Should I get marriage with a woman 10 years older than me?

gettinglost

New Member
I met her at work. She is in mid 30s beautiful, mature and caring. I am in mid 20s energetic,warmhearted and humorous. Though we have huge age gap, we both love each other. We have been in love for months until now. We promise each other we will not have sex before marriage.

I know she need a marriage urgently due to her age. So I sought my family for advice and she sought hers as well.

The result was: both families were against this marriage due to ten years age difference.

Her family worries I might betray her after 10 years when I will be at my prime while she will be going down the hill.

My family worries that we may have many problems after 10 years when I reach my prime while she will be in menopause state. My family also have concern that she may not be able to give birth to healthy babies due to her age.

So now I am in a dilemma.

If I were to marry her, we may disappoint both side of our parents deeply. I need to quit my current job and we need to confront all the shocks and negative comments from our friends and families. Besides, we are also at risk of having healthy babies given her age. In the future, we may probably get divorced due to huge age gap as predicted by both families.

If I were not to marry her, I need to break up with her soon since I can't delay her for another months or so. She need a marriage which I can't offer her. I will hurt her deeply sine she love me so much. I still need to quit my job since she would not want to see me anymore.

So what should I do? I am now in pain. I hope anybody could contribute your thoughts to me whether positive or negative. Greatly appreciated!!
 


Zachary

New Member
shouldn't be difficult what.

nobody can decide for you except yourself. you already know the pros and cons. it's whether if you have the courage to face the consequences should you decide to move on with the relationship or move off / away from it.

the choice is yours

regarding quitting your job, unless you company is 10 pax small or she is your direct supervisor, chances are you don't need to leave unless you feel psychologically obligated to. but i won't if i'm in your shoes.
 

SierraCD

New Member
To be honest, you have to see whether you will be able to spend your future and dedicate yourself to her.
No one can decide for you and you have listed the pros and cons.

If age gap is of such importance, then you also have to note that ladies on average live 7 years longer than men.

It's your decision, most likely at this point you are probably swayed by both your families reasons why both of you should not get married.

The key issue is not whether both of you should get married BUT if both of you are compatible for each other.

Whether or not you are at your prime, is irrelevant, if you love her you would be dedicated to her.

And as Zachary said, there's no point quitting your job just because you may break up. In the end, it's a mutual understanding, whether or not if it's awkward, is what you make of it.
 

gettinglost

New Member
To be honest, you have to see whether you will be able to spend your future and dedicate yourself to her.
No one can decide for you and you have listed the pros and cons.

If age gap is of such importance, then you also have to note that ladies on average live 7 years longer than men.

It's your decision, most likely at this point you are probably swayed by both your families reasons why both of you should not get married.

The key issue is not whether both of you should get married BUT if both of you are compatible for each other.

Whether or not you are at your prime, is irrelevant, if you love her you would be dedicated to her.

And as Zachary said, there's no point quitting your job just because you may break up. In the end, it's a mutual understanding, whether or not if it's awkward, is what you make of it.
Thanks for your advice. Yes, I have listed pros and cons and I need to decide for myself.

However there some questions which I may need your further advice:
1) About quitting job:
We are in a big company with thousands of employees. However we are in the same team. Actually she works closely with me. So whether we were to marry or break up, do you think I need to quit my job based on this situation?
2) About babies:
I understand she already passed her prime age to give birth to babies. However, in Singapore, may I know when do couples give birth to their first child? How old would be the ladies usually?
 

gettinglost

New Member
shouldn't be difficult what.

nobody can decide for you except yourself. you already know the pros and cons. it's whether if you have the courage to face the consequences should you decide to move on with the relationship or move off / away from it.

the choice is yours

regarding quitting your job, unless you company is 10 pax small or she is your direct supervisor, chances are you don't need to leave unless you feel psychologically obligated to. but i won't if i'm in your shoes.
Thanks for your thoughts.

Yes, we work in a big organization. However, we are in the same team and work very closely. May I check if you will quit the job if you were in my shoes based on this situation?
 

ing1

Active Member
Thanks for your thoughts.

Yes, we work in a big organization. However, we are in the same team and work very closely. May I check if you will quit the job if you were in my shoes based on this situation?
Since it's a big organisation, thats ez. Request to transfer to another team or dept? So no need to quit job.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Thanks for your advice. Yes, I have listed pros and cons and I need to decide for myself.

However there some questions which I may need your further advice:
1) About quitting job:
We are in a big company with thousands of employees. However we are in the same team. Actually she works closely with me. So whether we were to marry or break up, do you think I need to quit my job based on this situation?
2) About babies:
I understand she already passed her prime age to give birth to babies. However, in Singapore, may I know when do couples give birth to their first child? How old would be the ladies usually?

There is no prime age that one gives birth to first child.of course,the earlier the better.but it doesn't mean that older ladies are not advised to give birth.There are cases where older ladies give birth to healthy babies.

With regards to continuing the relationship,it depends on how much u love her.there is no right and wrong on whether to accept or not.if really love,be bold.if not just let go.
 

newproject

Active Member
Thanks for your advice. Yes, I have listed pros and cons and I need to decide for myself.

However there some questions which I may need your further advice:
1) About quitting job:
We are in a big company with thousands of employees. However we are in the same team. Actually she works closely with me. So whether we were to marry or break up, do you think I need to quit my job based on this situation?
2) About babies:
I understand she already passed her prime age to give birth to babies. However, in Singapore, may I know when do couples give birth to their first child? How old would be the ladies usually?

Ah Woman in their 30s are wonderful. For me it's where they peak in beauty and attractiveness (complete package of personality and looks). I myself married a woman in her early 30s, our age difference was almost 10 too but in the other direction so nobody cared.

Median age for first time mothers in 2015 was 30.3 that is half of first time motherhood is 30 years or older. Still that's what people are doing not necessarily prime age.

I believe normally medically, "elderly primigravidas" or "elderly pregnancy" is defined as pregnancy at 35 and above.

Of course these days it's pretty common many 1st time or 2nd time mums are 35 and older and newer studies are showing it isn't as bad as some paint it.

I think it depends on how old she actually is, mid 30 means 33-36? Are you exactly 10 years younger?

If you want kids you will need to get marry asap but how long have you been dating? My fear is you will rush into marriage because of this.

Are you two really compatible? Similar educational backgrounds? Interests? She's 10 years older is her career significantly more advanced than yours or is it roughly the same? If the former can you accept?

The work thing isn't so bad, do people know now? There many be company policies on this, but I guess most companies will just do a transfer to remove conflicts of interest if you together.

No matter what consider carefully, I wish you all the best.
 

gettinglost

New Member
Ah Woman in their 30s are wonderful. For me it's where they peak in beauty and attractiveness (complete package of personality and looks). I myself married a woman in her early 30s, our age difference was almost 10 too but in the other direction so nobody cared.

Median age for first time mothers in 2015 was 30.3 that is half of first time motherhood is 30 years or older. Still that's what people are doing not necessarily prime age.

I believe normally medically, "elderly primigravidas" or "elderly pregnancy" is defined as pregnancy at 35 and above.

Of course these days it's pretty common many 1st time or 2nd time mums are 35 and older and newer studies are showing it isn't as bad as some paint it.

I think it depends on how old she actually is, mid 30 means 33-36? Are you exactly 10 years younger?

If you want kids you will need to get marry asap but how long have you been dating? My fear is you will rush into marriage because of this.

Are you two really compatible? Similar educational backgrounds? Interests? She's 10 years older is her career significantly more advanced than yours or is it roughly the same? If the former can you accept?

The work thing isn't so bad, do people know now? There many be company policies on this, but I guess most companies will just do a transfer to remove conflicts of interest if you together.

No matter what consider carefully, I wish you all the best.
Thanks so much for your reply. Appreciate it.

She is 36 while I am 25. We share same education background(she is my senior actually) , interest and so on.

Career wise, she is very successful while I am a new babe. I don't mind if she is more advanced in career. In fact, I won't accept a woman who is roughly same as me in career when much older than me.

We are currently underground, so no one at work knows. Yes, I may ask for transfer if needed.

I have thought about it, there are three things I don't have answer to myself.

1) Will I be strong enough to ignore the negative comments from our friends, families and societies.
2) Will she grow much older and wrinkly in 10 or 20 years time?
3) Will I still love her when she become old and wrinkly?

If I could answer yes to all these 3 questions, I guess I am ready to give a try. However, I am not ready yet.
 

newproject

Active Member
Thanks so much for your reply. Appreciate it.

She is 36 while I am 25. We share same education background(she is my senior actually) , interest and so on.

Career wise, she is very successful while I am a new babe. I don't mind if she is more advanced in career. In fact, I won't accept a woman who is roughly same as me in career when much older than me.

We are currently underground, so no one at work knows. Yes, I may ask for transfer if needed.

I have thought about it, there are three things I don't have answer to myself.

1) Will I be strong enough to ignore the negative comments from our friends, families and societies.
2) Will she grow much older and wrinkly in 10 or 20 years time?
3) Will I still love her when she become old and wrinkly?

If I could answer yes to all these 3 questions, I guess I am ready to give a try. However, I am not ready yet.

11 years diff. Hate to say it but woman harder to maintain as they grow older.

Still your comments betray you. The way you phrase it, "older and wrinkly" and mention it twice!

No offense kid but even if you same age or older, eventually you will see your wife get older.

You sound very very young, dating only a few months, I think might be good to end it before it goes too far.

But that's just me, what do you love about her anyway?

Is this your first r/s?

I think for this type of r/s you need to be sure.

You say you love her if so the fact you wavering so easily isn't a good sign I think.
 

nanastar

New Member
Thanks so much for your reply. Appreciate it.

She is 36 while I am 25. We share same education background(she is my senior actually) , interest and so on.

Career wise, she is very successful while I am a new babe. I don't mind if she is more advanced in career. In fact, I won't accept a woman who is roughly same as me in career when much older than me.

We are currently underground, so no one at work knows. Yes, I may ask for transfer if needed.

I have thought about it, there are three things I don't have answer to myself.

1) Will I be strong enough to ignore the negative comments from our friends, families and societies.
2) Will she grow much older and wrinkly in 10 or 20 years time?
3) Will I still love her when she become old and wrinkly?

If I could answer yes to all these 3 questions, I guess I am ready to give a try. However, I am not ready yet.

To me, a marriage works base on love, trust, commitment, common goals. The rest don't matter. Families are families, no matter what, they will not be as mean as the public eyes. Friends who are truly your friends, won't mind the age gap of your partner. They will be more cautions about her characters and personality. And you were not born to please others. You were born to live your life to the fullest. People who are gonna gossip are gonna gossip. You can't stop them. But honestly, no one cares that your partner is 10 years old than you. Moreover, we are in the 21th century, you are not the first young man to be with a mature woman. And half of the people reading this post don't even give a shit that your partner is 10 years older. They won't tell the world that the know some guy that has a partner that's 10 years older after reading this. Life goes on as normal. Also, when you both go out, you don't tell all the strangers your age, no one knows the age gap between your wife and you.

There lots of example of young man, mature woman. Look at the french president. President and his wife have a 24 years age gap. And your gf is only 10 years older.

Also, who says you can't give birth to healthy babies? Fan Wong gave birth at the age of 43, her kid don't look like a retard to me. There are a lot of celebrities that gave birth during their mid 30's to early 40's. Freak not.

When you love truly love someone, looks don't matter. And it's proven. The french president love his wife since he was a student and up till now, his love for her didn't change. If you start to question whether will you love her when she is old, maybe you don't love her enough. When you truly love someone, you don't question your love for her. If you know believe me, ask your married friends, have they thought of your question? Moreover, when she grows old, you grow old too. And the goal of most couples relationship is to grow old together.

From all the things that you wrote, in my opinion, you don't love her enough. Read the 3 questions you wrote. All of them are about your pride and your face. If you truly love her, these question will not be there.
 

Katejake

New Member
The 3 questions only proved 1 thing. You don't truly love her. Hope you think things through carefully and make the right decision for both of you.
 

gettinglost

New Member
11 years diff. Hate to say it but woman harder to maintain as they grow older.

Still your comments betray you. The way you phrase it, "older and wrinkly" and mention it twice!

No offense kid but even if you same age or older, eventually you will see your wife get older.

You sound very very young, dating only a few months, I think might be good to end it before it goes too far.

But that's just me, what do you love about her anyway?

Is this your first r/s?

I think for this type of r/s you need to be sure.

You say you love her if so the fact you wavering so easily isn't a good sign I think.
Thanks for your comment and sorry for my 3 questions.

I am young and naive, that's also why I throw out these 3 questions in the internet.

About what do I love about her?

I guess I was attracted to her looks, her figure and her success. You are right, this is my first r/s. So guess my r/s is more related to appearance.

She said she love my inside however, for me, I love her more from outside.
 

gettinglost

New Member
To me, a marriage works base on love, trust, commitment, common goals. The rest don't matter. Families are families, no matter what, they will not be as mean as the public eyes. Friends who are truly your friends, won't mind the age gap of your partner. They will be more cautions about her characters and personality. And you were not born to please others. You were born to live your life to the fullest. People who are gonna gossip are gonna gossip. You can't stop them. But honestly, no one cares that your partner is 10 years old than you. Moreover, we are in the 21th century, you are not the first young man to be with a mature woman. And half of the people reading this post don't even give a shit that your partner is 10 years older. They won't tell the world that the know some guy that has a partner that's 10 years older after reading this. Life goes on as normal. Also, when you both go out, you don't tell all the strangers your age, no one knows the age gap between your wife and you.

There lots of example of young man, mature woman. Look at the french president. President and his wife have a 24 years age gap. And your gf is only 10 years older.

Also, who says you can't give birth to healthy babies? Fan Wong gave birth at the age of 43, her kid don't look like a retard to me. There are a lot of celebrities that gave birth during their mid 30's to early 40's. Freak not.

When you love truly love someone, looks don't matter. And it's proven. The french president love his wife since he was a student and up till now, his love for her didn't change. If you start to question whether will you love her when she is old, maybe you don't love her enough. When you truly love someone, you don't question your love for her. If you know believe me, ask your married friends, have they thought of your question? Moreover, when she grows old, you grow old too. And the goal of most couples relationship is to grow old together.

From all the things that you wrote, in my opinion, you don't love her enough. Read the 3 questions you wrote. All of them are about your pride and your face. If you truly love her, these question will not be there.
Hi Nanstar,

Quote from you:'To me, a marriage works base on love, trust, commitment, common goals." That's excellent comments. To be honest, I care a lot about my partner's appearances. Guess it's common in everyone's young age. I admit I don't love her enough....My apologies.
 

Cath_rina

Member
Hi Nanstar,

Quote from you:'To me, a marriage works base on love, trust, commitment, common goals." That's excellent comments. To be honest, I care a lot about my partner's appearances. Guess it's common in everyone's young age. I admit I don't love her enough....My apologies.

Typical useless Singaporean men. This is the reason why we need the womens charter.
 

ing1

Active Member
Hi Nanstar,

Quote from you:'To me, a marriage works base on love, trust, commitment, common goals." That's excellent comments. To be honest, I care a lot about my partner's appearances. Guess it's common in everyone's young age. I admit I don't love her enough....My apologies.
It's not about your age, it's about your maturity. You can be young but matured in your thinking.

your 3 questions just imply that you are just immature (my personal view). Beauty is only skin deep.

Have mercy, let the gal go if you cannot commit to the relationship, regardless marriage or not.
 

gettinglost

New Member
It's not about your age, it's about your maturity. You can be young but matured in your thinking.

your 3 questions just imply that you are just immature (my personal view). Beauty is only skin deep.

Have mercy, let the gal go if you cannot commit to the relationship, regardless marriage or not.
Yes, I know I am very naive and immature.

Thanks for the advice.
 

newproject

Active Member
Thanks for your comment and sorry for my 3 questions.

I am young and naive, that's also why I throw out these 3 questions in the internet.

About what do I love about her?

I guess I was attracted to her looks, her figure and her success. You are right, this is my first r/s. So guess my r/s is more related to appearance.

She said she love my inside however, for me, I love her more from outside.

Her success huh? Just for fun how's your relationship with your mum?
 

candyapple

New Member
Beauty is only skin deep. Beauty and figure fades with time, everyone will become 'old and wrinkly' someday. The fact that you need to ask yourself these questions already means that you are not ready and not committed. Just end this relationship, don't waste any more of her time. As for work, if either of you cannot deal with working together or a transfer is not possible, then jump ship.
 

candyapple

New Member
You talking about your own father too?lol.btw,you seem like you may need some form of psychological help.

She sounds more of like beyond hope and beyond help :rolleyes: wonder why she even married her cmi local husband in the first place only to produce so much drama
 

Infernolord

Active Member
x
Thanks so much for your reply. Appreciate it.

She is 36 while I am 25. We share same education background(she is my senior actually) , interest and so on.

Career wise, she is very successful while I am a new babe. I don't mind if she is more advanced in career. In fact, I won't accept a woman who is roughly same as me in career when much older than me.

We are currently underground, so no one at work knows. Yes, I may ask for transfer if needed.

I have thought about it, there are three things I don't have answer to myself.

1) Will I be strong enough to ignore the negative comments from our friends, families and societies.
2) Will she grow much older and wrinkly in 10 or 20 years time?
3) Will I still love her when she become old and wrinkly?

If I could answer yes to all these 3 questions, I guess I am ready to give a try. However, I am not ready yet.

my buddy was 7 yrs younger when he get marry to his wife. He is around 27 so wife abt 35? Like you, young and just started working for 2-3 yrs.
His family strongly against it, wrote emails to his gf (back then). Encourage them to think and break up.
Friends also encourage him to think twice.

My buddy on the other hand, is quite a player. He had many ex gfs. Young and pretty ones. His wife back then was successful,
mature and understanding but some how able to tame my buddy.

In the end, he went against all odds. They got married shortly after 7-9 months of dating. His wife got preg within the 1st year.
Now happily married with a kid. I would said he is became more mature and sensible after that. His career bloomed and having a family does help him in his career. (being father gained more trust from his boss)
Wife is not working now. He is at prime age now and earning pretty well.
 

gettinglost

New Member
x

my buddy was 7 yrs younger when he get marry to his wife. He is around 27 so wife abt 35? Like you, young and just started working for 2-3 yrs.
His family strongly against it, wrote emails to his gf (back then). Encourage them to think and break up.
Friends also encourage him to think twice.

My buddy on the other hand, is quite a player. He had many ex gfs. Young and pretty ones. His wife back then was successful,
mature and understanding but some how able to tame my buddy.

In the end, he went against all odds. They got married shortly after 7-9 months of dating. His wife got preg within the 1st year.
Now happily married with a kid. I would said he is became more mature and sensible after that. His career bloomed and having a family does help him in his career. (being father gained more trust from his boss)
Wife is not working now. He is at prime age now and earning pretty well.
Hi Infernolord,

Thanks for the cheering example. I think your buddy may be mature enough to figure out what he want and made the right decision. Congratulates for him.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Hi Infernolord,

Thanks for the cheering example. I think your buddy may be mature enough to figure out what he want and made the right decision. Congratulates for him.

haha from your reply, it obvious, you just want to bed her.
With all due respect, why start when u know from the start she is not wat u want.
OR you are also mature enough to know exactly what you want.... haha.. :cool:
 

gettinglost

New Member
The ending of this story: We breakup today.

However, it was not due to age gap or family. It was due to some very simple things such as buying gift or caring. (Although I did buy her a lot of gifts and treat her a lot in the past)
I always thought a woman in her 30s should be mature enough. However I was wrong.

It feel awkward as we are working closely on a project. I bet she will revenge me in yearly appraisal as she is the senior staff in the company.
But never mind, at least I learn something:
1) Never date an old woman
2) Never date an old woman who is your colleague.
 

buddhabar

Active Member
Typical useless Singaporean men. This is the reason why we need the womens charter.

Cannot like this say one.
Last time people said women useless that's why women charter was started for their protection. Now you say men are useless , aiyo later they start men charter then how?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
I met her at work. She is in mid 30s beautiful, mature and caring. I am in mid 20s energetic,warmhearted and humorous. Though we have huge age gap, we both love each other. We have been in love for months until now. We promise each other we will not have sex before marriage.

I know she need a marriage urgently due to her age. So I sought my family for advice and she sought hers as well.

The result was: both families were against this marriage due to ten years age difference.

Her family worries I might betray her after 10 years when I will be at my prime while she will be going down the hill.

My family worries that we may have many problems after 10 years when I reach my prime while she will be in menopause state. My family also have concern that she may not be able to give birth to healthy babies due to her age.

So now I am in a dilemma.

If I were to marry her, we may disappoint both side of our parents deeply. I need to quit my current job and we need to confront all the shocks and negative comments from our friends and families. Besides, we are also at risk of having healthy babies given her age. In the future, we may probably get divorced due to huge age gap as predicted by both families.

If I were not to marry her, I need to break up with her soon since I can't delay her for another months or so. She need a marriage which I can't offer her. I will hurt her deeply sine she love me so much. I still need to quit my job since she would not want to see me anymore.

So what should I do? I am now in pain. I hope anybody could contribute your thoughts to me whether positive or negative. Greatly appreciated!!

Your family concerns are valid and impt. However, how much confidence you guys have in your relationship? If she is the woman you want to live your life with and cannot do without, AND it is the same for her, then the decision is really simple. Challenges is normal in anyone's life. We will never cherish what we have and fought for if life is a bed of roses. If you want children, do fertility tests. Don't assume everything will be smooth. Be super real about what you guys are getting into and live is the fullest the way you want. You can only be happy this way... being true about yourself.
 

newproject

Active Member
The ending of this story: We breakup today.

However, it was not due to age gap or family. It was due to some very simple things such as buying gift or caring. (Although I did buy her a lot of gifts and treat her a lot in the past)
I always thought a woman in her 30s should be mature enough. However I was wrong.

It feel awkward as we are working closely on a project. I bet she will revenge me in yearly appraisal as she is the senior staff in the company.
But never mind, at least I learn something:
1) Never date an old woman
2) Never date an old woman who is your colleague.

Woman are woman . Young or old. This woman as she's older will be even more insecure.

You are inexperienced with woman, choosing a older woman has your first relationship was a bad move unless she's really mature but sounds like she's inexperienced in r/s too. No wonder you imploded. Add the work place thing...

But this story getting more and more common. Males and females who are career minded, never had relationships then suddenly 30+ start to look. Often will end up going for office romances.

So you get 30+ people having their very first r/s and grappling with the emotions involved. Add the pressure of age and desire to get married is often deadly combo.

If both parties are inexperienced will often be disaster. I've seen quite a few.
 

newproject

Active Member
Hey, no offence ok?

just curious hor, how did u manage to court your gf? The age gap wasn't an issue to her before she accepted you? It's OK if you are not comfortable to disclose. :)
Curious too. Guessing in such situations is more like mutually spend a lot of time together alone... Then something happen....
 

gettinglost

New Member
After a week of break up, we still look like normal friends.
Today she had a full day with me. We had meetings, lunch, get off work and dinner together. It's not a date, it happened to be we r together.
We still talk to each other but topics r mostly around work. We still smile at each other but she wont hold my arms but keep a small distance away from me.
I start to miss her. I miss all the things we had in the past. Now stand in front of me is a polite colleague.
 

gettinglost

New Member
I asked her out this Friday night and she agreed. I want to discuss with her how we can get back to what we were. Forget about objections from the families, I want to face it up together with her. Wish me success
 

Infernolord

Active Member
I asked her out this Friday night and she agreed. I want to discuss with her how we can get back to what we were. Forget about objections from the families, I want to face it up together with her. Wish me success

Are you determine to wed her ? Or it just that she happens to be around and she is Pretty and capable lady.

What are you trying to achieve here? With all due respect, you seem to have alot of hesitations. You sway easily. If you guy got back, i am very sure you will give up again if conflicts arise.

Wish you wisdom and conscience instead.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
not a good idea to have relationships in office especially when you are unable to handle it. You are so affected by her. Do you think this will not affect your career? Be rational about it. If you are serious about the relationship, then, you need to have a plan to make it work. You cannot keep things under wraps forever, when it comes to appraisal, others will complain of baisenesss to the HR.
 

gettinglost

New Member
not a good idea to have relationships in office especially when you are unable to handle it. You are so affected by her. Do you think this will not affect your career? Be rational about it. If you are serious about the relationship, then, you need to have a plan to make it work. You cannot keep things under wraps forever, when it comes to appraisal, others will complain of baisenesss to the HR.

My plan is to proposal to her next year around May and get married around Sep next year. I will leave the company before I make proposals
 

gettinglost

New Member
Are you determine to wed her ? Or it just that she happens to be around and she is Pretty and capable lady.

What are you trying to achieve here? With all due respect, you seem to have alot of hesitations. You sway easily. If you guy got back, i am very sure you will give up again if conflicts arise.

Wish you wisdom and conscience instead.

11 years old difference relationship is rare, anyone will hesitate in this relationship because it is against tradition. So do I.

But u r right, I dun have any girls that I have the feeling. Though my workplace has many single girls and I do communicate with them frequently
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
11 years old difference relationship is rare, anyone will hesitate in this relationship because it is against tradition. So do I.

But u r right, I dun have any girls that I have the feeling. Though my workplace has many single girls and I do communicate with them frequently

Why are you looking in your workplace?

My plan is to proposal to her next year around May and get married around Sep next year. I will leave the company before I make proposals

These timelines are just your idea or aligned to her? What if she decline your proposal after you quit? Not trying to pour cold water here.... do what you need to, just be pragmatic and think it through. She is older and more mature. Marriage is more than just moment of emotions and love. Women needs security and assurances. In your case, not really on the financial part but the emotional aspects.
 

gettinglost

New Member
Why are you looking in your workplace?



These timelines are just your idea or aligned to her? What if she decline your proposal after you quit? Not trying to pour cold water here.... do what you need to, just be pragmatic and think it through. She is older and more mature. Marriage is more than just moment of emotions and love. Women needs security and assurances. In your case, not really on the financial part but the emotional aspects.

Thanks for the reply.

These timeline is my idea only. I told her abt the May proposal before we broke up and she didnt say yes or no.

I had a phone call with my parents tnite, they are ok with this relationship, they advice me to communicate with her about my plan rather than just force it at my own will.

In other words, if she also want to be back with me, she need to share her thinking with me. We need to workout a plan to face the future.
Or if she reject me, then thats it. At least we cleared our misunderstanding and we will still be friends. I may not need to quit my job since we not lovers or couples anymore.

The conclusion is: i shall not make decision solely based on my own thinking. We need to make decision together.
 

gettinglost

New Member
She didnt say yes or no. We went out for dinner yesterday and she refused to let me pay for her meal.

I suddenly remember in the past when we were still friends, we would usually take turn to treat each other.
I also remember in the past when we were in relationships, i would treat her meal and she will treat me a movie.
In summary, in the past, we would create opportunities to see each other for longer time.

But now, we pay separately. After the meal, it's still 6pm. She just went home. So i wait together with her for the bus. The funny thing is: she told me she will take bus A, but bus A took long time to come, so she took bus B instead. She doesnt want to stay with me for longer time.

I tried to chat with her via whatsapp, she replied soon. We chat for 45 min and she said she is sleepy and I said: nitenesss. But it's 11pm on a Sat night!

In the past, we could chat until 12am plus.
 

ing1

Active Member
Sorry for being mean. But Why would you assume that things will simply revert to the same when the scar is still raw?

You mentioned that she din say yes or no, meaning you are just a friend? And what's wrong with sleeping at 11pm on a Saturday night when she dun feel like entertaining a friend over the phone?
 

gettinglost

New Member
Sorry for being mean. But Why would you assume that things will simply revert to the same when the scar is still raw?

You mentioned that she din say yes or no, meaning you are just a friend? And what's wrong with sleeping at 11pm on a Saturday night when she dun feel like entertaining a friend over the phone?
Yes you are right. I think I am now a friend to her. I am not her boy friend now since she hasnt said yes.

So I will lower my expectation to her. I won't mind if she pay bill separately or end WA talk early.

However, I don't want us to remain in friend zone. so what should I do?
 

Cath_rina

Member
Yes you are right. I think I am now a friend to her. I am not her boy friend now since she hasnt said yes.

So I will lower my expectation to her. I won't mind if she pay bill separately or end WA talk early.

However, I don't want us to remain in friend zone. so what should I do?

Let her go. She deserves a real bf. You are nothing but another loser local guy.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Yes you are right. I think I am now a friend to her. I am not her boy friend now since she hasnt said yes.

So I will lower my expectation to her. I won't mind if she pay bill separately or end WA talk early.

However, I don't want us to remain in friend zone. so what should I do?
Friend zone is what you allow yourself to be placed under. Don't be needy and making guesses over very minor action . A woman appreciates a man that is confident and can anticipate her needs and thoughts. Speak your mind. You are meeting her, its not to hope or beg for anything, just simply appreciating the time together. You cannot force anything, go with the flow.
 


gettinglost

New Member
Friend zone is what you allow yourself to be placed under. Don't be needy and making guesses over very minor action . A woman appreciates a man that is confident and can anticipate her needs and thoughts. Speak your mind. You are meeting her, its not to hope or beg for anything, just simply appreciating the time together. You cannot force anything, go with the flow.

Thank you very much for your comments.

Despite we have a age gap of 11 years, she is still a girl that need to be taken care and loved. It's just that her "boy friend" maybe a bit younger.

Yes, I will stop being needy and be confident and show my caring and love to her. Let time speak the story.

Thank you again
 

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