Too much to handle or am I just too selfish

likethathow

New Member
Hello all,

Stumble across this forum when I was looking for on how to proceed with annulment. Allow me to share what happened and do pardon me for this lengthy post.

I am married to my wife for coming 7 months. But this marriage was not build based on love but on forceful and pressure. Why? About 1.5 year ago, when we were still dating, she start to pop the question that when are we getting married, have a family of our own and our own house, which I told her that I am not ready but I am willing to settle down when I'm 26-27 y/o. She got all angry and pissed at me by saying that what's the difference of settling down early or later? In which I finally relented on on 26 y/o as the minimum age. But she kept pushing her luck and eventually I gave it in last year when I was 24.

I gave it partly because I love her and partly due to her keep pressuring, as she will ask once every two months or so. If I reject the idea, she will be mad and pissed with me which ended up me being on a roller coaster ride.

I didn't propose in this marriage, neither did I plan in the ROM.

I know by now, some of you guys would say, I have every rights to say no, but I just don't wanna go through any argument with her because I love her, and I thought by getting married things might be different, but no.

During the first month as husband and wife, she threaten divorce because she cannot get along with my mother just because she cannot sometime stand my mother, and despite me coax her and standing on her side against my own mother. Took me quite sometimes to diffuse her.

The second time was a month or two back, think we had an argument over something, she again brought up the idea of divorce, again, I have to coax her and make her thinking about divorce. But at this time it makes me think that this marriage to her is a joke. Happy happy, divorce, not happy also divorce.

So last month, we had an argument and I just snap. Because it was both parties at fault and she wants me to sugar coat her like how it is all along regardless whether I'm right or wrong, and I admit I don't wanna give in because I have already lost all the passion of sugar coating her, wanting her back. The feeling of everything including marriage just instantly died. To me in this relationship is about her and her way while she thinks otherwise. While during these few weeks of me not giving into her, she threaten me with suicide twice, once by running into a busy major road, attempt forcefully to make me agreeing on giving into her. While all I am asking was some time off from everything which she cannot abide to it. Hence it drove me to the decision of annulment/divorce and as of now typing this thread, I am still firm in my decision, as I can no longer love her the way I used to, and I know if we were to reconcile, I will go nuts soon and I don't wanna go through this kinda ordeal again.

Here's the deal, she's not gonna agree on annulment/divorce although our WhatsApp she did mention its okay, but the next moment, she took it back instantly. She prata her statement and promises faster than politician.

The only thing we have together is a car we bought together she paid about 85-90% of the downpayment while I carry on with the monthly installment and operation cost. My parents agreed to buy over the car from her based on the initial money she throw in.

Help please? And thanks for reading!
 


Infernolord

Active Member
You are in the heat of a moment. Why not take sometime off, dun contact each other for 2 weeks.
Ask her to think what she want from this marriage and u can reflect as well..
 

likethathow

New Member
Hello inferno.

I initially thought it was a moment of heat. She's not willing to take time off. Although certain days she don't contact me. I reflect and still stand firm.on my decision.

I did ask her what she wants from this marriage, she couldn't give me an answer.
 
Sad to hear this. I've got the same experience as well and yes, eventually we divorce after 5 years. Mine was worst. She threw and spoilt all the stuff in the house when I did not give in to her. She even scratch me and leave a scar in my hand when she is angry.

You are still young. If you really think there is no hope in this marriage, quickly get on with the annulment. For me, I realised that it is not working only in my early thirties. However, do note that she can still require you to pay her monthly alimony after the annulment. The law is not on guy's side when a marriage breaks apart.
 

likethathow

New Member
Hello verysadguy,

Sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation as me but worst.

Just a quick update, she went ahead to book a BTO flat without me agreeing and said is for us and because my friends stays around there. But the fact is I don't have friends that stays in the North-East area.

Nonetheless, tried to talk things and end nicely with her, she threaten to take her own life. I'm in a dilemma, she wanna make things up now, but I just doesn't have the heart, soul and energy and fearing that this might be eventually become a cycle.

I am buying a bit of time before I really drop the bomb on her with on the annulment as I need to source for lawyer or if anyone here got anyone to recommend?

Lastly, not trying to be a jackass or douchebag, but even there's no asset, children and house, man still have to pay monthly alimony if she require me to?

Thanks again people!
 

phirahh

Member
Hello verysadguy,

Sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation as me but worst.

Just a quick update, she went ahead to book a BTO flat without me agreeing and said is for us and because my friends stays around there. But the fact is I don't have friends that stays in the North-East area.

Nonetheless, tried to talk things and end nicely with her, she threaten to take her own life. I'm in a dilemma, she wanna make things up now, but I just doesn't have the heart, soul and energy and fearing that this might be eventually become a cycle.

I am buying a bit of time before I really drop the bomb on her with on the annulment as I need to source for lawyer or if anyone here got anyone to recommend?

Lastly, not trying to be a jackass or douchebag, but even there's no asset, children and house, man still have to pay monthly alimony if she require me to?

Thanks again people!

Hello! Not experienced in divorce/annulment, but I had an ex who was like that too (threaten suicide etc.) the point you have to realize is that it's their decision what they want to do with their lives, and you cannot think you have any part to play in it. She may blame you, but at the end of the day it's her own legs that run into the road right? This has sincerely helped me move on and truth be told, my ex is still alive and kicking! (& with someone else haha).

Do what is best for you based on your own feelings/practical decisions. What she wants to do with her life is her problem.
 

runez

New Member
in similar situation as well but luckily broke off before marriage, my ex also very stubborn only want things her way, she got depression so when i dun give in she'll give me hell as well, probably spoilt her cos give in too much
 
Hello verysadguy,

Sorry to hear that you are in a similar situation as me but worst.

Just a quick update, she went ahead to book a BTO flat without me agreeing and said is for us and because my friends stays around there. But the fact is I don't have friends that stays in the North-East area.

Nonetheless, tried to talk things and end nicely with her, she threaten to take her own life. I'm in a dilemma, she wanna make things up now, but I just doesn't have the heart, soul and energy and fearing that this might be eventually become a cycle.

I am buying a bit of time before I really drop the bomb on her with on the annulment as I need to source for lawyer or if anyone here got anyone to recommend?

Lastly, not trying to be a jackass or douchebag, but even there's no asset, children and house, man still have to pay monthly alimony if she require me to?

Thanks again people!
Unfortunately yes. As I have said again and again, the arcane women charter is the killer of guys in all divorces and our govt is not doing anything about it. Only making small amendment which is useless.

Also if your ex-wife ask for $1 per month, don't ever think that it is nothing. It actually means she can ask for more in the future.

For lawyer, you can go to HOH law firm. Approx 3500 for uncontested divorce or annulment and more if it is contested.

By the way, you can't ask for annulment if both of you have consummate the marriage.

Finally, yes, it would become a cycle just like what happens to me. I thought things would become better if I treat her better but instead the more I give in, the more she demanded.
 

likethathow

New Member
Hello all,

Thank you all for the warmest advice. Just a quick update, as of now, she is still thinking that I as a husband should give in since she claim that she have given in to me, which she did, but by the time she rectify her action, I no longer wants her to give in because it just died (I believe some may call me a jerk, while some might understand where I am coming from). Even she gives in, I didn't even take any.

My friends and even friends of friend look at my current state, they also propose to quickly get this over and done with because she is victimising herself.

I have emailed a couple of law firm, and I hope some bros/sis here might be able to help in recommend a few lawyer who charge maybe at a cheaper rate or pro-bono rate?

Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Thank you all once again!
 

SadSmurfettes

New Member
OMG, i feel for you.
She threatens you with suicide so many times and you're STILL with her?
She obviously has a mental problem. Like seriously.

What good is killing herself just to get married?
She's stringing you along because she KNOWS she can and because you won't leave.
Disgusting for a girl. How low can she get?

How about this, the both of you should probably take time to cool down now, especially you.
Stay with your parents if possible & she hers.
Make her think about what she's unhappy about before you decide to file for divorce.
It's gonna be really tough for you seeing it's only been several months you've been married.

I'd done my own research & divorce is NEITHER cheap nor easy on both parties.
If you have really made your mind up, then you should really prepare.
Make sure you have ample savings for what you're going to have to face, especially financially.

Your BTO, have you made any deposit?
Signed anything yet? If yes, there goes your deposit. You're not getting any back, i have to remind you.
If no, thank God. You saved yourself money & a ton of trouble.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
The girl did a lot of things against the guy's will and since there is no more love,it's better to end the relationship.easier said than done but it's better to suffer pain now than in the long term..
 

DingOOPS

Member
You have to acknowledge that you played a part in her behaviours now by allowing these things to happen and by re-affirming her that whatever she do, you will just go along with her. Now that it's at a point whereby you have snapped, divorce became your escape route?

If you still want to work on the realtionship, consider marriage counselling at your nearby family service centre.
If you feel that this relationship is impossible, do discuss the details of divorce with your lawyer for a more accurate legal advice.
 

newproject

Active Member
You have to acknowledge that you played a part in her behaviours now by allowing these things to happen and by re-affirming her that whatever she do, you will just go along with her. Now that it's at a point whereby you have snapped, divorce became your escape route?

This is a little unfair. There's a term called blaming the victim.
 

DingOOPS

Member
It's interesting how you only cut the first portion of my reply.

Anyway, I'm just giving Mr likethathow a reflective question to think about his role in the relationship. It's taking up ownership that the dynamics between a couple happens from the interactions of both of us. The saying of taking 2 hands to clap will fit in this context.

Of all the people, you chose to marry her because you love her, something which you have emphasized so much. But marriage is more than just love. There will definitely be differences between 2 people who comes together to form a family. So if you have noticed these differences showing up and if u still love her so much, I would say, why not give it another shot by trying out marital counseling? If you feel it's impossible , then divorce will be a better option.
 

newproject

Active Member
Let's look at facts

1. Woman insisted on getting married, he gave in

2. Within just one month she yell divorce.

What type of person would act like that? Either a very immature child or a mentally I'll one.

To be fair how could the guy predict that?

He probably thought she would be touched he gave in and married her that she would cherish.

How is it predictable in advance she would act so erratically?
 

octobride

Member
Just get a lawyer and divorce her ass ASAP. She clearly is an immature and mentally unstable woman.
I dont think there is monthly alimony to be paid as you don't have any kids yet.

You're really unlucky to meet such siao chabor in your life!
 

newproject

Active Member
Just get a lawyer and divorce her ass ASAP. She clearly is an immature and mentally unstable woman.
I dont think there is monthly alimony to be paid as you don't have any kids yet.

Nope. I don't know why I see this falsehood keeps getting repeated by females here.

If its a divorce he will have to pay alimony every month (unless she remarries) That's how unfair the law is in Singapore.

Child support is a different and seperate matter, (I think this will be paid even if the girl remarries up to the child grows up) .

His best hope is try for anullment if the marriage was not consumated but in his circumstance it seems likely she will contest. But if he does get it it will be like the marriage never existed so no need alimony.

You're really unlucky to meet such siao chabor in your life!

Actually I've heard of many such cases where the gal pressures the guy to get married and after that she's the one who is unhappy and/or wants to divorce.

Lucky for the girl the law favours her in that case.
 

Shirobuta

New Member
You can probably ask this lawyer I've engaged for getting a letter of admin for my late parent.
He's quite reasonable I think.
Lim Swee Tee and company
tel:64382788
You can probably ask him for advice?
Call him for his charges also. That one can ask over the phone.
 

meimei1601

Member
I think some just like to use divorce/breakup like the singlish we use with all the ending... The la and the leh... sometime they don't mean it, but to make u realise she/ he is not happy and thg would scare u...and thg u would show her more TLC. . Ya.. childish I know. .. well.. everyone loves to be pampered and love.. Some just like it more than another.

I suggest u 2 get a marriage counsellor to talk this out.. u will be surprise to know what she sees in u and how she felt inside that u didn't know. ..

Marriage is a lifetime commitment don't just end it with some silly argument... when things are spoilt.. repair it don't just throw away... my ex is the kind of asshole who told me happy married not happy divorce. I could see that it's the anger inside u that are making the decision. U really need a 3rd party to get this whole situation out and see what's going wrong.

Many have forgotten how we felt in love.. and started to take each other for granted. What she have done is not right base on Ur description ... i also couldn't say who is right and who is wrong as there is always 3 side of a story.. yours, hers and the truth.

Additional info: if annulment u 2 must agree on certain terms in the dotted line to get it done.. I doubt she will agree to it. The lawyer will help u with that...

All the best..
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Perhaps you should see a marriage counsellor to resolve all the issues that has been happening.We only heard your part of the story but not hers.she might be experiencing some issues that she can't handle.people react differently when they are faced with obstacles.i mean surely there is some form of love when you marry her.no one can force you to marry if you dun want to. Divorce is the easy way out if things dun go right. But are you fully sure that you want to embark on this path?Perhaps you can reflect how to salvage the situation.if you deeply feel that there is no love,just go ahead to do what you have to do.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.we are all wired differently.there are bound to be obstacles and how you manage them.When she is feeling down,did you do your best to comfort her or just dismissed it as a silly women complain,which makes her feel hurt and disappointed causing her to do things to get your attention but which you dun like?give this relationship some thought pal.marriage is not a game.the important thing is not to look back and regret.for your marital woes,we as outsiders can only advise that much.its your marriage,only you know best.it is also advisable to seek help from a professional counsellor before you decide your drastic move.counselling would not stop you from what you intended to do,but would give you a clearer perspective so that you can make a more informed decision.
 
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newproject

Active Member
Marriage is not a game indeed. Silly person who die die want get married is also the one so quickly say divorce. *shakes head*
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Marriage is not a game indeed. Silly person who die die want get married is also the one so quickly say divorce. *shakes head*

Nobody would want their marriage to fail or to stay as a bachelor or bachelorette forever.Everyone yearn for love.but sometimes things dun go the way that one expects to be.the big question is how do u handle it? To stay and resolve or to throw in the towel?every marital issues are different and who are we to judge?
 

Funnybelly

New Member
I agree with going to a marriage counsellor before you pull the plug.

Find ways to salvage your marriage to a win-win situation. Maybe she doesnt know her actions cause such consequences or she doesn't want anything to change even after marriage. Change is hard. Going to a counsellor will help put those points across to help.

We will say things we don't mean in rage hence we are just hurting each other. If you have a neutral (this is where counsellor come in) at least there are less rage there and more willingness to listen.

Good luck!
 

life_is

Active Member
Just get a lawyer and divorce her ass ASAP. She clearly is an immature and mentally unstable woman.
I dont think there is monthly alimony to be paid as you don't have any kids yet.

You're really unlucky to meet such siao chabor in your life!

My lawyer called my ex a loony. She was exactly like that. And guess what? The law doesn't help men even when she has proven herself crazy.
 

life_is

Active Member
Hello all,

Thank you all for the warmest advice. Just a quick update, as of now, she is still thinking that I as a husband should give in since she claim that she have given in to me, which she did, but by the time she rectify her action, I no longer wants her to give in because it just died (I believe some may call me a jerk, while some might understand where I am coming from). Even she gives in, I didn't even take any.

My friends and even friends of friend look at my current state, they also propose to quickly get this over and done with because she is victimising herself.

I have emailed a couple of law firm, and I hope some bros/sis here might be able to help in recommend a few lawyer who charge maybe at a cheaper rate or pro-bono rate?

Your assistance is greatly appreciated.

Thank you all once again!

She is scamming you and gaming the system. Pm me maybe I can teach you how to fight her and the system.
 

likethathow

New Member
I think some just like to use divorce/breakup like the singlish we use with all the ending... The la and the leh... sometime they don't mean it, but to make u realise she/ he is not happy and thg would scare u...and thg u would show her more TLC. . Ya.. childish I know. .. well.. everyone loves to be pampered and love.. Some just like it more than another.

I suggest u 2 get a marriage counsellor to talk this out.. u will be surprise to know what she sees in u and how she felt inside that u didn't know. ..

Marriage is a lifetime commitment don't just end it with some silly argument... when things are spoilt.. repair it don't just throw away... my ex is the kind of asshole who told me happy married not happy divorce. I could see that it's the anger inside u that are making the decision. U really need a 3rd party to get this whole situation out and see what's going wrong.

Many have forgotten how we felt in love.. and started to take each other for granted. What she have done is not right base on Ur description ... i also couldn't say who is right and who is wrong as there is always 3 side of a story.. yours, hers and the truth.

Additional info: if annulment u 2 must agree on certain terms in the dotted line to get it done.. I doubt she will agree to it. The lawyer will help u with that...

All the best..
Hello meimei,

Initially I take it as an observation on how she will save this marriage, because in this case, both parties have fault, and I admit, I refuse to apologise first. I mean, since dating until marriage, I have been the one por-ing her back and face her and her threats towards me. Despite all those, she start to create a scene by threatening me that she will end her life, her family members all keep pointing fingers at me. Telling me that I have my wrong and I should give in and understand her feeling. Then who spare a thoughts for my feeling?

Not only that, she even threaten suicide infront of my parents, which eventually drove me to almost ending my life (if my handicap father didn't coax and beg me, I would have end it right infront of them, hence explain why I took so long to reply you guys) which causes headache for my mother, who have to coax her. During the span of three hours standoff at my place, she already threaten suicide twice.

I have given her chances, my thoughts and opinion. But she just want things to move her way and her pace without sparing a thought for me despite me countlessly voicing out.

I still remember how we fell in love, how we started out. And if you ask me now, do I feel good and awesome about doing this? No. I feel guilt, sympathetic, because I think I owe her, financially (for the initial car downpayment).
 

likethathow

New Member
Nobody would want their marriage to fail or to stay as a bachelor or bachelorette forever.Everyone yearn for love.but sometimes things dun go the way that one expects to be.the big question is how do u handle it? To stay and resolve or to throw in the towel?every marital issues are different and who are we to judge?
I never want my marriage to fail. I decided to throw in the towel because after much times of voicing out my opinion and thoughts, it just go unheard, if marriage can be renew every 10 years, I wouldn't mind carry on, but I am not prepared or ready to face this kinda bullshit for the rest of my life. After all, the freedom of doing things disappear in a flash by her constant threats, pressure, and convincing.

I agree with going to a marriage counsellor before you pull the plug.

Find ways to salvage your marriage to a win-win situation. Maybe she doesnt know her actions cause such consequences or she doesn't want anything to change even after marriage. Change is hard. Going to a counsellor will help put those points across to help.

We will say things we don't mean in rage hence we are just hurting each other. If you have a neutral (this is where counsellor come in) at least there are less rage there and more willingness to listen.

Good luck!
I have given my shot, so did she. Why I choose not going to a counsellor is because I don't wanna have a second try and I don't wanna take the risk knowing jolly well, in few weeks or months later, she will revert back to default. It took so long to give in serious thoughts and finalise my decision. I don't want some positive messages given me the strength for a second try ended up back to where it was before.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Hello meimei,

Initially I take it as an observation on how she will save this marriage, because in this case, both parties have fault, and I admit, I refuse to apologise first. I mean, since dating until marriage, I have been the one por-ing her back and face her and her threats towards me. Despite all those, she start to create a scene by threatening me that she will end her life, her family members all keep pointing fingers at me. Telling me that I have my wrong and I should give in and understand her feeling. Then who spare a thoughts for my feeling?

Not only that, she even threaten suicide infront of my parents, which eventually drove me to almost ending my life (if my handicap father didn't coax and beg me, I would have end it right infront of them, hence explain why I took so long to reply you guys) which causes headache for my mother, who have to coax her. During the span of three hours standoff at my place, she already threaten suicide twice.

I have given her chances, my thoughts and opinion. But she just want things to move her way and her pace without sparing a thought for me despite me countlessly voicing out.

I still remember how we fell in love, how we started out. And if you ask me now, do I feel good and awesome about doing this? No. I feel guilt, sympathetic, because I think I owe her, financially (for the initial car downpayment).

The divorce matter must be handled very carefully coz her emotions are unstable.based on what u mentioned,there is no point to use the tough tactic on her.it would only make both parties suffered.Also,backing down does not deflate ur pride.u have to look at the bigger picture,situation.if anything happen it would be on ur conscience for the rest of ur life.others may blame u too. yes,u may hate her,but we are all humans.some day in ur life you may regret what u did.

Also,if you want out now,it may cause more problems later on.why not wait for things to be more calm before you make ur decision.let her calm down first and see how things go. No point being tough on her now.she would definitely need someone to talk her through this.
 

likethathow

New Member
And a quick update for those who have been following this thread and giving me constructive replies.

Since the start of the argument till now its been coming to three months. We have stopped talking since two weeks ago (I have to use extensive measure such as blocking her off every social media platform, messaging apps and phone calls). But prior to that, she have been pestering, to give it a second try and when I said pester, it can be to the extend of self inflicting injury to ownself.

Recap for those who just read this thread. We argued during the second week of February, things just turn south from there. First 5 weeks she have been threatening suicide, defaming me by posting on her facebook and instagram account. Threaten to post the stories on to newspapers tabloid.

6 weeks since the beginning of the argument, she decided to play nice by showering me with gifts from her trip (which she bought a ticket for me also, but I did told her I am not going and even if she were to buy, I am not going), and frequently come down to my workplace wanting to talk things out. This carries on for another one month. I know showering me with gifts is her way of showing affection and love, but all I wanted from her is some time alone. Which she knows but couldn't give and I have to gain it by doing it in the forceful way by ignoring and blocking her.

At the same time, this saga cause my work performance to reach an all time low and I am facing possibility of losing my job.

Now at the eleven week, I finally have some peace and start to feel a bit lighter mood. But despite all those, I harbour guilt, sympathetic towards my wife. Why? Because of the money she spend on me during the course of our argument. She lost her job a week before we argue and have been jobless since then, the last I know is that she is working at Challenger on a part time basis while waiting for a company to employ her. She needed the money more than I do, and I don't want her to suffer not just emotionally but also financially. The last thing I can do is to go separate ways while at the same time, to get my lawyer (whoever he/she is) to hand her the money. This thought end up affecting myself.

Which still affects me a lot, and now not only that affects me but also me facing the fact that I might lose my job and going into a financial debt (returning car payment that might need a help from my parents to pull me out, which end up being a burden to them. Sometimes it makes me wonder, what's the purpose of living?
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Bro, honestly.... Give her and yourself a chance.
The way i look at it now. She is remorseful and willing to change and to work things out.
For a prideful ger to do to this extend shows how much she loves you despite your indifferent treatment.
Frankly speaking, you are punishing her now for loving you. And indeed i believe you still have some feelings for her as well.

Now the problem don't lies in her, it's you. Being blunt, i think you have given her the ultimatum and she learning it the hard way.
The root of the problem now is this marriage. And since she is ready to work it out then its your problem cause you are the one not willing to work it out.
Both suffer emotionally and affecting your work. Why not give it a final chance. Work it out, talk it out. Solve the problem, save the marriage, then eventually work on both of your financial problems.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Hi likethathow,

Seriously consider the advice given by infernolord.those are sensible advice.i believe he also has his own issues to manage too but he is willing to be flexible towards situation and exercise empathy towards others.

Things will get better.:)Jia you!
 

likethathow

New Member
Bro, honestly.... Give her and yourself a chance.
The way i look at it now. She is remorseful and willing to change and to work things out.
For a prideful ger to do to this extend shows how much she loves you despite your indifferent treatment.
Frankly speaking, you are punishing her now for loving you. And indeed i believe you still have some feelings for her as well.

Now the problem don't lies in her, it's you. Being blunt, i think you have given her the ultimatum and she learning it the hard way.
The root of the problem now is this marriage. And since she is ready to work it out then its your problem cause you are the one not willing to work it out.
Both suffer emotionally and affecting your work. Why not give it a final chance. Work it out, talk it out. Solve the problem, save the marriage, then eventually work on both of your financial problems.

After when I totally died and no longer have feelings for her and on the relationship then she do all these?

Yes, problem may be me, she wants to settle down early, she wants to start a family and have her place call home, but have she ever considered about my financial and what I want? Those dreams and interest I wanna pursue since I was a little boy, all got shot down by her, telling me why waste the money?
She have her personal interest and dreams and idea of starting a family and I fully support her. But have she support my interest and dreams?

I feel suffocating, and I feel it more after getting married. I just came out to the working society for barely two years, and everything was taken away. She told me that I can carry on doing things that I love to, as long I let her know. But once I let her know, it become an argument, of how much money I have wasted and I should have put into good use like for wedding and house.

Reason why I don't wanna work it out is because as mention number of post ago, she flip her promises faster than Muthu down the street flipping prata.

During the argument, she still insist is my fault and I should give in. Being all demanding with me. Like wtf? Is still her way, her ideology. Then what about mine? If marriage is suppose to be giving 10 steps and give the 11th step when you are on your edge and not able to have like a step or two back. I would rather die.
 

newproject

Active Member
After when I totally died and no longer have feelings for her and on the relationship then she do all these?

Yes, problem may be me, she wants to settle down early, she wants to start a family and have her place call home, but have she ever considered about my financial and what I want? Those dreams and interest I wanna pursue since I was a little boy, all got shot down by her, telling me why waste the money?
She have her personal interest and dreams and idea of starting a family and I fully support her. But have she support my interest and dreams?

I feel suffocating, and I feel it more after getting married. I just came out to the working society for barely two years, and everything was taken away. She told me that I can carry on doing things that I love to, as long I let her know. But once I let her know, it become an argument, of how much money I have wasted and I should have put into good use like for wedding and house.

Reason why I don't wanna work it out is because as mention number of post ago, she flip her promises faster than Muthu down the street flipping prata.

During the argument, she still insist is my fault and I should give in. Being all demanding with me. Like wtf? Is still her way, her ideology. Then what about mine? If marriage is suppose to be giving 10 steps and give the 11th step when you are on your edge and not able to have like a step or two back. I would rather die.

OK I really can't tolerate this anymore and have to comment even though I know some people will think I am attacking them. I can't stand idlely by.

Guys its clear he really doesn't want this relationship. The resentment and contempt they have for each other is too much.

Please don't keep arguing with him to try to ask him to salvage this out of some misplaced idealism or naive belief in positivity.

They are way way past that , its obvious the marriage began on a weak foundation and it crumbled almost immediately after.

Infernolord no offense bro but you have a history of hanging on way way too long when others wiser would have given up way earlier recognising its unsalvageable, you always think things can be fixed , but .....

Life is not a Disney movie or cliched
advice like "all you need is communication" or typing some fake cheery clichéd positive words will hekp.. Sometimes people are just incompatible or things have gone past the point of salvage.

Likethathow listen to me, I've been almost exactly where you were 10 Year ago.

You have two paths in front of you. Quick end to the pain or a long drawn out route to more pain that ultimatly lead to same result.

The thing is I believe you do have some amount of love and care for her that's why sometimes you feel sentimental and when she's hurt or in trouble you feel guility or want to protect her.

The problem is that good feeling is dwarfed by your resentment and anger for the many reasons you set out here eg difference in life goals etc. The fact you got married when this was a big issue was a horrible mistake.

The fact you guys are in this sad state just recently after marriage tells anyone even with little experience you guys not going to last the long haul.

You can wise up, toughen up and try to end this fast or drag it out with cycles of coming together then breaking apart and coming together again until finally one day someone dies or gives up 100%.
 

life_is

Active Member
My ex is more crazy than yours. And way more scheming. She can beat the child and get away with it. Whole family of hers got away with zero punishment. It's called disciplining the child. Excuses used to best innocent children into submission. Even my lawyer called her a loony.
 

newproject

Active Member
My ex is more crazy than yours. And way more scheming. She can beat the child and get away with it. Whole family of hers got away with zero punishment. It's called disciplining the child. Excuses used to best innocent children into submission. Even my lawyer called her a loony.

Your ex is scheming and crazy but she is not planning get back with you.

The thread starter here's wife is crazy and confused and trying to get him back (sometimes). That's even more dangerous in a way
 

life_is

Active Member
Your ex is scheming and crazy but she is not planning get back with you.

The thread starter here's wife is crazy and confused and trying to get him back (sometimes). That's even more dangerous in a way

She pretended to be so she could get more benefits. It's common tactics that the system endorses. When I said no, she gave a lot of hell including becoming a child abuser and committing perjury together with all kinds of false police reports to set me up.

His case is tough. It's like a minefield for him knowing how biased the system is over here.
 

newproject

Active Member
She pretended to be so she could get more benefits. It's common tactics that the system endorses. When I said no, she gave a lot of hell including becoming a child abuser and committing perjury together with all kinds of false police reports to set me up.

His case is tough. It's like a minefield for him knowing how biased the system is over here.

Bro you know I agree with you about the system here and how man are disadvantaged.

But you got to remember not all woman is your exwife.

Your ex is horrible even by standards of most woman . Telling Falsehoods to get the guy in trouble because she angry and vicious I can imagine but to the point until a mother abuse her own child?

I am sure you agree, one in a million bro... Really sorry you so unlucky.

His case sounds like his wife desperately trying to hold on. They got no children so your case doesn't apply.
 

life_is

Active Member
Bro you know I agree with you about the system here and how man are disadvantaged.

But you got to remember not all woman is your exwife.

Your ex is horrible even by standards of most woman . Telling Falsehoods to get the guy in trouble because she angry and vicious I can imagine but to the point until a mother abuse her own child?

I am sure you agree, one in a million bro... Really sorry you so unlucky.

His case sounds like his wife desperately trying to hold on. They got no children so your case doesn't apply.

He still has woman's charter to deal with. That will shackle him for life. It is a free meal ticket for the wife. Many women have used it to get free income. The only women I respect are those who won't take maintenance on the basis that men and women are equals.
 

newproject

Active Member
He still has woman's charter to deal with. That will shackle him for life. It is a free meal ticket for the wife. Many women have used it to get free income. The only women I respect are those who won't take maintenance on the basis that men and women are equals.

That's true. Hope his wife is the ones that can respect but I not hopefully. But no matter what your ex is ultimate level.
 

life_is

Active Member
That's true. Hope his wife is the ones that can respect but I not hopefully. But no matter what your ex is ultimate level.

Yup. Loony as said by lawyer. With my experience I have no choice left but to educate the public on what to do to make the system work against the other party. With all the common tactics that were used by me and identified by lawyers as common tactics. It's the only way to get any rights, and we should all strive to be selfish and protect personal rights.
 

meiji5

Member
OK I really can't tolerate this anymore and have to comment even though I know some people will think I am attacking them. I can't stand idlely by.

Guys its clear he really doesn't want this relationship. The resentment and contempt they have for each other is too much.

Please don't keep arguing with him to try to ask him to salvage this out of some misplaced idealism or naive belief in positivity.

They are way way past that , its obvious the marriage began on a weak foundation and it crumbled almost immediately after.

Infernolord no offense bro but you have a history of hanging on way way too long when others wiser would have given up way earlier recognising its unsalvageable, you always think things can be fixed , but .....

Life is not a Disney movie or cliched
advice like "all you need is communication" or typing some fake cheery clichéd positive words will hekp.. Sometimes people are just incompatible or things have gone past the point of salvage.

Likethathow listen to me, I've been almost exactly where you were 10 Year ago.

You have two paths in front of you. Quick end to the pain or a long drawn out route to more pain that ultimatly lead to same result.

The thing is I believe you do have some amount of love and care for her that's why sometimes you feel sentimental and when she's hurt or in trouble you feel guility or want to protect her.

The problem is that good feeling is dwarfed by your resentment and anger for the many reasons you set out here eg difference in life goals etc. The fact you got married when this was a big issue was a horrible mistake.

The fact you guys are in this sad state just recently after marriage tells anyone even with little experience you guys not going to last the long haul.

You can wise up, toughen up and try to end this fast or drag it out with cycles of coming together then breaking apart and coming together again until finally one day someone dies or gives up 100%.

There is only so much that one person can tolerate and handle. It's not easy to stay with someone who threatens to end their life. I've been through this and it's really draining.

If TS is certain that a divorce is the best option for him and his wife, that is his decision. We only hope that you can make the best decision, one that is best for you, your wife and both families. If that means divorce, then so be it. We just hope that you have weighed your options with a clear state of mind. :)
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
This is a little unfair. There's a term called blaming the victim.

That is true to a certain extend only. This is not a scam marriage where she pretended otherwise to cheat him into marriage. She was dramatic, quarralsome and blackmailing him from the beginning and his reason to give in? "Because I love her". Right, and now? He has enough. Love no more.

The wife was demanding during courtship, he chose to give in. He is a grown up. He cannot really cry victim frankly. He just have to accept reality, he screw up and deal with its consequences. If marriage with such a person is not what he wants, he need to bite the bullet and move on. The woman's charter does make sure we pay for our mistakes very dearly. It nevertheless doesn't excuse the mistake itself.

When we take risks in life, we could end up facing life long consequences. Its one thing to empathize, another thing to make him a victim.
 

life_is

Active Member
That is true to a certain extend only. This is not a scam marriage where she pretended otherwise to cheat him into marriage. She was dramatic, quarralsome and blackmailing him from the beginning and his reason to give in? "Because I love her". Right, and now? He has enough. Love no more.

The wife was demanding during courtship, he chose to give in. He is a grown up. He cannot really cry victim frankly. He just have to accept reality, he screw up and deal with its consequences. If marriage with such a person is not what he wants, he need to bite the bullet and move on. The woman's charter does make sure we pay for our mistakes very dearly. It nevertheless doesn't excuse the mistake itself.

When we take risks in life, we could end up facing life long consequences. Its one thing to empathize, another thing to make him a victim.

And that is why I think we should abolish woman's charter. It's based in the 60s and very outdated. At the rate we are going, marriage will become a joke in no time. Seen quite a few cases where the women really use the loopholes to make good men suffer. We should all learn from these examples and think carefully about whether that certificate is worth it. People can cohabit and be happy without that certificate. It is just a paper that makes women stop putting in effort for a union.
 
And that is why I think we should abolish woman's charter. It's based in the 60s and very outdated. At the rate we are going, marriage will become a joke in no time. Seen quite a few cases where the women really use the loopholes to make good men suffer. We should all learn from these examples and think carefully about whether that certificate is worth it. People can cohabit and be happy without that certificate. It is just a paper that makes women stop putting in effort for a union.
It should have long been abolished but you know they are afraid of losing the women votes and so they keep it there to please the women. It is such an outdated law that places all the fault on men in any marriages when women these days could be at fault too. Some more these days, women are able to work and feed themselves, unlike the 60s...
 

life_is

Active Member
It should have long been abolished but you know they are afraid of losing the women votes and so they keep it there to please the women. It is such an outdated law that places all the fault on men in any marriages when women these days could be at fault too. Some more these days, women are able to work and feed themselves, unlike the 60s...

I have heard too many cases where women get rewarded in divorce while men suffered. Have seen what it does to men. These are from the generation before mine. Definitely outdated. Unfortunately, was told by a lawyer that we can forget about any changes. So don't bother waiting for changes, just adapt to it and don't sign.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I have heard too many cases where women get rewarded in divorce while men suffered. Have seen what it does to men. These are from the generation before mine. Definitely outdated. Unfortunately, was told by a lawyer that we can forget about any changes. So don't bother waiting for changes, just adapt to it and don't sign.

Hi Life_is,

There are amendments made to the Women 's Charter a few months ago.havent u seen the news?women have to pay spousal maintenance to incapacitated husbands who can't work. The law doesn't totally favours the women.it works in both ways,not always a one way thing.
 
Hi Life_is,

There are amendments made to the Women 's Charter a few months ago.havent u seen the news?women have to pay spousal maintenance to incapacitated husbands who can't work. The law doesn't totally favours the women.it works in both ways,not always a one way thing.
It still favours women. These are just minor amendments made to WC. How about when it is the girl who find another bf outside after marriage? why must guys still pay maintenance in this case? How about a case when the girl actually abuse the guy repeatedly by hitting, scratching him and even want to smother him to death? In all these cases, men are still deemed at fault if the marriage breaks down.
 


newproject

Active Member
It still favours women. These are just minor amendments made to WC. How about when it is the girl who find another bf outside after marriage? why must guys still pay maintenance in this case? How about a case when the girl actually abuse the guy repeatedly by hitting, scratching him and even want to smother him to death? In all these cases, men are still deemed at fault if the marriage breaks down.

Yeah the guy must be almost like seriously handicapped or paralyzed to be able to ask on case by case basis

A able bodied woman who can and is earning her own salary and don't need alimony can automatically gets the same.
 
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