Any Mixed Marriages here? Esp Chinese-Malay Muslim couple

Hello Tickles...

Yup if you convert, you can choose your own name... from the Islamic name listing for women...

Yes you can still use your name as Jernie... no problems with that too...

If you intend to take classes at Darul Arqam, you can clarify this further with the officer in charge. You can talk to a lady officer if you are not comfortable with any one else.. They will be looking forward to help you in any way they can.

Please do keep in touch...

Riza
 


Hey Girls! It's been a looong time since I last came in here and posted anything. How is everyone?

I spy a newbie...Welcome and sunny hellos to Riza.

Tickkles, I think it should be alright to keep your name unless your current name has an untoward meaning to it. Otherwise, I would think it's ok. But really, speak to the officers at Darul Arqam and they'll be glad to clarify, I'm sure.

Chin, how did your conversion go? Are you now panicking from the wedding prep you need to tie up? When's your wedding again? Me and hubs are invited right? --> I'm sooo thick-skinned and shameful, no?

Suhfyera, I guess certain "practices" are up to individual. Mass population also plays a part in contributing to progresses made in certain practices ie. like Christmas gift-giving. Or henna. Or yoga.

Personally, I don't see why one can't practise yoga if it's for health purposes (one does not need to pray to some Higher being right?), or have henna applied or go out for lunch or dinner with friends and family at Christmas.
 
Hi gals

I'm new here! can i join the conversation?
I'm a chinese and my htb is a muslim. is this common nowadays? I told my friend that i'm marriage with a muslim and they advise not to due to religion issue. expecialty chinese eat pork and muslim don't. How can we solve this problem? Can anyone help? We have done all our preparation and his mum feels unhappy cos his only son want to marry a chinese. Confuse!!!
 
Hello Chris!

There are a few here who are Muslim converts. 2 have got married and rather difficult to get them. One of them Huichin still tries to linger here even though she keeps ungodly hours in the office whilst preparing for her wedding in a few months. The last time I met with her, she was supposed to have gone through the conversation already so maybe she would be best to speak to personally to get an indepth look.

All I can say from a third party is that it sure does look like you've got an uphill battle. But having said that, no marriage is easy. Having come from a different cultural and religious background do pose a bit of a problem so take it one day at a time. Don't listen to the naysayers. You need to speak to your husband to be on your fears etc. Having open communication is the first step. Have you tried having normal conversation with his mom? Perhaps her unhappiness is not due to his only son marrying a Chinese but stems from the fact that his only son is getting married.
 
Dear Chris_Farhann,

Welcome
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Its common to see mix marriages. So you arent alone.

Would love to help you in your situation further.
If we can talk online... please let me know.. okies...

YAHOO ID: tiaramazlina_02

MSN ID: [email protected]

yours truly,
Riza
 
hi hi all !!!

Chris : Marnie is right bout mix marriages. Be prepared! I'm also chinese marrying a muslim man. Just a few questions, are you converting? Are your parents alright that you're marrying a Muslim?

Riza : Hello, welcome to d forum!! When are your planning your wedding?
 
Thank you ipz(ipziee)
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Though I am new in this forum, I am here to give all of you lovely ladies the moral, spiritual and emotional support.

Pardon me, coz my hubby is not Chinese, but I have gone thru alot of scenario be it, personally or seeing my family and friends who have overcome all the ordeal... especially with regards to mixed marriages.

Alhamdullilah, my hubby is a convert went thru the Marriage Counseling Class underwent the Conversion classes and Praying classes, took his Syahadah, all being organized by Darul Arqam and still practices Islam.

To all the ladies here in the forum, though I do not know you well as yet.. we (my hubby & I) are here for you okies..

As for the wedding, we have done our Malay ("akad nikah") ~ solemnization & reception back in Spore (Sept 2005).

Now in turn, to pay respect to my hubby's heritage and family we are planning an American wedding + reception since Sean, my hubby is his grandpa's favorite grandson.

To me its also a "reunion" for both families and friends, to get together and to celebrate our love for them.

The wedding + reunion is scheduled on Saturday, June 07 2008. Insha Allah.

Imagine trying to resource for an Irish + French + American wedding/stuffs with an Asian flair.

Looking forward to hear from all of you, real soon. Take good care of yourself, family, friends and your loved ones...

yours truly,
Riza & Amin Sean Clark
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hello chris, welcome..
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altough i do not intend to marry my bf soon due to our tight finances, we have talked about things and reached compromises here and there.. i dun take beef so my bf does not eat it when with me and his family also understand tat i dun take beef so when they know i am going for dinner, they will try not to have dishes with beef in it. on the other hand, if my bf is coming to my place for dinner, my mum will cook specially for the both of us using separate pots and utensils. he has been joining us for CNY reunion dinner for the past two years as well.
i agree with Idyll tat is is impt to voice out the fears. even after 3 years i still am not sure of many many things! but like my bf says, we are in this together, so we learn as we go!
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things will hopefully turn out well in the end! ;p
 
Tickkles, both sets of families are good and are really helping both of you in the transition - that's super! Congrats!

Riza, organising a wedding incorporting both sides' cultural elements can be quite fun - I learnt a lot when organising ours. We both learned a lot along the way, especially when we DIY-ed all the way.

So are you now based here or in the US?
 
Idyll (marnie),

May I know where r u now?... Care for an introduction... I believe yours have both, the Malay wedding + the Chinese Tea Ceremony??

My sincere apologies if I am wrong...

Currently I'm in Denver, Colorado US.
 
Riza, no worries.

I'm based in Singapore for now. My hubby is of Bangladeshi descent who lived most of his life in London before moving to Melbourne and then Sydney later. Our wedding was a mix of both our cultures. Ours is not as difficult as a few of the girls here cos' my hubby is already a Muslim. Just the cultural differences was a tad bit shocking for both of us.
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Hi Riza, sure, I would love to expand my mind. Have no friends or family in the state where you are. I always envision CO to be an expanse of woods and wide open spaces. --> dreamy me....

My email is [email protected]

By the way, see my post on February 7 and you can click the link to a selection of our actual day wedding photos. Somewhere in there too are our pre-wedding bridal photos. Alamak, we took so many photos - pre-wedding bridal photos, pre-wedding lunch soiree, actual wedding day, post wedding dinner. (I'm a photography freak!)
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Hi Idyll & Riza

Actually I find it quite tough cos we have to go thru a church wedding, malay & chinese customary. Headache!!! Our wedding date getting nearer and all stress being now...

The most troublesome part is the food, we need to cater for international halal fusion food. We search for quite some time but luckily we got one now.
 
Chris_Farhann, I'd suggest do one at a time. Take stock of what you have done --> makes you feel really proud of what you have accomplished so far - that always works for me as a morale boost.
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Are you doing all three events on one day? Maybe the Malay and Chinese customary can be done on one day? Are you doing a civil marriage or are you converting --> sorry if I am prying too much. I tend to have a glib tongue, apart from being kaypoh.
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Chris_Farhann,

Dont stress stress okies.. later muka tak "berseri"...

Yup, I agree with Idyll... take one thing at one time...

We are here to assist you in any way we can okies.. Take care gurl.

Riza
 
hello chris_farhann... hey riza..fancy meeting you here!

anyways CHriss_farhann, can i call u c_f, easierlah.
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I say take teh girls advise..take it easy. My husband Chris just converted 3 days before we got married last week. his friends and family are unaware of it! he have decided top tell them slowly... am ok with it.
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hihi gals (esp to all newbies) itz been sometime since i pop in here. congrats to EJ & hubby. am happy to see more pple joining the forum. it really helps to knoe dat there are others out there experiencing the same things too.

currently, i am trying to memorise the Fatihah. finding it a bit of a challenge cos itz in arabic and the words has no meaning to me when i'm reciting it even thou there's english translation. maybe u gals can gimme some tips on how u gals memorise it. i am really worried abt the evaluation. i am hoping to convert and do the evaluation in Aug tis yr.

hey Huichin, have u gone for ur evaluation? can u share ur experience? btw, did u juz complete the Marriage Guidance Course in March at Eunos? i thot i heard ur name when the lady gave out the cert.
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so juz wondering if itz you.

cheers
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Hello there Muntou...

Please dont worry or stress yourself with the evaluation or even to recite the surah Al-Fatihah. Insha Allah you can do this smoothly. These take time.

To learn to recite the surah, maybe you can purchase the Muqaddam or CDs or the Quran from Darul Arqam.. or search online where you can learn to read the Quran, listen to the recitation and learn from there... listen it over and over again. Practice to recite it.. slowly but surely you can learn by that way.

Sometimes if you purchase the books they come in with translation. Its ok, to learn from the translation. Among anything else, its the NIAT that is more important. Meaning it comes from your HEART wanting to learn this from the beginning.

Another note, maybe you can approach your partner's mum or sister to assist you. Meaning you learn, you read to them, & see what they say about your recitation.

Learning Islam is for life.. its not at only that moment. So take one thing at one time.. step by step okies.. If you need further assistance, pls dont be shy to ask around... Insha Allah we are here to help you and others..

Salam,
Riza
 
Hi Muntou! Oh i haven gone for my Evaluation. But i have converted liao. Have completed my Marriage course after my conversion too. haha...I did it at the Wisma Indah at Kembangan there. Were you there?? My marriage course was ard March time one. Which is u? haha..

Dun worry, all u have to do is to recite it to yourself (with reference) daily, till u remember it. Shouldn't be a prob, u can do it!

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Hi Riza, thanks for the links...very useful. yupz will try to take a step at a time
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Huichin, yup i did mine there too. I was sitting on the left side of the rm (facing the white board) on the last session and u were on the right side. Hahaha...such a coincidence to be able to see you there
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. I wasn't sure if itz jus someone with the same name. Me and my htb are the only couple who did not collect the cert on the same day. We were missing for 2 wks so went for the makeup classes tis mth b4 getting the cert.
 
hi hi,

i m new here. i m getting married in jan 08 to a muslim. been attending classes at darul arqam. now planning for the wedding, trying to strike a balance between chinese & muslim customs & traiditons. headache!
 
Hi ho Janet, ahh....yes, a wedding celebration of 2 cultures can be a headache. Got to please both sets of families. But try to see the positive. Most here are married/marrying non-Malays so just holler if you need help.
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thanks idyll.. we are planning to hold the dinner at grand copthorne waterfront but before that we should be doing the nikah at a mosque..

u r a muslim? or ur hubby is a muslim?
 
Janet, we're both muslims. Just that he is of Bangladeshi descent who have all spent most of his life in UK and Australia. So a bit of a mix of cultures that we needed to incorporate into our wedding last year.

Your wedding already sounds interesting. Not many muslims in Singapore these days want their marriage to be solemnised in a mosque.
 
helo janet. welcome. its not neccesary to nikah in a mosque but its better, i had mine in a small tiny mosque in melbourne with my friends/family, its deliriously fun! my husband converted 3 days before we got married!
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good luck on your preparations!

like marnie says, just yell if you need any help!how u doin marnie?.... havent heard from you for awhile!:P
 
Hey EJ! Things have been crazy for me in the work front. Home is slowly coming together - still so many boxes to sift through. I don't understand how any 1 man can have 40 boxes accumulated and shipped from London to Melbourne then to Sydney and then now here!
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Plus, I've been busy planning our travel itinerary for fall so that takes a bit of my time.

How's your wedding prep coming along for the wedding here?
 
Hi Janet : welcome welcome .. I'm also marrying a Muslim man. Did my courses @Darul arqam already & just finished my solat tutorial 1
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How's everyone here? Guess everyone been busy? How's d prep so far ...?

I've confirmed my bridal studio, and now in d midst of confirming florist to do up decor
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So Excited!! Things are coming along quite well so far (except for d BIG fact that Venue can't be confirmed yet ha ha ha). Invitation card also more or less almost confirmed :D
Arrgghh !! I can't wait till d day!! Of course by d time I'd probably freaked out ha ha ha (mayb can't fit into my gown cos can't get slimmer!!)
 
alamak, talking about invites..i have nt done mine too! heheh wll, december is a long way to go anyways! i should panic only by october right?

My wedding gown is already sewn.its good.i tried on it and chris saw me, well, we are not so pedantic about it. he was like ..yeah..nice.... DUH!so much for a compliment! hehehe
 
EJ : my wedding also in jan & feb, I know it's very early bout invitation hehehe, but I'm ordering it in Indo ... so communication is more difficult. I better confirm it earlier (if can la).

Did you design your own gown?

I know Sometimes guys can say things that are very ... 'bikin orang kesal' a.k.a make us goes !@#$%^. When i go try out gowns, I also got comments like .. "Hmmm.. ok onli", "iieee... aneh .." (plus the twisted eyebrows look) and ask me to try out many other gowns ... (as if it's very easy to jump in those big big gowns)
 
which bridal studio did u ladies choose? i am trying to find one that has both traditional (malay + chinese) and modern gowns. so far, we have been to fatimah moshin. was thinking of tailor making a dress. any suggestions?
 
yeah.. i was thinking of doing my cards in indo since all my indo frens here said to do so, coz one of them going back soon and can bring it home for me... i dunnolah.....what if it all goes wrong.. u never know....

heheh .. yeah i wanted a fusion of songket and westernlah... so i designed myself. its ivory with songket, chiffone and shandong silk.... i loike! i tailor made mine at tanjong katong- $250 only.

My malay baju is traditional malaccan and i got it from suecreaxions http://www.suecreaxion.com.
make up x2 and one pair baju cost me $350... am not so fuss! Because i already have my dream gown, am not so fuss except for deco and food.
www.weddingsutera.com or try khajwedding.multiply.com they are very good.

marnie can tell u where to go to..yeah marnie... stop packing will ya...before you go nutz! heheheh just kidding!
 
janet : i've signed up with D'sire for my bridal n photography. No malay costume with this one.
I'm planning to MTM a kebaya on my visit to jkt this coming june. Even ready made ones are also very nice and quite cheap!!

EJ : indo invitation card has lots of variety ... I've seen it in herworld bride (indonesia edition), all very nice ... I'm also going to buy my wedding favours in jakarta also hahaha (me also cheapo)

marnie : whr r u travelling to?
 
Ipz........aaaaaaaaaaaaahhh i want the wedding favors... aiyoh...i know iknow!!! so jealous! hehhehehe if i have time i will go shop with u in jakarta....hey can give me some ideas for the invites from indo..any websites?

actually i was trying to tell marnie to stoop unpacking... not packing.
 
ej : my sis gimme this website www.weddingku.com before. You can take a look at the types of invitation cards they can do hehhehe.. For me, my sis' close friend in Surabaya is doin my invitation card (hopefully can get more discount ha ha ha).

Wedding favours can find at ITC Mangga dua, I was plannign to buy this small jewelery box only cost like $1 each (haven't bargain) there's a heart shape or square shape adorned with fake pearls n diamantes (doesnt' look cheapo at all!), my cousin who's getting married 2 weeks before me bought d same one!! So I'm looking for other option now
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ej : oh ya, maybe you can find some ideas about decors as well.. although i find indo wedding decors are very WOW!! (sometime over d top, esp. the traditional adat wedding decor) If you've never seen indo weddings before, you'll be surprised hehehe
 
Hey ladies!!

Been so long since I dropped by here. So many new names that I thought I was at the wrong webpage. Hehe.... Hope everyone is doing fine and dandy. Any chance of having another meet up?

Marnie....planning to travel again? Me so envious! Meraj has 40 boxes of stuff!! Thats a lot for a guy! Good luck sorting everything out. ;)
 
hi ladies, anyone used jb bridal shops before? was thinking of tailormaking bajus & take a bridal package. what do u think?
 
Hello again Raf, how are you? Haven't seen you for a while - what have you been up to?

Things have been hectic on my end. Terribly busy with work and still with the flat - moving and unpacking still even though we've moved in for about 6 months now!
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Janet, I send my baju to JB if I am not too lazy cos' it's definitely worth it. Workmanship plus the favourable exchange rate.

If you are okay with commuting etc and if with that commuting and exchange rate, the bridal package is still less than the ones available in Singapore, then I think it's worth it.

Ipz, we're going to Paris and then off to London to spend a few days there with hubs' family.

EJ, too late! I've already gone bonkers.
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Hubs called the storage people so we may send a few boxes off to the storage cos' they just can't fill up any cupboards/storage space in our home.
 
hi hi, was at pelangi for a bridal show yesterday. in the end, we only talked to one BS coz there was an information overload. and HTB dun understand the sales person who spoke in Chinese. hehe... anyway, although we felt that the package was a good buy (RM3188), we didnt sign up coz we just wana source around somemore. but the sales person highlighted that time is running out coz it will take about 4-5 months from choosing gowns, taking photos to getting the album ready. we cannot do much during Hari Raya month too... stress seh...

Idyll - any good baju tailor shops to recommend?
 
Hi Joan,

Nice to see another chinese convert. When will u be converting? I am planning to do so in Sept.

Tried to add u but I cant. U can add me janetlky
 
Ipz, Can, if you don't mind being "shipped" together with the rest of our luggage. There's a private joke that we're all herded with the goats and camels somewhere anyway since we're going economy...
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Hi Joan, welcome welcome.
 
HI Janet,

Thanks, had added u.. hope to see u online someday.
I completed my solah tutorial last week and planning to convert soon as my wedding is on end dec 2007. We have to go for evaluation first before converting?

marnie - Thanks alot
 


Hi Joan,

Actually you can convert before you take ur evaluation. But they will not issue u the certificate til they see dat you have "passed" ur evaluation. I am going to call darul arqam to check on the procedures.

So have you started preparing for ur wedding? If so, can share with me coz we have not done anything yet! And frens around us are more "kan jiong" than us.
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