How much did u lose for ue wedding?

heh destinee...

i think everyone is the same - want to know who give how much! my recepts and my dad were fantastic to write down names etc. realised a lot of people (my parent's side esp) were very generous and doted me a lot, even though some of them are not very well to do (u know lah, parents at their age 40 - 60 sure kena retrenched or had to get pay cute during economy now) they still try to give the market rate.

and then after discussing with my other colleague (he got married last yr) we both discovered this person in our office never gives ang bow one!

my mom says it's a true test of friendship for her!
 


Hey ask you all hor:

I should be having abt 30+ tables.

2 barrels of beer free + wavier of 1 bottle of wine corkage per table

or

1 barrel of beer free + wavier of all wine corkage

which is better?

Wine corkage is $10+++
Beer is $620+++ per barrel
 
I'll go for the 1 barrel of free beer and waiver of all wine corkage. I assume your barrel is the big one - which equates to about 92 glasses of beer? That means about 1 glass of beer will be consumed for every 3.5 pax if you have 35 tables.

I actually went for the latter... cos my relatives and friends don't really drink beer.. and I plan to bring in alot of wine - hopefully they will be so intoxicated by the wine they don't touch much of the beer. my wedding dinner is on Sunday... next day is working day.. so think it may just work!!
 
My wedding dinner is also on a Sunday. So coincidental. But mine is in Jan 2008. Now discussing the contract with the hotel. They refuse to give me free flow beer. I wonder why weekday pay less they can give free flow but weekend pay more cannot.

I really dunno how many people drink beer nowadays. If no additional barrels of beer are opened then option 2 is better. If not, the additional barrel at $620+++ is abt 61 bottles corkage.
 
Hmm.. I think weekday not as popular as weekend so they need to give more perks to get pple to take up their weekday slots. Cos for every day the ballroom is not used, the hotel loses $ due to maintenance issues and natural detoriation with time.

Hmm...I think it will help if you understand the profile of your guests. most young pple drink wine. The beer is usually consumed by young men or the older generation. If you have a sibling or cousin married recently, you can use it as an estimation.

I think having wedding dinners on Sunday will somehow result in fewer pple drinking. In my case, I have many families in my guest list. Usually, the father is the driver. Being the only driver, the father won't drink much. Mothers usually drink wine or not drink at all. Further more, women who recently got married, may not want to drink at all as they may be trying for a baby.
happy.gif
 
Dun have any siblings or cousins who got married recently. No reference for me.

But I think I will have a lot of guests who drink. Cos a lot of friends & also my dad's associates.

I'm wondering if I can just ask them to limit the beer to the 1 free barrel & i bring in a lot of wine.
 
actually, I dun think it's nice to limit the guests' consumption. It may result in a loss of face to your parents, ILs and your husband & yourself if the hotel staff tell your guests no more beer.. cos there's no way a hotel can run out of beer and your guests will know the hosts are trying to "stinge"....

sorry for being so frank. My SIL told me to limit my guests' consumption of juices during our engagement party... that was when my inlaws and my parents said cannot due to the above reason.
 
I mean limit the beer but serve the wine.

i.e. beer I will limit to 1 barrel (cos if more than 1, if not finished is wasted de. cannot "bring home"). Wine I will cater a lot more lor.
 
I got what you meant.. what I'm saying is probably will look bad on the hosts if try to limit anything at all.

Like, if a guests request beer, what can the hotel staff say? Can you have wine instead? We have run out of beer? Why don't you try our wine instead? Hmm... guests will know hotel staff are well trained and will serve anything guests want. At most, only bill it to the hosts. If hotel staff try to side track the guests to taking more wines, guests will know it's upon hosts' instructions and may make you look bad.

I think it's not wise to limit anything.

Perhaps you can speak with your parnets and in-laws. If they are okay with limiting, then I guess you can go ahead. In my case, both my parents and ILs were very against limiting. They even said they will bring hard liquor down incase guests want to drink. THey don't want to say no to anyone.
 
fifi,

if you think most of your guests will drink beer, u should go for 2 barrels free. but also depends, sometimes the free beer is watered down, so guests might switch to wine instead. ask your hotel if they can keep the option open first, like just 1 barrel free and option of havign a 2nd barrel or X no of bottles waived. Then when the bill comes, u decide which to pay?

or just have waiver of all corkage and you get charged beer per glass? but make sure that the beer served will not be those very ex type and the waiters know how to sort of 'hint' nicely to guests

coz during my collegue's wedding, a couple of guys wanted to get beer, and the staff handed them the menu instead. i knew something was wrong! but they never picked up my hint and just order the most ex beer lor! later colleague told me per glass was like $20.
 
Ok, I'll get them to put this as an option for me to decide at a later stage (although I doubt they will let me decide after the bill comes). At least I dun have to decide now:

2 barrels of beer free + wavier of 1 bottle of wine corkage per table
or
1 barrel of beer free + wavier of all wine corkage

Thanks for the advice. :-)
 
hi wow this thread is really actively recently... think the subject matter is quite close to our hearts... i'm currently still in the early planning stage for my wedding so all the advice in this thread has been really helpful... and i'd like to share some of wat i plan to do, maybe can get some feedback or something...

want to ask something, if tell parents that for the tables we give them, instead of taking the full hongbao amount, at least let us recover cost then extra give them, if no extra, won't expect them to pay back also?? I dun mind giving more tables... is this considered improper or something??

honestly for my wedding, i dun expect to lose from my relatives... cos my family has been very generous (during CNY always get 4 digits in total hongbao collection)... but his family side ah, wah cannot make it one lor... $2 hongbao also got one leh until even consider having Hotel 81 for his side alone LOL... this was especially obvious during my ROM... my mother's side, which gave less than my father's side, gave more than my hubby's side COMBINED... so i told my hubby, in everything else, i can share equally with him (like pay for flat, renovation, etc) but for wedding, since technically it's supposed to be his family welcoming me into the family, I dun want to be like paying for my own way in!! so personally i think my hubby's side (either himself or his parents) should pay pin jin as well as SDJ (or at least cash in lieu cos i dun really like yellow gold... heh... my MIL knows so she's quite nice to me for my ROM give me $1K cash instead of gold chain... heh...)... as for the banquet, hubby and i will be paying for the whole dinner ourselves from our joint account... but for the hongbao, as my side we're definitely expecting much more than his side, so i told him, we will put equal amount back into joint account, either he top up his side to match my side, or i just put in equal to watever he collected... this way i think is fairer... otherwise machiam like become my relatives paying his relatives to accept me like that!!!

i think no matter wat, the hongbao value is significant, not for the dollar value, but for the "xin yi" behind it... you jolly well dun come and give me $10 or $20 and say this is your best wishes lor... it's an insult to us as the hosts... i will rather return the hongbao to you than to accept these kind of half-hearted wishes!! which is why from young, i've been trained to record down who give wat kind of hongbao... ultimately actions are still stronger than words... and i would also want to return the favour if they've treated me well during my joyous occasion... like if they give me $500 during their wedding i sure bao back one mah... it's the xin yi behind it lor... but those that give $50 i will never stoop to that level lah...

just my half a cent worth... ;p
 
Hi faithz, I think whatever the arrangement, it's best if your husbnad speaks to your ILs personally without your presence.. I dont think your proposal sounds unreasonable. However, I don't know why your ILs are takng APs back from you if you are the ones paying for the dinner? I can understand if your parents take the $ back...
 
re-read your post. not sure if parents mean your husband's parents or your own parents. If you mean your parents, then you have to speak with your parents directyb about this.
 
Groom's shld not be taking any tables' ang pao unless they are paying for the banquet. Cos the give tables thing is part of the pin jin to the bride's family. The old fashioned way is for the groom's parents to pay the full cost of the dinner & give some tables to the bride's family (they keep ang pao).
 
i meant my parents... cos honestly my mum is looking at pin jin of $10K... my dad and i are not very close to my mum... in fact my dad even told me, be prepared to be ripped off by your mum... she's not marrying her daughter off, she's selling me... personally i dun even think she deserves any tables but i think she will demand some...

is it custom like die die must be to the bride's mum? i rather give it to my dad...
 
true, custom is groom's parents pay for full cost... but how often is that the case now?? which is why i was quite glad when i stumbled onto this thread... hoping some of you can share who paid wat?? especially since this thread is so active... otherwise if i open a new thread might not get response also... perhaps you all can share who paid the following... will help me in my budgeting...

Banquet:
Pin Jin (to bride's parents):
SDJ/ SDZ (Zhuan, i.e. diamonds instead of gold):
Amount set aside for SDJ or SDZ: $
Dowry (to bride, supposedly paid by bride's parents, just wondering if this is still the case or bride pay herself nowadays?):
Any other stuff:
 
Hi faithz, in my case, my ILs paid every single cent towards my husband's brother's wedding dinner and misc expenses. For my case, my husband and I are paying ourselves.

However, most of the couples these days pay themselves cos they either want more "control" over the wedding dinner or their parents have no $.
 
I think pinjing is given to bride's parents... but usually given by groom's parents to bride's parents. ALthough I doubt that it is a tradition. I think it's more of a common practice cos mothers are deamed to be heads of households and fathers are deemed to be the breadwinners.
 
Dowry is always paid for by bride's parents to the bride and the groom. The Dowry should include jewelry, household items and personal items to the groom (like shirt, pants, watch, specs,etc). sometimes, dowry also includes items to the groom's parents and relatives staying under the same roof.
 
For my case, my FPIL have no money. So my FH & I will be paying everything. Luckily for me, my parents not asking much.

Banquet: Couple (& Ang Paos)
Pin Jin: FH will yi si yi si give my mother & she will yi si yi si return some. (Amount I decide)
SDJ/SDZ: NIL - no point FH pay for something I hardly wear.
Dowry : My Mum & myself - yi si yi si also
Any other stuff: Couple
 
I dun think it's possible to set a budget for the items named above, Faithz. The pinjing is usually the "value" of the bride and the ability of the "groom's parents".

Usually if the bride is from a good family, professionals, only child, or only daughter, the pinjing is very high. If cantonese, then pinjing also very high. But how high, I dun know cos these days, pple don't publicise amount of pinjing.


The cost of banquet will depend where you want to hold your dinner, weekend/weekday and no. of guests to invite. So very hard to put a figure to it.
 
The pin jin, if your father, you, your FH & his parents have no objection, then pay to your dad lor.

Traditionally is paid to mum cos mum is responsible for bringing up the children. The fathers play no role ma.
 
FOr my case, my wedding dinner is about $45k.
I budgeted about $1k for APs.
My grandma gave me AP of $10k for dowry. My mom bought me 4 full sets of jewelry (pearl, jade, white gold + diamond, yellow gold + diamond), will give me an AP to symbolise household items (not sure how much), will buy my husband 2 pairs of pants, shirts, belt, tie pin, tie, cuff links, a pair of shoes, watch and specs. I dun know how much that comes up to but my husband's watch costs $3k.

My MIL set a budget of $6k for the SDJ.. but I told her I'm not teochew so she can buy anything for me. I hinted to my husband I dun have yellow gold so I dun mind yellow gold. My husband and I checked out prices and realised $1.5k can buy a simple yellow gold set.
 
honestly i prefer my MIL to my actual mother... she's a nicer person and not so calculative... if dowry is from mother, then i think i better prepare to pay myself already... dun dream of getting anything from her one... only expect to be ripped off by her...

cactus how come your ILs so different towards your hubby and your hubby's brother? they should at least contribute pin jin mah... cos it signifies their acceptance of you doesn't it?

fifi, actually i was reading your posts in the archived threads as well... feel quite bu zhi for you... if your FPIL got no money, wat right do they have to request a 80 table banquet?? they are just making life worse for you and hubby... and ultimately your marriage life after the wedding itself will be burdened by debt... are you really going to take loan to carry out your FPIL's wishes?? no worth it for you leh... tell them lah, no money still want so big banquet for wat? got how much then spend how much lor... but of course if you yourself are prepared and want to have a nice big lavish wedding, then that's your prerogative too ;p
 
80 table banquet? No la... I'm having 30+ tables. The 30+ is half my side, half his side. His side is his relatives & his friends (abt 7 tables relatives). My side is relatives, my friends & my parent's guests. You probably mixed up le.

But I buey song my in-laws a bit is cos my FH actually dun want let his father attend but his mum come to me & threaten that either I get my FH to allow him to attend or we get married in a tou tou mo mo manner. How can like that? Like I jian bu de guang like that. I'm more highly educated than my FH lor.

As for how lavish the wedding, it is not a demanded thing for me. More of implied thing cos he is oldest son & his father is oldest son (so my FH is considered 1st grandson - although he is not oldest grandson). Then also cos they very traditional & superstitious. So if we dun have wedding properly, I scared next time they make things difficult for me.
 
Hi faithz,
My ILs are paying for the pinjing. They will also be paying for the jewlery/SDJ. THey will also pay for the Guo Da Li stuff.
MY husband and I found a venue we liked and my hbusband spoke to his parets about them paying but they can't afford it cos it's over $1k/table. So my husband and I will be paying for it ourselves as we don't want any dispute regarding the AP collection.

My ILs are paying for their older son's wedding cos it is held in a restuarant - they can afford that - and my ILs made it clear that they will take back all the APs. Further, their older son married a foreigner and migrated laready. He didn't want to return to Singapore for AD unless my ILs paid. Thats why my ILs paid.
 
fifi, well i can't tell my mother not to attend also... so bo pian have to let her come... but if she does threaten me or something, i'll just tell her dun come then dun come... i will still have my nice nice wedding and invite those relatives i know... after all, those long lost and distant relatives come also no point not as if know them at all... usually they are also a "money-losing bunch"... so no lost in not inviting them!!!
 
Hmm..faithz, what about having 2 wedding dinners? You can have a nice intimate ones for your friends and relatives. Just invite your parents/siblings for this one. Then have a mass one at a cheap restaurant for your relatives?
 
ah yes cactus, important factor who gets to keep APs... when's ur AD??

so i presume both ladies are keeping all of your APs?? can i just ask, if there is extra from the APs after the dinner, where will the money go?? to your joint account with hubby, split or???

my hubby is the youngest of three brothers, so can learn from his older brothers' experiences... his eldest brother held his in Intercontinental, for his side only, 15 tables, only got just over $6000. How pathetic is that? well the second brother having his wedding soon... so at least can learn from there... cos of this i dun want like my relatives to pay his relatives to accept me!!
 
i sorta already had my nice one for my ROM... personally i like my relatives, and i feel that no matter wat blood is thicker than water (except for my mum!! lol!!) so i actually didn't invite any friends at all... all relatives about 70 pax... very cosy and nice... hubby and i really enjoyed our ROM...

but for the AD, i'm the only daughter, so i also dun wan to let my dad down by having a "han suan" (miserly) dinner... personally i want to have a nice wedding, not extravagant, but lavish if possible... and my relatives all give well above market rate so no worries there...

however his side, Hakka people very miserly one... until we were considering separate dinner venues, one for his side at Hotel 81 or some buffet spread at HDB void deck, and a grand ballroom for my side... lol... but of course tt's only joking lah... but knowing that we would have to absorb more cost, we must be prepared to save more lor... really feel like giving them like a gift list kinda thing... so they know how much is the market rate... especially for those who were negative ROIs at my ROM!!! (meaning their AP not even enough to cover their own meals... we know who they are, same thing happened for eldest brother wedding too...) these kind of people ah, like hungry ghost like that one lor... not come to celebrate one, but come to have free meal!!
 
My AD is Sept 07. We'll be keeping all APs as my parents have said they will return all APs back to us. $ will go to joint account with husband.

It's natural to have some ideas on how brides should be accepted by the new family, but when it comes to $ matters with husband, I think it's better to take the approach that his $ is our $, our $ is his $. Try not to overly concerned k. It's better like that in the long run. In my case, I started off with more savings.. but now, contributions to joint account are 50-50. In fact, I even told my husband to use our combined savings to repay his mom's CPF which was used for his education.. which he did (amount to about $15k).
 
We will be keeping all APs too. My parents have said they will return all & I will get my FH to tell his parents that they have to return all to us too. Since we are paying ma.

The extra $ will go into all the gowns, photoshoot & all lor. If still got then to join account lor cos we will use that to pay for bills.

I agree abt the his $ is our $, my $ is our $. No difference. But guys sometimes need to have money that he can call "his own". So my FH & I have decided that we will each contribute a certain % of our salary into our joint acc every month. I control the joint account cos I am more organised. The rest we can each spend on whatever we want such as his computer or computer games & clothes and shoes for me. This way he does not feel controlled ma.
 
oh yah, heh, amidst the hotel 81 jokes, share with you all another one...

apparently a dialect group's customs include this Long Hu Bang (Billboard)... guess what it states?? yes, you're right, the AP amount given!! hahaha... meaning when guests arrive at the reception, the reception person will open the AP and declare Mr So and So $100 dollars or whatever amount they gave... lol... so my hubby wanted like an updated version for his side (he also cannot stand how ngiao his relatives are)... have LCD screens plastered all over, then when guests come in, take digital photo of them, they give AP, open the AP, flash the amount of $$ they give on the screen together with their pictures!!!!! LOLZ!!!!!!

hahahaha... the above is purely for self-entertainment only... persons who wish to seriously consider using it for their AD, well... hahahahaha... no comment!!
 
hmmm... for hubby and i, our rule is joint account (JA) money is only for joint expenses, like HDB, renovation, kids, more the long term stuff... i'm also using the JA to pay my parents' CPF loan, but i must pay back the JA with interest (which hubby and i agreed on this, i think it's only fair cos why should he pay for my education when i have the means to pay for it myself? just that i rather use the JA money first, and pay interest to JA rather than lugi on the CPF interest which i must pay back). on a day-to-day basis, he normally pays for dinner and he's also going to pay for household bills and give me household allowance once we get our flat... thus JA is strictly for long term big ticket items... oh, JA is also for our occasional trips lah... heh... for us, we only use JA money when both of us agree... if want to borrow, can, but must return...

yeah we also have our own personal money, but we're transparent about it... like at any time i can just ask him how much he has and vice versa...

thus, i dun want to put all the AP money into joint account cos it's been 50-50 so far... if say one side was expecting market rate AP and the other was expecting slightly below market rate AP then ok lah, no much diff... but now one side expecting relatively above market rate AP and the other side is expecting SUPER below market rate AP, then it's not fair... so i told my hubby we will split AP into his side and my side, the higher side we call Y, the lower side we call X... he can either put in X amount, and i will follow suit, or he can top up his X amount such that it becomes Y amount and I will put in Y amount as well... he's gonna aim for the second option... which i think is fairer also as we can still maintain our 50-50... it's just too bad he has such crappy relatives... sigh...
 
oh yah another joke... those who give $20 hongbaos, on the spot we'll just tell the reception that such people they can just return them the hongbaos and tell them go to the hawker centre and order zi char for themselves... either that or instruct the hotel to prepare $20 tables... muahahahaha... ok, i'm being evil now... :p
 
Hi Ladies

Have been following this thread as I will be having my AD soon. Some people especially relatives do not write their names on the APs. How do we differentiate between groom's or bride's APs - do we have 2 APs boxes at the reception ? thanks
 
HL: Get your receptionist to ask them to write or he/she can mark the Ang Paos with the names for you.

Faith: Personally I feel dun geh gao that much also. Cos he pays for your meals, give you allowance, etc. In the long run, that is more than the amount of extra AP money you get. Furthermore, banquet may not be profit. It may be lost. You want him to take out money when your side gave more? Why so troublesome. Just use all Ang Paos to pay for the wedding expenses lor.
 
Hi HL, apart from what Fifi mentioned earlier, I've seen wedding with 2 AP boxes and 2 sign-in areas.. but I personally dun really like this.. cos wedding is supposed to be "united" celebrations and it makes the issue of AP collecting a bit too "big".. if you get what I mean..
 
I think the joint account system my husband and I have is a bit different.

Husband and I have a personal account each. We will pay for our personal expenses, allowance to parents, and household expenses from these personal acount. But we will make a monthlycontribution to our joint account separately too. This joint account is for purchase of big ticket items like car, house. So far, we have been paying our wedding expenses from our personal account because the hotel makes us pay by instalment..

Husband earns about $500 more than me but cos his allowance to his parents is much more, ends up our monthly contribution to joint account is about the same.

Each time the $ in our joint account hits a certain sum, we will put inside fixed deposit with banks.. so we won't be tempted to touch it.
happy.gif
 
Hi Fifi,

Since you mention that the Hubby will give allowance, does that applies in current context? As you know, the husband will say that their wife also work, bring home their monthly wages etc. How to enforce such "ruling" that Hubby should give wife allowance?

So far, I haven't really ask my hubby if he'll give me any "Jia Yong" after we settle down. In fact, we contributed to our joint account every month just like Faithz. But when we go out, he will be the one who pay for the food, cab, movie, etc.

Do share with me your views. = )
 


My FH will not be giving me allowance. I mention is cos Faith said her husband will be giving her ma.

Basically for me, I earn more than FH. So I dun feel it's right for him to give me allowance. Our JA also is by percentage of salary so I am contributing more. But I dun mind cos when we go out, he will pay most of the time. Even when we bring my parents out, he also automatically foots the bill. So what for calculate until so clear.

In addition, my FH & I are very open about how much $$ we have. When he got bonus, etc, he will tell me how much he got.
 
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