i was seething with anger today because my two year old boy been saying weird stuff like "forget grandma" (my mom) or "mom cannot come" (me) after I allowed my ex-MIL to come into contact with him for three days when they visit.
i truly believed my marriage cracked up because of IN LAWS - yup, totally evil in the sense that by breaking up my family, the MIL and FIL are no better than any of the home wreckers around. Except instead of being cloaked in the guise of sexuality (usually in the case of third parties) - they come in praying religiously in the eyes of men but minds completely ill intent.
that - is even more dangerous than the outrightly bad. because evil is guised in a smile.
OK - so i was grumbling because for some women, pregnancy can really take a toll on your health. not so much the direct effects of child bearing but the strenous efforts, time and energy in child rearing. especially since my separated HB was "lured" by the parents in laws to his home country when BB is 6 mths. and the rest is history...
BB is now 2 yrs and i have moved on completely - i find it hard to ever forget what he did. by succumbing to MIL and FIL intentions and ignoring my pleas and situation.
even to the point of even quarreling with me when BB was hospitalized -
worried sick and still had to cope with a "mentally and emotionally" mislead HB...
long story short - vivlim - though my case is not as serious. i think you still have hope.
stay calm and think. ask yourself -
Do you want all THREE kids?
Like you mention, you have not seen your youngest for 5 months -
During the 5 months was he/she well taken care of? Happy? if so, then you might want to consider taking a partial draw.
ie. your HB taking custody of the youngest and you the first two.
Financially - can you afford to give all three kids a good life if you get custody?
Don't worry, if the court decides to let you have custody, your HB will have to pay child support and his income will be assessed by court.
You will have the backing of family court. it also will show whether he is magnanimous enough to put aside his differences and provide for his kids.
You still have your family and yourself.
How can it be over until you yourself think so? Often, the battle is predetermined in our minds. if we think we will fail, most likely we might.
But if we forge ahead with hope, there is always a glimmer of hope -
You are only 26, give and take a couple of years, you will have decades ahead of you.
Don't waste it being upset -
Make full use of it by taking control of your life today and now!
Finally, be calm, don't show fear. Ok, (sorry guys
but I realized.
Through my dealings with my ex-HB, some men at work, the ego thing only works for bullies when they sense fear.
It gives them encouragement to continue because they see you are scared and afraid to lose.
Once you overcome the "FEAR FACTOR" so to speak, and have nothing to fear or lose but fear itself (quote teddy roosevelt), victory is yours.
Better still, if you have a religion or belief to back your spiritual up, it gives you strength and peace of mind. Also exercise program - this I admit, is still not my strong suit yet.
But like preparing for battle, you have only lost the battle because we were not prepared -
Not prepared because we were young when we married them -
Not prepared because we were naive and believed in love -
Not prepared because MIL and FIL have eaten "more salt than we have eaten rice" - "ginger is hotter when older"
Not prepared because we are unable to think rationally because of the kid(s) involved -
So the key now is - to BE PREPARED (i remembered long time ago in girl guides it was told...)
So, we need to be prepared for what's ahead, stay calm and be strategic.
Sometimes we cannot have it all but do know what you want so you can drop the fear -
Like technically, MIL/FIL were my nightmares, so figuratively, i don't stand much of a chance if they come for my HB (because they were the ones who brought him up, they will know which hot buttons to press to convince him) -
So i told myself, HB or son -
Of course, the answer was needless, I would give up HB anyday anytime to keep my son -
I weighed my pros and cons - my chances of gaining custody of my son is almost much stronger anyday. because i had taken care of all his needs and am the stronger provider, financially, physically and track record - proven to be more emotionally stable and steadfast compared to my ex.
So technically, I shouldn't worry so much. Just focused on my son and life now -
Though am always distracted and worry needlessly when MIL start to wayang around again. its a distraction that i should learn to cope and contain. Though I still support my son interaction with his dad (within safe and reasonable conditions) because its only fair not to put the kid in the middle of the struggle.
Am disappointed MIL (at her age and pious exterior) still does not truly understand this.
Sorry long posting - need to vent.
viv - take care and God bless you.