Too much to handle or am I just too selfish

miloice

Well-Known Member
It still favours women. These are just minor amendments made to WC. How about when it is the girl who find another bf outside after marriage? why must guys still pay maintenance in this case? How about a case when the girl actually abuse the guy repeatedly by hitting, scratching him and even want to smother him to death? In all these cases, men are still deemed at fault if the marriage breaks down.
While it is true that some people are abusing the system that is protecting women. I have heard many stories from social workers of irresponsible men that goes to very extreme measure to avoid their contribution to supporting the children. Not justifying the disparity, but there is a reason why the rules were in place. There are 2 sides to it. Probably it needs to be reviewed, to abolish it, I guess not. Some laws are in place, and intended to be exercised only for cases of clear irresponsible individual.
 


newproject

Active Member
While it is true that some people are abusing the system that is protecting women. I have heard many stories from social workers of irresponsible men that goes to very extreme measure to avoid their contribution to supporting the children. Not justifying the disparity, but there is a reason why the rules were in place. There are 2 sides to it. Probably it needs to be reviewed, to abolish it, I guess not. Some laws are in place, and intended to be exercised only for cases of clear irresponsible individual.

There's a difference between alimony and child support through.

Child support is a different matter , I.guess if the mother is caring for the mans child its fair (though I'm.sure some guy will disagree here for various reasons e.g. The mother using the money for herself rather than the child) for the man to pay his share to support his own kid.

Alimony on the other hand makes no sense for most woman today .
 

likethathow

New Member
Hello bros/sis,

Didn't expect it to generate so many replies. Hahhaa. Anyway, she have agreed to annulment. Not sure if its something good.

Although I have a bit anxiety of whether will she jump behind me and wanting to talk things out again.

Thank you everyone for your kind contribution, help and insight.
 

life_is

Active Member
Hi Life_is,

There are amendments made to the Women 's Charter a few months ago.havent u seen the news?women have to pay spousal maintenance to incapacitated husbands who can't work. The law doesn't totally favours the women.it works in both ways,not always a one way thing.

I will only respect women who don't ask for maintenance. These are the equals who believe in gender equality. Seen too many who want money and hdb flat and would do anything to get a divorce so as to achieve their purposes of a free meal ticket. Men always lose in a divorce. Would encourage people to just cohabit instead. With the fact that each party can just walk out without much fear of consequences, I believe women and men will work harder on the relationship, as there is nothing to benefit from a split. Why should men have to support women who are gainfully employed and still have a boyfriend and got a flat by divorce? I have seen a good example in a government stat board. One of the reasons I won't support the PAP as they hire such people in public sector.
 

life_is

Active Member
There's a difference between alimony and child support through.

Child support is a different matter , I.guess if the mother is caring for the mans child its fair (though I'm.sure some guy will disagree here for various reasons e.g. The mother using the money for herself rather than the child) for the man to pay his share to support his own kid.

Alimony on the other hand makes no sense for most woman today .

What if the men actually wants to take care of the child and see more of the child instead? The current system won't allow it. They take away fathers rights and give them a double whammy called child maintenance. The simple logic is that if a father who is responsible enough to want to be in a child's life gets half the time with the child, there is no need for child maintenance to either party. Just do the sums on fixed costs and split. When the child is with a father they will have to be bathed, fed and taken care of, all of which costs money anyway. And the child benefits from equal time with both. Best of all, neither party has enough time and power to brainwash the child against the other parent, as it can be neutralised more easily. Unfortunately this means less money for the legal system as it will automatically be less fighting over rights. Split the rights down the middle so no one can complain. Let either party choose whether to waive their parental rights instead. By giving so much power to women, the system simply allows women to behave in atrocious ways. That is unacceptable as even with child abuse cases, there are no repercussions as it is simply written off as discipline. Can they see what happens behind closed doors? By taking the rights of one parent away, they allow more acrimony and conflict! It's all about making money after all. They won't care until it happens to them.

The truth is this - I cate enough about my child to give him good things. Unfortunately, whatever brain and physical training tools I get for him, he will not have any time to use. Can give a full list and cost of what I spent on him and how under utilised these things are. Simply because my rights were taken away, and I got punished for protecting my child to the extent that I don't trust any government body anymore. Even when he was abused I didn't know if I could ever trust the police to do the right thing ever again. There is no protection for children anymore. Until they are 14, whatever children say as domestic abuse will not be taken as evidence, as a lawyer once said. By then it would be too late as the damage would be irreversible. Best interests of children my foot!
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I will only respect women who don't ask for maintenance. These are the equals who believe in gender equality. Seen too many who want money and hdb flat and would do anything to get a divorce so as to achieve their purposes of a free meal ticket. Men always lose in a divorce. Would encourage people to just cohabit instead. With the fact that each party can just walk out without much fear of consequences, I believe women and men will work harder on the relationship, as there is nothing to benefit from a split. Why should men have to support women who are gainfully employed and still have a boyfriend and got a flat by divorce? I have seen a good example in a government stat board. One of the reasons I won't support the PAP as they hire such people in public sector.

Hi life_is,agree that women who are gainfully employed wouldn't be in need of the alimony.however, women whom are housewives and has never work or given up her career to care for the children and family welfare should be given alimony in the event of a divorce since she has spent all the effort at home at the expense of her own needs and career.that should be fair isn't it?
 

Staypositive

Active Member
What if the men actually wants to take care of the child and see more of the child instead? The current system won't allow it. They take away fathers rights and give them a double whammy called child maintenance. The simple logic is that if a father who is responsible enough to want to be in a child's life gets half the time with the child, there is no need for child maintenance to either party. Just do the sums on fixed costs and split. When the child is with a father they will have to be bathed, fed and taken care of, all of which costs money anyway. And the child benefits from equal time with both. Best of all, neither party has enough time and power to brainwash the child against the other parent, as it can be neutralised more easily. Unfortunately this means less money for the legal system as it will automatically be less fighting over rights. Split the rights down the middle so no one can complain. Let either party choose whether to waive their parental rights instead. By giving so much power to women, the system simply allows women to behave in atrocious ways. That is unacceptable as even with child abuse cases, there are no repercussions as it is simply written off as discipline. Can they see what happens behind closed doors? By taking the rights of one parent away, they allow more acrimony and conflict! It's all about making money after all. They won't care until it happens to them.

The truth is this - I cate enough about my child to give him good things. Unfortunately, whatever brain and physical training tools I get for him, he will not have any time to use. Can give a full list and cost of what I spent on him and how under utilised these things are. Simply because my rights were taken away, and I got punished for protecting my child to the extent that I don't trust any government body anymore. Even when he was abused I didn't know if I could ever trust the police to do the right thing ever again. There is no protection for children anymore. Until they are 14, whatever children say as domestic abuse will not be taken as evidence, as a lawyer once said. By then it would be too late as the damage would be irreversible. Best interests of children my foot!

If you genuinely want to spent more time with ur child,you can actually put in a request to do so,as long as u can prove to the judge that the increased in time spent with the child is for activities that are beneficial to the child.the law protects children too and takes into consideration their interests greatly.

You mentioned that you have a list of useful activities planned for your child.why not put in your request to the court for more time spent with ur child?that would be more constructive isn't it?by putting ur plan in action is more useful than complaining abt how unfair things are.complaining can't change anything.perhaps you have been dealt a heavy blow but that doesn't mean ur beaten infinitely.you still have a chance to seek changes.its only a matter of how badly you want to do it.
 

life_is

Active Member
If you genuinely want to spent more time with ur child,you can actually put in a request to do so,as long as u can prove to the judge that the increased in time spent with the child is for activities that are beneficial to the child.the law protects children too and takes into consideration their interests greatly.

You mentioned that you have a list of useful activities planned for your child.why not put in your request to the court for more time spent with ur child?that would be more constructive isn't it?by putting ur plan in action is more useful than complaining abt how unfair things are.complaining can't change anything.perhaps you have been dealt a heavy blow but that doesn't mean ur beaten infinitely.you still have a chance to seek changes.its only a matter of how badly you want to do it.

I'm complaining now because I gave them enough chances. There is no way to put things into action. Already maxed out with the time I spend with my child. It's a lot of costs and time involved and no economies of scale because of the little time I see my child. Much of it is wasted on feeding him because the other party is a vindictive woman and doesn't care about the child at all because she can file false reports and claims just to get her way. No punishment for perjury. And no accountability on the side of the authorities. They just close case regardless of what mistakes they made.

End of the day, I would strongly encourage taking the child away and holding them hostage from the other parent to force courts and authorities to give the child to you. Dragging out divorce will help as the other parent won't have any proof to support their parenting skills and you will have full rights. Whether kids get abused doesn't matter as the courts won't recognise their testimonies nor their desire to be with the other parent. Neither will police and msf care as they just want to close case and defend the abusers. As said by a lawyer, wait for other party to die. That's the only solution.
 

life_is

Active Member
Hi life_is,agree that women who are gainfully employed wouldn't be in need of the alimony.however, women whom are housewives and has never work or given up her career to care for the children and family welfare should be given alimony in the event of a divorce since she has spent all the effort at home at the expense of her own needs and career.that should be fair isn't it?

Doesn't apply for men who stay at home. Double standards. Probably applicable for housewives to some extent but probably only for genuine cases where they really sacrificed. For some others, they may have simply been too lazy to work and hired a domestic helper then claimed sacrifices that were never made. I don't encourage people to stop working unless they have no choice. Ex in laws are like that, didn't work in jobs and only knew how to stir trouble to break up marriages and sow discord.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Both parties have to take responsibilities for the breakdown of the marriage.since ur the one who chose to marry her,you are not absolve of blame urself.
 

life_is

Active Member
Both parties have to take responsibilities for the breakdown of the marriage.since ur the one who chose to marry her,you are not absolve of blame urself.

Maybe you should give a shot with the kind of person I met. It's impossible to deal with. I hope her whole family gets karma in the worst way possible. They won't stop making things difficult. Only way is for them to get critical illnesses so they can never harm another person again.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Maybe you should give a shot with the kind of person I met. It's impossible to deal with. I hope her whole family gets karma in the worst way possible. They won't stop making things difficult. Only way is for them to get critical illnesses so they can never harm another person again.


What ur doing now is just blaming them.you did not mention what happened that caused the divorce.the funny thing is,if she is so impossible to deal with,u can still marry her in the first place? Obviously she has her good points that encourage u guys to be together.it takes two hands to clap for something to happen.its very easy to point fingers and blame others but difficult to reflect on yourself.
 

newproject

Active Member
Maybe you should give a shot with the kind of person I met. It's impossible to deal with. I hope her whole family gets karma in the worst way possible. They won't stop making things difficult. Only way is for them to get critical illnesses so they can never harm another person again.

Bro i know exactly what you mean. You and me are experienced enough in life to have met people like that. No need defend yourself to others who haven't seen the world.

Still try to let go of your bitterness and hatred, that's just one more way they can hurt you.

They win as long as you continue like that.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Experienced in life?more like self absorbed and trying to act smart.spreading further negativity only..very easy to scold others but difficult to reflect on one self.there is already enough sad things in life already,dun need one to add fuel to fire.only make the situation more chaotic.no point.
 

newproject

Active Member
Experienced in life?more like self absorbed and trying to act smart.spreading further negativity only..very easy to scold others but difficult to reflect on one self

Pot. Meet kettle.

.there is already enough sad things in life already,dun need one to add fuel to fire.only make the situation more chaotic.no point.

I know your standard go to line to *every* relationship situation posted by guys is "it takes two hand to clap" and "its your own fault for marrying her"/ guy blaming technique.

Sometimes it's appropriate but for this case it's hilariously tone deaf.

Unlike some smart alexs who blindly commented using the same lines all the time without taking the time to read, I took the time to read life_is case story in past posts.

Even if you.didn't read his history it is blindingly obvious from his recent posts , his extreme (even for me) positions, the extreme amount of pain , anger and bitterness he is carrying due to his past .

You are not going to reach him by arguing with him and giving trite advice to "reflect on yourself ". He's not at that stage yet to remotely accept that.

But he's obviously hurting. So
show some empathy and sympathy will you?

Most of us guys have been there before. at the anger stage where a woman wronged us and we understand the feeling of despair, angry or bitterness.

I.don't know if you have ever been in a r/s before or that's why you lack empathy or if you are so beaten down that everything goes wrong you also blame on yourself.

But saying the obvious and blaming the guy for making a mistake in marrying the woman will only push the guy further away at this stage.

What he needs is understanding , empathy and sympathy. He needs to heal and recover by forgetting about her and only then when he has started to heal then maybe he is ready to reflect.

Try not to act like some tone deaf teacher lecturing cliches from a book can?
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Pot. Meet kettle.



Most of us guys have been there before. at the anger stage where a woman wronged us and we understand the feeling of despair, angry or bitterness.

What he needs is understanding , empathy and sympathy. He needs to heal and recover by forgetting about her and only then when he has started to heal then maybe he is ready to reflect.

Actually I think he has a point. Traditionally, woman stays home, look after kids. They have no choice but suffer in silence when hubby bully them. We understand in those days, whenever thing goes wrong, usually the guy's fault.
But these days, woman are over protected and they abuse their rights. As they are more educated, they are more open as well. Of cos not all gers are like tat, there are traditional ones.

When their values abt sex, rs and thinking becoming more globalise (westernise), There are women out there that actually do not feel anything and will not think they are in wrong even though it is obvious they have issues. As they are smarter these day, these ladies use words to blame on guys and victimise themselves. Actually they think it is their rights as woman for guys to give in everything for them.

I used to think that sex is impt thing, i will hold up my responsible as a man to take care of my girl if we intimate. Funny thing is, most of the girls i date, they have more sex partners i had. Some started even in secondary sch!!! dumbfound.. lol And when they flirt with other guys, or give up a rs cos passions die off.. I was very upset and disappointed in myself cos i cant take care of them. I mind fucked myself cos i tot i took advantage of them and didnt meet up their expectations.
I did went into depression. and u see.. end of the day, I realise is my issue cos i am living in my own world. haha
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Sure.all you guys ganging up to spread negativity.u can all go and live in ur own negative world.anyway all ur views are biased.

All this complaining and fault finding is useless.at the end of the day is back to status quo.

New project,I dread to think what will happen to ur wife(so u claimed to have) if things turn sour between u all.and I feel so sorry for her that she has married such a person like u.

Btw,Stop spreading negativity in the forum and giving biased opinions.how does it help situations? Nothing.it only add fuel to fire.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Aiya.. i not saying that all gers are like tat. but I can tell that Life_is been through alot to feel this way.

Let me retaliate that "some ladies" are like that, taking things forgranted and princess.

I am just like you, staypositive.. I stay very positive in my past rs, even now. Ask 10 ppl, 9 will ask me to leave my current gf as she only taking me for a ride. I choose to stay on, its my choice cos i till love her. End of the day, i know i sure kenna one big one. Either she walk off with someone or left me for no reason. I know i will be hurt.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Aiya.. i not saying that all gers are like tat. but I can tell that Life_is been through alot to feel this way.

Let me retaliate that "some ladies" are like that, taking things forgranted and princess.

I am just like you, staypositive.. I stay very positive in my past rs, even now. Ask 10 ppl, 9 will ask me to leave my current gf as she only taking me for a ride. I choose to stay on, its my choice cos i till love her. End of the day, i know i sure kenna one big one. Either she walk off with someone or left me for no reason. I know i will be hurt.

Hi,I'm not advocating staying in a relationship that leads to no where.im saying there is no need to be so negative and turned vengeful.what goes around comes around.
 

life_is

Active Member
What ur doing now is just blaming them.you did not mention what happened that caused the divorce.the funny thing is,if she is so impossible to deal with,u can still marry her in the first place? Obviously she has her good points that encourage u guys to be together.it takes two hands to clap for something to happen.its very easy to point fingers and blame others but difficult to reflect on yourself.

All I can say is they deserve an Oscars.

The moment the marriage cert was obtained, all hell broke loose and they went back on all their words. Imagine a marriage that lasted 5 years with wife constantly finding excuses to stay with mum and allow mother to separate husband from his entire extended family by sowing discord. That's what happened.

Here is my reflection:

I should have listened to my relatives and never married this woman. Everyone I know agrees on this. Her mother was out to ruin it for retirement plans. Imagine doing everything as promised everytime only to hear the other party roti prata and go back on all their promises. This did not just happen once, but every single time until I was forced to give up. Trying to talk sense did not help as her father pushed me really hard when I tried to and her brother called me desperate. Not to mention her mother refused to even let me see my child. Now I'm all set to help her brother's marriage by setting the same standards for him. He was complaining about his wife and saying how he regretted marrying her. Fact is his wife is way better than my ex because she actually stayed with the husband throughout the marriage.

Trust me, I reflected and regretted the marriage. Even promises of taking two jobs and hiring a maid to ensure all was well taken care of could not convince her to move 200m from her mother's place to respect the marriage and honour her word. And that was after I busted all my savings renovating the flat to her satisfaction only to hear her mother tell me it's normal to continue to live apart when we haven't even stayed together at all for more than 3 years at that time! Her mother should see how it's like for her son when it happens to him. And her father is a real piece of work refusing to work and then ruining the marriage for his retirement plan via divorce. Got hands and legs still want to get a free meal ticket. Totally despise such people.
 

life_is

Active Member
Sure.all you guys ganging up to spread negativity.u can all go and live in ur own negative world.anyway all ur views are biased.

All this complaining and fault finding is useless.at the end of the day is back to status quo.

New project,I dread to think what will happen to ur wife(so u claimed to have) if things turn sour between u all.and I feel so sorry for her that she has married such a person like u.

Btw,Stop spreading negativity in the forum and giving biased opinions.how does it help situations? Nothing.it only add fuel to fire.

Without going through a divorce, I would never have any way of proving it is biased and marriage is lopsided. I have proof, substantial enough to convince any man not to get married. Male friends who heard my story shudder in fear because it could actually happen to them. We should educate the public about this so men know what they sign up for.

People involved are in government jobs. Which is why I don't trust the current government and don't trust the PAP to do the right thing either. Now my role is not to spread negativity but facts about how men can be exploited so they know what to do to defend themselves. Kindly use my story to refuse to get married. Prenuptial don't work here so there is no workaround. Women can pretty much gain and do anything they want once the marriage cert is obtained. Don't fall for it.
 

meiji5

Member
Without going through a divorce, I would never have any way of proving it is biased and marriage is lopsided. I have proof, substantial enough to convince any man not to get married. Male friends who heard my story shudder in fear because it could actually happen to them. We should educate the public about this so men know what they sign up for.

People involved are in government jobs. Which is why I don't trust the current government and don't trust the PAP to do the right thing either. Now my role is not to spread negativity but facts about how men can be exploited so they know what to do to defend themselves. Kindly use my story to refuse to get married. Prenuptial don't work here so there is no workaround. Women can pretty much gain and do anything they want once the marriage cert is obtained. Don't fall for it.

Using your case as an example to tell men to not get married isn't exactly a good way either.

I do empathise with you that what they did to you is terrible, but don't try to sway people to not get married. Everyone has a choice and they should make their own decisions.

Being proactive to get the women's charter more updated and realistic is a good start, but not through means of swaying or near brainwashing others to not take the plunge. Even if you did this, it still doesn't contribute to getting the charter updated.

The system here is that Singapore is still a conservative country and what they have in place is rigid as compared to other countries. It can only slowly develop because no matter how much people want changes, a lot more other people are still conservative. It's a tough balance.
 

newproject

Active Member
Actually I think he has a point. Traditionally, woman stays home, look after kids. They have no choice but suffer in silence when hubby bully them. We understand in those days, whenever thing goes wrong, usually the guy's

I don't disagree with him or you. I'm more concerned in the way he expresses it.

A certain poster keeps yelling about staying positive , while he hilariously thinks "positive" equal blaming oneself for everything and giving up with status quo (or takes disagreeing with him to be negative) i do agree too much negativity is not productive.

I used to think that sex is impt thing, i will hold up my responsible as a man to take care of my girl if we intimate. Funny thing is, most of the girls i date, they have more sex partners i had. Some started even in secondary sch!!! dumbfound.. lol

That's your type mah. You always find nice girls "not your type" you like girls like that and then you surprised complain they not faithful lol.

Here a certain poster's words come to mind .. Takes two hands to.clap. You like that type of girls and choose them so don't just blame them,take responsibility and reflect

Other people I don't blame so much unlike you since ALL your gfs exactly same.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Pot. Meet kettle.



I know your standard go to line to *every* relationship situation posted by guys is "it takes two hand to clap" and "its your own fault for marrying her"/ guy blaming technique.

Sometimes it's appropriate but for this case it's hilariously tone deaf.

Unlike some smart alexs who blindly commented using the same lines all the time without taking the time to read, I took the time to read life_is case story in past posts.

Even if you.didn't read his history it is blindingly obvious from his recent posts , his extreme (even for me) positions, the extreme amount of pain , anger and bitterness he is carrying due to his past .

You are not going to reach him by arguing with him and giving trite advice to "reflect on yourself ". He's not at that stage yet to remotely accept that.

But he's obviously hurting. So
show some empathy and sympathy will you?

Most of us guys have been there before. at the anger stage where a woman wronged us and we understand the feeling of despair, angry or bitterness.

I.don't know if you have ever been in a r/s before or that's why you lack empathy or if you are so beaten down that everything goes wrong you also blame on yourself.

But saying the obvious and blaming the guy for making a mistake in marrying the woman will only push the guy further away at this stage.

What he needs is understanding , empathy and sympathy. He needs to heal and recover by forgetting about her and only then when he has started to heal then maybe he is ready to reflect.

Try not to act like some tone deaf teacher lecturing cliches from a book can?


Hmm..I did not say I dun empathize or sympathize with him.he just need to "wake up his idea".no amount of lamentation and blaming can help matters.only he helping himself up can.

And I did not blame him for choosing his wife.what i meant was to take responsibility for your choice.and new project dun jump to conclusion.u need to get ur facts rifh
Pot. Meet kettle.



I know your standard go to line to *every* relationship situation posted by guys is "it takes two hand to clap" and "its your own fault for marrying her"/ guy blaming technique.

Sometimes it's appropriate but for this case it's hilariously tone deaf.

Unlike some smart alexs who blindly commented using the same lines all the time without taking the time to read, I took the time to read life_is case story in past posts.

Even if you.didn't read his history it is blindingly obvious from his recent posts , his extreme (even for me) positions, the extreme amount of pain , anger and bitterness he is carrying due to his past .

You are not going to reach him by arguing with him and giving trite advice to "reflect on yourself ". He's not at that stage yet to remotely accept that.

But he's obviously hurting. So
show some empathy and sympathy will you?

Most of us guys have been there before. at the anger stage where a woman wronged us and we understand the feeling of despair, angry or bitterness.

I.don't know if you have ever been in a r/s before or that's why you lack empathy or if you are so beaten down that everything goes wrong you also blame on yourself.

But saying the obvious and blaming the guy for making a mistake in marrying the woman will only push the guy further away at this stage.

What he needs is understanding , empathy and sympathy. He needs to heal and recover by forgetting about her and only then when he has started to heal then maybe he is ready to reflect.

Try not to act like some tone deaf teacher lecturing cliches from a book can?

FYI I'm not saying I dun empathize/sympathize with him.just that he needs to "wake up his idea" so that he can realize his senses.extreme negativity and vengefulness will not help him.And,what he needs is not sympathy or empathy but the courage to rise up to the challenges facing him.actions speaks louder than words.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I don't disagree with him or you. I'm more concerned in the way he expresses it.

A certain poster keeps yelling about staying positive , while he hilariously thinks "positive" equal blaming oneself for everything and giving up with status quo (or takes disagreeing with him to be negative) i do agree too much negativity is not productive.



That's your type mah. You always find nice girls "not your type" you like girls like that and then you surprised complain they not faithful lol.

Here a certain poster's words come to mind .. Takes two hands to.clap. You like that type of girls and choose them so don't just blame them,take responsibility and reflect

Other people I don't blame so much unlike you since ALL your gfs exactly same.

Haha..blaming oneself and giving up with status quo?did I even say that?so much for the comprehension skills of a certain someone.lol.

What I'm saying is that in a breakdown of a relationship both parties has a part to play.its Never all one party 's fault.
 

newproject

Active Member
Sure.all you guys ganging up to spread negativity.u can all go and live in ur own negative world.anyway all ur views are biased.

Yeah you "staypositive" are the only one in the whole world who is not biased compared to us all lol.

Are you even reading what you write?

We the "biased" bow to your infinite wisdom, oh perfect one.

All this complaining and fault finding is useless.at the end of the day is back to status quo.

I agree that's why I wonder why you keep saying the guy should reflect that he at fault too cos he marry her etc. Isn't that just more fault finding only for the guy?

Better I think is to just move on past the pain and hate don't talk about whose fault. Your method of asking the guy to take fault (it takes two hands to.clap blah blah) which inevitably leads to an argument does the exact opposite of makes it into a fault finding fight.

New project,I dread to think what will happen to ur wife(so u claimed to have) if things turn sour between u all.and I feel so sorry for her that she has married such a person like u.

This does not even signify a response except to say you are a hypocrite that lectures people on negativity and you turn around and say such vile things wishing ill on people you don't know and predicting the worse.

All I can say is unlike you I've been there.

Like sadguy, infernolord, life_is, meiji etc I've suffered almost unbearable heart break betrayed by girls (some of you know my story). I admit it hardened my heart I became bitter and cynical until I was kinda like life_is now. So yes I understand and feel for him though I don't agree 100%.

My wife changed this, meeting her was the most perfect and best event ever in my life. She almost literally saved my life.

I know life_is thinks I'm stupid for marrying her, because yes maybe in the future she will change.

You think I didn't think of that? I'm no longer some innocent kid on his first love or the ever optimist infernolord who clings on even when.its obvious it won't last.

Despite my traumatic past I *choose* to take the risk because she's worth it. She's earned my love many many times over . I pray most of you who were hurt in life find the happiness I have..


Btw,Stop spreading negativity in the forum and giving biased opinions.how does it help situations? Nothing.it only add fuel to fire.

Hello! Disagreeing with you does not equal.spread negativity . You really have a funny definition of spread negativity.

Honestly i think you really have no clue what you are saying and have no experience at all.

You just lecture guys on and on no matter the situation, never once I see you show sympathy or empathy like many regular posters who talk about how this reminds them of their past or share petsonal feelings.

You just want to act like you know everything and you act all offended when people not just me disagree with you.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Without going through a divorce, I would never have any way of proving it is biased and marriage is lopsided. I have proof, substantial enough to convince any man not to get married. Male friends who heard my story shudder in fear because it could actually happen to them. We should educate the public about this so men know what they sign up for.

People involved are in government jobs. Which is why I don't trust the current government and don't trust the PAP to do the right thing either. Now my role is not to spread negativity but facts about how men can be exploited so they know what to do to defend themselves. Kindly use my story to refuse to get married. Prenuptial don't work here so there is no workaround. Women can pretty much gain and do anything they want once the marriage cert is obtained. Don't fall for it.

Well,guys who think marriage is a scam by ladies should join the monastery instead.that way they can won't feel hurt,heart pain coz need to pay alimony or most imptly faced the risk of a failed marriage.good plan?lol.


Life_is,ur story is not enough to make ppl not get married.not everyone thinks like u do.seriously u need to brace up,if not for yourself,but for ur child,whom u said are being abused by ur ex- wife.more time and effort should be spent protecting ur child instead of ranting.thats what you can do as a father.ur not as powerless as you think.
 

newproject

Active Member
Haha..blaming oneself and giving up with status quo?did I even say that?so much for the comprehension skills of a certain someone.lol.

What I'm saying is that in a breakdown of a relationship both parties has a part to play.its Never all one party 's fault.

There you go again using the word "fault". You keep using it.

Its like you don't even see what you write.

Your approach always leads to this.

Angrysadguy : rants about ex

Staypositive: with zero empathy and sympathy gives a lecture on take two hands to clap and its your fault too (notice use of words)

Angrysadguy : <defensively argues with staypositive how his ex is evil>

Staypositive : <despite knowing nothing abt girl or siruatyib> continues to.give a lecture on how by definition he chose to marry her so the guy is at fault for sure

Argument continues.

How you expect the guy to move on?? All you accomplish is making it even harder to move on.

These guys not in the state of mind to listen to lectures about its at least 1% your fault or lectures on responsibility. They need empathy (eg I.know how you feel) and support not tone deaf lectures.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Yeah you "staypositive" are the only one in the whole world who is not biased compared to us all lol.

Are you even reading what you write?

We the "biased" bow to your infinite wisdom, oh perfect one.



I agree that's why I wonder why you keep saying the guy should reflect that he at fault too cos he marry her etc. Isn't that just more fault finding only for the guy?

Better I think is to just move on past the pain and hate don't talk about whose fault. Your method of asking the guy to take fault (it takes two hands to.clap blah blah) which inevitably leads to an argument does the exact opposite of makes it into a fault finding fight.



This does not even signify a response except to say you are a hypocrite that lectures people on negativity and you turn around and say such vile things wishing ill on people you don't know and predicting the worse.

All I can say is unlike you I've been there.

Like sadguy, infernolord, life_is, meiji etc I've suffered almost unbearable heart break betrayed by girls (some of you know my story). I admit it hardened my heart I became bitter and cynical until I was kinda like life_is now. So yes I understand and feel for him though I don't agree 100%.

My wife changed this, meeting her was the most perfect and best event ever in my life. She almost literally saved my life.

I know life_is thinks I'm stupid for marrying her, because yes maybe in the future she will change.

You think I didn't think of that? I'm no longer some innocent kid on his first love or the ever optimist infernolord who clings on even when.its obvious it won't last.

Despite my traumatic past I *choose* to take the risk because she's worth it. She's earned my love many many times over . I pray most of you who were hurt in life find the happiness I have..




Hello! Disagreeing with you does not equal.spread negativity . You really have a funny definition of spread negativity.

Honestly i think you really have no clue what you are saying and have no experience at all.

You just lecture guys on and on no matter the situation, never once I see you show sympathy or empathy like many regular posters who talk about how this reminds them of their past or share petsonal feelings.

You just want to act like you know everything and you act all offended when people not just me disagree with you.


Life_is kept saying is all his ex-wife fault.sounds rather incredulous.im sure his wife have her side of the story.

Btw,I'm not a know all and I dun force others to agree with me,nor I accused ppl through generalization.im just an ordinary guy giving my two cents worth of opinion.its only when someone rudely rebutted me or accused me that embroiled me in an argument with the other party.

I dun act like the gallant gentleman in front of others but act sneakily behind.i speak my mind.and I didn't lecture life_is.i just want him to reflect on what really happened to his marriage and not to brainwash others with his negative ideas.
 

newproject

Active Member
Hmm..I did not say I dun empathize or sympathize with him.

That's your problem . You did not say you don't empathize but neither did you SAY you did.

I notice you are always eager to get your "lesson" in and miss that. You want to give advice that is listened to you should first work on that.

Its easier of course for those of us who actually experienced similar before to feel empathy. But you should try. Look at how meiji does it.

he just need to "wake up his idea".no amount of lamentation and blaming can help matters.only he helping himself up can.

Again I question the timing.

FYI I'm not saying I dun empathize/sympathize with him.just that he needs to "wake up his idea" so that he can realize his senses.extreme negativity and vengefulness will not help him.And,what he needs is not sympathy or empathy but the courage to rise up to the challenges facing him.actions speaks louder than words.

Honestly if he didn't even believe you understand him or trust you why would he listen to you?

You really have much to learn on the art of persuading influencing people.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
There you go again using the word "fault". You keep using it.

Its like you don't even see what you write.

Your approach always leads to this.

Angrysadguy : rants about ex

Staypositive: with zero empathy and sympathy gives a lecture on take two hands to clap and its your fault too (notice use of words)

Angrysadguy : <defensively argues with staypositive how his ex is evil>

Staypositive : <despite knowing nothing abt girl or siruatyib> continues to.give a lecture on how by definition he chose to marry her so the guy is at fault for sure

Argument continues.

How you expect the guy to move on?? All you accomplish is making it even harder to move on.

These guys not in the state of mind to listen to lectures about its at least 1% your fault or lectures on responsibility. They need empathy (eg I.know how you feel) and support not tone deaf lectures.

Hahaha..you are getting all confused.or maybe even senile.im saying life_is Has a Contribution to what has happened in his marriage.not everything his fault.haiz..ur jumping to conclusions again.

Life_is needs to face reality and brace up.wallowing in self pity won't help him.im sure he already got lots of sympathy and empathy.scolding and spreading negative ideas, does it all help him?it only reinforces his negativity if all this continues.when life gets tough,it's the tough that gets it going.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
That's your problem . You did not say you don't empathize but neither did you SAY you did.

I notice you are always eager to get your "lesson" in and miss that. You want to give advice that is listened to you should first work on that.

Its easier of course for those of us who actually experienced similar before to feel empathy. But you should try. Look at how meiji does it.



Again I question the timing.



Honestly if he didn't even believe you understand him or trust you why would he listen to you?

You really have much to learn on the art of persuading influencing people.

Haha,so uncle newproject,how would you close the matter?shall I call you uncle?u sounded old.

Btw,I dun need to persuade nor influence ppl.as I said before it only my opinion,they can choose whether to heed it or not.ppl have brains to think and process for themselves. ;)
 

newproject

Active Member
Life_is kept saying is all his ex-wife fault.sounds rather incredulous.im sure his wife have her side of the story.

Sigh Yeah you say you not fault finding yet here you are worried one side getting all the blame....

I know you think yourself of protector of woman or something but in such matters who.cares ? It's just a rant the woman doesn't need you charge in to protect her.

I know you have never been in a r/s but in some cases really is nearly 100% one partys fault. The other persons "fault" is being too trusting.

You don't know if this is the case and keep harping on the point cannot be 100% one side. Yeah maybe it 99.9% so what??

That's why I always think your "advice" lacks sympathy or empathy , the main.purpose is charge in to protect the woman.who.doesn't even need it !


Btw,I'm not a know all and I dun force others to agree with me,nor I accused ppl through generalization.im just an ordinary guy giving my two cents worth of opinion.its only when someone rudely rebutted me or accused me that embroiled me in an argument with the other party.

Honestly i turned the other cheek many times to let you have the last word but the more you post the more its obvious you really have no clue due to lack of experience.


I dun act like the gallant gentleman in front of others but act sneakily behind.i speak my mind.and I didn't lecture life_is.i just want him to reflect on what really happened to his marriage and not to brainwash others with his negative ideas.

Yeah you doing a great job here lol.

I'm sure he will listen to.someone who.doesn't even show he understand him.

You really should change your name..its a joke.
 

newproject

Active Member
Well,guys who think marriage is a scam by ladies should join the monastery instead.that way they can won't feel hurt,heart pain coz need to pay alimony or most imptly faced the risk of a failed marriage.good plan?lol.

Riduling the guy , more positivity from the master "staypostive". Or is this your attempt to show empathy ?

Life_is,ur story is not enough to make ppl not get married.not everyone thinks like u do.seriously u need to brace up,if not for yourself,but for ur child,whom u said are being abused by ur ex- wife.more time and effort should be spent protecting ur child instead of ranting.thats what you can do as a father.ur not as powerless as you think.

More rarah lectures. Sadly it doesn't ring true because everyone know you have no experience just talking crap.
 

newproject

Active Member
Haha,so uncle newproject,how would you close the matter?shall I call you uncle?u sounded old.

Btw,I dun need to persuade nor influence ppl.as I said before it only my opinion,they can choose whether to heed it or not.ppl have brains to think and process for themselves. ;)

Think we can stop here since you basically just name calling and no real response using silly emoticons to avoid saying anything.

But we both know what happened here... You got schooled my boy..
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Thanks for the lecture uncle newproject.i have no experience?im in a relationship btw.from the way the conversation goes,ur just using life_is situation to attack me that's all. It's very obvious.anyway the thread is not abt u but u 'butted' in.i dun think ur really sympathizing or empathizing with him.right?and uncle newproject,u don't sound like the sympathizing and empathizing type.it could be rather passé to u.remember passé ? U mentioned this word before.did u not?lol.what a childish uncle.rofl.

Protector of women?i dare not claim to be.just being objective.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Think we can stop here since you basically just name calling and no real response using silly emoticons to avoid saying anything.

But we both know what happened here... You got schooled my boy..

School?graduated long time ago.i find u rather comical.lol.btw, the school In this context dun have to be in the past tense form.
 

newproject

Active Member
Thanks for the lecture uncle newproject.i have no experience?im in a relationship btw.

Good luck.


from the way the conversation goes,ur just using life_is situation to attack me that's all.

You can tell yourself that if it makes you feel better. Truth is life_is case is so obvious and glaring to show what you are doing all the time, so now even you can't deny lol.

It's very obvious.anyway the thread is not abt u but u 'butted' in.i dun think ur really sympathizing or empathizing with him.right?

Its you who is butting in... Er check my post history. I don't say I empathize with you but I do.say I understand how you feel.etc.

ol.what a childish uncle.rofl.

More insults .. From the hypocrite staypositive lol
 

life_is

Active Member
Well,guys who think marriage is a scam by ladies should join the monastery instead.that way they can won't feel hurt,heart pain coz need to pay alimony or most imptly faced the risk of a failed marriage.good plan?lol.


Life_is,ur story is not enough to make ppl not get married.not everyone thinks like u do.seriously u need to brace up,if not for yourself,but for ur child,whom u said are being abused by ur ex- wife.more time and effort should be spent protecting ur child instead of ranting.thats what you can do as a father.ur not as powerless as you think.

I'm here now because the police and msf only believe her lies. I paid a lot of money defending myself in court because she filed a false claim to prevent the police from investigating the abuse case. Apparently that is a common tactic and the courts don't punish women for perjury. These are the facts. I can't protect my child because no matter what I do, I get punished. Tried with police report when he was traumatised and paid dearly for it. No one would believe the child. Found him with bruises and didn't report police because I have zero trust in the system now.

This is what can happen to any man should a woman resort to "common tactics". These are the facts to consider before getting married. There is nothing wrong with cohabiting if there is love. A marriage cert will make men pay dearly for a woman's mistakes, but cohabiting won't. So I'm just stating facts and providing advice for fellow men out there. Take it or leave it, up to you. Just know that once you sign, your life is in the hands of the other half, for better or for worse. I don't believe in putting my life in the hands of a lopsided contract, and neither should any rational being.
 

life_is

Active Member
Using your case as an example to tell men to not get married isn't exactly a good way either.

I do empathise with you that what they did to you is terrible, but don't try to sway people to not get married. Everyone has a choice and they should make their own decisions.

Being proactive to get the women's charter more updated and realistic is a good start, but not through means of swaying or near brainwashing others to not take the plunge. Even if you did this, it still doesn't contribute to getting the charter updated.

The system here is that Singapore is still a conservative country and what they have in place is rigid as compared to other countries. It can only slowly develop because no matter how much people want changes, a lot more other people are still conservative. It's a tough balance.

Guess what the lawyer said when I asked?

"The system won't change for another 100 years".

This is coming from an expert who has dealt with enough cases to make a point. I would trust that. Take it or leave it. I'm only providing advice for people to protect themselves first. Would still advocate cohabiting without a marriage cert. People in America do it and are happier because they don't have to fight in court for years and go broke. That actually led to the legal system giving more rights to men because people would not get married anymore. A marriage cert here is only good for hdb flats, nothing more. No couple ever needed a marriage cert to stay together for life, so why should they now? As long as people don't cheat or go back on their words, and are decent people, what is the point of a marriage cert other than being recognised by a lopsided legal system? And when people change, they leave, at least both parties don't donate to lawyers for them to watch a catfight. Rational people don't drag each other to court to fight time and again. Yet I see people do it for money all the time.

Just making very rational valid points that don't support the marriage system here. Until they change for the better, people need to dig deep for loopholes so they won't be exploited.

Another rational step to take is to honour prenuptial agreements over any "common" divorce settlements. Couples can sign and agree how to break up if things don't work, while knowing what rights they have afterwards. They can draft up custody arrangements and other plans before taking the plunge. Cheaper, faster and better divorce than one where people slug it out in court. If the government is serious about reducing acrimony, this is one way to go, as there would be minimal disagreements in divorce if a prenuptial agreement is drafted in a comprehensive manner. The courts can stop the fighting simply by showing such a legal contract as legal binding.

To be fair, another self defense tactic is to collect marriage cert in China too. I heard the men there got way more rights and women are bullied there. Kind of balances the forces at work. Though not sure how a divorce would work in this case as it may be fighting in two countries. Or simply don't get that cert.

I'm the type who can stick around for life. Unfortunately, once bitten twice shy. Seen the worst kind of people and have a completely different mindset as to what is a proper union. Men and women are equals and neither party should be given more rights over the other. Unfortunate that many lawyers would agree with me about how little rights men have once they sign. Don't wait for miracle. Be practical.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Sigh Yeah you say you not fault finding yet here you are worried one side getting all the blame....

I know you think yourself of protector of woman or something but in such matters who.cares ? It's just a rant the woman doesn't need you charge in to protect her.

I know you have never been in a r/s but in some cases really is nearly 100% one partys fault. The other persons "fault" is being too trusting.

You don't know if this is the case and keep harping on the point cannot be 100% one side. Yeah maybe it 99.9% so what??

That's why I always think your "advice" lacks sympathy or empathy , the main.purpose is charge in to protect the woman.who.doesn't even need it !




Honestly i turned the other cheek many times to let you have the last word but the more you post the more its obvious you really have no clue due to lack of experience.




Yeah you doing a great job here lol.

I'm sure he will listen to.someone who.doesn't even show he understand him.

You really should change your name..its a joke.[/QUOTE

There is no need for you to tell me whether my opinion is crap or not.telling others to brace up ,not to wallow in self pity,to take charge of their lives,not to spread negativity becos of vengeful emotions are crap advice??others can tell whether this advice are sensible or not.you called me a hypocrite?in what sense? protecting women? who is the real hypocrite here?

You allowed me to have the last word?since when?all u do is to pass mean remarks abt me.its like raining bombs...Turned ur cheek?are you sure? If so,why?loss of words? Dun think you know how to resolve problems.probably chose to escape.

Not trying to make an enemy out of you,but seriously u need to adjust your mentality and the tone u used.and dun jump to conclusions or make false assumptions..it irritates ppl.

If you said you are full of sympathy and empathy for life_is,I seriously dun believe u.a guy full of ego and arrogance like u would show sympathy and empathy towards others?!must be some kind of joke.if it's infernolord who said it,i would most probably believe him.at least he exercised more sympathy and kindness towards others.

Btw,infernolord was supporting ur point and yet you shot him down by saying he is a failure in relationship becos he always look for the same type of girls.just putting in a word of fairness,there is no need to dealt him a blow like that.from the way he projected,it seems he already realized his mistakes.

And infernolord: Holding on to a relationship which hurts u does not mean ur positive.u got the concept wrong.and dun blindly give in to women.they will lose their respect for u eventually and deemed u as a pushover.of course, u must understand the girl first before you know when it's appropriate to give in.

You must be thinking that I'm siding women.look at the threads.mostly are men complaining.if it's a woman who complained I most likely ask her to reflect abt her situation too.

And what's wrong with asking guys who had issues with women,to join the monastery?they can't form a union anyway since they are adamant that women are out to hurt them.Nothing can change their fixated mindset.In a monastery,they can find peace within their chaotic minds.also they won't be out creating havoc and in term hurt other innocent ppl.

Anyway this forum is already full of ppl with sad stories,just dun wish to see it dip further into negativity.More constructive support and encouragement should be given.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Guess what the lawyer said when I asked?

"The system won't change for another 100 years".

This is coming from an expert who has dealt with enough cases to make a point. I would trust that. Take it or leave it. I'm only providing advice for people to protect themselves first. Would still advocate cohabiting without a marriage cert. People in America do it and are happier because they don't have to fight in court for years and go broke. That actually led to the legal system giving more rights to men because people would not get married anymore. A marriage cert here is only good for hdb flats, nothing more. No couple ever needed a marriage cert to stay together for life, so why should they now? As long as people don't cheat or go back on their words, and are decent people, what is the point of a marriage cert other than being recognised by a lopsided legal system? And when people change, they leave, at least both parties don't donate to lawyers for them to watch a catfight. Rational people don't drag each other to court to fight time and again. Yet I see people do it for money all the time.

Just making very rational valid points that don't support the marriage system here. Until they change for the better, people need to dig deep for loopholes so they won't be exploited.

Another rational step to take is to honour prenuptial agreements over any "common" divorce settlements. Couples can sign and agree how to break up if things don't work, while knowing what rights they have afterwards. They can draft up custody arrangements and other plans before taking the plunge. Cheaper, faster and better divorce than one where people slug it out in court. If the government is serious about reducing acrimony, this is one way to go, as there would be minimal disagreements in divorce if a prenuptial agreement is drafted in a comprehensive manner. The courts can stop the fighting simply by showing such a legal contract as legal binding.

To be fair, another self defense tactic is to collect marriage cert in China too. I heard the men there got way more rights and women are bullied there. Kind of balances the forces at work. Though not sure how a divorce would work in this case as it may be fighting in two countries. Or simply don't get that cert.

I'm the type who can stick around for life. Unfortunately, once bitten twice shy. Seen the worst kind of people and have a completely different mindset as to what is a proper union. Men and women are equals and neither party should be given more rights over
Yeah you "staypositive" are the only one in the whole world who is not biased compared to us all lol.

Are you even reading what you write?

We the "biased" bow to your infinite wisdom, oh perfect one.



I agree that's why I wonder why you keep saying the guy should reflect that he at fault too cos he marry her etc. Isn't that just more fault finding only for the guy?

Better I think is to just move on past the pain and hate don't talk about whose fault. Your method of asking the guy to take fault (it takes two hands to.clap blah blah) which inevitably leads to an argument does the exact opposite of makes it into a fault finding fight.



This does not even signify a response except to say you are a hypocrite that lectures people on negativity and you turn around and say such vile things wishing ill on people you don't know and predicting the worse.

All I can say is unlike you I've been there.

Like sadguy, infernolord, life_is, meiji etc I've suffered almost unbearable heart break betrayed by girls (some of you know my story). I admit it hardened my heart I became bitter and cynical until I was kinda like life_is now. So yes I understand and feel for him though I don't agree 100%.

My wife changed this, meeting her was the most perfect and best event ever in my life. She almost literally saved my life.

I know life_is thinks I'm stupid for marrying her, because yes maybe in the future she will change.

You think I didn't think of that? I'm no longer some innocent kid on his first love or the ever optimist infernolord who clings on even when.its obvious it won't last.

Despite my traumatic past I *choose* to take the risk because she's worth it. She's earned my love many many times over . I pray most of you who were hurt in life find the happiness I have..




Hello! Disagreeing with you does not equal.spread negativity . You really have a funny definition of spread negativity.

Honestly i think you really have no clue what you are saying and have no experience at all.

You just lecture guys on and on no matter the situation, never once I see you show sympathy or empathy like many regular posters who talk about how this reminds them of their past or share petsonal feelings.

You just want to act like you know everything and you act all offended when people not just me disagree with you.
Yeah you "staypositive" are the only one in the whole world who is not biased compared to us all lol.

Are you even reading what you write?

We the "biased" bow to your infinite wisdom, oh perfect one.



I agree that's why I wonder why you keep saying the guy should reflect that he at fault too cos he marry her etc. Isn't that just more fault finding only for the guy?

Better I think is to just move on past the pain and hate don't talk about whose fault. Your method of asking the guy to take fault (it takes two hands to.clap blah blah) which inevitably leads to an argument does the exact opposite of makes it into a fault finding fight.



This does not even signify a response except to say you are a hypocrite that lectures people on negativity and you turn around and say such vile things wishing ill on people you don't know and predicting the worse.

All I can say is unlike you I've been there.

Like sadguy, infernolord, life_is, meiji etc I've suffered almost unbearable heart break betrayed by girls (some of you know my story). I admit it hardened my heart I became bitter and cynical until I was kinda like life_is now. So yes I understand and feel for him though I don't agree 100%.

My wife changed this, meeting her was the most perfect and best event ever in my life. She almost literally saved my life.

I know life_is thinks I'm stupid for marrying her, because yes maybe in the future she will change.

You think I didn't think of that? I'm no longer some innocent kid on his first love or the ever optimist infernolord who clings on even when.its obvious it won't last.

Despite my traumatic past I *choose* to take the risk because she's worth it. She's earned my love many many times over . I pray most of you who were hurt in life find the happiness I have..




Hello! Disagreeing with you does not equal.spread negativity . You really have a funny definition of spread negativity.

Honestly i think you really have no clue what you are saying and have no experience at all.

You just lecture guys on and on no matter the situation, never once I see you show sympathy or empathy like many regular posters who talk about how this reminds them of their past or share petsonal feelings.

You just want to act like you know everything and you act all offended when people not just me disagree with you.

I never show sympathy and empathy?how blind u are?!must share personal feelings or share similarities abt how other situations relates to their own then considered showing sympathy?like that also find fault with.and how rigid can u get?

Firstly,you need to get ur facts right.ur own situation or experience does not mean it's a true reflection of other situations.i dun like to jump to conclusions.or make pretentious assumptions.that might lead to wrong advice.

I act like I know everything??hahaha..that is the funniest joke I have ever heard.who is the Real so called "know all" here?

And,I din wish ill on ur wife( you claimed to have).just feeling sad for her that she has married a character like u.you still like to anyhow shoot ur mouth without thinking!

Been hurt before means you are capable of giving sound advice?unless ur able to be neutral and give constructive advice,ur so called advice are biased.packed with experience that may not be suitable for other situation.
 

meiji5

Member
Guess what the lawyer said when I asked?

"The system won't change for another 100 years".

This is coming from an expert who has dealt with enough cases to make a point. I would trust that. Take it or leave it. I'm only providing advice for people to protect themselves first. Would still advocate cohabiting without a marriage cert. People in America do it and are happier because they don't have to fight in court for years and go broke. That actually led to the legal system giving more rights to men because people would not get married anymore. A marriage cert here is only good for hdb flats, nothing more. No couple ever needed a marriage cert to stay together for life, so why should they now? As long as people don't cheat or go back on their words, and are decent people, what is the point of a marriage cert other than being recognised by a lopsided legal system? And when people change, they leave, at least both parties don't donate to lawyers for them to watch a catfight. Rational people don't drag each other to court to fight time and again. Yet I see people do it for money all the time.

Just making very rational valid points that don't support the marriage system here. Until they change for the better, people need to dig deep for loopholes so they won't be exploited.

Another rational step to take is to honour prenuptial agreements over any "common" divorce settlements. Couples can sign and agree how to break up if things don't work, while knowing what rights they have afterwards. They can draft up custody arrangements and other plans before taking the plunge. Cheaper, faster and better divorce than one where people slug it out in court. If the government is serious about reducing acrimony, this is one way to go, as there would be minimal disagreements in divorce if a prenuptial agreement is drafted in a comprehensive manner. The courts can stop the fighting simply by showing such a legal contract as legal binding.

To be fair, another self defense tactic is to collect marriage cert in China too. I heard the men there got way more rights and women are bullied there. Kind of balances the forces at work. Though not sure how a divorce would work in this case as it may be fighting in two countries. Or simply don't get that cert.

I'm the type who can stick around for life. Unfortunately, once bitten twice shy. Seen the worst kind of people and have a completely different mindset as to what is a proper union. Men and women are equals and neither party should be given more rights over the other. Unfortunate that many lawyers would agree with me about how little rights men have once they sign. Don't wait for miracle. Be practical.

Thank you for sharing all this with us, it definitely allows us to understand more about what you have been through.

I have noticed a bit of a shift in your reply, it's not as aggressive as before where it seemed you were just furiously speaking out your thoughts.

I do like your idea of cohabiting but in SG this won't work as the govt is only focusing on a family nucleus and everything outside this norm is not acceptable. Once again, we live in a conservative society. No doubt things have changed over time but to abolish a charter immediately may not be easier said than done. There are repercussions that need to be considered especially for a small country like ours.

I am already happy that they are providing benefits to unwed mothers, it is slow but the govt are finally realising that such situations are happening and numbers are rising. Hopefully, they can recognise single parents instead of gender based. Every child born is a Singaporean and no matter what family status he/she is born into should have equal rights to benefits as those who are born into a normal family nucleus.

As time goes, let's just hope that things will get better for our future generation. As I'm from the education line, the kids nowadays are a lot different from our time. One little obstacle they face would mean giving up, no point trying.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
And the word 'schooled' is not suitable to be used in this context.how many times I must repeat myself?i know there is such a word but it does not fit in.
 

life_is

Active Member
Thank you for sharing all this with us, it definitely allows us to understand more about what you have been through.

I have noticed a bit of a shift in your reply, it's not as aggressive as before where it seemed you were just furiously speaking out your thoughts.

I do like your idea of cohabiting but in SG this won't work as the govt is only focusing on a family nucleus and everything outside this norm is not acceptable. Once again, we live in a conservative society. No doubt things have changed over time but to abolish a charter immediately may not be easier said than done. There are repercussions that need to be considered especially for a small country like ours.

I am already happy that they are providing benefits to unwed mothers, it is slow but the govt are finally realising that such situations are happening and numbers are rising. Hopefully, they can recognise single parents instead of gender based. Every child born is a Singaporean and no matter what family status he/she is born into should have equal rights to benefits as those who are born into a normal family nucleus.

As time goes, let's just hope that things will get better for our future generation. As I'm from the education line, the kids nowadays are a lot different from our time. One little obstacle they face would mean giving up, no point trying.

We don't have to stick with whatever is acceptable to government as a family nucleus. In matters of family dispute, none of the authorities will help as it is classified as personal matters. No one will step in even if kids are being kidnapped from one parent. That is why it is happening because people know how it works. That is the scenario where lawyers will say to wait for the other party to die. So it doesn't matter whether there is a marriage cert. Only difference is that unless both parties can settle amicably, the lawyers will be the ones gaining from a prolonged divorce battle. Without a cert there isn't a divorce to fight and it will probably be classified as personal matters.

Kids in the new generation are pampered. I don't let my kid give up without trying. Every time my kid says "scared" or "cannot" I make sure the kid tries first. Usually smiles afterwards when my kid learns new things or the fact that more things can be achieved.
 

Tarryn

New Member
I thought if there's no child involved the man do not need to pay monthly alimony?
But first you need to stay away from her, as in not living in the same house.
Anyway if the "marriage was not build based on love but on force and pressure" I don't see why one should continue.
It takes 2 to make a marriage works. If one party already wants out, what's the point of dragging the ordeal any further?
 

life_is

Active Member
I thought if there's no child involved the man do not need to pay monthly alimony?
But first you need to stay away from her, as in not living in the same house.
Anyway if the "marriage was not build based on love but on force and pressure" I don't see why one should continue.
It takes 2 to make a marriage works. If one party already wants out, what's the point of dragging the ordeal any further?

Alimony still valid even without children. Problem is people change over time so men are just going to lose everything. Have heard of cases where women really just want money after long marriages. No man is safe from this.

Some women drag it out so they can keep the flat as MOP is required. It's a common tactic. My ex did just that. Every common tactic in the book was used and I lost everything while she gained everything. So now I'm fighting back by advising men how to play the system.
 


Infernolord

Active Member
Alimony still valid even without children. Problem is people change over time so men are just going to lose everything. Have heard of cases where women really just want money after long marriages. No man is safe from this.

Some women drag it out so they can keep the flat as MOP is required. It's a common tactic. My ex did just that. Every common tactic in the book was used and I lost everything while she gained everything. So now I'm fighting back by advising men how to play the system.

So the best way is not to get marry?
No ger in the right mind will marry a guy if her name is not on the flat. I ever thought of getting a flat since i am single.. But the question is would i add her name when i found a partner since i paying everything haha
Ger will said they contribute to the household or they dun feel secure with a guy if they are not part of the roof. And no gers will get marry if there is a prenuptial agreement too.. gers are not stupid .. So what can you propose? lol
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