Devastated....Failed Marriage

Darine, like you mentioned he says his heart may not be with you but when it all takes time.

When he is confused and lost like yourself, everyone wants to escape from this feeling by saying things he/she may not like to hear and subconsiously say things that may hurt each other.

Give yourself and him some time to think it through. It is about managing this calmly. Ask him or yourself more will only make each other say things that you don't want to hear and eventually both had enough to say "I want out and I had enough". Talk to him and say let's give each other time (never put a dateline) and just let everything be natural and that's what I call patience, unconditionally offering one which will move his heart. Remember we should never say he must or should be the one apologising to me then your mentality is wrong. Is he worth it? If he is then just wait.

Don't assume or keep pestering him or yourself. It is only going to push each other away further and further and you know it yourself. It is one-sided to some extent. It really takes time but it depends on how you want manage this yourself, no one here can tell you what to do.

Take this note: If you fall, fresh wound hurts... Everyday and every moment you keep irritating it and touch it will it heal and faster? No... However, over the next few days and weeks you may have to walk slowly because constantly you feel pain and at times you may bleed. It is sensitive whenever you apply medication to it but it will heal eventually. And that is how love is, exactly the same. Then you may ask me, how? If I add salt to it isn't it going to heal faster? My answer, yes...But realistically it will also bleed and feel more painful but can you take it? If you can, it means you are taking a leap of faith to heal it faster, in a way by unconditionally (very difficult) and patiently (even more difficult) to say I will wait and slowly give both parties time to heal if it is worth it...

Wish you well.


New Member
Torn Guy,

You missed the whole point.


No matter how you decide, think, imagine, suppose, assume... my women did stress I am a great lover. LOL~

You are assuming and thinking too much, Torn Guy.

Relax, and learn from your lesson.

As for myself, I am looking for love, not a system called marriage. And I'd seek it to the very end. A woman who loves marriage more than me pisses me off... and a woman who asks to marry will definitely get my tests on her love for me.

I can safely tell you, 99% of the women want marriage. But 99% of the women don't know the fock about the vows they will be making, of what they mean.

I am looking for the 1%...

It's ok, I am not offended. I am not petty. You are welcomed to go on sharing your views. But mortal... I usually can see where you are coming from and heading to.

Go and find your One, Torn Guy... and to beyond death will you love her and she loves you. And of course, enjoy the hot sex with plenty of orgasms. LOL~

It's in a way the same... why marriage without love? Why sex without multiple orgasms? See?
In retrospect Scope Guy, you kept emphasising this over many post on yourself and being morbid over marriage topics:

1. You are a great lover (I prefer you keep this comment to yourself or unless you advertising yourself to tell the world how good a person you are)

2. We are not talking about you and you alone. You kept talking about how "you" want love than marriage. How about offering to the broken hearted folks here who are already "married" and offer better advise than to just say love and not marriage.

3. Sex and Orgasms, you seem to over induce this topic into the context of managing a broken marriage.

I can't dictate what you say but seriously, stop talking about yourself unless you really looking at hooking up girls here or gaining credits.

Cheers and I am not offended as well. Hope this post finds a closure to this debate


New Member
Torn Guy,

1. You are the one who said this, and I have to agree. It's hence not advertising. I don't need that since I don't find girls online.

2. In a discussion, isn't it about my stance and your stance? You also talked about you and your thinking.

3. It's just an illustration. You have to learn how to digest.


New Member
torn guy.. thanks... he didn't want the time.. he wanted to get over asap. his exact words... i don't like to drag. he is now selling his car and the house and pushing me for my go ahead. i didn't want to... he went ahead and closed the joint accounts too. as much as i wanted to wait and give us time to cool... he is not giving us that opportunity... i was not in my best of health and he knows.. yet all this while.. there is nothing from him... only a month we may argue.. but he's pushing me to the end with what he is doing....


Well-Known Member
darine, it takes 2 to work a marriage but only one to end it.

I'm very sorry to hear about your miscarry. Nothing matters more than your health. Focus on that.

this is sad to read your post?

U got to be strong ok. I have another friend whom is going to confront her hubby over his "affair" tonight. I managed to find evidence against her hubby recently n informed her. Her case is a bit complicated than mine cos the other woman is pregnant with my friend's husband now. U r not alone. My husband also got affair and it make the things worse, the other woman is my friend. Needless to say, i got over the shock after nearly two months n currently preparing myself for more surprises that might come.

I am so sorry abt your loss of baby but again u must be calm n focus on your health first. I agree with Milo.


New Member

Oredi that woman got pregnant liao still confront is very shiok? LOL~

Pls update me on the outcome, thanks.

Darine Gal,

Face it, you made a wrong choice, learn and move on. You are apparently not the only woman who thinks marriage is but a decision.


So what he gives you time. So what he gives you until you die... you will still be only stuck in a loveless marriage.

Ok. Alot of peers are stuck in loveless marriage... pretending that love still exists in the SO wtf.

Nice. He chop chop, you chop chop.


Hi Darine

We never really truly know what's going to happen in our lives, do we? There are things that we cannot control, I'm sorry for your loss... and this indeed is a tough time for you. Don't burden yourself with analysing about "what happened" and "could he have been...", but do look towards the future.

Whatever your religion, even if you have none, I find this prayer helpful in all its wisdom:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
Courage to change the things I can,
And wisdom to know the difference."

The original:

By Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; enjoying one moment at a time; accepting hardship as the pathway to peace. Taking as Jesus did this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will; that I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him forever in the next."

I hope that you have been talking to and confiding in your family and friends. Don't keep all of these to yourself. Take care.


New Member
torn guy, darine & blur: hope all of uwill be getting stronger and stronger as days goes by
thanks BB.

yes i losing feelings for the husband of mine slowly. I alr highlighted to him i wish to end marriage asap despites he trying to make up to me.. all is too late....

I m moving on with my life positively... now trying ....

At this stage, he may be impulsive. Taking a neutral side, have you ever talked to him in a calm manner or always end up in hot headed debate and argument?

Yes, I agree with most that health is more important. And I am sorry for the lost but there is always a reason for everything regardless of what religion you are in. For now, just make sure you are at best of health and do talk to your family, blood is thicker than water.

I wish you well and take a step at a time including yourself. Even he has to run, you just walk. There is no point chasing. Do at your own pace, make decisions you feel comfortable and take breather when you feel breathless.

We are always here to offer moral support like what I received from many here. Yes, it will be difficult and I am still managing myself...So far attended my 3rd counseling session and I cannot say it is getting any better but should say in a way clearer of what directions I should take, on my own and likewise for you, you have to answer questions yourself. You only can absorb that much from us.

Take care...
Let me share with you a short story I wrote recently with a lesson to learn from this (apologies as my story is not as good as those in fiction romance story):

A devoted loving Husband has been looking after his Wife tirelessly; she suffered a stroke and caused her into a comatose state for quite a while. This went on for five long years…

The Husband was so devastated and sad that Doctors told him to prepare for the worst, she might never wake up, her health may deteriorate and she may pass on in this state. Even with the news from the Doctors, the Husband decided to push on and unconditionally takes care of her wife and loved her through thick and think and better or worst even when she couldn’t reciprocate with any response or love. The only thing that the wife under comatose period only gave him was the PCG monitor showing him her constant and steady heartbeat. Beep… Beep… Beep…. This heartbeat gave him a sense of hope which made him carry on and hope that she will wake up someday, somehow… He struggled alone but never gives up. As days, weeks and months goes, his tears gave him more strength to go on because he didn’t want to let her wife sees that he is tormented and torn by the very predicament she is in, lying on bed comatose. Hence he press on showing his strong front but he was still very vulnerable inside.

Years later, the Husband felt that after spending days and nights talking to her about the past memories they had, telling her stories and how they could live the life and the dreams they should fulfill when she wakes up, kiss her on her forehead with sorrows of love and held her hand tightly every night beside her bed and slept next to her on a chair without fail. Deep down he knew that somehow it was really hopeless, it was dire in many ways and it was definitely one-sided. He, everyday expected some kind of reaction, slight finger movement or eye movement, but it never happened. Although feeling as sad as day one, he continued to shower her with relentless care, love and passion to take care of her. However, tragedy strike one day and unexpectedly, because of the over stressing, the many struggle to keep himself devoted, sane and being alone all by himself every day with the trips to the hospital, the husband passed on beside her while reading a book to her, this was a book called “Have a little faithâ€. The Doctors rushed in and tried to save him but he eventually pass on.

Barely a year has passed, the Wife woke up and first thing came to her mind was where her husband was; she couldn’t find the Husband within her blurry sight. It was only later she found out that her Husband died. The Doctors told her that he has been beside her taking care of her for four years. Every day, rain or shine without fail coming down telling her stories, read papers, combed her hair to make sure she looks pretty, cut her hair to make sure she looks her best, kissed her to show the love and loved her in solitary for the commitment of the marriage. Everyone in the ward knew how much the Husband loved her Wife. The Wife almost collapsed…

Days later while grieving her Husband’s death, she then found a little diary that looks battered which her husband wrote in those four years hidden at the back of the lower deck drawer, the diary was written next to her. He wrote in one of the pages in the diary dated three years after the day she suffered the stroke: “My dearest wife, beside you writing this today. I tried to ask myself for the past three years, is it worth it knowing that you are comatose for so long would you wake up one day. For three years, you never moved a bit and you just laid there motionless. I felt like giving up seeing that the person I love showed no love. I felt remorseful and selfishly having such thoughts but I had to ask myself these two difficult questions: should I pull the plug and don’t let you and myself suffer or to carry on and to hope that you will wake up one day? Many times, I wanted to pull the plug because you constantly had high fever, high blood pressure and seeing you suffer daily coupled with how much I felt lonely and had been feeling sad that you weren’t there for me. Or, to continue hoping when the whole world including the Doctors say it is hopeless and you laid there for three years and never moved a bit, I told myself your heartbeat in the PCG monitor kept me going even if I received nothing from you because I love you so much. What kind of Husband would I be if I give up when you needed me the most... I will patiently waited for you and hope that you will wake up one day so that we can have an ever after love…â€

Flipping through the pages as she reaches forth year in the little battered diary, she saw the last final entry in the diary with her tears filled her eyes and rolling down her skinny cheeks with the tear drops landing on the final page of this diary smuching the ink and crumpling the page because he solemnly wrote: “My dear, I still love you no matter what but I could feel that my heart could no longer take it. I know my time is near and I have decided to pull my own plug and at the same time let you go because I love you so much. I couldn’t and wouldn’t be there for you but I shall see you soon, in heaven or next life. You will always be the one in my heart and I never will forget you, your gentle loving smile. Without you and your heartbeat, I wouldn’t be able to make it till today because, it was the only hope that kept me alive till today, and it was hope that kept the love till today. I love you for eternity… Hubby.†It was those simple words that were a lifetime of regrets that he had to carry, into his next life.

Unfortunately, she, the Wife after reading this final entry, due to further complications died shortly after she returned conscious. Doctors diagnosed her death as a failure to have motivation in life hence she died of cardiac arrest. A Nurse remembered this clearly, it was when she finished the final page she cried so hard and the next day, the Nurse was told by Doctor she died of complications. Immediately, the Nurse has her eyes filled with tears of despair. But the Nurse knew, this was a love by both but never able to receive it, it was fated… The Nurse was so touched by this and vowed to never take love ever so lightly because when true love really exist, love can never be measured but only how much he/she could show and prove, but the chance was never given to either of them but this was indeed true love, this itself was a romance, to let go the person he truely love and stayed with her as long as he could, the biggest sacrifice of love. That, was "The last of him".

I was, personally for me, I am less than the man of the Husband depicted in my story above... Imperfection.


New Member
Could anyone advise on my situation.
Me and wife finally agree to proceed with divorce and the fact is we have been sleeping in different room for more than 3 yrs, although we still stay in the same house.
Could we apply for divorce immediately with reason "Separation for 3 years" ?
New Life, unfortunately this time have to agree with Scope guy. If never consummate or co-habit (different room or stay separate house) can constitute to a separation hence 3 years separation can be petition as the reason for filing a divorce. Best is you consult your lawyer but this is what I was told by mine.


New Member
Torn Guy,

What unfortunately? LOL~

Actually, they can still have sex, but tell the judge they didn't. As long as they cooperate, it's like a will to divorce, judge also LL.


New Member
Thank you for the response (Scope and Torn) Guy.
It's relief if we can move on immediately, because we have a daughter and she is now 4 yrs old.
Dragging the process, won't do good for her.
@Torn_Guy, I understand you are in the midst of preparing DOS. Hope things going well for you.

I find it's not easy to find good and not pricey lawyer, Please pm me at [email protected]
If you have good reference.
Thank you in advance.


New Member
Hi all,
Chanced upon this thread and would like to share my story.
Been with this man for 10 years, dated long distance for 6 years when he was studying overseas. We got romed in 08 and customary in 09. Thought things wld be very stable since we successfully endured a long D for 6 years. He was my first bf n vice versa.
After we got married, I tried my best to be a gd wife. I come from a traditional family and thinks that the way to keep a husband is through satisfying his tummy. I've a taxing job myself but never complained of having to take care of his household needs. He tends to be very messy, like a child due to being an only child and spoilt by his parents. my interest is in cooking, Hence he always has food at home waiting. I do the chores as well n he's always my priority, then family
followed by friends. Only if he has sth on or on shift tt day then i wld join my family and friends. So what else is he
expecting honestly?

I spent my youth on him for the past 10 yes, only to have him change heart and cheat on me at work. He changed completely after starting to work for the first time in his life. I know ppl do change when they start to work after seeing more of the world. But he changed so drastically even our common friends are appalled. Family members are shocked at his behavior but no one can do anything. It's like he started turning 18 all over again, be extremely active on fb when he usually cldnt care less, adding many young staff nurses which he barely even knows and lived like he was single. He even had the gut to tell me one day, tt he wishes to date other people. Totally bizarre n irresponsible. Has he totally forgotten n disregarded his marriage vows to me?

I asked him for a reason for his change but he just doesn't have an answer. We talked in front of his parents, as I do not want them to think it's my fault. Yet he chose to keep quiet and I still have not found my answer for his drastic change.

He used to be my life and everything, but I've decided an
immature and senseless guy like him will not deserve my love
henceforth. He still hasn't come to his senses and continues
to live blatantly like a single bachelor, no qualms abt feeling guilty at all. Its difficult and I can totally understand what some of you are going through. But really don't understand men after all these. Seems like really scary creatures and it makes me lose faith in them.

Now I've moved out but contemplating if I she file for immediate divorce based on unreasonable behavior or 3 yr separation. I have proof of inappropriate behavior with his colleague and I'm really tired and drained. It's starting to affect my job.


New Member
Hi glamour,

Your hubby loves the "X" factor of you when you are single that's why he marrys you and not other ladies. It's just that in your strive to be a perfect housewife, you have neglected your "X" factor.

Different men are attracted to different "X" factor. Some like sexy, some like innocent cute, some like intellect, etc. You should focus on your "X" factor and what your hubby loves, not just his dinner or ironing his shirts.

We can learn something about Mistresses. Why are men attracted to their mistress and not the wife?
We are all women, but what have they got that we don't have. We should study these successful mistress and learn from them.

I can do housework, cook and teach my kids really well but this is secondary because I have my maid, my mum and my kids' teacher to help out.
But there is no one to be my hubby's lover except me and you definitely don't want to outsource the "lover's duty", right?

I read books about successful Mistresses. I study their behaviour and dressing style. I even look through my hubby's porn magazines and Men's magazines (FHM) in the NTUC secretly, to learn more about men.

There were a few times people were puzzled with me looking at Men's porn magazines in NTUC. It's embarrassing but I have to update myself on the latest fashion of these hot, attractive girls.

The world is constantly changing and moving with times. Please don't get stuck with the dated 10 years ago make-up and dressing style. Learn and surpass those attractive girls that your hubby admires. Remember your hubby choose you and not others, you can do it again.

This is just my own experience and may not be suitable for everybody.

I hope the ladies don't find them degrading, just thought of sharing some of my tips with you, ladies.


New Member
i did not know u can find porn's magazine in NTUC nowadays.

Thanks for the heads up / tips Aunty Albee.


Active Member
Albee, why do you assume that glamour83 is 'outdated' in behaviour and dressing? No doubt she focused on certain routines like cooking for hubby and doing chores for family, raising the kids etc...I believe she didn't mention about not updating her looks or anything. We never know. She could have a super hot body beneath those auntie clothes. Sometimes you can be the hottest lady in the house but men's eyes just will rove. Only those who truly love their wives would have that self-discipline, right values and determination not to stray. Seems to me that you would go all the way out to satisfy your hubby? What you cited are not degrading at all. You mean to say as women, we don't usually watch porn or read Men's mags and must do this simply for our hubby? That certainly sounds funny to me. I enjoy porn as much as my hubby and don't do this for him particularly. Also, how many girls can you surpass? Even when you're past 40years old, still can use miraculous products and clothes to dress up like a 20year old girl? I think we need to face reality. This is surely NOT the only way to sustain a marriage or keep your hubby keen. Physical connection is one, emotional connection is another level. Besides, I believe it gotta be mutual. Shouldn't our hubbys update themselves in their skills in bed, their dress sense, their figures etc to satisfy us? Let's have more self-confidence, ladies. This self-confidence and self-love in us is unrivalled. Keeping update is one thing...going all the way out and doing so much just to keep hubby all the time keen is no life.


New Member

This man is ungrateful and irresponsible. Fortunately you'r still young and have no kids, moving on or finding your right partner isn't that tough. To settle and end this marriage faster the better for you. Put everythings a full stop and moving on will be much much easier.


New Member
What Denise80 said make some sense...

However... Women are generally depreciating assets, so what make you women think men should update for you? (When he can find younger fresher flowers to enjoy...)



Active Member
"I read books about successful Mistresses. I study their behaviour and dressing style."

Albee, can you list out some titles?


Active Member
"Now I've moved out but contemplating if I she file for immediate divorce based on unreasonable behavior or 3 yr separation. I have proof of inappropriate behavior with his colleague and I'm really tired and drained. It's starting to affect my job."

Glamour, since you have decided to put an end to the marriage, go on the easiest route of course.


New Member
Hi all, thanks for your feedback.

I think I know my route very well but many at times I just tend to take a few steps back and ponder why sth like this is happening to me. I'm just an ordinary Singaporean girl with normal values and beliefs as many out there. I go into a marriage thinking it's for life, why can't he have this commitment? I'm disappointed my life is marred by this man who I thought I cld trust most.

Also not trying to boast, but I am not auntie looking, yet. I'm a size 6 and image is of high importance to me. I think I'm
Considered rather well kept. But this is not important at all. Even if I'm the hottest babe around, his heart has still changed.
glamour83, u r not alone. Myself has the same belief like u n even average singaporean but still my hubby heart changed, then pushed all the blame for his straying away from me too.. I would still think his straying has nothing to do with me. just that he was unfaithful n playing alot before he met me and after being together with me for few months he started again. Years later i finally realised that my hubby is actually not the one for me as he has problems controlling his lust for many women n has the itch to play ard. today i told him i wanted to end asap n get out faster but he is unwilling as i think he knows he will lose his family etc including the chances to play with my female friends. I also know he dun truly love me from his bottom of heart. He could shower all his love on TOW. I dun really hate the TOW anymore and has the desire to leave him for my own happiness. My own happiness does not necessarily come from another man but the desire to do something for the Lord.


New Member
Glamour83 and Blur,

Firstly... NEVER use your imagination on men!!! That's what I have been trying to wake that Denise80 up.

But I know it's impossible.

Look, I understand what you are going thru, Glamour83. Like it or not, find your ONE!!! There is a reason why left from the past to now, there is something called the One.

You look at the Italian President or wtf... All his partners were top models, hookers and wtf... he's not going to stop cos he got a size 6 and woman whose image is highly important to her.

Got it?

His heart NEVER changed!

In this game... it's always his heart has you or his heart never.

He just wants to keep marriage a property of his, a wife to show his manhood, and that's all.

The LORD is not going to help you women... unless you help yourself. Yes. Marriage is a lifetime event... But you look at the women here fighting arguing yelling... as if they know men... till they 40 something and beyond...

Seek the One out. That's the only thing your God will create for you. It's a very simple game with clear cut objective. The One will love you for a lifetime... and beyond.

And it's not fairy tale. LOL~


Well-Known Member
Marriage... a decision or not?

the discussion is endless. There is no perfect match. Everyone is different. However, for any marriage to work, compatibility is a very key consideration.

Seems contradicting?

Well... before you come with the decision for marriage, there are many basic elements that would contribute to it. Marriage is not an outcome nor destination, its only another phase in the long walk in your life. The 'right' partner isn't the perfect person, but someone that can create synergy with you. This means, you will be happier than ever before together. This means, both of you will never want to turn back. If you married someone you cannot even trust to your watch back. Ask yourself, why did you even marry for? for expectations, goals or emotions? Love in a fulfilling marriage is much more than all these. That's the synergy that will tell you this is the one. Regardless you are a size 6 or not.


New Member
Scope, u talk about finding The One as though it's very easy... Care to elaborate how we can identify if that person is the One? I heard of so many happily married couples who still divorced years later. They must have felt so strongly they are the One for each other at some point.


New Member

I never said searching for the One is easy. The point is basically it's NOT easy. Hence don't just FANTASIZE...

You know why so many divorce in Singapore and many more stuck in a loveless marriage after 45yo...

Precisely when they married, the women usually fantasized that their men will be the Ones! And they married men designed NOT to love them forever!

There is no forever romance in these men... no love... ONLY at most commitment. And they can't tough things out, so once something cracks, they break.

So the problem is a woman CHOSE to love someone who can't love them forever... when she SHOULD choose to love someone who WILL love them forever.

I studied this 'phenomenon' during sec school days... God has... made things extremely difficult because Women are the decision maker and they are not blessed with wisdom. Which is the whole beauty of it.

Every woman's One is a different story. Some women will experience it, some will never know who he is. Every obstacle God gives to women will be different.

So it's like a card game...

Believe it or not...

There will be this man... who will love you forever. You will meet many men in life... Of so many cards... your challenge will be to pinpoint which is the card... who is the man.

So the How-To is very simple...

Be serious in relationship, THINK... and flip every card God hides. Don't just choose what God gives you and you feel acceptable... Play your card game carefully, seriously, and always understand that love is a lifetime issue... your purpose in this card game is to pinpoint that someone who will love you and induce your love forever.

Don't ever showhand unless you are very sure... this is the guy God is hiding away... Because usually, you will have to worth the One as well.

Ie... If you just meet someone... who you think fulfill your every current wishlist... and choose to fall in love with, to then marry... That's when so many relationships hit rocks...

Because that doesn't mean he is the One...

You do not choose the One. God has already created him for you.

Your job to accomplish this fairy tale is to know which is the card.


Active Member
Hi Glamour

Infidelity can happen to anyone in a relationship or marriage. But it is still better than death and tax which are a sure thing in life.


New Member

Is it really better? LOL~

How many women here who already got the infidelity issue rather pay more tax but keep their husbands? Hehehe~

It's meant to be a joke.


Active Member
doll, I think infidelity in a relationship/marriage is far better than a day with a man like Scope. And no, this is not a joke. I'm extremely serious.


Active Member
Failed correlation again - brute and 'bluff moe'?No correlation. Don't attempt research okay. You can't make it.


Active Member
Check up the meaning of 'correlation' in a research, you illiterate one. You can't even provide antonyms well - brute vs you would be nice? LOL!