I think $10k is ok ba.. when my sis got married, my Mum also took $10k from my BIL. but she subsequently gave them back some $$ for the renovation of their place...
Unreasonable Dowry
- Thread starter romed
- Start date
I think $10k is ok ba.. when my sis got married, my Mum also took $10k from my BIL. but she subsequently gave them back some $$ for the renovation of their place...
Cheerojess
Member
Can I check, the pin jing is given by your husband to be or your husband to be parents?
It's usually given by the groom ba...
For my case, I don't have to give all the misc. / traditional stuff (incl. pin jin, guo da li etc.)... but I have to give more tables to my WTB's family, and the bride gets to keep the red packets.
It really depends on families' traditions / cultures...
hope this helps!KristineWee
New Member
My parents just met my future in laws to discuss about Pin Jin of $3,888 and others 过大礼stuff. My HTB requested to be for a solid gold gifts from my parents which they did agree.
Everything turned out to be fine after the meet up.
Then towards evening, I received nasty messages from HTB and he even threaten that what my parents asked for is too much and sounds like they are selling me away.
Here are the details of what my parents asked for:
$3888 ( eventually return everything to him)
6 cans of pig trotter
6 oranges
四点金（which his parents were the one who initiated to give and they say is a must)
10 tables (fully paid by me and hongbao will be used to foot the bill for the banquet, it has been made known to my FIL)
Is my parent asking for too much??
Everything turned out to be fine after the meet up.
Then towards evening, I received nasty messages from HTB and he even threaten that what my parents asked for is too much and sounds like they are selling me away.
Here are the details of what my parents asked for:
$3888 ( eventually return everything to him)
6 cans of pig trotter
6 oranges
四点金（which his parents were the one who initiated to give and they say is a must)
10 tables (fully paid by me and hongbao will be used to foot the bill for the banquet, it has been made known to my FIL)
Is my parent asking for too much??
KristineWee
New Member
My parents just met my future in laws to discuss about Pin Jin of $3,888 and others 过大礼stuff. My HTB requested to be for a solid gold gifts from my parents which they did agree.
Everything turned out to be fine after the meet up.
Then towards evening, I received nasty messages from HTB and he even threaten that what my parents asked for is too much and sounds like they are selling me away.
Here are the details of what my parents asked for:
$3888 ( eventually return everything to him)
6 cans of pig trotter
6 oranges
四点金（which his parents were the one who initiated to give and they say is a must)
10 tables (fully paid by me and hongbao will be used to foot the bill for the banquet, it has been made known to my FIL)
Is my parent asking for too much??
Everything turned out to be fine after the meet up.
Then towards evening, I received nasty messages from HTB and he even threaten that what my parents asked for is too much and sounds like they are selling me away.
Here are the details of what my parents asked for:
$3888 ( eventually return everything to him)
6 cans of pig trotter
6 oranges
四点金（which his parents were the one who initiated to give and they say is a must)
10 tables (fully paid by me and hongbao will be used to foot the bill for the banquet, it has been made known to my FIL)
Is my parent asking for too much??
How much is per table for urs?
KristineWee
New Member
Estimated $1600 +++ per table and I'm paying 10 tables on my own.
Woa that's a lot.. I'm giving around 7 tables of $1500 each, and pin jin will be given my MIL, around $3000. And the rest will be standard items like Si Dian jin. Please do discuss with ur mum if she can ask for lesser bcos ultimately, we are the one paying for the banquet and it will be so heart pain!
KristineWee
New Member
I think I did not mention one point is, the guy side only need 6 tables n he is only paying for those tables, they want us to take the remaining, which are 10 tables. So we are actually helping them. They are not happy because they need to give those 四点金，6 oranges, cans of pig trotter and pin jin ( which my parents told them will return to them when 回礼）
Ic, then is ok what! I don't think ur parent are asking for too much.
KristineWee
New Member
Too be honest, I feel that none of it is over demand...
And also , we are only taking the oranges, cans of pig trotter and 四点金, which my future MIL say die die must give to me...
Then his Mother when around the Neighbourhood and say that my parents are selling their daughter for the stupid 过大礼, and my HTB say that all this will affect our marriage life and he is not happy over the OVER demand request from my parents side....
And also , we are only taking the oranges, cans of pig trotter and 四点金, which my future MIL say die die must give to me...
Then his Mother when around the Neighbourhood and say that my parents are selling their daughter for the stupid 过大礼, and my HTB say that all this will affect our marriage life and he is not happy over the OVER demand request from my parents side....
Doreentanlb
Member
To be honest, your parents really are not asking for too much. When I got married last September, my mom asked for 50 boxes of old school wedding cakes, 2 boxes of traditional cakes, 24 cans of pig trotters, 6 tables and Si Dian Jin. But she didn't ask for pin jin.
KristineWee
New Member
Well , for the Pinjin is just for show, ultimately they are taking it back on the same day...
Am stuck in this sensitive issue as well. Really dislike all these dowry and customary stuff in this time and age. In the end, we cannot please everyone and become overly-stressed by these details. Bottom line, marriage should be a happy event right? It should just be a simple affair as much as the couple is concerned.. Why must parents complicate matters?
KristineWee
New Member
I agree with this too. And now HTB ask me to apologise to my future in laws for being so 不懂事. Like seriously, they want my parents to go down and apologies too
For us, we tried to persuade both sides of parents to do away with these dowry. No one is selling their daughter or no one is buying a daughter. But obviously they don't agree. This is causing so much tension and stress for us because we are paying for everything on our own plus we have a super tight budget.
KristineWee
New Member
His parents are not going to give up, they want us to go to their house and apologies and now want us to foot the bill for their 6 tables!!! They are selling their Son?
dreams2015
New Member
How is the financial situation of your HTB's family? Putting that aside, i personally feel that your parents have been accommodating in their dowry request.
KristineWee
New Member
They are very well to do , meaning his dad is earning like 10K per month, his Mom is a house Wife, his siblings are doing well as well, either Dentist or lawyer. But all of them are every sensitive with money.
My parents and I only earned like $3k per person a month.
My parents and I only earned like $3k per person a month.
KristineWee
New Member
My HTB is a police
KristineWee
New Member
My HTB is a police
uglygirlgirl
Member
Maybe they misunderstood u? Did u try explaining to ur HTB that eventually ur parents are not getting anything as all the angbao n pin jin will be returned?
KristineWee
New Member
Yes, I did explain but they say the request for the items are too much. I even go thru the list with him but he still say that is the fault of my parents and me.
KristineWee
New Member
I think no need to further explain anymore, he ask to call off everything and the root cause is actually the gifts that they are not happy about.
chantilly88
New Member
He seems quite unreasonable. Since he wants to call off then call off ba. Lucky you see his true colors b4 it is too late
My htb, both my in laws and my own parents are super non- traditional.. It seems like I'm the only one who is trying to do it the traditional way.. Don't think my in-laws would wan to spend the effort to GDL also.. And my mum doesn't seems to have plans to ask for pinjin.. But from my personal views, I feel she should at least ask for something.. How should I nudge everyone to follow the traditions? would it be weird for me to ask for pinjin?
honeycrumbs
Member
Maybe ask your mom to ask for cakes and a ang bao as a token. Tell her that it's something simple just for the ceremony of guo da li.
Reira, is good that both families not that traditional. My mum didnt know how much to ask. So, I ask on her behalf $188. Just for show. But anyway, half of everything will be returned.
Kristine, i think the main thing is not other stuff, I think is the pin jin. Earning alot doesnt mean they are generous, usually opposite. Going over to apologise is overboard.
I always feel that it is awkward for parents to discuss pin jin. Is best for both of you to sort out with your parents and come to a common agreement. Maybe, suggest to forget this whole episode. You two deemed what is best.
Kristine, i think the main thing is not other stuff, I think is the pin jin. Earning alot doesnt mean they are generous, usually opposite. Going over to apologise is overboard.
I always feel that it is awkward for parents to discuss pin jin. Is best for both of you to sort out with your parents and come to a common agreement. Maybe, suggest to forget this whole episode. You two deemed what is best.
Joes
Member
In the beginning, I knew my mom would be expecting this so to make it simple - I removed the chinese customary to make it less complicated. Sometimes, you really need to understand how to tackle with your parents. I personally believe a marriage is the unity of two but when two families come together, it become complicated. Ultimately, it depend how yoy want your wedding to be.
octobride
Member
Great idea! Hubby's side ok with it?
We do the chinese customary is for them as a respect. But they just take advantage and make it look like selling off daughter!
Joes
Member
Groom's side was reluctant. But we just make it very clear that the most we would do is a simple wedding. Like I said, coz we know our parents so we use "ignoring" & "stubborness" to have it our way. I do love my parents and so is my fiancé. But we feel that there is no need to splurge on our wedding just to prove to others that we love them.
Hi all!
I have just written a blogpost to share with all BTBs on where to get discounted Martell for GDL!
http://storyofcjnsal.blogspot.sg/2016/01/where-to-get-discounted-hard-liquor-for.html?m=1
Hope this helps!
Discount is only for a limited duration
I have just written a blogpost to share with all BTBs on where to get discounted Martell for GDL!
http://storyofcjnsal.blogspot.sg/2016/01/where-to-get-discounted-hard-liquor-for.html?m=1
Hope this helps!
Discount is only for a limited duration
santajean
Member
Guess I am very lucky on this.
For my first marriage (currently is my second) 6 years ago, my father is the one who calls the shots for all, thou my ex-hub paid for everything.
He asked for:
10 tables out of the total of 35 tables (All money returned to us to cover our lost)
S$4888 (took only S$188, balance returned)
GDL items (Groom side) - standard and we took all
GDL items (Bride side) - he paid for all
Now, on my second marriage, I am the one paying for all (my own items).
He asked for:
3 tables out of the total of 18 tables
S$2999 (took S$188, balanced returned)
The rest, FH and I pay for it.
For my first marriage (currently is my second) 6 years ago, my father is the one who calls the shots for all, thou my ex-hub paid for everything.
He asked for:
10 tables out of the total of 35 tables (All money returned to us to cover our lost)
S$4888 (took only S$188, balance returned)
GDL items (Groom side) - standard and we took all
GDL items (Bride side) - he paid for all
Now, on my second marriage, I am the one paying for all (my own items).
He asked for:
3 tables out of the total of 18 tables
S$2999 (took S$188, balanced returned)
The rest, FH and I pay for it.