dead_heart
New Member
meng, u very bad leh!!!!
Support group - Divorce
- Thread starter sad
- Start date
dead_heart
New Member
Adrian, u took a $30k grant when u purchase the resale flat is it? If yes, then gotto live for 5yrs. Oni those who purchase w/o any subsidy can sell after 2.5yrs.....
Meng, i almost fall down my chair after reading the last line of ur post. i guess u must be longing to do tat for very long loh.... but u very jialat, in dreams, can still 'beat' ur wife's eye until blue black.
Meng, i almost fall down my chair after reading the last line of ur post. i guess u must be longing to do tat for very long loh.... but u very jialat, in dreams, can still 'beat' ur wife's eye until blue black.
dogtag73
Active Member
heart : i feel bad also...but i dont believe in family violence to solve problems. Although women always believe nan nu ping deng (meaning whatever man and woman is equal)...which i think is quite debatable about that.
I can piggyback my wife to and for from my carpark to my flat...but once is her turn to do it. She kpkb before i even lap on her back...wahkaoz. When i told her about the equally thing...she would ask me go wear skirt for complaining. simi lai eh...
Adrian Tan : sorry about that, in real life i am in fact a very very serious man...no joke hahaha
I can piggyback my wife to and for from my carpark to my flat...but once is her turn to do it. She kpkb before i even lap on her back...wahkaoz. When i told her about the equally thing...she would ask me go wear skirt for complaining. simi lai eh...
Adrian Tan : sorry about that, in real life i am in fact a very very serious man...no joke hahaha
dead_heart
New Member
meng, are you sure your wife can piggyback you? how heavy are you, 70kg plus rite? i got no strength to piggyback a guy, except for my boy lah
u serious!! in real life.... aiyo, dun make my toes laugh hor
u serious!! in real life.... aiyo, dun make my toes laugh hor
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Adrian, I didn't know you took a housing grant. Anyway, according to the HDB website:
Resale of Matrimonial Flat
- If the divorced owners wish to resell their flat in the open market, they must have completed the minimum occupation period (MOP) for the matrimonial flat as at the date of divorce. If the divorce is within the MOP and none of the owners is eligible to retain the flat, the owners may have to return the flat to HDB, subject to HDB's approval. The compensation for the return of flat will be determined by HDB.
Resale of Matrimonial Flat
- If the divorced owners wish to resell their flat in the open market, they must have completed the minimum occupation period (MOP) for the matrimonial flat as at the date of divorce. If the divorce is within the MOP and none of the owners is eligible to retain the flat, the owners may have to return the flat to HDB, subject to HDB's approval. The compensation for the return of flat will be determined by HDB.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Adrian, if divorce is inevitable, I suggest that you try to do it amicably and avoid complications, this should include keeping her informed in advance that you will commence divorce proceedings. Think no one likes getting a shock of being served a Writ of Divorce all of a sudden.
Hi Dolly
Thanks. I am actually trying to locate a marriage counsellor as my final attempt to salvage. Even though we are on talking terms now, i feel even more transparent and insignificant in front of her.
If this doesn't work out, that's it. I feel like a zombie nowadays. Only my work keeps me distracted from thinking about all these things. And when I don't have work on weekends, it feels so miserable.
Thanks. I am actually trying to locate a marriage counsellor as my final attempt to salvage. Even though we are on talking terms now, i feel even more transparent and insignificant in front of her.
If this doesn't work out, that's it. I feel like a zombie nowadays. Only my work keeps me distracted from thinking about all these things. And when I don't have work on weekends, it feels so miserable.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi RainnQQ
The only ground necessary to file for divorce is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down under any of the five situations:
- Infidelity;
- Desertion;
- Separation for three years;
- Separation for four years; or
- Unreasonable behaviour.
Most divorces, including mine, have cited unreasonable behaviour to prove that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.
The only ground necessary to file for divorce is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down under any of the five situations:
- Infidelity;
- Desertion;
- Separation for three years;
- Separation for four years; or
- Unreasonable behaviour.
Most divorces, including mine, have cited unreasonable behaviour to prove that the marriage has irretrievably broken down.
So glad to find so many people who face similar problems as I do.
For my case, my husband has threatened divorce in Oct 2006 and I was the one who asked him to give the marriage another try. We even went for marriage counselling and the counsellor's solution for us was to give in to each other's wants. And my husband's reaction was 'Why should he give in to me?' So, he stopped going for the counselling sessions.
Then yesterday, he said he's had enough of this marriage and wants to proceed with divorce.
We have a 2 year old child and I have reminded my husband numerous times that whenever either one of us makes any decision, we need to consider our child's interests first.
But, his reason for divorce is because I cannot get along well with his mother (whom on many occasions, called my mum to ask why my husband and I have not get a divorce). His mum told me during my confinement that it's best for us to get a divorce and I return the baby to them.
Till today, my husband still believes that his mum did not say such thing.
I just went back to our matrimonial flat to get some stuff and I discovered that he actually put away our wedding photo and our child's photo! I cried so hard.
And when I asked him why he wanted to get married and then desert me after 3 years, his reply was if he was selfish, he would have gone ahead with the divorce much earlier! I was shocked at his reply. And, now he wants to fight over the custody of our child. It's really a selfish decision.
For my case, my husband has threatened divorce in Oct 2006 and I was the one who asked him to give the marriage another try. We even went for marriage counselling and the counsellor's solution for us was to give in to each other's wants. And my husband's reaction was 'Why should he give in to me?' So, he stopped going for the counselling sessions.
Then yesterday, he said he's had enough of this marriage and wants to proceed with divorce.
We have a 2 year old child and I have reminded my husband numerous times that whenever either one of us makes any decision, we need to consider our child's interests first.
But, his reason for divorce is because I cannot get along well with his mother (whom on many occasions, called my mum to ask why my husband and I have not get a divorce). His mum told me during my confinement that it's best for us to get a divorce and I return the baby to them.
Till today, my husband still believes that his mum did not say such thing.
I just went back to our matrimonial flat to get some stuff and I discovered that he actually put away our wedding photo and our child's photo! I cried so hard.
And when I asked him why he wanted to get married and then desert me after 3 years, his reply was if he was selfish, he would have gone ahead with the divorce much earlier! I was shocked at his reply. And, now he wants to fight over the custody of our child. It's really a selfish decision.
Oh, my husband ever changed lock before and he was so 'nice' to give me a set plus a set for his parents who tried to come into our house when we were away on vacation.
I anticipated that his parents will do that so I asked my friend to put up an additional padlock. They called him and had the cheek to complain that they were unable to come into our house. And, he then threw a huge temper and blamed me for everything.
I anticipated that his parents will do that so I asked my friend to put up an additional padlock. They called him and had the cheek to complain that they were unable to come into our house. And, he then threw a huge temper and blamed me for everything.
Hi All, my husband filed for divorce and wants to sell the flat for the money. He is moving to somewhere else but I have nowhere to go and no money to buy a new place as I am a housewife. I would like to find out how to buy over his share for the flat? Is it such that I have to pay back his CPF and also more in cash if the house value is now more than what we bought it for? Is it 50:50 for each party? If I have no ready cash to buy over his share, can I possibly get a bank loan and pay him? How to do this calculation?
Thanks
Thanks
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi Keke, so sorry...
But I think you need to get a job before you can secure a bank loan. Are there children from the marriage? What is your plan now?
But I think you need to get a job before you can secure a bank loan. Are there children from the marriage? What is your plan now?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi Yuki, I skipped the separation step and went straight for a divorce. But I heard that a DOS costs around $700. Actually, you can go on separation without the DOS, as long as both parties are agreeable to the terms.
Keke, about buying over the flat there are a few possibilities. First, may I know if you have children? Are you 35 years old? Do you have family member who is a citizen or PR and does not already own an HDB flat?
In the meantime, I strongly suggest that you find a job. Any job that can ensure your own subsistence. Or are you expecting to receive alimony from your husband? You need to weigh the pros and cons of a job vs bigger alimony payout.
Keke, about buying over the flat there are a few possibilities. First, may I know if you have children? Are you 35 years old? Do you have family member who is a citizen or PR and does not already own an HDB flat?
In the meantime, I strongly suggest that you find a job. Any job that can ensure your own subsistence. Or are you expecting to receive alimony from your husband? You need to weigh the pros and cons of a job vs bigger alimony payout.
siobhanlee
New Member
A DOS is not needed during a separation. But a DOS is useful if a couple need to resolve issues relating to children, assets and property.
So your husband will be able to file for divorce after 3 years w/out a DOS. He basically needs to show proof that you two have been living a separate life for that period of time. Of course you can choose to contest his claim (since you don't want to end the marriage) but you will also have to show some form of evidence to dispute it. The court will then decide based on the proof submitted to make a decision whether to accept your husband's basis for divorce.
So your husband will be able to file for divorce after 3 years w/out a DOS. He basically needs to show proof that you two have been living a separate life for that period of time. Of course you can choose to contest his claim (since you don't want to end the marriage) but you will also have to show some form of evidence to dispute it. The court will then decide based on the proof submitted to make a decision whether to accept your husband's basis for divorce.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
May, Sony is right. If by the end of the three-year separation, you are still not agreeable to divorce, your husband can wait one more year to make it a four-year separation. A marriage will be automatically dissolved by the end of a separation of four years.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Hi May, I like to suggest also that you take a pragmatic approach by first looking into your subsistence. So, you may like to focus in the current issues on hand first? Are there children from the marriage? If yes, you need to think about child support from him. Are you a housewife? If yes, you need to think of alimony. What about joint properties, how would it be treated?
I don't have to live on him. And its god's blessing tat we do not have a child... otherwise more headaches...
His family now wants me to sell off the flat so that he can use the money to file for divorce and return his father. (anyway it only brings the most 10k cos its resale flat) Can he sell the flat without me consenting? i do not wan to sell now cos i have no where to move to and further more i am in the bankrupt status... selling of the flat means the last money also goes to OA.
Please advise..
His family now wants me to sell off the flat so that he can use the money to file for divorce and return his father. (anyway it only brings the most 10k cos its resale flat) Can he sell the flat without me consenting? i do not wan to sell now cos i have no where to move to and further more i am in the bankrupt status... selling of the flat means the last money also goes to OA.
Please advise..
sgbabydoll
Active Member
May, you two are co-owners of the flat, so, he can't sell the flat without your consent at this moment. However, in the event when the divorce is approved, he can take legal actions to enforce sales if you wilfully refuse to dispose of it.
There are pros and cons in selling the matrimonial flat before commencement of separation or divorce proceedings. But since you are an undischarged bankrupt, I believe there are more pros than cons to delay the sales.
There are pros and cons in selling the matrimonial flat before commencement of separation or divorce proceedings. But since you are an undischarged bankrupt, I believe there are more pros than cons to delay the sales.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
May, if you could just scroll up this thread, you would be able to find the answer in my post dated 29 Jan 2008. But I guess you are feeling too down to even want to move your mouse, so here is the information:
The only ground necessary to file for divorce is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down under any of the five situations:
- Infidelity (immediate);
- Desertion for two consecutive years;
- Separation for three years;
- Separation for four years; or
- Unreasonable behaviour (immediate).
The only ground necessary to file for divorce is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down under any of the five situations:
- Infidelity (immediate);
- Desertion for two consecutive years;
- Separation for three years;
- Separation for four years; or
- Unreasonable behaviour (immediate).
iwantmylife
New Member
Hi, I need advise. I have already filed a divorce and mention claim against my ex base on the ground on adultry and unreasonable behaviour. However he disagree to my application dispite I have already go PI report. My ex has completely MIA and have lock me out of my house after my son and I move out of our place. Will there be any complication if this heartless guy turn around and file against me?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Heartbreak, what can he file against you? Did you do any "wrong" - spousal abuse, infidelity or unreasonable, which can be used against you? If yes, it may not be a bad thing as it may serve to expedite the divorce case, yah? That would be what you want I suppose.
You are paying your lawyer to give you legal advice, right? How about going back to your lawyer further information that you are seeking?
You are paying your lawyer to give you legal advice, right? How about going back to your lawyer further information that you are seeking?
iwantmylife
New Member
My ex sign the disagree form against my divorce proposal, but he did not sign any agree or disagreement on child proposal n property proposal.
I did not do anything wrong. I cannot stand the betrayer, his words and him defending the adultress till this day. My dignity as a woman and as a mother is lost.
Yes I want to expedite the case but the court keep dragging bec the late reply and the time to set the next date submission. After the dateline of 22/35 days will there be an enforce decision by the law?
I did not do anything wrong. I cannot stand the betrayer, his words and him defending the adultress till this day. My dignity as a woman and as a mother is lost.
Yes I want to expedite the case but the court keep dragging bec the late reply and the time to set the next date submission. After the dateline of 22/35 days will there be an enforce decision by the law?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Heartbreak, if he already disagrees with your divorce proposal, I believe he need not address your proposed property and child custody plans. What exactly is he disputing - particulars of claim or the idea of divorce itself?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
May, now that you have made a mental decision to let go and move on, I believe it will take some time for the emotions to catch up with your decision. Time is a much needed commodity here.
iwantmylife
New Member
Thanks at least it means i hv to wait for the counter proposal, extension is given. But I believe he more concern about losing money then son and me. He make empty claim n accusation about me taking valuables. No concern about child at all. I worry my finacial if case is complicated. I want to know 1. if any one experience heartless guy telling lies over the law n whole world n succeeded? 2. Any way to expediate. 3.If no mediation any advice? can PM me if u really know? Empty claim is words against him n me so how to court settle such things?
My advice is when couples are confrontational - there will be wild claims and mostly we will bring out the ugliest in us.
The best is to cool down.. really cool down.. and both have a good talk. Try not to be confrontational.. try not to win for the sake of winning... it may help but of course if one party is hell-bent on being confrontational.. it will be difficult.
Try not to be emotional.. Separate the betrayal and the wrong doing (in your view) from the divorce negotiation. The emotional part you have to deal with it but don't use it.
The best is to cool down.. really cool down.. and both have a good talk. Try not to be confrontational.. try not to win for the sake of winning... it may help but of course if one party is hell-bent on being confrontational.. it will be difficult.
Try not to be emotional.. Separate the betrayal and the wrong doing (in your view) from the divorce negotiation. The emotional part you have to deal with it but don't use it.
iwantmylife
New Member
sm, on the contary to wat u say its not me that don't want to meet up. How much cool u want when u being humilate in the public and still have to keep quite. Talk is useless unless agreement during the talk is keep. My ex is not the kind that keep words or promise. Things promise will be changes to his advantage. I just need advice how bad the situation will be and I want to be mentally prepared. I just want my life back.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"on the contary to wat u say its not me that don't want to meet up."
Doll - You can communicate with him via email, SMS and/or IM.
"How much cool u want when u being humilate in the public and still have to keep quite."
Doll - Remain as cool as much as possible. Yes, you feel hurt but you still need to get things moving if you want your life back.
"Talk is useless unless agreement during the talk is keep."
Doll - Work backwards. Set your sight on things you seek agreement on and plan how you should get it done.
"My ex is not the kind that keep words or promise. Things promise will be changes to his advantage."
Doll - Sure, this is expected, right? If he had been good, you wouldn't even think of divorcing him.
"I just need advice how bad the situation will be and I want to be mentally prepared. I just want my life back"
Doll - Be prepared for the worse but hope and work for the best.
Heartbreak, I did this - setting goals and targets - that had helped me to stay focused. Something like this:
1. Quick divorce within 3-6 months after moving out of matrimonial home; and
2. Dispose of matrimonial flat 12 months after moving out of matrimonial home.
From there, I planned out tactical moves to achieve targets.
It was a logical approach that I took once the mind had been made up about divorce.
Doll - You can communicate with him via email, SMS and/or IM.
"How much cool u want when u being humilate in the public and still have to keep quite."
Doll - Remain as cool as much as possible. Yes, you feel hurt but you still need to get things moving if you want your life back.
"Talk is useless unless agreement during the talk is keep."
Doll - Work backwards. Set your sight on things you seek agreement on and plan how you should get it done.
"My ex is not the kind that keep words or promise. Things promise will be changes to his advantage."
Doll - Sure, this is expected, right? If he had been good, you wouldn't even think of divorcing him.
"I just need advice how bad the situation will be and I want to be mentally prepared. I just want my life back"
Doll - Be prepared for the worse but hope and work for the best.
Heartbreak, I did this - setting goals and targets - that had helped me to stay focused. Something like this:
1. Quick divorce within 3-6 months after moving out of matrimonial home; and
2. Dispose of matrimonial flat 12 months after moving out of matrimonial home.
From there, I planned out tactical moves to achieve targets.
It was a logical approach that I took once the mind had been made up about divorce.
iwantmylife
New Member
Hi Doll thanks for the advice.
I am struggling to stay on focus to move on with my boy and my life, but situation always kicks in make me lost focus.
I see useless to meet up with him as I don't see any honesty on his side to settle the case. Is it encourage to look for him for peaceful settlement dispite ignored or maybe a fight between relatives?
I am struggling to stay on focus to move on with my boy and my life, but situation always kicks in make me lost focus.
I see useless to meet up with him as I don't see any honesty on his side to settle the case. Is it encourage to look for him for peaceful settlement dispite ignored or maybe a fight between relatives?
sgbabydoll
Active Member
"I see useless to meet up with him as I don't see any honesty on his side to settle the case. Is it encourage to look for him for peaceful settlement dispite ignored or maybe a fight between relatives?"
Sorry, I don't get you here...care to explain again?
Sorry, I don't get you here...care to explain again?
iwantmylife
New Member
I see lots of advise in forum, plp advise couple to meet up and settle in peace.
For my case, I know my ex wants to keep the affair with or without me. He also don't want to lose money to pay my child maintance.
His family obviously sides him whether he has done right or wrong. If i approach to meet him up, he will bring unreasonable plp (his relative gang) to speak up for him. He lied everything to them and say I am the one planing for this. All blame on me.
Then inevidently if meet up there will be quarrel endless explaination. So thats why I don't see the need to meet him up.
I am already in the mid of the legal case. Is it advisable to meet him up? I have target like u but lots of obstacles causes the delay. its already 6mths since i have been locked out of my house. I practically run out of tactical ideas except to wait for legal proceeding.
For my case, I know my ex wants to keep the affair with or without me. He also don't want to lose money to pay my child maintance.
His family obviously sides him whether he has done right or wrong. If i approach to meet him up, he will bring unreasonable plp (his relative gang) to speak up for him. He lied everything to them and say I am the one planing for this. All blame on me.
Then inevidently if meet up there will be quarrel endless explaination. So thats why I don't see the need to meet him up.
I am already in the mid of the legal case. Is it advisable to meet him up? I have target like u but lots of obstacles causes the delay. its already 6mths since i have been locked out of my house. I practically run out of tactical ideas except to wait for legal proceeding.
since u are in legal proceeding, then your lawyer should be advising what to do. if meeting up with him will cos problem don't do it. Let both side lawyer settle it instead of meeting up him, and in the end it might create more problem and delay you r court proceedings.
I am curious, since u moved out 6 mths, why u need to go back. If there are good reasons that you have to go back to take your stuff, get your lawyer to arrange with his lawyer.
I am curious, since u moved out 6 mths, why u need to go back. If there are good reasons that you have to go back to take your stuff, get your lawyer to arrange with his lawyer.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Sony has covered the need to talk part.
If you really need access to your home, but provided that you are a legal owner of the property you can:
1. Get a locksmith to open up the locks; or
2. Obtain an court injunction to open up the locks, and stop him from locking you out.
If you really need access to your home, but provided that you are a legal owner of the property you can:
1. Get a locksmith to open up the locks; or
2. Obtain an court injunction to open up the locks, and stop him from locking you out.
Obviously estranged couples don't see eye to eye and will quarrel over the smallest issue.
But sometimes one party (at least we), should look beyond and take a step backwards.
I have also been subjected to humiliation and all sort of different and funny abuses and such. And in the heat of all these, we tend to lose our cool (it is perfectly human) but still I always call for calm.
You know your estranged spouses. Why in the first place we fell in love and get married. There must be some good points and attraction. And now when we need to separate/divorce - why not do it in a less confrontation manner?
Forget about the past. Look forward. Set very small but achievable goal and take them one at a time. Like if you want to go back and take something - work on this. If you are nice to your hb, I don't see any reason why he won't allow you to go back and take your things.
Sometimes, we have to keep our cool. Even if we are boiling and pretend (not really pretend but just don't show it) to be really nice to achieve what we want. Once you have what you want, you can behave in any manner you want.
But sometimes one party (at least we), should look beyond and take a step backwards.
I have also been subjected to humiliation and all sort of different and funny abuses and such. And in the heat of all these, we tend to lose our cool (it is perfectly human) but still I always call for calm.
You know your estranged spouses. Why in the first place we fell in love and get married. There must be some good points and attraction. And now when we need to separate/divorce - why not do it in a less confrontation manner?
Forget about the past. Look forward. Set very small but achievable goal and take them one at a time. Like if you want to go back and take something - work on this. If you are nice to your hb, I don't see any reason why he won't allow you to go back and take your things.
Sometimes, we have to keep our cool. Even if we are boiling and pretend (not really pretend but just don't show it) to be really nice to achieve what we want. Once you have what you want, you can behave in any manner you want.
iwantmylife
New Member
Thanks for the advise. Yes I m the legal owner of the property and i am still paying for the monthly installment.
As for going back, I when back the week after i move out, not recently, and realise I have been logout from my own place, and bulky items I could not move out were missing, which he agreed to leave it as I am the purchaser.I called him and calls were rejected. All I know is him will get his lawyer.
Great pointers from everyone thank you. I didn't get a locksmith because I don't want him to relock and create more unhappyiness.
To answer sm, you might not believe me, I never quarrel with him. I am too shock, upset and numb to be get angry at that time. There is no extra energy to get angry. Imagine kid, parents, friends, financial, work pressure, change of environment, balance emotion, all events drains energy. I lost 10kg in a month. The anger only come after months when I straighten my thoughts.
In addition I don't think i have a very good legal advice. My lawyer is always in a hurry thats why alot of things I am not sure. At least now I know I can get a court injuction.
As for going back, I when back the week after i move out, not recently, and realise I have been logout from my own place, and bulky items I could not move out were missing, which he agreed to leave it as I am the purchaser.I called him and calls were rejected. All I know is him will get his lawyer.
Great pointers from everyone thank you. I didn't get a locksmith because I don't want him to relock and create more unhappyiness.
To answer sm, you might not believe me, I never quarrel with him. I am too shock, upset and numb to be get angry at that time. There is no extra energy to get angry. Imagine kid, parents, friends, financial, work pressure, change of environment, balance emotion, all events drains energy. I lost 10kg in a month. The anger only come after months when I straighten my thoughts.
In addition I don't think i have a very good legal advice. My lawyer is always in a hurry thats why alot of things I am not sure. At least now I know I can get a court injuction.
sgbabydoll
Active Member
Getting a court injunction is costly but at least you know your rights and can choose to or not to exercise it.
iwantmylife
New Member
Thanks Doll, 1 more question, is there anymore online website on singapore legal proceeding on divorce, besides the woman chartered that I can read more about my actual rights?