In ur earlier post u mentioned dun show hand until very sure and that if u meet someone who fulfills ur current wish list doesn't mean he's the ONE. So, may I ask how do I be sure, granting that currently I meet someone who doesn't fulfill my wish list, eg. Age, relationship status, profession etc. But we feel connected. Is he the ONE then?
Wow, Scope Guy, you are quite a psychic here LOL. I get what you mean tho. Right now, I think, there's hardly the One in marriage. Usually the One is found in love. Marriage and love don't seem to work together anymore. I am not looking for commitment to marriage. In fact, I don't want a marriage anymore, having experienced a loveless marriage before, at least from my part, I entered into a marriage without the love. Now, I love, but don't want marriage. Sigh.
So many hearts being hurt...and i'm of them. Lies after lies...Betrayal. Initially he would not admit and will turn hot-tempered if i asked questions, until the reality surfaced right in front of my eyes then finally he admit, apologised and assured me that he will not do it again. Can see and feel he put in efforts now. But can a person really change? Her no is still in his hp.
It's been awhile since I updated my own predicament...
I am in this situation of Separation Papers served but she not signing. Looking for Divorce now as the final straw and ya, get it over and done with. She has been (in metaphor) slapping me almost everyday for more than 2.5 months and say things like "I can't lose you completely" but at the same time say words of hurt.
I am very mentally tired to go through it anymore. Not savaging but struggling to deal with not why but how I am going through the next stage which is to file divorce. This somewhat is taxing and all...
I have shared earlier, you can't force her to sign the deed of separation and there isnt really a need to sign. Just go your separate ways - as I understand that she has already move out - so that is the effective separation date - provided you two are not together again after that - as in still have dates and sex.
As I can see.. you are not ready for divorce yet because she still can "slap you mentally". The next best thing is to cut off communication with her - if you are bent on divorcing. Just tell her to get out of your life - FULLSTOP. Don't reply to her call or SMS or email or anything.
You can proceed with divorce if you wish but I would advise you not to do anything now unless there is a specific reason you want a divorce now (like for eg, you want to re-marry). Otherwise just give yourself a little more time.. time is the best agent for anything. In time to come you will find divorce to be painless and easy once you are mentally ready.
wow another useful tip from this dear gentleman , SM..
the last post is also good .. i agree a bit since i am not in a hurry to file for div yet since i have not met anyone special yet.
torn guy u try to be brave n be calm first. just ignore all the slapping etc n take your time to think thru. like my situation rite now, i take my time to be truly calm first .. say give myself a year to think thru carefully n maybe by the time me n hubby are truly calm n ready to review n discuss the next step(unfortunately we have a kid so need to consider his feelings too).. we mutually agreed that we need to be calm truly n decide whether div or truly make up is for our best interest.
After more than 5 months of struggle and hurt, I have finally decided to move on. After approaching numerous lawyers, counselors, advise from family and seeked prayers, it is only right that I should pursue the inevitable.
During these couple months it was a downhill cycle. I lost my job, I lost myself and lost the will to do what's right. She constantly lie and many a times she even told me to close both eyes and trust her. She also mentioned that she didn't want to make any effort to make me trust her again. I have to admit, these few months I couldn't see clearly until recently it strikes me that I should have woken up early. I finally slap myself awake after so long.
I am at the same time logical. It has always been a fight between emotional battle with the logical side of me. The heart and mind. I have since found a job and things are more calm. I have started to shut her off by changing my number and also in the process of filing a new Deed of Separation as advised by my lawyer. One reason is also because of the HDB (MOP not fulfilled).
There is a saying, you never know how strong you can be until being strong is the only option you have left. So we just have to keep our heads up and keep moving forward.
Having said the above, I never regret trying to make things work. I have responsibilities and also a fair share of blame but it has reached a time that I call it quits knowing enough that my other half has lost the love and not willing to work out all the underlying problems. I can no longer force it thus it's time to give both a chance which is, to let go.
Just smile, its time I know that I don't own all the problems in the world.
P/s: No matter how much she has done to me, I have forgiven her and the love will always be there. We don't have to be heartless to end a marriage regardless of how the other half do to you.
you seem to underestimate her ability to mind fark your mental state even though she's the one at fault.
yes, you might share part of the blame as well but you really shouldn't wallow in self-pity that long.
forgiving is just the easy but being able to forget the whole thing is even tougher.
It is denise. Thanks. Emotional turmoil and hurt won't resolve overnight but it is only right to start the healing process now. I think by saying "go find happiness now" is a bit BS to me but tranquility is a start. Time to stop the fighting and arguments and find peace with my own self. Happiness will come one day naturally.
Although the charter is in place for donkey years....a lot of guys out there really did not looks into it before marriage.....coz i got tons of friends who were stun when i explain to them abt the charter....><"
So lesson is make sure u are aware of how the woman charter works before entering into a marriage in singapore....><"
that is a typical auntie post... legal fees are not exhorbitant to the point of being unavailable to those with average salaries, and certainly not made accessible to the rich.
there are legal aid avail to poorer folks as well, and the advice is not discounted. problem is mostly to do with ignorance, uninitiated, and the tendency to spend majority of time lamenting instead of solving.
i've also come across lawyers who Do try to accomodate their fees one way or another, or cap their fees. so it's not like the legal profession has not good pple.
your auntie fren or watever... may not have been as pro-active in seeking solutions as she is sharing her woes... and that's normally the case.
IMHO, I feel that sometimes if you don't love yourself enough, you let the other party trample all over you. On the other hand, if you love yourself too much, the other party might not feel that you really love her sincerely. There must be a balance somewhere.
Aiyah poor ppl like me must moonlight as salesman sometimes mah...just hope they spare a penny for helping them promote their book mah.....
I personally thinks that they should make it mandatory to explain the entire charter to both parties before the couple actually get married....><"
And if possible legalize pre-nuptial agreement in singapore....
Two weeks ago, Sunday times publish an article about pre-nup getting more and more common this days in singapore....this article is a hoax....ask any divorce lawyer and they will tells u that the singapore court of law dun acknowledge pre-nup during a divorce....unless ur marriage is registered in another country that acknowledge pre-nup and u contest ur case in singapore...otherwise signing pre-nup is useless here...
Not only should the rich fear the charter, a lot of poor people like me fear it just as well....already so poor...can u imagine having to pay for alimony in the event of a divorce.....=_________="
Relax guys... No point having endless debate on this. Love is love, law is law. We try to mix it but because in good times, we never mentioned this, but in bad times, because of the human nature (impulse and personal gains etc etc), the subject of love and law comes together which can be unfair and a pain...
u actually read the book....u r one of the many out there that chooses love over everything else...
Wendi Deng is an extremely focus woman especially when u looks at her personal life before she lands her big catch "Rupert Murdoch"...she knows clearly what she wants in life and will stops at nothing to get it....she remind me of Jiang Qin...another woman who dun let her heart dominates her thinking...><"
don't marry just for money and status.... in this modern era, it stinks knowing that a woman is treating marriage like an advancement in career when there shld be a balance of love and rationality.
Torn Guy, the lessons in our life are meant to provide certain hindsights that we could never see until the experience arrives and we reflect upon it. with these life experiences, we can only get stronger and be more adept at making decisions. i wish you all the best in your new chapter.
There is really nothing wrong with what mrs.murdoch did....She knew exactly what she wanted in her life....from her 1st marriage to Jake Cherry to obtain her green card to her marriage to Rupert Murdoch to obtain the wealth n power she has always desired...><"
It is safer to marry for money...at least in the end...even if ur hubby strays when ur youth is gone...u still wields immense wealth....><"
If still in doubts, like i always say...pop over to sammyboy and see the number of guys camping there...lol
Jiang Qing is Mao Zedong wife...she is well known for one saying..."Sex is engaging in the first rounds but what sustains interest in the long run is power"....This quote alone shows that she never let her heart rules her thinking in her choice of men....><"
This term "Love" will fades over time...a lot of woman usually wakes up in their 40s n 50s when their only bargaining chip "Youth" is gone....><"
The question is not if Wendi Deng was right or wrong. But, can you do what she did and is still doing (the work doesn't stop after she got Rupert Murdoch). Are you willing to pay the price? It's not a price any woman can pay.