Singaporebrides | Weddings 101

July 2021

6 Ways to Cope With Pre-Wedding Anxiety

By Audrie Soh

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Pre-wedding anxiety happens more often than you think it would. Here are some ways you can deal with it.

Wedding planning can get extremely stressful and that might make you a little more emotional, irritable and anxious than you usually are. From dealing with the pressure of planning the wedding of the year and worrying about whether your wedding day is going to be perfect, to arguing with your fiancé more often than usual, you start to feel anxious that the universe is trying to tell you something.

You star to wonder if you’ve said “I do” to the wrong man, or if your pre-wedding arguments with your fiancé are an indication of what married life will be like, or perhaps you’re not ready to commit yourself yet. But no matter the reason, you start to get cold feet, and doubts that you had never thought would enter your mind creep slowly into your subconscious and make you start to question everything.

The truth is, almost every couple goes through some form of pre-wedding anxiety at some point. They may not openly talk about it, but it is pretty common. From societal pressure to family drama, you’ll have to undergo plenty of emotional and highly stressful situations, which naturally will lead to more fighting between you and your fiancé as you both navigate your way through this highly stressful journey. Again, pre-wedding squabbles are common among couples who are planning their happily-ever-after, and does not mean that there is something fatally wrong with the relationship.

To help you deal with the pre-wedding anxiety that you may encounter, we’ve listed six ways you can cope with the pre-wedding jitters for the happily-ever-after of your dreams.

1. Try to stay as relaxed as possible

We know it’s hard to remain relaxed when wedding planning is naturally stressful, especially as your wedding day draws near. But getting stressed out or staying in that state for a prolonged period of time will only result in more fighting between you and your partner, and might bring out questions about your relationship that you never knew you had, causing you much anxiety.

To keep yourself relaxed and minimise tensed situations between you and your fiancé, try to make time for exercise every now and then. If running or fitness classes aren’t your cup of tea, consider joining a yoga class. Not only is yoga extremely helpful in clearing one’s mind and reducing stress, it is also an excellent low impact workout that helps to tone your body and relax your muscles.

If working out isn’t your idea of relaxing, then go ahead and book yourself a pampering session of spa, massage or mani-pedi to help your mind and body relax. At home, you can also destress with an indulgent self-care routine at night to help you unwind before you head to bed. We promise you’ll wake up to a happier and clearer frame of mind, and glowing, luminous skin!

2. Forget about having a perfect wedding

Every bride dreams of the perfect wedding, one that would leave everyone (at the wedding or otherwise) in awe even after the day is over. But, the truth is, the perfect wedding is somewhat of a myth. No matter how much you try to foolproof your wedding and make sure that the day is nothing short of perfect, mishaps are bound to happen to every couple.

While there is nothing wrong with wanting a perfect wedding and trying to achieve it, focussing too much on it will only add on to your wedding planning stress and frustration. You’ll end up trying to micro-manage every little detail of the wedding by yourself instead of delegating the work out to your bridal party, and this will result in you feeling unnecessarily stressed out. Fights may break out more easily between you and your fiancé when you’re in a stressed-out state, and the constantly fighting may make you feel anxious.

There are two things you should always keep in mind to keep anxiety at bay. First, you are marrying the love of your life, and nothing can be more perfect than that. Second, every couple goes through their own fair share of arguments during their wedding planning, and that does not mean that their relationship is doomed. Similarly, arguing more during the wedding planning stage does not mean that there is something wrong with your relationship; it is simply a by-product of all the wedding planning stress that you and your partner are under.

To save yourself from the attack of pre-wedding anxiety, you should acknowledge that as much as you can plan your wedding to be perfect, things may not go according to plan at the end of the day, and that is perfectly okay. You should also let go of the reins and let someone else take charge of the coordination and worrying on your big day, so you can fully enjoy being a bride.

3. Talk to someone you trust

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and anxious about the wedding and getting married, don’t keep it bottled up and let those emotions fester inside you. Confide in someone about how you’re feeling and seek their advice. It can be anyone you trust – your parents (they know best and always seem to know exactly what to say!), a family member or even a friend. If you can, speak to someone who is married and can relate to your feelings.

Opening up to someone close and whom you trust will help to comfort you, put things in perspective and allay your fears and anxieties, especially if they’ve gone through the same experience you are currently going through. Even if that person hasn’t been married and cannot fully relate or advise you on the matters that bother you, at least you got to vent your feelings instead of keeping them inside. When you’re able to get them off your chest, you’ll feel better and think clearer, and naturally, the anxiety that crept in earlier will slowly ebb away.

4. Talk to your partner

Better yet, if you can, talk to your partner about how you’re feeling when you are stressed out by the wedding planning and are having some doubts about your big day. There’s no one better to turn to for comfort and reassurance than the man you’re about to spend the rest of your life with. It’ll be a good time to clear up the air about any disagreements you have in the wedding planning, as well as talk about your expectations for each other after the wedding is over. It is also a good opportunity for both of you to reconnect amidst the busy wedding planning, and offer support to each other.

However, if you find yourself unable to open up about how you’re feeling or your partner isn’t interested or open to listening to you, then you might want to dig deeper within yourselves to find out if there is a bigger issue than just wedding planning problems or wedding nerves.

5. Stay organised

For some brides, their anxiety is a result of worrying that something will go wrong on the wedding day or if they’ve forgotten something for the wedding. Skip the anxiety by staying organised throughout your wedding planning and appoint someone from your bridal party to be in charge of making sure that your vendors turn up on time and your big day runs smoothly.

You should also be prepared for any wedding emergencies that might happen on the day itself, such as torn hems or blotched makeup, and bring along a wedding emergency kit containing a travel sewing kit, stain removers, a few makeup products for touch-ups, light snacks and other essentials that you may need in a pinch.

When planning your wedding day schedule, you should also consider factoring in some buffer time to cater for any delays between each segment of the day’s activities so you don’t end up rushing for time when you’re running late. Remember, it’s always better to have more time than to be short on time.

To ensure that your bridal party is aware of the day’s schedule and their responsibilities, gather everyone together to run through the wedding day schedule and what they are in charge of, so that you don’t have to worry about checking in with them on your big day.

6. Focus on the big picture – your marriage!

Your wedding will last a day, but your marriage will last a lifetime, so don’t focus too much on making your wedding perfect. Instead, spend more time working on making your marriage a success.

It is important not to neglect your partner and your relationship during your wedding planning journey. As you get lost in the hustle and bustle of wedding planning, it’s easy to lose connection and communication with your partner, and grow distant from one another while you are trying to plan a happily-ever-after. Eventually, that may lead to doubts of your compatibility and whether you made the right choice to tie the knot. Whenever you feel that way, remind yourself to focus on the big picture and invest more time in your relationship and marriage.

Set aside date nights where you spend time with each other without talking about the wedding so you can reconnect and focus on building your relationship. On days where you’re both busy running errands for the wedding, you can also wind down for the night together by watching a movie or simply telling each other how your day went.

By continuing to maintain your intimacy, interest and communication with your partner during the wedding planning process, you’ll naturally feel happier, more secured and reassured, leaving anxiety of any form no room to creep into your head or heart.

Feature Image from Cherie and Issac’s Sunkissed Shoot at Lower Peirce Reservoir and Sum Yi Tai by Andri Tei Photography

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