Too much to handle or am I just too selfish

newproject

Active Member
So the best way is not to get marry?
No ger in the right mind will marry a guy if her name is not on the flat. I ever thought of getting a flat since i am single.. But the question is would i add her name when i found a partner since i paying everything haha
Ger will said they contribute to the household or they dun feel secure with a guy if they are not part of the roof. And no gers will get marry if there is a prenuptial agreement too.. gers are not stupid .. So what can you propose? lol
.

Prenup not legal in.sg
 


meiji5

Member
So the best way is not to get marry?
No ger in the right mind will marry a guy if her name is not on the flat. I ever thought of getting a flat since i am single.. But the question is would i add her name when i found a partner since i paying everything haha
Ger will said they contribute to the household or they dun feel secure with a guy if they are not part of the roof. And no gers will get marry if there is a prenuptial agreement too.. gers are not stupid .. So what can you propose? lol
.

Find a girl that doesn't mind not having her name in the flat. Cos downright you did buy it with your own money. I know easier said than done la. Unless you say that eventually you want her to contribute to the mortgage then have to include her name bah.
 

Tarryn

New Member
So the best way is not to get marry?
No ger in the right mind will marry a guy if her name is not on the flat. I ever thought of getting a flat since i am single.. But the question is would i add her name when i found a partner since i paying everything haha
Ger will said they contribute to the household or they dun feel secure with a guy if they are not part of the roof. And no gers will get marry if there is a prenuptial agreement too.. gers are not stupid .. So what can you propose? lol
.
Actually one of my friend (guy) is waiting for his 35th birthday which is soon , so that he can buy a flat on his own. He's dating someone, but he just want to own his place alone.
Not sure about HDB, but for pte condos or apts, once you bought it, you cant just "add" another name that easily. It'll be consider a 'sale' & you need to pay stamp duty all over again.
 

life_is

Active Member
So the best way is not to get marry?
No ger in the right mind will marry a guy if her name is not on the flat. I ever thought of getting a flat since i am single.. But the question is would i add her name when i found a partner since i paying everything haha
Ger will said they contribute to the household or they dun feel secure with a guy if they are not part of the roof. And no gers will get marry if there is a prenuptial agreement too.. gers are not stupid .. So what can you propose? lol
.

I teach you in private. Going to be super gender bias so women can't game the system.
 

life_is

Active Member
Find a girl that doesn't mind not having her name in the flat. Cos downright you did buy it with your own money. I know easier said than done la. Unless you say that eventually you want her to contribute to the mortgage then have to include her name bah.

Doesn't work. Consult a lawyer and find out what is counted and not counted in divorce. Just don't get married here. Until the women come out to condemn the ones who spoil market, no man is safe.
 

Eva Lim

New Member
I'm new here

Honestly, I scrolled through a lot of page 2 & 3 because they were just loooong arguments between 2 persons....

The real question is, TS, so any updates? did she really agree to it in the end?
 

Joes

Member
First of all, your wife is a selfish bitch based on your words. I must emphasize that 'bitch' word to make the overall summary of her as a person.

Secondly, a selfish bitch will never give in to any request/demands/settlement that does not benefit them. So this means you are going to expect this package coming your way if you want to settle it 'fairly' even.

Lastly, acknowledging the fact of who she is will help you better. You can't go on a war without a plan right? Knowing your enemy is already winning half the battle.

So my advise - plan against what you will imagine that she will do to have things in your way.

Hello all,

Stumble across this forum when I was looking for on how to proceed with annulment. Allow me to share what happened and do pardon me for this lengthy post.

I am married to my wife for coming 7 months. But this marriage was not build based on love but on forceful and pressure. Why? About 1.5 year ago, when we were still dating, she start to pop the question that when are we getting married, have a family of our own and our own house, which I told her that I am not ready but I am willing to settle down when I'm 26-27 y/o. She got all angry and pissed at me by saying that what's the difference of settling down early or later? In which I finally relented on on 26 y/o as the minimum age. But she kept pushing her luck and eventually I gave it in last year when I was 24.

I gave it partly because I love her and partly due to her keep pressuring, as she will ask once every two months or so. If I reject the idea, she will be mad and pissed with me which ended up me being on a roller coaster ride.

I didn't propose in this marriage, neither did I plan in the ROM.

I know by now, some of you guys would say, I have every rights to say no, but I just don't wanna go through any argument with her because I love her, and I thought by getting married things might be different, but no.

During the first month as husband and wife, she threaten divorce because she cannot get along with my mother just because she cannot sometime stand my mother, and despite me coax her and standing on her side against my own mother. Took me quite sometimes to diffuse her.

The second time was a month or two back, think we had an argument over something, she again brought up the idea of divorce, again, I have to coax her and make her thinking about divorce. But at this time it makes me think that this marriage to her is a joke. Happy happy, divorce, not happy also divorce.

So last month, we had an argument and I just snap. Because it was both parties at fault and she wants me to sugar coat her like how it is all along regardless whether I'm right or wrong, and I admit I don't wanna give in because I have already lost all the passion of sugar coating her, wanting her back. The feeling of everything including marriage just instantly died. To me in this relationship is about her and her way while she thinks otherwise. While during these few weeks of me not giving into her, she threaten me with suicide twice, once by running into a busy major road, attempt forcefully to make me agreeing on giving into her. While all I am asking was some time off from everything which she cannot abide to it. Hence it drove me to the decision of annulment/divorce and as of now typing this thread, I am still firm in my decision, as I can no longer love her the way I used to, and I know if we were to reconcile, I will go nuts soon and I don't wanna go through this kinda ordeal again.

Here's the deal, she's not gonna agree on annulment/divorce although our WhatsApp she did mention its okay, but the next moment, she took it back instantly. She prata her statement and promises faster than politician.

The only thing we have together is a car we bought together she paid about 85-90% of the downpayment while I carry on with the monthly installment and operation cost. My parents agreed to buy over the car from her based on the initial money she throw in.

Help please? And thanks for reading!
 

life_is

Active Member
First of all, your wife is a selfish bitch based on your words. I must emphasize that 'bitch' word to make the overall summary of her as a person.

Secondly, a selfish bitch will never give in to any request/demands/settlement that does not benefit them. So this means you are going to expect this package coming your way if you want to settle it 'fairly' even.

Lastly, acknowledging the fact of who she is will help you better. You can't go on a war without a plan right? Knowing your enemy is already winning half the battle.

So my advise - plan against what you will imagine that she will do to have things in your way.

Seen that type before. It's not pleasant and they will do anything to make life miserable for others. It's always their way or the highway. Sometimes it doesn't pay to play nice as they will step all over you while playing the victim card. Either way you suffer. Best is not to have these people in your life.
 

likethathow

New Member
I'm new here

Honestly, I scrolled through a lot of page 2 & 3 because they were just loooong arguments between 2 persons....

The real question is, TS, so any updates? did she really agree to it in the end?
Hello Eva,

She agreed to the annulment but at times she's still wanna work things out despite already seeing someone outside.

I honestly don't know who is she anymore.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
Hello Eva,

She agreed to the annulment but at times she's still wanna work things out despite already seeing someone outside.

I honestly don't know who is she anymore.

Sighz.. she aldy seeing someone else?? Means that right from the start she is aldy not committed. Even if you are the one started feeling suffocated, your wife shld be remorse and try to work it out. The fact she faced a problem and seeked outside attention aldy explain alot of her characters.
Well, in a good way at least you let her go..

What is wrong with people these days... Think guys are playing a better part nowadays.
 

newproject

Active Member
Sighz.. she aldy seeing someone else?? Means that right from the start she is aldy not committed. Even if you are the one started feeling suffocated, your wife shld be remorse and try to work it out. The fact she faced a problem and seeked outside attention aldy explain alot of her characters.
Well, in a good way at least you let her go..

What is wrong with people these days... Think guys are playing a better part nowadays.

I disagree that the guys are better. Is just the woman learn the bad habits of guys.

A decade or two ago it was mostly guys at fault.. Nowadays gals as likely to be them.
 

meiji5

Member
I disagree that the guys are better. Is just the woman learn the bad habits of guys.

A decade or two ago it was mostly guys at fault.. Nowadays gals as likely to be them.

Agreed with newproject, not all guys are better. i've come across so many guys who like to play around even if they are attached/married.
it's depends on ones own self-respect to not join them in such activities.

but yes, there are women who are also following in the traits of men because some have been hurt before and end up saying "why can't I do it if the guy can do it"?
 

SnowAngelx93

New Member
Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.we are all wired differently.there are bound to be obstacles and how you manage them.When she is feeling down,did you do your best to comfort her or just dismissed it as a silly women complain,which makes her feel hurt and disappointed causing her to do things to get your attention but which you dun like?give this relationship some thought pal.marriage is not a game.the important thing is not to look back and regret.for your marital woes,we as outsiders can only advise that much.its your marriage,only you know best.it is also advisable to seek help from a professional counsellor before you decide your drastic move.counselling would not stop you from what you intended to do,but would give you a clearer perspective so that you can make a more informed decision.
EDIT: When she is feeling down, did you do you best to comfort her selflessly or comfort her and ask her to pay you back what you have lost while attempting to comfort her? (Like get her food etc).
 

likethathow

New Member
Sighz.. she aldy seeing someone else?? Means that right from the start she is aldy not committed. Even if you are the one started feeling suffocated, your wife shld be remorse and try to work it out. The fact she faced a problem and seeked outside attention aldy explain alot of her characters.
Well, in a good way at least you let her go..

What is wrong with people these days... Think guys are playing a better part nowadays.

Just a quick update, I'm not sure if she's still with that dude. She message me the other day saying how much my feelings were her priority, missing me so much that it hurts. Saying that while I leave her hanging allowed new people to enter her life, but still prefer to choose that door leading to me but there was no door or window but just a wall. Saying that she's feeling lost and I am being happy and by myself (p.s. my dad recently admitted to hospital), does she even matter to me, how much she value me and lastly. Would I believe if she was willing to take me back without any apology.

I don't know if she's victimising herself, trying to say that I'm the cause and still at fault or I'm really at fault.
 

likethathow

New Member
And to fellow forummers who have been following this thread since March, just a quick update, again, that I am scheduled for hearing soon.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Just a quick update, I'm not sure if she's still with that dude. She message me the other day saying how much my feelings were her priority, missing me so much that it hurts. Saying that while I leave her hanging allowed new people to enter her life, but still prefer to choose that door leading to me but there was no door or window but just a wall. Saying that she's feeling lost and I am being happy and by myself (p.s. my dad recently admitted to hospital), does she even matter to me, how much she value me and lastly. Would I believe if she was willing to take me back without any apology.

I don't know if she's victimising herself, trying to say that I'm the cause and still at fault or I'm really at fault.


Perhaps she really does love u.just that she took u for granted when things are gd.anyway it's all in the past.what will be will be.
 

newproject

Active Member
Just a quick update, I'm not sure if she's still with that dude. She message me the other day saying how much my feelings were her priority, missing me so much that it hurts. Saying that while I leave her hanging allowed new people to enter her life, but still prefer to choose that door leading to me but there was no door or window but just a wall. Saying that she's feeling lost and I am being happy and by myself (p.s. my dad recently admitted to hospital), does she even matter to me, how much she value me and lastly. Would I believe if she was willing to take me back without any apology.

I don't know if she's victimising herself, trying to say that I'm the cause and still at fault or I'm really at fault.

Bro stay strong.

Look at the way she phrase it. She's with another guy but it's you who cause it? lol.

Would I believe if she was willing to take me back without any apology.

wow so generous she willing to take you back without you apologising ha.

some poster actually thinks she really loves you ha.

no she doesn't. this girl is all about her only. If she does she won't write like that. if she really love you she will admit her faults, beg you back , promise things etc.

Even then I won't recommend it. This girl is clearly mentally ill with big character flaws.

I read earlier you say she threaten commit suicide many times, threaten to embarrass you by posting online/writing to press etc. and from what you say it isn't an isolated incident.

This is a really really unstable woman and is a ticking time bomb.

Get your anullment, don't fall for her trap. let her be the other guys problem. I think such girls have little problems trapping silly guys so you don't need worry too much. well until her youth and looks fail.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
Bro stay strong.

Look at the way she phrase it. She's with another guy but it's you who cause it? lol.



wow so generous she willing to take you back without you apologising ha.

some poster actually thinks she really loves you ha.

no she doesn't. this girl is all about her only. If she does she won't write like that. if she really love you she will admit her faults, beg you back , promise things etc.

Even then I won't recommend it. This girl is clearly mentally ill with big character flaws.

I read earlier you say she threaten commit suicide many times, threaten to embarrass you by posting online/writing to press etc. and from what you say it isn't an isolated incident.

This is a really really unstable woman and is a ticking time bomb.

Get your anullment, don't fall for her trap. let her be the other guys problem. I think such girls have little problems trapping silly guys so you don't need worry too much. well until her youth and looks fail.


Well,the guy is already getting an annulment.no need to bash the girl in such a manner.
 

newproject

Active Member
Well,the guy is already getting an annulment.no need to bash the girl in such a manner.

and the white knight comes in again. hello she don't need you defend her lah.

I just worried the guy waiver (can see in his reply) , so remind him of the type of girl she is.

you worried about the girl go find her comfort her lah.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
and the white knight comes in again. hello she don't need you defend her lah.

I just worried the guy waiver (can see in his reply) , so remind him of the type of girl she is.

you worried about the girl go find her comfort her lah.

What a thing to say.im just speaking on fair grounds.not siding anyone.u dun have to be so mean.
 

newproject

Active Member
What a thing to say.im just speaking on fair grounds.not siding anyone.u dun have to be so mean.

yeah right . you are a well known white knight. even if the girl cheat(many cases here) you still say crap like it takes two hands to clap etc etc.

but if a female posts that her husband cheats.. you will totally on her side. you will even find excuses for her say he abusive etc.

bloody sexist.

me? if you cheat it's your fault male or female.

if you unstable then I was say. male or female.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
yeah right . you are a well known white knight. even if the girl cheat(many cases here) you still say crap like it takes two hands to clap etc etc.

but if a female posts that her husband cheats.. you will totally on her side. you will even find excuses for her say he abusive etc.

bloody sexist.

me? if you cheat it's your fault male or female.

if you unstable then I was say. male or female.
Lol.i think if you are fixed on one view.its hard to change ur opinion.btw,haven't u heard of u reap what u sowed?cant always be one sided all the time.must learn to be flexible.
 

likethathow

New Member
Guys, stop arguing, bashing or attacking or flaming each other lah.

Everyone got their individual perspective and its subjective. There's nothing wrong with sharing opinion. Just agree to disagree shall we. Hahahaa
 

likethathow

New Member
Anyway, as per last replied I made in August.

I have attended my court hearing. She was there... Awkwardly... But nonetheless, IJ granted. There's not much ancillary matters, other than handover her share of the car she throw in initially and miscellaneous stuffs. Now wait for three months for Final Judgement.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
I teach you in private. Going to be super gender bias so women can't game the system.
haha bro.. you haven teach me how to "buy a flat and not letting the ger have a share of it for nothing" lol
My frn taught me this, just tell the ger u include her in your will. It is the same just that she only received the flat when u pass away??
But i recalled, woman charted, a woman gain access to the other half assets once married regardless she is on your flat or not.
 

likethathow

New Member
haha bro.. you haven teach me how to "buy a flat and not letting the ger have a share of it for nothing" lol
My frn taught me this, just tell the ger u include her in your will. It is the same just that she only received the flat when u pass away??
But i recalled, woman charted, a woman gain access to the other half assets once married regardless she is on your flat or not.
Correct, when you pass on, all your asset belongs to her, including your CPF. Unless your will state otherwise.
 

meiji5

Member
Anyway, as per last replied I made in August.

I have attended my court hearing. She was there... Awkwardly... But nonetheless, IJ granted. There's not much ancillary matters, other than handover her share of the car she throw in initially and miscellaneous stuffs. Now wait for three months for Final Judgement.

My papers were signed last week but his lawyer go on 3 weeks leave, so now the paperwork is delayed. You chose to attend the court hearing? My lawyer said I don't need to be present unless I want to.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
haha bro.. you haven teach me how to "buy a flat and not letting the ger have a share of it for nothing" lol
My frn taught me this, just tell the ger u include her in your will. It is the same just that she only received the flat when u pass away??
But i recalled, woman charted, a woman gain access to the other half assets once married regardless she is on your flat or not.

If you are afraid of girl cheating u,open ur eyes "big" and look clearly before marrying.use ur head to think,not ur brotherhood.like that guarantee you wun make wrong decision.no point trying to impose all sorts of measures.prevention is better than cure.
 

likethathow

New Member
My papers were signed last week but his lawyer go on 3 weeks leave, so now the paperwork is delayed. You chose to attend the court hearing? My lawyer said I don't need to be present unless I want to.
Hello meiji5,

Plaintiff have to attend court hearing while defendant may not need to be present.
 

wluyan

Member
I guess bro, you had made up your mind about leaving the marriage. When one truly love someone, they found only 1 reason to hold on, that is love. When one choose to leave, one will find plently of excuses to go.

I always wonder how men and women in the past could get married and stayed married for life only seeing each other for the first time on the day they got married.

are men and women really equal in this society , the answer is no, not really. and yes as much as men would like to challenge this:
how many old women are able to remarry and how many old men are able to remarry? throw some money, and you will see hords of young pretty ladies running after an old man will old women get young men running after us? go figure! say again the society is equal.
how many women would marry a man with kids of previous marriage, and how many men would marry a women with kids?
when guys cheat, society said its normal, and when women cheat, we are b1tch?

if man and woman are equal, why should woman be the only gender to be able to give birth? and no, women are not borne to be mothers. we go through alot mental and physical changes. its a responsibily for life and its a cycle we are unable to reverse. we suffer the consequences.
and yes, the woman charter is awesome, though could be unfair , but 'women with kids' no matter how strong we are, needs a minimal of protection from irresponsible ex.

dear sir, please take some minimal responsibility in your life. no one signed the marriage certificate for you, YOU DID. and that 'immature loony' is your wife and the one you CHOSE to marry. if you truly cherish the marriage,go to a councellor.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I guess bro, you had made up your mind about leaving the marriage. When one truly love someone, they found only 1 reason to hold on, that is love. When one choose to leave, one will find plently of excuses to go.

I always wonder how men and women in the past could get married and stayed married for life only seeing each other for the first time on the day they got married.

are men and women really equal in this society , the answer is no, not really. and yes as much as men would like to challenge this:
how many old women are able to remarry and how many old men are able to remarry? throw some money, and you will see hords of young pretty ladies running after an old man will old women get young men running after us? go figure! say again the society is equal.
how many women would marry a man with kids of previous marriage, and how many men would marry a women with kids?
when guys cheat, society said its normal, and when women cheat, we are b1tch?

if man and woman are equal, why should woman be the only gender to be able to give birth? and no, women are not borne to be mothers. we go through alot mental and physical changes. its a responsibily for life and its a cycle we are unable to reverse. we suffer the consequences.
and yes, the woman charter is awesome, though could be unfair , but 'women with kids' no matter how strong we are, needs a minimal of protection from irresponsible ex.

dear sir, please take some minimal responsibility in your life. no one signed the marriage certificate for you, YOU DID. and that 'immature loony' is your wife and the one you CHOSE to marry. if you truly cherish the marriage,go to a councellor.

Most of the men here love to blame women ,not reflecting that they have a part to play in the relationship.its always "their fault not mine".they dun realise that they are just as selfish if not even more,than their partners.
 

life_is

Active Member
I guess bro, you had made up your mind about leaving the marriage. When one truly love someone, they found only 1 reason to hold on, that is love. When one choose to leave, one will find plently of excuses to go.

I always wonder how men and women in the past could get married and stayed married for life only seeing each other for the first time on the day they got married.

are men and women really equal in this society , the answer is no, not really. and yes as much as men would like to challenge this:
how many old women are able to remarry and how many old men are able to remarry? throw some money, and you will see hords of young pretty ladies running after an old man will old women get young men running after us? go figure! say again the society is equal.
how many women would marry a man with kids of previous marriage, and how many men would marry a women with kids?
when guys cheat, society said its normal, and when women cheat, we are b1tch?

if man and woman are equal, why should woman be the only gender to be able to give birth? and no, women are not borne to be mothers. we go through alot mental and physical changes. its a responsibily for life and its a cycle we are unable to reverse. we suffer the consequences.
and yes, the woman charter is awesome, though could be unfair , but 'women with kids' no matter how strong we are, needs a minimal of protection from irresponsible ex.

dear sir, please take some minimal responsibility in your life. no one signed the marriage certificate for you, YOU DID. and that 'immature loony' is your wife and the one you CHOSE to marry. if you truly cherish the marriage,go to a councellor.

This generation is different. Met enough people telling me the women here have a reputation for causing divorce for the money they can reap. It is a free meal ticket. Even foreigners get conned here. Until the law starts to ensure no one benefits from divorce, such behaviour will continue to exist. More often than not, women gain significantly from divorce unless they chose to be cheated.

There are ways to minimise damage to men in divorce but such tactics are difficult to implement. Once a marriage cert is obtained, women get a free meal ticket for life. It's called a 1 dollar maintenance. Anything happens to her, the ex husband will be the insurance payout.
 

wluyan

Member
perhaps I dun belong to the group of women u mentioned and its hard to comprehend. or perhaps some of you guys had met the wrong ladies of your life. however, it doesnt represent the entire female population here
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
perhaps I dun belong to the group of women u mentioned and its hard to comprehend. or perhaps some of you guys had met the wrong ladies of your life. however, it doesnt represent the entire female population here
Of cos it doesn't. One can do all kinds of things to protect themselves, i don't see how it will be taken positively, this is why the guys are challenging that laws have to be changed with times. When we love and marry, we don't go in half heartedly, sleeping with a partner we need to protect against. However, when we go in fully, we are completely exposed when the laws are one sided. That is basically the discussion, it is not to bash all women at all. One can understand those facing a total bitch in an ugly divorce are screaming literally. Just as many other threads of women needing to hug and bash men to feel good.
 

wluyan

Member
i can totally understand that.
i hope some day, you guys will meet some decent ladies around.
just the same, for some of us, though feeling hopeless after a tough rollercoaster ride.
 

life_is

Active Member
i can totally understand that.
i hope some day, you guys will meet some decent ladies around.
just the same, for some of us, though feeling hopeless after a tough rollercoaster ride.

The law won't help much if nothing is changed. It is ridiculous to have the law help women who abuse their child to prevent men from protecting the child from abuse. It is also crazy to allow such people to gain financially and then treat the child like a meal ticket, only focusing on child maintenance and doing nothing to develop the child. A clear example is to sign up the child for expensive courses ro demand more child maintenance and then refusing to help the child with these courses once the financial aims are achieved, in hope of cutting costs after causing the child to fail such courses. There is no hope for a system that supports such irresponsible parents.
 

wluyan

Member
i know many wives/mothers who are not like that and also along the years of marriage when things start to break down, misunderstanding and misconception starts to arise, not because there is any fault with either party, but merely when u stop being on the same side as your partner, no matter whatever he/she does, its no longer seemed to be right or reasonable. and of cuz for the law, its merely a set of regulations. Being the persons who carry the foetus for 10months in the stomach, we are given certain privilege. After all, women are the ones who put their life at risk for every pregnancy. and seriously not all women walk out of the delivery room alive.
 

Infernolord

Active Member
i know many wives/mothers who are not like that and also along the years of marriage when things start to break down, misunderstanding and misconception starts to arise, not because there is any fault with either party, but merely when u stop being on the same side as your partner, no matter whatever he/she does, its no longer seemed to be right or reasonable. and of cuz for the law, its merely a set of regulations. Being the persons who carry the foetus for 10months in the stomach, we are given certain privilege. After all, women are the ones who put their life at risk for every pregnancy. and seriously not all women walk out of the delivery room alive.

I think the word is "commitments" unfortunately alot of young ppl start to lose that.

Too much of articles and TV shows teaching couple to move on quickly to find their loves one if things dun work the way they are...
"Desperate housefly" "50Shits of Grey" and blah blah I wonder why ppl like to watch all these and brainwashed.
We are Asian, we are not western. we are not open enough to accept alot of things. lol


If you are afraid of girl cheating u,open ur eyes "big" and look clearly before marrying.use ur head to think,not ur brotherhood.like that guarantee you wun make wrong decision.no point trying to impose all sorts of measures.prevention is better than cure.

Bro, all the best to you .. with all due respect, like what newproject said, you are very positive with no love life experiences.. I hope the world is painted as beautiful as you perceived.

Period.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I think the word is "commitments" unfortunately alot of young ppl start to lose that.

Too much of articles and TV shows teaching couple to move on quickly to find their loves one if things dun work the way they are...
"Desperate housefly" "50Shits of Grey" and blah blah I wonder why ppl like to watch all these and brainwashed.
We are Asian, we are not western. we are not open enough to accept alot of things. lol




Bro, all the best to you .. with all due respect, like what newproject said, you are very positive with no love life experiences.. I hope the world is painted as beautiful as you perceived.

Period.

The signs are there during courtship.dun let lust blind ur eyes.
 

Staypositive

Active Member
I think the word is "commitments" unfortunately alot of young ppl start to lose that.

Too much of articles and TV shows teaching couple to move on quickly to find their loves one if things dun work the way they are...
"Desperate housefly" "50Shits of Grey" and blah blah I wonder why ppl like to watch all these and brainwashed.
We are Asian, we are not western. we are not open enough to accept alot of things. lol




Bro, all the best to you .. with all due respect, like what newproject said, you are very positive with no love life experiences.. I hope the world is painted as beautiful as you perceived.

Period.[/QUOTE


The world is not as negative as u perceived.
 

wluyan

Member
i think there are many people who change without realisation as well after marriage, not necessary its lust during courtship
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Bro, all the best to you .. with all due respect, like what newproject said, you are very positive with no love life experiences.. I hope the world is painted as beautiful as you perceived.

Period.

Positivity is an attitude, it doesn't mean the situation around us is so wonderful and picture is so beautiful. It means that we can find positive despite difficult times. It is impt when situations when it gets so bad, that we don't get too sucked into depression. Else, we will never be able to find a way out.
 

meiji5

Member
I think what most people need to understand before getting into relationships is that it requires a lot of effort and work. Unfortunately, people fall in love and think they will be in love forever without having to do anything and that nothing will change. Love requires work, so does marriage. Things change, not because a person changes but because the relationship evolves. Thus, both partners need to change in tandem with the relationship. You will never stay in one place forever. Sometimes we tend to forget this and just think that the other person has changed. Just my 2 cents today.
 

likethathow

New Member
Whoa, I have never expect my post to escalate to such level of discussion.. Nonetheless, with regards to some of the posts here.
I guess bro, you had made up your mind about leaving the marriage. When one truly love someone, they found only 1 reason to hold on, that is love. When one choose to leave, one will find plently of excuses to go.

I always wonder how men and women in the past could get married and stayed married for life only seeing each other for the first time on the day they got married.

are men and women really equal in this society , the answer is no, not really. and yes as much as men would like to challenge this:
how many old women are able to remarry and how many old men are able to remarry? throw some money, and you will see hords of young pretty ladies running after an old man will old women get young men running after us? go figure! say again the society is equal.
how many women would marry a man with kids of previous marriage, and how many men would marry a women with kids?
when guys cheat, society said its normal, and when women cheat, we are b1tch?

if man and woman are equal, why should woman be the only gender to be able to give birth? and no, women are not borne to be mothers. we go through alot mental and physical changes. its a responsibily for life and its a cycle we are unable to reverse. we suffer the consequences.
and yes, the woman charter is awesome, though could be unfair , but 'women with kids' no matter how strong we are, needs a minimal of protection from irresponsible ex.

dear sir, please take some minimal responsibility in your life. no one signed the marriage certificate for you, YOU DID. and that 'immature loony' is your wife and the one you CHOSE to marry. if you truly cherish the marriage,go to a councellor.

Dear wluyan,
I totally understand where you are coming from and I am in no intention to disagree your take on this.

Agreed on that I sign the marriage certificate myself. Agreed that love may keep the marriage going. But in today situation, there are many factors that may not just tear relationship but also marriage apart.

If you ask me, do I hesitate in my decision, do I still love my ex-wife back then. Without hesitation, I will tell you yes. Then why I decided to carry on the decision of ending it, is simply, it have reach to the point of there's no longer trust coming from her, and the demand from my then in-laws. This reply will be lengthy, but allow me to walk you and everyone else here through.

As per mention earlier on, I wanted to settle down with her when I am 27-28y/o, because by then I believe I will be financially stable. But my ex-wife disagree and insist that earlier and later does not make any difference. She wants to settle down early. So the ideal age of us getting married becomes an auction ground. This carries on for at least half a year with tons of unhappiness and argument. With me finally agreeing on earliest 25y/o. But no, it doesn't stops there. Just last year (which we ROM), she tired her luck again, wanting to settle down because of SG50 and keep emphasising that now and later doesn't make any difference, but I keep telling her, we agreed on 25 y/o. Although she said she will understand and will be okay if we stick to original agreed year, she was unhappy and we have a heated argument (not surprising). Which me eventually agreeing that we ROM in four months time. Now, you can stay I can be firm on my ground and stick to original agreed year instead of pacifying and giving in to her. But why I do so because I love her. Thinking that, with me agreeing and supporting to her and giving what she always dream of, she will be supportive of what I do too.

But nooooooooooooo.... It wasn't that simple. nooooooooooooo

Now let me share with you about our family for the next part of the story to the best of my knowledge.
I am the only son and I come from sightly above family. My father had a golden hand shake about two years ago when he was 60 (force to retire actually due to parkinson) when he fell at work. Despite all the medication and physiotherapy my father parkinson is deteriorating faster than expected. My mother is a housewife since I was born. I was raise up in a pretty traditional family and was taught to earn for things I want myself. My parents save every dollar and cent to achieve what they have today. Take it as I am sharing too much details or bragging. I honestly don't care about what my parents gonna leave for me.

My ex-wife come from a single family. She's the middle child of three daughters, her father retired at a early age of 51 due to slight stroke. Father have no saving, occasionally gambles. Despite having slight stroke, and still have the ability to walk and carry, but he hardly attend speech and physiotherapy and deem that he's no longer fit for work.

Hence both our father sits at home.

Now, my ex-wife never like my mother but after we ROM, she moved in with us for awhile because she was seeking shelter at our place because her father kept asking her for money. So during the two weeks stay at my parents' place, she have a bit of argument with my mother. That is when the first time she raise up and said she wants to divorce. I at that point stand by my ex-wife and go against my parents which the quarrel lasted for more than a month (which I regretted exactly a year later, will go into that later). During that one month, I never go home and eat with my parents, I hardly see my parents and I occasionally stay at my ex-wife parents' place. Although my mom is not in any wrong, I go against my mother because I want to keep my wife and my marriage.

The second time we had an argument was some disagreement or miscommunication on both side, meaning both parties are at fault. And I don't like to pacify when I'm angry, or what some call me as the 'do tomorrow' guy. I would rather I cool down and apologise than me apologising when both parties are still mad at each other making the apology not sincere. But to her is unacceptable (although she hardly apologise even when she's at fault), she raise up the point of wanting divorce and saying that how many men are waiting for her if I don't do anything about it. So when I decided to pacify her, she decline. Is like, I don't do for you, you angry, I do for you, you refuse kinda situation.

So third time when we have a heated argument and try to pacify her and she refuse, when is just a simple miscommunication, that's when I snapped and said I wanted a divorce. What happened next please refer to the first page first post in summary.

Now in case you guys are wondering, why I regretted going against my parents and stand by my ex-wife a year later is because, parkinson got the best of my father. My father admitted to hospital two months ago due to lung failure. The cause? Parkinson. That night if my mother didn't went to check on my father, I would have lost a father. During my marriage with my ex-wife I now then realise that I have neglected my parents a lot. I hardly talk to them. My father parkinson have been accelerating so fast that just barely five years since he first show sign of parkinson, he is already at the final stage. Doctor speculated that he have another 6 to 18 months left. Whenever someone talks about how's my ex-wife towards my parents, I will be furiously mad. When my parents wanted to join us to see our wedding venue, my ex-wife will get me to talk my parents not to join us.
There's this one occasion that I wanted to have lunch with my parents together with my ex-wife but my ex-wife father wants to go out, and insist on going out together, I cancel my plans on my parents. I put her family ahead of mine so much that I forgotten that I myself have a parents too.

Even after IJ granted, my ex-wife contacted me and we had an argument on our parents. She claims that she put my family ahead of hers, and I told her to prove it. She can't.

I mean, there's a lot of things that have happened that eventually causes the marriage to break down. This example is one of them. I mean if you guys are really interested in knowing what happened, I really don't mind to meet whoever is interested out to talk and discuss about this.
 


wluyan

Member
Whoa, I have never expect my post to escalate to such level of discussion.. Nonetheless, with regards to some of the posts here.


Dear wluyan,
I totally understand where you are coming from and I am in no intention to disagree your take on this.

Agreed on that I sign the marriage certificate myself. Agreed that love may keep the marriage going. But in today situation, there are many factors that may not just tear relationship but also marriage apart.

If you ask me, do I hesitate in my decision, do I still love my ex-wife back then. Without hesitation, I will tell you yes. Then why I decided to carry on the decision of ending it, is simply, it have reach to the point of there's no longer trust coming from her, and the demand from my then in-laws. This reply will be lengthy, but allow me to walk you and everyone else here through.

As per mention earlier on, I wanted to settle down with her when I am 27-28y/o, because by then I believe I will be financially stable. But my ex-wife disagree and insist that earlier and later does not make any difference. She wants to settle down early. So the ideal age of us getting married becomes an auction ground. This carries on for at least half a year with tons of unhappiness and argument. With me finally agreeing on earliest 25y/o. But no, it doesn't stops there. Just last year (which we ROM), she tired her luck again, wanting to settle down because of SG50 and keep emphasising that now and later doesn't make any difference, but I keep telling her, we agreed on 25 y/o. Although she said she will understand and will be okay if we stick to original agreed year, she was unhappy and we have a heated argument (not surprising). Which me eventually agreeing that we ROM in four months time. Now, you can stay I can be firm on my ground and stick to original agreed year instead of pacifying and giving in to her. But why I do so because I love her. Thinking that, with me agreeing and supporting to her and giving what she always dream of, she will be supportive of what I do too.

But nooooooooooooo.... It wasn't that simple. nooooooooooooo

Now let me share with you about our family for the next part of the story to the best of my knowledge.
I am the only son and I come from sightly above family. My father had a golden hand shake about two years ago when he was 60 (force to retire actually due to parkinson) when he fell at work. Despite all the medication and physiotherapy my father parkinson is deteriorating faster than expected. My mother is a housewife since I was born. I was raise up in a pretty traditional family and was taught to earn for things I want myself. My parents save every dollar and cent to achieve what they have today. Take it as I am sharing too much details or bragging. I honestly don't care about what my parents gonna leave for me.

My ex-wife come from a single family. She's the middle child of three daughters, her father retired at a early age of 51 due to slight stroke. Father have no saving, occasionally gambles. Despite having slight stroke, and still have the ability to walk and carry, but he hardly attend speech and physiotherapy and deem that he's no longer fit for work.

Hence both our father sits at home.

Now, my ex-wife never like my mother but after we ROM, she moved in with us for awhile because she was seeking shelter at our place because her father kept asking her for money. So during the two weeks stay at my parents' place, she have a bit of argument with my mother. That is when the first time she raise up and said she wants to divorce. I at that point stand by my ex-wife and go against my parents which the quarrel lasted for more than a month (which I regretted exactly a year later, will go into that later). During that one month, I never go home and eat with my parents, I hardly see my parents and I occasionally stay at my ex-wife parents' place. Although my mom is not in any wrong, I go against my mother because I want to keep my wife and my marriage.

The second time we had an argument was some disagreement or miscommunication on both side, meaning both parties are at fault. And I don't like to pacify when I'm angry, or what some call me as the 'do tomorrow' guy. I would rather I cool down and apologise than me apologising when both parties are still mad at each other making the apology not sincere. But to her is unacceptable (although she hardly apologise even when she's at fault), she raise up the point of wanting divorce and saying that how many men are waiting for her if I don't do anything about it. So when I decided to pacify her, she decline. Is like, I don't do for you, you angry, I do for you, you refuse kinda situation.

So third time when we have a heated argument and try to pacify her and she refuse, when is just a simple miscommunication, that's when I snapped and said I wanted a divorce. What happened next please refer to the first page first post in summary.

Now in case you guys are wondering, why I regretted going against my parents and stand by my ex-wife a year later is because, parkinson got the best of my father. My father admitted to hospital two months ago due to lung failure. The cause? Parkinson. That night if my mother didn't went to check on my father, I would have lost a father. During my marriage with my ex-wife I now then realise that I have neglected my parents a lot. I hardly talk to them. My father parkinson have been accelerating so fast that just barely five years since he first show sign of parkinson, he is already at the final stage. Doctor speculated that he have another 6 to 18 months left. Whenever someone talks about how's my ex-wife towards my parents, I will be furiously mad. When my parents wanted to join us to see our wedding venue, my ex-wife will get me to talk my parents not to join us.
There's this one occasion that I wanted to have lunch with my parents together with my ex-wife but my ex-wife father wants to go out, and insist on going out together, I cancel my plans on my parents. I put her family ahead of mine so much that I forgotten that I myself have a parents too.

Even after IJ granted, my ex-wife contacted me and we had an argument on our parents. She claims that she put my family ahead of hers, and I told her to prove it. She can't.

I mean, there's a lot of things that have happened that eventually causes the marriage to break down. This example is one of them. I mean if you guys are really interested in knowing what happened, I really don't mind to meet whoever is interested out to talk and discuss about this.
gosh thats a long reply. im on the way to work. will read this later
 

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