Royally played out

powderful07

New Member
13yee,

You're not looking for answers to your problems...

You're just looking for support to your predicament...for people to pity you; for people to tell you you're right, for people to tell you that you should carry on salvaging that marriage...

THAT...is what you're looking for...
 


powderful07

New Member
Haiz...13yee...

When I said "we need to work on our langugae skills" ...It meant US...ME! not you...

Why?
Cos your brother and me virtually said the same things, in the same harsh tones and yet you're ok with him and I got branded as a "bully"

Thus...I need to brush up MY LANGUAGE SKILLS...
Not you! It was meant to be sarcastic...

Do you get it?

And please lor...given that lengthy and dramatic incident by incident posts that you posted back then...Don't you think we understand what you are going through...

If I may go on to elaborate...I think you went into TOO MUCH DETAILS...That pretty much sums up what kinda person you are as well....
 

powder

Active Member
another thing i'd like to point out... u might be getting too used to being follower such tat when u lose your leader, u feel lost, so u go around in circles or stay at the same place...

u have to be careful... becos Life doesn't wait for any one of us, it will simply keep moving... before we know it - our hairs are grey, our limbs are weak and we take 2hrs just to get from A to B...

what u need isn't empathy, it's fear of reality... tat is more likely to spur action, whilst empathy though nice to feel - will delay the eventual... excessive empathy is as much a form of Escapism for the afflicted. i've seen many stuck at the same place becos they keep seeking empathy... avoiding the harsh realities...

so whilst u might think your hubby is escaping, u might like to assess if u are doing the same by wanting to stay a half-marriage where he no longer wants to put in effort. u might end up with a hollow shell if u persist... we all take our wedding vows seriously, but that condition is only possible if the marriage is made up of Two persons... when it is made up of just one, it's much akin to a wife who stopped living when her husband dies, and just waits for his return for the remainder of her life. unfortunately, the dead dun return. the wait is futile, the state is futile, Life becomes futile...

at 28, u have way too much to live for... dun let it stop u from living Your life. u can be a Leader and create your own path til such time u find a partner willing to walk WITH u, and not just Lead u.
 

clipperjunk

New Member
i read the previous thread but stayed out because i thought it got too ugly...to those who are here to antagonise her, please let her be, this is a forum, it's supposed to be open and public, if you so despised her, then stay out...

apparently she has issues, whether she is in denial or just whining that's no cause for anyone to be impolite...it's easy to be typing in comfort and quite another to work through in real life...best wishes to you yee...hope you sort your life out soon....
 

pyrohazaard

New Member
Hi 13_yee,

You are indeed a very sentimental and sensitive person to still think so much in his point of view after all he has done to you, but it is worth it?

This man thinks nothing of breaking his vows to you. Your vows to him, which you hold so dear, what do you think they mean to him?

He keeps you in limbo, cherishing you one moment and treating you like dirt the next, do you think you'll be able to live the rest of your life this way?

You have to understand that letting go of your vows to him does not make you a horrible person. You and only you have the ability to set yourself free from him.

Take care and good luck, I do hope you get out of this vicious cycle of yours someday.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
hi 13_yee,

after these weeks that u have dwell on your husband's negativity. Reflect and ponder over what has it really achieved?

And then, think by continuing with it, what do u see to achieve? At the moment, there are far more important issues. Bread and butter ones. Stop dwelling on how wrong and/or mean he is and wake up to real serious issues here. I cannot understand why he would quit his job and continue to remain in Korea and you continue typing away here. Its really time to get down to planning on what's next. He has initiated divorce. What's your plan? The debt you lament about will only snowball everyday that you do not act upon it.

The 'royal playout' isn't exactly a one sided thing. u spoke of your husband as an escapist while u stopped your MBA without thinking about its consequences nor have any intention to be accountable for. Do you not realize the blaring double standards. I'm a seeing a direct match. Both u and your partner have displayed the same traits of running from reality. But, you clearly do not see your own part of it.

No one is here to judge. But, I'm pointing this out simply because I see the contradiction here. So, this might be something to think about.
 

13yee

New Member
my brother hammers me because he knows the whole story. and he knows my husband. what you know is described in words, which may easily be misconstrued. didn't you just ask me to improve my language?
 

13yee

New Member
the husband i do have is the epitome of what you'd call an escape artist. excuses from him are abundant when asked.

I never asked for pity. I am stating facts as they appear to me. And the only reason why i do so is because there are men here and possibly men of equal characrter to him for me to see his point which I don't or for which I so disagree with.

I did not come here to be belittled, rebuked, condemed and proven so wrong. I think I do know assholes who do that in a more courteous manner.

BUt the point being, I love this guy, hence I put my life in his hands to trust and love him. While the people telling me to leave him probably do not see the importance I see a vow to be. Yes I should leave him, but give me time.... all I ask for is a life of my own, but constantly, because of the 'regulars' we are shortchanged of time to think and to decide which ever move is best, because thier godly advice seeminly always proves right
 

pyrohazaard

New Member
13_yee,

you don't have to focus on the negativity that you perceieve here. The fact that you keep fighting back is perhaps somehow at the back of your mind, you do know what some forumers have siggested is true, but because of you driving yourself in a corner with your thinking, you keep trying to refute it.

You keep saying your vows are important. Here's the question, how important are your vows when the other party does not reciprocate? Are you going to be desperately holding on to something that is falling apart all because of your vows which by the way means NOTHING to this man?

The man that you have fallen in love with is no longer here. He has become a tormentor to you. Only when you acknowledge this fact then you can move on.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
While u spoke of how important the vows is, you too shared about how you tried so hard to be 'politically correct' when at home with him. Its really pointless to keep saying how seriously u take those vows when what you did in the days in Korea isn't helping improve things but engage in many childish little daily fights with your not too mature husband. In the nutshell, it takes 2 to tango. I don't see the issues to be from a single a source. Its a combination of issues that has snowball to the current situation.

I still do not comprehen why you choose to continue your long arguements with powderful and basically ignored many pointers given by so many others. Focus on your issues and your next plan instead of endless arguements on how right u r and wrong everyone else are.

On a personal note, reading how you choose to react in all the messages does suggest clues on how your relationship and marriage have come to the point it is today. This is only a suggestion, but not a baseless one. It is based on the character make up from what one can read from this forum.
 

powderful07

New Member
Vows vows vows...Funny isnt it...

Like what Milo have said and which I agreed. It's only meaningful if BOTH parties believed in it...for better or for worse...TOGETHER...

Not one sided...and especially not when the other party becomes a source of misery to you...
There's a fine line between faithful to your vows and blindly clinging on to false hope...

13yee, I'm sorry to say this...
You have a slight character flaw, which I have somehow deduced from your posts so far...
You are so focused on harping on irrelevant and insignificant issues that you lost the entire plot...Your mind is so pre-occupied with all the nitty gritty details and how wronged you are by other people that you have lost your perspective...

People here are providing you with THAT perspective...on what needs to be done...
And you slapped us back by telling us we don't understand how you feel and that our advice sucks...

So what do you want? Seriously?

What makes you any different from that husband of yours if you are still unwilling to face up to your problems? You were escaping from reality a few months ago and you're still escaping now...How much time do you need to dwell in it more before you sunk too deep?...

I'm going to refrain from posting here again...
Apparently, I seems to be doing more damages to you in your current condition.

All the best.
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
"Apparently, I seems to be doing more damages to you in your current condition"

Powderful, what took u this long to realize. There are many ways to offer advise. And your style isn't exactly going through with 13yee. Either u change your style or its actually not going to work at all. i.e. u r wasting your breath and contributing in triggering her anger and making this a hostile thread AGAIN.

None of us can stop another from voicing out. Neither can I. But, I would still feedback that whatever good intentions and message you have, it doesn't necessary gets appreciated nor driven down to the intended parties. And when it gets all nasty, does it serve the objective afterall?

I'm not faulting the intent but the execution is going to be hard to swallow. Some of your points could be valid but some assumptions taken could be wrong too. It will work for some and wake up their ideas. But, not necessary appropriate to one that is as stubborn (like you).
 

powderful07

New Member
Milo,

Agreed. I'll let the more patient ones follow up with her. I recognise that she don't need people to tell her what to do now. It's assurance that she needs and I sucked big time at that.

I belong to the same category as her brother.
Not much help I'm going to be.

Personally, IF I was her friend; I would still behave in the same way.
Damage or no damage; I feel that's the best way to deal with a person with a personality like that in a situation like this. So far, I have yet to lose a friend that way and so far; they have moved on in their life a happier person after listening to me. I can live with what I preach. Be it harsh or not.

From a medical perspective, would you treat a patient with advanced cancer with medication or would you treat it immediately with chemotherapy?
Maybe she prefer the medicine option...but the question is...will it cure the cancer?
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
Either way, u cannot force any treatment. Its really a lose-lose scenario. She doesn't appreciate, the threads get hostile and everyone is lost in the long exchanges and blows.

Anyway, since the previous thread. She hardly even respond to me directly. Most of the direct answers are to you.
happy.gif
Perhaps, my points didn't give her much areas to argue and defend? My guess.

Whatever, I just voice out the blaring points even if she isn't receiptive and let it be. No need to go into lengthy disagreements with the poster.
 

powderful07

New Member
Haha...apologies lah...
Most of my posts are meant to provoke a response.
That's my style.

I'm ok if she wasn't receptive...
But she came back again with the SAME story as last time...To me, I just see it as a vicious cycle all over again...To me, it's a waste of her time and a waste of our (maybe only mine...) time...

I'll shut my trap now...
 

saggitarian

New Member
newbie speaking here ...

powderful .. u really sux ..

"Posted on Monday, December 15, 2008 - 4:35 pm:

I'll leave it to you people to carry on..."

Posted on Monday, December 15, 2008 - 5:49 pm: !@#$%^&*()(*&^%$#@!"

you can only sit quietly for 1 hr ?? lol ...




to the 13yeeeeeee ....

i believe u dun need to worry about your debts, your husband or bush been thrown by shoes...

my advice to you is .. go and find a way . to wake yourself up and ask yourself what you wan to gain, experience or acheive in this life journey.

it seems to me that you have fallen the trap of singapore education . to study to study . but u dunno what u studying for ? ... a guy can make u quit your mba ? your degrees ? your job ? .. so actually in Pri sch .. the compo that you write should be i wan to be a housewife when i grow old ?

NOTE : i am not saying its not gd to be a housewifes.. so housewifes out there please dun kill me for this.. i am trying to say is .. it doesnt mean been a housewife will carry out your wedding vows effectively.

and do you know something ? ... i SAY SORRY FIRST ! ... but i strongly believe that you have SM fetish in you. i presume you are so angry with powderful as you have no feelings or connections with him . but your brother and husband .. base on your account . you seem to love been ill treated so long they are happy ..

Newbie cannot type too long .. this time my turn to wait for replies .. those who dun agree to my SM views on her . den i shall bring out EVIDENCE . to support my judgement.
 

powderful07

New Member
qwerty...

1 hour not good enuff arh?
By my standards, that's displaying good patience already...

And hor...I'll leave it to you people to carry on DOESN'T mean that I can't "chup" one leg in later rite?

:p
 

latino

New Member
" ... but i strongly believe that you have SM fetish in you. i presume you are so angry with powderful as you have no feelings or connections with him . but your brother and husband .. base on your account . you seem to love been ill treated so long they are happy .. "

qwerty, i agree with the above statement...
 

alcifertoh

New Member
Hahaha what a way to phrase it. SM fetish sounds abit AV qwerty... I prefer to cal it the subconcious addiction to be abused. Sounds nicer lah. Like for some, they have to inflict the pain to themselves to feel alive.

They are just too lost to see it themselves and generally when others pointed it out, its kinda the "injured tiger" theory for me that because they are in pain then they will retaliate even more when you try to attend to the wound.
 

powder

Active Member
qwerty, that's astute and i absolutely agree with the sm thing, particularly the source from education... the lost of direction... i was wondering why u need to have an MBA to start when u already have double-degrees... i know where u're coming from.
 

hungrydog

New Member
13yee, think the rest are trying to help you by being logical..But understandbly you are definitely not ready for it as you are still hurt from it..hence the misunderstanding..

Maybe when you start to feel better, you just try to find a job early next year..try to solve a thing by a time.. And also try to keep your RS past to yourselves when the the interviewers asks abt the reasons why you have not been working..be less emotional as they would prefer a logical thinking person..Don't take it negatively, i know a hurt person tend to be more emotional..
 

powderful07

New Member
Err...ok...if you insist...

Lose that husband of yours...
Get a new job...forget about the MBA for the time being...why do you need it???
Spend the next 2 years building up your finances...repay your debt...
Gain some weight...
Try to change your tendency to dwell on every little minor issue...
And finally....TRY try try try to live a happy life...There's a lot of misery in your life which you have brought on to yourself...Don't let it happen again...


Oh, but then again...what do I know...I sucked at giving advice

Any peeps wanna add on?
 

kahlen

New Member
This is the typical kind of people where they wants u to listen and agree with them. I will never forget about your instant noodles drama in Korea months ago, acting damn pitiful, only have money to buy a cup of instant noodle and u are not eating, drinking only water everyday. Seeking hugs from all the people here then you deleted that thread. Now u come back with the same story again.

""I'm at this horrible situation and crossroads, no idea what I've done wrong to him, no idea if he had it all planned. I can't even find a proper word to describe my feelings, except I haven't eaten for a week, I only drink and take my medication and cry. ""

I'm surprise to know that u didn't collapse by drinking only medication and your tears. Damn drama.
 

simpleman

Active Member
powderful, my only advice for you is to ask you to f..k off. ha ha

basket.. say no more posting but kept posting
 

13yee

New Member
ok ok! i get it already alright? have no idea what this forum is for, to demean, condemn and piss people off. Now, I'm just waiting for the world's greatest procrastinator not to waste my next 5 months being stated as married to him. Draw up a resumè and keep my fingers crossed.

Anyone here (other than the mean ones) know who should file for divorce? He's the initiator, and he should right? but actually what's the difference?
 

powderful07

New Member
sm, she said she surrendered mah...and for me to say what I please...I'm just following instructions...


13yee...watch that attitude...you want people to help you and you start off by accusing people in this forum of demeaning, condemning and pissing you off?
Nice EQ...you must have lots of frens...

We have plenty of people here who can give advice on divorce proceedings...they're mean as well (sorry folks!)...
Have fun, mean folks...
 

powderful07

New Member
sm ,stop being mean...

You're out of the list of people who can advice her on divorce stuff...what a pity though...

You could have helped her a lot...well...too bad...
 

miloice

Well-Known Member
So far, u only want to accept one view point. i.e. yours. Any other view point is somehow demeaning. Frankly, do u know realize how many people you have pissed off? I find this amusing and ironic.

Your expectation of what a forum should be is not realistic. This forum is full of real people. They are not monsters or boggi men that pops out from your wardrobe to scare u. Neither are they out for your blood of something. So, u need to do some reality check here.
 

powderful07

New Member
Raving Rabbit sounds much cooler...I'll take that...

Can we go back to the Singles thread if we're going to make fun of me?
 

simpleman

Active Member
13 yee, there is no difference as to who file for divorce. And since he is the greatest procrastinator on earth, you should file it if you want to see results

powderful, who is saying I cannot give advice?
 

simpleman

Active Member
13 yee, even while you file for divorced.. on paper you are still married to your hb.. so be realistic - there is no instant divorce here.

What you can you do is really to touch up your resume - that is more practical and find a job.
 

powderful07

New Member
She said mean people shouldnt be advicing her on divorce proceedings...

I thought you belong to the "mean" gang...My bad...

On a more serious note, my bro is undergoing divorce as well...so might need to seek out advice from you and Laundry as well...Let's talk again when we meet up; if possible, this Friday.
 

simpleman

Active Member
13 yee,

it is easier if both of you agree. if both can agree on divorce .. i mean really want.. the reasons.. are they important that important?

Worst case, has to wait for the 3/4 years separation..
 

simpleman

Active Member
powderful,

if you want to consult on divorce.. doll is probably more expect..

technically I am NOT DIVORCED although i do have some knowledge myself.
 

simpleman

Active Member
13 yee,

to be very frank.. the people here are not mean.. the tone they used.. they responded to what you wrote.

like this si lang powderful.. in real life.. he is much more gentle..
 

powderful07

New Member
Sm, no one in this forum is even close to 30% as mean as me...let alone half...
You peeps need to buck up...

My brother's case is a lot more drama...
I think, in terms of seriousness, it's even more drama than 13yee...not kidding...

Ok, robbing this thread again...back to 13yee...
This time I'll take a temporary break and see how things develop for 13yee...

I swear...:p
 

13yee

New Member
wah lau separation 3/4 years!?! wasting my time ah, shit. get married 15 mins, $15, get out of marriage so tough....
 

powderful07

New Member
Si larn SM...

I find it a bit weird that you classify me as gentle...Me? Gentle?
Like what Latino always says...My bark is worse than my bite...

Woof woof...

ok ok, this time it's real...I swear...back to you, TS...
 



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