Support group - Divorce

[big_apple]

Hi Tubby, what Divorcee say is right, there is no "standard" cooling off period. Now that u learnt your painful and expensive lesson in love and marriage, take your time to know, understand and evaluate the next suitable one. The only "danger" i can advise u is: beware of "emotional technical rebound", i.e. a strong desire to be loved or fall in love again. This normally means that the next guy tat comes along wld appear to be the "perfect" one. Time is the only way to tell a person's attitude and commitment to u n the marriage. Don't rush into marriage and make the same mistake twice. Best Wishes

Hi think twice, why hold on to something just because of "face"? Or are u just mentally punishing yourself for what u hav done for leaving your ex-husband? We all cannot go back and undo what was done in the past, but if we put our mind to it, we all could certainly work to have a better future. The choice is really yours to make. Good Luck.

 

[big_apple]

Hi Tubby, what Divorcee say is right, there is no "standard" cooling off period. Now that u learnt your painful and expensive lesson in love and marriage, take your time to know, understand and evaluate the next suitable one. The only "danger" i can advise u is: beware of "emotional technical rebound", i.e. a strong desire to be loved or fall in love again. This normally means that the next guy tat comes along wld appear to be the "perfect" one. Time is the only way to tell a person's attitude and commitment to u n the marriage. Don't rush into marriage and make the same mistake twice. Best Wishes

Hi think twice, why hold on to something just because of "face"? Or are u just mentally punishing yourself for what u hav done for leaving your ex-husband? We all cannot go back and undo what was done in the past, but if we put our mind to it, we all could certainly work to have a better future. The choice is really yours to make. Good Luck.

 

[lake]

hi think twice,

what big apple said is correct. what is more impt? Ur face value or happiness? U oredi said he is a Devil, how can u carry on ur life wf a devil?

Stresses fr. frds/relatives is unavoidable.It is just temporary. sometx,u'll be able to recognise true frds & relatives by going thru this. If ur frds r understanding,they'll trust ur judgment,and support,encourage u,then pressurizing u..get what i mean?

Go ahead wf ur decision, go for short holidays.It's time for u to start afresh.

 

[lake]

hi think twice,

what big apple said is correct. what is more impt? Ur face value or happiness? U oredi said he is a Devil, how can u carry on ur life wf a devil?

Stresses fr. frds/relatives is unavoidable.It is just temporary. sometx,u'll be able to recognise true frds & relatives by going thru this. If ur frds r understanding,they'll trust ur judgment,and support,encourage u,then pressurizing u..get what i mean?

Go ahead wf ur decision, go for short holidays.It's time for u to start afresh.

 

[chip]

Is your 'face' worth a life time of suffering under him?

 

[chip]

Is your 'face' worth a life time of suffering under him?

 

[divorcee]

I understand how u felt. I only paktor with my present hubby for a year and married.My first marriage ended 7 yrs ago. My parents and grandparents did ask me if I was sure as I cant afford to fail again. very no face. (maybe that is how u are feeling) BUT since your present hubby treats you so badly, pls do not hesitate and suffer like that! You can still lead a new life. better than nvr!! Nowadays Divorce rate is so high, Im not encouraging you to treat marriage lightly but if you have tried your best, stil treated badly, then picked yourselves up and CHOOSE TO LIVE a happier lief without ur hubby. NOthing to be ashame or no face abt. Your life is more impt and we only live ONCE!

 

[divorcee]

I understand how u felt. I only paktor with my present hubby for a year and married.My first marriage ended 7 yrs ago. My parents and grandparents did ask me if I was sure as I cant afford to fail again. very no face. (maybe that is how u are feeling) BUT since your present hubby treats you so badly, pls do not hesitate and suffer like that! You can still lead a new life. better than nvr!! Nowadays Divorce rate is so high, Im not encouraging you to treat marriage lightly but if you have tried your best, stil treated badly, then picked yourselves up and CHOOSE TO LIVE a happier lief without ur hubby. NOthing to be ashame or no face abt. Your life is more impt and we only live ONCE!

 

[enn]

Hi think twice,
If they r really ur frens that care abt u, they will help n support u to go thru if u thinking of divorce.

 

[enn]

Hi think twice,
If they r really ur frens that care abt u, they will help n support u to go thru if u thinking of divorce.

 

[think twice]

i am crazy.. i know wat i should plan..thank to everyone here

 

[think twice]

i am crazy.. i know wat i should plan..thank to everyone here

 

[garyc]

Hi I am looking for a lawyer to proceed with my divorce... My marriage is beyond hope.... can someone please recommend me a good lawyer who is not so expensive....

please email me at [email protected]

 

[garyc]

Hi I am looking for a lawyer to proceed with my divorce... My marriage is beyond hope.... can someone please recommend me a good lawyer who is not so expensive....

please email me at [email protected]

 

[vone]

hi gary,
i m sorry 2 hear of ur problems.

r u sure it's d rite thing 2 do?? divorce is kinda of painful u noe. hv u tried talking 2 ur wife??

 

[vone]

hi gary,
i m sorry 2 hear of ur problems.

r u sure it's d rite thing 2 do?? divorce is kinda of painful u noe. hv u tried talking 2 ur wife??

 

[bluzbluz]

Hi All

I will soon join you all too.

I need help too, can anyone tell me do I need a lawyer if my FH is filing for divorce. Is there any differecne in who is initiating divorce?
What if I am found unfaithful?

Please email me [email protected]

 

[crayon2512]

Hi
Does any of you own a fully-renovated flat (less than 5yrs)and you are filing for separation/divorce?
Please advise me as I am not sure whether to stay separated for 5yrs or sell it back to the HDB at cost price?

I am really confused.

 

[crayon2512]

Hi
Does any of you own a fully-renovated flat (less than 5yrs)and you are filing for separation/divorce?
Please advise me as I am not sure whether to stay separated for 5yrs or sell it back to the HDB at cost price?

I am really confused.

 

[lonesome_man]

how old your flat crayon? I think I am like your situation.

 

[lonesome_man]

how old your flat crayon? I think I am like your situation.

 

[crayon2512]

Hi,
My flat is abt 1yrs only. Its seems that i really dun know what to do with it. Not sure if HDB allows us to rent the house while we go for separation. If the HDB doesnt allow us to rent out, surrender the flat back to them. Would they pay us back the original purchase price and with any renovation compensation? If not we will need to fork out a lot of $$.

How about ur case?

 

[crayon2512]

Hi,
My flat is abt 1yrs only. Its seems that i really dun know what to do with it. Not sure if HDB allows us to rent the house while we go for separation. If the HDB doesnt allow us to rent out, surrender the flat back to them. Would they pay us back the original purchase price and with any renovation compensation? If not we will need to fork out a lot of $$.

How about ur case?

 

[me_no_expert]

Hi Crayon2512,

I think the best is to call HDB to check and discuss the approach. I know that if you surrender ur flat before 5 yrs occupation period, u get either 90% of purchase price or open market value whichever is lower. There is probably no way u can make profit out of this.

 

[me_no_expert]

Hi Crayon2512,

I think the best is to call HDB to check and discuss the approach. I know that if you surrender ur flat before 5 yrs occupation period, u get either 90% of purchase price or open market value whichever is lower. There is probably no way u can make profit out of this.

 

[helping hand]

Its the other way round. If you surrender back to HDB, you will get back with your purchase price or 90% of the open mkt value which ever is lower. You will lose some cpf on the interest and insurance.

As for the reno, you will not get a single cent back. not too sure if they will allow you to rent out ur flat based on separation reasons which I doubt so.

Ask urself: If you wana wait for the hse to be able to resell in open mkt ie 4 yrs-> Are you willing to wait for 4 yrs? Anything can happen, he or you may meet someone along the way and plans to remarry?

My hubby was in the same situation when he filed for annulment and his flat was surrendered after 3yrs+ with his ex wife.. 30k on reno is like pouring down the drain.. the HDB officer did offer them to make an appeal on case by case basis to sell before the 5 yrs.. maybe you would like to chk with your area's HDB officer.

 

[helping hand]

Its the other way round. If you surrender back to HDB, you will get back with your purchase price or 90% of the open mkt value which ever is lower. You will lose some cpf on the interest and insurance.

As for the reno, you will not get a single cent back. not too sure if they will allow you to rent out ur flat based on separation reasons which I doubt so.

Ask urself: If you wana wait for the hse to be able to resell in open mkt ie 4 yrs-> Are you willing to wait for 4 yrs? Anything can happen, he or you may meet someone along the way and plans to remarry?

My hubby was in the same situation when he filed for annulment and his flat was surrendered after 3yrs+ with his ex wife.. 30k on reno is like pouring down the drain.. the HDB officer did offer them to make an appeal on case by case basis to sell before the 5 yrs.. maybe you would like to chk with your area's HDB officer.

 

[crayon2512]

Hi ,
I have called them up. They will not allow us to rent out the flat when we are processing the separation/divorce. Only return 90% of the open market value or the purchase price whichever is lower. Renovation cost go down the drain.
HDB dun do case by case basis since we buy directly from them.

Hi Helping hand,
Can i know how did your hubby and the ex settle the 30k renov? Did she repay him?
I heard that in Singapore , couple had to sign for separation 3yrs- compulsory regardless whether u are together for more than 3yrs. I am not sure if i can afford to wait for 7 yrs before settling down.

Its like there is no option out.

 

[crayon2512]

Hi ,
I have called them up. They will not allow us to rent out the flat when we are processing the separation/divorce. Only return 90% of the open market value or the purchase price whichever is lower. Renovation cost go down the drain.
HDB dun do case by case basis since we buy directly from them.

Hi Helping hand,
Can i know how did your hubby and the ex settle the 30k renov? Did she repay him?
I heard that in Singapore , couple had to sign for separation 3yrs- compulsory regardless whether u are together for more than 3yrs. I am not sure if i can afford to wait for 7 yrs before settling down.

Its like there is no option out.

 

[helping hand]

Hi Crayon, they split half half. It was paid when they were stil together.

Have you consult a lawyer? How many yrs have you been married? If both are agreeable, you may like to seek for an annulment instead of which you need not apply for separation. Many couples nowadays apply for annulment-non consummation of marriage as reason which reverts back ur status to single.

If both parties die die say have not consummate marriage,who will revoke it?

If annulment is not an option to u, there are several ways to get a divorce:-
a)adultery b)unreasonable behaviour
c)desertion > 2 yrs d) 3 yrs separation if both parties agree e) 4 yrs separation if only one party agree.

Separation can be backdated too if both parties agree.(eg married for 5 yrs, now we can both agree that we separated since 3 yrs ago and has fulfil the 3 years separation, then the divorce will be almost immediate)

I advice you to seek legal advice if you have not,on ur divorce.

 

[helping hand]

Hi Crayon, they split half half. It was paid when they were stil together.

Have you consult a lawyer? How many yrs have you been married? If both are agreeable, you may like to seek for an annulment instead of which you need not apply for separation. Many couples nowadays apply for annulment-non consummation of marriage as reason which reverts back ur status to single.

If both parties die die say have not consummate marriage,who will revoke it?

If annulment is not an option to u, there are several ways to get a divorce:-
a)adultery b)unreasonable behaviour
c)desertion > 2 yrs d) 3 yrs separation if both parties agree e) 4 yrs separation if only one party agree.

Separation can be backdated too if both parties agree.(eg married for 5 yrs, now we can both agree that we separated since 3 yrs ago and has fulfil the 3 years separation, then the divorce will be almost immediate)

I advice you to seek legal advice if you have not,on ur divorce.

 

[helping hand]

You may like to refer to the link for more information:-

http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_marriage.htm#8

 

[helping hand]

You may like to refer to the link for more information:-

http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/principles/FAQ_marriage.htm#8

 

[crayon2512]

Hi helping hand,
I dun tink we can file for annulment since we have ROM for 3yrs+. Moved into house abt 8 mths ago. Before that, stay 6mths wif inlaws.

Had checked with HDB is tat if I had a divorce now..my flat is less than 5yrs..they wil want me to surrender it back. I think most probably will opt to go for the separation and hold the flat till its 5yrs old. Meanwhile, we will get the lawyer to file the necessary terms & conditions we must both agree on during separation such as o interference of each other matters, no backing out of the 5yrs wait etc.

That way both of us would not have to shoulder the financial burden so badly.(~50k CPF and Reno)

Thanks for your help. Appreciate it.

 

[crayon2512]

Hi helping hand,
I dun tink we can file for annulment since we have ROM for 3yrs+. Moved into house abt 8 mths ago. Before that, stay 6mths wif inlaws.

Had checked with HDB is tat if I had a divorce now..my flat is less than 5yrs..they wil want me to surrender it back. I think most probably will opt to go for the separation and hold the flat till its 5yrs old. Meanwhile, we will get the lawyer to file the necessary terms & conditions we must both agree on during separation such as o interference of each other matters, no backing out of the 5yrs wait etc.

That way both of us would not have to shoulder the financial burden so badly.(~50k CPF and Reno)

Thanks for your help. Appreciate it.

 

[helping hand]

Maybe you can try to talk to ur lawyer..Annulment might work, lawyers know how to get ard it one.No one can prove where you stay and for how long, ur flat is new,i think got good chance. Can say have not move in.

As for dragging to wait for mature is not that worth while, pls calculate what you will gain and lose.

5 yrs later u not sure of the mkt, like now? ver bad..

5 yrs calculate how much interest you will have to pay thru CPF for HDB, its quite a lot too! The emotional stress to stay married for the hse! 5 yrs very long leh..

Annul, take back ur status, surrender, next time can apply as a first timer.. My hubby's flat aldy 31/2 yrs also dun wan to wait!

Think carefully!!

 

[helping hand]

Maybe you can try to talk to ur lawyer..Annulment might work, lawyers know how to get ard it one.No one can prove where you stay and for how long, ur flat is new,i think got good chance. Can say have not move in.

As for dragging to wait for mature is not that worth while, pls calculate what you will gain and lose.

5 yrs later u not sure of the mkt, like now? ver bad..

5 yrs calculate how much interest you will have to pay thru CPF for HDB, its quite a lot too! The emotional stress to stay married for the hse! 5 yrs very long leh..

Annul, take back ur status, surrender, next time can apply as a first timer.. My hubby's flat aldy 31/2 yrs also dun wan to wait!

Think carefully!!

 

[same_boat]

MIA 2 yrs? where he gone? what happen leh? how old your husband?

 

[same_boat]

MIA 2 yrs? where he gone? what happen leh? how old your husband?

 

[same_boat]

So true that going for a divorce is a long journey? 3 years seperation and the 4 year consider you are free? I think not, right? Anyone gone through it?

My friend did and she kill herself so many times even she is the one who wanted the divorce, not because of her husband adultry, but cannot get along?

I wanted it, but sometimes I see people sharing their experiences here, I can imagine how they felt. I would rather thrice consider before going for it.

 

[same_boat]

So true that going for a divorce is a long journey? 3 years seperation and the 4 year consider you are free? I think not, right? Anyone gone through it?

My friend did and she kill herself so many times even she is the one who wanted the divorce, not because of her husband adultry, but cannot get along?

I wanted it, but sometimes I see people sharing their experiences here, I can imagine how they felt. I would rather thrice consider before going for it.

 

[strong_boat]

same_boat

It's very true, going through a divorce is a long long journey... lawyers, attending court hearing, signing of all sorts of paper, attending counselling, pain, sorrow, tears, nightmare (sometimes), all money matters, families, friends, relatives, house, children, changes in lifestyle (worst) time and age wasting, etc etc etc

I going through it with my wife now for just few months only... Since she's the one initiated it, she suffered most... but, at least I tried my best to recon with her.

Don't think so much, just move on with life. Be successful in life and earn as much as possible to show everyone you CAN in life! Never say goodbye if you never try in life!

 

[strong_boat]

same_boat

It's very true, going through a divorce is a long long journey... lawyers, attending court hearing, signing of all sorts of paper, attending counselling, pain, sorrow, tears, nightmare (sometimes), all money matters, families, friends, relatives, house, children, changes in lifestyle (worst) time and age wasting, etc etc etc

I going through it with my wife now for just few months only... Since she's the one initiated it, she suffered most... but, at least I tried my best to recon with her.

Don't think so much, just move on with life. Be successful in life and earn as much as possible to show everyone you CAN in life! Never say goodbye if you never try in life!

 

[xi lang kia]

wah lau commit suicide is the most silly acts. cannot imagine in this world still got this type of silly ppls. what r they trying to prove, brave? i dont think so. but pulling through & get going the life is consider brave.....

 

[xi lang kia]

wah lau commit suicide is the most silly acts. cannot imagine in this world still got this type of silly ppls. what r they trying to prove, brave? i dont think so. but pulling through & get going the life is consider brave.....

 

[fear]

My hubby was a very caring and loving man. I knew him for 5 years and got married last year in June.

NOW: My hubby has changed into a real monster!!! He lay his hands on me!!! I am very scared, very very scared!!! I called police and reported it afew times, but seem like police take no action!!! It's just like a verbal warning to him only!!!

I moved everything out to my parents place and he can turned up at my parents place in the middle of the night to look for me!!!! At that moment, he wakes up my whole family and my parents told him to talk things the next day.

We do talk things out the next day... he told me he will change. I forgiven him and buried all the sorrows, but only few days down the road when I moved in again, he became the monster again. He lays his hands on me again and even harder!!!

My parents told me to move out and stay with them back and allow my hubby to cool down longer. During this time, he do call me up and apologise...

He came from a well-to-do family and he's a General Manager. He used to be home early and spend alot of time with me during the weekend.

How I wish that it's only quarrels, but didn't expect that he will bang me up!!! If only quarrels, we can still discuss and work things out perfectly, but it seem like it's totally hopeless... I cannot concentrate during my work and my colleague and friends told me earlier to leave him as he's not a man. Now I think a real man will never lay hands on a woman no matter what?

I have decided to divorce him, but I am very worried that he will kill me or disturb my whole family. What can I do at this point? I hope to hear from you. I am 28 and he is 35.

 

[fear]

My hubby was a very caring and loving man. I knew him for 5 years and got married last year in June.

NOW: My hubby has changed into a real monster!!! He lay his hands on me!!! I am very scared, very very scared!!! I called police and reported it afew times, but seem like police take no action!!! It's just like a verbal warning to him only!!!

I moved everything out to my parents place and he can turned up at my parents place in the middle of the night to look for me!!!! At that moment, he wakes up my whole family and my parents told him to talk things the next day.

We do talk things out the next day... he told me he will change. I forgiven him and buried all the sorrows, but only few days down the road when I moved in again, he became the monster again. He lays his hands on me again and even harder!!!

My parents told me to move out and stay with them back and allow my hubby to cool down longer. During this time, he do call me up and apologise...

He came from a well-to-do family and he's a General Manager. He used to be home early and spend alot of time with me during the weekend.

How I wish that it's only quarrels, but didn't expect that he will bang me up!!! If only quarrels, we can still discuss and work things out perfectly, but it seem like it's totally hopeless... I cannot concentrate during my work and my colleague and friends told me earlier to leave him as he's not a man. Now I think a real man will never lay hands on a woman no matter what?

I have decided to divorce him, but I am very worried that he will kill me or disturb my whole family. What can I do at this point? I hope to hear from you. I am 28 and he is 35.

 

[xi lang kia]

Hi fear

Go & get a PPO

 

[xi lang kia]

Hi fear

Go & get a PPO

 

[maneater]

Hi fear

You better go get a PPO to protect yourself first and if he ever lay his hands on you again DO press charges on him.

Some men just never keep their promises and never change.

They only think for themselves...do not hesitate further to get a PPO asap and stop this worrying once and for all.

Maybe go counselling and see if this helpful, otherwise, the next step is to divorce, since you are still young and without any children yet.

It will be more painful to carrying on your life with such a man if you have children to consider.

Better to break free now and move on.