Support group - Divorce

[soonalone]

I asked the dad to make a decision to take the custody of the boy because I think it's a boy needs a male role model.

Also, the dad has been blaming me since day 1 of our marriage that I ruin his life. So, the only way I could free from the stress of being an evil is to make him make his own decision.

I got an email this morning that he will take custody of the boy.

During his decision-making, I actually stayed out and separated from the boy since Tue morning to yesterday night. I started to missed him yesterday and finally the boy called me. I could hear him crying over the phone and asking me to go back. I did go back last night but he has slept. This morning, I could see a very sweet smile which I've never seen before when he first woke up and saw me... I happily sent him to childcare.

So, now it's decided. I'm so sad and crying...

 

[pucca]

Hi everybody

I'm new here. I have a intention to divorce my hb now. I think I cannot stand his ways of doing things. I'm 23 and he is 8 yrs older than me and we have been married for 4 yr and have 2 small kids.

Does anyone divorce his husdand because he does not contribute anything(money) to the family. Any how spent money when he got a little more. He doesnt save his money for future use and if he got extra money, he will drink or gamble. And when he gamble, he doesnt think of whether he got the capital to lose or not. When he lost a lot of money, he will borrow from his friends or family member (I mean the amount in thousand). I only earning very little so I got no money to lend him. I am really very tired of all these.

Am I right to leave him. I'm worried abt my children and our HDB resaled flat. (less than 5 yrs, only a few mths old). Sorry I still got alot to say but I scare I too nagging.

I need advice on my custody on my children, and how am I going to do with my flat. And when shld I move out cos I haven tell him anything yet. We still have feeling for each other very much. Just that I do not wan to live this kind of life anymore.

 

[desert_moon]

Hi pucca,

Why not seek counselling first. DO think carefully you have 2 kids there. Well, there is different aspect of views to your point. So i suggest that you consider getting help first as you mention that both of you still got feelings for each other.

Settle this first before you think of divorce.
You can go to family court to find out about counselling as well as more info about children custody etc. Unless you are too lzy to read then we can explain to you. hahaha...pls seek help to mend both of you first though.

cheers
Cheers

 

[pucca]

Hi Lost Child

When I marry him, I dunno anything abt his a/c no, whether he got money to support me anot or wat, wat he is doing outside. I got no say cos he is very possesive.

Recently he use my name to buy a car. I told him I got no money to own a car with my salary and I still got 2 kids to feed. His salary also very little. He say never mind he shld be able to pay himself. So i agreed and let him buy, In the end, he no money pay for instal then I pay on behalf of him. ALmost 3/4 of my salary gone. And I also have bills to pay, and milk powder and pampers to buy. And he owe my parents alot of money, promised to pay every mth but in the end nothing. He always say he want to change. Yes for a while only.

Every mth we have been asking money from his parents and my parents. I think its a burden to my parents loh. As a married daughter I shld give them money every mth, but I didnt instead I ask money from them. Am I very unfilial? If I dun leave him, the problem is going to last forever. Cos he is so old already and still doesnt knw how to think.

Whether he received his pay anot. I dunno. I have no access to his bank a/c. He always say he no money. But when he need money, he will ask from pple and they will lend him. But ask him to pay us back, he will get angry and ask me dun pressure him. He think that the whole world SHOULD give him money. Wat is do is not wrong, he always think he is right. I dun bother to quarrel with him. If I do, he will turn violent, shout very loud, bang here and there.

So sometimes, I just dun wanna think. Let everyday pass very quickly and eagerly waits for my salary day. I have been doing this for coming to 4 yrs and I think its shld be the time to leave him.

 

[pucca]

Hi

Can someone advice me on wat shld I do after I tell him I wanna divorce. On that day, shld I stay at home or shift back to my parents place to sleep. If I go back to my parents place, then how abt my 2 kids. Shld I bring them together with me or leave the 2 of them with him or bring my baby and leave the elder 1 with him? Anybody has the same situation before?

I scare he will be violent and ask me to leave the kids behind and leave myself cos he love the kids very much.

 

[desert_moon]

Pucca,

Maybe you should seek help first and plan your move properly. Do not just jump straight in. You have been bearing it for 4 years. So just plan properly before you act.

You can apply for PPO (Police Protection Order) against him if he get violent against you and your kids.

As i put it..plan first, plan 3 steps ahead. You owe the kids that much too. Do not leave them feeling lost. Give them a firm ground that everything is in order.

Cheers

Strawberry - if you are the fairy..flying here and there..it time for you to appear now and give advice.

 

[dingo_beans]

E-d,

Glad that you've gone through the sad and crying stage. See that you're also putting yourself together and moving on. Juz a pointer, I read somewhere and had first hand encounters that this recovery process is not linear. So do be prepared for sudden sadness spike. (Eg. Festive season, birthdays, Anniversary or some times without any reason at all)

There are many in the group in similar situation with you. So today when I met up with the group, I asked how'come nobody replied your posting. The reply including my own sentiments is.. Your problem happens to many of us and there were many similar prior discussions either on or offline. So hope you understand that retyping the whole info is kinda tiring. (It requires one to go through similar thought process again). Like what Desert proposed, you might want to consider refering to earlier postings or discuss this via Yahoo Instant Messenger.

I see a lot that are in similar shoes as we were before. Lonely, hurt or lost in direction. But on the other hand, I also see that as a team members moves on, much of his/her valuable recovery process, efforts and resources depletes from the group together. As an effort to reciprocate what we've received, I've been thinking of consolidating all the valuable help and advises into a central repository. Regretfully, we've never managed to find this time and expertise to do it. Looking at the divorce statistics in Singapore, I believe there's a lot out there crying alone in despair and don't know where to get help. Know that the chances are slim.. but anybody care to help?

E-d: Re your issue with furnitures and fittings. Will need more info re your financial situation or future plans. As a suggestion, you can leave them with some of our empty houses (T: I'll be moving to new place soon. Want to leave your piano with me?) or for longer duration, there are warehouses for such purposes. Alternatively, if you choose to sell them, there are classified ads or online garage sales (This forum is one good site with many newly weds building their love nest and are not superstitous)

Hope this helps.

 

[d_in_progress]

Hi Dingo beans,
Thank you for the kind advise.
Its nice to know that people here do share the same thoughts as compared to my friends who do not understand what we divorcees are going thru.

Get kinda of weird feeling when I see him last week.

Will be going for the hearing next week.
Its pity that we did not attend any counselling before we decide to look for the lawyer. I guess it would be the same if either party is not willingly to give it a try.

Like what you have said, life stil have to go on. Its not as if the whole world will stop.


We have sorted out the furniture issue.. guess will keep whatever we have back home.
P/S: No piano in the hse so cant put it at ur place.

 

[strawberry78]

Lost child, no fairy leh * just a damn busy separated working mom with 24 hrs a day

anyway, Pucca - you are only 23 yrs old, even younger than me, I tot i am young 26 but you even younger! Got chance lar

)

But like LC says, you need to plan and think carefully. Not child's play

1. your HB is your children's father
2. even if you divorce, financials may or may not improve, unless you manage to obtain monthly child support and keep your money separate

But i think for your case, better get court protection first, easier to divorce and make claims later, chalk up evidence.

That being said, you need to think twice because its always better for a child to have two parents by their side. For your case, you have two kids somemore. I am part of a single moms support group, email me if you like to join, quite helpful since most of us went through the same s**t in the first place.

take care!

 

[xlk]

hi my fellow xlk peers;

heard u guys & gals have a wonderful sat night??? wu enjoy bo?? haha! me bo bian join u all due to work commitment, next round sure join in. Got miss me bo??

cheers...xlk

 

[crisp]

Hi my fellow buddies,


Ya loh you're not here... left out some fun without you leh... clipart{sad}
Hehehe...

cya...

belle

 

[redstar202]

XLK,
We got new stories to tell you! Hahaha!! The legend of the 7-up Merlion is no longer relevant liao.... hee hee.....

Wanna hear more?

 

[cranberries_76]

Hi... I'm having some problems in my marriage and considering divorce/annulment but am not too sure about the procedures and stuff like that. I hope you guys can give me some advice. I'm also feeling really down and I'm unable to talk to my friends and family cos no one seems to be able to understand what I am going through. I need someone to talk to... How can I join the group?

 

[strawberry78]

cranberries76, are you a girl or guy? we have support group for single moms and divorcing, divorced ladies....so I can loop in there. If not, there's a spore brides divorce support group here.

i am a separated mom to a one year old boy, we have separated for half a year now, let me know if you have any questions, will try to answer.

 

[cranberries_76]

Strawberry78,
I am a gal and ROM for almost 3 years, no children. My husband has been neglecting me for the past 1.5 years and treating me coldly. I found out not too long ago that he is actually having an affair outside. I was able to endure his physical abuse and his shortcomings, but after finding out about the affair, i just can't take it anymore.....
He left me alone to fend for myself when i needed a man by my side and he's having fun outside with someone else!! I just can't accept that!

I just wish to ask for opinions if an annulment is still possible, or should i go for a divorce instead?

 

[strawberry78]

cranberries76,
since you got no children, an annulment is possible if it is less than 3 years, annulment is alot better than divorce since you get back your single status again - you'll need to seek lawyer advice fast if you want annul route.

But maybe you could consider talking and finding our what's the problem in your marriage before calling it quits.

Alternatively, divorce requires (normally) three years separation if marriage is less than three years. Or you can backdate the separation to make it happen faster, or you can file for divorce under unreasonable behavior.

Again, maybe should see counsellor? The email support group is asiansololadies, you can email me your email address and I can introduce you to the group, the moderator can add you.

Take care, but your case is still salvageable, unless there is violent abuse involved, then better call it quits before its too late.

 

[desert_moon]

hi cranberries,

Sorry to hear about your situation.
Strawberry has given her advice. Guess when you ask all of us, we may have different opinion as we have different views. There is no right or wrong answer. This is one thing i have learn for sure.

It is ultimately YOU! What you feel you can take and wat you want in the end.

If you want to go for annulment you will definitely need his agreement as well. In this situation you should talk to a lawyer before you decide.

You are welcome to join us. Tomorrow we are gathering at one of the member's home as he stays alone and another is going to cook for us.

You are welcome to join us. Sms me at 94336009.
Will tie down with you on place etc. If you are more comfortable having a lady to call you, do let me know.

Take Care and hang in there

 

[at lost]

Hi

Any lawyer for recommendation for annul? Can email to [email protected]
thks very much....

another query... i had a house for less then 3 yrs. if obtained annul, understand that the house will be return back to HDB. But, how much $ do we need to pay back to HDB? Is it the 30K grant + the price diff from the buying & selling price? if true, then its huge lots of $$.
Any other way out?

If go for seperation, then divorce. How will the housing thing be settled then? wait for 5 years to sell it at open mkt?

Thks for advising...

 

[dingo_beans]

Always believe in building my love nest with my own hands.

I can still vividly remember..

Hand drilled all the ceiling light-fittings trapping dusk in my eyes.
fixed water heaters in all the toilets and getting electric shocked.
Bought infra-red switches from HK to rewire powerlines and installed multi-roomed audio-video system.
Even customized and assembled the kitchen cabinet all by myself sleeping exhausted in saw dusts.
screwing-in the oven hood (picking up the dropped screws with my toes, while supporting with my forehead)

Have always been proud of this nest I built and hosted many parties inviting many friends.

For those that know me. I've sold away this nest and let go of this dream.

"MOVE ON!! evake this place and start a new life!"

Yeah.. yeah.. I know. Thought I've outgrown my sorrow and regain my life.

Wait till you go to HDB to sign the contract. Flashes of memory..
waiting in queue to select the flat.
Visiting construction sites predicting date of completion.
sleeping in the new but empty house but contented cuddling in your newly owned privacy.

Do you know that selling your flat entails HDB officer checking for illegal installations?
So within a day, I tore down all the wirings painstalkenly designed and connected.
So out they go in thresbins, but I can't throw my memories away.
So In the holes I filled with cements, but I can't ment my heart away.

The bleeding continues...

 

[encourage]

Hi Dingo,

Understand how you feel.

Life sucks, this is what the world is make up of.. happy, sad, frustrated, irritated..and on and on... stories. That's what all these that make the world spin and make us grow.... over years we all grow to become better? or stronger? or whatever?.... but life continues with new charter everyday.... so friend...look ahead, let bygone be passing clouds, move on and meet new challenges.... best of luck to you...

 

[broken]

Strawberries78, you mentioned that annulment is possible is marriage is less than 3 years and no kids? Husband and I have been married for slightly over two years.Marriage not working out. Still possible to get an annulment?

 

[strawberry78]

Broken,
Can...get annul but I am not a lawyer so you might want to find out from one

I been going through cycles of playing around with Ba Zi, realized that shucks, I should have married later and that HB and I aren't even suitable to become husband and wife...

Sign. I didn't believe in Ba Zi before I married him. Now, two years older and after going through marriage hell, I think its better to evaluate your own life path and gain self-awareness. It'll help alot in making a wiser choice.

Back to your case - if no kids, 2 yrs - can file under non-consummate reason, works esp well if there is no customary yet.

Good luck!

Try to find out if your marriage is salvageable perhaps?

 

[blue_whale]

hi all,
i would like to know how long does the whole divorce process takes to complete?those who have filed for divorce b4, can advice me on this? cos i heard 3 mths but i see pple taking as long as 6 mths to settle.. can somebody advise me?

thks so much..

 

[meimei15]

Hi Blue whale

I'll tell you next month if the 3 mths is valid or not.

Hi Dingo

Can understand how u feel. You have to be strong, okie?

 

[blue_whale]

Hi meimei15,
thks very much..

 

[redstar202]

Dingo,
If the bleeding can stop that effortlessly, the pain healed that quickly, or the memories thrown away, then one isn't truly in love.

As much as one wants to quickly move on and recover from the hurt, it is a fact that time is of essence. All of us are really glad that you are on the road to recovery, but that road is long and tough and there is still a long way to go.

All we can look is to look forward. What is in the past has already passed. Of course that is easier said than done

, but you can do it!

 

[small wigwam]

Dingo,
Me agree with Ice.
The capabilities and sensibilities you've displayed in the past and currently show that you have more than what it takes to move on meaningfully.

 

[strawberry78]

Dingo,
Look forward to your new home lor

 

[broken]

Hi Strawberry78, thanks. Read your story above. I think you're very brave and mature for someone your age. Hubby and I are trying to give the marriage a second shot. Problem is during our period of separation, I met someone else who is the man of my dreams. And he has proposed to me. I dont know what to do. On one hand, I want to be true to my vows and stick w my marriage, on the other hand, I'm afraid to give up my dream guy and regret it. Also, if I want to remarry, I dont wnat the divorce to take years. So hopefully, an annulment will do. We have a house together so will have to split property.

 

[cocobaby]

Hi.... learn about this support group recently. I really hope to get advise from all of you there.

My 3 years separation ends at August'05 and definitely will file for divorce immediately. I am abit confused about the procedure as my ex (hubby) willing to file divorce now. I called up my lawyer and told him about my good news but he didn't give me much advise and his service seems lousy and he is not attentive enough for me!

I wonder am I able to:
1) seek for another laywer to file for divorce?
2) Must I tell the new laywer about the separation deed which is not up to 3 years yet?
3) I have sold my flat already but only on 27 Dec'04 is the final completion (hand over the keys to buyer and get back $ and CPF). Is it adviseable to file for divorce after 27 Dec? If file b4 27Dec, must I tell the lawyer about my HDB? (As what I know, the lawyer must send a letter to HDB about the flat.)
4)If file for divorce in Dec'04, how long does it takes to get the D.N.A? 3 or 6 months? Some say, it's depends which month you file for it?
5) Is it true that divorce can be done earlier as my friend gf filed 3 months earlier, so she only took 2yrs 9mths separation + 5 months for petition = 3yrs 2 mths in total.)

Please advise me further if I miss out anything! Thks!

 

[like to know]

Hi all,

Can the marriage be annulled even the DOS has been signed?

Please advise.. Thks..

 

[cocobaby]

Hi Like to know,

Seems like no response from support group for my query too but good news is... I managed to get some advices from a not so close friend who is undergoing the divorce proceeding.

She say that I can go to another lawyer without telling him that I have done a DOS before. DOS is just a safeguard and protecting yourself away from your ex to step into your personnal life again. For your info, your present laywer will not file your DOS to court.

Sorry, I cannot answer much about whether marriage be annulled. As for me, my marriage last for 6 years than I file for DOS. My DOS still left 8 months and now, my ex willing to opt for divorce.

 

[dingo_beans]

Hi Coco,

Can only answer qns that I know:
3. You should not file for divorce before completion in selling your flat. According to HDB estate officer, there cannot be two concurrent proceedings going on simultaneously. From what I heard, HDB will suspense the completion till any divorce proceedings are reversed or worst still, void sale of flat to pend for outcome from matrimonial court.

4. Generally speaking, 6 months.

To all that have posted your words of encouragement for me.. thank you. Am pulling myself back together. Yep, life gotta move on. This weekend, ex-brother in-laws are coming to move remainding of her stuff away.

Another round of blues on the way.

 

[cocobaby]

Thanks Dingo,

I readed thru' the past forum and sorry to learned about your matters. But I am happy for you that you are very near to be strong again.

Like to share something which I read from a book which I find it's very true - 1) Divorce might not be a bad choice as it can convert into 4 person happiness. 2) If your spouse decided to leave you (even you have tried your very best to save the marriage) , let him/her go. It was because Heaven is taking away him/her, who shouldn't be part of your life. You deserve someone even better than him/her!

I might not know the whole story of yours. But hope you able understand that your ex is undergoing alot of stress too! If not, why she get her relatives to move her stuffs? I am in the same shoe as her before, cos' in the very first stage, I move my stuffs when he is not around. But now, we starts to talk like old friends again.

I hope you well......... please starts to plan and think of your near future again!

 

[hopeful]

hi wld like to ask ur guys some qns..
1. When do u know that u are at peace with ur decision to divorce?
2. Are u not afraid of socil stigma or sometimes pple stares?
3. Where to find e courage to divorce?

Haizz...there are so many things to consider.. some more got a child. The child is innocent. I hope to give e child a complete family, but sometimes it is not easy. Hope that someone can share with me.
Thanks

 

[cocobaby]

Sally,

Seems like the others in support group quite busy... You didn't mention much what's happening in your marriage. (hope you can share) So, as for your questions, I hope I can share base on my opinions & what I have been thru' only.

1. In your mind only 'I', not 'We' anymore!!!! When you are strong enough to fight for your happiness coz' you love yourself more than anything.

2. In the first stage, I am so stressed out! I need to face lots of people from the church. As they made calls and asked me out to talk etc..... (but still I know I made no mistake) As for my family and friends side, it's quite ok as long you talk to them and they will understand and respected your decisions. For society, your face will not reflects with indications saying that you are getting divource! Filling up forms, etc.. just tick 'Single'!

3. It's in your heart....... find it! It's rather depends what kind of situation you are in! Abusive husband, adultery... etc?

Got a child? Starts to think and plan your future after divorce. Ask yourself what you really want in life!

My girlfriend wif a child is still living together wif her husband but in separate rooms. But they still go out and do things together as a family. Both of them come to terms and agreement that they will wait till their child past childhood period then file for divorce.

Lastly, are you willing to wait and hold on for 12 years till your child is mature to understand and accept the truth?

 

[strawberry78]

Sally,
I am a separated mom to a 15 month baby boy. To your questions, when I finally came to terms with the separation, divorce, I felt only peace at heart, even happiness that I made the right decision.

Cocobaby,
What about the part you mentioned about Heaven taking away partner? I think its true, perhaps he or she don't have the good fortune to be with you. Tell me more about the book, its really interesting.

I think its really fate that makes two people meet, and destiny that decides the length they stay together. So if its meant to end, let it go.

 

[cocobaby]

strawberry78,

I love to read .... and too many books already. I strongly believe that reading can open your heart and broaden your mind. The more you read and the wider choice of books you choose makes a person grows more mature - mentally. I will locate this book in my boxes and let you know very soon..... CHEERS!

 

[lost and blue]

I have signed the DOS last year. Can I make any changes during the hearing date?

 

[dingo_beans]

Sally,

You might want to take a look at
http://www.bible.com/answers/adivorce.html
Love is a Choice and hope that you'll find peace.
Take care.

 

[dingo_beans]

I’ve to start packing.

After staying in this house for 6 years, much barangs have we accumulated.
Rather than stuffing everything into boxes, I've chosen the painful way to organize.

From old magazines to old clothes.
From Ikea lights that are still in-a-box to wedding gifts still in-a-box.
From routine grocery notes to smoochy birthday cards.
From her everyday toothbrushes and slippers to souvenirs and photo albums we’ve collected travelling the world together.

Like a movie, flashes of memory are rewinding and flooding back.

I’ve been longing to escape from this cell filled with her faces and footsteps.
Day by day the dateline to evacuate from this house is drawing closer.
But now, day by day I’m daunting its’ arrival.

Looking at the empty space that once laid our favourite sofa, I recall the intimate moments we shared cuddling the lovely moments.
Looking at the vase lying in the pile waiting to be thrown away, I remember her lovely smile surprised by the flowers I arranged for her.

Vase is still here, but she's gone.
To throw or to keep?
Pain now or defer later?
There’s only so much hurt one can bear at a moment.

 

[cocobaby]

Hi, Strawberry78 and anyone who is keen about this book.

Sorry for the late reply! I bought the book from Popular Bookshop.

The book wrote by ERIC WU and the title is "THE SECRETS OF HAPPINESS, DISCOVER THE SECRETS OF HAPPINESS.

Hope you well......after reading!



.

 

[strawberry78]

Thanks Coco,
Time flies, been so busy these days, I don't miss him anymore...in fact, life has never been more complete and exciting. Got to live for myself, family, BB, and all who have supported me through the past six months. Cheers to 2005!

 

[cocobaby]

Strawberry78 or anyone out there,

I having problems in dumping away wedding photos & portraits.

May I know how you get rid of your previous wedding photos?

As for me, I managed to torn all of them but having problems for those laminated into frame.
Do you send them for burning or just dump in the rubbish chute with your face on it?

 

[strawberry78]

Coco,
I didn't want a wedding, as I felt that the marriage was quite unstable even right from the start due to in laws problems - and boy, am I glad I didn't have a wedding because it would be even harder to explain what's happening now.

But reckoned if you don't have kids and want a clean break, you can wrap them up and put in the storeroom in a box or something - if you are not mentally ready to throw them away yet.

I have no idea about those that can't be torn, perhaps same thing, can wrap up and throw down the chute? I try to be neutral about ex unless he comes and disturb me again. But for my case, the relationship can't be dissolved overnight just like that cos got child involved. We'll forever be parents to BB like it or not....

So will have to be adults and act diplomatic even though divorcing. Got another life involve lor.

 

[support_group]

ALL LIVING IN THE DARK,

A FLASHBACK...


So many stories heard..
all so similar but all so unique.
What is marriage meant to one?
What is the meaning of life?
More importantly, how should I move on?

So many similar souls here..
all so similar but all so unique.
A listening ear another to is never too many, eh?
Thanks to all as it's been really therapeutic.

Listening ears of one breakup story after another.
Sorry but, like ah-so watching soap operas giving recommendations of "aiya! This is what I'd do la!!"
Is that all we can offer?
Stories seems all so similar but all so unique.

Unlike what we see from the movies, our group don't do things such as
"Hello I'm Michael".
(Everybody in the room reply "Welcome, Michael. Tell us your story..")
Edgie.. siao!!
ha..

Meetings have never been for buayaing..
as I see each member (guys n gals) having their own charisma and sources of energy to move on.

Meetings have also never been formal..
as across all boundaries, we share something similar deep within.
Assimiliation is faster then we ever know.
We've ah-bengs and ah-lians, handsome and pretty, .. like me cursing and swearing KNNs! about my wife..

Sadness is indeed contageous.
Meeting up in a group, sighing, pitying each other is not something we do.
Tying our hands and jump off Bukit Timah is the last thing we'll do.

Constructive thoughts, upbeat! funny and learning things in perspective that I've never perceived:

Following outline several topics:

Living alone in your matrimonial home:
- How to answer those busy body neighbour about "where is your wife/husband?"
- How to handle mopping an empty room. Especially the only time you visit them is when you mop them?
- How to save your electrical bills.
- How to eat economically and healthily living alone. (Maggie is bad for you)
- How to handle Popping in your heart, hearing someone opening the door.. hoping that it's your spouse coming back but discovered later it's a false alarm?

Inlaws and friends
- Which would you prefer? Sudden death of seeing everything moved out or helping your wife to move and wave her off into her mother's home?
- Do you break the news immediately to your inlaws or wait till both of you are ready?
- Do you pretend nothing is happening and regularly go to inlaw place for dinner as if nothing has happened?
- Lie to your colleagues and family is PAINFUL and UNBEARABLE (u need help urself).. but should you delaly and break this news when both of you are more prepared to handle the situation?

Legal matters
While none in the group so far are lawyers but..
- What to look out for when you look for a matrimonial lawyer.
- Types of divorce. (I Wanna SUE my wife for adultery.. sorry, no can do in SG. But.. why?)
- Procedures and duration. (What is absolute decree)
- Considerations in determining the matrimonial properties, child custody and alimony
- Why should you Keep all your town council receipts, electrical bills?


How to get over the blues?
- Wanna go through a Self test questionair if you're suffering from a depression?
- First hand encounter of going to see a family/marriage councilor and psychiatrist. (big joke..)
- Depression and insomia medication: Where to get them, types and the clinical implications.


Living thereafter:
- Means of finding motivations in living healthy
- Alcohol and self destruction is bad. How to overcome? (er.. I need help on this. Who can help?)
- Did you quit your job and how long have you been outta job because of this trauma?
- What are the short term and achievable goals you can make to help you to move on?
- Is help group really useful? I've friends that I can talk to.. but can they REALLY understand how I feel? In my opinion, no one can comprehend better then someone in the same shoe.
- We know it's important not to jump from one relationship to another. Feel in the void and recover first. But how do you know when you are ready?
- Meaning of life and religious discussion about why this is happening to me (Whatever your religion is..)


So many stories heard..
all so similar but all so unique.
Com'on. It's a cold society we're living in.
Do your civic duty.
Share your story, help each other and be helped out. DON'T LIVE IN THE DARK BY YOURSELF, THERE'S ARRAY OF LIGHTS HERE!

TILL TODATE, WE HAVE ABOUT 25 MEMBERS THAT HAVE JOINED IN. AND MOST OF THEM OR SHOULD SAID THAT ALL OF THEM HAVE GUIDED EACH OTHER TO STEP ON WITH LIFE!

We arrange weekly meets and chat online.. join us if you want.
We have been travelling overseas and organising healthy events/sports, clubbing, partying at members house and the list goes on and on... Just to be happy and step on with life.

 

[hopeful]

can anyone tell the how to go abt divorce.. Must separate first or can just get a divorce? Who to go to?
Tks a lot

 

[integra]

sally,

can get details frm here
http://www.singaporebrides.com/forumboard/messages/5/162621.html?1103677768

 

[hopeful]

Hi pple thanks for sharing..
Just one mth ago, i found out that my Hb had an affair with a china woman in china whom he met in his business trip in June.. When I heard the news, i was devastated. Even though I had been suspecting him for the past few months, deep inside me, I was hoping that it is not the true..However, that night, he told me everything and that he likes that woman a lot..And he asked for a divorce..
I told him to give our marriage another chance for the sake of our gal who is only 16 months. He agreed after much begging.
One month has passed from then.. We attended counselling. but did not talk. I just could not face him. Dunoo wat to talk to him.. I am very hurt. Once, I tot i cld give him a chance and work out the marriage but now.. think i am too tired. He is not making any effort the salvage the marriage. Well, maybe we can stay on together living as housemates. IS it possible? I think not! Life still has to go on. Now that I have found inner strength to leave him, I think I should.
Anyone advise me? Do u think i shd give him more time. He is still contacting that lady in china. In fact, he has given her a sum of money as biz venture, biz partners.. So, there is no ending story betw them.

 

[xlk]

sally,

i know u r tired, but do u think it is worth salvage? if it is worth,then hold on to it,he never put in effort, in wat manners? but come to love, someone has to sacrifice, bo bian. try giving him more time. For my case i m beri depressed & tired in the 1st stage when my wife want to annul our marriage,to me seem like the world is coming to an end,I nearly commit suicide,but luckily never cos lim Pey kia si(scare of death), kidding only,so by chance I met this support group "peng yiu"(friends),i was not alone, by sharing one another problems, I realised my mistake, i am able to stand up on my own, now lim pey is waking up & awaiting her to return to me.What she want to do carry on, me supporting her, so long she happy. But of cos trying to woo her back lah, thats my 1st pripority!

Your hb really "kong Kum"(stupid), give Tiong Gok char bor $$$, when no money,then he will wake up his idea, see if that char bor still love him, then he will cry cry come back & look for u. This is from my opinion. Beri pai seh have to use broken english lah...use proper english will invite tiong Gok char bor complaints...xlk cannot survive here.

Hi support group Bros & sisters, knn u all better give some advise to Sally. Mai ka lim Pey idle hor hahaha!