Chocolatte, I agree and think he has indeed made his own plans and will never own up. In fact he has never admitted the 3rd party is his girlfriend and told my mom that he was having a fling with her and not serious with her. Up till this point, he has no guts to own up although he has nothing to lose, since he wants her and not me. Scary is the deceitful heart which is out to hurt and fulfill his selfish desires...
Lost... Husband is having an affair
- Thread starter may_tan
- Start date
Don't waste one more second on the a-hole, the best thing u can do is live a good life for urself from now on. You will be angry and cry like mad, you damn well have the right! Make sure he doesn't have a chance to work his way into your heart again when tow dumps him. Do whatever you want from this point on, treat him like he died.
Hi May,
first of all, sorry to hear about your plight.
I could tell that you truly love him but having gone through a few failed relationships in the past (not divorce for me though), I came to realise that women must be smart to make the men love them too. It is true that I could go dutch 50-50 etc but to the men, this is not the way they like to love or to be loved. They wouldn't think little actions like these show that the relationship is built upon love and not $. In fact, men are funny creatures. The more $ and effort they invest in you, the more they think they cannot lose you and the more they think you're worth it. I think this is what was lacking in your marriage. Your man probably realises that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. He's only receiving and not giving. He needs to give to better understand your worth to him. Because of this, I doubt he would regret leaving you. He'll just be convinced that if he indeed didn't love you as much as he loves the current gal he's dating since he hasn't experienced 'loving you' at all. Not sure if you got my point here? These are truly my own perspectives though. I may be wrong or not all men are like that.
first of all, sorry to hear about your plight.
I could tell that you truly love him but having gone through a few failed relationships in the past (not divorce for me though), I came to realise that women must be smart to make the men love them too. It is true that I could go dutch 50-50 etc but to the men, this is not the way they like to love or to be loved. They wouldn't think little actions like these show that the relationship is built upon love and not $. In fact, men are funny creatures. The more $ and effort they invest in you, the more they think they cannot lose you and the more they think you're worth it. I think this is what was lacking in your marriage. Your man probably realises that he doesn't love you as much as you love him. He's only receiving and not giving. He needs to give to better understand your worth to him. Because of this, I doubt he would regret leaving you. He'll just be convinced that if he indeed didn't love you as much as he loves the current gal he's dating since he hasn't experienced 'loving you' at all. Not sure if you got my point here? These are truly my own perspectives though. I may be wrong or not all men are like that.
May,
Happy divorce. This is the best ending, that even if you want to lie to yourself you have no chance to.
Heaven is good to you.
But from your words...
You are still a very much naive woman after all these.
What the man just want is a smooth divorce, and then he can fock another woman in peace.
You two are not in the right frequency.
At least in this way, you don't need to find PI anymore. LOL~
Congrats, congrats...
So my next curiousity is... after all these, after all these talks in this forum, how would you find your next man?
Serious... I don't mind tell you straight, you have a judgement issue. You really need is a mature steady man, with wits, makes you laugh, makes you secured and pamper you. Your problem is, you don't know exactly where to start looking.
You do not 'revive' a marriage, May. Any 'effort', any 'hard work', you CAN'T work marriage. How many times must I repeat this.
You ARE lucky! It happens earlier, you still can choose, you have NO children. It's a clean smooth cut. You know how many moronic women got the hit when they hit 40s, when the wrinkles come, the boobs droop, and they got children to consider...
Consider yourself lucky, darling.
Sweet40,
Let me tell you a secret about men...
Why men choose to 'eat outside' and yet refuse to divorce. It's very stupid actually...
Because given a divorce, you have to bother about alimony and you have to be settled with a 50% asset losses. Most men just wanna have fun, play women, fock them, then go back to sleep with their ugly wives they don't really care about. It's pure laziness to avoid divorce.
You have also to engage lawyers and pre-empt your wives counter-suing, and all those cost money.
And no. It's not because of responsibility. Fock! We fock women for fun, not because of responsibilities! No love, no commitment. That's why I always stressed, love then commitment. It is so that we don't keep the wives to be stuck in responsibilities. Not true eh.
Chocolatte,
From what I gathered from May... EVEN if they got kids, he'd go for... he'd PRAY for a smooth divorce.
This type of man isn't for love! He's for selfish desire! He'd gladly let May take the children while he bangs outside.
There is no love here... It's not freedom he truly wants, it's just sex and excitment! There is NO love in this man, and you can point at May saying:
"How the fock you marry without love in the first place?"
But many women married men thinking of their versions of love, then a syt comes and yeah...
You should say, May is lucky. It happens fast, early... Now she can choose again.
Happy divorce. This is the best ending, that even if you want to lie to yourself you have no chance to.
Heaven is good to you.
But from your words...
You are still a very much naive woman after all these.
What the man just want is a smooth divorce, and then he can fock another woman in peace.
You two are not in the right frequency.
At least in this way, you don't need to find PI anymore. LOL~
Congrats, congrats...
So my next curiousity is... after all these, after all these talks in this forum, how would you find your next man?
Serious... I don't mind tell you straight, you have a judgement issue. You really need is a mature steady man, with wits, makes you laugh, makes you secured and pamper you. Your problem is, you don't know exactly where to start looking.
You do not 'revive' a marriage, May. Any 'effort', any 'hard work', you CAN'T work marriage. How many times must I repeat this.
You ARE lucky! It happens earlier, you still can choose, you have NO children. It's a clean smooth cut. You know how many moronic women got the hit when they hit 40s, when the wrinkles come, the boobs droop, and they got children to consider...
Consider yourself lucky, darling.
Sweet40,
Let me tell you a secret about men...
Why men choose to 'eat outside' and yet refuse to divorce. It's very stupid actually...
Because given a divorce, you have to bother about alimony and you have to be settled with a 50% asset losses. Most men just wanna have fun, play women, fock them, then go back to sleep with their ugly wives they don't really care about. It's pure laziness to avoid divorce.
You have also to engage lawyers and pre-empt your wives counter-suing, and all those cost money.
And no. It's not because of responsibility. Fock! We fock women for fun, not because of responsibilities! No love, no commitment. That's why I always stressed, love then commitment. It is so that we don't keep the wives to be stuck in responsibilities. Not true eh.
Chocolatte,
From what I gathered from May... EVEN if they got kids, he'd go for... he'd PRAY for a smooth divorce.
This type of man isn't for love! He's for selfish desire! He'd gladly let May take the children while he bangs outside.
There is no love here... It's not freedom he truly wants, it's just sex and excitment! There is NO love in this man, and you can point at May saying:
"How the fock you marry without love in the first place?"
But many women married men thinking of their versions of love, then a syt comes and yeah...
You should say, May is lucky. It happens fast, early... Now she can choose again.
Denise80,
Does May truly love him? May doesn't even care to understand... She loves for the sake of love. Take note.
This type of man she encounters also doesn't pay attention to love... or commitment.
So... where is the true love you talk about. It has been all May's hullucination... Her marriage was a castle built in the air.
Does May truly love him? May doesn't even care to understand... She loves for the sake of love. Take note.
This type of man she encounters also doesn't pay attention to love... or commitment.
So... where is the true love you talk about. It has been all May's hullucination... Her marriage was a castle built in the air.
Scope,
I mean his responsibilities towards his family not him fxxk his gf.
May,
Scope is right to say u r lucky to b able to have a clean n smooth cut. U can b wiser n make a better choice.
I am 40 yrs old n have 4 kids and I hope n pray that I won't get hit. If I were to divorce I dun think I will wan to b in another r/s again not to mention marriage. Aiya already half life spent liao. Will enjoy newfound freedom n lead a new life.
I mean his responsibilities towards his family not him fxxk his gf.
May,
Scope is right to say u r lucky to b able to have a clean n smooth cut. U can b wiser n make a better choice.
I am 40 yrs old n have 4 kids and I hope n pray that I won't get hit. If I were to divorce I dun think I will wan to b in another r/s again not to mention marriage. Aiya already half life spent liao. Will enjoy newfound freedom n lead a new life.
With all the horror stories here and my own experience, I think I don't believe in love anymore (ironically my ex can say I destroyed his....when he's the one who cheats and lie). Anyway, I hate to sound defeated, but really so many broken marriages and people using people for whatever reasons, is love a myth? Those who have been hurt before, how did you find the courage to love again? Bcos right now I hope I'll never fall in love again.
inloveandwar
New Member
Soi, don't feel depressed. I have experience the lowest point in my life like you. There will not be any lower point, it will only become better. No matter how painful it is, you try to let go, time will heal the pain. When U feel better again then find a guy who will respect and cherish you.
In love and war, Would there still be faithful men out there? I have heard of statistics saying 50 to 95% men are unfaithful...
I don't even dare to think of dating in future... I don't understand the point of entering into a relationship to get hurt and break-up or marriage and to divorce...
I don't even dare to think of dating in future... I don't understand the point of entering into a relationship to get hurt and break-up or marriage and to divorce...
Like I said, you still don't get it.
Some women learn, and improve, and know how to find men. Most end up like you...
So, just give up lah... Just watch as many couples last a lifetime and you continue to lament to the morons...
What's the big deal about divorce? It's just a piece of paper, a crap international law.
Where is the love?
Women ask for this for that, but they never are serious in their offer. Then they blame God, blame men, blame fock...
Don't date, just live alone, die alone, you don't even need to be a mother in this life.
Some women learn, and improve, and know how to find men. Most end up like you...
So, just give up lah... Just watch as many couples last a lifetime and you continue to lament to the morons...
What's the big deal about divorce? It's just a piece of paper, a crap international law.
Where is the love?
Women ask for this for that, but they never are serious in their offer. Then they blame God, blame men, blame fock...
Don't date, just live alone, die alone, you don't even need to be a mother in this life.
May, I was thinking this way just last night, but when I woke up, I felt differently. The truth is there are good men, other than this 1 a-hole I've unfortunately gotten myself involved with, the other men I've met are not so bad, maybe just incompatible or the love isn't there, but they never lied about it.
It's NOT your fault that you married an a-hole, don't let people tell you otherwise. I'm sure there was a time when he made you believe you are the one. I don't believe that there is only 1 'the one' IMHO, if you believe that then aren't you just being lazy and letting fate decide everything?
It is true that most men will stray at some point, but the difference is some men do it in a moment of folly or temptation, some men do it simply bcos they can. It is the latter group that you should NOT forgive, the fact that they did it again and again just shows how much they do NOT value you. It's human to make mistakes, but its pathological when someone repeats the mistake over and over, knowing full well it hurts you. Isn't he just deliberately causing you pain? Isn't that abusing your trust and love? Since he hasn't ask for forgiveness, what forgiveness is there to give, other than one you give urself.
I agree with in love and war that time will heal every thing. I feel like crap now too, but I have faith that in time, he will mean nothing and so will ur husband to you.
Love can happen to anyone at any age, I'm also in my 30s. I recently went on a holiday, and although I didn't hook up with anyone, I discovered there are men who find me attractive and women who enjoy my company. That in ur darkest hour, there are kind souls who will reach out to you.
Right now, you probably feel betrayed by this one person you trusted and its messing up ur head. And some people tell you its your fault for being stupid. It is NOT! If someone ran you over with a truck, it is NOT ur fault. Just like it is NOT ur fault that he hurt you.
But I have to tell you this, he will NOT regret. He may try to come back when other women dump him, but he will NOT regret. He only came back bcos you forgive him over and over. If there is any genuine remorse or guilt, he would have shown it by now. He's played you and he will do it again if you let him.
Don't listen to his words, look at his actions... There's NOTHING wrong with how you feel right now, you are human, you feel. We do NOT choose what we feel, we can only choose what to do with it. Don't let anyone tell you that you are being stupid for feeling the way you do, you are just human. If they tell you that, they are just causing you more hurt.
Moving on will not happen immediately, it will take time. If anyone tells you to just suck it up and move on or to let it go or to kai kan, don't talk to them about it again, they do not understand, hence they are incapable of offering you the comfort you need.
The only thing you can do now is wait for time to pass, wounds to heal and live your life the best way you know how. One day, you will suddenly realize you don't feel hurt any more.
It's NOT your fault that you married an a-hole, don't let people tell you otherwise. I'm sure there was a time when he made you believe you are the one. I don't believe that there is only 1 'the one' IMHO, if you believe that then aren't you just being lazy and letting fate decide everything?
It is true that most men will stray at some point, but the difference is some men do it in a moment of folly or temptation, some men do it simply bcos they can. It is the latter group that you should NOT forgive, the fact that they did it again and again just shows how much they do NOT value you. It's human to make mistakes, but its pathological when someone repeats the mistake over and over, knowing full well it hurts you. Isn't he just deliberately causing you pain? Isn't that abusing your trust and love? Since he hasn't ask for forgiveness, what forgiveness is there to give, other than one you give urself.
I agree with in love and war that time will heal every thing. I feel like crap now too, but I have faith that in time, he will mean nothing and so will ur husband to you.
Love can happen to anyone at any age, I'm also in my 30s. I recently went on a holiday, and although I didn't hook up with anyone, I discovered there are men who find me attractive and women who enjoy my company. That in ur darkest hour, there are kind souls who will reach out to you.
Right now, you probably feel betrayed by this one person you trusted and its messing up ur head. And some people tell you its your fault for being stupid. It is NOT! If someone ran you over with a truck, it is NOT ur fault. Just like it is NOT ur fault that he hurt you.
But I have to tell you this, he will NOT regret. He may try to come back when other women dump him, but he will NOT regret. He only came back bcos you forgive him over and over. If there is any genuine remorse or guilt, he would have shown it by now. He's played you and he will do it again if you let him.
Don't listen to his words, look at his actions... There's NOTHING wrong with how you feel right now, you are human, you feel. We do NOT choose what we feel, we can only choose what to do with it. Don't let anyone tell you that you are being stupid for feeling the way you do, you are just human. If they tell you that, they are just causing you more hurt.
Moving on will not happen immediately, it will take time. If anyone tells you to just suck it up and move on or to let it go or to kai kan, don't talk to them about it again, they do not understand, hence they are incapable of offering you the comfort you need.
The only thing you can do now is wait for time to pass, wounds to heal and live your life the best way you know how. One day, you will suddenly realize you don't feel hurt any more.
inloveandwar
New Member
May - Only 1 out of 10 guys are faithful. Therefore we should learn the key skills to reduce the probability of his infidelity.
Scope Guy - your IQ is high but EQ is zero. You don’t understand women’s suffering. I can see you can please 1-2 women but not ALL.
Scope Guy - your IQ is high but EQ is zero. You don’t understand women’s suffering. I can see you can please 1-2 women but not ALL.
"Learn the key skills to reduce the probability of his infidelity"...Pray tell what are the 'key skills'?
In my opinion, you can be the most gorgeous woman in the world, excellent bedroom skills, you might even give great head. You could be the most gentle, patient, caring or even the exact opposite, you could be aggressive, impatient and act like you don't care. You can spy on him or give him all his freedom, you can track him everyday or don't care where he's been, you can check everything or nothing. You can let ur entire life revolve around him or completely do not revolve around him.
Whatever you do or don't do, if a person, man or woman, wants to cheat, they will. Human beings are mostly selfish, just be sure to choose someone who actually has a conscience, is capable of loving and can actually feel some sort of emotional pain. Anything less than that is just a psychopath.
In my opinion, you can be the most gorgeous woman in the world, excellent bedroom skills, you might even give great head. You could be the most gentle, patient, caring or even the exact opposite, you could be aggressive, impatient and act like you don't care. You can spy on him or give him all his freedom, you can track him everyday or don't care where he's been, you can check everything or nothing. You can let ur entire life revolve around him or completely do not revolve around him.
Whatever you do or don't do, if a person, man or woman, wants to cheat, they will. Human beings are mostly selfish, just be sure to choose someone who actually has a conscience, is capable of loving and can actually feel some sort of emotional pain. Anything less than that is just a psychopath.
cococherry
New Member
Both of u have fault in the failure, u need to learn from this failure and do better in future. Maybe one day u will be like me - wound healed, glad that he's gone & no longer messing our lives.
In love and war,
Woman's suffering is:
本æ¥æ— 烦事儿，庸人自扰之.
In May's case, her suffering is her own doing. She obviously never tried to understand the man she claims to love. If you don't even care, how to truly love?
And she still thought she can give him chance... Waliao. Very good at lying herself. I can already predict she'd get another same man and start sending PIs... LOL~
Maybe my EQ is the highest among you for all you know... LOL~
Woman's suffering is:
本æ¥æ— 烦事儿，庸人自扰之.
In May's case, her suffering is her own doing. She obviously never tried to understand the man she claims to love. If you don't even care, how to truly love?
And she still thought she can give him chance... Waliao. Very good at lying herself. I can already predict she'd get another same man and start sending PIs... LOL~
Maybe my EQ is the highest among you for all you know... LOL~
I agree that both of us are responsible for the marriage breakdown. But in my wildest dream, I will not dream that he will do this to me. I always thought we love and respect each other very much and will not go all out to hurt each other. But the lies are the worst. Is that a defence mechanism of a wrong doer or? It just showed that he had no guts and no balls... It is a huge disappointment... Maybe I am really coming to terms with how cruel he had been to me...
Now I can't wait for the divorce deal to settle. Like an axe coming down and just cut off our relationship cleanly.
Now I can't wait for the divorce deal to settle. Like an axe coming down and just cut off our relationship cleanly.
It is NOT her fault her husband is an a-hole. She did NOT contribute to the 'failure'. Its a failure if both love each other and then the rs failed. In May's case, the husband never did. Someone who loves or had ever loved you will not lie to you over and over and blame you for the 'failure'. If there was any love at all, he will take responsibility for his mistakes instead of making it sound like its her fault.
Think about it, if u really love ur husbands, and then you cheated and lied, they found out about it, what would ur reaction be? Will you blame them, will u continue to lie or will u try to make things better by owning up and taking responsibility for it. Will you try to soothe their pain?
Really women, wake up already! Stop blaming the victim and make her feel worse. Loving someone is NOT wrong, wanting the marriage to work is NOT wrong. She is doing what every women who loves their men will do, she tried to make it work.
Perhaps her only fault is picking the wrong guy to love.
Think about it, if u really love ur husbands, and then you cheated and lied, they found out about it, what would ur reaction be? Will you blame them, will u continue to lie or will u try to make things better by owning up and taking responsibility for it. Will you try to soothe their pain?
Really women, wake up already! Stop blaming the victim and make her feel worse. Loving someone is NOT wrong, wanting the marriage to work is NOT wrong. She is doing what every women who loves their men will do, she tried to make it work.
Perhaps her only fault is picking the wrong guy to love.
"Women ask for this for that, but they never are serious in their offer. Then they blame God, blame men, blame fock... "
- didn't you blame the pollution in Beijing for leaving your PRC girl?
Put up a poll to see how many people concur with your views. Then you can judge how good is your EQ.
- didn't you blame the pollution in Beijing for leaving your PRC girl?
Put up a poll to see how many people concur with your views. Then you can judge how good is your EQ.
inloveandwar
New Member
Soisuka,
Cut early. when u need to cut a relationship, remember what is pain, very pain and very very pain...so pain is better than very very pain.
Cut early. when u need to cut a relationship, remember what is pain, very pain and very very pain...so pain is better than very very pain.
In love n war, er.... I already ended it weeks ago.... Now it's the getting over phase.....
Side track a bit, sometimes I wonder if the posters here have multiple accounts.....they all start to sound a bit similar...and very much like someone I know.. Ok I have to stop coming here.... It could be my fault for attracting a troll here, my apologies.....
Side track a bit, sometimes I wonder if the posters here have multiple accounts.....they all start to sound a bit similar...and very much like someone I know.. Ok I have to stop coming here.... It could be my fault for attracting a troll here, my apologies.....
cococherry
New Member
Though comforting but U better think twice before absorbing words like its entirely his fault When the wounds of the failure advisor is still fresh and is still recovering. Ppl like them tend to give bias opinions
Tell me chocolate, what is may's fault in this case? Besides not picking the right guy, besides not leaving when she should, besides forgiving him too easily? It's not her fault that he decided to cheat more than once, nobody point a gun to his head and say cheat. He's a grown man, he has a brain. He knows it's wrong and he did it again anyway. Instead of working on the marriage, he chose to just find another.
And I don't appreciate your tone of 'people like them', its very condescending, at least scope is blatantly rude, were you never in the same shoes?
It takes two to make a relationship but only one to wreck it....this I read from somewhere
And I don't appreciate your tone of 'people like them', its very condescending, at least scope is blatantly rude, were you never in the same shoes?
It takes two to make a relationship but only one to wreck it....this I read from somewhere
Oh believe you me, I agree with a lot of ur views, but you are rude, and you like to kick people when they're down. While ur brutal honesty is refreshing and may work for some people who needs a kick in the butt, it is also very cruel for people who just aren't that emotionally strong. Not everyone can handle ur verbal punches.
If someone punch me I will punch back. But if someone is here saying she's hurting, she's lost etc etc, does it help to hurt her somemore?
If indeed you feel the need to point them in the 'right' direction, say it nicely la, don't attack their personality flaws (real or perceived) or their intelligence. Attack the situation not the person.
If indeed you feel the need to point them in the 'right' direction, say it nicely la, don't attack their personality flaws (real or perceived) or their intelligence. Attack the situation not the person.
I was educated from young...
Be reasonable to reasonable people.
Logic is important in communication with me. And logic is hard and cold.
Maybe I should say something womanly nice... sweet like sugar...
Actually I hate irrational women since young. I find them... an error of Heaven, a malware of God, a disgusting member of society, the hindrance of progress...
Especially Singaporean women... They can't reason at all! Then they whine and whine and whine, and go back the same old shits.
Somebody said it is the culture. Singapore has no culture. I agree.
How to be nice? The women are rugged... senseless... I don't even feel they are women. They are just wounded beasts... vengeful, ridiculous... ...
Moronic.
That's why I have decided to go to Germany. The women there mostly talk of romance, smell of romance, walk romance... and seriously romantic.
I have an IQ above 190, I don't think my EQ is 0. LOL~ Scientifically speaking, a high EQ person can't be bothered about all the moronic personal attacks... which is me lah...
Attack the situation... ...
I am going for a movie later. I need to be entertained. That's the 'situation'. See ya!
Enjoy sulking, people!
Be reasonable to reasonable people.
Logic is important in communication with me. And logic is hard and cold.
Maybe I should say something womanly nice... sweet like sugar...
Actually I hate irrational women since young. I find them... an error of Heaven, a malware of God, a disgusting member of society, the hindrance of progress...
Especially Singaporean women... They can't reason at all! Then they whine and whine and whine, and go back the same old shits.
Somebody said it is the culture. Singapore has no culture. I agree.
How to be nice? The women are rugged... senseless... I don't even feel they are women. They are just wounded beasts... vengeful, ridiculous... ...
Moronic.
That's why I have decided to go to Germany. The women there mostly talk of romance, smell of romance, walk romance... and seriously romantic.
I have an IQ above 190, I don't think my EQ is 0. LOL~ Scientifically speaking, a high EQ person can't be bothered about all the moronic personal attacks... which is me lah...
Attack the situation... ...
I am going for a movie later. I need to be entertained. That's the 'situation'. See ya!
Enjoy sulking, people!
Soisuka,
while I don't wholly agree with Scope's view, especially about the part that May didn't truly love her man etc, I also don't agree with you that it's ENTIRELY the man's fault. It all takes two hands to clap. Sure, the man shouldn't have strayed but if May and her hubby all do the 'right' things in the marriage, nothing of this sort will happen. If her hubby has a super duper fulfilling marriage, I doubt he would risk losing May for some sweet young thing.
By saying that May is just unlucky doesn't help her at all with her future relationships. I would think her biggest problem is not really understand men or rather human relationships in general. She may love him truly and deeply but the wrong way such that she's being taken for granted. She gives this and that thinking that's what the man needs and wants and that in return, she'll receive love and a faithful husband. The equation doesn't work that way at all. She really needs to realise this part or she might not find herself in any blissful or fulfilling relationship at all in future.
Hence even if May meets the RIGHT man, she still must learn to hold the 'key' to the relationship and learn how to love a person and be loved the right way - sadly, if this doesn't come naturally, then it has to be thought about. As women, we must use our brains too and not all the time our 'hearts' when we love someone. Sometimes it's good to play the role of a 'weakling' for your man to be the hero and he feels needed and important etc. As women, our lives also cannot just revolve around our hubby, serving them all the time. What about self-worth and personal interests/goals? If our lives revolve around our hubby all the time, no wonder they feel bored.
while I don't wholly agree with Scope's view, especially about the part that May didn't truly love her man etc, I also don't agree with you that it's ENTIRELY the man's fault. It all takes two hands to clap. Sure, the man shouldn't have strayed but if May and her hubby all do the 'right' things in the marriage, nothing of this sort will happen. If her hubby has a super duper fulfilling marriage, I doubt he would risk losing May for some sweet young thing.
By saying that May is just unlucky doesn't help her at all with her future relationships. I would think her biggest problem is not really understand men or rather human relationships in general. She may love him truly and deeply but the wrong way such that she's being taken for granted. She gives this and that thinking that's what the man needs and wants and that in return, she'll receive love and a faithful husband. The equation doesn't work that way at all. She really needs to realise this part or she might not find herself in any blissful or fulfilling relationship at all in future.
Hence even if May meets the RIGHT man, she still must learn to hold the 'key' to the relationship and learn how to love a person and be loved the right way - sadly, if this doesn't come naturally, then it has to be thought about. As women, we must use our brains too and not all the time our 'hearts' when we love someone. Sometimes it's good to play the role of a 'weakling' for your man to be the hero and he feels needed and important etc. As women, our lives also cannot just revolve around our hubby, serving them all the time. What about self-worth and personal interests/goals? If our lives revolve around our hubby all the time, no wonder they feel bored.
But actually a lot of your arguments are not logical and irrational too lei.... And you like to use other people's words against them. So far the only original vocab you have is moron. Btw since when is german women known for romance?! I thot they are known for their hairiness?! And actually according to my frd who lives in Germany, it is one of the European country with a culture most similar to Singapore. Oh well what do i know.....But I do enjoy ur analysis on men, it's very refreshing!
I'm not saying May doesn't have some soul searching to do. She does indeed need to figure out why she pick him. I'm saying it is NOT her fault her husband cheated again and again. If you cheated, is it your husband's fault? A cheater chose to cheat, chose to walk away from the marriage, it is entirely his responsibility. If he chose differently, for instance talk about the breakdown in their marriage, don't you think May would have happily worked on it? Would the outcome be different?
While I may not be married, I truly believe that when one person turns away from the rs instead of towards it, then the Rs will crumble. From what I read, she has done all that she can and perhaps her crime is in doing too much. If it was your husband, would you try to save it or walk away?
When I hear people say its her fault, it sounds like victim blaming. I don't think it's her fault, but I agree with you that she needs to reassess her self worth and believe wholeheartedly that she deserves better.
While low self esteem is a flaw, I do not see it as a fault, unless her low self esteem directly affected her actions, for instance, acting out by cheating or being unreasonably insecure or controlling. If she did that then yes she is also responsible for the dissolution of the marriage.
Pray tell what is the 'key' since you are happily married, save us jilted women from our misery. I find ur theory on playing the diff roles a little flawed. In my rs, I have played many roles, the giver, the taker, the weak one, the strong one, the submissive, the aggressive, I have been around a lot and around very little, I've played the house wife and career woman. I keep varyin this roles to see which one works best. I have done alot and very little. But still not only did my man strayed, he was doing it through out.
What I realized is this, woman in general, including myself, always think we can fix things, we can fix them, we can fix the Rs, we can change ourselves to make it work. But we can't, he either loves you or he doesn't. There's no use driving urself crazy when he doesn't love you.
And perhaps what May and myself need to soul search on is how to identify the real deal. You are lucky you found a man who loves you. I envy you. But some of us are not lucky, some of us are preyed on by people who pretend to be men who love us bcos we are naive and gullible, bcos we chose to believe in the good of people. Is that a fault?
While I may not be married, I truly believe that when one person turns away from the rs instead of towards it, then the Rs will crumble. From what I read, she has done all that she can and perhaps her crime is in doing too much. If it was your husband, would you try to save it or walk away?
When I hear people say its her fault, it sounds like victim blaming. I don't think it's her fault, but I agree with you that she needs to reassess her self worth and believe wholeheartedly that she deserves better.
While low self esteem is a flaw, I do not see it as a fault, unless her low self esteem directly affected her actions, for instance, acting out by cheating or being unreasonably insecure or controlling. If she did that then yes she is also responsible for the dissolution of the marriage.
Pray tell what is the 'key' since you are happily married, save us jilted women from our misery. I find ur theory on playing the diff roles a little flawed. In my rs, I have played many roles, the giver, the taker, the weak one, the strong one, the submissive, the aggressive, I have been around a lot and around very little, I've played the house wife and career woman. I keep varyin this roles to see which one works best. I have done alot and very little. But still not only did my man strayed, he was doing it through out.
What I realized is this, woman in general, including myself, always think we can fix things, we can fix them, we can fix the Rs, we can change ourselves to make it work. But we can't, he either loves you or he doesn't. There's no use driving urself crazy when he doesn't love you.
And perhaps what May and myself need to soul search on is how to identify the real deal. You are lucky you found a man who loves you. I envy you. But some of us are not lucky, some of us are preyed on by people who pretend to be men who love us bcos we are naive and gullible, bcos we chose to believe in the good of people. Is that a fault?
Soisuka, I don't consider myself 'lucky' to have found a man who loves me. In fact I had my ups and downs and from every failed relationship, I learn something new. With all these experiences accumulated, I finally knew to differentiate good men from lousy ones and etc. I would really think that being naive and gullible is our fault and am sorry to really say this. If we know we had been naive and gullible, then what are we doing about it? Do we grumble all day long, self-pity and blame it all on the men and never think about how we would make things different for ourselves in the future? If we continue to be naive and gullible and consider all bad experiences as being unlucky and that it's the man who chose to walk out, then we might find ourselves repeating this vicious cycle all over again till we lost all faith and hope and stop seeing any man.
Soisuka, that's precisely what I meant when I said you all need to find the 'key'. This key I hold isn't the same key you or May may hold on to. As you've mentioned, you've played multiple roles in a relationship/marriage etc and still your man strayed. If human relationship is so easy to understand and so direct, then we're computers (easily programmed) and not human beings. Hence I find your attribution of failure all to May's husband being very flawed.
Anyway, to find your 'key', do reflect on all failed relationships you had and ask yourself the following questions:
1. Do I fall in love with the same type of men? What are the 'similarities' or differences between them? Do find out the pattern. It could be A doesn't have this so you found it in B and if A and B don't have these, you found it in C. Or, it could be a case of, I found it in A, B and C - all the same gd/lousy qualities. Or, A, B and C are all different people because I date randomly with no focus and based it on my feeling or 'accessibility'. My own pattern was I tend to fall for men who came from single parent families - they are needy and I feel important but these men are not good lovers unfortunately due to some reasons that have to do with their backgrounds.
2. Step two, you examine why these relationships failed. All strayed or clash in personalities? Mutual break? Study to see if there's any pattern to it.
3. How well do you know your men? Do you hang out with people your man is close to? His colleagues, his friends, relatives etc? Is he the same person you know or...is he a different person to every different group of people? It's not just the role we play to our men but how much we understand our men.
I hope you could see from my point of view that it's important to REFLECT. Reflect doesn't mean the other party's not at fault. Reflecting is for our own good.
One thing you're right though is, there's no use fixing things when he doesn't love you. Just move on. Reflection is not about making a man who no longer loves you to love you. It's about making your life, judgement and future relationships with men better.
Soisuka, that's precisely what I meant when I said you all need to find the 'key'. This key I hold isn't the same key you or May may hold on to. As you've mentioned, you've played multiple roles in a relationship/marriage etc and still your man strayed. If human relationship is so easy to understand and so direct, then we're computers (easily programmed) and not human beings. Hence I find your attribution of failure all to May's husband being very flawed.
Anyway, to find your 'key', do reflect on all failed relationships you had and ask yourself the following questions:
1. Do I fall in love with the same type of men? What are the 'similarities' or differences between them? Do find out the pattern. It could be A doesn't have this so you found it in B and if A and B don't have these, you found it in C. Or, it could be a case of, I found it in A, B and C - all the same gd/lousy qualities. Or, A, B and C are all different people because I date randomly with no focus and based it on my feeling or 'accessibility'. My own pattern was I tend to fall for men who came from single parent families - they are needy and I feel important but these men are not good lovers unfortunately due to some reasons that have to do with their backgrounds.
2. Step two, you examine why these relationships failed. All strayed or clash in personalities? Mutual break? Study to see if there's any pattern to it.
3. How well do you know your men? Do you hang out with people your man is close to? His colleagues, his friends, relatives etc? Is he the same person you know or...is he a different person to every different group of people? It's not just the role we play to our men but how much we understand our men.
I hope you could see from my point of view that it's important to REFLECT. Reflect doesn't mean the other party's not at fault. Reflecting is for our own good.
One thing you're right though is, there's no use fixing things when he doesn't love you. Just move on. Reflection is not about making a man who no longer loves you to love you. It's about making your life, judgement and future relationships with men better.
inloveandwar
New Member
Scope guy, enjoy your Germany women while you are there. Amen...lol...
inloveandwar
New Member
Soi, broken heart is better than broken leg cos one can be healed but the latter is permanent physical injury
Actually I much rather deal w a broken leg than a broken heart...sticks and stones may break my bone, but words can break a person's spirit... And besides, broken leg is not permanent, bones heal.
I always tell my ex that I rather he hit me physically, at least then I have physical evidence of abuse. Rather then his gradual and insidious emotional abuse that chips me away, that no matter how much i say, I cannot prove it. And unless you've been there, you will never understand it. Until today, i cannot decide if he's an a*s excusing his behaviour w sex addiction or sex addiction is making him an a*s or worse he is an a*s w a sex addiction
Maybe our almighty 'god' can shed some light on this peculiar anomaly.... And btw Scope, my frd meant the temperament of pp in Germany are much more similar to Singapore compared to the rest of Europe
I always tell my ex that I rather he hit me physically, at least then I have physical evidence of abuse. Rather then his gradual and insidious emotional abuse that chips me away, that no matter how much i say, I cannot prove it. And unless you've been there, you will never understand it. Until today, i cannot decide if he's an a*s excusing his behaviour w sex addiction or sex addiction is making him an a*s or worse he is an a*s w a sex addiction
Maybe our almighty 'god' can shed some light on this peculiar anomaly.... And btw Scope, my frd meant the temperament of pp in Germany are much more similar to Singapore compared to the rest of Europe
the_giving_tree
New Member
May, just move on with your life. I can't imagine the crap excuses he gives; boring marriage life, wants his freedom etc. After the honeymoon period with the other woman is over, see if he still finds life with her exciting. And if he wants freedom, why get married? He should just remain single and sow his wild oats.
You will be happier without him.
By the way, this year will be my 20th wedding anniversary. Marriage is a lot of hard work and it takes 2 parties to work on it.
You will be happier without him.
By the way, this year will be my 20th wedding anniversary. Marriage is a lot of hard work and it takes 2 parties to work on it.
As an EU member, Germany is the economic hub, and the migrant state to many EU girls lah...
So no need to worry.
There is nothing abnormal. You just chose the wrong guy. If a guy doesn't really love you, in the long run there is no long run.
Look at Faith... he's blaming May's man again and talking about hard work in marriage. May's competition comes early, Faith's may be later. By then, May got a chance to choose again, Faith would probably be too old.
Who can say May never 'worked'?
Every woman would try to 'work' and be the good wife only to end up realising the hard truth when the syt comes.
That's why the One. Else this game will be really easy.
Soisuka, have you ever wondered if your ex met a compatible cvnt, he'd be the best chap in this world instead? LOL~
Many women just live along... if May is stupid, she'd probably live in the lies and happily in her marriage as Denise80. Ignorance is a bliss for most women.
When a man is p0king you in a marriage, his mind could be already be with someone else. He won't tell you, you thot he still loves you, and the marriage goes on.
What more do you want to know?
Better don't know anything if you love your marriage...
So no need to worry.
There is nothing abnormal. You just chose the wrong guy. If a guy doesn't really love you, in the long run there is no long run.
Look at Faith... he's blaming May's man again and talking about hard work in marriage. May's competition comes early, Faith's may be later. By then, May got a chance to choose again, Faith would probably be too old.
Who can say May never 'worked'?
Every woman would try to 'work' and be the good wife only to end up realising the hard truth when the syt comes.
That's why the One. Else this game will be really easy.
Soisuka, have you ever wondered if your ex met a compatible cvnt, he'd be the best chap in this world instead? LOL~
Many women just live along... if May is stupid, she'd probably live in the lies and happily in her marriage as Denise80. Ignorance is a bliss for most women.
When a man is p0king you in a marriage, his mind could be already be with someone else. He won't tell you, you thot he still loves you, and the marriage goes on.
What more do you want to know?
Better don't know anything if you love your marriage...
You're assuming Faith's and denise80's marriage is happy bcos they're ignorant and stupid. Has it ever occurred to you that their husbands could be good honest chaps with healthy morals and actually has control over their 'd*ck'? Or is that something you're not familiar with?
