Hey guys,
Some might remember me. Well, I chose to write this on the eve of New Year because I felt appropriate and there was a closure yesterday. So...
After almost 1.5 years of fights, arguments, debates, pain, hurt, devastation as well as disappointment, we both finally came to a conclusion. That came unexpectedly when both sat down face to face yesterday. She was finally honest about the fact she still seeing that married guy. But I guess time does move people and heal certain wounds. Ironically, my reaction was calm, composed and I said to her: "I can only wish you both the best and hope one day you can find an answer from him.." This answer, well, an ultimatum between her and that guy's wife. I shan't comment too much on her own future and what she chooses. (To give the best to others is to let go, bless them, give them what they want. Don't change people because of selfish needs, but, to give happiness to others is divine..)
We also came to a conclusion that in the best interest for the both of us, we part ways forever because relationship we tried, marriage we sealed and even a friendship after the incident we tried, we both concluded that some things will never change. I told her, change for yourself, not others but in light with the fact what is going on still, she won't see that "light" anytime soon. I also shall not blame her for this, some people take years to understand what they are doing is a mistake. The debate has to stop and it is also agreed that she shall file the divorce which we will supersede the Separation Deed that is already signed and in the best interest for both because like I mention to her from the start till now, it is best she do what is required which is the divorce proper itself, by her and for us.
Years and months past and when I look back, I only smile with content. Do I regret where I am now? Never. I made mistakes as well and without these, I will never be who I am today.
I want to share this message to everyone here and felt this is a message that might also be in line with one of my personal beliefs, that through, because of, or in spite of your connection with me, no matter if it was a moment, or a millennium, that something good will happen for all of us.
Money didn't buy me what I have today, blood, sweat and tears did. Money didn't get my someone I love to be in my life, came and left but blood, sweat and tears did. Happened didn't just happen, blood, sweat and tears happened first. Health was given to me, but fitness didn't, blood, sweat and tears did. Blood, sweat and tears paid for the time I invested at work, in relationships that worked and those that didn't. Blood, sweat and tears paid for the time I had to make sacrifices, of luxury, of personal ego, and of limiting beliefs and now is that time.
I have a plan, a dream, a vision, of which I wished for, hoped for, and then believed in it for. Many a times, there will be people who visit me, and shared the same wish, hope and belief, but not many, and maybe not any be with you till it happens. And even more, who doubted, who disbelieved your beliefs and who even took action to bring it down. It is you who own your dream. And it is you who can give it away.
In local Singlish, I shiok can already or boleh ta. But not in a selfish way. I am shiok when I see my love is happy. I shiok when I can afford that time and space for it to happen. I shiok when I have the capacity to bless another. I shiok when I have friends who share the same shiokness, and I shiok when they create that space and time for me to be shiok!
We all have the capacity and ability to take it to the next level, and many a times, emotion is that tap that turns it on or not. I had to tell myself, let emotions be the fuel to drive your ability, and not hinder it. Ego is our asset, but when it runs ahead of us, it writes cheques that we can't cash. Let it be the pen that drafts your dreams and not destroy it.
I am what I am today, not because I am good, but because of what I went through, my priceless experiences, the many mistakes I have made and of course, my friends whom I have lost and made through these years. They have, in their own way, through then, by them, or in spite of them, given me the colors to paint my dreams. And each beautiful day I have, is a beautiful gift of colors that they have given to me.
And I wish for you, hope for you and believe for you, that when you have your dream, that this message is one of the colors that has made it brighter and more beautiful than anyone can imagine.
Quoting myself: "Whatever choices, friends or foes made, good or bad, never regret them because in one way or another, they made you who you are today. And tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one."
A blessed New Year to all and your family.
Love,
Cal aka Torn_Guy