hubby is always working from 7am to till passed midnight

[Makiyo+sad]

Hubby will update me his location and when he is on his way home. Most of the time he is working and I only asked him occasionally.
He has asked me to check him from GPS if he did not reply as he might be in the meeting or busy.

I have always trust him until that day I read his messages. His friend has clarified that my hubby was just messaging and didn't mean anything.
Hubby promised that he will not exchange such messages anymore. I forgive but never forget.

Hubby takes good care of me and loving me very much since our courtship. That's why I am so attached to him and depend on him so much.
My parents always tell me that hubby is a responsible hubby and daddy. They always disturb me where to him another man like him and ask me to treasure him.

We will work out what is best for us.

 

[miloice]

there is too much to REMEMBER if simple message like this renders so much energy. You keep saying you trust until that SMS. Frankly, if all the years of marriage and love can be shaken just by a simple casual chat message, seriously, are you looking at the big picture. You might not agree with others, everyone clearly sees how pampered you are by your husband. As you shared several times, even your family tells you the same. At the end of the day, it is about happiness together. If you can be happy together, GOOD FOR YOU. If you want happiness for yourself in the expense of him, it is a matter of time, even the most patient guy will need some balance. His way to balance might be having a complete double life because you can never accept him for who he is. I am not scaring you for nothing. In everything, there are push and pull factors.

 

[lonely_desire78]

This may not be the most appropriate statement. But a smart woman is one who knows how to overlook certain things.

Honestly, then does it matter? Would you prefer to lose sleep over one episode or to sweat over him leaving? Men are just being men... So long as he is still bothered to come home eventually, do the messages and perceived "symptoms" matter at all?

I m not saying that i condone any wrong doing outside the marriage. Honestly, so what if you do find out something? What if he admits? I think the consequences are far more difficult to handle. At such stages where dirty linens get aired, would anyone be able to have the courage to say fine and continue life as usual?

If so many things are at stake, would not status quo be better? Let him be the hubby to bring home the dough and if he comes home still, what more?

Just my humble two cents

 

[Makiyo+sad]

Hubby prefers to work when he is still able to so that he can save more money and when he retires we can continue to enjoy same life style.
He keeps telling me that he wants to give me and my son a comfortable life as long as he could.
He always says me that I am lucky as parents are financially sound and they let me spend freely.
But what I want is a family.

Hubby came from a poor family. I was sad when he shared with me that 7 persons staying in a one room flat and they had to sleep on the floor!
His childhood was miserable as many times they only had a simple meal in a day.
During his school holidays he worked part time to pay for school fees. After school he rushed home to help up in housework.
Life gets better when he and his siblings started working. Now everyone is doing well in their career.
He is very scared of being poor again and promised himself to work hard. Probably that's why he is a workaholic.

I told hubby many times that I can support the family but he refused and he said that it is his duty to support the family.

 

[lonely_desire78]

Hubby prefers to work when he is still able to so that he can save more money and when he retires we can continue to enjoy same life style.
He keeps telling me that he wants to give me and my son a comfortable life as long as he could.
He always says me that I am lucky as parents are financially sound and they let me spend freely.
But what I want is a family.

Hubby came from a poor family. I was sad when he shared with me that 7 persons staying in a one room flat and they had to sleep on the floor!
His childhood was miserable as many times they only had a simple meal in a day.
During his school holidays he worked part time to pay for school fees. After school he rushed home to help up in housework.
Life gets better when he and his siblings started working. Now everyone is doing well in their career.
He is very scared of being poor again and promised himself to work hard. Probably that's why he is a workaholic.

I told hubby many times that I can support the family but he refused and he said that it is his duty to support the family.

Sigh.... that sounds like me. I wanted to work hard also because I'm scared of being poor again. Anyone who went through those days will know how bad it is. Parents gotta work their butt out and then kids always at home alone.

 

[buddhabar]

I thought from our era, 90% of our parent live in small flats. seriously it's pretty common to see an entire family squeeze into a small flat. I grew up in toa payoh 2-room flat with 12 person and most of my neighbour are similar. of course having said that, 7 in a room is still by far the most extreme. I guess makiyo belongs to the very minority .

 

[miloice]

Just sharing on personal thoughts over this.

We are all different, environment influences us. However, it doesn't make us who we are. We have a choice in it.

My wife parents were well to do too. She is the youngest in a big family. She was very pampered as well. The key point is, she is open to perspective beyond hers. This is the key point, to accept that others are rightfully different and we can all discover and learn to better with more understanding. Most importantly, we are compatible in one key aspect. WE FORGET quickly our resentments. This allows us to learn from the experiences and pick up the positives. There were times I asked myself why am I making up, and apologizing, however, I remind myself pride is NOT bigger than US. Each time, I never regret it. With time, she learns to see things from different perspectives and I have proven to her on so many occasions, there are much better ways to manage things. It is never a 2 way road, we have to be flexible and completely dynamic. Forget all the angry hurtful words and frustrations. Focus on the outcome, being HAPPY and fulfilled together, no matter what life brings us.

The term, I will forgive but not forget is all too familiar for me. The key reason why I realized my ex is completely conflicting my values. It will never work for me. I will forever be trying to be more acceptable to her standards, and waiting for the perfect scenario to happen. It doesn't because, the world isn't perfect and things will never just happen for us. Happiness that is so dependent on the external is superficial and volatile. Any crisis in our lives, we dwell into bottomless misery with no way to be happy.

 

[lonely_desire78]

Just sharing on personal thoughts over this.

We are all different, environment influences us. However, it doesn't make us who we are. We have a choice in it.

My wife parents were well to do too. She is the youngest in a big family. She was very pampered as well. The key point is, she is open to perspective beyond hers. This is the key point, to accept that others are rightfully different and we can all discover and learn to better with more understanding. Most importantly, we are compatible in one key aspect. WE FORGET quickly our resentments. This allows us to learn from the experiences and pick up the positives. There were times I asked myself why am I making up, and apologizing, however, I remind myself pride is NOT bigger than US. Each time, I never regret it. With time, she learns to see things from different perspectives and I have proven to her on so many occasions, there are much better ways to manage things. It is never a 2 way road, we have to be flexible and completely dynamic. Forget all the angry hurtful words and frustrations. Focus on the outcome, being HAPPY and fulfilled together, no matter what life brings us.

The term, I will forgive but not forget is all too familiar for me. The key reason why I realized my ex is completely conflicting my values. It will never work for me. I will forever be trying to be more acceptable to her standards, and waiting for the perfect scenario to happen. It doesn't because, the world isn't perfect and things will never just happen for us. Happiness that is so dependent on the external is superficial and volatile. Any crisis in our lives, we dwell into bottomless misery with no way to be happy.

Reading your replies do (often) give this impression that you seen a lot and really a lot. Putting into effect what we believe in is tough. You are right about choice and that we do have a choice to change things.

When young, I used to see mum and dad fight day and night. Since then, I told myself never to land up in the same position. Ironically, I did.... Choosing the right thing is super tough and as a friend said, it all begins when things start falling apart. We would probably all be very happy, if things never fall apart. But, then, somehow things do break down in any human relationship.

The breaking point really is where we all get tested on what really believe in, inside and outside. And... after which, what do we choose to do about it? A path of convenience or otherwise? Convenience is easy. With tolerance (or blind eye to all things), its possibly easier. But, to pursue what the heart truly desires is tough. At the times, the heart is a frivolous mind. Other times, its like a romeo with raging hormones.

 

[Makiyo+sad]

We have been sharing about marriage and relationship with spouse.

Anyone has suggestions on how to make hubby come home early and not to be too devoted to work life?

 

[lonely_desire78]

We have been sharing about marriage and relationship with spouse.

Anyone has suggestions on how to make hubby come home early and not to be too devoted to work life?

You have asked a very tough question. The hardest thing to do is changing a person. If he is used to coming back late, changing this will be an uphill task (or make it an up Everest mountain task).

Thing really is, man married woman hoping she will not change, but she changes. While woman married man hoping he will change, but he doesn't. Tough!

 

[Makiyo+sad]

Before marriage = lots of hope and after marriage = lots of if and why

 

[miloice]

Actually, all of us can change. However, change comes from within. It is something we believe is necessary and beneficial for us. If we change for others, we are never truly be convinced. When disappointed, we resent and blame.

 

[MissVain]

Probably you can try probing him that since he thinks he should spend more time with girl friends and he should be okay you hanging out with boy friends. Sometimes they need little worries to show concern for their woman.

 

[Makiyo+sad]

Yes I did ask my hubby and he said no girl friends lah. He has been very busy with his work and no time for friends.
He only has 3 good friends and I know them.

He is a very loving hubby and caring daddy. He showers me with love & gifts but just not much time for me.
I do not want his work to hurt our marriage and decided to ask him to quit. Soon he will be leaving his job and we will be going for a trip.

Recently he has been coming home earlier and I know he is trying

 

[life_is]

Good that he is devoted to work. It is important to ensure that both of you have no problems in retirement. And great that he is trying to find a balance between work and family. Shows that he loves you a lot. Don't see much of a problem here. Shower him with as much love as possible, and cherish all the time you have together.