My conflict with Mother In Law
- Thread starter sheena_koh
- Start date
I guess we all shared the same story about MIL. I wonder what makes them hate us so much? My MIL didn't even look at me or bother to greet me when we first met. She just say that she hate my face! WTH, right?! How can you hate someone when you never even talk to her?! So I hardly talk to her.
When we were dating, she always asked my husband about other girl in front of me! "How is X? Have you meet X? You should see X and keep in touch with her"
Luckily MIL doesn't live with us. When there is trouble, she always have this comment "See. it would not happen if you marry X / Y/ M/Z " or "Don't say I never warn you about marrying her"
Until now, she hardly talk to me. I also can't speak to her if she just respond in 1-2 words, right?
MIL hatred can really go on and on for yeaarss. . maybe until she dies.
When we were dating, she always asked my husband about other girl in front of me! "How is X? Have you meet X? You should see X and keep in touch with her"
Luckily MIL doesn't live with us. When there is trouble, she always have this comment "See. it would not happen if you marry X / Y/ M/Z " or "Don't say I never warn you about marrying her"
Until now, she hardly talk to me. I also can't speak to her if she just respond in 1-2 words, right?
MIL hatred can really go on and on for yeaarss. . maybe until she dies.
hello all. im new to this forum here.. need all your advices on this issue..
my MIL spoils my husband, alot. Even her eldest daughter (which is my husband's elder sis) spoils him too. U know, its till the extend if he wants sth, he just has to open his mouth and it comes to him. If he wants a tv, he just has to tell them, and immediately the next thing we are at the electrical appliance shop looking for a TV. if he's sick, he just has to cough a few times and his mum will come running in asking what happen and even DELIVER medicine into the room. i personally cant stand this because i feel that being 28yrs old, you should be more independent. for myself, i've been relying on my own since poly days. if i want sth, i work for it. i don't rely on people.. my parents also taught me to be independent and gave me alot of space. total opposite from my husband's family. i have spoke about this to my husband before and he has changed alot as compared to when we got together.
now that we are married, im living with my in-laws and its really an eyesore when i see them treating my husband like a kid. even if my husband just tells them its ok, they will keep insist. other things like whenever we go out, my MIL will keep asking where are we going. if we didnt have anywhere in mind but just wanna go out the next day, she will say things like "then dun go out lah." and then look at me and tell me to let my husband rest at home. or if we dun tell her where are we going, she will guess 101 possible places we might be going. it's really annoying. and if my MIL n SIL are out for breakfast, and we have plans to go out later (which we have told them), they will KEEP calling us to ask where are we. is it wrong to ask for space???? i did speak to my husband about this before and he told me his mum is like this, n to just let her be because we cant change the way she do things.
to my husband, his mum is a nice woman, very emotional kind. so if can, try not to make her upset or else she will blame herself yada yada.
so past few times whenever i argue with my husband over the mum's actions, he keeps saying "she didnt offend you what". but i have my reasons, and he told me if its really so hard for me, lets just move out. but my husband was saying that by moving out, we will incur extra costs so when our flat comes 4 years later, it might not be financially wise to do so. he says at most we just close the room door when we are home (my MIL used to make noise when we close the room door to. she claims there isnt a need to). i told myself i can just tahan for another 4 years, although now when i end work, i will hang around somewhere alone and wait for my husband to end work and pick me up because i dun wanna go home alone. if i do, she will ask things like "eh he havent end work?" "why so late?" "aiyo so poor thing?" "dunno got eat anot?"
recently we had our wedding. my MIL was very excited in the past few weeks leading to the wedding. but on the DAY itself, her face was BLACK the whole day. i dun even know what went wrong?!?!? from the moment the tea ceremony started, she alr black face. when i changed to my white gown n came back down to the ballroom, i had friends swarming over to me, giving me their well wishes, taking photos etc. when i finally could take a breather, my PG suggested to take a family photo with the in laws. so i happily hopped over and said "Mother, lets take family photo!" u know how she replied? "finally? we wait for u so long already now then take photo. your SIL also wait till she dunno go where" i was wtf? what kind of reply is that? but nvm, we just took n go.
during the banquet, when i was mingling with MY own side relatives, she kept looking with the same black face. and when one of her friend wanted to leave at the 2nd last dish, she just came over n said go out n start to prepare for guests departure. but it wasnt even dessert yet????? then nvm. we all went out. after her that 1 friend left, NO ONE else left. we ended up like idiots waiting outside for almost 20-30mins.
fine. when the bulk started to come out, we did our thanks & hand shake etc. when his relatives were done with the handshake (my relatives still waiting there, walking towards us to shake our hands), she just walked off and told us to go together to take picture with their relatives. my relatives was like ????? to me that was UTTER DISRESPECT. i was so pissed i pulled my husband over n told him this. after he went to tell his mum, she said "but our side relatives already left what". then she got angry. like seriously? my side relatives dont deserve a proper thanks?? she can be close with her own relatives but i cant?
then once all over, my dad was talking to my husband. my MIL KEPT calling him over to take a bigger family photo. my husband got quite pissed and told her to wait because he's still talking. then she got angry again n walk off.
i really dunno what the hell is wrong with her. even my brother, relatives and friends were asking why my MIL face so black the whole day. i just told them i have no idea.
now im so upset, i really dun want to go home anymore. i don't even want to see her. and i dunno what to do.
my MIL spoils my husband, alot. Even her eldest daughter (which is my husband's elder sis) spoils him too. U know, its till the extend if he wants sth, he just has to open his mouth and it comes to him. If he wants a tv, he just has to tell them, and immediately the next thing we are at the electrical appliance shop looking for a TV. if he's sick, he just has to cough a few times and his mum will come running in asking what happen and even DELIVER medicine into the room. i personally cant stand this because i feel that being 28yrs old, you should be more independent. for myself, i've been relying on my own since poly days. if i want sth, i work for it. i don't rely on people.. my parents also taught me to be independent and gave me alot of space. total opposite from my husband's family. i have spoke about this to my husband before and he has changed alot as compared to when we got together.
now that we are married, im living with my in-laws and its really an eyesore when i see them treating my husband like a kid. even if my husband just tells them its ok, they will keep insist. other things like whenever we go out, my MIL will keep asking where are we going. if we didnt have anywhere in mind but just wanna go out the next day, she will say things like "then dun go out lah." and then look at me and tell me to let my husband rest at home. or if we dun tell her where are we going, she will guess 101 possible places we might be going. it's really annoying. and if my MIL n SIL are out for breakfast, and we have plans to go out later (which we have told them), they will KEEP calling us to ask where are we. is it wrong to ask for space???? i did speak to my husband about this before and he told me his mum is like this, n to just let her be because we cant change the way she do things.
to my husband, his mum is a nice woman, very emotional kind. so if can, try not to make her upset or else she will blame herself yada yada.
so past few times whenever i argue with my husband over the mum's actions, he keeps saying "she didnt offend you what". but i have my reasons, and he told me if its really so hard for me, lets just move out. but my husband was saying that by moving out, we will incur extra costs so when our flat comes 4 years later, it might not be financially wise to do so. he says at most we just close the room door when we are home (my MIL used to make noise when we close the room door to. she claims there isnt a need to). i told myself i can just tahan for another 4 years, although now when i end work, i will hang around somewhere alone and wait for my husband to end work and pick me up because i dun wanna go home alone. if i do, she will ask things like "eh he havent end work?" "why so late?" "aiyo so poor thing?" "dunno got eat anot?"
recently we had our wedding. my MIL was very excited in the past few weeks leading to the wedding. but on the DAY itself, her face was BLACK the whole day. i dun even know what went wrong?!?!? from the moment the tea ceremony started, she alr black face. when i changed to my white gown n came back down to the ballroom, i had friends swarming over to me, giving me their well wishes, taking photos etc. when i finally could take a breather, my PG suggested to take a family photo with the in laws. so i happily hopped over and said "Mother, lets take family photo!" u know how she replied? "finally? we wait for u so long already now then take photo. your SIL also wait till she dunno go where" i was wtf? what kind of reply is that? but nvm, we just took n go.
during the banquet, when i was mingling with MY own side relatives, she kept looking with the same black face. and when one of her friend wanted to leave at the 2nd last dish, she just came over n said go out n start to prepare for guests departure. but it wasnt even dessert yet????? then nvm. we all went out. after her that 1 friend left, NO ONE else left. we ended up like idiots waiting outside for almost 20-30mins.
fine. when the bulk started to come out, we did our thanks & hand shake etc. when his relatives were done with the handshake (my relatives still waiting there, walking towards us to shake our hands), she just walked off and told us to go together to take picture with their relatives. my relatives was like ????? to me that was UTTER DISRESPECT. i was so pissed i pulled my husband over n told him this. after he went to tell his mum, she said "but our side relatives already left what". then she got angry. like seriously? my side relatives dont deserve a proper thanks?? she can be close with her own relatives but i cant?
then once all over, my dad was talking to my husband. my MIL KEPT calling him over to take a bigger family photo. my husband got quite pissed and told her to wait because he's still talking. then she got angry again n walk off.
i really dunno what the hell is wrong with her. even my brother, relatives and friends were asking why my MIL face so black the whole day. i just told them i have no idea.
now im so upset, i really dun want to go home anymore. i don't even want to see her. and i dunno what to do.
WOW.. ur MIL really gave you no face on your most important day.
Ur MIL have son complex , so she always see you as enemy stealing her son affection.
Does she only act nice when you are with ur hubby? I know my MIL is full of smile when my hubby around, then back to her b*t*** face when only with me. MIL wants her son to treat her better than his wife. When we went cafe and choose cake slice, my MIL always choose more expensive one. Then she gave me a "victory" glare.
MIL problem always tough
. Hubby protect his mom and MIL act victimised when we complained about her.
Ur MIL have son complex , so she always see you as enemy stealing her son affection.
Does she only act nice when you are with ur hubby? I know my MIL is full of smile when my hubby around, then back to her b*t*** face when only with me. MIL wants her son to treat her better than his wife. When we went cafe and choose cake slice, my MIL always choose more expensive one. Then she gave me a "victory" glare.
MIL problem always tough
. Hubby protect his mom and MIL act victimised when we complained about her.cherrieseason
Member
My friend just share with me yesterday.. We have to treat our MIL like our own mother.. Her MIL even told her that she is glad that she has my friend as a daughter in law coz she don't have a daughter..
I guess i will be having my own tough fight when I stay with my in law after my wedding..
I guess i will be having my own tough fight when I stay with my in law after my wedding..
WOW.. ur MIL really gave you no face on your most important day.
Ur MIL have son complex , so she always see you as enemy stealing her son affection.
Does she only act nice when you are with ur hubby? I know my MIL is full of smile when my hubby around, then back to her b*t*** face when only with me. MIL wants her son to treat her better than his wife. When we went cafe and choose cake slice, my MIL always choose more expensive one. Then she gave me a "victory" glare.
MIL problem always tough
actually, that's what i thought of before. she's unhappy that her son can no longer give her 100% attention but shouldn't she understand? we are already 'giving in' by staying with them for this period of time but i really want to move out.
and now that u mention, yes. most of her 'sarcastic' remarks to me are made when my husband isn't anywhere near me. there was once i did feedback to my husband and he said that i was thinking too much and that's how my MIL talks. but from what i remember, i don't recall her making such remarks in that specific tone. if she's joking, i know. like for e.g there was once when my husband and i made an appt with the hair salon to get our hair done for our upcoming wedding. my MIL knew and wanted to go on the same day too, but we told her to go earlier because our appt was at 3pm. (btw, all of us uses the same hairstylist) so when we went down at 3pm, my MIL havent even started dying her hair.. so we had to wait for around an hour or so. i stepped into the salon first and greeted my MIL while my husband went to the gents. when he came in, he immd sat beside me n talked to me.. the hairstylist and my MIL was whispering sth when the hairstylist jokingly commented "wha u nvr see ur mum ah?" then my husband was like "got ah". so he shuffled between sitting beside me and going up to my MIL n talk to her. that's when i can see that my MIL's replies were very cold already and i sensed she was unhappy. but i just kept quiet.
then when finally it was my turn ard 4pm (my husband was still waiting), i was sitting nxt to my MIL. throughout the whole period, we didnt talk, AT ALL. my husband was sitting at the other end of the salon. then while my MIL was steaming her hair, the hairstylist washed my hair and when i got back to my seat, my MIL was done too. the hairstylist ask "so who should go first?". initially i replied anything so i'll leave it to the hairstylist to decide. but immediately, i changed my reply and said "oh let my MIL go first bah.." as a form of 'respect'. u know what my MIL commented? "ya lor. just let her sit there and wait" - not with the joking kind of tone. u can see the sarcasm n unhappiness from her face. its not like we were talking n joking thruout at all. both of us DID NOT talk a single word, and out come this kind of comment? of course my husband didnt hear. but i feedback to him and we had this tiny argument because he said that's how the mum talks & that i was making a big fuss. but the last thing i know, the mum has nvr talked sarcastically to anyone before (maybe except me).
and as per my previous post on the photo taking one when she gave me that sarcastic comment too, my husband wasn't beside me at that moment. so... yea. i guess she only does this when my husband is not around me.
sigh.
I think marriage is real sad.....I totally understand what you mean and what you are saying. Men, can be so......*speechless*
I don't have faith in men anymore. Seriously. And as for MIL - Monster-in-law - I think she can go and marry her son. As for FIL who labelled me as a person plagued with troubles, unbalanced in thinking and untrustworthy, I say go look at yourself in the mirror before you throw the first stone. And the SIL whom I doted on, let's see when the day will come when your own husband deal you with the same set of cards. I won't gloat over your misfortunes but I will ask how do you feel. These people are full of double standards. The mistakes I made are plenty, but above all, I regretted opening up myself in the false belief that this is the way to let them understand me and let me be part of the family. Now they are using these information I shared as ammunition to fire back at me. All hypocrites, sore losers who cannot endure rejection and therefore out to hurt people to cover up for their wrongdoings. Ya I agree what's the big issue with insecure MIL. If so red-eyed over sharing her son with another woman, jolly well marry him and lock him in a cage. Or get a dog. So bloody complex, so suspicious if her son will be bullied by another woman. In the first place if the stupid son can be so easily bullied, it only goes to show that her parenting sucks that's why the son is a moron and an idiot. I don't know what else will happen but it seems like this tsunami will make me un-shockable for a lot of crap that will come my way in future. Am sure more drama when we eventually divorce, over money matters, over the flat, over all the petty little things which I don't even give a damn anymore. I just want my freedom, I just want to be happy again.
sigh. i have perfectly no issues with my husband. we love one another alot and prior to moving in, we have never had any issues. now with all the MIL problem, i feel like i just got myself into a sh!thole hubby knows i hate staying at his place so he lets me have my own way (closing the room door, going home late just to avoid them etc). but how long can i do this? a home is somewhere u can let go of yourself, be stress-free after a hectic day at work etc. but now, even when i dont feel well, i rather go work than stay at home because my MIL, altho working, will as n when take MC/Urgent leave because she's lazy to work. Which reminds me, when my late mum was still around, she wont be happy if we 'geng' mc or what because she always says that we have to be responsible to ourselves and our job.
i also dont understand why some MIL have that son complex issue. like come on? you're scared i will snatch ur son away? or bully him? or what? ur son is my husband and we are starting the next phase of life together. why do they wanna make things so hard for everyone? sigh.
now every night when i go home with my hubby, i just enter the house, say a hello because everyone;s in the living room, and then just go back to my room n stay there throughout. at most step out to go to the bathroom n shower.
so miserable.
hubby knows i hate staying at his place so he lets me have my own way (closing the room door, going home late just to avoid them etc). but how long can i do this? a home is somewhere u can let go of yourself, be stress-free after a hectic day at work etc. but now, even when i dont feel well, i rather go work than stay at home because my MIL, altho working, will as n when take MC/Urgent leave because she's lazy to work. Which reminds me, when my late mum was still around, she wont be happy if we 'geng' mc or what because she always says that we have to be responsible to ourselves and our job.i also dont understand why some MIL have that son complex issue. like come on? you're scared i will snatch ur son away? or bully him? or what? ur son is my husband and we are starting the next phase of life together. why do they wanna make things so hard for everyone? sigh.
now every night when i go home with my hubby, i just enter the house, say a hello because everyone;s in the living room, and then just go back to my room n stay there throughout. at most step out to go to the bathroom n shower.
so miserable.
reading about MIL forum scares me . i am finally engaged although i know my MIL prefer ex gf over me because his ex gf clean the house and help with chores. i am messy type. i hope it won't create problem in future. she is still fine now. i mean they are looking for wife right? not a maid? if his mom want a wife who clean their house regularly, then ask your son to marry a maid lar..... hahahhaaha
. i am finally engaged although i know my MIL prefer ex gf over me because his ex gf clean the house and help with chores. i am messy type. i hope it won't create problem in future. she is still fine now. i mean they are looking for wife right? not a maid? if his mom want a wife who clean their house regularly, then ask your son to marry a maid lar..... hahahhaaha Correction: You have to treat your MIL BETTER than your mom!
When you buy gift to your mom, your MIL wants too. She expect even better gift and more respect because we follow hubby family.
It's just against my rule of why I should treat MIL better when my mom is the one who raised me.
i PERFECTLY agree with this. apparently on my wedding day, my MIL wasnt very happy that im so close and keep talking to my relatives rather than talking to their side. and she also got quite unhappy when my relatives talked to my husband n i together n take pictures. she expects us to be closer to the guy's side.
i dont get it. whats wrong huh????
diminiblue
Member
Want to show her power and must have face lor. Must show that you are obedient and follow the guy's side because you "marry over" liao. You're no longer part of your own family, you're their property liao.
I'm waiting for my own MIL-volcano to fully erupt during my upcoming wedding. Think about it already sian =____=
I guess my Mil is also hard to deal with I also try to stay at work as late as possible and leave early to avoid her weird way of talking... scarsm and bad temper... but I still respect her and greet her everyone I reach home from work or in the morning. sad life.. I hope my house is ready soon.. everyday also feel like going back to my niang Jia
Tangerine777
New Member
Hahaha....
I said straight to my MIL's face before... that my mum spent millions raising me up. Not her.
Coz she kept saying she gave the si dian jin at marriage so i am considered as theirs and my parents as outsiders.
I told her, i can throw a dozen si dian jin at her, does she want it?
I would not have been so mean if i didn't suspect she's been teaching my hubby all these ideas behind my back and ended up we quarreled a lot without her being present.
Sometimes, she still does it, i believe.
Damn angry.
She thinks by marrying over means i no longer belong to my side of family.
.i told her "hello hello. It's supposed to mean having an expanded family ok. Not a separate family." But she doesn't seem to get it.
In front of me said it's extended family.
Behind me said i am not close to them and should see my parents less.
What the heck... i am so busy until i see my parents only once a month or even less.
Siao.
So i refused to go to parents in laws house unless CNY or one of them very sick.
Ya. I am a bad daughter in law.
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Tangerine777
New Member
They think the DIL are their PROPERTY now.
Theirs to command, to use and order around.
Too bad i won't give in.
My MIL went to the fortune teller AFTER my marriage and ask about the marriage.
Fortune teller said "extremely good match". She LL.
Want to ask then ask before marriage lah.
If say not good then i can kick her son out of my life early mah.
Not as if marriage is the only focus in life.
Still have so many other impt things in life to focus on what.
There are also Monster-in-laws who raise daughters to terrorise their husbands and cannot let go of their child. Just realise that in laws should never interfere in a marriage and cause it to breakdown. Mama's boys and girls should not bother getting married to cause pain to others. Just stick to parents until they die.
wluyan
Member
before I got married, my ex mil was very nice to me. she told everyone that i was like her own daughter. i believed so and thought of her like my real mum. it was after the ROM, her transformation was shocking. she told me that ' in her family all men are to be served' . lol following that, everything was so dramatic like those dramas ;-p she became so demanding and so different. she criticised on everything and exercised her power as the mil all times while she was alone with me. lol. so funny to think about it now .
wluyan
Member
i agree on this completely. ^_^
sassynsweet
New Member
this is so funny
so annoying for this type of problems.... what is the point of seeking fortune teller after the event.. its just to prove to themselves.
J&A
Member
Hi... im new to this thread and sad that i have to look for an outlet on this topic. Sigh...
Would like to know if there is anyone with a MIL who is nice but passive aggressive?
Im having problems dealing with the way she does things but HTB doesn't see it as an issue. He always says that thats how his mom is and she has no ill intentions.. i know that but it still bothers me. How do u manage ur HTB and get him to be on your side? I feel quite alone in this because i cant tell my mom (who will definitely be very worried for me)
Would like to know if there is anyone with a MIL who is nice but passive aggressive?
Im having problems dealing with the way she does things but HTB doesn't see it as an issue. He always says that thats how his mom is and she has no ill intentions.. i know that but it still bothers me. How do u manage ur HTB and get him to be on your side? I feel quite alone in this because i cant tell my mom (who will definitely be very worried for me)
J&A
Member
TBH i didnt use to see him as a mamma boy.. he is filial, the kind that will wake up early to do grocery shopping with her, respectful, caring etc. I actually like that about him. She was also not demanding so we were rarely in a situation that he needs to pick a side.
But after the engagement, she started telling me some expectations in private (without my HTB around). And some of these expectations were inconsistent from what was told to me before the engagement. E.g. she told me for the past few years that she is open to us staying with my mom since my mom is a single parent. But since the engagement, she has told me twice privately that we must stay for at least 4 mths with them after the wedding, be it our BTO is ready or not. its not a big deal to me but it kind of make me trust her a lot lesser these days. She also makes decisions on our behalf e.g. family trip to happen a month after our AD when i don't feel like going on that trip. But the way she put it is like FYI we are all going to this country after ur wedding. I dont feel like i have a say in things, and HTB feels that she is just being nice to include us in family trips and dont see the issue with that.
sassynsweet
New Member
J&A
Member
Yeah agreeu will take some time to adjust...
its not that she is a bad person.. its human nature...
when we see u a little bit here and there, we present our best self to u..
when u see us daily, in and out, u will see our laziest, self-centre self... humans ba
just feel sad and lonely that HTB doesn't see my point and often downplay my concerns...I spoke to a married colleague and she said its important for married couples to see themselves as a unit, and the welfare, feelings, and concerns of the partner should always come first. I don't feel that way from him and my feelings seem to be secondary to his mom. I can foresee more of such situations will come up in future and i wont have anyone to support me and think frm my perspective.. beginning to think if getting married is really a good idea. Sigh. Very sian.
Hmmm..I kind of disagree with the perspective about whether one should treat MIL better or worse than own mum because it's the heart and sincerity that matter.
It seems to me that such a mentality already clearly sets a negative context to begin with. Maybe we should search our own souls and think about whether we have genuinely treated MILs with pure love and sincerity.
J&A
Member
I think the difference with our own moms and MIL is that we can be who we really are with our own mom but always more tactful around MIL? Like for myself, im a vocal person at home and my mom is used to my personality.. But my in laws are more reserved and i dont think they can accept the real me / what i say might offend them since they are not used to it. I think i treat my future in laws with love and sincerity but still will feel abit uneasy and not natural around the in laws. Kinda tiring.
You think there are differences and that's why I said there's no true love and sincerity here. If you love your hubby, you'll love his family and treat them like yours. What's the difference? Sure, you would be more tactful with a MIL compared to ur own mum but that doesn't mean there should be 'uneasiness' or worse, 'tiring' experience. All these to me sound rather immature because it's like you haven't thought enough before getting married to your man. I also see little value in ranting here together with 'like-minded' people who will only reinforce your negative perceptions of DIL and MIL relationships. More often than not, you'll not receive or digest valuable advice from like-minded individuals but further justify the way you have handled DIL and MIL relationship. I think you need alternative views like why some people could have very harmonious relationships with their MILs? Luck? I don't think so. It is more of having the right mindset, sound judgments and choices.
J&A
Member
I'm willing to try to have the right mindset but i'm not sure how best to manage the in law relationship whenever an issue pops up. I'm in a situation now that i would like to seek your advice... before the engagement she used to tell me that after the wedding, we can stay with my mom who is a single parent. So i had been telling my mom this for the past few years and she is very happy. But after the engagement she is telling me a different thing. I don't dare to question what changed her mind, yet i dont know how to inform my mom that my MIL changed her mind. Im worried that if i manage this poorly, the relationship between my mom and my MIL will be damaged as well. This leaves me really frustrated.. should i tell my MIL honestly about how i feel?
miloice
Well-Known Member
Why do you need your partner to take sides, frankly it is the worst way to manage relationships with in laws to fight for son / husband to side with them. What is important is for your partner to be supportive and understanding. There is no need to take stands, that is confrontal and really not helping at all. Its one family, differences is normal, respect the personal space. I would always advise the spouse to manage their own parents in sticky situations and not let try to mendle with in law conflicts alone.
Frankly this sound like my situation. They were all nice and accommodating until after ROM. They then showed their true colours and broke up the marriage. Now they are using my child to ask for money. People change after getting what they want. Be careful and make your HTB swear an oath on his life to always put the marriage first. Do it in a place of worship so he can't run from it. Don't end up like me, lost all money, can't support my parents, will probably have no place to stay and still got to pay child support for a brainwashed kid I don't even get to see much. That's what happens if you have monsters in law. Make your husband swear the oath of allegiance to marriage before you trust him.
octobride
Member
Reading this thread makes me so depressed!
My MIL to be is also weird and have her own set of rules, which I cannot understand and don't agree with. Can also sense that she does not like me and think of me as the bad person stealing her son. Gives me black face often when I go to their house. I will be staying with them after the wedding. Cannot buy own house due to some issues. Seriously hope she will not give me so much trouble!
My MIL to be is also weird and have her own set of rules, which I cannot understand and don't agree with. Can also sense that she does not like me and think of me as the bad person stealing her son. Gives me black face often when I go to their house. I will be staying with them after the wedding. Cannot buy own house due to some issues. Seriously hope she will not give me so much trouble!
Staypositive
Active Member
The relationship between a Mother in law and Daughter in law is a tricky one.the point to remember is not to fight fire with fire.true,she may did something hurtful towards u and u might feel like retaliating.the thing is dun do that as your Husband may not get the whole picture and thought you are being disrespectful towards his Mother.she is after all someone who care for him since he was born.hurting her back would not help matters and would in turn strain the relationship between u and your Husband.also,she might want you to get back on her so she can sow discord between the both of u.why give her the chance to.if ur hurt by ur Mother in law,tell him in a calm manner instead of throwing a tantrum ,he would appreciate that and also by doing that would not put you in a bad light.guys being logical and less emotional may not be able to relate to the occurrence of the tantrum.Propose to him to talk to his Mother.be present when he is doing so.remain respectful if the Mother in law becomes unreasonable.stay calm.ur Husband would be able to see for himself who is the more oppressing party.
Also remember you are married to your Husband not the Mother in law.focus on ur Husband instead of his Mother.sometimes the more focused you are on her actions,sarcasm,the more she will do it if she noticed that ur easily affected.ignore her antics and as time goes by she will get tired of her nonsense.your Husband may also noticed his Mother behaviour in the process and talk her out of her undesirable behaviour.
Ultimately,just respect her and show her kindness.show her kindness even when she is mean to you.she is a human after all and all humans are inherently kind.the heart is made of flesh and is capable of feeling.in time to come she will feel guilty for how she treated you once she sees the goodness in you.i always believe gd begets gd,what goes around comes around.
Remember,you are the one who is going to spend the rest of your life with ur Husband.not her.in that sense,you are already better than her.dun blame your Husband for what ur Mother in law did to u.it doesn't help the relationship.it doesn't help matter too for him to take sides.as one is the Mum who conceived him and cared for him while the other is the love of his life that he is going to spent the rest of his life with.it is a tough decision for him.if you cannot tolerate anymore if your Mother in law is the totally unreasonable type and you can't ignore her anymore,tell her firmly that you are aware of her unreasonable actions and how they affected you.tell her you respect her as ur elder and would appreciate if she would live harmoniously with u.if she doesn't reciprocate ur gd intentions,tell your Husband abt it and resolve the issue together.there is no need to get into a quarrel with her.if she doesn't like u ,so be it.what u need is ur Husband love not hers.your Husband love is more important than those petty issues she created.
Also remember you are married to your Husband not the Mother in law.focus on ur Husband instead of his Mother.sometimes the more focused you are on her actions,sarcasm,the more she will do it if she noticed that ur easily affected.ignore her antics and as time goes by she will get tired of her nonsense.your Husband may also noticed his Mother behaviour in the process and talk her out of her undesirable behaviour.
Ultimately,just respect her and show her kindness.show her kindness even when she is mean to you.she is a human after all and all humans are inherently kind.the heart is made of flesh and is capable of feeling.in time to come she will feel guilty for how she treated you once she sees the goodness in you.i always believe gd begets gd,what goes around comes around.
Remember,you are the one who is going to spend the rest of your life with ur Husband.not her.in that sense,you are already better than her.dun blame your Husband for what ur Mother in law did to u.it doesn't help the relationship.it doesn't help matter too for him to take sides.as one is the Mum who conceived him and cared for him while the other is the love of his life that he is going to spent the rest of his life with.it is a tough decision for him.if you cannot tolerate anymore if your Mother in law is the totally unreasonable type and you can't ignore her anymore,tell her firmly that you are aware of her unreasonable actions and how they affected you.tell her you respect her as ur elder and would appreciate if she would live harmoniously with u.if she doesn't reciprocate ur gd intentions,tell your Husband abt it and resolve the issue together.there is no need to get into a quarrel with her.if she doesn't like u ,so be it.what u need is ur Husband love not hers.your Husband love is more important than those petty issues she created.
Funnybelly
New Member
Reading all these post made me think about my late MIL. Dont get me wrong she is a wonderful person. She never had a daughter so she treated me as one. We spent days shopping, going for groceries and helping her with the house. She doesn't demand me to help her in any way and that made me want to help even more. I am glad she saw her son and I got married before she passed.
The good ones leave too early. Never got a chance to do my part as a DIL. Never got a chance to help me through pregnancy etc.
Its such a shame cancer got to her.
For those who have wonderful rs with MILs- dont be complacent.
For those who doesn't have a good rs with MILs- try and try again.
Good luck. Cheers x
The good ones leave too early. Never got a chance to do my part as a DIL. Never got a chance to help me through pregnancy etc.
Its such a shame cancer got to her.
For those who have wonderful rs with MILs- dont be complacent.
For those who doesn't have a good rs with MILs- try and try again.
Good luck. Cheers x
newproject
Active Member
Oh dear. Even in the best cases staying with MIL is tricky trust me.
She does not like you? Wah, sure gg.
Hope your husband to be is good at handling.
Staypositive
Active Member
You are a very lucky lady.
hope that would encourage those who do not have positive experience.
octobride
Member
He said he will handle it in a neutral way, see who is right and who is wrong.
When he say this hor, I know already. Confirm not everytime I will win one. But then again. The mother is good in creating trouble, I prefer to lead a peaceful life. So confirm cannot be my fault!!!
Haha... still, FML
newproject
Active Member
You getting married in October this year?
octobride
Member
Yup!
newproject
Active Member
octobride
Member
I wish but he is not able due to family commitment and family financial issues.
27 and 33. why?
Staypositive
Active Member
Nothing is permanent.things can change.financial situation can improve if you both work hard for it.at the present moment try to make peace with ur Mother in law.since u already know her style,just acknowledge it and dun let it get to u.focus on ur marriage with ur husband.that would be the most important.
newproject
Active Member
Staypositive
Active Member
Think it would be best to settle current problems first .managing kids is already not easy and at the same time dealing with in laws issues.there is no need to be rash.
octobride
Member
Yah my HTB say don't let her affect us. Haha! He ask me to just ignore her if she's being unreasonable.
newproject
Active Member
newproject
Active Member
octobride
Member
Having kids is our choice. Not to just please MIL
Easier said than done though.
Then? Chase her out of the house? Haha
newproject
Active Member
[QUOTE="octobride, post: 1996797, member: 139192]
Then? Chase her out of the house? Haha[/QUOTE]
Who else is in the house?
On another note are you good at house work?
Then? Chase her out of the house? Haha[/QUOTE]
Who else is in the house?
On another note are you good at house work?
Staypositive
Active Member
Wives are Not maids.can always help out and learn.