Devastated....Failed Marriage

a song that help me through the tough times.

no regrets by robbie williams

Tell me a story
Where we all change
And we'd live our lives together
And not enstranged

I didn't lose my mind it was
Mine to give away
Couldn't stay to watch me cry
You didn't have the time
So I softly slip away...

No regrets / they don't work
No regrets / they only hurt
Sing me a love song
Drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine

I know from the outside
We looked good for eachother
Felt things were going wrong
When you didn't like my mother

I don't want to hate but that's
All you've left me with
A bitter aftertaste and a fantasy of
How we all could live

No regrets / they don't work
No regrets / they only hurt
(We've been told you stay up late)
I know they're still talking
(You're far too short to carry weight)
The demons in your head
(Return the videos they're late)
If I could just stop hating you
I'd feel sorry for us instead

Remember the photographs (insane)
The ones where we all laugh (so lame)
We were having the time of our lives
Well thank you it was a real blast

No regrets / they don't work
No regrets / they only hurt
Write me a love song
Drop me a line
Suppose it's just a point of view
But they tell me I'm doing fine

Everything I wanted to be every
Time I walked away
Everytime you told me to leave
I just wanted to stay
Every time you looked at me and
Everytime you smiled
I felt so vacant you treat me like a child
I loved the way we used to laugh
I loved the way we used to smile
Often I sit down and think of you
For a while
Then it passes by me and I think of
Someone else instead
I guess the love we once had is
Officially dead

Early T+4th Day...

Well, as expected, she came back to look for dog today on T+3rd Day evening. We spent 7 hours chatting...

I tried to test her... I said, there are 2 ways. Firstly, we file for divorce, don't waste each other's time or the other, "YOU" try to savage this marriage and we work together collectively. However, there are conditions that I set out. I told her we need marriage counselling, need to be honest and how much effort she willing to put in. I also said that next few years will not be a walk in the park but if both parties willing to be pro-active in communication and honesty, I believe it will work out. But, she insist that she wants 100% freedom and I give in and she won't answer to anything. She also insist that nothing happen between them in the hotel as she said and I quote: "Believe it or not" unquote. I need more than words now.

Not sure if you guys heard about the 80/20 story? Well, basically in short your other half you have been married for years is the 80%, the fling is 20%...The moral of the story is, do you want to risk 80% (essentially your spouse) just to have 20% fling? She said to me, she was the 20%...

I haven't had good and proper sleep for almost 4 days...Can't have proper meals and my eyes are puffy. When will this stop...? Now reach a state of both mentally and physcially tired. How to make myself sleep....
Blur, you mean it happened on Thursday? Anyway, I am in the same predicament. We really have to ride this through..take care as well. Talk to both family, friends and a lawyer to seek opinon... It helps.

Zinedine, day by day, although it hurts and breaking down is inevitable, but I slowly see light at the end of tunnel...The truth. I hope this light is not a mirage. Anyway, thanks for the support.

Milo, yes, I really need a slap. I told my wife just now, with this incident, I've learnt and grown up to see my flaws and also to see things in multiple perspective instead of one. It broaden my mind with respect to how I start to judge things, to see the truth and to be able to put things down and piece the puzzle a step at a time and not rush things. Am still emotionally unstable but I hope my sanity can help me coupe with the decision I am going to make soon... I guess I know the answer in my head while typing this..

Arsenal, thanks for the song!

To the rest, many many thousand thanks for the moral support thru PM. You guys really gave me some support while dealing with this situation. Appreicate it.
give her the freedom she wants...keeping her by your side, just seems like a time bomb waiting to explode.

too often, ppl who resolve their lives around marriages clearly have no safety net should their marriage break down.
feelings change.
ppl stray.
love can fade.
but life must go on.
Arsenal, agreed. Life must go on... pain or joy, still another day.

But, to err is human and to forgive is devine... I am like this, soft hearted but I know it may only be the way to mend broken hearts short term but never long...

Again if I really love her and I do with no regrets even till this day, this moment, I have to let her go... I think and feel this is the only way, the most painful way in my life...
I wish the love was endless... I failed
I wish the love was faithful... I never received
I wish the love was honest... I got lies

I can't promise her that there won't be arguements...
I can't promise her that I will always be there for her...
I also can't promise her that the love is perfect...
But I promise, if I never asked for her hands when we first met, I would regret for the rest of my life.

I finally found someone who knocks my feet off and shares my life more than 6 years ago, but now seems like I finally lost someone... Filled with regrets not to see this love till death do us part. It wasn't meant to be... from the start.

Shall end the night with this song...


New Member
U arent able to sleep and eat for 4 days too but then be prepared tat these will still be continued on n off throughout the yrs..

Despite on u giving ur heart n soul to mend the bridge, her response was to give her full freedom, tt's only indicate tt she will stay with u out of sympathy but then she will still be leading her own lifestyle outside.

It shows how much u meant in her heart when a woman goes into a hotel with a guy.


Active Member
this song's more fitting...

At eight o'clock we said goodbye
that's when I left her house for mine
She said that she'd be staying in –
well she had to be at work by nine

So I get home and have a bath
and let an hour or two pass
drifting in front of my TV
when a film comes on that she wants to see

It's Monday Morning 5:19
and I'm still wondering where she's been
'cos every time I try to call I just get her machine
And now it's almost six am, and I don't want to try again
<font color="ff0000">'cos if she's still not back then this must be the end </font>

At half past two I picture her
in the back of someone else's car –
he runs his fingers through her hair...
Oh you shouldn't let him touch you there!

It's Monday Morning 5:19
and I'm still wondering where she's been
'cos every time I try to call I just get her machine
And now it's almost six am, and I don't want to try again
<font color="ff0000">'cos if she's still not back, well heaven knows, what then, is this the end? </font>


Well-Known Member
in reality, she isn't ready to let go of the affair. She wants both slices of the cake. Its pretty clear where its all heading.


Well-Known Member
Quit checking on her, there is nothing more that you do not already know. Her heart isn't with you, the marriage &amp; relationship is already gone.

No need to guess anymore. You have laid the conditions very clearly and she isn't willing to tango with you.
T+4.5 Days, mood as hazy as today...

Managed to get some sleep, insufficient... But guess just mentally tired. Well, prayed to get some sleep and god gave me some strength. Thank him for that.

4 days feels like 4 years. Tomorrow is another working day. It's gonna be a tough week ahead. Shall push myself.

I'm still lying to myself but I really got to say stop, just let go and move... I will, somehow.

Tired... And frustrated.... ARGH!!!!!!!!!
Oh, I made a 11min video clip (including photos of us in many places, holidays, mug shots, videos of us, ROM, marriage photos and narrative) of the 6 years of our life and showed her yesterday and gave her a copy. I made it for her and told her this will be the best and final gift from me to her...from my heart.

I spent 14 hours to compile. Everytime I see it sours my heart... I ain't made of steel or heart of a stone. I am just too sentimental.

But honestly, this is the best gift I ever given to anyone in my life... The best.

Sorry, I think some how I deserve a slap for this but...


New Member
'I'll meet you halfway, that's better than no way
There must be some way to get it together
And if there's some way, I know some day
We just might work it out forever.'

Jia you!!!


You can reply her if you want but don't read too much into it. She's just bored or can't break the routine of u guys spending the weekends together yet.


New Member
Maybe the other guy is not with her, so she is bored. If she cherish the marriage, she would drop the guy and work to gain ur trust back. she just want the best of both world.

Do take care.


New Member
Maybe you can tell her you are coping fine. Perhaps it's the guilt acting on her, for what she had done to you. So she just wants to make sure you are ok...
or perhaps she thought that by her checking on you via sms, she is helping you to recover faster or feel better. But what she does not know is that the sms she sent u only makes u feel worst.

Honestly i would very much would like to encourage you to ignore her sms. But i am sure it must be very tough on you... so if you feel like replying, just go ahead..

I think you are doing well at this moment, trying to get yourself on ur feet. Please be strong. You are taking little step each day to move on.. you are doing just fine

Jia you!
To be really honest... I want her back and I want to see her, hug her and say everything is fine and look beyond the flaws, mistake and betrayal to me. But I know it's not long term solution so there, I am very very much in denial now and a massive volcano of dilemma building inside me.

Not knowing what's the truth or what's lies coupled with the passion and love still inside me, am going crazy here...

I really need a slap in the face and constantly being kicked... I need physical pain and not emotional pain.


Well-Known Member
what u want is not in line with reality. If you struggle to come to terms with that, u will always be on a roller coaster. You cannot get what you want with her. Cold turkey if you need. No use taking out all the photos and videos now to make yourself feel sorrier than you are already.


New Member
Tornguy, ok, she asked u wat u r doing, BUT has she ever asked u how u r feeling, or has she ever said sorry? Has she ever considered how u muz b feelinf since d day u caught her at d hotel? Do u think she cares for u one bit?

Wake up! She is juz bored, or juz feeling guilty n so decided to sms u to see if u r coping. That's all. For me, if i loved guy, i will never hurt him d way she has hurt u. It is so obvious tt she no longer loves why r u still wanting her back or wanting to see her?

U r making urself out to b a fool, tornguy. No matter how sweet or deep ur love w her was, it is d PAST.

U hav to b rational. Cut out d sentimentality, d memories, etc n THINK.

Sorry for being so harsh. Bt when i see u being in so much turmoil when she has treated u so badly i juz feel it is so ridiculous n so wrong.
Thanks...Yes, come what may I will file for divorce next week. I think I have decided, I will assure myself and remind myself. Not harsh words, you guys are very right. I need to get through this.

I do my best to contain myself from now on... I will.


New Member
I knw i m gonna gt flamed here for being harsh, bt i wan tornguy to see how much hurt d gal has brought him. N i wan him to knw tt hanging on to her, to shreds of d past will only bring him more pain.

Tornguy, tmr is monday - workday. Ur job, ur frens, ur family....r all tt u hav now. Go slp....tmr will b a better day. U cant let tis affect ur work tmr. Ur colleagues, frens...will b there for u tmr. Life will go on. N it will get better....
Am numbing myself. I closed all the files, photos and pictures. Now my laptop only has this page and my newly created facebook.

I must say, you guys and the support I get from everyone around me was great. I now need to fully rely on myself. Days and nights will not get better but will let time do the job... I will and hope I won't break.

I'll take my final courage and strength to finish up the Statement that I need to prepare for my lawyer next week. Shall to this tonight and close the chapter.

Again thanks for the relentless support...Cheers.


New Member
Torn guy, u hav to contain urself. Cuz nt only r u someone's hubby, u r also someone's employee, u r also someone's fren n also someone's son.

All is nt lost. Look at d other areas of ur life n pull urself up frm there.

All of us here will give u support too.take care.
a case study from sbf...those with kids have a more complicated situation.

I had the same belief "you will get what you give" in life. In some instances i am right but mostly wrong in my marriage. My wife had been treated so well by me that she had become terribly lazy, foul tempered, disrespecful to my parents, take me for granted, shout at the kids over small matters and mentally deranged.
In the past few years she had romantic and sexually explicit exchanges with people in the chatrooms. When confronted she cooked up all kinds of stories and excuses. The last straw was when she went overseas to meet the man and stayed with him for 3 weeks. She gave the excuse of wanting to start a business. Business my foot! My PI reported her sitting on his lap kissing, hugging and laughing for 20 minutes. She even denied she had no feelings for this man.
The shouting of the kids will affect their upbringing as my girl uses the same words the mother uses. And the mother had the cheek to reprimand my girl for using those same words she uses.
Sometimes it is too late to realise that your love will lead to the undoing of the relationship. Now i am letting go and have stop doing things i have done for her for so long. I agree that she takes it as her marital right to receive and i am always in the wrong for any issue in the relationship. And it is also her right to withhold giving.
Argue back? No point anymore. At the end she always say "Yes. I am in the wrong, i am bad so what you want now?" There is no reason or logic to apply when dealing with this type of woman.
Extramarital affairs? I had one but usually prefer to pay as i don't want any KC attachments. Sometimes going to GL is also to remind myself that i am still a man, i still am able to function and preserve my sanity.
I feel it is alright to start a relationship once your marriage is officially over. So long as you have the best interests of the children at heart. Just open your eyes and DO NOT get married again. There is this saying going around "人生有多少个å年“. You and i and many others here DESERVE and must find OUR happiness.
Remember the saying "男人ä¸å,女人ä¸çˆ±â€œ. Many of us are in our kind of situation. Good, 1st class, expecting a fair return type, want to love wholeheartedly and end up suffering. Is there fairness? I have given up on my wife.

i think this is quite applicable to your wife.

There will always be someone out there who is a better companion or better whatever than the one you are having now. If you subscribe to the notion of marriage, then you should just stop searching and comparing once you're committed. For the better or worst....

Else don't get married or start any family.

Marriage is not for everyone, unfortunately most people don't know what they want in life.


Well-Known Member
there are all kinds of folks around. Some people have no issues making use of willing parties. As long as they didn't force or demand it, they believe their conscience is clear. And there are unrealistic and willing fools that give endlessly.

This is not to insult u. I went this path only to realize emotions and sincerity isn't enough. Its not about giving your best and everything. They might have strong feelings and be absolutely touched by your sincerity. At the end of the day, they are still selfish in their needs and wants. People don't just change. Their values and morals are the hardest things to influence, no one else but themselves could make that change.

So, since she isn't willing, don't struggle with it anymore. It will never work with you doing a solo. You have to accept that you guys weren't compatible to begin with, she needs a much more open relationship with partner that are fine with flings and eating outside.


Active Member
thanks to ur wife, u and the other guy become weiner cousins forever.

that's one thing that will never change

and there's more to come if u dun run fast...

MORE cousins.


Active Member
come to think of it, u will still get more cousins no matter what...

best thing to do is to cut all ties with her so u dun hv to know anything if u dun want to.
I still can't eat and also sad that my baby dog can't eat much. Both no appetite. Anyway, really struggling to keep myself sane.

Anyway, have a great dinner folks!


New Member
Popping in to give u some encouragement *\(^o^)/* Though you can only help urself..Indulge urself in work, talk it out with frds..Frds r impt pillar of support at this moment..

dun cope at only make u worse.
Thanks. I am writing a final letter to her and I am at the same time preparing the Statement for submission, perhaps tomorrow I complete the Statement.

I think I finally figured out. To let go is not about time, hatred, love or why... Perhaps to each his/her own, I decided to forgive her wrong doings to me, to see past the flaws and to bid her a final farewell. I think it makes me feel better than trying to find out....why? Like some of you folks said, what for? Although saying this does make me feel much much better, I still have a long road ahead of me. Perserve I must!

I made this choice and I shall not backout of it. There is already no turning back and merely want to express my thoughts to her, whether or not she takes it in or not, I just do this with my heart open with no grudges. At least I don't regret in future not telling her my final blessings. My proposed letter yet to send (I omit some details out):

"Always, my Dear Princess,

It takes me with great courage to say this, after thinking it through and hard... I have decided to put everything down and I have already forgiven you for all your wrong doings. Yes, I've really forgiven you. I don't want to know or talk about the past anymore. Sorry for the things I may have done, may have said to hurt you, I sincerely apologise...

With this, I would like to let you know that I am letting you go... For the better for you and for myself. I really don't hate you or blame you anymore. I will forget the bad memories and keep the good ones... shall we? Give me a chance, and I will be your husband in this or next life and I will make it up to you, somehow, someday, some way and some life...

I thank you for your relentless love, understanding while many a times I ignore you, care for me when I took you for granted and the patience. You unconditionally loved and love me with passion in this x years and has given me so much that I simply ignored this totally. However, over the past few days, I slowly looked past your flaws and only could see what you have done for me over the past few years and when I look deep, it overwelming for me till I broke down and finally, when I felt it... it was very very very very late... from the bottom of my heart, I am very sorry and a big thank you.

I will cherish your love, for life in one form or another. My heart is still with you and now, I have to grow a new heart. Keep my current heart deep in you and if fate deem fit, perhaps god or perhaps yourself create the new fate for you to come back to me... I will keep this fate with faith.

The most difficult decision and words I have to say, in my xx years of life.... A final bid of farewell my love, my angel, my princess and my baby always. You take care of yourself ya... I, xxxx your Hubby will love you always.

P/s: My final apologies will be I am sorry that I cannot hold my promises and vows that I made to you, the dream holidays, grow old, love you forever and till death do us part...

With Eternal Love,
Yours, Hubby, xxxx.... Thank you."
Folks, I shall end this sad and painful chapter here today being the end of T+4th Day.

Thank you all for your continued support, and some even registered just to lend a hand. Now, the road is my own. I will rely on myself and pick up the pieces. I know I will somehow though difficult.

Keep in touch here or PM (PM goes to my email direct). I will and shall not want to dwell on this anymore. Time to really move on...

Many cheers, standing ovation to everyone that has experience it before me and made it now... You guys are really strong! For those just experience what I had just went strong and take my entire story here as a guide. It does help to shed some light.

And final thanks to those that are here and via email. A trillion thanks and if any chance, I will buy you guys a round of drinks.

P/s: If anything pops up unexpectedly, I will sure ask for help which I hope not.

Thank you,
Torn Guy


New Member
Milo bro, seriously I have doubts about starting another relationship and getting married again. I had 2 relationships. 1st relationship, I unknowingly became a 3rd party for a yr or so before I found out that she had a bf of many years. I stepped out of the relationship.

2nd relationship, the woman I love most, the woman who became my wife, the woman whom I did alot for her and went through the demise of the dad with her. All of all a sudden, she told me she wanted a cooling period and this cooling period resulted in a lot of regrettable events due to my poor management. We been separated for a yr. I still have regrets about how things turn out this way. If only we had better communication when things started going wrong... haiz..


New Member
Bro Arsenal, I was a gd guy all along. I wanted to be a bad guy as it seems bad guys get all the girls and married bad guys have flings outside and yet their marriage lives are perfect.

I tried to be bad for once and during this period of separation, I learnt to drink and went KTV with hostess with my friends. But I wasnt cut out for this kind of environment and stopped after several outings.

Now I am leading a normal life. I am signing up for volunteer work to pass time and do more worthwhile things that will set my idling mind. Bro Torn, suggest you may want to try volunteer work as well.
hi torn boy, yes i am same as u but i discovered the truth last wed n too shocked and now i have not eaten anything for the past 4 days but finally able to eat a bit of mooncake(1/8 cut piece) and i found i could not swallow any solid food down my throat without help of water. i realised i cannot eat any normal foods. i felt sad n pity for myself but i can sleep very deeply over last weekend as i did not sleep at all for last wed, thurs and i could sleep on last fri nite after went to drink alot on empty stomach but woke up too early. like a walking zombie..

I asked my friend to help arrange appointments to see the counsellor at my home church this coming sat. In hope to deal with my grief personally, i now dare not hope my husband can love me again as he admitted his feeling for me is almost nil. he asked me to face the reality n accept the hard road ahead. not be miserable always but be happy.

Torn guy, I really wish i have the courage to stand up and walk away from the marriage since there might be nil or very very little love in my marriage but for my son sake i m totally lost right now and this morning when i woke up and switched off the air con for it was too cold in the room to sleep comfortably, my hubby woke up on hearing the off sound, he asked me to come over to his side n i lying next to him n cos the kid is sleeping next to hubby, he made some space for me n hugged me tightly so that i wont fall off the bed. so close for both bodies cos he hugged me tightly and i really dunno in my heart if he really love me or not. I can sense he smelled my hair n rested his chin on my head while sleeping too closely.

Anyone can tell me what is going on in his mind? I really cannot tell what he is feeling rite now.