Unreasonable Dowry

romed

New Member
I am getting married. My mum requests for

(a)10 tables from our wedding banquet (our wedding dinner to be held in a grand hotel in Orchard Rd) (Fully Paid by my In Laws all 30 tables)

(b) As for the Dowry (Pin Jin) Initially she wanted $6000. However, on the day before my In Laws came, I managed to bring/ BARGAIN it down to dowry of $3888 provided I top up $1000 to her from my pocket. However, I still feel its alot she requested.

My In law have hinted to my husband that the dowry requested of $3888 is high. My hubby asked if I checked the market rate and asked how my mum derived to a figure of $3888. My mother in law told her son = (my hubby) the figure requested is alot but they will still give since my mum requested. My mother in law mentioned that it also depends how much my mum is returning.

I quarrelled with my mum over this as she refuses to decrease her demands as she said she has the right to request for any amount she wants.. But the hotel tables would be $900 x 10 tables = $9000 already. And she still want to get another $3888 - $888 = $3000 in total from the pin jin... Is it too much of her? I am very stress as I not sure if my in laws will think of her as a greedy women and this will also affect my relationship with my in laws

Do you think I need to top up another $1000 to her so that she will return $1888 (to in laws) and keep $2000 of the dowry?
That means in total my mum gets $4000. ($2000 from In Laws) ($2000 from ME)

Pls help.

I come from a complicated family background. I have a step father and my mum.
We have no money. Life pull through with a little monthly income ($1000) from my step father and me ($2000).
On the contrary, My Father In law is a retired professional. Mother In law is a housewife. Brother In law is a professional earning $8000 per month. Husband is an engineer.

That is why my mum feels its okie to take more since we are poor and they are more well to do.. But I think we should not act so greedy.
 


joteohl

New Member
dear milim
i kinda understand the dilemma...when is AD? can take some time to talk more wif her about the dowry...as in understand why she is asking for this amount. cos up to this point in heated argument, she might say things that sound unreasonable. however when if you can get to talk to her when she is not in her upset disposition, she may explain her rationale.

Also ask ur FH what he thinks about the whole matter. if he thinks your mom is not unreasonable, he may help u see ur mom like u had never done b4. my FH helps mediate between me and my mom. i have learnt to understand her. my mom is a step mom in the family and i am her only daughter. so she is super insecure.

but if ur FH thinks ur mom is unreasonable, ask him why and ask him to work wif u on how to negotiate. it is a team work. dun go thru this alone.

pardon if i am not making sense. but try to communicate. if AD not so soon, try not jus get things done at the expense of souring relationship.
 

asura

New Member
Hi,

I am in a similar spot as you, except for my case is my dad. My mum is not in Singaproe and would not be back for my wedding. My dad have never contributed anything to my growing up(dont stay with him).

And now, i am going to get married. He said i would not be cheap cos it was very expensive bringing me up (looks who is talking!)

Trying to think of how to tackle him. It is already expensive enough to get married and here are these parents who think that they deserves it all when they din do anything.. haiz..
 

highness

Active Member
hello gals.. cheer up, u r preparing to get married!
happy.gif


i had a similar situation..
think my mum will still ask for $3888.. haha.. but normal practice is return 40%-50% of the amt, think she'll keep $2000 and return the rest.
Mum knows that the whole wedding expenses come from our own pockets (*in-laws side is NOT goin to take out a single cent!). but, er, well.. my other cousins all married *glamorously*.. n my mum had heard too many glamour-married-off stories.. it's a matter of *face*..
she wanted to have 10 tables too (think this normal practice)BUT i managed to persuade her for not taking the tables.. keke.. O, of cos with help of those stories from aunties who their sons/daughters had married recently, and make big loss on banquet. in the end, they oso returned the ang pow money back to their children..
So.. my mum will practice that too!
however, i'm telling my FH, if we can afford, try to give more pin jin than she request as we r not giving her any tables, n she need to spend on my dowry too.. and of cos, it'll look nicer on my FH..
i've been quarrelling with mum regarding wedding stuffs too.. n i feel bad.. think we have different thinking.. she want the best for me while i find that certain things r unneccssary.. I want my wedding to be my way! BUT.. think gotta give way in some areas too.. anyway, this is once in a life time, i try to make it a happy preparation rather than everyone is not pleased..
happy.gif
 

not_so_easy

New Member
milim

Could it be that 3888 sounded more ji(2) li(4) to your mum, that is why she is asking for this amount?

Your IL is quite right about how much your mum will be returning from $3888, maybe you should just check with your mum on this first. If she is prepared to return $1888 then you need not topping up the amount to your IL. But if she is just returning $888, then her intention is to keep $2K, maybe you shall suggest that she request for $2888 and return $888 which is the same result for her and thus you need not fork out extras here, and both side may be glad about the arrangement.
 

not_so_easy

New Member
oops..sorry i mean to say that if she has intention keep $2000 from $3888 which she demanded, then you may advise her to reduce her request to $2888 and return $888 which she still keep $2K and by doing so shall please both mothers too.
 

mist

New Member
hi gal,

oh well, i think it's normal that parents feel that they need to get something in return when their daughters get married.

same for mine, my mum initially also ask for:
1. 10 tables
2. 40 boxes of cakes
3. pinjin (4 figure amt)
4. napkin ang pow
5. bangles from my in law

later dun know why she changes her mind and she took only 2 tables and 10 boxes of cakes. but for the pinjin, she specifies clearly it must be 4 figure and must start with 8 or 9. so it's quite clear to us that she wants at least $8000.

unfortunately we cannot do anything to bring down the amt. and it's really very heartache to bring down the amt, due to the quarrel etc. in the end we gave $8888 to my mum. i took $6000 from my own savings for this ang pow. My mum didn return a single cent to us, not even the ang pow received from the banquet. she only gave back 2 boxes of cakes. she also never give anything in return for my hubby. the tea set that we used for AD was also bought by my in-laws.

to conclude, i am very disappointed with my mum. whether your family is well to do anot, i dun think it is reasonable to make $$$ out of the daughter's wedding. unfortunately it is not easy to make them understand, a that's why i willingly took the $$ from my savings. It also prevented the in-laws from having bad impression of my mum. and lastly, i think if it comes from my pocket, it is my appreciation for her for taking care of me for so many years.
 

dottyback

New Member
hi milim

till i came into tis forum then i realised theres alot of mothers r there who tinks the same way as ur mum i.e. i spent lots bring u up n wad i'm asking 4 from ur wedding is juz a tip of an iceberg kinda thingy

hmm r u sure ur mum will return a part of the dowry? will she kip everything coz a mum of my fren kept all! she is rite in a way when she says she has got the rite 2 request wadever she wans since its 'traditionally' passed down tis way...try 2 tok 2 her again...n let her understand dat tis arrangement may reflect badly on u if she insists

luckily it seems ur mum in law seems 2 b more understanding even tho she made some hints n comments..mayb u oso wanna speak wif her..n tell her u r oso paisay n in a fix trying 2 solve tis problem so dat she's aware u r doing ur part

gd luck
 

sashay

New Member
hi ladies, i jus join this forum but in the Home & Deco section, happen to c the topic title n decided to come in n be a KPO hehehehe~

i was in ur situation 2 yrs ago. Our Wedding expenses (including the dowry n the xi bin) were paid by us. My in-laws din pay a single cent, worst thing is my MIL even want to keep the ang baos $$$ which my hubby's relative in Malaysia give to us!! On top of tt she has lotsa of nonsense ideas which she hear fm other aunties at her workplace...She even gave me a black face when we went to chose a bracelet for her to give to me during tea ceremony
angry.gif
, in the end we pay for it..... She bring me to a neighbourhood shop where they sell very "or-bit" design, i chose de best out of the lot n it cost slightly more then her budget of S$200...

My mum know that we are footing all de bills so she did not insist on the dowry amt, she jus say which ever amt we can come up with. We even conspire with my mum to take 80% of de dowry as we know tt watever amt my mum return, my MIL will pocket the $$$. Evil rite wahahaha~

Are 10 tables a norm practice? Coz my mum actually count the relatives n frens n request only 7 tables fm us.

Well, we made a lost in wedding banquet; not becoz of the lost fm the 7 tables but from frens... It was on a weekday, i guess some of our frens decided to "work OT" n not turn up (person n ang bao
kao_sleep.gif
) 2 couples actually gave a S$20 ang bao each!!!! They stingy or wat manz...

However we did have a good time, our guests were very impress with the food, very yummy n even till now some of them cannot forget the taste
biggrin.gif
Abit exaggerating rite but its true.

Bottomline is, we can't satisfy everyone not even ourselves (dream/perfect wedding only happen in... ya..dreams lor...) Give n take, grit ur teeth n get it done with. We are lucky tt we only have to deal with 1 set of parents n not both hehehe~
kao_smile.gif


PS :we got back the ang bao $$$ fm our Malaysia relatives, we told my MIL tt we made S$10K lost at the banquet n no $$$ to top up wahahahaha~
 

mayelene

New Member
my mum asked me whether the pin jin is coming out of our own pkts, if so, she will return us every cent. now that she knows it's my FH fam paying, she say she'll take $188, else they think we are fleecing them. she say FMIL told her they will give 2 ang pows, 1 which we need to return some to them, another we get to keep all, cos its for bringing me up....
 

forrestgump4

New Member
Hi all,

I din know for wedding, just the dowry can cost so much... What if my FILs they have no money one? Cos both of them retired, does that mean my HB will fork out using his money? If it's like that, think I better save up more money now in case anything, I can contribute to the dowry also.
 

sashay

New Member
Hi Mandy, tts usually de case if in-laws does not have any savings. Frankly speaking, i think in this century, seldom the family have $$$ to pay full or part of their children's wedding.

Start saving ger
happy.gif
OR opt for a economical wedding, all budget budget lor
happy.gif
 

yuki_ko

New Member
Hi Gals

I can empathise with yr situation... For mi, I already anticipated that this is most likely going to happen, so what I plan to do was not to get my father involve in any part of my wedding except for the necessary and I have also told him that I want everything simple... that means no GDL, no pin jin or anything... but like u gals, think my father will go around collecting ang bao from the relatives on the actual day... so still thinking of how to stop him from doing that too..

Luckily my in-laws are quite understanding... they wanted to contribute to the wedding but we know their financial situations and told them that it's not necessary lor...

As for my father, end of the day, I will give him $3,000 as his 'bringing me up' money... though he really didn't do much... I have to work since 12 yrs old to support myself also... and of course, if he starts collecting ang bao, there goes his $3,000 too...

One very bad suggestion is that... Dun give them the amount lor... on the actual day when all the relatives are there already, they cannot dun like you get married also, rite?

Hi Sashay

Eeerr... now u r scaring me... couple only give $20 for ang bao... and this is yr friend????
 

ublur

New Member
hi gals,
I am so glad tt my mum din request such stuff from my sis, hence most prob, i wun kana too...
My mum din request for any tables n ang bao to keep.. alll the ang bao collected will come back to me n my FH cos we are the ones paying for everything.. She wun get pin jin too.. mayb jus take $88 dollars can liao.. wwat si dian jin, we all can do away wif.. in fact, my parents are giving me ang bao for "jia zhuang" and i planning to use tt ang bao for my europe trip!!!

mist, wow, u fork out 6k out from own pocket? tt's quite a lot leh....
 

sashay

New Member
hi yuki, we were very surprise too!! Its my hubby's camp mate... the wedding banquet was in 2002, and we thot this will only happen 10yrs back... S$20 for a dinner in a 5star hotel???!!! Perhaps they have forgotten to put in x2 $50s??? Anyway tts de last time we saw them...
 

sashay

New Member
when we were preparing for our wedding in 2002, we thot most of the couples wanted a simple wedding n banquet. it seems to be de trend back then to NOT hold a wedding dinner, even some of the parents is ok with tt (my mum was one of them
happy.gif
). after reading stuffs here, I m surprise tt some parents still have the "old" thinking...
 

romed

New Member
Dear all,

Very thankful for all the replies. My AD is in June 05. Guo Da Li also in June 05. That would mean I will have about slightly less than 2 months to negotiate everything with my mum and get everything right.

10 tables & Pin Jin :$3888 - 888= $3000 really really okie?

Can someone just give me a clear direction what I should do... I am like hanging in mid air... Very stress.. hamburgered between IN Laws and My own Family (Parents)

I dont want to feel despised by my in laws thinking my family is a gold digger.
sad.gif
 

dottyback

New Member
hi milim

i tink no 1 here can gif u 'a clear direction' becoz ultimately u haf 2 tink 4 urself n do wad deems fit, no 1 will noe wads the exact situation but urself, perhaps u shld juz read thru wad the other ppl haf posted n modify their suggestions 2 u

seriously, now the damaged is kinda done..i mean ur in laws oreadi noe ur mum is asking a little 2 much n even if ur mum retracts abit..i doubt it will change ur in laws opinions abt ur mum so y not u juz play by the ear?

communication is an impt tool so use it..speak wif both ur in laws n ur own family n not 4getting ur husband...wadever it is..some 1 is bound 2 b unhappy coz of the arrangements but i guess u could lessen the conflicts by speaking up
 

yuki_ko

New Member
Hi Sashay

this kinda friend dun see also better... it's not a $$ face issue but this type of pple... not 'automatic', especially, if he knows you all are paying for the dinner...
 

mist

New Member
hi blur blur,

yah, i took out $6k just for my mum, that does not include the rest of monies i have to incur, eg ang pow for brothers and sisters, and other expenses loh. for the rest of expenses, my hubby and i share out the cost loh.

hi milim,

hmmm, you mean $3888 for pin jin, is it reasonable huh?? i think there isn't a guideline whether is that reasonable... seriously, it may be difficult to bring the pin jin.

how abt you can negotiate for you guys to collect the ang pow for the 10 tables??? i think maybe that can help abit.
 

romed

New Member
Hi wan,

I have read yr comments. Actually my mum is not looking for any auspicious figure, She is more interested in getting $6000. But I managed to pursuade her to lower the amount to $3888. Now that she is okie with $3888, I start to feel its still too high as we have already given her 10 tables which cost my in laws about $9000. I am thinking if I should insist she return $1888 instead of $888. At the bottom line, my mum will still insist on getting $4000 no matter how.
 

sashay

New Member
personally i feel pin jin shld be within a reasonable amt. It shld depend on who is footing all the expenses. if its de couple den shld be an affordable/"for show" amt, means no need alot, even few hundreds oso can. If its de "qing jia", no need to "lion open mouth", but can ask for more lor
happy.gif


hi yuki, tts y we striked them off our list of frens hee~

hi mist, fm my knowledge n experience, the tables tt the bride's parents require are usually for the relatives n frens. And most of the relatives will go for the tea ceremony n will either give ang bao or jewellry, thus they wun give any more ang bao. Therefore, the "earnings" are actually not much.
 

maraquan_draik

New Member
After reading others complain about their in-laws and their own parents, I started to think about my own and felt like crying again.

I wanted to complain again. My in-laws took our angbow money worth of 20++ tables and said that it is rightfully theirs because my parents took their part. My parents only asked for 5 tables. Lucky we did not get an expensive restuarant or we can declare bankcrupty after our wedding. I still remember that my father in-law wanted to change the dishes in the menu which will result in the price per table. He said he will give us an additional of $5000 but I never see the money. My bank account has been half because of this.

In the end, we have digged our bank account to pay for the restaurant, wedding, pin jin, photography, etc and only get 3 tables of angbows. We only know that they were taking our angbows on our wedding day.

They were now all waiting for me to bear them their grandchildren at my own expenses. I must said that they were really cruel people and they think that this is the right thing I must do. I hope that their bad karma will take action soon. I know that it is very bad for me to say all these things but I am no god. I cannot complain anything to my hubby because it is not his fault and I do not want to make him difficult.
 

yuki_ko

New Member
Hi Maraquan Draik

Looks like you are having a tough in-laws... Ask them go and bear grandchildren themselves lah... tell them... no $$ no grandchildren... serve them rite...
 

pinkimi

New Member
Hi everyone

my mum had asked for 6 tables for the dinner. and i find it quite ridiculous that she is not giving the ang pows back to us. but i think it is better that i give it to her, else she will always remember that and bring it up again (think she has a big hard disk in her brain, especially for money matters). although my FH's mother is giving us some money for the wedding, but having to pay for the 6tables means we will have lesser money for buying/renovating our house in the future.

however, for the ping jing, my mum said she will only keep the last 2 digits, that means less than $100. so maybe it is still quite 'reasonable' compared to others. but i still dun understand why parents want to take money from their daughters since being married does not mean that i am not their daughter anymore. and i will still give my parents their monthly allowance/jia yong.
 

yuki_ko

New Member
Hi Pinkimi

I totally agree with you that since we are married, it doesn't mean we are not their daughters anymore... perhaps, for older days when daughters once they got married, they dun work and dun give anymore allowance to the parents... but now that we are still contributing on a monthly basis, why are they still getting 'ping jing' and 'tables' and making our burden worst...

No wonder youngsters nowsaday dun wanna get married and even those married also try not to hold wedding dinner... it's such a hassel... abit regret wanting to hold dinner already... but no choice liao... all booked liao...
 

mashybrainz

New Member
Yuki
Agree with you! Think should just tell the parents and in-laws off. Either u do it my way, or no dinner. Take their pick.

Maraquan
Poor thing! You must have spent a bomb. On top of that still gotta pay for house etc. Sorry, but I think your in-laws are downright selfish. I'm surprised your hb didn't intervene. Usually it's easier to deal with your own parents.
 

hwey

New Member
I used to think like you too when my parents requested for 6 fully paid tables from my in-laws for my wedding. I was angry with them cos my in-laws are poor and the money eventually came out from my husband. But in the end, after the wedding dinner, when I went back home, my mother handed me the money for 5 tables. She kept one table so that she could still feel that she is marrying a daughter.

Right now, everytime my son screamed for me when I walked away and smile and me, I start to think there was a time when I loved my parents like how my son loves me now. It must have broken their hearts when I quarrelled with them. Just want to share.
 

forrestgump4

New Member
Hi all,

How come a happy marriage can ended up like discussing a business contract. Probably a $10 million contract also do not need so much of negotiation or communication. Like very "business". Though if we calculate backwards, raising up a daughter really cost a lot but I guess our mother dun give birth to us in order to earn a sum from the FILs right. So I thought mothers should be "zi dong" enough but it doesn't seems so when i read you all's stories here.

Sigh, though such dowry and wedding dinner stuff will only happen to me few yrs later, I can't promise also whether my mum may behave like that. Guess, if worse come to worse, like some of you said, fork out from own money to treat it like thanks our parents for bringing us up lor.
 

jayjaylee

New Member
I have four sisters including myself and my older sisters have all given 10 tables to my parents (not requested by them) but out of gratitude. So I guess it is common... Then again, it really depends whether can the couple afford or not.

My FH and I already decided to offer ten tables to my parents but problems with MIL. She also want 12 tables which is out of practice??? We are paying our wedding and she is not contributing at all yet have requested for 12 tables ang pows... Basically we are saving like crazy trying to cover these expenses - luckily still more than a year's time before AD.

We cannot be bogged down by these money issues otherwise it will become an unhappy occasion which we brides don't want!

Must look beautiful, brides!
 

mist

New Member
hi sashay,

my relatives gave ang pow for tea ceremony and banquet. the ang pow for tea ceremony not very huge. for the banquet, they handed the ang pow to my mum.

i didn know relatives gave only once. i also dun know any of them who buy jewellery for me.

hi mandy,

of cos rightfully, parents shd zhi dong... but how many really do? most of them are being swayed by the views of those kpo aunties.... and parents' market rate is what those aunties tell them loh. so you see their market and our market is very different. they are surrounded by those aunties who still live in the old age!!!! so how can our parents learn to be zhi dong.

to me, i find it more consoling to think that the money i fork out is to thank my mum for bringing me up.

for the rest of the ladies,

if you can afford to reduce the pin jin etc, please go ahead.
 

asura

New Member
Hi,

My problem is tht my mom is not ard to protect me. Going to give my dad 10 tables. cos made a caculation and found that my relatives adds up to 9 tables, so only 1 table for his friends.

Cos my parents are divorced. Have already arranged with my grandpa to give me back the ang pows from my mum's relatives (about 3 tables). so that leave 7 tables but i heard that most relatives these days pow the dinner money at the tea ceremony as well. sounds good to me cos then the money comes straight to us. My strategy now is to snatch as many ang pows as we can. My dad would not be able to get them from me... let's just hope this works, nothing much I can do.

ILs side, we are giving them as many as required as long as ang pows come to us. They are quite easygoing people so going to put it directly to them and also the situation so that they can understand.

So problem now lies with the pin jin.... still trying to figure out how to go about it... haiz..
It's not a matter about who to give and what.. Just feel that if they really treat us as daughters, they would not put us through all these sorrows and unhappiness on our wedding.
 

makino

New Member
wow, I didn't know the male's parents need to keep angpows from the banquet, esp when they are not forking out a cent. Are they marrying off their sons? No offence to anyone, but feel quite infurated to read that such thing is happening...
 

mayelene

New Member
think maybe the parents of the bride still thought the guy side will pay for everything, cos it's the way it was during their time. if they know their daughter have to pay their dowry, dun think they will take alot. my dad will be boiling mad if he knows i help pay part of the wedding expenses. he kept reminding me that it's a guy's responsibility to pay for the wedding, and i'm doing more than enuf to pay for part of the house.
 

sashay

New Member
well, the tables requested by the bride's side is a traditional thingy. So tt they can let others know tt their daughter is getting married. Rightfully in olden days, bride's side dun need to fork out any $$$, its de groom's side, thus de tables lor. Well, never heard of groom's side oso wan tables n keep de ang baos...

As for pin jin, bride's parents wun wanna take too much (they not selling daughter) or too less (show tt their daughter not worthy), therefore there is a dilema. It all voice down to the mind-set/thinking of the parents.

No doubt times r different but some traditional things cannot change de (means de pin jin n de tables lah
happy.gif
) However since nowadays couples are paying from their own pocket it really depends on how u communicate with ur parents to decide who shld keep de ang baos etc. Sometimes de "face" issue oso plays a part. How we wish our parents are like Hwey's mum, return the ang baos w/o her even asking for it.

Hi mist, relatives usually give jewellry during tea ceremony, but some give ang bao too, they cannot drink ur tea n not give u anything rite :p Some gave something during tea ceremony n another ang bao when they go for de dinner (my mum is one of them *faintz*), depends on ur family members.

Mandy, i agree with you. a happy occasion will turn ugly jus becoz of disagreement etc, some one have to take a step back n most of the time its the couple. Wedding involves alot of pple, not jus de couple, more pple more views more ideas more demands etc. We can't satisfy ALL, have to discuss with all parties n come to a solution. I believe not all parents wan their children to be in "wedding debts".
 

worry

New Member
Hi all,

I would like to ask when you say give the number of tables to the parents they have requested. Eg. if per table is 800 and they requested 6 tables, the amt we need to give my parents is it 800 x 6 = 4800? OR is it the relatives that give her the ang bao then she keep?
 

itsun

New Member
Hi Worry,

Usually the bride's parent will keep the ang baos collected from the table they had requested. The actual amt received will depend on the ang paos they got. My FIL is understanding enough to pass every single ang pao he got from the 10 tables he asked... so lucky =)
 

worry

New Member
hi itsun,

so does that mean if the relatives gives my parents the ang bao, then they keep? If they didn't give it to my parents, then I no need to give to them?
 

forrestgump4

New Member
Itsun,

lucky you.

Hi S, unless u can convince your parents that nowadays people dun give so much ang pows. maybe your parents wun ask for so many tables? hehe
 

forrestgump4

New Member
hi S,

i think normally relatives will approach your parents 1st rather than the groom and brides. If your parents really can rem that they are suppose to get the ang pows back, think your parents will also go up to your relatives to lead them to the tables and collect ang pows from them at the same time. *no offence lah*
 

forrestgump4

New Member
hi S,

i think normally relatives will approach your parents 1st rather than the groom and brides. If your parents really can rem that they are suppose to get the ang pows back, think your parents will also go up to your relatives to lead them to the tables and collect ang pows from them at the same time. *no offence lah*
 

asura

New Member
Hi all,

My dad is one who is willing for me to get into a wedding debt as long as he gets $$$ out of it.

Any idea how i can say up front that I want all the ang pows back? Am thinking how to go about it. really pissed off/
 

sashay

New Member
well, 1st hint to them tt u dun have alot of extra money for weddings, only some to barely cover the photos, wedding package n banquet etc. And keep dropping hints tt u heard fm ur other married frens tt they lose money on their wedding banquet, tell both ur parents tt u are afraid this may happen to u.then few weeks later tell them tt u wan ALL de ang baos coz definately will incurr losses for the wedding banquet (since u never heard of a wedding banquet tt is making"profit"). Like dis can???

Aiyo... i m teaching u pple to become a bad person wahahaha~ (think my hubby is going to kill me hee~)
 

forrestgump4

New Member
Olio,

No lah, you teaching pple to save the necessary money mah. Where got teach pple become bad. If need be, i'll be the bad person cos i dun want to run into wedding debts. Nowadays got so many kinds of loans liao, if still add on the wedding ones, wah forever in debts man.
 

asura

New Member
Hi,

Haiz... would try... my dad dont really care if i am in debt or not.. in fact, he likes me to be in debt!

Like that how to have kids? I wouldnt want to have kids until no reno or wedding debts..
 

ashleyethel

Active Member
for my case, my mum asked for 8 tables but she will be giving us $10k as jia zhuang.
however, i told her no need as long as she let me keep the ang pows from all the tables cos my fiance is the one paying for all the expenses.
My mum says she has to give me dowry else no face.. and she also dun wan us to lose a lot of money.
 

puay_kheng

New Member
Hi Asura79

For me, I told my dad upfront that I want to keep all the ang baos collected from the banquet since he did not fork out a single cent towards my wedding. Luckily, relatives from my mum's side (my mum no longer around) all passed the ang baos to me. As for my dad's side, they all passed to him. Since we managed to cover the banquet expenses, I let him have the ang baos which he collected.
 


sashay

New Member
Mandy, i know lah, but its really sad to see relationship turn sour jus becoz of this lah
sad.gif
Haiz... we took abt a year to clear our wedding banquet debts *sob sob* Now with my new hse coming soon, there will be reno loan.. ya where got $$$ to think abt kids???

sometimes telling parents straight in the face tt u wan the ang baos will either make them turn either way; be or against u, so perhaps do it caution n careful way.
 

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