Singaporebrides | Relationships
7 Common Topics Every Newlywed Will Fight Over Within The First Year of Marriage
Do you find yourself bickering more with your spouse after getting married? Well, you’re not alone.
As you settle down into marital life after the high of your wedding fades away, you might find yourself arguing with the love of your life more than you thought you would, and wonder if there’s anything wrong with your relationship. Well, we’re here to reassure you that you’re not alone.
Many newlyweds will go through a lot more fighting with their spouses within the first six months to a year of their marriage than while they were dating or planning their wedding, and that is completely normal. Faced with new challenges and changes, newlyweds have to learn how to live with one another and adapt to living together, which may lead to stressful and frustrating situations that eventually result in arguments.
Believe it or not, it is a rite of passage that nearly every newlywed goes through, even the happiest ones. But while you’re not able to avoid them altogether, knowing what are some of the topics that may trigger a fight might help you mitigate (or if you’re lucky, avoid them altogether!) them. Here are 7 common topics newlyweds will fight over in their first year of marriage.
1. Household ChoresElaine Rui Min and Gabriel’s Industrial Pre-Wedding Shoot in Singapore by Multifolds Photography
You probably would never have thought that sharing household chores is key to maintaining a healthy and happy marriage. Now that you both have moved out of your parents’ houses and into one of your own, you have no one to rely on but yourselves to upkeep your home.
Between juggling a full-time job and the responsibility of keeping the house spick and span, some couples might find themselves having to pick up the slack of their spouse and take on the lion’s share of the work, which may lead to resentment and frustrated outbursts, resulting in an argument.
While fights about who does what household chores are extremely common among newlyweds within the first few months or first year of marriage, that’s not to say that you cannot minimise the occasions you argue over who turn it is to do which household chores, or avoid it completely. Have an open and calm discussion with your spouse on your expectation on the cleanliness of the home you share, and what chores you prefer to do, and which you’d rather not. Of course, you should also encourage your spouse to share what chores they’d rather do or not do, and come to compromise.
Volunteer to cook if he would rather not and ask him to help with the dishes after. Take on the responsibility of doing the laundry if he prefers cleaning the house over that. The key is to make sure that both you and your spouse are pulling your weight in maintaining your home, instead of relying on one person to do everything.
Once you’ve divided the roles evenly, both of you should uphold your ends of the bargain and complete the chores that you’ve volunteered for or been assigned. Every now and then, if you need some help completing your chores, you can reach out to your spouse, but don’t take their help for granted and slack off your chores.
2. Finances and Spending HabitsShu Ling and Chin Feng’s Casual Paparazzi Inspired Pre-Wedding Shoot in Bangkok by Sanit Nitigultanon
Another area where most couples, newlyweds or otherwise, fight over is money and spending habits. Now that you’re husband and wife, your spending habits or debts are no longer just yours alone. As a family unit, how you manage or spend your money will also affect your spouse.
In the past, you and your spouse probably did not give second thoughts to simple day-to-day expenditure such as buying groceries or household necessities, spending on food and leisure spending. But now that you own a home of your own, you have to start budgeting for these more carefully than before.
Another topic most newlyweds fight over is their spending habits. If you or your spouse’s spending habits are not aligned (i.e. you shop a lot more than he does, or vice versa), there is room for a fight to occur.
To prevent or minimise any fighting over money, have a candid discussion about your finances, how you intend to budget for your home and yourselves, and your spending habits. You can agree on an amount to set aside for groceries and how much you each should save for the future, and agree that you’re allowed to spend or save whatever’s remaining.
Even after establishing an agreement, you might fight over money from time to time, and that’s perfectly normal. When that happens, have another candid chat and discuss why you or your spouse is upset and find a resolution for your problem.
3. Lack of CommunicationA Wild and Free-Spirited Bohemian Styled Shoot in Bali by Wanderlust Dream
Whether you are fighting over money or who does the household chores, the fundamental problem lies with a lack of communication. During the early courtship days, couples tend to communicate more with each other as they get to know one another better, but as time goes by, they start assuming that their partners should know them by now since they’ve been together for some time.
Just because you’ve been together a long time with your partner or are married to them doesn’t mean you should stop communicating because they should ‘know’ you after all these years. As much as the both of you try to tune in to each other’s needs and emotions, you are ultimately not a mind reader. So, stop assuming that you know what the other partner needs, and start communicating with each other again, just like you did in the early days of your courtship.
Remember, communication is key to the success of any relationship, so talk to each other about what you want, need or are upset about.
4. Trying to Change Your PartnerAmelia and William’s Dreamy Destination Pre-Wedding Adventure in Indonesia by Fire, Wood & Earth
No one should ever start a relationship thinking that you can change something you didn’t like about your partner, much less go into a marriage with that thought. Chances are, the behaviour or habits that you didn’t like took years to form and it is unlikely that they will disappear immediately (or at all, even!) when you make your displeasure known.
Frustration will build up and tempers will flare when you try to force your partner to change their habits or behaviours, and fights will ensue. There is only one resolution to this problem (aside from not trying to change your partner after the wedding) – compromise.
Both you and your partner have to come to a compromise, whether it is you learning to let the differences go (as long as they do not harm anyone) and to accept and forgive his weakness or him making the effort to change what you don’t like about his habits or behaviour.
At the end of the day, difference is not always bad. If it doesn’t affect you or others negatively, then try to make peace with what you don’t like, instead of sparking a fight by trying to force a change.
5. Me timeJanice and Glenn’s Stunning Pre-Wedding Shoot in Cappadocia, Turkey by Kursat Acar and White Grandeur
Now that you’re married, everyone expects you to do everything together since, well, you both live together – even you. But that doesn’t need to be the case! Just because you’ve said “I do” doesn’t mean you have to be glued at the hips and give up on the things you enjoy doing as individuals.
We’re not saying that doing everything together is a bad thing. If you’re both happy to do things together all the time, then by all means do so. But if you are forcing yourself to and feeling unhappy or resentful for it, then it’s time to spend some time apart so that you can find yourself and recharge before the fighting starts.
Allocating some alone time for yourselves will do wonders for both your mental and emotional health, as well as your marriage. When you spend some time being you, you’ll feel recharged, assured and independent. Plus, it frees you from your marital obligation to do or like whatever your spouse likes or wants to do. At the end of the day, both of you will be more than happy to return home and be in each other’s company as you wind down for the day.
6. Sloppy HabitsElaine and Gabriel’s Gorgeous Pre-Wedding Adventure in Sumba by Darren and Jade Photography
A few months into moving into your new home, you and your spouse will start to unearth some undesirable living habits that you never knew of, since it is hard to hide these when you’re living together full time. When these habits bother one of you more than the other, you might find yourselves arguing, especially when the other party doesn’t see what a big deal it is.
Fights over not putting the dirty laundry in the laundry basket, not washing the dishes after finishing with them or not putting the toilet seat down after you’re done (guys, you know what we’re talking about) are common for most newlyweds who have just moved into their new home.
The solution? Talk to each other. Communicate with your spouse and tell him (nicely and calmly, of course) which of his living habits you hate and why, and ask if he would be willing to make a change. Make sure your reason for asking him to change the way he does certain things is a valid one and not a petty reason. Bear in mind that the aim behind the discussion is for both of you to convey your feelings to each other, hear each other, and work towards a solution together.
7. Meddling In-LawsTania and Ayron’s Dreamy Pre-Wedding Photoshoot in Picturesque Bali by Trevo Pictures
If you and your spouse have a thriving relationship with your respective in-laws, good for you! But if you don’t, don’t worry; you’re not the only one. Many newlyweds end up in a tricky relationship with their in-laws. Perhaps they were too intrusive, meddling or absent, and that affects you and your spouse’s relationship. The problem intensifies if you have to live with them after the wedding while waiting for your build-to-order home to be ready.
If you know you might have problems with your in-laws, both of you should have an honest chat with each other to voice your concerns, especially if you are going to live together with them. Share with each other about how both of you envision your married life should be and talk about the differences in your expectations and how the behaviours of your in-laws are interfering in your vision.
Feature Image from Amelia and William’s Dreamy Destination Pre-Wedding Adventure in Indonesia by Fire, Wood & Earth
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