"si dian jin (四点金)"
- Thread starter moon
- Start date
Hi jazz,
we r oso payin for the weddin ourselves. My mum did not ask for any tables. she just requested for a token ang pow during guo da li.
so i guess it depends on ur mum.
so since my parents did not ask for tables or pin jin, hubby bought me si dian jin instead....kinda make up to my parents indirectly...hehe
we r oso payin for the weddin ourselves. My mum did not ask for any tables. she just requested for a token ang pow during guo da li.
so i guess it depends on ur mum.
so since my parents did not ask for tables or pin jin, hubby bought me si dian jin instead....kinda make up to my parents indirectly...hehe
my MIL bo chap, din even noe tat my hubby alrdy bought for me si dian jin.
i wud hint tat i prefer white gold instead but hav 2 b careful not 2 b rude....so the best way is to get ur hubby 2 hint for u. hubby can oso hint tat it wud b better tat u go along tog 2 choose.
of course, if ur mil wants 2 go by herself n insist on gold, there's really nutin much u can do. if not nice, it's still the tots n meanin behind the jewellery tat counts.
i wud hint tat i prefer white gold instead but hav 2 b careful not 2 b rude....so the best way is to get ur hubby 2 hint for u. hubby can oso hint tat it wud b better tat u go along tog 2 choose.
of course, if ur mil wants 2 go by herself n insist on gold, there's really nutin much u can do. if not nice, it's still the tots n meanin behind the jewellery tat counts.
hi Alhana / Volka,thanks!
in my case, MIL told hubbyto arrange one day to go with them to select the jewelery...... but i scared i choose things that are beyond her budget. yah, i shd ask hubby to ask her if got any budget. hopefully she won't think white gold is not auspicious.
hi Jazz,
we r oso paying for the banquet ourselves. my mum oso only asked for ang pow as a token
in my case, MIL told hubbyto arrange one day to go with them to select the jewelery...... but i scared i choose things that are beyond her budget. yah, i shd ask hubby to ask her if got any budget. hopefully she won't think white gold is not auspicious.
hi Jazz,
we r oso paying for the banquet ourselves. my mum oso only asked for ang pow as a token
L
linac
Guest
My hubby is a Teochew and I am Khek. I want to check ‘si dian jin’ should be bought by who? My FPIL or my hubby with his own money? For my case, my hubby come out with the money to buy the gold and dowry, my FPIL in law did not come out with a single cent. During the’Duo Da Li’ only my hubby come to my house alone, is it correct? My FPIL only know how to make noise on the few dates we selected saying it’s ‘chong’ them but on the actual day yet did not turn up. They seem to be an outsider to all this and a careless attitude where as my parent is full of enthusiasm. My parent wanted to meet my FPIL but they are not keen to meet up, until now, one month before my wedding, they have not even seem each other yet. So wired. We are also paying everything for our wedding including banquet. Sometimes wonder why are they so careless, felt very disappointed and sad..
Hi Linac,
The 'si dian jin' should be bought by your FPIL. As for the dowry, it shld be from your parents. For the 'Guo Da Li', it's correct that his parents do not need to come to your house. Instead, it'll be your husband with a auntie to act as mei po. However, you should arrange a dinner session with both sides' parents 2 months before (make use of food tasting) to talk about the procedures, preparation (what to buy) and the number of tables your FPIL will be giving to your parents (FPIL pay). It helps a lot by bringing 2 families closer.
I can understand the disappointing feeling coz my mum also reacted coldly sometimes but we just try to do what we can. Try to seeking your MIL advice more so that she'll feel more involved and important. And I believe there's a need as Teochew has the most customary procedures to follow!
The 'si dian jin' should be bought by your FPIL. As for the dowry, it shld be from your parents. For the 'Guo Da Li', it's correct that his parents do not need to come to your house. Instead, it'll be your husband with a auntie to act as mei po. However, you should arrange a dinner session with both sides' parents 2 months before (make use of food tasting) to talk about the procedures, preparation (what to buy) and the number of tables your FPIL will be giving to your parents (FPIL pay). It helps a lot by bringing 2 families closer.
I can understand the disappointing feeling coz my mum also reacted coldly sometimes but we just try to do what we can. Try to seeking your MIL advice more so that she'll feel more involved and important. And I believe there's a need as Teochew has the most customary procedures to follow!
Hi Linac,
si dian jin is teochew tradition for mother-in-law to give daughter-in-law.
It is bad luck if the future parents-in-laws turn up at the 'guo da li'. don't ask me why. should get a 'good married woman' to go with your husband. means... happily married, mother alive and have children. for my case, my sister-in-law came along with my husband.
It's very common that couples pay for their own weddings now-a-days. use your credit card (get temp credit line increase) and then keep the ang bao money to pay for the dinner banquet - normally can cover. You can cham siong with your parents to use the ang baos from their table to cover the dinner. i think they will agree - cos from your description, they sound like very reasonable people.
Oh dear... maybe your parents-in-law very shy?? but shouldn't they meet to see who their in-laws are and to discuss the wedding? You can have a briefing session abt 2 wks before the wedding, to go through the day's procedures (like rehearsal). include all wedding helpers and immediate family members - say that they must come so that they know what will happen. then maybe your parents can meet?
maybe your parents-in-law are afraid that they will need to spend alot for the wedding. u know lah, some older folks are worried that they have no money for retiring.
si dian jin is teochew tradition for mother-in-law to give daughter-in-law.
It is bad luck if the future parents-in-laws turn up at the 'guo da li'. don't ask me why. should get a 'good married woman' to go with your husband. means... happily married, mother alive and have children. for my case, my sister-in-law came along with my husband.
It's very common that couples pay for their own weddings now-a-days. use your credit card (get temp credit line increase) and then keep the ang bao money to pay for the dinner banquet - normally can cover. You can cham siong with your parents to use the ang baos from their table to cover the dinner. i think they will agree - cos from your description, they sound like very reasonable people.
Oh dear... maybe your parents-in-law very shy?? but shouldn't they meet to see who their in-laws are and to discuss the wedding? You can have a briefing session abt 2 wks before the wedding, to go through the day's procedures (like rehearsal). include all wedding helpers and immediate family members - say that they must come so that they know what will happen. then maybe your parents can meet?
maybe your parents-in-law are afraid that they will need to spend alot for the wedding. u know lah, some older folks are worried that they have no money for retiring.
M
mrs
Guest
Wow! After reading through this thread, my head really start pounding boy!
I'm a hokkien, hubby's a Teochew/peranakan (baba). His family's catholic. MIL deceased already. He only has a brother and sister-in-law (no kids and SIL's mom also deceased - so cannot consider as 'good married woman'?).
We are paying for our own wedding dinner, church reception and everything. My mum is asking for 11 tables from us for our close relatives BUT WILL RETURN ALL ANG POW COLLECTION to defray the banquet charges. She is also not getting any dowry for me since tecnically speaking, she didn't get any tables from us.
My questions are:
1) Am I right to say that since my MIL is no longer around, there should be no si dian jin.
2) What about 'Guo Da Li'? (I think my mom is asking for some wedding cakes and canned pig trotters.) Who has to accompany my hubby? Can he come alone?
3) Even though my mother never ask, does my hubby have to give 'pin jin' during 'guo da li'?
4) Traditionally, do hokkiens get suckling pig from the groom's family for weddings. If yes, on actual day or during 'Guo Da Li'?
Will those who knows the traditions and has eldersto advised please help me out. Don't want to 'offend' any relatives by not following certain things. Sigh!
I'm a hokkien, hubby's a Teochew/peranakan (baba). His family's catholic. MIL deceased already. He only has a brother and sister-in-law (no kids and SIL's mom also deceased - so cannot consider as 'good married woman'?).
We are paying for our own wedding dinner, church reception and everything. My mum is asking for 11 tables from us for our close relatives BUT WILL RETURN ALL ANG POW COLLECTION to defray the banquet charges. She is also not getting any dowry for me since tecnically speaking, she didn't get any tables from us.
My questions are:
1) Am I right to say that since my MIL is no longer around, there should be no si dian jin.
2) What about 'Guo Da Li'? (I think my mom is asking for some wedding cakes and canned pig trotters.) Who has to accompany my hubby? Can he come alone?
3) Even though my mother never ask, does my hubby have to give 'pin jin' during 'guo da li'?
4) Traditionally, do hokkiens get suckling pig from the groom's family for weddings. If yes, on actual day or during 'Guo Da Li'?
Will those who knows the traditions and has eldersto advised please help me out. Don't want to 'offend' any relatives by not following certain things. Sigh!
Hi Mrs Quake
Nowadays, traditions r not tt strictly followed anymore. All dependins on how pan dang yr family n yr FPILs family r. Same as u, me and FH also paying for everything n altho my mum says that she will return to us the ang pow money but to us, it's ok cos she might be buying something for us n even if she returns to us, will buy something 4 her after the wedding.
Technically speaking, yr mum seems to be taking 11 tables fm you but frankly speaking, she's not taking any at all cos she's returning all the ang pow money to u. So actually, u shd count as u did not give her any tables at all. What is meant by tables given means u do not take any money from these tables. Whether or not she return the money is entirely up to her.
1) Nope, si dian jin can still be given. If yr MIL already deceased, yr FH can buy for u. For formality purposes. Sent to yr hse during guo da li.
2) If yr hub has an aunt, can do 2 as long as an elder person. Normally don't come alone. his brother can accompany him (unsure elder or younger cos u did not say).
3) Yes, pin jin is a must. Pin jin is like thanking yr mum for bringing u up. How much no standard but it is a must. Especially so if mum not taking any table fm u.
4) Nah, suckling pigs r not a must nowadays. If yes, it is on actual day. Guo Da li is normally canned pig trotters.
Hope the above helps cos they r based on what i know.
Nowadays, traditions r not tt strictly followed anymore. All dependins on how pan dang yr family n yr FPILs family r. Same as u, me and FH also paying for everything n altho my mum says that she will return to us the ang pow money but to us, it's ok cos she might be buying something for us n even if she returns to us, will buy something 4 her after the wedding.
Technically speaking, yr mum seems to be taking 11 tables fm you but frankly speaking, she's not taking any at all cos she's returning all the ang pow money to u. So actually, u shd count as u did not give her any tables at all. What is meant by tables given means u do not take any money from these tables. Whether or not she return the money is entirely up to her.
1) Nope, si dian jin can still be given. If yr MIL already deceased, yr FH can buy for u. For formality purposes. Sent to yr hse during guo da li.
2) If yr hub has an aunt, can do 2 as long as an elder person. Normally don't come alone. his brother can accompany him (unsure elder or younger cos u did not say).
3) Yes, pin jin is a must. Pin jin is like thanking yr mum for bringing u up. How much no standard but it is a must. Especially so if mum not taking any table fm u.
4) Nah, suckling pigs r not a must nowadays. If yes, it is on actual day. Guo Da li is normally canned pig trotters.
Hope the above helps cos they r based on what i know.
M
mrs
Guest
Thanks Abrina, for answering my questions! very grateful!
Further questions:
1) Usually how do people choose the date for 'Guo Da Li'? Is it up to individual oris ther a specific period before the wedding?
2) My husband has an aunty but she is also unmarried. He has an older brother though. So who will be more suitable for the task for Guo Da Li?
3) Other than cakes, canned pig trotters, pin jin in a red packet, what other things are expected?
Thanks for your help.
Further questions:
1) Usually how do people choose the date for 'Guo Da Li'? Is it up to individual oris ther a specific period before the wedding?
2) My husband has an aunty but she is also unmarried. He has an older brother though. So who will be more suitable for the task for Guo Da Li?
3) Other than cakes, canned pig trotters, pin jin in a red packet, what other things are expected?
Thanks for your help.
Hi Mrs Quake,
i am getting married soon.
1) For those very "Pang Tang" pple. they will used both couple birth date to calculate for a good day to "Guo DA Li" else just choose a general good day on the chinese calendar. The traditional Chinese Calendar specify the time so can check it out. Some of the shop selling incence have the chinese calendar u can ask them for help.
2) How abt cousin? doesnt he have any cousin that can help?
3) Wine, fruits? depend on dialect. U shld ask ur mum what she wants.
i am getting married soon.
1) For those very "Pang Tang" pple. they will used both couple birth date to calculate for a good day to "Guo DA Li" else just choose a general good day on the chinese calendar. The traditional Chinese Calendar specify the time so can check it out. Some of the shop selling incence have the chinese calendar u can ask them for help.
2) How abt cousin? doesnt he have any cousin that can help?
3) Wine, fruits? depend on dialect. U shld ask ur mum what she wants.
Hi Mrs Quake,
the 'good married woman' is the person who goes with the groom to bride's home on the 'guo da li' day. it's just "Preferable" so that she can bring good luck to the families... heh...
er... does your husband have any other married aunties or sisters or cousins?
the date of the 'guo da li' is 1 or 2 wks before the wedding date. dates are ok as long as not within hungry ghost festival - unless your family count dates. for mine, it was 1 wk before the actual wedding.
since your MIL is no more around, then you need not follow strictly to the 'traditional' stuff unless your own parents are very 'traditional'.
so don't really need 'si dian jin' unless your husband wants to buy them for you.
the basic stuff...
groom to bride's parents:
pin jin (dowry)
si dian jin (if your husband want to give)
cakes
peanut candy
oranges (or orange squash)
liquor (if your parents want)
pig (if your parents want)
ang bao (for everything that's missed out)
basically for everything, your mom takes some and return the rest - abt 20%, except dowry (your mom decide how much she wants to take)
on top of that your mom supposed to give you/husband:
pair of lamps
bedsheet set
jewellery (jia zhuang)
the 'good married woman' is the person who goes with the groom to bride's home on the 'guo da li' day. it's just "Preferable" so that she can bring good luck to the families... heh...
er... does your husband have any other married aunties or sisters or cousins?
the date of the 'guo da li' is 1 or 2 wks before the wedding date. dates are ok as long as not within hungry ghost festival - unless your family count dates. for mine, it was 1 wk before the actual wedding.
since your MIL is no more around, then you need not follow strictly to the 'traditional' stuff unless your own parents are very 'traditional'.
so don't really need 'si dian jin' unless your husband wants to buy them for you.
the basic stuff...
groom to bride's parents:
pin jin (dowry)
si dian jin (if your husband want to give)
cakes
peanut candy
oranges (or orange squash)
liquor (if your parents want)
pig (if your parents want)
ang bao (for everything that's missed out)
basically for everything, your mom takes some and return the rest - abt 20%, except dowry (your mom decide how much she wants to take)
on top of that your mom supposed to give you/husband:
pair of lamps
bedsheet set
jewellery (jia zhuang)
B
bride-2b
Guest
thanks! glad tt I've found this topic.
I have some questions:
1)Must a ring be part of the si dian jin?
2)Heard tt sometimes si dian jin is for PIL to "show off". If so, how much ($) then consider "got face"? *sigh*
3)My mother is going to buy for me "jia zhuang". I'm going to choose something smaller & cheaper cos I might want to wear daily. Will this not give "enough" "face" to my mother? *sighx2*
I have some questions:
1)Must a ring be part of the si dian jin?
2)Heard tt sometimes si dian jin is for PIL to "show off". If so, how much ($) then consider "got face"? *sigh*
3)My mother is going to buy for me "jia zhuang". I'm going to choose something smaller & cheaper cos I might want to wear daily. Will this not give "enough" "face" to my mother? *sighx2*
M
mrs
Guest
Hi Orchid.
Thanks for the information. I'm glad that I found this thread.
My mom has been quite 'reluctant' to tell us what is needed. Probably because she knows that my FH does not really have anyone to turn to as his mom is no longer around and he has no other cloes relatives. Moreover, FH is more like what people would call 'banana' - very ang moh; know nuts about tradition customs and speaks only English.
Although she tries to cut down on everything but we felt that we must do at least a proper job so that those 'san gu liu po' in my family will not start wagging their tongues about how 'easy' mom is about FH or how 'insensitive' FH is about the customs.
I think FH will agree with me that we have a proper guo da li and I may just cut out the si dian jin since I'm not a jewellery person. Maybe, he can throw in 2-4 air tickets for a short trip instead!
Thanks for the information. I'm glad that I found this thread.
My mom has been quite 'reluctant' to tell us what is needed. Probably because she knows that my FH does not really have anyone to turn to as his mom is no longer around and he has no other cloes relatives. Moreover, FH is more like what people would call 'banana' - very ang moh; know nuts about tradition customs and speaks only English.
Although she tries to cut down on everything but we felt that we must do at least a proper job so that those 'san gu liu po' in my family will not start wagging their tongues about how 'easy' mom is about FH or how 'insensitive' FH is about the customs.
I think FH will agree with me that we have a proper guo da li and I may just cut out the si dian jin since I'm not a jewellery person. Maybe, he can throw in 2-4 air tickets for a short trip instead!
B
bride-2b
Guest
Hi Mrs Quake,
Precisely! All these customs is on one hand, do for other ppl to see. Sometimes I wonder why.*puzzled*
Precisely! All these customs is on one hand, do for other ppl to see. Sometimes I wonder why.*puzzled*
Hi Mrs Quake
Actually, u do not hv to follow the whole 'so called' traditional process. For me, my mum says tt this is all for ceremonial purposes. Whether yr marriage last, all depends on both of u. My mum said this cos this is what happened to her. Her marriage date was considered one of the best previously ie. a day before Mid-autumn festival, one of the best days for getting married but how did the marriage turn out?? Failed. So, don't hv to worry so much.
For me, for example, my coming wedding in June, my MIL (cos she cantonese) ask for 6 types of sweet stuff, 2 bottles of orange squash, 12 oranges and 2 bunches of green bananas. The only thing she stressed is that the green bananas must be really green. *hahahaha*
For my mum, she says the easiest is to hv the 6 types of sweet stuff tt my MIL asked for, 2 bottles of hard liquor (against the orange squash), 12 oranges - same), cakes (vouchers can do) n pig trotters (either 28, 38 or 48 - she has not decided). Other than tt, that's it. My mum says don't hv to buy si dian jin for me cos i don't wear. So my MIL buying me a pair of bangles to give to me during tea ceremony. Tt's all lah.
Actually if yr FH really cannot find anybody, his elder brother shd be ok if he does not mind. Check with yr mum.
Hi bride 2-b
Regarding the jia zhuang, mine are the bangles, I told my MIL to bring me go n buy then I choose myself. I already told her the design i wanted - simple, plain ones which I can wear daily. Think yr MIL won't mind. just explain to her tt u want to wear them everyday. Think she will be very happy to c n hear u say tt u want to wear them.
Si dian jin is actually ring, bangle, chain n earrings. Don't know the $ for face though.
Most imptly, do what u can afford.
Sorry for d really long posting.
Actually, u do not hv to follow the whole 'so called' traditional process. For me, my mum says tt this is all for ceremonial purposes. Whether yr marriage last, all depends on both of u. My mum said this cos this is what happened to her. Her marriage date was considered one of the best previously ie. a day before Mid-autumn festival, one of the best days for getting married but how did the marriage turn out?? Failed. So, don't hv to worry so much.
For me, for example, my coming wedding in June, my MIL (cos she cantonese) ask for 6 types of sweet stuff, 2 bottles of orange squash, 12 oranges and 2 bunches of green bananas. The only thing she stressed is that the green bananas must be really green. *hahahaha*
For my mum, she says the easiest is to hv the 6 types of sweet stuff tt my MIL asked for, 2 bottles of hard liquor (against the orange squash), 12 oranges - same), cakes (vouchers can do) n pig trotters (either 28, 38 or 48 - she has not decided). Other than tt, that's it. My mum says don't hv to buy si dian jin for me cos i don't wear. So my MIL buying me a pair of bangles to give to me during tea ceremony. Tt's all lah.
Actually if yr FH really cannot find anybody, his elder brother shd be ok if he does not mind. Check with yr mum.
Hi bride 2-b
Regarding the jia zhuang, mine are the bangles, I told my MIL to bring me go n buy then I choose myself. I already told her the design i wanted - simple, plain ones which I can wear daily. Think yr MIL won't mind. just explain to her tt u want to wear them everyday. Think she will be very happy to c n hear u say tt u want to wear them.
Si dian jin is actually ring, bangle, chain n earrings. Don't know the $ for face though.
Sorry for d really long posting.
M
mrs
Guest
Hi bride-2b: I guess it has to do with our 'chinese' mentality. 'Face' is always very important. Actually, if not for the sake of my parents, I'll do away with everything, including the dinner. But I know if I do that, those aunties in the family will start all their sarcarstic comments and rumours about my poor parents. Sigh.
Abrinas: I totally agree with you. A lasting marriage is dependent on the couple and the support of the family; not on the material part. One can select the best date in the world,have the most lavish wedding but still fail miserably in marriage if either partner do not commit or give their best in keeping the marriage. The worst is to have unsupportive extended family who tries hard to pressurise the couple and break them up .
Abrinas: I totally agree with you. A lasting marriage is dependent on the couple and the support of the family; not on the material part. One can select the best date in the world,have the most lavish wedding but still fail miserably in marriage if either partner do not commit or give their best in keeping the marriage. The worst is to have unsupportive extended family who tries hard to pressurise the couple and break them up .
M
mrs
Guest
Sigh. Precisely. That's why I have to find out more about the traditions now, Abrinas. Glad to know this thread exist and thanks to those who bother to answer my queries here.
Hi Abrinas,
Some answers:
1)Must a ring be part of the si dian jin?
'Si dian jin' means 4 pcs gold. can be any combination of 4 pcs: earrings, ring, bangle, bracelet, pendant, necklace
2) si dian jin is for PIL to "show off".
not really. it's a gift for you to show that they are proud to accept you as their daughter-in-law.
3)"jia zhuang"
this is for your mom to show how much she loves you. so when you are married, you have something to keep and be proud of. and of course to show your in-laws that your mom can afford to give this to you.
and to the rest,
normally you tend to wear the 'jia zhuang' more than the 'si dian jin' cos you get more say on the design (your own mother what)... i think it would mean more to her that you actually wear you jia zhuang even if it's less expensive.
I think this exchange thing came about when in old china the bride & groom come from different villages, and their families don't meet first - which is why there's the go-between. So the only thing they can see are the gifts. relatives only know abt the wedding when they receive the cakes & oranges - like an announcement. and when the girl is married out, she no longer goes home - only on the 3rd day of the wedding & once a year on 2nd day chinese new year.
now that we are in singapore and living almost like neighbors (relative to the distance of china villages), i have absolutely no idea what the exchange is for - other than the 'pin jin' (which also reflects your worth - must pay your parents for bringing you up). then again, i really wouldn't mind the gold. hehe...
Some answers:
1)Must a ring be part of the si dian jin?
'Si dian jin' means 4 pcs gold. can be any combination of 4 pcs: earrings, ring, bangle, bracelet, pendant, necklace
2) si dian jin is for PIL to "show off".
not really. it's a gift for you to show that they are proud to accept you as their daughter-in-law.
3)"jia zhuang"
this is for your mom to show how much she loves you. so when you are married, you have something to keep and be proud of. and of course to show your in-laws that your mom can afford to give this to you.
and to the rest,
normally you tend to wear the 'jia zhuang' more than the 'si dian jin' cos you get more say on the design (your own mother what)... i think it would mean more to her that you actually wear you jia zhuang even if it's less expensive.
I think this exchange thing came about when in old china the bride & groom come from different villages, and their families don't meet first - which is why there's the go-between. So the only thing they can see are the gifts. relatives only know abt the wedding when they receive the cakes & oranges - like an announcement. and when the girl is married out, she no longer goes home - only on the 3rd day of the wedding & once a year on 2nd day chinese new year.
now that we are in singapore and living almost like neighbors (relative to the distance of china villages), i have absolutely no idea what the exchange is for - other than the 'pin jin' (which also reflects your worth - must pay your parents for bringing you up). then again, i really wouldn't mind the gold. hehe...
Hi Orchid
Not me asked the questions one lah, it is bride-2b lah.
But nvrmnd, I learn what it's all abt.
As for jia zhuang, since when I announced my wedding date mid last year, my mum has been 'collecting' stuff for me.
If pin jin really reflects worth, then my FH needs to give my mum a lot of money basing on what the size I hv grown into!!
Happy Valentine's day, everybody!!
Not me asked the questions one lah, it is bride-2b lah.
As for jia zhuang, since when I announced my wedding date mid last year, my mum has been 'collecting' stuff for me.
If pin jin really reflects worth, then my FH needs to give my mum a lot of money basing on what the size I hv grown into!!
Happy Valentine's day, everybody!!
hi everyone..
only after reading this did i realise that i din even know there's something called "guo da li"! i really have much to learn man..
me also having some cultural conflict...PIL are quite western, n dun even really believe in giving things like dowry n si dian jin...n my parents are quite sticky abt following the wedding traditions e.g. giving of tables, si dian jin, etc...even though both of us are paying for dinner n all..think in worst case scenario we got to buy the si dian jin for myself!
only after reading this did i realise that i din even know there's something called "guo da li"! i really have much to learn man..
me also having some cultural conflict...PIL are quite western, n dun even really believe in giving things like dowry n si dian jin...n my parents are quite sticky abt following the wedding traditions e.g. giving of tables, si dian jin, etc...even though both of us are paying for dinner n all..think in worst case scenario we got to buy the si dian jin for myself!
M
mrs
Guest
Hi tingting! Looks like I'm not the only one! Hehehe....hubby & family are 'bananas', dunno all the traditions. Worse is he got very small family and so no one can help.
Hi all, thanks for all the info - very details and insightful. BTW, wonder if any of u encountered MILs asking for 1 doz or 10 sets of bath and face towels??? FYI, my FH is Hokkien. Is it a Hokkien tradition to ask daughter-in-laws' parents for this?? This really stunned my mum as she had never never heard this practice before. Care to share? Thanxalot!
black_monster
New Member
hi boots,
hope my reply doesnt cum too late. Yes, it's a common practise. These towels are to be given to the siblings of ur FH.
Hope it helps.
hope my reply doesnt cum too late. Yes, it's a common practise. These towels are to be given to the siblings of ur FH.
Hope it helps.
T
towel
Guest
Hi Boots,
ya, me 2. my mum give a set of face & bath towel to FH's uncles, brothers & sisters.
is a common "pin jing" item. ur MIL said tat better, my frn MIL didn't say, end up alot of "small talk" behind their back. U r lucky ur MIL tell u now.
happy hunting 4 ur towels ^.^
ya, me 2. my mum give a set of face & bath towel to FH's uncles, brothers & sisters.
is a common "pin jing" item. ur MIL said tat better, my frn MIL didn't say, end up alot of "small talk" behind their back. U r lucky ur MIL tell u now.
happy hunting 4 ur towels ^.^
Hi Tower & Black Monster, thanx so much for your info!!! It's not late at all, coz still got a long way before my Guo Da Li. Your info sure helps coz I'm the only daughter so my family is a bit blur on the traditional customs. What's more I'm not Hokkien. Now deciding how to go about making the towels more presentable, heehee. Any suggestions greatly welcomed!! BTW, not really necessary must buy new tea set for the tea ceremony rite?? My family intend to borrow from my aunt, heehee. Trying to cut down on the unnecessary, besides I guess after my turn, there'll be a long way before my younger bro gets married so no point keeping a tea set for years. Also just wondering if your in-laws tend to be on the older gen. My mum commented that my mum-in-law quite a 'deep' person. Not so easy to get along which I all along have felt it and at that time my mum dismissed my thoughts but ever since the discussion on the Guo Da Li, she came to realise that what I've said has been true. Anyway, my point is whether your future in-laws are the kind that will not think highly of daughters-in-law that doesn't have bring with her a lot of dowry?? That's also my mum's fear after she has discussed the wedding details so she's helping me to stock up more on my dowry, heehee.
E
equally blur
Guest
Posting a question on my mum's behalf
My mum has bought si dian jing (or rather si dian zhuan) for my SIL and she was told that have to bring all 4 items during Guo Da Li.
So during tea ceremony what does she give? An ang pow? Another piece of jewellery (becomes wu dian jing liao)? Or take up one piece from the si dian jing?
My mum has bought si dian jing (or rather si dian zhuan) for my SIL and she was told that have to bring all 4 items during Guo Da Li.
So during tea ceremony what does she give? An ang pow? Another piece of jewellery (becomes wu dian jing liao)? Or take up one piece from the si dian jing?
W
wj
Guest
i think she has to give either an ang pow or ANOTHER piece of jewellery....do not remove anything from d SDJ pls....its for d GDL.
re SDJ, i also hav a question....r we supposed to wear them for d tea ceremony or not? how r we supposed to display them if not? my GDL is only for direct family so no relative will be able to see d SDJ....i think all MILs would want their SDJ displayed for d others to see...so what should i do, just leave them in d box n put on d bed on actual day???
re SDJ, i also hav a question....r we supposed to wear them for d tea ceremony or not? how r we supposed to display them if not? my GDL is only for direct family so no relative will be able to see d SDJ....i think all MILs would want their SDJ displayed for d others to see...so what should i do, just leave them in d box n put on d bed on actual day???
Hi wj,
It actually depend on ur MIL side whether they want u to show off the SDJ that she given u. My MIL actually wanted me to wear them, however i thot my hubby that i doesnt want to due to the reason that it will not go well with my WG. My MIL agree to it, infact SDJ was to be display on our bed to let the relative see but as then we also forget abt the displaying them.
Equally blur,
SDJ is a totally separate items from the jewellery that ur mum to give on the tea ceremony.
I got my SDJ and on the tea ceremony, my MIL give me another piece, not gold or ang pow but she got me a watch which she bring me to buy.
It actually depend on ur MIL side whether they want u to show off the SDJ that she given u. My MIL actually wanted me to wear them, however i thot my hubby that i doesnt want to due to the reason that it will not go well with my WG. My MIL agree to it, infact SDJ was to be display on our bed to let the relative see but as then we also forget abt the displaying them.
Equally blur,
SDJ is a totally separate items from the jewellery that ur mum to give on the tea ceremony.
I got my SDJ and on the tea ceremony, my MIL give me another piece, not gold or ang pow but she got me a watch which she bring me to buy.
W
wj
Guest
thanks girls....they're white gold so i c if they can go w my wg or not lor....am getting a kua also, if lots of silver on d kua, then its perfect
P
phn
Guest
hi,
i had been to tianpo to search for my sdj but not of many designs. also been to poh heng, not bad. any other recommendations....
my mil prefer "da fang" ... where to get modern and nice sdj... not that kind tradition thick thick gold...
pls help...
i had been to tianpo to search for my sdj but not of many designs. also been to poh heng, not bad. any other recommendations....
my mil prefer "da fang" ... where to get modern and nice sdj... not that kind tradition thick thick gold...
pls help...
Hi wendy
it is ok not to wear your SDJ if ur inlaws are ok with it, AND esp if it is yellow gold. however, it is always polite to don them during the tea ceremony for a couple of minutes, then remove them as you depart from the hubby's house to go to ur own parents' house. I'm sure ur folks won't bother if u don't wear ur inlaws' SDJ.
to clarify with 'Equally blur' and 'pausini', the SDJ is to be presented during the GuoDaLi with all the other goodies, not on actual wedding tea ceremony. During the tea ceremony, there's supposed to be some more jewellery (expected) to be given to the bride. however, given today's down economy, most MILs just give an angpow, which is good enough. You are lucky to receive a watch!
SDJ consists of necklace, pendant, bracelet and earrings in Teochew context. Strictly speaking, if u r not a Teochew bride, u shd not demand for SDJ!! But of course if u don't wanna lugi and your inlaws are more than willing, u can push for it!!
Hi phn:
those jewellery shops like aspial, lee hwa, meyson, tianpo, etc. are charging a premium for the advertising and publicity. frankly, the design is copied from all the international brands like Tiffany's, Cartier and Bulgari. you can go to relatively unknown ones at Far East Plaza or Lucky Plaza to take a look. Or visit some neighbourhood jewellers.
If u r visiting HK, make good use of the Summer sale there, as they have many trendy jewellers as well as traditional ones like LiuFu, ZhouShenShen, XiaRuiLing. I customised my white gold Cartier-lookalike wedding band in HK for only S$200+.
Where u buy ur Dafang SDJ depends one what u want. Diamonds? Yellow gold? White gold? Platinum? Other gems like pearls/rubies/sapphire? For me, i picked plain diamonds with no fanciful designs, i.e. single studs for earrings, single diamond pendant, diamond tennis bracelet, like this pattern:
o-o-o-o-o-o
it is ok not to wear your SDJ if ur inlaws are ok with it, AND esp if it is yellow gold. however, it is always polite to don them during the tea ceremony for a couple of minutes, then remove them as you depart from the hubby's house to go to ur own parents' house. I'm sure ur folks won't bother if u don't wear ur inlaws' SDJ.
to clarify with 'Equally blur' and 'pausini', the SDJ is to be presented during the GuoDaLi with all the other goodies, not on actual wedding tea ceremony. During the tea ceremony, there's supposed to be some more jewellery (expected) to be given to the bride. however, given today's down economy, most MILs just give an angpow, which is good enough. You are lucky to receive a watch!
SDJ consists of necklace, pendant, bracelet and earrings in Teochew context. Strictly speaking, if u r not a Teochew bride, u shd not demand for SDJ!! But of course if u don't wanna lugi and your inlaws are more than willing, u can push for it!!
Hi phn:
those jewellery shops like aspial, lee hwa, meyson, tianpo, etc. are charging a premium for the advertising and publicity. frankly, the design is copied from all the international brands like Tiffany's, Cartier and Bulgari. you can go to relatively unknown ones at Far East Plaza or Lucky Plaza to take a look. Or visit some neighbourhood jewellers.
If u r visiting HK, make good use of the Summer sale there, as they have many trendy jewellers as well as traditional ones like LiuFu, ZhouShenShen, XiaRuiLing. I customised my white gold Cartier-lookalike wedding band in HK for only S$200+.
Where u buy ur Dafang SDJ depends one what u want. Diamonds? Yellow gold? White gold? Platinum? Other gems like pearls/rubies/sapphire? For me, i picked plain diamonds with no fanciful designs, i.e. single studs for earrings, single diamond pendant, diamond tennis bracelet, like this pattern:
o-o-o-o-o-o
black_monster
New Member
hi wendyl,
If ur IL gives u SDJ during GDL... dun need to wear them to ur IL home. E main purpose is to show to ur relatives how much ur ILs treasure u... tat's y, u onli need to wear them be going back to ur mum plc for e tea ceremony.
U will wear ur SDJ as well as all e jelwery ur FH relatives gives u during e tea ceremony...
U can wear a Kua b4 goin to ur mum plc as kua is e onli customs tat allow u to wear many pcs of jewelry at e same time & dun look too "op bi"
If ur IL gives u SDJ during GDL... dun need to wear them to ur IL home. E main purpose is to show to ur relatives how much ur ILs treasure u... tat's y, u onli need to wear them be going back to ur mum plc for e tea ceremony.
U will wear ur SDJ as well as all e jelwery ur FH relatives gives u during e tea ceremony...
U can wear a Kua b4 goin to ur mum plc as kua is e onli customs tat allow u to wear many pcs of jewelry at e same time & dun look too "op bi"
my mil gave us the si dian jin during guo da li. so i didn't wear it on the actual day. also, it was really the yellow gold type - don't think i'll wear it until i'm like really old. heh...
my mom also gave me a set of jewellery for jia juang - white gold with little diamonds. i wore the bracelet & ear-rings with my wedding gown.
my mom also gave me a set of jewellery for jia juang - white gold with little diamonds. i wore the bracelet & ear-rings with my wedding gown.
Hi wendyl
Black monster is correct. SDJ is given during your GDL, not tea ceremony. But u r expected to wear them during the tea ceremony to show that u appreciate your IL's presents and your ILs also expect u to show to their's side relatives what they have bought for u. That was the only reason why I wore my SDJ. Of course, like Black monster said, the other purpose is for your OWN relatives to see what ur IL have bought for u.
However, given that our OWN parents are usually more 'chinchai', most brides just bochap and remove those SDJ off when they reach their NiangJia (own house). My maternal relatives just gave me the jewwellery and didn't demand that I put them on, thank God!
Black monster is correct. SDJ is given during your GDL, not tea ceremony. But u r expected to wear them during the tea ceremony to show that u appreciate your IL's presents and your ILs also expect u to show to their's side relatives what they have bought for u. That was the only reason why I wore my SDJ. Of course, like Black monster said, the other purpose is for your OWN relatives to see what ur IL have bought for u.
However, given that our OWN parents are usually more 'chinchai', most brides just bochap and remove those SDJ off when they reach their NiangJia (own house). My maternal relatives just gave me the jewwellery and didn't demand that I put them on, thank God!
wendyl,
not to confuse u. I suggest u ask ur MIL and ur mum abt it. Cos diff pple have diff expectation.
Ur MIL may want u to wear them to show it to the relatives or just display them on ur bed to show the relatives and not necessary to wear them.
Do u have ur own hse now? Normally after GDL, SDJ will be given to u. Once GDL is over, u can bring the SDJ to ur new house (if u do not need to wear them on the actual day but just to displace them)
Well, if u are intend to wear all of them, make sure u have alot of bodyguard ard u. Cos u are the more valueable that day!!
not to confuse u. I suggest u ask ur MIL and ur mum abt it. Cos diff pple have diff expectation.
Ur MIL may want u to wear them to show it to the relatives or just display them on ur bed to show the relatives and not necessary to wear them.
Do u have ur own hse now? Normally after GDL, SDJ will be given to u. Once GDL is over, u can bring the SDJ to ur new house (if u do not need to wear them on the actual day but just to displace them)
Well, if u are intend to wear all of them, make sure u have alot of bodyguard ard u. Cos u are the more valueable that day!!
wendyl,
not to confuse u. I suggest u ask ur MIL and ur mum abt it. Cos diff pple have diff expectation.
Ur MIL may want u to wear them to show it to the relatives or just display them on ur bed to show the relatives and not necessary to wear them.
Do u have ur own hse now? Normally after GDL, SDJ will be given to u. Once GDL is over, u can bring the SDJ to ur new house (if u do not need to wear them on the actual day but just to displace them)
Well, if u are intend to wear all of them, make sure u have alot of bodyguard ard u. Cos u are the more valueable that day!!
not to confuse u. I suggest u ask ur MIL and ur mum abt it. Cos diff pple have diff expectation.
Ur MIL may want u to wear them to show it to the relatives or just display them on ur bed to show the relatives and not necessary to wear them.
Do u have ur own hse now? Normally after GDL, SDJ will be given to u. Once GDL is over, u can bring the SDJ to ur new house (if u do not need to wear them on the actual day but just to displace them)
Well, if u are intend to wear all of them, make sure u have alot of bodyguard ard u. Cos u are the more valueable that day!!