My bf's daugther........

As a 23 yr old adult, u r having difficulty to take the advices given here. And you expect your methodology of deciding for her its best to remove the kid from her mother is going to go down well for a 5 yr old? She will resent and hate you for a long time. And the already bad impression of you will be further deepen.
 


Hi hope, the 3rd party will only get to hear partial truth. Normally, the cheater will paint a very pitiful and negative impression of the spouse. This might not even be intentional sometimes. Its because, he seek her comfort to pour his woes. Naturally, 3rd parties only hear about the bad side. And its never the entire picture.

My dad's other woman continued to have a terrible impression about my mother and uncle. That's because she only saw them through the eyes of a 3rd party. My uncle was hash and nasty to her because he never accepted her as SIL. All I told her at my dad's passing, to let go of all the hatred and resentments. She doesn't even know my mum enough and yet had such strong prejudice towards her. Likewise, 3rd parties are always stereo-typed as vicious women out to destroy the lives of others. In reality, its not always this way at all.
 
I don't want to judge about 3rd party. But I don't agree we have to wait till actual divorce. At the very least, don't complicate matters. Leave the custody issue to the hb and wife. Be there to support but not to interfere.. It is best to keep a low profile.

Don't get involve with the kid for the time being until everything has settled down.
 
Milo
Nice to hear from you. You are v sensible man.

Yes, that's what I want to tell TS precisely. She will not have heard the whole story and what makes her think there is no chance of reconciliation and accepted the r/s when they are in process of separation?
 
lynn,

cos it's blatantly obvious~

and u know what?

u're not the main lead in this love story...

yes, this is a love story of 2 ppl, of opposing characters, who love each other but can never make it work due to their differences.

it's Suffocating love... and finally 1 of them wanted out and U came along...

the wife will ALWAYS hv a special place in his heart.

can u handle it?

looks like u can't...

i'm not even sure if u will still be loving the same man 10 yrs from now.
 
Hi Lynn,

You are only 23 yr old. Such a sweet,young thing.

Very Simple. Plenty of men (Buffet style) out there for you. Just find a single and eligible man and enjoy a lovey-dovey romance.

If married man try to get close to me, which can happen due to work projects, Red Flag Signals will alarm in my head. Ding Dong! Ding Dong!

I will try to talk about work stuff and nothing else.

So what if he is rich and successful. Being a married man means he doesn't belong to me. I don't want to share my man with anyone.
Hee..Hee... Evil Evil....

Just curious. If your married BF is very poor, unsuccessful, laden with debts and always ask you for money and you have to pay for everything but He LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you very much, will you still be with him?

If yes, I salute you. You are indeed noble and can handle such complicated relationship.

For me. NO! NO! Lots of my brain cells will die. Too complicated for me.
 
Just curious. If your married BF is very poor, unsuccessful, laden with debts and always ask you for money and you have to pay for everything but He LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you very much, will you still be with him?
================================================

good insight. Lynn, i think you should ask yourself this question in seriousness.

but i also do not discount that there are plenty of stupid women out there who will accept a separated but still married man with children in tow.

sometimes i wonder why people are so stupid but i guess that is what adds drama and colour to life.
 
Noble? oh please. Her intentions as admitted by herself is not the least noble. You have consistently displayed your level of intellect with the kind of comments you are making. Incoherent and irrelevant to the context.
 
lynnlim
You said "As I said, my bf love this little kid a lot and I was afraid he will waiver under her relentless 'missed you' attack and decided to go back to his wife. ......"

It's natural for a kid to miss her dad, why do you see this a "relentless 'missed you' attack"?When you accepted the r/s knowing he has a kid, this is the mess you should have expected. You make me wonder again why my hb's TOW never think of all these mess when jumping into married man's life.

I believe when a married man has TOW, both the hb and wife play a part causing breakdown in marriage. It may be a wake up call to them especially when they have kids and they may start to realise what's wrong and work to salvage the marriage.

Thus my question, why jump into the r/s when they are only in process of separation and not divorice?

Since you already jumped in, why not make things less complicated and just let the poor kid has the love of mum and dad even if divorced? You will have your own kids with him in future, you may love your bf's kid now but I am sure you will love your own kids more in future, causing misery to your bf's kid. Since he does not want to fight the custody, why you want to instigate him to fight? Please leave the poor kid alone.
 
"If your married BF is very poor, unsuccessful, laden with debts and always ask you for money and you have to pay for everything but He LOVE, LOVE, LOVE you very much, will you still be with him?"

Come on, Albee, I am sure you can manage a better question. If such a man is still unmarried and can even be very handsome, I doubt any woman will fall for him.

I won't.

You mean you will?????!!!!!
 
Junkie,

I dont think so ...

if what albee says is true and reflective of her personal experience, how is it being boastful or conceited?
 
read all her posts and u will know what i mean
happy.gif
 
May,

"but i also do not discount that there are plenty of stupid women out there who will accept a separated but still married man with children in tow. "

Why you said this? hee hee.

For the longest time I was in separation and not divorced. I have three children in tow.

But I don't have the lack of women lining up.. (not boasting) I don't really know what are in their minds..

Are they "stupid"?

One ex-gf told me.. The fact that I have three children and that I am not abandoning them (to the mother) - has a certain attraction. Those who do not mind just the dating will continue the relationship. Those who wanted more - to get married will think long and hard and eventually, because even if they want to marry me... I am not even willing.. so none of the relationship can work.
 
The kid and the man, devices for your manipulation to your desired wishes. The kind of woman that I completely avoid for a life partner. It totally pisses me of to face a woman that worries too much and use stupid tricks to attempt to manipulate the man as if he is a stupid puppet. You are dealing with a complicated relationship here involving HUMANS with EMOTIONS. Not stupid goondos without a mind of their own. Stop your manipulations and masking your selfish agendas as noble acts.

Your bf has a brain. He knows what you are doing. Do you think he appreciates you manipulating his life? Let him think and decide for himself. I don't doubt your emotions and love you have for this man. But, you clearly lack the maturity.

Be honest with your own intentions. Search your heart.
 
Hi,

Is this very common now?

No wonder there is a movie called "Old Cow Eat Tender Grass".

Geez.. Guys are so lucky. UNFAIR! UNFAIR!
In twenty years time, I will have problems maintaining my looks.

Sweet, young things, please leave married men alone, ok? Sisterhood Pact, ok?
 
Sm,

you are right.

for two divorced men one with custody of kids and the other no custody, the one with kids will be more attractive.

more responsible, caring, family-oriented, decent, etc.

SM, you dont find any of your ex-gf stupid? not even one of them?
 
May, she is not boastful or conceited. Although she hated to be called this. But its really what her comments in this forum is clearly showing.... bimbo.

Albee, no offense but your comments are really portraying that to me. I could give you the benefit of the doubt that you are trying hard to be corny. But, it happens too many times and it leaves a bad after taste from reading your corny comments.
 
Junkie,

yes, i have been reading Albee's posts.

i think she is a very charming and fortunate woman who has a lot of nice things happened to her in her life. The problem is when she does not hesitate to relate them here, people construe it as boastfulness.

i dont think she is and i dont think she is particularly irrelevant either.
 
May,

They are as smart as you.. if not smarter..

Does that answer your question?

And none of them has the stupidity of some the women displayed here.
 
oh she is irrelevant...

broadcasting all the time and gd at linking everything to her greatness...

btw, i'm not jealous
happy.gif
 
May, what is so stupid of women dating separated men? Maybe you can enlighten me.

If you know what you are in for, how is that stupid?
 
may, I don't think you have read enough yet to draw your conclusion. Go read more.

I seriously think albee is living in her own princessy world where she is SO sheltered by her wonderful, goody-two-shoes hubby and has yet to see the real outside world. Maybe one day she will get a chance to see if she's left to fend for herself (which I doubt she ever will).

milo, I wouldn't call her bimbo...more of simpleminded to me. no offense to albee too.
 
Hi,

I really hope guys will be more upfront about their intention of marriage.

I have seen some guys who string along the girls with no intention of marriage. The girls wasted 5 to 8 yrs of their youth on such guys and eventually become spinsters when the guys ditched them.

But these guys are so lucky, they have no lack of girls lining up to want to be their next girlfriend.

Sometimes, I feel like telling these guys off. Why make so many girls "suffer"?
 
albee,

I don't know the answer. First thing I told them after few casual dates - I am not looking for marriage, now.

Whatever happens in the future I can't predict.

But one thing for sure. The woman that can make me want to marry again has to be very special.

But I did one thing last year - to get divorced. So that it won't get complicated in the future if I decide to get married again.

My dream is to travel the world after I retire. If I can find someone to go with me with me it will be great. Otherwise I can do it alone as well..
 
albee, u have to understand that sometimes its not entirely the guy's fault too. it takes both hands to clap u know?
 
May,

I don't find them stupid because most of them are highly intelligent and mostly emotionally they are very strong and matured as well.

They are in a relationship to "gain" something. I mean, companionship, fine-dining, enjoying relationship without side issues.. Someone to talk to and to hear their problems. And the best is when they are ready to quit - no drama.. I let them go easily...
 
albee,

I never string any gals along.

at the latest, by the 3rd date she will know that I am not ready for marriage in the short term..

But there are woman that will ask me on the first date if I am looking for marriage..
 
Milo

Maybe, her bf doesn't even know that lynnlim has a hidden agenda. He might think that she is a considerate and kind person who truly loves his child.
 
junkie,

Ha ha you are seeing another side of her.. And you could be right.

But since I don't really know albee other than through the posts here.. I am reserving my judgement.

Just treat it as if she is a simple-minded happy woman.

Of course, she could be "deeper" than you think she is. She is just portraying an image for you to see here.
 
May,

I don't really mind if someone sitting beside me and we can engage in conversation.

I did it with one of my ex's. Sending her all over SG.. we only talk in the car.. and final destination is always her home..
 
Actually divorcee dating divorcee is quite fun. Don't have to ask so many questions.. since we all have been there, done that.

Just enjoy the companionship.
 
yes sm, she's definitely vain-er than warren beatty
happy.gif


"u're so vain, u probably think this song is abt u. u're so vain, i'll bet u think this song is abt u. dun U? dun U?..."
 
Lax, guys are not stupid. We just act blur most of the time and giving their sweet things some space for 'playground' to keep them happy.
 
May, but you are free to call me stupid. I am not the least offended, because I know I am in for with such a relationship. And truly, I have done really stupid thing, that is, to get married hahaha
 
Sometimes, some men are a bit 'blur'. Most of the time, they believe their gf/ new wife more than their children or ex-wife.

My stepmother is one good example. In front of my father, she is a perfect wife and a good stepmother to me. Behind him, she is really nasty.
 

May is just too straightforward and calculative.. that is why she thinks it is stupid to start a relationship with a separated man - because of he inherent problem.

Dating does not mean marriage in mind - the end result. If marriage is not what you are in for.. then where is the stupidity? But if marriage is your immediate goal, then yes - dating someone who is not even divorced is asking for trouble.
 
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