"si dian jin (四点金)"
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curious btb
Guest
Hi Orchid, kk and naturally,
Thanks for yr kind advice. I am quite caught in between. Was thinking of getting her to go shopping with me but i am pretty sure that she likes gold-gold over white gold so i am worried that if i end up choosing something i like, she might get offended because her budget is overdrawn so i am still in 2 minds abt the whole thing. Maybe I will ask FH on his opinion cos he knows his mother best and i don't want my mil to think that i am a money grubber.
Thanks for yr kind advice. I am quite caught in between. Was thinking of getting her to go shopping with me but i am pretty sure that she likes gold-gold over white gold so i am worried that if i end up choosing something i like, she might get offended because her budget is overdrawn so i am still in 2 minds abt the whole thing. Maybe I will ask FH on his opinion cos he knows his mother best and i don't want my mil to think that i am a money grubber.
K
kk
Guest
curious btb,
bringing mil to shop for si dian jin is a good idea. Hopefully it works for u! Haha... just dun end up having hidden bad feelings about it
Hey, u never know. For my ROM, my mil actually bought some simple white gold for me. She say youngsters nowadays all prefer white gold, so she get white gold for me. So maybe ur mil won't get gold gold for u lor They can be quite "in" sometimes
Hmm...actually what u say make sense too. I still feel that it is better to talk and discuss first, before going shopping together. Who knows, she might get a shock of her life when u chose something not within her budget! Ur husband may be sandwiched between as a result
bringing mil to shop for si dian jin is a good idea. Hopefully it works for u! Haha... just dun end up having hidden bad feelings about it
Hey, u never know. For my ROM, my mil actually bought some simple white gold for me. She say youngsters nowadays all prefer white gold, so she get white gold for me. So maybe ur mil won't get gold gold for u lor
They can be quite "in" sometimes
Hmm...actually what u say make sense too. I still feel that it is better to talk and discuss first, before going shopping together. Who knows, she might get a shock of her life when u chose something not within her budget! Ur husband may be sandwiched between as a result
Hi all!
Orchid, hehee! misunderstanding lah....
kk, your mil is so nice!
Curious BTB,
Another suggestion, why not check out the prices at various jewellers beforehand? Then bring her to your preferred shop and just choose the pieces (your pre-selected) close to her budget.... then u won't risk accidentally picking expensive ones in front of her, and offend her.....
if u really hate gold-gold, can choose a shop that sells more white gold pieces? I'm quite sure u can get something nice within the budget! Happy shopping!
Orchid, hehee! misunderstanding lah....
kk, your mil is so nice!
Curious BTB,
Another suggestion, why not check out the prices at various jewellers beforehand? Then bring her to your preferred shop and just choose the pieces (your pre-selected) close to her budget.... then u won't risk accidentally picking expensive ones in front of her, and offend her.....
if u really hate gold-gold, can choose a shop that sells more white gold pieces? I'm quite sure u can get something nice within the budget! Happy shopping!
btw, hope u gals dun mix up "si dian jin" and "pin jin".
when we get tables from the male family, than the pin jin can take less.
for si dian jin, it's, like what <FONT COLOR="ff6000">naturally</FONT> mentioned, a gesture to welcome u to the family... thus is solely up to ur MIL to give.. but then.. there's always a BUT.. those who've got "open minded" MILs can surely discuss the amt with them..
i dun think "top-up" will give the impression that u find the amt "not enuff". i think with proper explanation, both sides will be happy.. definitely our MIL won't want us to (keep to amt she can comfortably come up with) buy something which we won't wear in future. than it'll be a waste and defeat the purpose.
for my case, MIL is m'sian, so she'll be giving me ringgit (according to hubby). how much, i dunno. but i told hubby to tell MIL not to worry, juz give whatever she's comfortable, then i'll "top up" whatever amt needed. like that, she won't need to stress to come up with a big amt, and i dun need to stress that i can't find anything within the buget.. both sides are happy...
but then, i'll prob hv to get something from M'sia (with the ringgit MIL giving me), and the rest in S'pore...
when we get tables from the male family, than the pin jin can take less.
for si dian jin, it's, like what <FONT COLOR="ff6000">naturally</FONT> mentioned, a gesture to welcome u to the family... thus is solely up to ur MIL to give.. but then.. there's always a BUT.. those who've got "open minded" MILs can surely discuss the amt with them..
i dun think "top-up" will give the impression that u find the amt "not enuff". i think with proper explanation, both sides will be happy.. definitely our MIL won't want us to (keep to amt she can comfortably come up with) buy something which we won't wear in future. than it'll be a waste and defeat the purpose.
for my case, MIL is m'sian, so she'll be giving me ringgit (according to hubby). how much, i dunno. but i told hubby to tell MIL not to worry, juz give whatever she's comfortable, then i'll "top up" whatever amt needed. like that, she won't need to stress to come up with a big amt, and i dun need to stress that i can't find anything within the buget.. both sides are happy...
hi all!
heehee... i think i've complicated things myself, think and worry too much lah... maybe i've been reading too much of the thread on MIL vs DIL war, really scared i'll accidentally sour relations with my MIL, somemore my FH is her only son... so better to be cautious right from the start....
But angelia has a point there, must have good proper explanations both sides.... problem is my command of Hokkien is lousy, while my mil speaks only halting mandarin, and my FH sometimes lazy to act as our translator.... come to think of it, it's quite comical, like chicken and duck talk... ha!
Think i've gone off-track.... anyway, i suppose communication is still the best route to doing things, unless u also have my chicken-duck problem, haha! Then have to make double efforts to ensure the msg really gets thru...
heehee... i think i've complicated things myself, think and worry too much lah... maybe i've been reading too much of the thread on MIL vs DIL war, really scared i'll accidentally sour relations with my MIL, somemore my FH is her only son... so better to be cautious right from the start....
But angelia has a point there, must have good proper explanations both sides.... problem is my command of Hokkien is lousy, while my mil speaks only halting mandarin, and my FH sometimes lazy to act as our translator.... come to think of it, it's quite comical, like chicken and duck talk... ha!
Think i've gone off-track.... anyway, i suppose communication is still the best route to doing things, unless u also have my chicken-duck problem, haha! Then have to make double efforts to ensure the msg really gets thru...
<FONT COLOR="aa00aa">thedevil,</FONT>
no, no, no.. i hvn't got the si dian jin from my MIL. the si dian jin will hv to be delivered together during the guo da li, but guess it's good to start looking around and compare prices early.
<FONT COLOR="aa00aa">naturally,</FONT>
i oso dun talk to my MIL much (cos she so far away, hehe) so, i juz convey the msg ("i need si dian jin, pls let ur mum noe. the amt doesn't matter, juz come up with what she's comfortable, than i'll/we'll subsidise the rest") to hubby and he'll tell her when he calls his mum...
i always emphasize the "amt she's comfortable with" and "i'll subsidize" when i bring this up to hubby.. in case when the msg reach MIL "distorted" and MIL tot i so greedy!!
no, no, no.. i hvn't got the si dian jin from my MIL. the si dian jin will hv to be delivered together during the guo da li, but guess it's good to start looking around and compare prices early.
<FONT COLOR="aa00aa">naturally,</FONT>
i oso dun talk to my MIL much (cos she so far away, hehe) so, i juz convey the msg ("i need si dian jin, pls let ur mum noe. the amt doesn't matter, juz come up with what she's comfortable, than i'll/we'll subsidise the rest") to hubby and he'll tell her when he calls his mum...
Y
yi
Guest
Hi Gers,
Will like to check when shall we start to buy the si dian jin hah?
Will like to check when shall we start to buy the si dian jin hah?
L
lazarre
Guest
I'd like to get your opinion:
My Parents in Law are paying for the wedding banquet, PLUS they paid for the 20% downpayment for my condo. Not to mention the 30% downpayment for the car ....
Do you think it's too much of me to hope to get si dian jin?
They're quite well off, but they're humble and thrifty.
Give me your opinions pls.
My Parents in Law are paying for the wedding banquet, PLUS they paid for the 20% downpayment for my condo. Not to mention the 30% downpayment for the car ....
Do you think it's too much of me to hope to get si dian jin?
They're quite well off, but they're humble and thrifty.
Give me your opinions pls.
Hi Lazarre,
Wouldn't that depend on how traditional your PIL and your parents are? If they are and they believe in si dian jin, sure, I don't think it would be too much to hope for them. Otherwise, I think they have already contributed quite a bit financially. No harm hoping but don't ask lah! Just my opinion...
Wouldn't that depend on how traditional your PIL and your parents are? If they are and they believe in si dian jin, sure, I don't think it would be too much to hope for them. Otherwise, I think they have already contributed quite a bit financially. No harm hoping but don't ask lah! Just my opinion...
HI ANGELIA,
thanks for yr advice...i was confused n din dare ask my mum abt it coz she think its not my FMIL obligation to get me si dian jin n told me I cant ask for it. As for my FMIL, its not vry nice either to ask her…so thanks again.
Hi Lazarre,
We are in the same situation….my FPIL will be paying for the banquet, paid 20% on our condo (most prob. paying the rest of the condo as well coz we definitely cant afford it) n my FH car was bought using money given to him from his parents….. I m quite sure my FMIL will gif me si dian jin as my FH’s SIL got hers n she told me FMIL told her tt she’s going to bring me get mine when we are free but didn’t say when. From wat u say, I think yr FPIL are nice to u n FH, so I think FMIL will wan to give u some jewelry as a token…they don’t hv to b si dian ji…my friend got hers but not as si dian jin coz she rather spend the budget on a pair of diamond earrings n a diamond tennis braclet. Since they hv given u so much… mayb u don’t ask for si dian jin, haha juz wait for them to offer.
thanks for yr advice...i was confused n din dare ask my mum abt it coz she think its not my FMIL obligation to get me si dian jin n told me I cant ask for it. As for my FMIL, its not vry nice either to ask her…so thanks again.
Hi Lazarre,
We are in the same situation….my FPIL will be paying for the banquet, paid 20% on our condo (most prob. paying the rest of the condo as well coz we definitely cant afford it) n my FH car was bought using money given to him from his parents….. I m quite sure my FMIL will gif me si dian jin as my FH’s SIL got hers n she told me FMIL told her tt she’s going to bring me get mine when we are free but didn’t say when. From wat u say, I think yr FPIL are nice to u n FH, so I think FMIL will wan to give u some jewelry as a token…they don’t hv to b si dian ji…my friend got hers but not as si dian jin coz she rather spend the budget on a pair of diamond earrings n a diamond tennis braclet. Since they hv given u so much… mayb u don’t ask for si dian jin, haha juz wait for them to offer.
L
lazarre
Guest
Thank you so much for your opinions!
I was thinking along those lines also.
Afterall that my PILs have done for my husband & i, i'm also quite shy to ask for si dian jin.
Maybe just wait and see,
if they give, then its a bonus lah!
I guess i cannot ask for too much eh?
I was thinking along those lines also.
Afterall that my PILs have done for my husband & i, i'm also quite shy to ask for si dian jin.
Maybe just wait and see,
if they give, then its a bonus lah!
I guess i cannot ask for too much eh?
K
kk
Guest
Shy,
as what angelia has mentioned, si dian jin is different from pin jin. Actually, pin jin is passed down from traditions. So more or less, u will get some pin jin i supposed. But not necessary for si dian jin. Si dian jin was only for certain dialect groups. Just that in the new age, pple have adopted custom from all other dialect groups as well, so si dian jin become a norm too.
as what angelia has mentioned, si dian jin is different from pin jin. Actually, pin jin is passed down from traditions. So more or less, u will get some pin jin i supposed. But not necessary for si dian jin. Si dian jin was only for certain dialect groups. Just that in the new age, pple have adopted custom from all other dialect groups as well, so si dian jin become a norm too.
S
sdj
Guest
hi tinkle,
from what i understand, si dian jin is given by the man's parents to the lady. Can't remember what's pin jin tho...sorry
from what i understand, si dian jin is given by the man's parents to the lady. Can't remember what's pin jin tho...sorry
J
june02bride
Guest
hi
pin jin is $$$ yr hubby will give yr mum during guo da li, usually yr mum will keep a portion and rtn the rest, or if she is not getting any tables fm yr hubby, then she take all the pin jin.
pin jin is $$$ yr hubby will give yr mum during guo da li, usually yr mum will keep a portion and rtn the rest, or if she is not getting any tables fm yr hubby, then she take all the pin jin.
D
ds
Guest
hi gals,
kindly advise si dian jin is it definetely muz be in gold???? can it b in white gold instead??? cos i dun like gold...even if my MIL buy for me i oso wont wear so Y waste the $$$$$
kindly advise si dian jin is it definetely muz be in gold???? can it b in white gold instead??? cos i dun like gold...even if my MIL buy for me i oso wont wear so Y waste the $$$$$
hi....me same thinking as you.
But my aunties say that buy yellow gold for weddings for good luck. Even the fortune teller says so. So, you don't wear it, just get a simple gold set, something not too expensive, just for souvenior. My future MIL understands cuz she herself has got 2 daughters who thinks the same as me =-) She says dun wear never mind, she will buy additional diamond earrings, as well as a bracelet for me on top of this gold si dian jin set.
But my aunties say that buy yellow gold for weddings for good luck. Even the fortune teller says so. So, you don't wear it, just get a simple gold set, something not too expensive, just for souvenior. My future MIL understands cuz she herself has got 2 daughters who thinks the same as me =-) She says dun wear never mind, she will buy additional diamond earrings, as well as a bracelet for me on top of this gold si dian jin set.
Si Dian Jin ARE supposed to be in Gold. White Gold in dialect = peh jin...Sounds like the $$ you give in funerals...so not good symbol for wedding. Some modern MILs will ask their DILs to choose. Some not.
My advise is IF she insist, then buy something more contemporary. I got a gold and white gold bracelet from Tianpo which all my frens say nice for a gold piece... If not then chose something which you later can plate to white gold in the future. (But risk MIL asking:"eh? Where is the set I bought for you??"
If not, just keep it for memories sake lor...During the tea ceremony received a lot of gold too....thinking of exchanging them for other pieces... but think do like like very chek arh....
My advise is IF she insist, then buy something more contemporary. I got a gold and white gold bracelet from Tianpo which all my frens say nice for a gold piece... If not then chose something which you later can plate to white gold in the future. (But risk MIL asking:"eh? Where is the set I bought for you??"
If not, just keep it for memories sake lor...During the tea ceremony received a lot of gold too....thinking of exchanging them for other pieces...
but think do like like very chek arh....hi all,
my mil didnt give mi ANYTHING during our wedding.we didnt even hv formal tea cernmony.my mum sd she suppose to give mi something even though she had stroke,can ask the daughter or son to buy.but my sil did buy mi a daimond earrings as compensation.as she know i wanted to collect a set,comprises of earring,ring,braclet,necklace.
wat do u all think?
my mil didnt give mi ANYTHING during our wedding.we didnt even hv formal tea cernmony.my mum sd she suppose to give mi something even though she had stroke,can ask the daughter or son to buy.but my sil did buy mi a daimond earrings as compensation.as she know i wanted to collect a set,comprises of earring,ring,braclet,necklace.
wat do u all think?
I think the key thing is our perspective, think on the bright side.
For those of us who got gold gold, be appreciative that our MILs bothered to show the gesture, smile and be happy!
For those of us who got nothing, think of what a waste it'd be if you'd gotten a white elephant you'll never be caught dead wearing! Smile and be happy!
For those of us who got white gold, diamonds, smile and be happy!
=)
For those of us who got gold gold, be appreciative that our MILs bothered to show the gesture, smile and be happy!
For those of us who got nothing, think of what a waste it'd be if you'd gotten a white elephant you'll never be caught dead wearing! Smile and be happy!
For those of us who got white gold, diamonds, smile and be happy!
=)
D
ds
Guest
For my case whether gold or white gold is still paid by my hubby.... but it act as though fr my MIL...so sad rite....
I don't think it's sad. Cheer up, it's common that the couple foots the expenses these days. In the past even the banquet was paid for by the groom's father, these days it's not the case anymore. If we can foot the banquet bills already, what's a bit more money for the si dian jin, right?
Hi, found out that you can actually bring your yellow gold to the jewellers and have them polished to white gold. that was a good news that i found when i was selecting earrings. My mom gave me a set of white gold diamond jewellery as a jia-zhuang. there was no white gold earrings that matched and the design that i liked was only available in yellow gold. the lady told me that she could have it polished in white. it took only abt 10-15 min. then she showed me a ring that she was wearing (very fashionable) and said that it was originally yellow gold and hse got it polished white.
you can do the reverse for white gold and polish it yellow gold.
you can do the reverse for white gold and polish it yellow gold.
Actually think of it this way. Why do we assume that we have si dian jin when maybe in the first place our mums didn't ask? We dun need them to buy for us. If we want, we can buy ourselves mah..
We also must think abt the financial situation in which our MILs are in also.
If we talk about traditional, by right only Teochews brides demand for si dian jin.
So like weiwei says, have anything, thank god we have something. Nothing given to us, thank god we dun have to find a place to store.
We also must think abt the financial situation in which our MILs are in also.
If we talk about traditional, by right only Teochews brides demand for si dian jin.
So like weiwei says, have anything, thank god we have something. Nothing given to us, thank god we dun have to find a place to store.
O
ohno
Guest
<FONT COLOR="ff6000">Hi Lin</FONT>
U can try Tianpo and Poh Heng if u r buying gold. They also sell in sets: necklace, bracelet and earrings. If u r intending to trade in your si dian jin in the near future, look for all gold rather than mixture of gold and white gold. All gold will definitely have a higher trade in value than mixture, not sure of the price difference though.
U can try Tianpo and Poh Heng if u r buying gold. They also sell in sets: necklace, bracelet and earrings. If u r intending to trade in your si dian jin in the near future, look for all gold rather than mixture of gold and white gold. All gold will definitely have a higher trade in value than mixture, not sure of the price difference though.
Hi gals,
Me just went shopping for jewellery over the wkend, 7788 alrdy. Bought all white gold/diamond jewellery instead of gold....okie rite? A set fr my f'ly as dowry n a set fr guy's side as Si Dian Jin.
Si Dian Jin shld b presented to girl's f'ly durin Guo Da Li. Wat about dowry?
Me just went shopping for jewellery over the wkend, 7788 alrdy. Bought all white gold/diamond jewellery instead of gold....okie rite? A set fr my f'ly as dowry n a set fr guy's side as Si Dian Jin.
Si Dian Jin shld b presented to girl's f'ly durin Guo Da Li. Wat about dowry?
O
ohno
Guest
<FONT COLOR="ff6000">Vodka</FONT>
dowry will be on Guo Da Li too.
<FONT COLOR="ff6000">agnes</FONT>
what is your dialect group?
dowry will be on Guo Da Li too.
<FONT COLOR="ff6000">agnes</FONT>
what is your dialect group?
O
ohno
Guest
<FONT COLOR="ff6000">agnes</FONT>
then your in-laws will be giving u 2 gold bangles since u're a hokkien lor. It'll be quite a sensitive subject whether to ask them for si dian jin too...
.
then your in-laws will be giving u 2 gold bangles since u're a hokkien lor. It'll be quite a sensitive subject whether to ask them for si dian jin too...
<FONT COLOR="aa00aa">agnes,</FONT>
if ur brother's WTB is teochew, then she can ask for si dian jin.. but she cannot "specify" she wants diamond or whatsoever.. it's up to ur mum to get the si dian jin for her.
custom is: yellow gold
BUT, if ur mum dun mind, then can give her diamonds lor
if ur brother's WTB is teochew, then she can ask for si dian jin.. but she cannot "specify" she wants diamond or whatsoever.. it's up to ur mum to get the si dian jin for her.
custom is: yellow gold
BUT, if ur mum dun mind, then can give her diamonds lor
<FONT COLOR="0077aa">jazz</FONT>:
As mentioned by <FONT COLOR="ff0000">angelia</FONT> "si dian jin" is a teochew custom, however, its a very common term that ppl use nowadays as a refrence for the gold/jewellery that ur MIL will buy for u for the wedding.
It need not necessary be 4 pieces in total, ppl are quite flexible and they usually mix and match. And again, this will of cos depends on ur MIL's finances on how much she planning to spend on the jewellery for u.
Its kind of like a custom for the MILs to buy jewellery for new DIL, again, do remember that this is a token from ur MIL, so dun expect that she has to buy the full set for u. Its more a toekn to welcome you into the family.
As mentioned by <FONT COLOR="ff0000">angelia</FONT> "si dian jin" is a teochew custom, however, its a very common term that ppl use nowadays as a refrence for the gold/jewellery that ur MIL will buy for u for the wedding.
It need not necessary be 4 pieces in total, ppl are quite flexible and they usually mix and match. And again, this will of cos depends on ur MIL's finances on how much she planning to spend on the jewellery for u.
Its kind of like a custom for the MILs to buy jewellery for new DIL, again, do remember that this is a token from ur MIL, so dun expect that she has to buy the full set for u. Its more a toekn to welcome you into the family.
J
jan03
Guest
Hi gals,
is there a "market rate" for "pin jin"(bride price??) My MIL asked me how much to give. She has already bought me the si dian jin. My mum on the other hand said any amount for pin jin will do. My mum is only getting 4 tables of angpows from the wedding dinner as my in-laws have a lot of friends and relatives to invite. Should we get more "pin jin" in this case? Quite stressed over such things cos we have no idea how to do it.
is there a "market rate" for "pin jin"(bride price??) My MIL asked me how much to give. She has already bought me the si dian jin. My mum on the other hand said any amount for pin jin will do. My mum is only getting 4 tables of angpows from the wedding dinner as my in-laws have a lot of friends and relatives to invite. Should we get more "pin jin" in this case? Quite stressed over such things cos we have no idea how to do it.
Hi curious,
It really depends on ure MIL. In my case, my MIL just gave us a budget 2 buy whatever i wanted for the si dian jin. She didn't even go with us for the selection. She's q chin chai abt such things. However there will be some parents (perhaps even on the girl's side) who wld insist on buying yellow gold instead, and of coz some may even pick it out for you w/o your input. You'll probably need to discuss this with your MIL and see what she thinks.
It really depends on ure MIL. In my case, my MIL just gave us a budget 2 buy whatever i wanted for the si dian jin. She didn't even go with us for the selection. She's q chin chai abt such things. However there will be some parents (perhaps even on the girl's side) who wld insist on buying yellow gold instead, and of coz some may even pick it out for you w/o your input. You'll probably need to discuss this with your MIL and see what she thinks.
Hi starfruit & poky,
Thanks for the explanation. It did help to clear up my confusion!
Sorry, one more question, what is a "pin jin" for? For us, both my hubby & I are paying for my banquet ourselves. So do we need to get something for my mum to make up for the tables or something like that?
Thanks for the explanation. It did help to clear up my confusion!
Sorry, one more question, what is a "pin jin" for? For us, both my hubby & I are paying for my banquet ourselves. So do we need to get something for my mum to make up for the tables or something like that?