italianosportivo
Member
Hi all,
I really don’t know where and who to turn to…so share my story, here. I am devastated…
My life went upside down when my I found my wife yesterday at a Hotel with another guy.
I knew my wife since Sec 1, back those days, we were having so called “Puppy Love†which didn’t last. We didn’t even talk to each other till Sec 4 went I left school, never contacted ever since. Roughly 5 years later, we happen to meet near my office. We exchange phone number and later started to go out together for coffee and dates… First time we watch movie was the first time we held hands (lol, I pretend to be scared of some scenes so took the opportunity to hold her hands, yeah….typical, I was shy). Still remember that movie was “Constantin†by Keanu Reeves. Since then roughly about 2 years later, I proposed and we decided to get married. In summary, we knew each other for more than 16 years, been together for 6 years and married for 4 years.
We were happily married in a way, arguments and quarrels are inevitable. I am not a perfect man and came from a broken family (my parents) when I was young but I always go by this principle and told myself and wife, never will I lay hands on a women…never. I am basically a typical guy out there that works, finish work do my best to be home before 7pm to see my wife. I don’t drink, gamble or flirt around. Yes, traditional and sensitive man. Not shy about it. I send her to work every day since she moved office and I try my best to pick her from work. I make it a point to occasionally cook for her and bring her out for dinner because she always say we eat at home too often, especially dinner….maybe too homely person and too tired after work to go out. But yes, I listen and make it a point to put into action, no matter how tired I was.
Nightmare started when she flirted with my best friend almost 1.5 years ago, we nearly had a divorce but I told myself, take a leap of faith. The best part is my best friend’s wife told me about it. Took us almost 1 month to resolve this, but not totally. Guess what, after the incident I went to my best friend and his wife and told them…..I forgave them. I was never like this but never expect I could open my heart to say this. Things started to turn worst when I felt the love from her to me was limited, always depends on her mood etc. Since last year, I felt something was different, something was not right….perhaps invisible feel? Sixth sense perhaps?
Early this year, I ask her, promise me to be faithful and honest. She couldn’t answer me…. This weird feeling inside me started to build up. To date, she hasn’t done much to try to win my trust and at the same time, the fear and loss of trust kept building inside me which resulted in many times asking her where she is or over questioned her….I knew I was at fault, but it really takes 2 hands to clap. 2 weeks later asked her the same question she said: “I promise you, but not sure if I can fulfilâ€. Time pass and my doubts kept building, I knew this was unhealthy but somehow I had nightmares and small indication from her sometimes that shows things are not right… Yes, because of love, I keep pretending nothing happened or I just merely thinking too much. She always said that she will do her best to make things work between us but she always failed to try. Boiling point was reaching. Because she never tried to convince me after so many of such incidents, I became too controlled over certain things, too sensitive and fearful to everything….Yes, I was insecure in short and I am to be blamed too.
2 months ago, I found out that a “Whatsapp†message that looks like a more than normal friend type of content hence I ask her for her phone and pretend I wanted to play games. After checking, I realised she has the same friend with 2 different contacts in the Phone Book. Eg: LilyTan and Lily_Tan (not real name to protect privacy), both saved differently with different numbers. Hence, I decided to take note of the number and told my wife I am going down to buy drinks. Instead, I went to public phone and the first number was a guy who picked up. My hand shivered, fear, disappointment and hurt. Later, I went back and first I gave her a chance to explain herself, she keep mum about it and keep insisting that her friend “Lily Tan†has recently bought another new phone and kept saying it could be her husband. Then further questioning, she said it was a guy friend she met in her previous office. Took almost 2 days before I told her, let’s move on but I need her help because it takes 2 hands to clap. She again said she tried. Me? I took the leap of faith, again…
2 weeks ago, she told me that she has 2 company events this week. First was this Wednesday and the other was Thursday, which was yesterday, a company dinner. Day before yesterday, something in me told me to want to download a “Locator†on her phone hence I did. I know it is wrong but my sixth sense so far has not failed me, no reason, I shouldn’t have done it and I regretted doing it. The worst started yesterday, at about 12:30pm, she went for lunch with her colleagues. She sent me a message claiming she going nearby Mall for some fast food. I told her I want to see a pic of the food she eating (I started by taking a pic of my lunch first so that it doesn’t sound like I am suspicious of her), but she insisted that why I keep asking such things and she say she wanted to just eat her lunch and chat with her colleagues because she claims that she has no time to chat during working hours. I gave in and kept quiet. But when I turn the Locator on, I realised she was heading a different direction and not the nearby Mall. 30mins later, her location stopped at a Hotel in town. In that instant, I told myself and wish that this crap application is screwed up. Well, I couldn’t resist and drove down to that location….
When I reached that location, I called her office…no one picked up. I called her mobile, she said she was at the pantry and can even pretend to talk to her colleague. Then, I said can you answer the office phone and she said could be her land line problem. The whole situation became fishy and I called her office reception straight away, my heart dropped when I heard she took half day. My hands was shivering like mad, I picked up my phone to dial her number and I tried 5 to 6 times and I couldn’t dial the right number because my hands were shivering and shaking so bad, I almost couldn’t contain myself at the hotel lobby. Finally she answered, I questioned her where are you, she insisted she was in the pantry. Then I questioned her and I mentioned I called your office and they say you are on half day leave, she replied and say she went out for client meeting. At this moment, I said I am downstairs, can you come down. She still insist she not in office and can’t come down. Then, I mentioned I am at the hotel lobby, come down now. Took about nearly 5 to 10 minutes before she acknowledge and came down. During that first 5 minutes waiting at the lift, I prayed to god and hope that she won’t appear in the lift when it opens but my heart fell when I saw her.
We then proceeded to the car and the first thing I told her was and I quote in my own words: “In a marriage, no matter how much you hate the other party or lost the love, just walk away or file for divorce. Why must it end this way?†I even mentioned my years of faithfulness that I put in, but why reciprocate me with an Adultery? She blamed me and said: “How I know you never betrayed me behind my backâ€, I was so sad and disappointed by her words. At this point she still denied that she had a guy upstairs but obviously, when I saw the locator, it shows SMS messages from the guy to her when she was in my car and things like: “Are you ok? Need me to come down?â€
I composed myself and didn’t raised my voice in the end…I ended the conversation there and then: “I never regret loving you and I never regret marrying you, but I regret it has to end this way….†I broke down. She said let’s discuss tonight when we are more compose and calm. Then, she left the car and WENT BACK UP THE HOTEL!
She moved out last night, in front of me she said she wants to come back weekends to play with our dog, to see me and iron clothes for me. She said she “love me†and “miss me†but on the other hand, I found out she message the other guy and said “sorry, he just came back, don’t message me first†and followed by “I miss you and love you too†from my wife to him… I feel cheated, the sense of hope lingers in my heart because of having to love someone so deeply. But I still have to say, “The house is still yours, you can come back any time until the sale of the flat…. I broke down, again.
My friends asked me three questions: Do I still love her? My reply was yes. Will I accept her if she apologise and admit her mistake? My reply was yes. Can you really accept her and move on? My reply was yes. But I also reiterate on one point, second and third question takes 2 parties to work. One to learn to take the leap of faith and the other to earn the respect and trust back and not only myself or oneself. A lot of my friends even colleagues says go and call that guy and meet him face to face to tell him off but sorry, I am not that kind of person and it does not one any better… Doing this is just a spur of heated moment, it doesn’t help.
There are more to it…I just want to voice what I have in mind, I am blinded by love. I am meeting my lawyer in 1 hours’ time as I still have some assets matter to discuss. One moment my heart tells me to settle this and make a clean break immediately, but my heart also keeps telling me I still love her and the love for her is un-measureable but when I go to that state of mind, my fear haunts me again, will I be hurt again.
I regretted tracking her and really wished I never knew such things. Some things are better to not know about it. I am in emotional agony, disappointed and torn… Tomorrow is weekend, first step to road of recovery with a painful road ahead. Takes time to heal and easier said than done because? I Love Her Too Much….
Sorry, while writing this as I felt very emotional while writing the last incident so apologise if some sentence don’t make sense.
Thanks for listening and hope some comments, advise or support. I know, ultimately, I have to walk through this painful path to the road of recovery and a new life. I ain’t perfect.
Regards,
A broken guy…
I really don’t know where and who to turn to…so share my story, here. I am devastated…
My life went upside down when my I found my wife yesterday at a Hotel with another guy.
I knew my wife since Sec 1, back those days, we were having so called “Puppy Love†which didn’t last. We didn’t even talk to each other till Sec 4 went I left school, never contacted ever since. Roughly 5 years later, we happen to meet near my office. We exchange phone number and later started to go out together for coffee and dates… First time we watch movie was the first time we held hands (lol, I pretend to be scared of some scenes so took the opportunity to hold her hands, yeah….typical, I was shy). Still remember that movie was “Constantin†by Keanu Reeves. Since then roughly about 2 years later, I proposed and we decided to get married. In summary, we knew each other for more than 16 years, been together for 6 years and married for 4 years.
We were happily married in a way, arguments and quarrels are inevitable. I am not a perfect man and came from a broken family (my parents) when I was young but I always go by this principle and told myself and wife, never will I lay hands on a women…never. I am basically a typical guy out there that works, finish work do my best to be home before 7pm to see my wife. I don’t drink, gamble or flirt around. Yes, traditional and sensitive man. Not shy about it. I send her to work every day since she moved office and I try my best to pick her from work. I make it a point to occasionally cook for her and bring her out for dinner because she always say we eat at home too often, especially dinner….maybe too homely person and too tired after work to go out. But yes, I listen and make it a point to put into action, no matter how tired I was.
Nightmare started when she flirted with my best friend almost 1.5 years ago, we nearly had a divorce but I told myself, take a leap of faith. The best part is my best friend’s wife told me about it. Took us almost 1 month to resolve this, but not totally. Guess what, after the incident I went to my best friend and his wife and told them…..I forgave them. I was never like this but never expect I could open my heart to say this. Things started to turn worst when I felt the love from her to me was limited, always depends on her mood etc. Since last year, I felt something was different, something was not right….perhaps invisible feel? Sixth sense perhaps?
Early this year, I ask her, promise me to be faithful and honest. She couldn’t answer me…. This weird feeling inside me started to build up. To date, she hasn’t done much to try to win my trust and at the same time, the fear and loss of trust kept building inside me which resulted in many times asking her where she is or over questioned her….I knew I was at fault, but it really takes 2 hands to clap. 2 weeks later asked her the same question she said: “I promise you, but not sure if I can fulfilâ€. Time pass and my doubts kept building, I knew this was unhealthy but somehow I had nightmares and small indication from her sometimes that shows things are not right… Yes, because of love, I keep pretending nothing happened or I just merely thinking too much. She always said that she will do her best to make things work between us but she always failed to try. Boiling point was reaching. Because she never tried to convince me after so many of such incidents, I became too controlled over certain things, too sensitive and fearful to everything….Yes, I was insecure in short and I am to be blamed too.
2 months ago, I found out that a “Whatsapp†message that looks like a more than normal friend type of content hence I ask her for her phone and pretend I wanted to play games. After checking, I realised she has the same friend with 2 different contacts in the Phone Book. Eg: LilyTan and Lily_Tan (not real name to protect privacy), both saved differently with different numbers. Hence, I decided to take note of the number and told my wife I am going down to buy drinks. Instead, I went to public phone and the first number was a guy who picked up. My hand shivered, fear, disappointment and hurt. Later, I went back and first I gave her a chance to explain herself, she keep mum about it and keep insisting that her friend “Lily Tan†has recently bought another new phone and kept saying it could be her husband. Then further questioning, she said it was a guy friend she met in her previous office. Took almost 2 days before I told her, let’s move on but I need her help because it takes 2 hands to clap. She again said she tried. Me? I took the leap of faith, again…
2 weeks ago, she told me that she has 2 company events this week. First was this Wednesday and the other was Thursday, which was yesterday, a company dinner. Day before yesterday, something in me told me to want to download a “Locator†on her phone hence I did. I know it is wrong but my sixth sense so far has not failed me, no reason, I shouldn’t have done it and I regretted doing it. The worst started yesterday, at about 12:30pm, she went for lunch with her colleagues. She sent me a message claiming she going nearby Mall for some fast food. I told her I want to see a pic of the food she eating (I started by taking a pic of my lunch first so that it doesn’t sound like I am suspicious of her), but she insisted that why I keep asking such things and she say she wanted to just eat her lunch and chat with her colleagues because she claims that she has no time to chat during working hours. I gave in and kept quiet. But when I turn the Locator on, I realised she was heading a different direction and not the nearby Mall. 30mins later, her location stopped at a Hotel in town. In that instant, I told myself and wish that this crap application is screwed up. Well, I couldn’t resist and drove down to that location….
When I reached that location, I called her office…no one picked up. I called her mobile, she said she was at the pantry and can even pretend to talk to her colleague. Then, I said can you answer the office phone and she said could be her land line problem. The whole situation became fishy and I called her office reception straight away, my heart dropped when I heard she took half day. My hands was shivering like mad, I picked up my phone to dial her number and I tried 5 to 6 times and I couldn’t dial the right number because my hands were shivering and shaking so bad, I almost couldn’t contain myself at the hotel lobby. Finally she answered, I questioned her where are you, she insisted she was in the pantry. Then I questioned her and I mentioned I called your office and they say you are on half day leave, she replied and say she went out for client meeting. At this moment, I said I am downstairs, can you come down. She still insist she not in office and can’t come down. Then, I mentioned I am at the hotel lobby, come down now. Took about nearly 5 to 10 minutes before she acknowledge and came down. During that first 5 minutes waiting at the lift, I prayed to god and hope that she won’t appear in the lift when it opens but my heart fell when I saw her.
We then proceeded to the car and the first thing I told her was and I quote in my own words: “In a marriage, no matter how much you hate the other party or lost the love, just walk away or file for divorce. Why must it end this way?†I even mentioned my years of faithfulness that I put in, but why reciprocate me with an Adultery? She blamed me and said: “How I know you never betrayed me behind my backâ€, I was so sad and disappointed by her words. At this point she still denied that she had a guy upstairs but obviously, when I saw the locator, it shows SMS messages from the guy to her when she was in my car and things like: “Are you ok? Need me to come down?â€
I composed myself and didn’t raised my voice in the end…I ended the conversation there and then: “I never regret loving you and I never regret marrying you, but I regret it has to end this way….†I broke down. She said let’s discuss tonight when we are more compose and calm. Then, she left the car and WENT BACK UP THE HOTEL!
She moved out last night, in front of me she said she wants to come back weekends to play with our dog, to see me and iron clothes for me. She said she “love me†and “miss me†but on the other hand, I found out she message the other guy and said “sorry, he just came back, don’t message me first†and followed by “I miss you and love you too†from my wife to him… I feel cheated, the sense of hope lingers in my heart because of having to love someone so deeply. But I still have to say, “The house is still yours, you can come back any time until the sale of the flat…. I broke down, again.
My friends asked me three questions: Do I still love her? My reply was yes. Will I accept her if she apologise and admit her mistake? My reply was yes. Can you really accept her and move on? My reply was yes. But I also reiterate on one point, second and third question takes 2 parties to work. One to learn to take the leap of faith and the other to earn the respect and trust back and not only myself or oneself. A lot of my friends even colleagues says go and call that guy and meet him face to face to tell him off but sorry, I am not that kind of person and it does not one any better… Doing this is just a spur of heated moment, it doesn’t help.
There are more to it…I just want to voice what I have in mind, I am blinded by love. I am meeting my lawyer in 1 hours’ time as I still have some assets matter to discuss. One moment my heart tells me to settle this and make a clean break immediately, but my heart also keeps telling me I still love her and the love for her is un-measureable but when I go to that state of mind, my fear haunts me again, will I be hurt again.
I regretted tracking her and really wished I never knew such things. Some things are better to not know about it. I am in emotional agony, disappointed and torn… Tomorrow is weekend, first step to road of recovery with a painful road ahead. Takes time to heal and easier said than done because? I Love Her Too Much….
Sorry, while writing this as I felt very emotional while writing the last incident so apologise if some sentence don’t make sense.
Thanks for listening and hope some comments, advise or support. I know, ultimately, I have to walk through this painful path to the road of recovery and a new life. I ain’t perfect.
Regards,
A broken guy…
