk away or file for divorce. Why must it end this way?†I even mentioned my years of faithfulness that I put in, but why reciprocate me with an Adultery? She blamed me and said: “How I know you never betrayed me behind my backâ€, I was so sad and disappointed by her words. At this point she still denied that she had a guy upstairs but obviously, when I saw the locator, it shows SMS messages from the guy to her when she was in my car and things like: “Are you ok? Need me to come down?â€

I composed myself and didn’t raised my voice in the end…I ended the conversation there and then: “I never regret loving you and I never regret marrying you, but I regret it has to end this way….†I broke down. She said let’s discuss tonight when we are more compose and calm. Then, she left the car and WENT BACK UP THE HOTEL!

She moved out last night, in front of me she said she wants to come back weekends to play with our dog, to see me and iron clothes for me. She said she “love me†and “miss me†but on the other hand, I found out she message the other guy and said “sorry, he just came back, don’t message me first†and followed by “I miss you and love you too†from my wife to him… I feel cheated, the sense of hope lingers in my heart because of having to love someone so deeply. But I still have to say, “The house is still yours, you can come back any time until the sale of the flat…. I broke down, again.

My friends asked me three questions: Do I still love her? My reply was yes. Will I accept her if she apologise and admit her mistake? My reply was yes. Can you really accept her and move on? My reply was yes. But I also reiterate on one point, second and third question takes 2 parties to work. One to learn to take the leap of faith and the other to earn the respect and trust back and not only myself or oneself. A lot of my friends even colleagues says go and call that guy and meet him face to face to tell him off but sorry, I am not that kind of person and it does not one any better… Doing this is just a spur of heated moment, it doesn’t help.

There are more to it…I just want to voice what I have in mind, I am blinded by love. I am meeting my lawyer in 1 hours’ time as I still have some assets matter to discuss. One moment my heart tells me to settle this and make a clean break immediately, but my heart also keeps telling me I still love her and the love for her is un-measureable but when I go to that state of mind, my fear haunts me again, will I be hurt again.

I regretted tracking her and really wished I never knew such things. Some things are better to not know about it. I am in emotional agony, disappointed and torn… Tomorrow is weekend, first step to road of recovery with a painful road ahead. Takes time to heal and easier said than done because? I Love Her Too Much….

Sorry, while writing this as I felt very emotional while writing the last incident so apologise if some sentence don’t make sense.

Thanks for listening and hope some comments, advise or support. I know, ultimately, I have to walk through this painful path to the road of recovery and a new life. I ain’t perfect.

A broken guy…


New Member
I believe in letting the person go if u ever luv her. There's no point holding back sm1 juz because of 1 sided selfish love. U hold her back because u love her but it's only 1 sided.

I understand tt feel because my ex left me for another woman too but I let him go as his heart is no longer with me. We will be just wasting time.

However nw, each of us have found our own happiness and I'm glad that we are not forced to be together, it hurts but time heal everything.
Yes, you gave a good advise. To love a person is to let her go. Leave behind bittersweet memories... It's difficult but somehow I have to find myself to have the courage to face this and make it happen....


New Member
If you force someone to stay with you because of your own selfish needs, she won't feel happy too. It's like keeping a bird trapped in a cage.

I rem wishing both of them happiness. He found her while in the midst of our ROM preparation.

We are glad that we are not together as there won't be happiness in forced love. His heart is no longer with me and there's no point picking up broken glasses. We are happier off staying as friends.

I can understand how you feel very well and I could hardly sleep, eat. It takes a lot of courage to take the right steps but trust me, time will heal everything.


Well-Known Member
It sucks. Leading a straight life isn't exactly the road to guaranteed good marriage. Sometimes, its just a wrong choice to begin. You had the wrong judgement about her personality and character to begin with. She is able to continue with her elaborate lies without much guilt about it. It reflects a lot about her integrity. Its not the case where she is in a dilemma and struggling within and with the relationship with you. She has no intention to work on the marriage, her agreements seems to be nothing more than lip services.

Move on.
Thanks Ting Yi and Milo... it is very hard, but I really hope time travels faster.

Though a guy, but maybe just too sentimental. Drop the baggage and move on...I try to live by this over the coming days. Yes, days feels like months now.
I just visited my lawyer's office 30 mins ago. I will be filing for divorce. The start of the painful process... I really hate this and myself!


Well-Known Member
You were the safe choice for husband rather than someone she cannot live without. Her eyes doesn't stop revolving. 1st your best friend, now this. You should have waken on the 1st incident with your best friend.


Active Member
your nick sounds like u drive an alfa romeo.

yeah irrelevant, but since u've already got it more or less figured out, might as well talk abt perhaps your car.

anyway, u sound rather boring... guy-to-guy, if u're gonna be like a faithful little dog... being the stable nice guy at home, u have to be careful of who u marry next.

thing is, i can really appreciate guys like u, and i think u are great. BUT i would fear most as your fren - would be that your world will crumble harder and u will feel more pain than most pple.

but reading thru, i think u have run thru the thought processes and i'm nonetheless impressed. u got it figured out, and i wish u a speedy divorce, and dun be afraid to try again... it really doesn't matter she's your 1st love or how long u know her... ultimately - a wonderful wife would be our companion thru life.

cheers man.
Milo, the first incident was a flirt on SMS. I forgave but problem is, I tried to be upfront with her and tell her that this has to be worked out collectively. Unfortunately it was 1 sided, she fail to try to bring me back or win the trust back.

Came to a point, she became a cornered cat. I blame myself for the control but like I said, I wasn't like this if all these didn't happen and since it did, she should have worked with me to get things right. But my insecurity got the better of me which resulted in constant questioning and in the end became a cornered cat.

Powder, aside to cars which I don't have mood to talk about. Yes, I admit I maybe boring but first few years in the relationship, I brought her for holidays, almost twice a year for few years until I overspent and put a temporary hold to this. I bring her to movies, go out with friends and etc...but I think I wasn't doing enough hence again, I do blame myself.

The thought process is there. I weighing my options. Like Ting Yi mentioned, to love a person is to let her go. It is tough times like this that I felt cornered myself aka "cornered cat". Cornered to make a decision and this decision has to be the right one because it will change me and the way of life in future and it has already started to change, yesterday...

One moment of anger (feel like going to make life difficult for the guy, I ain't that kind of person so no...), one moment of sentiments (I miss those days with her), one moment of love (I still love her, alot), one moment of sadness (that this has to happen) and another moment of rationale (time to move on?).... Yes, this is me for the past 24 hours. 3 days of insomnia and 2 days of thought process. This resulted in me = LOST.

I need to constantly remind myself this:
- To err is human, to forgive is devine but to forget, takes 2 to clap
- Love someone and have to let that person go
- 2 wrong doesn't make 1 right.

But, if I love her so much so that when I keep thinking of the above, it kind of like made the love supercedes the above. Then the anger sets in... Bros and Sis, today is T+2nd Day, my heart pumps fast, mentally drained and constantly running these through, I am overloaded. I find it a struggle...Lost.
cheer up dude, you don't deserved a lady like this.

be selfish about who you bring into your life.
you do not have to maintain relationships that do not add growth, whether they are personal, family or friends.
no event can happen without the willingness of another soul at some level to participate.

sometimes there are ppl on this world who are not marriage material in this case, you just end up with the wrong lady.
Arsenal, love can be unconditional. But, when love is strong, how is one able to know and see the difference between right and wrong, to forgive and try again or clean break and move on. All these are impossible when both or one is madly in love. Love is happiness but Love can be cruel.


New Member
Then, she left the car and WENT BACK UP THE HOTEL!

She said she “love me†and “miss me†but on the other hand, I found out she message the other guy and said “sorry, he just came back, don’t message me first†and followed by “I miss you and love you too†from my wife to him

Bro, You are right, it takes 2 hands to clap. However the answer is already so clear, it's not a moment of folly and her heart is obviously not with you. Y do u feel lost?

It's time for you to plan for your own future.

I hope that you will be strong enough to make the right decisions for yourself.


New Member
Why are you struggling? I mean.. did she even ask/want you to forgive her? She move out of the house the moment her affair kana exposed.. still send sms to the other guy.. there's no remorse.. why blame the 3rd party? It could be any other guy, the problem lies with your wife.
i feel love is overrated.
loving her is one thing but this does not make me blind to her faults.
and if her mistakes are enough to break up the rs, i will not hesitate to let her go before i lose my sanity.

lots of such cases in sbf where the guy eventually lost his mind trying to forgive his cheating partner.
cut off the loose ends before the hurt goes any deeper.
Ting Yi, I know... I'm trying.

Powder, agreed, and only now then I understand.

Yiping, Yes... hence I never blame the guy and I also never blame her. Essentially I want to condition my mind to forgive everyone and just move on. Hatred is not what I want but what I am going through now.

I broke down when I went home yesterday and talked to my dog. I thought she wants to bring with her hence I said: "Remember me as your "daddy" and remember "love you always". My dog never bark but when after I told her these, she whined twice and looked into my eyes...She teared (dog eye glue).

When she came back, my dog ignored her totally... Because of this, she left the dog with me. She love our dog, but like I said, love is cruel....damn cruel! I will do my best to take responsibility and take care of my dog and give her a better life. It is almost as if we have kids situation, but in this case, a dog. Nonetheless still a living thing right?

No shame about this, guys also cry and I did. perhaps look tough on the outside but too vulnerable on the inside.


New Member
TS, please be strong although said is easier than done.

At this moment your wife doesn't seemed to see you as her priority anymore..
BB, I wish I still have her. I can't be selfish. Really sad, almost feels like end of the world, really...

Again, thanks for all kind advise and words. It did shed some light for me. Thanks again.


Active Member
oh, it's how we feel when a relationship ends not by our own doing... it's rather normal but we get over it each time.

if it's any consolation, there are shitloads of pretty single girls with very nice personalities out there...

it's easier for men to stray than ladies... but if a lady strays - it is normally more emotionally-binding and harder to reverse.


torn guy
it's only natural that you would feel this way now. most people in your shoe would. So, please don't be too hard on yourself.

For gals, we would find someone to talk to. Not sure how guys handle this. Find a buddy and have beer and watch soccer?

take care.
Powder, perhaps. but I can't think of other things besides how to move on.... Denial Mode? Maybe.

MX, I tried beer last night, it made it worst. Friends can only do that much ya... I'm not a soccer fan but hey, thanks for the suggestions.


Well-Known Member
bro, for you to be able to be this rational at this moment of initial shock and coming to terms of acceptance, kudos to you. You don't need much advise, just space to vent and be validated on your thoughts. Healing will take time. It sucks, that's life.

Be strong and take care!
is great that your dog seems to share emotional empathy with you.
take good care of her and she will be fiercely loyal to you.


Active Member
Sorry to read all these, Torn Guy.
But dun change yourself as you move on in life. I don't think you're a boring just found the wrong person. When you've picked up the broken pieces later on in life, hope you would meet someone who would appreciate you. Sometimes after some setbacks in life, we keep changing ourselves - some changes may be good but sometimes, we really shouldn't be changing at all.


New Member
Hi Torn Guy,
I really feel v sorry for u after reading all these. I really feel u deserve better and tho d road frm now on will painful at d start, things will definetely get better n with time u will get over her.

Dun b upset. It is good to give vent to ur thots so post in tis forum anytime u need a listening ear...
While driving home, I had to wear sunglasses...
When I reach home, the water flows with pain...
Eyes turn sore...
The empty house which used to filled with love became empty...
Life in T+2nd Day feels dreadful...
Come what may, but it still difficult...

Day shall pass till the tears run dry...
Feelings and love turn numb...
I hope the day shall be near and fast...
When will the day come?....
I don't have a blog neither ever had facebook, but decide that day by day, shall post how I feel here. Though all through keyboard, but I vent my thoughts here and appreciate everyone's moral support... You guys and gals had been great listener.

This is what I wrote in my phone's diary T+2nd Day (*baby is my dog, not the real name):

Day 2, a dreadful day...At work.

I feel lost, utterly sad and extreme pain in my heart. I can't sleep well neither can I eat. Maybe I order Macdonalds tonight.

Friends can only do so much, I have to rely on myself... I miss her morning msg, I miss her company, I miss her love... I miss too much :`( I don't know how to go through this weekend, I need strength. I really cannot stop my tears rolling, no! I got to hold back.... I got to...

Baby is sad, life is baby and myself... I cannot neglect baby. Hey!! You only have baby now, she needs you! Baby, daddy loves you, always!

I still feel pain and hurt when I saw my wife at the Hotel with that guy. That moment keeps flashing in my mind, god, please give me strength to move on. The conversation we had before we leave, I felt love from her, but when I saw the msg exchange between them, is everything so superficial? I love her so much, so much so that I am blinded by her words over and over again. Why? Why am I so stupid? Because in my heart now sitting here, I still love her, too deep... Too............sad to leave this marriage, but I guess it is time.

I asked myself every moment of the day, every min and every second, what have I done wrong to deserve this? Should I ever be hurt this way? I really don't know how to move on. I really wish I didn't know all these, I really wish...

To you from my heart and mind: I love you always and will treasure and cherish the moments we had. I never regret knowing you but however, everything is fated...EVERYTHING. The only regrets I have is not having to have this a long lasting love and to see you grow old... Love, always.


New Member
Torn Guy, be strong and dont get so melancholic. You will definitely miss her initially BUT LIFE HAS TO GO ON
You have try to salvage this marriage but it takes two hands to clap. I have just completed my divorce proceedings weeks ago and this puts an end to my 5 years of trauma. My wife walked out from me 4 years ago with no plan to return. I try to salvage but failed. What can I do ? I have never expected this thing to happen to me, just like you but it happened...Nearly sunk into depression at that time but realised that there are other loved ones like my parents whom i should shower my love on. no point crying as time will fade away everything. Value what you have now and move on, my friend ;)


New Member
Bro, I saw u in me almost 10yrs ago. My 1st love since teenage. I gave my everything to him and sadly, it's the 1st time that I almost jumped down because of him but it's the thought of my parents that stopped me fr doing so.
Prior to tat, there might be other issues tt I nvr realise but sadly, it's becoz of the 3rd party tt I put a stop on all these.
Do keep on communicating ur tots, u will nvr be alone..
For those who gone through these, u will always be in our tots.


New Member
hi Torn Guy

Always remember you have your good friends around you to pick you up and support you in your recovery. I unfortunately had the chance to experience both sides of the coin all at once - cheat and be cheated. From the description of yourself, you do sound like a very safe and boring choice (one that I have picked for myself). Your wife chose you because you are stable and can provide for almost everything she wanted except for maybe excitement? Plus you have been together for a long time. So when a new guy comes along and offers something different, she leaps for it.

And to share my experience about being cheated on, yes you love that person so much but if he/she repeatedly lies to you, I feel there's really no point and it's just a complete waste of time. Wasting of time is the worst thing on earth because it cannot be retrieved. I have wasted more than a year of my time on this guy. And so I prayed to God to ask him to show me what this guy really was and I did find out eventually. That was the happiest thing that ever happened because I now know how much he had been lying to me and that if I continue with a cheater and find reasons for his cheating, I will go crazy.

Although I cried for 3 days at first until there were no more tears, I strongly believe time will heal the pain, if not a new person will. All I think of now is, WHY things happened this way? WHY was I his "victim", WHY wasn't he just satisfied with one girl. I'm still recovering and I hope you will too one day. Never give up trying =)

All the best!


are u able to pretend nothing had happen?

u have been trying to 'catch' her. Now u got your wishes but u can't let go.

ask yourself, do u still love her? are u just feel that because u have love her so much, and the love was not return and u worse she betray u. Now u wan her back to fullfill the empty space left by her


read ur post and it reminded so much about myself... i beg to difer that time heals... but time dulls the pain...

it is impt to keep urself busy, pick up a new hobby and stop asking urself "Y". does knowing "Y" solves the problem?

have to helpe urself k.
T+3rd Day.

Slept at 5am just now because I simply can't sleep. Woke up at 8ish am to feed my baby. It's conservatively 4 days have not had good sleep. I tried not to think, really difficult when it comes to sleep... Any advise on this? I tried to make myself extremely tired, all I got was those half asleep state. Then when I wake up, it was like instant and first thing came to my mind was....

I agree with some of you guys, honestly... Boring? I can't say I am exciting or boring, you got to know me first to know exactly how I am though. But this ain't important.

I have a question, because the dog is with me, she said she wants to visit on the weekend. If really she appears, I don't know how to face her, or react, or what to talk about.

I am prepared for the actual filing this Monday and spending a weekend to prepare my statement for submission to my lawyer. Day to day pass, more and more agony. I broke down for 3 days... Yesterday I really can't take it, it's almost like the whole river of water rushed out of my eyes...

I just got to push on. Thinking to rest awhile more or go out for my coffee.

Friday night used to flash pass me so fast, feels like a tormenting day, coupled with the weekend. :`(
Oh btw, we both owned a HDB flat... Unfortunately because it's only in the 3rd year, I have to wait another less than 2 years before I fulfill my MOP. I wanted to wait 2 years later then file, but I really can't cling on and being taken for a ride ever again...Like some of you guys said, clean break.

I really hope after the final judgement (estimated 5 to 6 months), HDB approves the sale of flat if not by then left 1 year odd, I can rent out and slowly find a new place. I want to get a studio or 2 bedroom apartment, but shall see how it goes.

Anyway, for 4 years, I had faithfully wore the ring and never removed. It is part of me... Should I keep? I was thinking of driving down to some beach or maybe Pebble Bay area and just throw the ring into the sea and also at the same time throw the memories... What you guys do with the ring? Do share, thanks.

P/s: Thanks Peas, ckgal and lost for your kind advise.


New Member
again, be strong.

some people will throw away the stuffs related to the partner as they don't wish to see those things again as the stuffs will remind them of the pain and memories.

honestly imo, memories will always be somewhere in you even if you dump the stuffs, isnt it so?


Active Member
"I was thinking of driving down to some beach or maybe Pebble Bay area and just throw the ring into the sea and also at the same time throw the memories... "

so drama for what?

throw it here lah:

and get the other ring from her if u can
Dear threadstarter, I do feel your pain as I also discovered my husband affair with one friend n yes I was too shocked n numb that I rushed home n whacked him n even kicked him. At that time I was too shocked to cry but later I broke out in tears. Now is 3rd day n I still don't know whether to file for separation or divorce cos we got a kid. I thinking if no kid, it will be easier to walk away but rather difficult time for me now.

I agree with u on the phrase that it takes two hand to clap. However I hv the urge to div him but on the other hand I can't tolerate those thoughts of them being together. Very painful to think abt this n wanted to take revenge on them.

U must hang on n be strong for those beloved ones ard u. Now I reading up on the separation n divorce but nt sure which one to file.


New Member
Hi Torn guy, I chanced upon this thread while sourcing for divorce processes. Reading your bad experiences soured my heart again. I felt that we are just like identical twins....hence I signed up an account to give you some support.

I can fully empathize with you as I am currently going through the same situation as you. You do not smoke, drink, flirt and believe hitting a woman is wrong (I am just like you) but yet our marriage failed.

The good thing about your case is at least you confirmed your wife had cheated on you. For me, I do not have concrete proof. I can only guess... though I am 99.99% sure.

My advice to you is to be strong. Tell yourself it is time to move on to a new chapter of your life. I am sure there will be a woman out there who fits you, love you, understand you and respect marriage vows.

*To the hell with cheating spouses*


Well-Known Member
You do not smoke, drink, flirt and believe hitting a woman is wrong (I am just like you) but yet our marriage failed.

Unreal expectation... as if bad marriages happens ONLY when the man is mean to the woman. Face it, we do make bad and wrong choices in life. It doesn't make you treat your spouse right, u will be guaranteed anything. In the same way, there are so many cheating men despite a loving wife and happy marriage. It isn't just men that cheats. WAKE UP!


New Member
Err.. u sounded mean with the WAKE UP ending. U seem sensitive to that bold sentence or was I wrong in my interpretation? Are you one of the cheating spouse? Just a joke.. =) Anyway, I was just phrasing in another way that being a good man does not necessary reap rewards.

Hmm..I beg to differ that unreal expectations is the cause of bad marriage (did i read u correctly) Marriage is about mutual respect, trust and most importantly communication. A lot of marriages failed and the cause of the roots is more than often - lack of communications or wrong type of engagement. Yes, we may make wrong choices and imposed our decisions on behalf of our spouses. The spouse gets unhappy but kept silent. Overtime, the suffocation builds up and once the pressure is released from the vent.. the marriage breaks down regardless of 3rd party or not.

To me, the spouse should speak up and communicate. If the other half is understanding and rationale, I am sure the above can be managed properly. Of course this can happen only if one has a reasonable and understanding spouse. Hey, expectations can be managed after all.

I only agreed with you on your last sentence..both woman and men cheats. However, it does not give justification for them to cheat if your spouse did not meet your expectations. So why married in the 1st place? I can only say the evolving society makes Marriage seems to be a game. Sad but true


Well-Known Member
sounded mean? Its meant as a wake up slap for you, for sure I will not sayang and kiss u. lolz

Anyway, u get it all wrong bro. I'm no cheating man. In reality, a principled person is nice without expectations and despite hostile and difficult environment. He is what he is because of his beliefs and not because he expected to be treated nicely. It sucks to be a bad situation, but life has no guarantee. Its a fact of life. No matter how you lament.

If we are only nice when life is good, it shows our principles and beliefs are only skin deep. Many people like to be the nice guy, but not everyone can accept that reality behind it all. You are in a difficult patch, so, for sure, you need some time to rant and lament. Get over it. Take care.

You tell me your principles, then, stand by it. Don't let a failed marriage make you disheartened. You just need to find the right mate to appreciate that goodness.
i gave up being a nice guy long ago.
it doesn't pay to be nice if ppl around you, take you for granted.
after all, change is a constant in life.


Well-Known Member
Nothing to give up. Being nice to one that abuses u is plain dumb. When we are being taken for granted, its not because we are nice, but because we were too blinded.

No one can be nice to everyone. We need to prioritize and care for those that matters. Our time and resources are limited, we need to make the best of it. Make it count. Don't pour your time and passion in a pit. It will suck you dry and grow that appetite till you can no longer sustain. When it doesn't turn out how we expect it, we said, its just being nice. We forget the foolish and gullible part. That's contributing to the blindness to the signs until the reality is too obvious to ignore. If can only learn from it, when we acknowledge where we went wrong.

Be nice to the person that is worth your time, cut it of when you realize it isn't so. No matter how it hurts. You are still standing by your principles to be nice.


Well-Known Member
Remember, we can be so nice to a kid but spoil him and grow his bad behavior and demanding nature. Its not just children, we can spoil our mate or parents to take us for granted. Its not because we are nice. But, because we didn't maintain that balance. Sometime, we just didn't know when to put a stop to bad mistake from the beginning.

Whatever the lessons, one needs to pick it up than blame it on somewhere. There is absolutely nothing bad or wrong about having good integrity and morals.