I am currently stuck with a sore point on the HDB flat. My husband wants our matrimonial flat to be transferred to him, which I am more than willing. Problem is he cannot afford the money to be refunded back into my CPF.
Basically, we bought our 4 room flat for $365K. We both paid about $80K each and the outstanding loan is $240K. With his current amount of savings, he cannot afford to cough out $80K into my CPF account.
Another alternative is to sell our flat and then he buys another resale, maybe smaller 3rm HDB flat. The concerns are that:-
1. He cannot buy an HDB property of his own yet as he is not 35 until early 2010.
2. Even if he were to buy a resale flat eventually, he thinks there will still be a high cash up front component.
And we might not be able to get a good price on our 4 room flat now in view of the recession starting to bite so he'll still be in quite a bit of debt.
Things have been very cold and tense here as I am still living in the matrimonial flat, albeit in the spare room.
We just had a huge argument over this. I was doing some research on the HDB website and talking to him about how much the recent resale prices were. When I asked him what his thoughts were, he couldn't tell me what he wanted. Just said divorce and sell the property lah, since you are so keen to get out.
He said I have it real easy, I will just move overseas and pursue my new life while he is still stuck in this shit not knowing what he wants out of life.
The reason he wanted the flat was because it's a shelter for him, an escape. Without it, his father will pressure him to move back with him and his step family. My husband said he'd probably either go mad or commit suicide.
He also told me he will be the one to face all the suanning from his stepmother blah blah blah.(She hates him and he's spent his whole life spiting her and proving his achievements to her).
I think in his head he has accepted that it is better to part in an unhappy union than drag things out. But in the heart, I think he's still in denial.
Have anyone gone through this before? When we saw the lawyers last week, we all agreed it was best to part amicably. But now I think we have taken a step back again. Is this the so called 5 stages of dealing with grief? Is this the anger stage?
I am really trying to make it all as amicable as possible. I have a few questions:-
1. According to my lawyers, if he wants to take over my share of the flat, he has to fully pay up my CPF.
Is there absolutely no way around this? Am I not in a position to forgive part of this debt as it relates to my CPF?
2. How easy is it to secure a bank loan for property in these times? He will be 35 in 2 years, holds a stable job in the civil service. Does anyone have any idea of the current interest rates?
3. How long does it take for a person to fully accept that a divorce is inevitable and to work towards achieving an amicable settlement?
4. Should I move out of my matrimonial flat? I feel very stifled here to see his face everyday and vice versa. I would like us to be friends after a divorce but I feel that every day I stay here will eat away at whatever goodwill's left.
I can't stay at my parents because I've lived away for so long and simply can't move back. Besides, they side with my husband so it will be even more pressurising for me to live with them as they have been trying to psycho and nag me into saving the marriage.