My bf's daugther........

[miloice]

For sure, there are some blur ones....
But, most of us have been dealing with a mother that plays such stupid tricks with us for all these yrs already.

Personally, I completely dislike having to live with another woman like this. With parents and in laws. We bo bian. I'm highly tolerant to such crap from them. But, not so for life partner. I will never choose a woman that thinks she is too clever to manipulate me.

 

[mrs_chew]

Mmmm...

My father is one. I know that sometimes, he acts blur like what you said but at certain times, he really blur lol.

 

[infojunkie]

doll, high 5!

 

[miloice]

enough about albee lah. Don't be mean.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Milo, we said "might be", never say "is". Where got mean?

 

[miloice]

the suggestion is mean one.

 

[simpleman]

Humans are complex.

Between manipulative and high-EQ-influencing - it is just a thin line.

The difference - manipulative people just not smart enough to cover their tracks.

High-EQ-influencing people can "manipulate" without other people knowing.

they get the result that they want.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi Lynn,

What are you going to do if after all the DRAMA, DARMA and your BF doesn't marry you?

I really hope you don't end up like those spinsters girls who wasted their youth on such a man.

Girls have Biological Clock ticking away. Guys don't. But seriously, Guys, Do you want to be an old father running after your toddler?

I wonder how Jim Rogers copes with being an elderly father to his kids. Does he has the energy compare to a younger father? Hmm....

 

[kittenpie]

i have no experience dated separated men. so i stand challenged or corrected before all you people who have.

but when i read what Hope described gf who pose as complication to the relationship that a separated man has with his estranged wife, i find that getting involved with such a man is really unsavory and morally questionable. it gives me a real uncomfortable feeling and a putrid taste in the mouth.

like using someone's used toilet paper.

all the more unsavory when that man comes with kids tagging along.

do you see what i mean?

 

[mrs_chew]

Milo
Your respond is too fast for me to reply leh. Perhaps I'm too slow lah. Cannot do two things at one go for me now.

Anyway, I agree to what you have said now. Don't be too meant to albee already.

 

[mrs_chew]

Sorry, I mean 'mean not 'meant'.

 

[miloice]

Lax,

men have this instinctive talent to literally filter crap. While women have the instinctive talent to micro manage and control. Both are useful for the right situations and it forms a good match.

The problem is when one takes their instincts as the right to dominate and control. A man needs to learn to be attentive and good listener. Likewise, a woman needs to learn to trust and let go.

For me, its a nightmare marrying a woman just like my mother. I live with her for this long. I don't need to find another person to treat me the same.

 

[simpleman]

We can have perceptions and voiced these perceptions one..

But we should not get too personal and start to "suggest" labels about people. Unless you elaborate and have good grounds for doing so.

 

[sgbabydoll]

Milo, if I were to be telling the truth, am I still mean?

Indeed I am telling the truth because that is the impression I got from her. Just like how you have said she sounded bimbo.

 

[simpleman]

albee,

What energy are you talking about?

How old is old?

You are beginning to sound like really stupid. Or you just want to appear as one?

 

[miloice]

sm, I just don't believe in political marriages. Couples should be truthful with each other and not need to have hidden selfish agenda against each other. This is something I do not compromise in for marriage. I view this very seriously personally.

Others might not mind it. I just call for one to be honest with themselves. What is their real intention. Don't need to mask it with bullshit in a forum. You need advise, be honest with yourself loh. Even if there are condemnations, but the advise are given in the real context than manipulated to try have get consensus to their plots.

 

[simpleman]

doll,

What you perceived may not be the "truth".

It is just a perception.

 

[sgbabydoll]

May, what is different from TS is that I know what I am in for, and I don't meddle with things involving the wife and child. In fact, how well he handles his relationship with the wife and child will tell me a lot about him. If he can't even discharge his responsibility well, then sorry, I won't even wanna date him. The last thing I will do is to have to worry for him over his daughter and her mother.

 

[simpleman]

milo,

I agree with you. Honesty in a relationship is important.

I am just sharing the many facets of humans.

Sometimes, these people don't even know what they are doing.. to them it is not manipulative.

 

[sgbabydoll]

SM, yes, I know what you meant. Truth and perception can be on polar opposites, but the truth is this is how I feel. As to the truth about Albee, who knows?

 

[miloice]

Doll, what I mean is... let's not dwell so much about that. Its probably enough to just point it out.

 

[sgbabydoll]

OK bah, let's talk about things than Albee.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi sm,

An elderly father can share his experience and wisdom to his children. Jim Rogers wrote a book for his daughters.

Maybe he does realise his age and like to leave something behind for his daughters to read when they grow up. He has less time to see his daughters grow up compare to a younger father.

Just wondering, how's his stamina when he plays "catch" with his daughters?

 

[small_wish]

sm
Dating does not mean marriage in mind - true for some, but for TS, dating means she wants to marry her bf. That's why TS is trying so hard in making sure her bf don't go back to his wife, even to the extend of snatching the kid from her mum. I don't even want to say it is ex-wife, cos' they are not divorced yet, why say ex-wife? She is still the official wife.

So why jump into dating a married man? V sad esp these young girls may only be hearing the pitiful side of the marriage stories that the straying men paint to them to get their love. Do they know the actual problems in the marriage?

Why not leave the man to settle with the wife and stop manipulating according to what TS think is good for all? Leave the man alone w/o her distraction, let him think for himself whether there is any chance of reconciliation with the wife. TS is the distraction she has to admit, which may sway the final decision towards divorce. So why not leave the man alone let him sort out whether he really wants divorce if he really don't want to continue marriage life with the wife, and let him sort out the custody issue. If the man has decided to end his marriage, then re-start with the r/s, then TS will not branded as TOW or evil woman. Wouldn't that be simpler?

 

[miloice]

sm...
Sometimes, these people don't even know what they are doing.. to them it is not manipulative.

completely agree. Hence, the self-reflection I'm trying to bring across to discover their true agenda intentions. The honest reflection is the BEST critic for ourselves. Not what is said in the forums but when goes on within the minds after that matters.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi,

So in actual fact, Men also have "Biological Clock" ticking away, unless they don't mind being a father to toddlers at 60 yrs old.
Just like those hollywood celebrities.

Michael Douglas just refuse to have any more kids at his age. He is thinking he probably will have one foot in the grave before his kids graduated from college.

 

[simpleman]

It is never too old to be a father.

At different you do different things and have different perspective.

There should not be physical limitation as well if you keep yourself healthy and fit.

So don't be so constrained by age.

 

[simpleman]

hope,

"Dating does not mean marriage in mind.."

I said the above not with reference to TS. I was speaking generally

 

[tomasulu]

maybe not to the dad but the child may feel different. i know this child who was so traumatized from his schoolmates teasing him about his granddaddy-dad that he was ecstatic when his mum got a divorce.

 

[simpleman]

There are also kids that are traumatized when they don't have a father ..

Also kids are traumatized when they are fat or short or tall or stupid or handicap in any way.

the list can go on.

So, what do we do? We just avoid? Or we need to move forward and work with the limitations.

Of course for practical reason, we also want to retire without still chasing after toddlers.. so yes, there is a practical limit but we should not be so constrained by it. If we decide to have a child in later years, we have to make adjustments..

 

[small_wish]

sm
Yes, I know you mean generally. So I am highlighting to TS that since she dates with marriage in mind, then it will be more complicated to date a married man and has to expect all these consequences and mess esp when there are kids involved. There is really a possibility that her bf may not want divorce for the sake of the kid. I am speaking from my own experience.

So my advice to lynnlim is better let the hb sort out his marriage first. Why worry how to poison his kid so that she can keep him with her? And the worse is to ever think of snatching the kid away from the mum to keep her man with her so that her man will not go back to the wife. Also if her bf is the type of man who will be lovey dovey with her and care less about his kid with ex-wife, maybe she want to reconsider her choice of hb?

 

[tomasulu]

make adjustments... it is all about you isnt it?

yes kids are traumatized when they lose their fathers. when you are 60 and you have a toddler, the chance of it happening is that much higher. never too old to have a child. that statement's just irresponsible.

 

[mrs_chew]

To me, I feel that in TS's case, the best solution is not to marry a man who has child from his previous marriage. I feel that TS cannot handle such situation at all even she may marry her bf one day.

Too stressful for her.

 

[simpleman]

"yes kids are traumatized when they lose their fathers. when you are 60 and you have a toddler, the chance of it happening is that much higher. never too old to have a child. that statement's just irresponsible."


Yes, it make more sense now. But not your initial post. Having a granddaddy-dad is something to be planned for and managed and adjustments made.

Now you are talking about losing a dad. Yes, it is a valid point. I acknowledge. And that is why I have mentioned there are practical limits although in "theory" there should not be any age-limit to having a kid.

 

[babystorm]

Milo, I agree with the bimbo part. BTH. In fact, this word popped up into my brain after I read her post. Then I saw your post on the next page.

Anyways TS.. Why get yourself in this type of shit when it's obvious that you cannot handle? Love between two persons are complicated enough.. What more with an ex-wife and a kid?

Just leave the poor kid alone.. No matter how her parents do/treat her, it's basically none of your business. You are just an outsider, although you are dating the father. Ok? Didn't heard of 'Blood is thicker than water'? Stop playing the smart alec.

 

[small_wish]

lynnlim
Go and watch the movie "Aftershock", then maybe you will understand the heart and pain of a mother to be away from her kids.

It is sad for a woman to lose her hb, it is even heart-piercing for her to lose her kids. Pay attention to the part the woman has to choose between saving her son or daughter and how much dilemma she is in. Pay attention to the part on the MIL insists on taking away her son to give her son a better life than what she can give. You will know how much pain it is to take the kids away from their mum. It may just be a moive, but it is true for most women.

So please don't take the kid away from her mum, for the selfish wish of yours to keep your man.

 

[mum_of_2_girls]

Hi,

One way to get around this problem faced by elderly fathers is to write a book for his children to read when they grow up. Just like what Jim Rogers do for her daughters.

I know I will feel glad to read something written by my father for me. Not neccesary just books, audio recordings and videos are good too.

 

[sgbabydoll]

"TS is the distraction she has to admit, which may sway the final decision towards divorce."

Hope, do you know what separation is? It means both agree to live separate lives, no more as husband and wife.

You may next ask what if the separation is initiated by one party while the other party has no choice but to go with it. Well, there can only be relationship if both parties want it. The relationship naturally breaks down when one party does not want to continue with it.

 

[small_wish]

doLL
I know what is separation. But it is not divorce, separation does not necessarily lead to divorce.

 

[sundownprince]

albee is able to ignore all negative comments about her. maybe thats what she does with her other relationships too? she seems a bit odd seriously.

 

[sundownprince]

my fave albee's post is how she hides her sun shiness when her boss wife is there! =)

 

[infojunkie]

should go read the one abt "love" (and lust) on the highway... that's her 代表作

sorry can't help it :X

 

[sgbabydoll]

"I know what is separation. But it is not divorce, separation does not necessarily lead to divorce."

Hope, separation for 3-4 years is ground for divorce. People don't separate for fun. When a couple is separated, they lead separate lives and are free to do what they want except remarrying.

I agree that separation may not necessarily lead to divorce but it may lead to divorce too. There is at least a 50% chance, right?

I don't believe a marriage breaks down overnight, and likely be before a third party even appears. Why fix the blame on the third party.

 

[small_wish]

doLL
People don't separate for fun. Yes, true, but it does not necessarily lead to divorce. There are instances whereby with the 3-4 years cooling and thinking period, the couple wants back the marriage.

We don't know what's the problem with TS's bf and the wife. You and TS so sure they will definitely divorce?

 

[sgbabydoll]

Then do you know if they will surely not divorce???

Don't tell me what if because our lives should not be lived on what-if's.

 

[its_fate]

junkie - stop reminding us that "触目惊心", "精彩万分", "å¹²æ烈ç«" scene can?? If not, I will have to look at U with my BIG INNOCENT eyes AGAIN!! Wahahaha....

 

[sgbabydoll]

Do you expect all separated people to live like celibates? If this is how you choose to live your separated life by all means do it. But do bear in mind this personal conviction is not the standard.

 

[infojunkie]

am lazing ard and in a mood for jokes...

ok, i quit making fun of her

 

[small_wish]

doLL
Looks like you are advocate for divorce. Yes, there is a 50-50 chance of divorce/not divorce, still there is a chance of not divorce right? So why TS jump into the r/s with a married man (albeit in process of separation)? If TS is willing to accept such a r/s, she has to accept the mess and consequences, esp when kids are involved.

Bear in mind TS is only 23 and by her posts, she is not mature to handle such complication r/s.

Anyway, I am not saying I am correct. It is just my view. You can have your view on separation. I see no point in continuing our argument on separation.

 

[miloice]

Hope, I don't think Doll is advocating divorce at all. She is merely pointing out that we cannot control the dynamics in relationships. When a marriage is broken down, one should look within for answers and not dwell on the pull factors.

For sure, the distraction of a young thing is surely making it tempting. But, its something no one else could prevent or control. There will be other gals around and we will continue to be emotionally shaken and physically tempted. Nothing changes about that be it in a strong marriage or separated state.