Support group - Divorce


New Member
'In addition I don't think i have a very good legal advice. My lawyer is always in a hurry thats why alot of things I am not sure.'

you are paying for the service. If he/she can't advice you then stop all payments. You will see whether he is in a hurry or not.

anyway, get a lawyer who can't help you and not someone who are just interest to ask for money only.

I personally know many lawyer who thought they know everything and don't bother to ask the client the facts, but in the end when go to court when issues are raised they blamed the client didn't inform them and the court proceeding was adjourned to a later late. meaning most cost for the client.


Active Member
Heartbreak, The Women's Charter is a law. It's generic and meant to address all kinds of possible situations. For example, it says, men have the responsibility to maintain their ex-wife. But in reality, if you earn more than your ex-husband, it is quite likely that you get a token amount such as $1 per month. By the way, this is a paper value. Don't expect to be paid $12 a year lah. That's why the discretion of the lawyers and Judge will come into play on the law governing separation and divorce.


New Member
I don’t know if I’m posting at the wrong thread, but since this is a support group for divorcees….

We are a group of polytechnic students researching on the topic of divorces for one of our modules.
The aim of the research is to find out how divorcees are being affected as a result of the divorce.
As part of our research, we have to get some data from people (do surveys).
As you know, it’s hard to find divorcees out there on the street – just like searching for a needle in a haystack. Also, family centres would not provide particulars of the divorcees to us too.
Thus, we have no choice but to turn to online forums such as this to seek for people who would help us in doing the surveys.
I really hope that you can help us out…

Please email to [email protected] if you are willing to help us complete the survey or have any enquiries.
Thank you.

PS: Your identity would be kept anonymous and data from the survey would only be used for educational purposes.


New Member
ok ok i do have a question since many of u seem to have ready answers. i registered my marriage 5 mths ago. we do not qualify for any of the annulment criteria, but if we go ahead with a divorce, with the basis of unreasonable behaviour, would i still need a 3 year waiting period?

We have no kids, no customary wedding, his mum refuses to add my name into their flat, it is co-owned under him and his mum, and somehow his mum's sisters added their names in for better GST reliefs, and basically we have absolutely no monetary obligations to each other unless his mom wants me to return the market value of the proposal ring la.I am also willing to reimburse him the deposit for the banquet we had planned before. other than than, thank goodness, i owe him nothing and neither do i want a single cent from him thereafter. can this divorce be fulfilled immediately? any advice is greatly appreciated.


Active Member
Generally, you have to be married for minimally three years to be able to file a divorce on unreasonable behaviour. However, there are exceptional situations such as domestic violence, infidelity, child abuse, or he has to serve jail term, etc. It's important you discuss how to approach your divorce/annulment with a qualified lawyer.


New Member
so essentially we still have to stay married whether or not living together for 3 yrs even if its based on unreasonable behaiour.... i thot immediate...


New Member
Seems like never ending nightmare...just wish to be able to move on... but it's gg to be a long battle.. felt that there's no justice.. why is it that he chose to abondon us and now he can act as if he's the victim..


Active Member

Focus on ending the marriage (if that is a foregone conclusion) and not on whether who is the victim - this is really immaterial.

Yes, there is no justice when it comes to relationship.


New Member
Hi I'm new in this forum. Have been checking the post but this is the first time I'm posting something.

Need advice from the experienced. I'm the plaintiff in my divorce case, my husband counterclaimed. I was willing to go for his counterclaim so that we can settle the divorce amicably. Agreed to even give the care and control of the kids to him though they're very close to me. Even agreed to pay maintenance of the kids. Basically whatever he asked for, I gave in. And now he's asking for more and more and I'm contemplating contesting.

This is my case -
- Married for more than 10 years
- Ever since birth of my first child, he rejected me in bed saying that i lost the shape. He would rather surf porn sites and release himself. Also found out that he went to night club during business trip but he said just go there 'jian shi jian shi' and nothing happened. I believed him
- After the birth of my second child, situation got worse. I didn't even feel that he cared about me nor the kids. porn site continued
- I met my colleague during this period. We become good friend and started to build feelings for each other
- he found out about my relationship with my colleague and threaten to take away the kids from me if I ever ask for divorce. Saying that I'm unfit to be mother due to the adultery.
- Tried for one year and I really can't continue with him.

Above is the background. I filed for divorce siting unreasonable behaviour. He counter claimed siting my relationship with my colleague and also that he had PI report. He also asked for care and control of the kids. We went for mediation and already agreed on all the terms and to proceed with the divorce on his counterclaim but later he started to turn around and disagreeing to those terms. Asked for exorbitant amount of children maintenance which is almost double of what it's really required.

Recently, I also found out that he has been visiting freelance prostitute and put up reviews on forum years back. Unfortunately I have no proof that it was him.

If I contest his terms, how likely that I will be able to get the kids? Considering that he will say I'm the one at fault. But if I get PI report of him visiting prostitute, will that help?

Though I have a busy schedule at work, I make sure I spend quality time with the kids and they are very close to me. I'm also the one who take care of the household chores including groceries shopping etc. My maid also told me before that the only if the kids follow him she doesn't want to work for him. After much talking, she agreed to stay on for the sake of the children and me. She also mentioned to me before that she can be my witness that I'm a better parent.

I actually don't understand why he is allowed to turn around to disagree with terms agreed during mediation. Then what is the mediation for? If the case go contested, can he do the same to court order after hearings? How much will it cost if the divorce go contested. Anyone has experience?


Active Member
Puyi, your case sounds complicated and I don't think any layperson here is apt to advise. It is better that you consult your lawyer and plan your next move. I just thought that for you to agree to his terms for the sake of agreement was not a wise move at all. From now, please exercise more caution and please quickly consult your lawyer on what you can and should do. Alternatively, approach him in private and re-negotiate all terms again.


New Member

need advice.
My husband and myself owns a HDB flat and stays for more than 5yrs now. We have 2 children.
I want to file for DOS because :
1st - he is committing infedility
I only have picture both of them sitting very closely.I can't hire PI because that woman is not in Singapore and my husband not able to go to her country either because I'm holding his passport Unless she secretly comes down without my knowing then I can get PI to track them. But is hard because my husband is very careful ,he hides all his info and he may have a 2nd phone he uses to contact her.
2nd - abusive to me whenever there is heated argument. He hitted me twice but I didn't report police because he is working in SAF hence I don't want him to loose his job afraid may incurr financial problem.But I have witness which is my helper.
There are many more but I feel the above 2 have the strongest ground.
My question is , if I file for DOS but I don't want him to stay in the house. Can I do that ?


Active Member

Very frankly, you can't chase your husband, whom I believe is the co-owner of the property, out of the house just because you want a separation. It is either you move out or you tell him to move out, and hopefully, he obliges your request. Alternatively, both can remain under the same roof but agree to live separate lives.

It is a myth that separation requires DOS. If he doesn't sign his agreement, you would have wasted your money on the legal fees incurred. End of the day, it may not be a wise thing to give him a surprised DOS or divorce application. Tell him your intention and get him to agree on it.

Since you have been married for more than three years, you may consider filing the divorce on unreasonable behaviour for it is far easier and faster to get a divorce approved by Court in this manner. Again, negotiate directly with him on terms of divorce so as to cut out third party costs.

As for being physically abused by him, I don't think an eyewitness account could stand alone. You need medical proof and police report on the incident. But don't take my word as final and go consult a lawyer ASAP.



1) u can't say he is committing infidelity just because the women is sitting beside him.

2) u can't chase him out of the house, but u can apply PPO and he can't get close to you.

u have to be careful to file unreasonable behaviour as a reason for divorce, unless u can prove it. Cos many lawyer, who want to earn your money will filed that reason for u and in the end if the divorce don't go through, they will say u are the one who ask them to file based on that reasons.

If i am u, let him go to the women and get the evidence. it's will be clean cut and easier.


Active Member
CKGAL, care to share how easy and clean cut it had been for you to get evidences on infidelity and sue your husband and the other woman in court? How much did you pay to PI? How much did you pay for legal fees and court fees??


doll, u are in the legal profession, u should know.

if the husband goes to the hotel with that women for a period of time, it is considered as adultery. Under Singapore law, the husband have to prove he was unable or didn't commit adultery on that day.

For unreasonable behaviour, it base on words against words. No one can prove anything.

My PI charged me 3k for the evidence excluding going to court. My lawyer fees was around 7 k. My ex didn't dare to fight the case as the evidence was very strong. I finalized the whole thing in a couple of month.

The best part was my husband was ordered to pay part of the legal fees and the PI fees!!!


Active Member
CKGAL, just for info, I am no legal eagle here.

I initiated the divorce on unreasonable behaviour. The incidents that I cited were true and my ex-husband knew it well too. I did not need to prove anything to anyone, just his agreement.

From the day I first consulted my lawyer and engaged her service to the day of the court hearing and issuance of the interim divorce certificate, it was only a matter of 2.5 months. My legal fees including court fees came up to $2.5K and ex-husband agreed to pay 2/3 of it. No other third party costs involved.

What is consoling at least is the fact that you had injected funds in the economy I guess.


ha ha doll, u have a husband who can't wait to get off the marriage with you. And i presume cos u didn't claim a single cent from him, that why he agree without any hesitant.

u admitted working in a legal firm and who knows u might be from Felicia Ng of Piah, Tan & Partners. that why u can get such a cheap price from them.

I believed that are not such price for a lawyer divorce case. Don't bull shit.


anyway, i call your lawyer firm and they say 2.5k is just the basics, it does not include other expenses which can add up to a few thousand more.

Pls, if u are advertising for your company, don't do it here.


Active Member
Sophia, third-party costs in the context of my post are fees to the PI.

Sky, yes, you can go on separation without doing up a DOS. Don't waste the money if you know he is not going to sign his agreement, which renders that piece of paper useless.

CKGAL - Thanks for your jokes! Ha ha ha ha ha


Active Member
To me, your husband already emotionally divorced you by sleeping with another woman. My guess is, he was just waiting for you to do all the leg work to divorce him.

Why spend $10K on divorce when I can get mine done faster and cheaper? Please don't try to give me an answer as I know you are logic challenged.
I know Doll in person. She doesn't work as a free-lance lawyer LOL

She is just sharing what she knows here


Active Member
Green, if I were really a lawyer, I will surely find ways and means to levy a charge on CKGAL for talking to me in SB hehe. If she refuses to pay me, I engage PI to track her down haha


Active Member
Wait, Green, you "speaking up" for me, you running a risk of being accused as a paralegal that works at *ahem* my "law firm"! Scared or not?? Haha


New Member

Didn't we blast that dumb ass CKGAL in the past?

In fact, she's on my list of MAR TAN aliases...

CKGAL, if any one seriously consider anything that comes out of that dumb ass brain of yours...then found a peer!...

Time to discard this nick and use another one???
How's your PI business nowadays? Times are so bad that you have to revert back to your old tricks?


New Member
Of cos lah...I super small gas! I got good memory of people who behaved like an ass...CKGAL features prominently among the bunch of morons...

Did you know that she's emotional as well? Prone to sudden crazy outbursts...powder kana first hand before...haha

And as for CKGAL, if you decided to stick your head out again...
Do you think why we believe Doll and not you?

She got don't...


Active Member
Doll good to have kenny working as a PI. so you can provide one stop service. from divorce to pi.

btw kenny can smell rat or fries?


New Member
My lawyer advised me to initiate my divorce based on unreasonable behaviour, as I had no concrete proof (in this case PI) of his infidelity.

I've been asked to put together a chronology of events stating all the incidents, leading up to my decision for divorce, which I'm working on now. Is this how it works normally?

Missed this question out when I last consulted my lawyer - If my husband disagrees to the divorce, any idea if the court could still grant me the divorce if all the examples I've cited are backed up with smses where he admitted his lies and emails from the other woman to him? Or his agreement to the divorce is still required?


Active Member
Lyn, to your first question, the answer is yes. You should summarise each incident. Don't have to devote paragraph after paragraph of storytelling.

If I am not wrong, the defendant has to accept responsibility for having behaved unreasonably during the course of the marriage.