Support group - Divorce

v_ainiaval

New Member
there was a recent change in the women's charter about the division of the marital property, any one can explain that to me in lay man terms?

I am going to borrow the books that the Doll suggested.
 


sgbabydoll

Active Member
ZML, the eight days include Sat, Sun and PHs. Non response is a form of response itself. If I did not remember wrongly, by the eighth day you will have to indicate if you would contest or not. I urge you to read up books on the divorce process for a better understanding. And since you are not working, you are likely to qualify for legal aid. Approach them and check if they can represent you.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
v_ainiaval

On what basis has the wife refused to dispose of the flat?

Actually, shouldn't you be asking your bf for info to satisfy your curiosity in his case? I don't think any of us here who knows nothing about the case would be able to give specific comments.
 

v_ainiaval

New Member
Doll,

The main reason she does not want to dispose of the flat is because it is a jumbo flat. She wants the flat but feels that she cannot afford to finance it on her own. She does not want him to buy over the flat either or sell it in the open market. She just wants him to transfer his share of the house to her without any CPF refunds to his account. She is a working adult and her lawyer advised her that it will not be an option as the judge will look at both their earning capabilities.

I have asked him for info and have received specific. What I would like is, to gather a general consensus, if you see my query it is rather general. Just asking for opinions on the matter. The matter is going to court, because she is disagreeable to all the proposal that they have put up so far.

I am not sure wat would be termed reasonable. but the proposal was that they sell the flat in the open market and the split the purchase 60/40. 60% of the sale proceed to be given to her and if there is any levy to be paid he will pay 60% of the levy/penalty in selling the flat and she is to pay the other 40%.
 

simpleman

Active Member
v_ainiaval,

the wife is unreasonable leh.

I don't think it is reasonable (in most circumstances) to have his share of the house transfer to her without CPF refunds. CPF would not allow it.. you can call CPF to ask - I am quite sure of this because CPF funds is still for old age and when a house is sold/transferred, the money will go back to CPF in their original contribution factor.

Unless the court rules otherwise, very unlikely..
 

v_ainiaval

New Member
sm,

I have checked CPF laws, from Oct 2007, the court has the authority to order the transfer of the CPF fund from the husband to the ex-spouse's CPF accounts without any refunds to his account. though i am confused with the legal jargons used.

This law was introduced to help disabled spouses to have equal share on their husband's CPF account as it would be very difficult for a housewife to purchase a flat on her own without any CPF of her own.

Another ammendment was to have the husband's share of the Flat transferred to the ex-spouse and in the event that the house is sold the husband will get back his CPF share of the flat. Provided the ex-spouse ever sells the house, if he dies before she sells the house well your CPF burn lor...
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
v_ainiaval, what sort of opinion do you want then? Since your bf is disagreeable to the wife's proposal, he will have his lawyer present his case before the judge, right?

ZML, I don't quite get what you mean in your last post...
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Just to add that I have heard of estranged couples who have gone to the High Court on further disputes on the division of matrimonial assets, but so far no one has done this if the asset is only an HDB flat.
 

v_ainiaval

New Member
Once more Doll, please read my post. If you think you have a answer to my question do reply. I would like a reply like the one you just posted abt the appeal to high court. If there is nothing for you to say with regards to my query than just leave it at that. If you think you need more details in order to answer my queries send me a PM.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
v_ainiaval, don't blame others when questions are posed back at you. Don't take it for granted that everyone knew about your bf's case as much as you did. You have already stated what he has to do with the contest, and that you have read up the CPF website. What sort of comment are you seeking? This is the most baffling part of your query.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
ZML, is $40K a gross or nett profit? Did he pay for the renovation of $18K? Did you pay for anything like furniture and electrical appliances? If yes, maybe a "fairer" distribution of the profit to seek is 50-50. He has to settle the loan his father gave him.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
OK, you have to let him or his lawyer know your views and see if they are willing to amend the terms so that the divorce can speed up.
 

v_ainiaval

New Member
Doll,

I am not blaming anyone. Please read my reply and try to understand that. You obviously do not hav any answers to my queries. You don't need to have a reply to every query that is posted on this forum and I am not taking anything for granted.

the questions are general questions like:

1. if the ex-wife refuses to sell the flat in open market, buy it over herself or even let him take over the flat, will the judge make a decision on that and settle it for them?

2. wat are the possibilities that judge wld ask him write off his CPF contribution of the house to the ex so that she can take over the house?

3. cn the ex appeal to high court if she is unhappy with the judgement? the divorce proceedings has been dragging for 3 years now, come 2009 it will be the beginning of the 4th year and this is all because they still have the marital property

the question could apply to anyone, it is not tied to my bf's situation. I need to know if anyone in this forum has a "Case study" that is similar to this and what the outcome was. Or if anyone has encountered such a scenario personally.

hopefully you can stop being baffled...
 

powder

Active Member
"I have a few questions, this is to satisfy my own curiousity more than anything."

remember that hor... satisfy your curiosity more than anything else...

1. yes, possibly.
2. 50/50, will have to know his ex and her situation better, his as well.. this the reason why there's a JUDGE.
3. yes she can, provided she has valid grounds and can afford the fees. else they fight until the judge and lawyers get to split the jumbo flat.

if u're looking for court precedents, then honestly, that's really the lawyer's field of expertise liao.

if pple are trying to help despite the questions which is upto the judge and the facts which is like so stingy... and u get all picky with their answers to u, then perhaps nobody should bother to scratch your itch.

it's just an itch, if your bfren ain't telling u, just look at how aggressive u are above to know why he ain't telling u... u asking for concrete answers to form an Opinion which isn't gonna be of concrete use either.

u're just impatient to know and u need to have other pple's stories to deal with your insecurities, masking it as curiosity. this is the Court, Lawyers, Judge we're talking and there's a reason why it's called a hearing...
 

v_ainiaval

New Member
powder

thanks for you very much for your answers, those were the kind of answers i was looking for.

I hav no idea abt wat a court precedent is and i dun think tt was what i was looking for. not looking for concrete answers, just wat someone like you thinks abt the situation.

the reply above was not meant to be aggressive but if readers precieve it as such there is nothing i cn do about tt.
 

v_ainiaval

New Member
green,

sorry tt you feel tt way. I was just trying make myself clear.

I am under the assumption that the question i asked is a very general question. pls correct me if i'm wrong. i cn see tt everyone is obviously upset wit my response. i am not asking for specific answers, i want a general answer. Powder's reply to the question was straight forward and to the point, n tt was wat i was tryin to explain.

i am not sure how else to explain myself... pls look at this as if i did nt hav a boyfriend n I was just asking the questions as a general question...
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
v_ainiaval

What Powder has said is more common sense than specific. I did not expect you to even want to be told that. Is it so difficult to use your common sense?

If you decide to fight in court, of course you have a 50% chance in winning or losing because the Judge looks at both sides of the story. If you have a case that's worth to be looked into by the High Court and that you are not short of money, you can always take the legal battle further.
 
Ainivl,
Thanks for clarifying.
happy.gif


Doll,
Maybe ainival feel uncertain and want reassurances?
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Green, v_ainiaval INSISTED that she has asked out of curiosity. Should we take it otherwise then? When her curiosity is not satisfied, she took it out on someone. I don't know what kind of curiosity that is. Don't tell me that she needs to be told the meaning of curiosity. Hope not.
 

v_ainiaval

New Member
green,

thanks...tt is the word i was looking for...uncertainty!! curiousity and alot of uncertainty...

Doll u really need to stop replying to ppl like they asked a very stupid question... wat is common sense to you,not necessarily to other ppl. Not every one here has ur level of understanding abt the legal ways. i most definiftely do not hav even half of the legal competency you hav. if u keeping replying to me like i am a moron, i am going to to get defensive abt it. just cos it takes someone a longer time to understand something does not mean they are stupid.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
v_ainiaval, it is not that you do not have common sense. You don't use it. The fact that your bf's case has to be fought out in court means things are more uncertain than certain. Why do you even want to seek to feel otherwise?
 
v_ainiaval,
Well you have to accept that there is not black and white correct answers right now. You need to get a better grip on your emotions and not let them overwhelm you. There's only so much you can do as an "outsider". Sad to say honestly, you are an "outsider" of the court case. You need to let your bf handle it himself. Be more patient.
 

feelingdown

New Member
Think it's between 2.5 - 3K.

I'm also in the midst of finalising my Annulment. Feeling really down. Most of my friends are married, and have kids. Sometimes, i feel really lonely. Perhaps we can arrange to meet up and get to know one another? We can support one another ...
 

feelingdown

New Member
Can someone pls tell me what is "PM" and how to enable it. So that i can PM some of you. I'm new to the forum.

Hi judetan, i'm also female. But i dun hv msn....
 

veiled78

New Member
Hey,

I am currently stuck with a sore point on the HDB flat. My husband wants our matrimonial flat to be transferred to him, which I am more than willing. Problem is he cannot afford the money to be refunded back into my CPF.

Basically, we bought our 4 room flat for $365K. We both paid about $80K each and the outstanding loan is $240K. With his current amount of savings, he cannot afford to cough out $80K into my CPF account.

Another alternative is to sell our flat and then he buys another resale, maybe smaller 3rm HDB flat. The concerns are that:-

1. He cannot buy an HDB property of his own yet as he is not 35 until early 2010.

2. Even if he were to buy a resale flat eventually, he thinks there will still be a high cash up front component.

And we might not be able to get a good price on our 4 room flat now in view of the recession starting to bite so he'll still be in quite a bit of debt.

Things have been very cold and tense here as I am still living in the matrimonial flat, albeit in the spare room.

We just had a huge argument over this. I was doing some research on the HDB website and talking to him about how much the recent resale prices were. When I asked him what his thoughts were, he couldn't tell me what he wanted. Just said divorce and sell the property lah, since you are so keen to get out.

He said I have it real easy, I will just move overseas and pursue my new life while he is still stuck in this shit not knowing what he wants out of life.

The reason he wanted the flat was because it's a shelter for him, an escape. Without it, his father will pressure him to move back with him and his step family. My husband said he'd probably either go mad or commit suicide.

He also told me he will be the one to face all the suanning from his stepmother blah blah blah.(She hates him and he's spent his whole life spiting her and proving his achievements to her).

I think in his head he has accepted that it is better to part in an unhappy union than drag things out. But in the heart, I think he's still in denial.

Have anyone gone through this before? When we saw the lawyers last week, we all agreed it was best to part amicably. But now I think we have taken a step back again. Is this the so called 5 stages of dealing with grief? Is this the anger stage?

I am really trying to make it all as amicable as possible. I have a few questions:-

1. According to my lawyers, if he wants to take over my share of the flat, he has to fully pay up my CPF.

Is there absolutely no way around this? Am I not in a position to forgive part of this debt as it relates to my CPF?

2. How easy is it to secure a bank loan for property in these times? He will be 35 in 2 years, holds a stable job in the civil service. Does anyone have any idea of the current interest rates?

3. How long does it take for a person to fully accept that a divorce is inevitable and to work towards achieving an amicable settlement?

4. Should I move out of my matrimonial flat? I feel very stifled here to see his face everyday and vice versa. I would like us to be friends after a divorce but I feel that every day I stay here will eat away at whatever goodwill's left.

I can't stay at my parents because I've lived away for so long and simply can't move back. Besides, they side with my husband so it will be even more pressurising for me to live with them as they have been trying to psycho and nag me into saving the marriage.
 

fried_rice

New Member
Veiled,

According to the amended law sometime last year I think, he won't need to refund your CPF monies if you are willing for him not to. Website doesn't state this. Go direct to CPF to enquire.
 

fried_rice

New Member
Dawn,

PM = Private Message.

To enable PM, go to Profile => Preferences and ensure 'Do not send me "Private Message" e-mails from other board users' is not checked.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
"i asked 2 lawyers.. one quoted me 5k and the other one quoted me 7k... Sigh.. its so ex.. "

Wow, that's kinda steep for uncontested cases.
 

mint_leaf

New Member
Try a few more lawyers, I am pretty sure that there are some who charge lesser. For me, I would source around for one that has emphathy and willing to listen, not just reputable ones only. Uncontested should not be too ex. Good luck
happy.gif
 

w0rri3d

New Member
Hi
I am new in this forum and planning to file for a divorce with my husband. I am feeling confused and lost on how I should proceed. Would really appreciate if someone could help me answer some of my questions below.
We have been separate for about 2 years now and intends to file for divorce after 3 years of separation.
1. When should I get a lawyer to proceed with the legal proceedings? My 3 years of separation is in Dec09. How long will the lawyer take to file for the divorce? I hope to settle this asap as it is emotionally straining to keep thinking about it for the past 2 years.
2. Can we sell our Hdb flat before we divorce? And will the hdb pay us separately if we have profits for the flat?
3. When can I do if my husband refuses to agree on the divorce after 3 years of separation?
4. If I file for divorce on unreasonable behavior, any idea how much is the legal cost if he contest?
I really hope someone can help me. I had wanted to consult a lawyer but was worried about the legal cost so I tot of getting some advice here. Thank you.
 

sgbabydoll

Active Member
Hi Worried

My attempt to provide some answers to your queries based on what I know. Please note this is no legal advice:

1. The divorce should be filed upon completion of the three-year separation, that is, Dec 2009. Filing for a divorce does not take much time since it is done electronically in Singapore. Very often, how soon a case can be heard in Courts depends much on the speed of works by lawyer/s with respective their clients. Usually, you will get a hearing date within a few weeks after the filing.

2. Depends. Is there a Deed of Separation already signed by both parties? If not, you should be able to release the HDB flat in the open market before divorce is filed. If I am not wrong, you can request for the profit to be made out in two separate cheques.

3. Wait out one more year for separation to reach four years. Divorce would be granted without consent.

4. Depends on what he contests about - the divorce itself or anciliary matters. Whatever it is, try to settle any differences among yourselves to avoid hefty legal costs.

Take care.
 

lonewolfed

New Member
Hi all.. my wife and i are heading for a divorce without any contest. i need some information.

the flat that we bought new and staying in now will reach the 5 year occupancy period at the end of 2009. We intend to go to a lawyer next month(jan 09) to file for divorce. I understand that a 3 year separation period has to lapse before the divorce is finalised.

are we able to continue to occupy the flat until just before the divorce finalises somewhere in jan 2012? reason being she needs a place to stay and i can only apply for a new flat from hdb in march 2011.

Any good divorce lawyer that do not charge so expensive to recommend?
 

w0rri3d

New Member
Hi Doll

Thank you so much for answering my queries.
2. We have a deed of separation signed back in dec 06 with the terms on how to settle the anciliary matters. Will he still be able to contest on the anciliary matters?

3. Will he be able to contest if I file for divorce after 4 years? I am worried that I will not be able to get a divorce and move on with my life. These 2 years of waiting seem never ending and so long.

Thank you so much. It is really kind of you to answer my questions and comforting to know that there is someone out there helping. It gives me hope.
 

w0rri3d

New Member
Hi Ed

The Deed of separation is a private document. If I am now wrong, you should be able to occupy the flat until you file for divorce.

The cost of my deed of separation is between $500 to $1k. (can't remember the exact cost) I am not sure what are the charges now.
 

secretgardenfc

New Member
Divorce or Separation

Hi all,

I’m a mother (38-year old) with a 13 yo kid. Me and my husband has been married for 13 years since 2007. Since the birth of my child, me and my husband has not had sex ever since, even after the birth of my child (Yes, no sex for 12 years+). He doesn’t even want to touch me and or even care about me. He was always complaining that he was tired and no mood. After I tried taking initiative for quite some time, I stopped doing it cos I felt that it’s pointless.

Recently, my hubby and I discussed and decided we should file for divorce amicably, reason is unreasonable behaviour as there were many unhappy things which happened before that.

We wish to minimise the impact on our child so thought of still staying together so that my kid won’t suspect anything. And also, our family are very against divorce so I can’t get any help or support from my family.

If I choose to go ahead with the divorce and my hubby has agreed to transfer the HDB flat (MOP more than 5 years) to me, problem is I don’t earn enough to pay for the HDB Loan or is there any other way which I can applied for subsidy for singles/divorcee?
I can’t sell the house as we are staying v near to my parents’ place which my daughter’s will go during weekdays after school.

Otherwise, should I go for separation instead?

Are there any kind-hearted person be able to provide me with some solutions, please? I feel that I'm dying everyday cos been thinking non-stop about it and no one I can talk to.

Thank you
 

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