Support group - Divorce

shattered

New Member
It's happening again. I dun want this to happen in this way. He wants to end his life. The fact that he doesnt like the way i speak, the way i ask, the way of myself, in fact everything. He finds it painful. He finds it hurting. He is in pain. So he wants to end his life. N he went to the corridor to jump. He wanted to end his life, coz of me. I m the one hurting him, i m the one who irks him, displeases him. He doesnt want to stay on in this world because of me. But i want him to live on. I cant let him go. He pleaded me to let him go, go away from here. N i said no, i will never let go. He asked me why? I told him i wont let him go coz i love him. He said but he doesnt love me, why cant i let him go? I said him doesnt love me does not change this fact that i love him. N the very fact i love him, i want him to live on. I wont let him go. Then he said, ok, he wont go, but only if we divorce. But i dun want a divorce. This is not the way to solve our problems. What if after divorce, he still choose to go away? I cant let him go, n i wont let him go. I love him. But m i selfish, that's y i m not letting him go? I really dunno what he means. I dun even know what's the answer he's really looking n waiting for when he asked me all those questions. I m so afraid of giving the wrong answers, answers that would hurt him. I dun know what i'm replied, as in the above, r all these answers equally hurtful to him? I dunno.
 


enen

New Member
i think you are not selfish. the one being selfish here is him. all these wanting to hurt himself becos of you seems to be emotion blackmail. sorry if this sound harsh and seems useless comments to you.

sorry to say i do not know how to help you here but to pray for you.

be strong, talk to someone. ever consider trying counselling? even if he does not want to go, you can start on your own first.
 
A

advice

Guest
Dear Shattered,

I agree with Enen that it is emotional blackmail that he is threatening to hurt himself. Sorry to be frank. I dont know what problems you 2 are facing, but putting the problems aside first, I think you 2 need time to calm down.

Believe me, it is no point hanging on to the man if it is not mutual. It takes 2 hands to clap and make the marriage work. It would not help hanging on to him if he does not reciprocate or reacting adversely.

Let him go, cool off and talk abt it again. Put it this way, if you compare, it doesnt make you feel better that you are hanging on to him and he is unhappy and makes you unhappy.

Whatever problems you have, go see a counsellor together. Dont jump into divorce. It is not the only way out.

Take care.
 

disheartened

New Member
Hi, Time to cool off,

thanks for ur advice.

i had actually proposed to husband to move out so as to ease the tension in the family. However, he said he is the only son and will never leave his mum to live by herself (cos' father in-law passed away already). I also explained to him that moving away is not being un-filial, we can always move to some where nearby and go back regularly. But he refused, he said he MUST live with his mum. I asked him if he still treasure our marriage, he said yes, but, no matter what, he will not move out. I also explained to him that it is also common for sons (whether only or not) to move out and start his own family, but he said it doesn't work in his family.To me, his answer is obvious enough, he loves his wife, but he loves his mum even more. I don't think counselling will do any good.
 
S

same old same old

Guest
hi disheartened,

i understand fully what u meant n how u feel. i fully support that u end the marriage. otherwise in the long run more quarrels n heartache will ensue. luckily no children. it's weird, there's always this bond betw mum n son, no matter how rotten that mum is, n so painfully obvious dat all the evil mum wans is to hv the son ALL to herself, n yet she doesn't come right out wif it but resort to all sort of schemes. sorry me digressing. unless u foresee the mum DYING SOON, no point hanging on. Escape now, so u will happier n at peace wif yourself.
 

scared

New Member
very scary....i seem to hear more n more of such 'evil mil' stories.....why??? is it because sgp women are too pampered n men are too 'mummies' boys'???
 
disheartened,
I do not think it is impossible to live with mil - it is not easy but not impossible. You have learn to be blind and deaf, a lot of patience and keep temper in check, a lot of giving.

Of course it would be easier if you can persuade your husband to move out with you. But look at it this way, he is the only son and his mum will be living alone? It is not unreasonable of him to want to stay with his mum or for his mum to want to stay with him.

Imagine when one day you are old and your husband is dead and your only son do not want to stay with you. People of the older generation still cannot come to terms with this.

For people like us, we are all prepared to be alone and dumped by our kids, probably save enough to check ourselve in some old folks home.

The way I see it, if you really love your husband, you just have to be patient, think positive - in a couple of years time, things may change for the better. I have seen it happen before. But I guess the easy way is always to quit the marriage.
 
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no_longer_sick&tired

Guest
She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine

But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?

Heaven knows... heaven knows.

**Reborned? Move forward strongly...

ALL THE PIONEER SUPPORT GROUP MEMBERS, HOPE YOU ARE STILL HERE FOLLOWING THE FORUM. DO DROP AFEW WORDS (HI, SO AND SO IS STILL HERE LAH) AT LEAST, ANY MEMBERS READING WILL KNOW THAT THE GROUP IS STILL ACTIVE TILL NOW.
 

strawberry78

New Member
Yikes! This Heaven Knows Rick Price song was me and my pals code-song for breakups when we were 15 YEARS OLD!!!

somethings never change ;)

I wonder why...
 

disheartened

New Member
unwantedman33,

I wld like to clarify myself. Firstly, i did not ask my husband to abandon his mum or even leave her in an old folks home. I oni said to move out so as to minimise conflicts. I even told him that i don't mind getting a unit nearby so that we could still go back on a regular basis. As far as i can see, this is the best way to maintain family harmony. What's the point of insisting to live together and quarrelling everyday? We've been married for abt a year and already, there have been no less than 5 quarrels. Its really painful to go home everyday. Sometimes I would just stay back a bit longer hoping that I would see less of his mum. Weekends are the worst.

U mentioned being patient. Its really very easy to say that. I've already endured for abt a year. Imagine having to work during daytime, and then having to prepare for battle again at home. Its totally physically and emotionally draining.
 

dingo_beans

New Member
I’ve been following this thread for a while now. Reading your many constructive advices in how I could move on and have personally benefited from your postings. From sharing your personal experiences to lending a listening ear, from a quiet tap on shoulder to insights that I’ve never thought of, thank u all for your great companion through this journey.

Reading so many postings here… I’ve learnt that this thread is so intense with many real life dramas in dire crossroads where decisions made could destine the rest of ourlives. This ain’t Korean soap drama that one could lightly lament… “yah… I would have done that” but a real life crisis that’s happening amongst ourselves. Every decision made is one that the individual has to carry for the rest of his/her lives that we ourselves commenting would not have to bear. I’ve learnt in a very hard way the price to pay for making wrong step, will regret for the rest of my life and hence been hesitant in making any postings lately. I could not bear to suggest another course of action as I will not be there to live the consequences and your regrets on your behalf. Insights perhaps, in the journey I’ve walked, or bringing areas of concerns where you may, or may not have seen. But advises of “If I were you… I’d have” would never be…

God bless..
 
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any idea?

Guest
any idea if husband n wife (not on good terms) can still file for separation, even tho they live in same house, same room, n still sleeping on same bed????
 

needtoknow

New Member
I have a few questions - we are planning for a divorce due to incompatibility issues. He paid for the downpayment of the flat and he contributes more. For the selling of the flat, do we split the proceeds accordingly or will he be returned the amount that he has actually "invested" in the flat via CPF automatically.

I really hope someone can help me with my above question
 
P

passed by

Guest
Hi needtoknow,

The proceeds will be returned to the respective CPF account according to the amount contributed.
 

kloo

New Member
need some advice for my sis going thru divorce:

In summary, BIL staying in flat without paying a cent (all paid by my sis), not paying bills (bills under sis name), refuses to work & claim no money in bank. He wants to claim 1/2 of the sale of flat & only give $100 for maintenance. He got a sum of $$ from by selling his shares. & now he said the $$ is gone in paying his loans & living expenses. Chances is he has sent $$ to his country, he's a PR here. He has a MBA & yet sits at home doing nothing. He has been living free rent in the flat for 18 mths.

How can my sis get 100% of the flat?& demand more maintenance from him. It has really been v unfair to my sis for all these yrs, where this man just sit at home & do nothing but living off my sis & emotionally violent towards my sis, saying things to belittle her.

Hope someone can give me some advice for her, she's v stress now, especially lawyer is just making her spend more & more & in the end may not get a cent back.
 
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rachel rain

Guest
sad to say, as long as he is the legal owner of the flat, he gets half . Maintenance will deteremine how long your sister has been married to your BIL. 1 year or 2 years or even 3 years ( i assume without kids) will not get much.
 

zimon

New Member
hi all, would really appreciate some advise...

well, i was suspecting that my wife was having an affair, you know,with all the secret SMSs, phone calls and late night outings...

Anyway, i confronted and she said that it is just a friend but nonetheless, she also admitted wrong doing as she is getting too close with this guy. I accepted her explanation and wanted to move on...

However, a few weeks ago, i stumbled upon some emails that the guy wrote to her...horror of horrors, in it were explicite details of their relationship, even mentioned of itimacy..the devastation and pain was really excruciating. Well, not to dwell on too much details, my wife denied everything about those emails. She said that these were written one-sided by the guy because he liked her and everything is not true, espcially being itimate with him. Honestly, I dont believe it, because after reading those emails, it is really hard to believe someone would create those details out of thin air...

we are now in counselling but this one issue is burning me all the time, do I or do I not want to find out the truth about their relationship? Everytime i wanna discuss this with her, she will either be all defensive, or kick up a fuss and threathen to die or just simply break-down and cry. She just wan me to forget about the past and move-on. I am really caught, on one hand I dont wish to see her so agonised and sad, on the other hand, I am dying to know the truth and extend of her betrayal but I also dont know if I have the courage to handle the truth. Hence, appreciate advise, comments from anyone, good or bad. Tks.
 
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rainny day

Guest
Perhaps u need to know wat is the main reason for her to start the affair. Is there anything missing between u guys? Have u neglect her in the past

As for "do u or do u not want to find out the truth abt their relationship", all depends on u. Guess u're eager to know the truth. Ask urself, are u able to handle when she told u wat they've done, been to where...so and so?

If u decided to forgive her, forget abt the past. Wat have been done is in the past, most important is to look into the matter, wat made her do so and how to strengthen ur relationship.

It seems like ur wife is not willing to be open and discuss with u. It takes 2 hand to clap, Have a good talk with her...
 

zimon

New Member
dear rainny day, tks for ur advise...
well, of course we did not have a perfect relationship, but nothing too serious, in any case wouldnt you agree that no matter what, it shouldnt be an excuse to have an affair?

anywayz, juz wanna ask you, if u were me, would you like to know about the truth?
 

redshoes

New Member
hi zimon

if i were you, i would like to know the truth. but it's like an addiction, after knowing a little bit, you'll just want to know more and more. Maybe there'll be no end, but it's got to stop some where. It will take a lot of self-control.

Since you're both going through counselling, how about bringing the issue up when you're with the counsellor since they may know how to handle situations like these?
 
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rainny day

Guest
Zimon,

I'll say i'll like to know, if my partner is willing to open up & tell me all. Else, i'll leave it behind. Seriously, i couldn't stop imagine after having known all..guess i'll go crazy sooner or later. How many ppl can really forget abt the truth when their partner tell them the whole process?

Indeed we shouldn't betray our partner no matter happen in bet. That's y u will need to talk to her abt wat is bothering her that lead to the affair. Let her know u're more concern on wat she think than wat she did.

I was wondering y she won't want to tell u abt their relationship. Is she trying to protect the other party or ??? U may let her know that it doesnt help to rebuild the marriage if she dun open up.

The counsellor can only advise marriage couples to open up themselve, include touching on the affairs part. However, it depends of individual. If the wife/ husband is not willing to tell, the counsellor will not force them. Have to remember, it takes 2 hand to clap.

Perhaps u may want to talk to the counsellor alone and seek for their advise.
 

zimon

New Member
Dear redshoes, ya, u r right, its an obsession for me now. Acting and thinking like CSI investigator trying to snoop and dig out info, probably the truth will nvr come to light since she is not willing to say and I am afraid if i force her too much she will suffer a break-down. How I wish I could forget all these, maybe through the help of hypontism, u think, if it exist here...god, the agony...but thanks for the listening ear.

Dear rainny day, yes, we have been talking abt our problems and trying to work on it...but the thing that is pre-occupying my mind all the time is to wanna know the truth, so cant focus much on the rest...dats the problem with me. I dont think she is trying to protect the other party, not as if I will go beat him up or wat because I dun really blame him as he did not know all along that she is attached after all! (oh, what a failure I am). I guess she is afraid I cant take it (the truth) and leave her and seriously I also duno what i will do..hiaz..
Anyway, I am going for a individual session with the counsellor tom and see what she can advise...wish me luck, and also thanks for your interest in my story..have a good day yourself
 
zimon,
Speaking from experience, I really hope that you can be rational.

Now, if you truly treasure this relationship with your wife it is best that you can put everything aside and move forward. What is the point of you knowing the truth. If it is true that your wife was really intimate - you would want to divorce your wife? If you still want you wife irregardless, you have to let go and forget about the whole thing. Don't mention it again. Nurture your love.

Once you know the truth and if the truth really hurts you may not be able to take it and your wife may not be able to face you anymore. Is that what you want. If you really treasure your relationship, you should let it pass. If you still cannot rid yourself of this obsession of wanting to know the truth - ask yourself, what will you do if you know the truth?

For your info, my wife too had an affair and I was determined to find the truth. The truth is out and she is so ashamed of herself that she can never face me again - our marriage broke down - even when her affair has long ended.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself what you want.
 
A

advice_needed

Guest
Need help on legal costs of divorce proceedings.

How much is the average cost for Divorce based on adultery and Child custody proceedures?
Would like to have a feel of the cost involved.

Thanks.
 
A

advice_needed

Guest
Need help on legal costs of divorce proceedings.

How much is the average cost for Divorce based on adultery and Child custody proceedures?
Would like to have a feel of the cost involved.
Some background. My husband has decided to be with the OW from his affair but he is also deciding to fight with me for our 2yr-old son.

Thanks.
 
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advice_needed

Guest
Need help on legal costs of divorce proceedings.

How much is the average cost for Divorce based on adultery and Child custody proceedures?
Would like to have a feel of the cost involved.
Some background. My husband has decided to be with the OW from his affair but he is also deciding to fight with me for our 2yr-old son.

Thanks.
 
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a_guest

Guest
Hi,

Around $3k for uncontested.

could be up to $10K for contested.

Do think twice and see whether your marriage could be salvaged.

Be strong!
 
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tamlex

Guest
i've filed for divorce last wk after 4 yrs of marriage with a lovely daughter who'll be turning 3 this Jul. I chanced upon this site today and read most of the postings ... now i'm not so sure whether i did the right thing. Some background:

Husband & i were together for 8 yrs b4 tying knots. Shortly after wedding we have a bb girl. He told me to quit my job to take care of our precious girl. We have a maid as well & live in a F/H apt. In short, we led a fairly comfortable life. His frequent late nights were usually the cause of our arguement. He would be home passed 3am, average 2-3 times a wk, claiming he was "entertaining" his clients (presumely in nightclubs). I'm the poker-face sort who'll declare cold war whenever i was unhappy with him. Things got worse 6 months ago when we changed a new maid. Our girl refused to be taken care of by the maid, day or night. Hence i had to stay home every night cos bb sleeps at 7pm! I had literally no social life, can't even dine out cos bb will wake up several times looking for me. Husband's late nights increased to 3-4 times a wk & its common for him to be home passed 4am. In Dec last yr, he came home in the morning 6-7am on 3 occasions, each time giving me a crappy excuse. On New Year Eve I was left all alone at home after having a simple tar-pao dinner with him. He came home at 6am, claiming he played mahjiong at a mutual friend's hse!

i suspect he's having an affair but he would deny flatly everytime i question him, even challenged me to hire a PI to tail him. Everytime when i was pissed after he has a string of late nights, he would try to pacify me. But few days later, he would do it again, & again, & again ...

The last straw came during the CNY. After staying home every single night for the past 6 months, i had a night out with my sis (who lives in Aust) & BIL. Sensing I may be gg out, husband was unhappy even b4 i left hse ... kept emphasising he's only gg for a QUICK DINNER, something which i haven't heard of! B4 this, all his so-called "dinner" easily ended way passed 3-4am. Anyway, while i was having supper with sis & BIL at 12.30am, he started harassing me with calls (5 calls within 20 mins!), yelling abuses at me etc over the phone. When i went home at 1.35am, he acted like some insane men yakking non-stop & insisting that i sign on his "divorce paper" which is just a piece of A4 paper with some scribbling!! He went on his wayang show, waking my girl up & won't let her sleep, trying to ransack my bag etc. The following day i learn from my sis that he called my BIL at 2.30am hauling abuses & ridiculous accusations at him (trying to break up our family etc) for a good half hour! I told myself "That's it! No more craps from this man, i want him out of my life!"

I used his past violent records as ground for unreasonable behaviour. 3 yrs ago he assualted me during an arguement when i was 4 months pregnant, i made a police report & went to a doctor to have my injuries documented. A year ago during a late night agruement, he threatened to jump from the window, shoved, pushed & slapped me. It was so bad that neighbours alert the police. Now i'm using all these plus his frequent late nights as reasons building up to my decision to have a dicvorce.

My question now is: Am i being too harsh & impulsive in filing divorce?
 
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tamlex

Guest
i've filed for divorce last wk after 4 yrs of marriage with a lovely daughter who'll be turning 3 this Jul. I chanced upon this site today and read most of the postings ... now i'm not so sure whether i did the right thing. Some background:

Husband & i were together for 8 yrs b4 tying knots. Shortly after wedding we have a bb girl. He told me to quit my job to take care of our precious girl. We have a maid as well & live in a F/H apt. In short, we led a fairly comfortable life. His frequent late nights were usually the cause of our arguement. He would be home passed 3am, average 2-3 times a wk, claiming he was "entertaining" his clients (presumely in nightclubs). I'm the poker-face sort who'll declare cold war whenever i was unhappy with him. Things got worse 6 months ago when we changed a new maid. Our girl refused to be taken care of by the maid, day or night. Hence i had to stay home every night cos bb sleeps at 7pm! I had literally no social life, can't even dine out cos bb will wake up several times looking for me. Husband's late nights increased to 3-4 times a wk & its common for him to be home passed 4am. In Dec last yr, he came home in the morning 6-7am on 3 occasions, each time giving me a crappy excuse. On New Year Eve I was left all alone at home after having a simple tar-pao dinner with him. He came home at 6am, claiming he played mahjiong at a mutual friend's hse!

i suspect he's having an affair but he would deny flatly everytime i question him, even challenged me to hire a PI to tail him. Everytime when i was pissed after he has a string of late nights, he would try to pacify me. But few days later, he would do it again, & again, & again ...

The last straw came during the CNY. After staying home every single night for the past 6 months, i had a night out with my sis (who lives in Aust) & BIL. Sensing I may be gg out, husband was unhappy even b4 i left hse ... kept emphasising he's only gg for a QUICK DINNER, something which i haven't heard of! B4 this, all his so-called "dinner" easily ended way passed 3-4am. Anyway, while i was having supper with sis & BIL at 12.30am, he started harassing me with calls (5 calls within 20 mins!), yelling abuses at me etc over the phone. When i went home at 1.35am, he acted like some insane men yakking non-stop & insisting that i sign on his "divorce paper" which is just a piece of A4 paper with some scribbling!! He went on his wayang show, waking my girl up & won't let her sleep, trying to ransack my bag etc. The following day i learn from my sis that he called my BIL at 2.30am hauling abuses & ridiculous accusations at him (trying to break up our family etc) for a good half hour! I told myself "That's it! No more craps from this man, i want him out of my life!"

I used his past violent records as ground for unreasonable behaviour. 3 yrs ago he assualted me during an arguement when i was 4 months pregnant, i made a police report & went to a doctor to have my injuries documented. A year ago during a late night agruement, he threatened to jump from the window, shoved, pushed & slapped me. It was so bad that neighbours alert the police. Now i'm using all these plus his frequent late nights as reasons building up to my decision to have a dicvorce.

My question now is: Am i being too harsh & impulsive in filing divorce?
 

michy_wong

New Member
TamLex, of course you are not harsh and impulsive. No matter what, a man should not lay hands on his wife, esp when she's pregnant! Period!
 
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pollish

Guest
Hi Tamlex, you're not harsh or implusive, especially if you've been bearing his abuse for a while already. Think the guy needs psychiatric help. He's a complete paranoic, from his behaviour over the abusive phonecalls.

Physical abuse is a definite no-no. No one should tolerate that. Even as a guy, I would never allow my wife to hit me, irregardless of the issue.

If he's never been on therapy, suggest it to him. Even if you intend to go ahead with the divorce.
 
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tamlex

Guest
Tks Michelle & pollish,

i've finalised my Affidavit yesterday ... in fact he has exhibited signs of violence during our 8-years courtship whenever we had heated arguement. He would leave bruises on my arms etc while trying to restrain me when i tried to walk away. Now i regretted not heeding my mum's advise when she disapproved our marriage, she's not aware of his occasional violent disposition but juz felt that i deserve someone better.

i'm not the only one finding his train of thoughts "strange" ... but sugguest therapy & i'm sure he'll think i'm the nut case.

Now i gotta brace myself for his reaction & likely contest on some (if not all) of the terms in my divorce petition. He comes from a wealthy family & can afford long legal battle, but not me :"( I can only pray that his conscience will make him spare me & my bb further agony.
 

michy_wong

New Member
so sad to hear abt wat u're going thru. sometimes i feel dat it's really tuff for women going thru divorce esp in circumstances like urs. think u need to go thru 3 yrs' separation before u get ur decree nisi absolute ya?

i mean it's gd to get it over and done wif soon. but because there's a need to go thru separation and contests (if necessary), there's just so much to go thru before breaking free...

So i hope u'll be strong. it'll be gd to tell ur family abt it so dat they will give u the mental support u need.
 
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tamlex

Guest
We're married for 4 yrs so no need to file for seperation. I've filed the divorce basing on ground of unreasonable behaviour. Thanks to the police & medical i filed in 2002, which lend credibility to my story.

To be honest, its his frequent late nights that i find unbearable, afterall he hasn't repeat his phyiscal aggression for more than a yr.
 
T

tamlex

Guest
i'm not the sort who needs alot of attention from husband ... felt betrayed more than anything. What good can come out of a marriage if the husband is always in the company of china nightclub girls? He may hv one or a string of china g/f already ... juz the thought of it makes me feel disgusted.
 

michy_wong

New Member
ok lah... since u've already made a decision, just move on. things will only get better. no worries.
happy.gif
 
S

sia gal

Guest
Sometimes I just feel that Singapore gals spoilt the market here. Nowadays, women act so classic and think so highly... like must get 5 or more Cs and good looking husband, then can tell the whole world how great about their husband. I hope all the gals here, please dont think so much about all the Cs because I am very sure that life is fated, accept it and dont force yourself to wear a big sock or hat that dont fit you.
 
L

low_morale

Guest
Need some advice...
My husband contributes 1/4 of his pay to our joint assets while I contribute 3/4 of mine.
However, because he earns more than I do, the amount that he contributes is more than what I give in the end.
Because of this, in all our fights, he always uses this to threaten ("you speak back some more, we transfer the house to my name ONLY") or insult me. ("you earn so little, so what work do you have to do?")
Despite the little pay that I draw, my job requires me to work from 7am to 8pm 6 days a week. When I rush home, I cook, wash the house and car etc etc... and if I ask for help (eg. I am so tired today, can we buy take-away?), a quarrel always erupts and concludes with "you earn so little, so shut up"
I am stressed... What should I do...
 

michy_wong

New Member
i think ur hubby has an ego problem. i always feel that the man should share in the responsibility of maintaining a household, not just leave it to the woman. if ur hubby dun wanna eat take-away, so be it. u eat urself lor. it's not as though u dowan to feed him, he chose to starve himself if he doesn't wanna eat take-away.
 
D

dead heart

Guest
Hi, I am new here and urgently needed some advice.
I wanted to file for a divorce. I hv been married for 7 yrs with no kid. My husband, whom I had know for 10 yrs, had changed 1 yr ago. He gambled and chalked up debts of > $30K. Worst still, he has not been talking to me at all. As a result, I filed for a separation in Aug 05. Recently he was arrested for consumption and possession of drugs, he will be sentenced to jail for up to 4 yrs. I am thinking for filing for divorce based on unreasonable behaviour now cos no point waiting for 3 yrs of separation. I hv 2 concerns.
1) We have a HDB flat (passed 5 yrs min occupation period). Should i sell it before the divorce in order to simplify matters?

2) My husband has outstanding debts with various banks. If he is made a bankrupt, will it be very difficult to sell the flat? Moreover, he would be in jail soon.
 
H

helping

Guest
Hi Dead Heart,

Your case is a little more complicated.

On your qn 1, I wld think that you need him to agree to selling the flat. Personally I think selling your flat before the divorce may make matters simplier.

On your qn 2, you need to seek Official Assignee's consent to sell the flat if one party is a bankrupt.

With regards to the imprisonment, suggest you email to HDB to check how the sale of the flat can be proceeded.

Take care.
 

aos1992

New Member
chipie:
To file for separation, no need wait for 3 years, u can do it immediately. but if u do this, you need to wait at least 3 yrs b4 you can file for divorce if both of you agrees, if not you have to file for separation for 4 years.

To get immediate divorce, there are only a few reasons one can give:

1. Adultery ( need proof or 1 party admits )
2. Unreasonable behaviour ( need proof )
3. 3 or 4 yrs separation

otherwise you can try for annulment.

if you need a good lawyer let me know.. i knew of a gd one.. but try to savalge your marriage rather than choosing to divorce..
 

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