Support group - Divorce

[highness]

hi,

i juz gave birth @ july and my hb juz tell me last wk dat he wan a divorce, reason: he doesn't luv me anymore.

actually i found out bits and pieces he is having an affair but he deny everything. he rarely come home even when i'm preggy, reason: he's bz with work, need to work shift and no off day! he did not even accompany me to my last 2 checkups..
he claimed he got financial difficulties, holding 2 jobs! he totally no come home since Aug/Sept.

i found bills that he went nirwana resort during May. he admit he went with his female coli but they did nothing at all. he is juz helping her to get rid of her abusive husband!

I wanted to engage a PI but PI say my case difficult as i duno where my hb staying now, his current job requires travel around singapore. can nvr know his whereabouts.

now he wanna divorce me based on no luv.
pls advise wat can i fight for.. thanks..

 

[sgbabydoll]

Highness

Sorry to hear what you are going through now.

You should ensure that you get the custody of your child since he/she is just a few months old, I believe it would be best for him/her to be cared for by mommy. Of course, you should apply for child maintenance as soon as possible; need not wait for divorce to conclude to do so since he no longer goes home, that means you two are already separated. If you live in an HDB flat, you can request the court to approve the transfer of his share of the flat to you and your child.

Whether you are plaintiff or defendant for divorce I believe you should always seek legal counsel to better understand your rights and the parametres of the divorce law.

You take care!

 

[sgbabydoll]

ZML

Yes, you would need to produce a copy of the marriage cert for divorce application. If you have no access to the original cert, your lawyer would be able to help obtain a copy through his/her means.

CPF statement is for your lawyer to establish how much you have contributed toward the matrimonial property, in the preparation of the proposed matrimonial property plan.

 

[simpleman]

ZML,

What is the issue.. you don't want to divorce?

How long the marriage?

 

[sgbabydoll]

ZML

I wouldn't want to pass any judgement on you on your decision or the reasons leading to that decision. But for me, I wouldn't allow myself to go that way.

I will try to explain what you can do (within your rights or entitlements), not what you should do, morally or not.

You asked:
1) Can I not consent to the divorce even he went to file for it?
Yes, you are entitled to contest your husband's petition for divorce. You need to file a document in court on why you think that the marriage has not broken down irretrievably or that you do not agree to his reasons for divorce. But bear in mind that a contest slows down the divorce process but does not block divorce.

2) Can he sell the flat alone with his name?
Without a joint agreement, no party can sell the flat now. But in the event of an approved divorce, you will have no ground to hold on to the flat in view of your situation due to HDB's rules and regulations.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Uncontested divorce takes about three months from the day the plaintiff engages a lawyer to the day of the court hearing and issuance of the interim divorce cert.

Officially, you have six months from the date of the final divorce cert to sell the flat.

To find out more about divorce, you may wish to read Koh Tien Hua's "Divorce: Untying the knot" and Foo Siew Fong's "When marriages break down: Rights, obligations and division of property". The books are available at the libraries.

 

[mysterious]

Hi doll,

Please check your PM. Thanks.

 

[piano_piano]

what does extraction of court order in divorce cases mean?

 

[wkg30]

can i ask for a longer period of the flat to be sold? cos market is quite bad..

 

[wkg30]

is it so? but i guess next year will drop right>

 

[verityff]

hi, my friend case as bellow:

married on Apr 2006, no kid, no house, no shared property, both Singapore PRs.

Can anyone advise what's the proper procedures of getting divorce?? How long does it take to effect? thank you

 

[wkg30]

i am going thru this now not sure how.. will update here again..

i think got to be married for 3 years then both agree then can divorce.. but pls check with a lawyer..

 

[veiled78]

Hey sgbabydoll,

Remember me? I am back in Singapore. I spoke with my husband about our relationship. I told him I met someone more suited to me, a friend who has been the love of my life for 2 years, and that the overseas years were the happiest of my life.

I told my parents the same thing and they gave me grief about making them ashamed as my husband is a good man - citing that he didn't stray (which is true) and he provides materially and waited for me (which is also true).

But the whole time i am overseas, we had text / phone calls only once a fortnight or a month pretty much separate lives already. We've never had a real emotional connection all these 7 years we've known each other. Sexual problems all the way from the beginning of the marriage - he admitted to having sexual aversions.

I would like to pursue the love of my life, but my parents said they would be ashamed of me, they don't know how to face my husband, they don't know how to face all the talk from the relatives, everyone will call me an adulteress who went overseas and left her husband behind. No one sees that we were never compatible in the first place.

Sigh... sorry just needed a place to vent.

 

[powder]

veiled,

your parents will get over it... your relatives will have nothing to get over, just something to talk abt during gatherings to show they're In-The-Know... your parents factually dun need to face your husband, nor should they have difficulty becos they are not responsible... so i guess all these are just issues which are Reactive now, but not Consequential.

as with anything, it is the consequential ones we should worry abt, not the gossipy irritating ones.

i'd place emphasis on 1. Your Life, 2. your husband's Understanding.

welcome back!

 

[sgbabydoll]

Verityff

The parties must be married for at least three years before any one of them can apply for a divorce. Or if the plaintiff has suffered exceptional hardship or if his/her spouse has been exceptionally unreasonable and cruel, with proofs, the court will accept the application even if the marriage is under three years.

The only ground necessary to file for divorce is that the marriage has irretrievably broken down under any of the five situations:
- Infidelity;
- Desertion;
- Separation for three years;
- Separation for four years; or
- Unreasonable behaviour.

Please refer your friend to read Foo Siew Fong's "When marriages break down: Rights, obligations and division of property" for further details, available at local libraries. When the time comes, she can seek counsel from a lawyer on how she could petition for divorce.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Veiled

Of course I remember you!

If divorce is it, then you just have to stay focused to see that it is settled as amicably as possible.

Whether or not you are still with your male friend is not material. With or without him in your life now or in those two years (if he is no longer in the picture), seems to have little impact on the events leading to your decision today. Let it be that way then. You know what you are doing and what is best for yourself, then don't get affected by the views of others.

Try not to expect that people will be with you on your decision right away. You don't need to as a matter of fact. They are not you, so they may not be able to see things from your perspective. But those who love you will come to accept it and respect it. Just a matter of time.

 

[veiled78]

Thanks Powder and doll.

I was just so distraught when I wrote my post. In fact, I didn't want to drag matters so I told the parties pretty much immediately after I arrived.

My friend is still in my life, albeit overseas. Before my friend came into the picture, I chose to go overseas, a decision I had little difficulty making - which on hindsight was warning sign no.1. I guess if you really loved someone, you wouldn't so easily make a decision to just be apart. Also, I did feel like there wasn't any real intimacy in my marriage, I was just feeling resigned then, what with the 5 year HDB flat rules etc, I decided to take a wait and see approach. Now that the period is up, I am seeing what should be done.

My husband knows about my friend because I chose to tell him one night. I even showed him the pictures we took together because I still believe my husband deserves human respect, not more lies.

My husband still loves me, in his own way. I know he would really like to reconcile, deep down, but I am not sure if I can face going through the trying stage anymore. I have several other things to take care of, like job interviews etc.

So I asked him if he would hate me for leaving. He said no, just wanted me to be happy. He has one request though, just asked me if I could wait 2 years for him to turn 35 so he can take over the flat as he really likes our flat.

I am trying to be strong, but to be perfectly honest, I am really torn between treating marriage as sacred and not hurting innocent parties and wanting my own happiness.

Maybe I am just so confused, or maybe it's the jetlag!

 

[powder]

dun be torn... for one, u've done your soul-searching and been thru the necessary thought-process on it... so u know what u're in for. your hubby is a good man, and u should be comforted in knowledge tat he will be dating and finding another person who would appreciate and love him more than u prob ever can. it's just an old habit die hard... or u could give it some time again, whatever it is, things gets clearer when u have a clear head... so rest first.

 

[wkg30]

where can i get Foo Siew Fong's "When marriages break down: ?

 

[verityff]

Thank you Doll.

Next year Apr will be exactly 3 years for their marriage. If wanna to end up this relationship, what does my friend need to prepare? I mean does my friend need to apply the divorce few months in advance something like that??

btw, Foo Siew Fong's book avaliable online?? any links recommendations for more info, thanks ya...

 

[sgbabydoll]

Foo Siew Fong's book can be found at the libraries.

Verityff - Don't think there is a need to apply for divorce in advance since it would usually take a couple of weeks for the lawyer to prepare the documents and file it with the court. The lawyer will not file it before the three-year mark is up since the court will not entertain early applications without a good reason.

 

[verityff]

Doll, thank you so much...

I read other posts about that maintenance fee after both divorce, does it apply to my friend's case?? cos they have no shared property or kids... with many thanks

 

[sgbabydoll]

Verityff, based on what I know, don't think your friend would get any maintenance (there is a host of factors that the judge will consider on maintenance) or even if she does get it, it would be a very small sum. Anyway, this is best to be advised by the lawyer that would be engaged by your friend who will study your friend's situation and state of things in the marriage.

Your friend is an adult, you should let her handle her own divorce. You have already found out quite a fair bit for her.

 

[verityff]

kekeke, thank you doll.

cos my frien is currently working in China,it's difficult for him to find all these info mah... really appreciate.

 

[veiled78]

Powder,

Thanks. I am trying to rest but it is so hard as I am really emotional and with jet lag and all.

We are sleeping in separate bedrooms now as I try and sort out my thoughts. I have been so used to sleeping on my own for such a long time, so I just can't bring myself to sleep on our matrimonial bed with him as I really don't love him that way and seeing him next to me just makes me feel worse and more guilty.

It is hard when I know I am breaking his heart in the process. I saw tears in his eyes when I hugged him good night and told him he'd always be a friend. I am so tormented that the last 2 days have passed in a blur. I mourn for what could have been in our marriage, but yet I have no energy to try anymore, because I can't feel the love in my heart.

Do I really know what I'm in for if I divorce? My mom has said she would never support me in a divorce. She said she will hang her head in shame and it will be all my fault. And she will never accept any guys that come into my life.

As it is now, my parents won't look me in the eye when they talk to me. Everything is restricted to polite small talk. I don't feel the warmth and the welcome at all, and I have just travelled more than 14 hours to get to Singapore. This doesn't feel like home.... Maybe like you say, it will take time....

My husband has said he will probably remain single if we separate.

And my special friend? Well, I guess being apart (he is overseas) is a good test of our relationship. If we both make the extra effort and committment to keep the sparks going, then maybe this relationship is worth fighting for. Apart from living together and blending our living habits (which wasn't difficult at all), ur relationship has yet to go through any major test, so this would be a good one. Maybe it's meant to be or maybe not.

Right now, I am trying to rest and importantly, once my mind is clearer, I want to separate the two issues where the decision should be made independently of each other:

1. Staying or leaving the marriage
2. The friend

If I chose divorce, I think I'd rather be single and happy than choose the wrong guy and be unhappy again.

Hope I am making sense....

 

[powderful07]

Yes, you do make sense...

I'm glad you chose to be happy...
To be honest, I don't really like the idea of making myself suffer so that other people can live with themselves...

If your parents can't live with it...too bad...You alone are accountable to your life from now on...NOT THEM...

 

[veiled78]

Hi Powderful,

I do not know what it is I feel about my husband. I couldn't sleep and just walked over to the study room a few minutes ago and I saw some of the old things he dug out from our wedding like the dinner guestlist and some wedding pictures.

I felt such a wtench in my heart. He must have been looking at them with tear filled eyes. He has said he doesn't blame me.

I'm not sure what it is that I still feel for him. Is it love? I am not sure, it just felt like a deep sadness, a broken dream, of what could have been, and mostly a deep pain of hurting him so much? Maybe I still love him, deep down inside? Maybe I should not have told him about my friend.....

But frankly I didn't miss him at all when I was overseas these three years. He wasn't in my thoughts even when I was happy, or sad or had good / bad news to share. We hardly talked when we were in Singapore. When I was overseas, it dwindled even more. When he had a fall, I wasn't as concerned as I thought I should have been. I thought that was always the first test of whom one truly loves?

Or are these feelings a prompting from somewhere / God not to give up on the marriage? That there is something still worth fighting for in this marriage?

He has been very good to me, fetches me around, buys me food, trys to support me in what i do, gets on with my parents, and I feel so touched by all his gestures but I just don't feel.... love.... Our feelings, our dreams, our aspirations, our fears are blocked up from one another. We are so emotionally distant.... We always used to use surface laughs and jokes but avoided the real deep soul sharing. This is what I really want. Someone I can share everything with and vice versa. Someone with whom I can be myself. I don't experience that with him. And I don't feel any physical attraction to him at all.

Am I throwing away a gem that I won't appreciate until it is gone? I was so stupid to fall for my friend when I am married. Before I met my friend, I was unhappy deep down, but resigned. Resigned to a husband I couldn't connect with, couldn't share with, couldn't view as my equal or my soulmate. For the first 2 years of our courtship, he treated me like dirt - keeping me at arm's length, cold to me, didn't want to spend time with me. Even meeting once a week was too much to ask at times. His work came first, I understood in my head but in my heart I was sad. I didn't want to appear sticky, so even though I was terribly hurt, I changed my expectations and behaviour.

And also, deep down, I admit this - a part of me actually felt ashamed of him as he didn't speak well, I always felt a tinge of guilt when I introduced him to my friends. When he started to put on lots of weight, it became even worse. It is very bad of me, I know. In fact, I used to joke with my parents that this guy with very bad english was after me. We used to laugh at his grammer mistakes behind his back. So maybe, I started out this relationship on the wrong footing from day 1.

He admitted he wanted to move out of his unhappy family home so rushed into the market to buy a flat with me once the housing market was low. He admits that his coldness is a result of trauma from his parents' divorce when he was a kid. As a result, he grew up unable to love, unable to relate. But that is exactly what I need in a partner and I have found in my friend who is able to open up to me and vice versa.



I didn't have enough self belief to tell myself I should only marry if I was absolutely sure. I went into this marriage with so many doubts.
All these carried through into the marriage.....

Argh.....

There is so much pain....if only I knew what to do. Is there a good counselor? Frankly speaking, I am too tired to try because it wasn't there in the first place.

 

[powder]

yup, tat's sharp but no less astute... especially if u Know yourself and u Know u have a good heart. then accountability is manageable.

in life, there will always be pple who can't live with our decisions n choices, but if we know wat we're doing and decide to still go ahead, who can stop us? we've earned the right to be where we are and to do the things we know is good, then seriously, that should suffice.

i'm fillial, and i love my parents to death. dad wanted me to be an engineer or even lawyer and wished for tat from day one til he died... mum wanted me to have a decent job, dun change jobs so much, and keep my feet on the ground. teacher wanted me to get good grades to be gainfully employed. i defied all their wants for me and found my own niche. my job wasn't in their radar nor their imagination... they didn't know it existed and didn't know i'd be good in it. only i knew. there was no point in explaining to pple who felt 5k a month jobs meant a good future becos it meant a disaster to me. At those points of my life, i could not explain nor justify why i would feel shitty having a 5k job... in fact i might get a slap cos i'm as good as insulting them. well except being a lawyer i guess...

forward 20yrs today, where i followed my dreams of much better salary than that... i dun need to explain Why i didn't take on any of those jobs. they Know i have done better. Point is - some reasons may take years before u get a chance to explain them, but we'll get our chance. dad may be gone, he would no doubt have been proud. in fact i think he's glad i didn't follow his advice... it was relevant THEN, not now.

same with your parents and wat they say and feel is good for u Now. deep down if u have faith in your judgement and everything u've learnt in this world adds-up, then follow your own lead.

as for hubby, let me say this... if my wife left me for the same reasons i will tear too... but few years later when i see her Truly Happy - i will cry bigger tears. cos my love for her has extended beyond simply possessing her, but has transcended into another level - unselfish love. just letting her go would have been up there in the list of the best decisions i made in life... simply by letting go...

pple often say "the one that got away", i wonder why? if the one that got away is Truly Happy, that this person is someone i should never have caught hold of... it's tat simple for me.

we're all students in this great ministry of life. our parents as long as they are alive, are students too... they ccan be our monitors and prefects, but they are Never our teachers... Life is our teacher, everyone else Is a student. i am your school-mate, i'm sharing what i've learnt from another class tat u might not have time to attend...

sleep well.

 

[powder]

on your last post. if i met a good wife and i try but can't love her... my natural thought is tat she finds someone who can truly treasure her... i dun believe in hogging things tat others like simply becos it's good to have, but i believe in hogging only the things i will love n treasure.

 

[awakened]

veiled

ultimately, the decision to stay in or leave the marriage is yours to make, simply coz this is your life. you've already started confronting the issues at hand, which is a good step. you did make alot of sense in your last post.

your parents' reactions are understandable, but secondary. much as it is ideal to get family support at a time like this, reality is often the contrary. my father is still not talking to me since i told him of my decision to divorce. i dare not ask for support but i trust that one day, he'd come to understand why i had to do it and talk to me again like a father would to a daughter. meantime, i can only be as filial as i can towards him, given the circumstances.

"It is hard when I know I am breaking his heart in the process." if you eventually choose to pursue your happiness without your husband, you may need to learn to forgive yourself for the pain you blame yourself for putting your husband through first coz i felt that you are very pained by your actions towards him. only then will you truly be able to move on.

i may not be in the best position to advise, but take comfort in knowing that this is probably the worst period of the entire process. once you have your decision and are out of the 'not knowing what to do' phase, everything else will fall into place.

 

[veiled78]

Lyn, Powder,

Thanks for your kind counsel and time to listen to me. I am greatly heartened by what you have shared.

Powder,

Re: filial piety, that is the other issue I have. If I pursue my happiness with my friend, for practical reasons I will fly back to his country, where I had just come back from.

Reason being that both of us like it there, and his parents are aware of my situation and they actually istened, cried and embraced me saying they'd be my second parents if I wanted. That they'd support me regardless of whatever choice I made.

But how am I going to look after my parents while I am over there so far away? I'd hate to be not there for them....

He did say he'd be willing to relocate to Singapore if we are together and if he can find a job here. But thats still early to say. And also, I think maybe right at the beginning it's not good for him, as we both need family support, which we can find back in his home country.

Also now, I am not working, so money wise is tighter - I feel bad for not giving them lump sum allowance from my overseas work. I need to save up for my future over there.... such a conflict.

Lyn,

I am sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time with your dad. It must be so hard, as it is, it is hard enough now. And my mom keeps saying try try try.....

I have a feeling that when I decide to pursue my happiness, I have to secretly board that plane and then just leave. Call them and say I'm sorry I had to.....

You are astute indeed, yes I am very pained by my actions towards him as I feel like I am such a selfish and unfeeling person. Yes, I need to forgive myself.

Can I ask you something since you are divorced? Do you own joint HDB property? My husband is 33 this year and he will be 35 in early 2010, he really likes our flat so he said he wanted to keep it if that is possible so he would not be forced to move back in with his folks.

I have nothing against him and would want him to be happy because he has been so good to me. So I am happy to grant him that....

But do you know if 35 y/o can buy over my share of a 4 room flat in his sole name? I tried googling HDB rules but can't seem to find out more on that...

 

[powder]

veiled,

on the HDB thingie, goto http://www.hdb.gov.sg/fi10/fi10206p.nsf/WPDis/Changing%20Of%20Owners%20And%20OccupiersRelated%20Information%20-%20Divorce?OpenDocument


on the parents thingie, it's something u have to sort out to the best of your ability. perhaps 2yrs with him first, before coming back. i think the idea of being together is a base, then will work on either making spore the Home country in perhaps 3yrs' time and making frequent visits to the other country.... or vice versa.

i guess u might have to join the forums for those overseas or migrated, and gather some ideas of how they manage the time/families.

 

[mitlancer75]

veiled, i read ur postings with lot of emotions. I just kept thinking if 'she' went thru the same thinking when 'she' left. It still bring lots of pain when I read ur postings. But utimately, I dun think I would accept the fact that she chose to stay just becos of guilt. I dun think ur hubby would want to.
On the other hand, I do hoped that 'she' will be happy, and really sure that 'he' is the one 'she' wanted. So pls take more time think thru!

 

[veiled78]

Powder,

Thanks for the info. I will read it in detail to see what it says.

I am still no closer to an answer about what to do. My sister and 2 other good friends are all getting married within 3 consecutive weeks of each other. All want me to play an active part in the weddings.

It is so hard to see other couples walking down the aisle, getting married when your own marriage is falling apart and you have no energy to try and save it.

Went to NTUC earlier to do some grocery shopping, suddenly recalled my happy times with my friend doing the weekly food shopping back overseas and I just started tearing.

Still very emotional. I hope I will get better. Job interview later this evening got to keep it together!

lancer,

I am sorry to open up your wounds. How long were you married for and has your spouse chosen her special friend? Did you let her go for her happiness and how long did you try before letting go? Sorry I have so many questions.

 

[powder]

take baby steps...

going to weddings is Good, u just have to think positive... it's nice to see young enthusiastic couples getting all prepped up to spend their lives together... nomatter how cynical i am, i think it's an experience we should all have.

Yes - i'm cynical! hehe... too many non-love reasons tat pple get married liao. i guess for this, the westerners are abit more ahead of us... we can say they divorce and have no regard for the covenant of marriage. but the thing is - they are constantly finding themselves and aare not afraid to correct their mistakes.

 

[veiled78]

Thanks Powder.

Need some help decoding my husband's behaviour. Hope you can help. We are behaving as normal in public now in front of the parents because my sister is getting married etc. and I did promise my mum to "try" for 6 mths to a yr so cannot give up within a week right!

However, understandably it is terribly awkward once we get home and are alone in the same house. He is in one room and me in another. When I walked into his room to pass him something he gave me long lingering looks. Then when I left the room, he began blasting music from our wedding, the song he used to propose etc from his laptop in the next room. Then when I bumped into him, he walked towards me and asked me whether he can stare at me? I said I felt very uncomfortable, sorry. Asked him if he was angry with me, he just said "No" abruptly and walked away.

What do you think he is doing? Is he just reminiscing over the past days or is he trying to punish me by playing on my guilt? Or trying to make me remember the past and hopefully go back to him? I know it's only been early days since I told him, but really this is driving me nuts.

Also, am I very heartless in not wanting to share the matromonial bed? At the moment, the thought of being touched by him just makes my skin crawl.... don't know wht it is like that....

 

[awakened]

Veiled

Sorry I didn't check back earlier, thanks powder for giving you the HDB info.

I was my close friend's 'jie mei' and was with her throughout the entire wedding day and night. I also attended another wedding at the same venue I had mine. I had thoughts like you prior to these events but I eventually came to discover that they were unnecessary thoughts that should not be there in the first place. Powder was right when he said that going to weddings can be good, in a warped way. Focus on the couples getting married, call me insanely positive, haha~ but draw on the good energy. Its their big day, enjoy it with them.

I find it hard to comment on your husband's behaviour but no, I don't think you're heartless in not wanting to share the matrimonial bed. Only do so when/if you are ready. Otherwise, you're just giving him false hopes.

Hope your job interview went well and that you managed to get some rest tonight.

 

[veiled78]

Hi Lyn,

Thanks for the encouragement! I will just go and "suck up" all the positive energy and enjoy it with them! I guess the harder bit is that my friends still don't know about us, and they are mutual friends, so we got to do the "couple thing".

Thanks for reaffirming that I'm not being heartless by not wanting to sleep on the matrimonial bed. I also thought, I can't bring myself to do that and also don't wanna give him false hopes.

Yes, managed some sleep last night finally without sleeping pills.

 

[powder]

hi veiled,

nah i dun think after all tat he has shown in reaction, tat he'd be trying to play mind-games with u... i think it's also fair tat i remind u tat he's also going thru his own difficult process and coming to terms... i guess the feeling for both of u could be rather surreal... half the time, both of u prob dun really know what u're doing and why u're doing it... u're just doing things to facilitate watever there is to facilitate... like a trance. Surreal is the word.

 

[veiled78]

Hi Powder,

Thanks. He still calls me dear, still does lots of things for me. I love him like I would my older brother so it hurts like hell to see him hurt.

Yeah, I guess you are right. Surreal and in a trance. Half the time I don't know what I am doing.

But hopefully it will all get clearer and better soon!

Will give it some time to see how things go. Have a good weekend!

 

[powder]

u have a good weekend too...

 

[rainibowbunny]

hi...I am new ....
i am file a divorce to my hb under unreasonable behav.I need a bit advise..

I have been married for 4yrs... and I have a kid coming to 3yr...
the reason that I file it becos my hb have not been take care of me and share the burden of maintain with my kid... have not really show concern as a hubby and father at all

the first 2 mth after I give birth ,he did give me a bit of support... and it was taken care by my inlaw at first until she nag that my son is give her bad day,as my son is pre mature. and she said that she got no fate to take care of my son at all... as my hubby is not earn a lot of money so after 1 mth confinement i need to go back to work as I am workin freelance.

and my hubby dont really want me to bring my son hm to my own mother place ... as I am quite sad and I almost want to commit sucide after my given birth,... but I keep tell myself no matter wat happen I will tahan... until I came to a point after a few mth.... I decide to just pack my bag and go hm... can you imagine I knock out that night even my bb is sleep beside even do he cry so loud until my mum came and wake me up...

as my hb dont even to give me maintain the first yr even do I get a nanny to take care of my son as i need to earn the income to provide for bb....as my nanny stay in amk and I stay at punggol ...cab fee is already a lot ... and he dont bother to give until my mum complain.. the he start to give only $350.. which is not enough...

I have spoken to my hb that I want to divorce but he dont want at all.. and I am sick and tired of stay like tat ..is there any way to have it done soon and how long it take to process....I am willing to dont take the hdb and i just want the custody of my son... and i am sure that even do he got the custody my inlaw wil not take care of my son also

is coming to 3 yrs already... I want to come to the end and start a brand new life again... and advise tat I can do ti fast and quick...tks

 

[gin]

Hi all,
I am signing my divorce next month too.

Anyway just happen to browse thru this forum and I want to tell everyone that being happy in life in important!

p.s Powder kor...u r STILL here to help wor! ^^

 

[powder]

 

[veiled78]

Powder,

I just got a job today! Signing the offer letter and contract tomorrow. At least part 1 is settled.

Unfortunately, didn't tell the parents as they are angry with me still!

 

[powder]

tat's fast... assume it's something pretty suitable for a start? not bad considering current climate, yeah part 1 settled...

 

[veiled78]

Yeah,

It's pretty decent for a start, I should suppose. Got this pretty much through recommendation by my ex boss.

So keeping fingers crossed.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Veiled, congrats! This is such a good start for your home coming.

 

[veiled78]

Thanks Doll.

It's at least a decent job hopefully, with pretty decent pay, especially in such times.

Re: homecoming, I no longer feel like Singapore is home, stopped feeling that way a long time ago because it's when I was overseas that I was truly grew and the real me began to emerge.

But from the way parents etc has been treating me, it's even worse in Singapore right now. But practical things first - got to get a job in this country!

I am also going to see a lawyer today for 30 mins. Furiously trying to finish Foo Siew Fong's book and then put down a list of questions.

 

[v_ainiaval]

Hi guys,

My bf's divorce proceedings is heading to court. He has got his decree nisi not the absolute. this is to settle ancillary matters.

I have a few questions, this is to satisfy my own curiousity more than anything.

1. if the ex-wife refuses to sell the flat in open market, buy it over herself or even let him take over the flat, will the judge make a decision on that and settle it for them?

2. wat are the possibilities that judge wld ask him write off his CPF contribution of the house to the ex so that she can take over the house?

3. cn the ex appeal to high court if she is unhappy with the judgement? the divorce proceedings has been dragging for 3 years now, come 2009 it will be the beginning of the 4th year and this is all because they still have the marital property.

The have a 8 year daughter together and are sharing custody.