Support group - Divorce



Hi Separated

Under HDB's prevailing policy, a separated party who has the child custody is allowed to retain the flat subject to eligibility conditions. If there are no children from the marriage, one party may include another person to retain the flat, subject to the prevailing eligibility criteria and eligibility scheme regardless of the occupation period.

If neither party from the separated couple is able to retain the flat, disposal of the flat is required. If they have completed the minimum occupation period - 5 years (MOP), they can resell the flat in the open market. If they have not completed the MOP, they would have to return the flat to HDB at the prevailing compensation price.

Hope the above will benefit you.


New Member
Hi All,

Can anyone advise me if I need to sell my flat?
My wife just passed away recently, and I'm below 35yrs. Do I need to sell my flat? Please help and advise if you can.
Many thanks.


Hi crystalberri15,

Thanks for your reply. So does that means that I can sell the house now? We have completed the MOP.

confused reader

deprived (deprived)
i read some of your previous postings - you were the one with the wife who refuse to have sex and then caught her in the pub right?
how come she died now? oh dear.


New Member
thanks for your note.

am waiting for my 3 yrs to be up, so can gain legal custody of my son. so far, only one year has passed. long wait...


awaiting for hope

Hi All,

Need to seek advise.

Just paid 10% down for my BTO which only be ready in 2008. Havent go thru allument (how long does it take?) and how can retain the unit with new partner's name? Do I have to surrender the unit and re-apply?


Hi Strawberry78,

So you've got 2 more yrs to go? We back dated the separation to the time when i was still expecting so as to expedite it. I know how you feel, kinda worried that your son may be taken away from you right?

Actually time really flies. When we split, my boy was only 4 mths old, now more than a year has gone! Don't think so much about the time, just enjoy the company of your boy and time will pass sooner than you know!


New Member
Hi Confused Reader,

Thanks for your concern.
My wife became preg, and developed liver failure due to Hep B. (Dunno where she got it from).
It got too complicated with the preg and she didn't managed to pull through.
I went through a blood test soon after she was diagnosed with Hep B, and was tested to be clean.

Now with the flat, unsure whether I can retain it or to sell it off back to HDB/open market.
Can anyone advise?
Many thanks.

confused reader

deprived (deprived)
oh dear. do take care.
but honestly this seems like an easy way out of your problems with her to me...sorry for saying that but i do think it kind of works out?


New Member
Hi! All,

Need some advice regarding my flat. I m on separation now & have a 5-rm flat which is bought under our name & my MIL.

Tink is fair tt they keep the house but is it possible for them to return my portion of CPF paid for the house in instalment?

Really lost in this issue.

i have the lights on

Dear group members,

Recalling the evening in a support group member place, where we all shared our deepest sorrow, exchanging our real life drama.

Comparing this against the joy and laughter we had been together and I am truly happy to see many have found own foot hole in life and gearing back in pace to move on. Winding back the clock to the days we were deeply in distress. All alone in a house, feeling your heart slashing over. There are many lost souls in similar predicament, crying in a corner, lonely, despair and hopeless.

Is this what we are all about?

Once I was at the very edge of ending my misery.
From this group, I found the energy to live strongly again.

From this group, I found the courage to move on.
True enough, those gatherings were therapeutic to me.

But is this all to it?

The idea of forming divorce support group took birth over couple of wines, beers and snacks back in mid July 2004. Thanks to all your support, I can still see the group continues to prosper helping many broken souls...

Over the past months, I am really glad to see many new comers joining and old timers moving on.

As this group was formed up, really, I don't see myself doing much... On the other hand, thanks to all your postings to the web, organizing outings, initiatives in leading new members to the group and more importantly, a heart to help. The group seems to take life by itself and maturing day by day.

Over the past 1 year, I really benefited a great deal from the warmth of your concerns, your company and the livening up of your lame jokes. Thanks to dingo_beans and sick&tired! We only knew each other for a very short time, but due to the similar trauma we have gone through, I seem to have known you all for a very long time.

Through this experience, I gainned a mirror for myself from all the time shared with all the members here. Through this, I learnt about life and love. So from me trying to end my life, I am now celebrating life day by day and counting my blessings along the way.

I also learned that pain is a fuel that energizes me with an intensity to change that normally I would never posses... Through this, so from trying to forgive my partner to trying to forgive myself to really couldn't understand why once I had such a big fuzz.

Most importantly, through this, I have met you all, my dear SUPPORT MEMBERS.

So from learning that my case ain't that worst after all to learning from you, your strength and courage in moving on.

I have learnt to see the real world of what is a life of failure and success. Before I get myself burried with full commitments, just like to take this opportunity to thank you all.

Also, thanks to UNWANTEDMAN33, you are keeping up the group alive! Please continue to give the guiding light to those in similar shoes as we were before... Lonely, hurt or lost in direction.

I believe there's a lot out there crying alone in despair and don't know where to get help. Know that the chances are slim... but a lending ears and a guiding light would be much helpful to you to move on and start over a new life..

This group is about a year old, just want to wish this support group a HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!

just want to be a good father

hey...just wanna check if anybody knows whether once wife gets legal custody of son...and he only gets weekly access does it means he can't bring his kid home to visit his parents? Does she she has legal rights to enforce such a thing?


New Member
Just want to be a good Father,

it all depends on the agreement between u n ur wife at the point of separation/ divorce.

Maybe bcoz my ex-husband and i are still on friendly terms, it was easier to state down rules n regulations etc.

I mean, i could ask for sole custody (yes i have valid reason for this) but i opted for joint instead. We agreed that he will bring sonny out for a couple of hours once a week. During the time access, he is free to bring him to anywhere...tho' sadly, he hasn't been keeping up to his word. However, i feel that the grandparents (if they were not the reason for the divorce) should not be deprived from seeing their grandchildren and vice versa. To date, even if Mr ex-husband did not visit sonny as promised, i brought sonny to visit his grandparents regularly. Once, i even let him sleep over.

Yes...i suspect i have either gone nuts or have already achieved nirvana...;P

I guess, it all depends on ur current situation and if it's possible to discuss further with your wife and family.

All the best!



Thanks for your reply.
i just realised my nick too long to use again and fingers get tired easily.
Hence forth i shall call myself Father.

Well..i don't know wats your definition of (if they were not the reason for the divorce).... maybe you wanna elaborate. parents did not abuse my kid or watsoever last time. just that my wifey cannot get along with them...and then from one thing become another thing and then end up like that. She can't stand the sight of my parents....guess its very common from some of the above sad stories tht i have read. cut the long story short, my wifey not comfy with me bring my son home for a visit and i know that. Now i don't want to make things difficult but i would like to at least once in a blue blue moon bring him home for a while lah...won't take long...half an hour also i will die a very happy man u know wat i mean?

Anyway, i am sorry that your ex hub did not stick to his promise of visiting ur son. As for me, i just can't stand the thought of not seeing my son for more than a week. Its so painful to be away from him. No separation deed was effected because i didn't agree to the terms. For me, no matter rain or shine...even if I become blind...i will still use a walking stick to feel my way around until i reach my wife's home so that i can spend that precious few hours with my son. At least my son have his mummy and daddy with him once a week u see. He is so young and my heart is so broken to see him w/o the joy of a complete family.

Sorry..i very loh soh...but i really admire u for doing all this for him...bringing ur boy to his parents. mabbe he just dun know how to appreciate.



Just want to be a good Father,

According to my understanding, as yr wife has the legal custody meaning she has the rights to do anything that's legal for yr son. Even if she wants to change the surname to hers.

If you're fulfilling the requirement as stated in the custody paper like making children maintanence on time, then i don't foresee that she'll object but if you default payments, she can bar you from visiting them.


And the funny and ironic thing about is that it seems not too long ago, my fren recommend me this forum to source for wedding ideas. Last time i came in here to source for wedding ideas..hoping to embark on a happy life together. haha now i am here back in the same forum...soughting support.

Life is full of cruel ironies i guess.

Note: i have to make myself happy and positive to remain mentally strong to confront future challenges and obstacles...not end of the world yet mah.


Hi Sole,

Wah...u really scare me man. But i think i have read somewhere b4 that even if she has legal custody...that only restrict her to making some decisions that excludes the rights of changing the surname. One of the priveledge that legal custody parent has is that the kid gets to live in with that parent. Even that parent who has got legal custody....must sought approval from the other parent if he/she wants to bring the kid overseas....i read it somewhere.

I don't know...i am quite lost at times...guess i just have to embrace the worst.


I don't think so...if she's the custody, then she has the rights to make all decisions for the kid/s. That's why if both parents are fighting for the rights, the judge would evaluate on the income, stability & the bondage.

I've came across the mother of the child had successfully change the name & surname of her kid without having to get the ex-HB's approval as she has the custody rights.

poor mum

Hi,anyone can advice if ex-hb fails to pay child maintance, what's the way to get him to pay other than going to the family court?


Wow. That is one hair-raising thought for me. If that happens...i really don't know how to react. I have yet to see whether this may happen to me or not. Guess the guys do lose out majority of the times.

That's sad...i won't speculate on what happened to the mother you have mentioned but i think that is very unfair isn't it? But this world...nothing much is fair lah.


New Member

Retention of Flats

Under HDB's prevailing policy, a separated party who has the child custody is allowed to retain the flat subject to eligibility conditions. If there are no children from the marriage, one party may include another person to retain the flat, subject to the prevailing eligibility criteria and eligibility scheme regardless of the occupation period.

If neither party from the separated couple is able to retain the flat, disposal of the flat is required. If they have completed the minimum occupation period (MOP), they can resell the flat in the open market. If they have not completed the MOP, they would have to return the flat to HDB at the prevailing compensation price.

Please click here for the MOP for HDB flats.


New Member
Transfer of Flat Ownership
Eligibility Criteria

Some of the eligibility criteria for the proposed owner(s) are: -

For flats bought directly from HDB including resale flats bought with the CPF Housing Grant For flats bought from the open market
Relationship An owner may transfer his flat ownership to his spouse, parents, children, siblings or other blood relatives eligible to be included.
Citizenship One of the proposed owners must be a Singapore Citizen. The remaining can be Singapore Permanent Residents (SPRs). The proposed flat owner(s) can either be a Singapore Citizen or a Singapore Permanent Resident (SPR).
Age The proposed owner must be at least 21 years old.
Ownership of Private Property A private property owner is allowed to take over the ownership of the flat only if the required occupation period of the flat is fulfilled (to exclude the subletting period or any non-occupation period of flat). The private property owner must continue to stay in the HDB flat upon transfer of flat ownership.

In addition, a person who has disposed of his private property will be debarred for 30 months from owning a flat. He can only be included as a permitted occupier. He would not be eligible to become an owner or an essential occupier until the 30 month debarment period has expired. A private property owner is allowed to take over the ownership of the flat on the condition that he continue to stay in the HDB flat.
Assessment of Income Assessment of income is required if the proposed owner is not an original occupier. No assessment of income is required.


Poor Mum,

Can try family support centre to mediate... i think. I think most of the times, such cases do go to family court...coz it is empowered by law to get him pay up.


New Member
Points for Seller/Buyers to Note

Minimum Occupation Period (MOP)
HDB flat owners must have physically occupied their flats for a period of time, referred to as Minimum Occupation Period - MOP, before they are eligible to sell it on the open market. The period will depend on the mode of purchase, the mode of financing and the flat type. If the flat owners have sublet the whole flat, the period of subletting will not be included in the computation of MOP.

A list of the requiste MOP is shown below:

(a) 1-Room and HUDC Flat
No occupation period for owners owning 1-room flat or HUDC flat.

(b) Direct purchase flat and Flat bought under the CPF Housing Grant Scheme
5 years from effective date of purchase.

(c) Flat bought under Selective En bloc Redevelopment Scheme (SERS)
7 years from date of flat selection (provided seller has taken possession of the replacement flat) or 5 years from effective date of possession of replacement flat, whichever is earlier and subject to HDB's prevailing policies.

If there is any period of subletting of the entire replacement flat (subject to HDB's prior approval), the MOP will be extended to make up for the subletting period. Flat owners who had enjoyed the SERS benefits more than once are not allowed to sell the replacement flat.

(d) Resale Flat bought in the open market (without CPF Housing Grant Scheme)
2?years from effective date of resale if the owner takes a loan from HDB:

1 year from the effective date of resale if
the owner has not taken a loan from HDB; or
he has refinanced HDB market interest rate loan with the bank/financial institution; or
he has taken a loan from the bank/financial institution to finance the purchase; or
he has fully redeemed the market interest rate loan obtained from HDB.

You may submit an e-Request on Confirmation on the Computation of Requisite Occupation Period for the purpose of resale.

Upgrading Cost
If the resale flat is affected by the Main Upgrading Programme (MUP) and/or Lift Upgrading Programme (LUP), the lessee who is the owner of the flat at the date of billing is liable to pay the owner's share of the upgrading cost.

If the invoice is given after completion of the resale transaction, the buyer will be liable to pay the upgrading costs at the time of billing.

Upgrading Levy
If the resale flat is affected by the Main Upgrading Programme (MUP), the seller may be required to pay a 10% upgrading levy based on the higher of the declared resale price or 90% of the market value of the flat. This is applicable to:

a) Singapore Citizen (SC) households enjoying the upgrading subsidy for the second or subsequent time;
b) Singapore Permanent Resident (SPR) households.


Hi Sole,

Happen to see this in the family court webby Q&A.
Maybe she has got a very good reason to change the kids surname.

24. I have custody of my children. I do not want them to keep the surname of my ex-husband. Can I change their surname?
You cannot change your children's surname unless your ex-spouse agrees. If he does not agree, you will have to make an application to court to change their surname. But the court will not usually grant that application unless there are extremely good reasons.


New Member
Hi! isit,

Thanks! But I need to know is it compulsory that they have to pay me back the portion I had put in.

Even when I withdraw my name, they are still able to keep the house because they have got 2 names.

Now just worried about the CPF $$$ ...



New Member
"Have the lights on"
sue you for infringement of copyrights then you know. haha!

So fast har.. 1 year has passed without knowing it. Anyway, thank you for transcripting it.

Now rereading it. kinda sensual eh? Did I.. really... write that?

So many have came and left.
So much have changed and taken place.

Was told yesterday that I'll be receiving my decree Nisi in 3 weeks and absolute 3 mths thereafter... After all these while, sorrow is still enrooted but somehow, mutated to a different form?

How'bout you, my dear friends? Hope life been treathing you well??
Happy aniversary.

Unwantedman. You're now wanted.
"Have the lights on" indeed, and have it pass on.
The group is in your good hands. Thank you, pal.


New Member

Gone thru the postings here. It must be tough for u all ladies to go thru divorce and sngle parenthood.

Ladies, I'm confused here. Hope u all can help me to clear my thots

I'm only married less than a year. But I'm worried that I've fallen out of love. I'm not sure how it happen. All a long I thot i love my hubby hence we got married. And live happily ever after, or i thot so

I had a failed 6 years relationship with a guy before i met my hubby. Engaged 6 months later, got married 2 years later. I love my hubby because he is a kind man.

Our marriage became rocky when there was some misunderstanding between me and MIL. Never mind the details. But my hubby is extremely upset and hope that I can reconcile with MIL. It is very difficult to reconcile with MIL unless I sacrifice my self dignity and apologise to her.

Deep inside, I know the probs with MIL is not goin to end here. MIL is very unreasonable. But I'm sure If I close both eyes, i can tolerate MIL. But I find that I dun love my hubby enuf to apologise to MIL for hubby's sake.

I oso realize I'm too career minded. I realise I'm not commited to this marriage as I put my career above anything else. Hubby and I agreed not to have children, btw. My priority is my job. My hubby is my companion in life. But I find it a hassle to put in effort to strengthen the bond with my hubby's family

i did some soul searching for the past few months ever since we got married. I realise I'm not the get-married-material-type of girl. I cherish my singlehood and my job. This marriage, though it doesnt impede my career advancement, but rather this marriage is more like a burden, from the probs his family bring to my life and the commitment to this marriage. This marriage makes me feel very guilty because i'm not able to fulfil my duties as a wife, mother and DIL. If i', divroced, at least i dunt hav to be answerable to them for my actions

I'm afraid I've fallen out of love. I hit it off quite well with my colleague whom i met only 2 months. We become very good friends. Both of us have some feelings for each other, but we r suppressing the feelings because both of us have our responsibilities and commitments. I'm married and he's attached to another girl for two years. I've stopped all contact with this colleague to prevent any further progress of this feeling that is not suppose to be

I'm not sort of person that will commit adultery because i hav self integrity. I will not betray my husband.

But all this events shake my faith in marriage. The fault lies with me.

I feel very guilty about the MIL issue, for not able to give in for my hubby's sake. And oso guilty for having feelings for another guy secretly.

I'm not a good wife. Hav been thinking of getting a divorce. Because I dun think I'm the commited type. I feel so guilty about this whole issue.

Maybe i'm just taking the easy way out because i hav the choice. I'm self sufficient in this society and financially stable, i hav a bright future ahead of me.

Ppl like me shld stay single.


New Member
HI pyzhang...

heehee.. ur mentality is similar to my husband..but sad to say it is selfish.

there is no right or wrong, but if you have the mindset of "pple like me shld stay single" u have the tendency to think " how i wish i am single".. not a very good sign for married couple.

most importantly, u should tell ur hubby abt ur this thinking. The first reaction may be unpleasant, but i am sure if u two are willing to work together, its better to voice out anything.


New Member
Hi la la

thks for sharing ur experience

i've discussed with hubby. No shoutings or arguments. We tried to rationalize. But I think hubby loves me very much and he wants to accomodate as much as he can, to save this marriage.
Hence i feel very bad about myself, for being so selfish. The prob is not about whether he accomodates or not. Its more about myself feeling helpless and guilty for not able to fulfil my duties as a wife, mother and DIL/SIL. The reason why i cant fulfil the abovementioned duties is because i am not wiling to sacrifice my time and energy on in-law family bonding. Its not my priority in life. SIgh so selfish of me.

I feel heartbroken to hurt my hubby so I promise him i'll try to be more family oriented. But i feel "trapped" with all these family commitments. NOt because i wan to flirt around, its just that i feel cornered by in-laws expectations of me as a DIL. I'll lose myself, my self worth

I was brought up well. My parents thot me well too about society culture and moral values. Mom always tell me that all women must get married. I dun quite agree with her but i dun wan to disappoint her. Women, nowadays, r financially dependent. Why do women need to marry to be complete? WOmen and men nowadyas work hand in hand in the society. NObody need anybody

I believe all this courtship and marriage thing--is a evolution trick - for propagation of human species. What is love? Its a just a chemical interaction in the brain - to mate --to pass own our genes.

I think nobody will accept my thots on this. U all may think i'm weird, or a morally loose lady. But I am not a bad person, u know. And i hav never betrayed my hubby. And, of course, i'm a good citizen and contibute well to the society.

Well, staying in this marriage is morally correct objectively. Its expected of me from the society, anyway. But i wonder who determine that divorce is bad? God? Government? Is divorce a bad word? Is it worthwhile to avoid divorce at the xpence of our happiness and freedom as an individual? We have always been trained since young to abide by rules and regulations. But these rules r set by ppl, long time ago, but not necessary applicable for our current lifestyle. And these ppl, who r they. Why must we listen to them? I'll accept if there r good reasons behind it. The whole world is like this, it doesn't mean its the right way to live.

like i say, i'm not a bad person or morally loose woman. These r my opinions. U may disagree but pls dun scold me or insult me hor
Lets talk nicely here


New Member
sorry for digressing from the topic for this thread. The reason i put my posting here because i wan to know wht u ladies think. U all r mature, havent gone thru the torment and sufferings, and had seen the worst side of a marriage. Those ladies who r getting married or single may not be able to give constructive advice because they'll find it difficult to relate to this prob appropriately.



New Member
i share some of your views...surprise surprise, i always thought i am abit of an oddball in that aspect. well you could

1 stay in your marriage and make it work
2 divorce and be with your colleague - erhhh...
3 have a kid (not advisable until you decide)

since you have thought about the evolution of genes part, i don't mind sharing that i am not sure why but since i had BB -

i really don't give a damn on where and how ex-HB (have filed DOS) is or does anymore.

he used to threaten to "find other girls" or "go back to indonesia" when we fought and it used to freak me out - but later i decided, as long as i have a great career (prospects and monetary) and OF COURSE, custody of BB,

he can go and sing to till the cows come home, truth is, i don't give a damn anymore.

and to be honest, i felt an extreme sense of relief when we finally decide to part because since marrying him, the MIL and even FIL issues have been lodged in my head. for some reason, FIL even threatened to take BB back with him to indonesia during the one month gathering...

what the fish - sorry for language but i have gone through nine months and did most of the planning for ex HB and me...and there he comes waltzing in at the 11th hour with such a blatant comment.

just makes my head goes "TING!!"

truth is, i could not stand the day to day intrusion of the in laws in my life because ex HB was not a strong guy, he would get stressed and confused and end up blaming me when his mom nagged at him. his mom wanted me to constantly call her and has extremely high expectations of a DIL, example - she hinted that his brother ex-girlfriend (???) gave her CHANEL handbags and her sister DIL ALWAYS bakes with her...

very dependent and high maintanence MIL and a cranky FIL with a caustic tongue (he made comments that career women are dangerous and they should stay at home...???)

then he went on to speculate most of MIL savings in shares and stocks (he wanted to make a quick killing on the stock market)

it never ends...their financial roller coaster (same with my parents - i just could not handle two sets of that, his and mine), plus ex HB is usually so laid back and stubborn, it felt as if the weight of the world is on please his parents, manage him and BB...balance with my own parents, in short,

i just had to "let" him go to keep my balance.

so when MIL indicated to him to consider that BB will be my custody if we divorce and FIL mean behavior and all - I literally jumped at the opportunity "to be set free"

it was my chance to be freed of his burdens, his parents troubles and for me to focus solely on BB and my parents.

as well as to build my career with a clear mind - since my mom is taking good care of my BB.

and BB is quite an independent and smart baby, he's coming to two years now and ex HB left when he was six months and i must say, things are much more pleasant, manageable and even happier after he left. even though there are tough spots like doing double shifts when BB is sick or when the expenses are high but nothing beats a peace of mind to focus on work and take charge of my own life and BB -

without the mental burden of MIL and FIL hunting me down regularly.

i really could not take the constant drain - you know, there are some types of people who don't "rest" and constantly wear you out mentally cos they don't let go and pace themselves.

so other than burning themselves out, they take you along with them.

i have met such people at work and with the in laws as well, so i am well clear of such situations. but for me, i feel that parenting and career is a long journey, sometimes its better to live and let live. we all have a long distance to go and sometimes, its really not worth battling for every small thing that comes your way.

so i rest my case, like someone said to me in another thread, for my case, its better that i divorce because single parent works well for me.

less of sulky ex-HB face or threats (he still threatens to fight for custody) but have learnt to think logically - chances are BB will stay with me cos he will probably remarry and since birth BB has been with my mom and me, and child under 12 is usually with the mom.

i don't think i want joint custody cos he and MIL have been "forcing" verbally for me to have BB baptize as catholics (like them) but for me, i rather let BB choose when he is older than to force him into a certain belief at a young age. some may disagree but i want to leave him the option to choose his lifestyle at his own time.

that's why i could never get along with exHB and his family - they force things down your throat, you have to behave and act docile and THEIR WAY ALL the time cos they are the omnipotent in laws. and once, MIL even said i stand to lose much more than her son cos i am a woman????///

wah lau, such comments put women 100 years back man! sorry, am not willing to compromise my beliefs that way, so i am one of those who really feel i should not have married in the first place - or at least married the "perfect" man...but i don't think that will happen. cos i actually do like being independent, so i don't have to be controlled by someone else. so its back to the single drawing board for me.

close my case...i still subscribe to a notion that a wise friend once told me, "consider that having BB irons out all the losses with exHB" and i agree totally.

extremely long message - guess reading pancake story made me recollect.

actually am having a bad sorethroat and cold, so woke up to take medication and ended up with insomania so went online!

cheers to choice!


New Member
Hi strawberry78

For the first time, I feel relieved that there's someone who emphatize what i'm going thru.

My ILs are quite similar to urs. They like to hav a hand in all our daily affairs. Otherwise MIL will criticize non-stop and belittle our judgement, even if its just a minor daily affair. Her typical line " y u dun consult me first? Aiyo, see wht mess u r in now?" Frankly speaking, it wasnt a WRONG decision. Its just that she doesn't like our choice, thats it. But its not her rights to poke her nose in every single damn thing we do.
I dun blame anyone cox this is how my hubby was brought up. Since young, he involves his parents in ALL decision making. Now that we're married, MIL still expects the same from hubby.

I'm quite a relax person. Initially, MIL and I get on well because i close both eyes. I let her make the decisions. But the final straw was when she interferes with my job affair. My job is my first love and also my rice bowl. I'll not tolerate her on this!

Because of this she's very angry. ANd MIL nag hubby everyday for being useless , for causing disharmony in the family (actually she started it first, and now she push the guilt to hubby). SHe also blame hubby for being useless because she spent almost a million in his educaction overseas and now he is "scared" of me. What a joke. Hubby and I hav equal social standing in society.
Wht she is doing now is creating a wedge btwn me and my hubby.

Hubby initially is on my side. But due to tremendous pressure from family (MIL forms ally with SIL and BIL, told them tht I BULLY and DISRESPECT her), hubby is stressed now. Sibblings phoned hubby frequently to advise hubby not to make MIL angry. MIL claimed she is heartbroken and having insomnia cox hubby is not filial. OMG

Hubby is upset with me now (he starts to blame me now, though he wasn't initially), wants me to reconcile. Hubby told me to giv them face and be respectful to elderly. I told hubby i can give in again and apologise (although i'm not wrong) But the main prob is NOT solved. This is NOT going to be the last time. ILs wun change and i'll be harrassed again and again in future.

Why do i need to go thru all these? MIL claims tht i married INTO her family, hence gotta be a dutiful DIL. Wht a joke. I married her son, and NOT her family. I've tried to blend into his family because i know marriage is not just betwn both of us. But hubby's family is too difficult to get along with. Its burning up my time and energy, not to mention tht i got a demanding job to handle

hubby negotiated with ILs. Told MIL wht she is doin now will affect our marriage, which is not strong yet. We may file a divorce. SHe said she dun care. Hubby is a very gentle and soft hearted man. Hubby tried many ways but MIL insists on me to meet up with her to "do somthing" to solve this issue.

Hubby and I very close. It breaks my heart to see him trapped in btwn. But I cant help him. It breaks his heart too cos I'm not happy

U know wht the prob is. Hubby is very very filial. ANd he's a mama's boy. THts the main prob.
But after all hubby's mom brought him up. I dun wan to creat bad karma for breaking up mother-son bond.

Hence, i've no choice but to also let go hubby (i'm still deciding, pros and cons..)


New Member
Hi strawberry78 (again)


Regarding the different choices u suggested

1 stay in your marriage and make it work
Hubby and I tried. But the prob is not BTWN both of us. Prob is from EXTERNAL. And its from someone who has every right to torture/reprimand hubby cox they r hubby's parents

2 divorce and be with your colleague - erhhh...
I think my colleague is just a life buoy for me. Besides, this is VERY scandalous. There'll be retribution. Its against my self conscience. Moreover, i'll not betray hubby. If hubby and i divorce, i dun intend to get married. Its just like jumping out from the hot kettle into the frying pain. Besides, there's no such thing as perfect man. Everybody has their own weakness. I'm not goin to be commited in relationship anymore ----bgr-evolution trick. I enjoy friendship more (at least friendship is more genuine and not based on love/lust/attachment)

3 have a kid (not advisable until you decide)
Only if i hav lots of love to give. If the ILs prob not solved, having a kid complicates the whole issue. Besides this article echos my view on this



New Member
hi pancake,
Erm...I will be stepping into the seperation road soon. I just cancelled my wedding. Reason behind is not EMA, and not cos I was in love with others, but rather hubby had been depending on me for every single things in the wedding. I paid for every single things. *Sigh*
I was Romed 6 mths back only...hoping that marriage could change him, but I am wrong. Till then, he is still jobless and hoping that I will be there for him. He leave me to no choice but to leave him. And he definitely wont take the initiative to look for me back. And now I feel that Im removing a heavy burden. Will bring his stuffs back to him later and take mine back.
Can I check do you know:
1) If i file seperation later, when will HDB take back my flat?
2) Next time i get flat, will it still be 1st timer or?
3) Seperation, shortest period how long?
4) Divorce?
5) How much is each proceeds?

Thanks for ur help...all the best


New Member
Dear all,
I am joining this group as Im opting for seperation. The fact that I am only married for 7 months don't allow me to do so. I will get a good lawyer and seek annulment.
I would like to seek help, as financially is quite tormenting cos im cancelling things myself and if any penalty, I will be paying, so i need a slightly affordable lawyer to help with my annulment.
Please email me at [email protected]


New Member
Hi Gin

i got married one month after urs. so sad...
can i clarify wht u mean by u can't opt for separation because u're only married for 7 months? btw annulment is technically better than seperation/divorce cos u get back ur single status.
correct me if i'm wrong.

ps whts the cut off for annulment? can i opt for annulment? we aredi had customary


New Member
Hi pancake,
I called a lawyer before...any marriage less than 3 years cant file for divorce. Annulment only goes for couples who got medical reasons (can be found through under 'NULLIFY'). Of cos if can annul would be good as you are able to get back your single status. I guess only if you had a good lawyer to fight for you, which is costly.

Usually la, after customary its hard to get annulment. Of cos they might be cases where after customary still can annul. I have not gone through customary but had gone through the hassle of smsing everyone in my guestlist that the wedding is cancelled. :'( Now in the midest of cancelling everything for the wedding despite I am only 1.5 mths to my customary. And afterwhich will be my HDB issue already. Initially we still fight so hard to get a flat of our own, now...all gone..


New Member
hi gin, i am not an active member of the forum but been following threads & reading up on advices, preparations of weddings etc. i remembered reading your cheerful posts on many topics.

care to share what happened? nothing can be done to salvage the marriage?

please take care.


New Member
Hi gypsy,
I been to counsellor, but he is not willing to go. It;s all up to him whether he can be responsible enough for this marriage or not. Its seriously too long to enact but my reason for calling off its bcos he is not doing wat a husband should do in a marriage. Not of EMA.